Jennie's POV
Before heading to my first class, I stop to grab my usual at the coffeehouse, where Jisoo is waiting for me with a smile. After our hellos, we're interrupted by a girl asking for intricate directions, and so we don't get the chance to catch up until we're walking to our last class of the day. The class that all day I have been dreading, but anticipating.
"How was your weekend?" Jisoo asks and I groan.
"Terrible, actually. I went to another party with Wendy," I tell her and she makes a sour face and laughs. "I'm sure yours was much better. How is Yeri?"
Her smile grows at the mention of her name and I realize that I didn't mention seeing Kai on Saturday. Jisoo tells me about Yeri applying to a ballet company in New York and how happy she is for her. All the while, I wonder if Kai's eyes light up like that when he talks about me.
As we walk into class, she's telling me how her father and stepmother were thrilled to see her, but I find myself searching the room and not listening very closely to her; Lisa's seat is empty.
"Won't it be hard if Yeri is gone so far?" I manage to ask as we take our seats.
"Well, we are already far from each other now, but it works. I really just want the best for her, and if New York is it, that's where I want her to be."
The professor walks in, silencing us. Where's Lisa? She wouldn't skip class just to avoid me, would she?
We dive into Pride and Prejudice—a magical book that I wish everyone would read—and before I realize it the class is over.
"You've cut your hair, Jennie." I turn around to see Lisa smiling behind me. She and Jisoo exchange awkward stares and I try to think of what to say. She wouldn't mention the kiss in front of Jisoo, would she? Those dimples, deep as ever, tell me that yes, yes she would.
"Hey, Lisa," I say.
"How was your weekend?" Her expression is so smug.
I pull Jisoo by the arm. "Good. Well, see you around!" I yell nervously and Lisa laughs.
When we're outside, Jisoo asks, "What was that about?" obviously catching on to my strange behavior.
"Nothing, I just don't like Lisa."
"At least you don't have to see her often."
But there is something behind her voice, and why would she say that?
Does she know about the kiss?
"Um . . . yeah. Thank God," is all I can muster.
She pauses. "I wasn't going to say anything, because I don't want you to associate me with her, but"—she smiles nervously—"Lisa's dad is sort of dating my mom."
What? "What?" "Lisa's dad—"
"Yes, yes, I got that, but Lisa's dad lives here? Why is Lisa here—I thought she was Thai? If her dad lives here, why doesn't she live with him?" I flood Jisoo with questions before I can stop myself. She looks confused, but less nervous than a moment ago.
"She's from Thailand; her dad and my mom live close to the campus, but Lisa and her dad don't have a good relationship. So please don't mention any of this to her. We already don't like each other."
I nod. "Sure, okay." A thousand more questions come to my mind, but I stay quiet as my friend goes back to talking about Yeri, her eyes brightening with each word about her.
WHEN I GET BACK TO MY ROOM, Wendy isn't back yet since her classes run two hours past mine. I start to lay out my books and notes to get ready to study, but decide to call Kai instead. He doesn't pick up, and it really makes me wish he was here with me at college. It would make things so much easier and comfortable. We could be studying or watching a movie together right now.
Still, I know that I'm thinking about this because of my guilt about kissing Lisa is consuming me—Kai is so sweet and he doesn't deserve to be cheated on. I am so lucky to have him in my life. He's always there for me, and he knows me better than anyone. We have known each other basically our whole lives. When his parents moved in down the street, I was ecstatic to have someone my age to hang out with, and the feeling only grew as I got to know him and learned he was an old soul like me. We spent our time reading, watching movies, and bringing life into the greenhouse behind my mother's place. The greenhouse has always been my safe haven; when my dad drank I would hide in there and no one except Kai knew where to find me. The night my dad left was a terrible night for me, and my mother refuses to speak of it, ever. Doing so would shatter the perfect façade she has created for herself, but I still want to talk about it sometimes. Even though I hated him for drinking so much, and for pushing my mother around, I still felt the deep need to have a father. That night, stowed away in the greenhouse while my dad screamed and went wild, I kept hearing glasses shattering in the kitchen, and then, when it stopped, footsteps. I was terrified my father was coming for me, but it was Kai. And I had never been so relieved in all my life to see someone safe. From that day on we were inseparable. Over the years, our friendship turned into more, and neither of us has ever dated anyone else.
I text Kai that I love him and decide to take a catnap before I begin my studies. I pull out my planner and check my work one more time, I can surely fit in a twenty-minute nap.
Not even ten minutes into my nap, there's a knock at the door. Figuring Wendy must have forgotten her key, I groggily pull the door open.
Of course it isn't her. It's Lisa.
"Wendy isn't back yet," I say and walk back to my bed, leaving the door open for her I'm a little surprised she even bothered to knock, since I know Wendy gave her an extra key as backup for herself. I will have to talk to her about that.
"I can wait," she says and plops down on Wendy's bed.
"Suit yourself." I groan, ignoring her chuckle as I pull the blanket over my body and close my eyes. Or rather, trying to ignore it. There is no way I am going to be able to sleep knowing that Lisa is in my room, but I would rather pretend-sleep than face the awkward, rude talk we are bound to have. I try to ignore the sound of her gently tapping the headboard of her bed until my alarm goes off.
"Going somewhere?" she asks and I roll my eyes even though she can't see me.
"No, I was taking a twenty-minute nap," I tell her and sit up.
"You set an alarm to make sure your nap is only twenty minutes?" she says, amused.
"Yeah, I do. So what's it to you, anyway?" I grab my books and lay them out neatly, in order of my class schedule, and stack the notes for each class on top of them.
"Are you OCD or something?"
"No, Lisa. Not everyone's crazy because they just like things a certain way. There's nothing wrong with being organized," I snap.
And she laughs, of course. I refuse to look at her, but out of the corner of my eye, I can see her pushing up off the bed.
Please don't come over here. Please don't come . . .
And then she's standing over me, looking down at where I sit on my bed. She grabs my Literature notes and turns them over a couple of times exaggeratedly like she's staring at a rare artifact. I reach up for them but— like the annoying jerk she is—she lifts them higher, so I stand and swipe at them. But she tosses them in the air and they fall to the ground in a scattered mess.
"Pick those up!" I demand.
She smirks and says, "Okay, okay," but just grabs my Sociology notes and does the same thing to them. I scramble to pick them up before she steps on them, but that's only funny to her.
"Lisa, stop!" I yell, just as she does the same with the next stack.
Infuriated, I stand up and shove her away from my bed.
"You mean, someone doesn't like their stuff being messed with?" she asks, still laughing. Why must she always laugh at me?
"No! I don't!" I yell and go to shove her again. She steps toward me and grabs my wrists, pushing me back against the wall. Her face is inches from mine, and suddenly I'm aware I'm breathing way too hard. I want to scream at her to get off me, to let me go, and demand that she put my work back. I want to slap her, to make her leave. But I can't. I'm frozen against the wall and mesmerized by her green eyes burning into mine. "Lisa, please," are the only words I finally find. But they are soft. And I'm not sure if I am begging her to let me go, or kiss me. My breathing still hasn't slowed; I can feel her increasing, the way her chest rises powerfully. Seconds feel like hours, and finally she removes one hand from my wrists, but the other is large enough to hold both.
For a second, I think she might slap me. But her hand moves up to my cheekbone and then she gently tucks my hair behind my ear. I swear I can hear her pulse as she brings her lips to mine—and the fire crackles under my skin.
This is what I have been longing for since Saturday night. If I could only feel one thing for the rest of my life, this would be it.
I don't let myself think about why I am kissing her again or what terrible thing she will say afterward. All I want to focus on is the way she presses her body against mine when she lets go of my wrists, pinning me to the wall, and the way her mouth tastes like mint again. The way my tongue somehow follows her, and the way my hands slide over her broad shoulders. Her hands grip the backs of my thighs and she lifts me up, my legs instinctively wrapping around her waist, and I'm amazed at the way my body somehow knows how to respond to her. I bury my fingers in her hair, gently tugging at it while she walks back toward my bed, her lips still molded to mine.
The responsible voice inside my head finds her way in, reminding me that this is a terrible idea—but I push her back. I am not stopping this time. I pull Lisa's hair harder, earning a moan from her. The sound elicits one of my own, the two mixing in the most heavenly way. It is the hottest sound I have ever heard and I want to do anything I can to hear it again. She sits back on my bed, pulling me so I'm on her lap. Her long fingers dig into my skin, but the pain is wonderful. My body begins gently rocking back and forth on her lap, and her grip tightens.
"Fuck," she breathes into my mouth, and I experience a sensation I have never felt before as I feel her harden against me. How far will I let this go? I ask myself, but I don't have an answer. Her hands find the hem of my shirt, and she tugs at it, pulling it up. I can't believe I'm letting her, but I don't want to stop. She pulls away from our heated kiss to get the shirt over my head. Her eyes meet mine, then go down to my chest as she takes her lip between her teeth.
"You're so sexy, Jen."
The idea of dirty talk never appealed to me, but somehow Lisa saying those words becomes the most sensual thing I have ever heard. I never buy any fancy underwear because no one, literally no one, ever sees them, but right now I wish I had something besides this plain black bra. She's probably seen every type of bra there is, the annoying voice in my head reminds me. To try to get such thoughts out of my head, I rock harder against her lap, and she wraps her arms around my back and pulls my body to her, our chests touching . . .
The door handle jingles. I push myself off Lisa's lap and throw my shirt on, the trance I was in immediately broken.
Wendy steps through the door and stops short when she sees me and Lisa. As she takes in the scene before her, her mouth forms an O.
I know my cheeks are bright red not only from the embarrassment but from the way Lisa has made me feel.
"What the hell did I miss?" she gasps, staring at us both with a huge grin. I swear her eyes are practically clapping with glee.
"Nothing much," Lisa says and stands. She walks to the door and doesn't look back as she walks out of the room, where I'm left panting and Wendy laughing.
"What the actual hell was that!?" she asks me and then covers her face in mock horror. But she's too excited by the gossip and pops back quickly. "You and Lisa . . . You and Lisa are like messing around?"
I turn and pretend to look through the stuff on my desk. "No! No way! We aren't messing around," I tell her. Are we? No, we just happened to kiss, twice. And she took my shirt off, and I was basically humping her— but we aren't messing around, like regularly. "I have a boyfriend, remember?"
She comes over to face me. "So . . . that doesn't mean you can't mess around with Lisa—I just can't believe it! I thought you guys hated each other. Well, Lisa hates everyone. But I thought she hated you even more than her normal hatred for people," she says, then laughs. "When did this even . . . how did this happen?"
I sit on her bed and run my fingers through my hair. "I don't know. Well, Saturday when you left the party I ended up in her room because this creep tried to hit on me, and then I kissed Lisa. We promised to never speak of it again—but then she came by today and she started messing with me, not in that way." I point at the bed, which only makes her smirk grow. "Like she was throwing my stuff around and I pushed her and then somehow we ended up on the bed."
It sounds so bad as I repeat it. I really am acting so out of character, just like my mother said. I put my hands over my face. How could I do this to Kai—again?
"Whoa, that sounds hot," Wendy says, and I roll my eyes.
"It's not—it's terrible and wrong. I love Kai, and Lisa is a jerk. I don't want to be another conquest of her."
"You could learn a lot from Lisa . . . you know sexually."
My mouth falls open. Is she serious? Is that something she would do . . . wait, has she? Her and Lisa?
"No way, I don't want to learn anything from Lisa. Or anyone besides Kai," I tell her. I can't imagine Kai and I making out like that. My mind replays Lisa's words: You're so sexy, Jen. Kai would never say something like that—no one has ever called me sexy before. I feel my cheeks heat up as I think about it. "Have you?" I ask a little sheepishly.
"With Lisa? No." And something inside me feels better when she says that. But then she continues. "Well . . . I haven't had sex with her, but we had a little fling when we first met, as embarrassing as that is to admit. But nothing came from it; we were sort of friends with benefits for about a week." She says it like it's no big deal, but I can't help the jealousy that stirs inside me.
"Oh . . . benefits?" I ask. My mouth is completely dry and I find myself suddenly annoyed by Wendy.
"Yeah, nothing too big. Just like a few heavy makeout sessions, a grope here and there. Nothing serious," she says and my chest hurts. I'm not surprised really, but I wish I wouldn't have asked.
"Does Lisa have a lot of friends with benefits?" I don't want to hear the answer, but I can't help asking.
She snorts and sits down on her bed across from me. "Yeah, she does. I mean, not like hundreds, but she's a pretty . . . active one."
I can tell she's seen how I reacted and is trying to sugarcoat it for my sake. I make the mental decision for what feels like the hundredth time to stay away from her. I will not be anyone's friends with benefits. Ever.
"She doesn't do it to be mean or use girls; they pretty much throw themselves at her, and she lets them know from the start that she doesn't date," she says. I remember her telling me that before. But it's not like she said that to me when we . . .
"Why doesn't she date?" Why can't I stop asking these questions?
"I don't know, really . . . Listen," she says, her voice full of concern, "I think you could have a lot of fun with Lisa, but I also think this could be dangerous for you. Unless you know you will never develop any sort of feelings for her, I would stay away. I have seen a lot of girls fall for her and it's not pretty."
"Oh, trust me, I do not have feelings for her. I don't know what I was thinking." I laugh, and hope that it at least sounds genuine.
Wendy nods. "Good. So, how much trouble did you get into with your mom and Kai?"
I tell her all about my mother's lecture, minus the part about me promising not to be friends with her anymore. We spend the rest of the night talking about classes, Bambam, and anything I can think of besides Lisa.