Chapter 11
Harry, Hermione, and Neville drew the Greengrass sisters into their group, as well as reaching out to Luna Lovegood.
"You will help with the big ritual?" asked Harry, of Luna.
"Oh, yes!" said Luna. "And then I can get to know Neville better, so I can snog him senseless. It drives away the nargles in mistletoe."
Neville went red.
"I need to get to know you a bit better," he said.
"Oh, I think we can manage that," said Luna. "Shall I take my clothes off? It's a bit chilly, but you can give me a warming charm."
Neville squeaked like a mouse.
"Nobody is taking any clothes off," said Hermione, firmly.
"Spoilsport," said Luna. "I wanted to see if Neville's blush goes all the way down."
"Wot are you doing hanging out with slimy snakes for, Potter? You're a traitor. And Loony Lovegood too, she's crazy!" the interrupting voice belonged, predictably, to the moRon.
"Ronald Weasley, why do you persist in thinking snakes are slimy?" asked Hermione. "They have lovely smooth, dry skins, and are not slimy in the least. In fact, you're slimier, because you sweat."
"You're under a spell!" persisted Ron. "You were supposed to be my fuckbunny to make sure Potter married my sister!"
"EEP!" said Ginny, as myriad stars fluttered over her skin.
"Ginny Weasley, if you moaned to your brother, you deserve that warning," said Neville. "Do not speak to him of Harry again, and you won't have any more problems, as his mouth will not then be your thoughts."
"I... I'm sorry!" Ginny sobbed. "Mummy had me practice writing... your surname with mine, Lord Potter."
"Your mother has been brainwashed into brainwashing you," said Harry. "When you've had more therapy, you'll see."
"It's helping," said Ginny. "And thank you for paying for it."
"I don't want you to lose your magic, because of interference from a manipulative old fool," said Harry. "You're doing well. Just... if you must talk about it to a family member, pick one of your older brothers."
"Yes, Lord Potter," said Ginny.
The stars under her skin had terrified her; she would be careful.
Ronald, unfortunately, had no connection between the space between his ears and his outsize mouth.
"You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Potter! I don't want you as a brother-in-law, but Mum wants you to marry Ginny, and at least we can then be well off because you'll have to support us like your effing godfather was supposed to support us for keeping his secret. What did you have to go and get him cleared for? He's no good to us free! And now you've been and used Hermy, I don't get to take her cherry, but if you've loosened her up any so she's not such a frigid bitch, I'll forgive you. And if you get your kit off and get into my bed right now, Hermy, I'll forgive you too, and I'll even have a concubinage arrangement drawn up for you, which is all you deserve for slutting off with Potter..."
He went down as Hermione's and Harry's fists hit him, one each side of his head.
"Ooh! You hurt him!" squealed Lavender.
"Nah," said Harry. "We hit him on the head. Nothing in there to damage."
Snape roiled over, black cloak billowing.
"Weasley! Detention for a month for being a jerk!" he said. "And ten thousand points from Gryffindor! You'll be handling basilisk skin to show you how unslimy it is when you help me dissect bits of basilisk. It's poisonous, but I don't think you'll contaminate it."
"You know, I never thought I'd get to like your odd detention criteria, sir," murmured Harry.
He got a savage, if crooked, grin.
"Detention, Potter, for risking the hand of the boy wonder."
"Did you just call me Robin, the sidekick of Batman?" said Harry.
"You want me to extend the detention by making you wear your underpants outside your tights?" said Snape.
"No, sir," said Harry.
"Severus! What is going on?" Dumbledore stood up.
"Weasley tried to break a betrothal of two members of the Wizengamot and attacked their fists with his head, headmaster," said Severus.
"I'm glad to hear you are harvesting the basilisk for the school, it should bring us plenty of funds. How did you get to it? A secret passage from the dungeons?"
"I'm harvesting the basilisk under contract to the owner which is the slayer," said Snape. "And ssshow I got there is my own , he added, finding the potion still operative.
Dumbledore was shocked. But he managed his disappointed face.
"You have been mislead, Severus; the beast belongs to the school. Without the aid of Fawkes, Harry would never have been able to kill the beast."
"The phoenix chose to help," said Harry. "And if you really want to fight it through the courts, you'll find that the statute books are quite clear on the principle vae victor, vae victis, to the victor the spoils, and the statute books also mention that this is despite any beasts the victor has chosen to use in his conquest. And Phoenixes, sir, are listed as beasts, not beings. Statute IV, subsection C of the De Jure Arturius as recorded over the hunting of the Beast Glatisant, also known as the Questing Beast. The law has not been superseded, and has been ratified many times. If I had killed the dragon last year, I would have been entitled to its body and either her eggs or the value of the eggs, as they were with her and under her care. Aren't you glad I didn't go with my initial urge to use a muggle explosive device wrapped in meat? The dragon sanctuary would not have been happy."
Dumbledore paled.
"But surely you want to help your school by..." he tailed off as Harry laughed derisively.
"Help the place which regularly tries to kill me? Get real, old man. And don't call me Shirley."
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Harry received a letter in Sirius' handwriting at breakfast.
"Dear Pup,
I am well, and hope you are too, and that you are seriously or even Siriusly up to no good. Your loving godfather, Sirius."
Harry blinked at this rather bald missive, even if the rest of the paper was taken up by a rather good caricature of Albus Dumbledore with his robe pulled up well above his knees, leaving nothing to the imagination, standing on a stool in a snakepit.
Harry muttered, 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good' and the short missive and the picture disappeared. He read the message which appeared instead.
"Remember those tedious papers we went through in my father's desk and in the trunk in my vault? Well, I was able to put a few pieces here with a few pieces there, and we can hit the bastards where it hurts – in the pocket. I am calling in a loan to Abraxus Malfoy to the sum of twenty thousand galleons, not perhaps much, but a dent. More, I am asking for the back rent on Malfoy Manor, which was purchased by the Black family to alleviate the woes an impoverished family member who had married a Malfoy in the 16th century. Also a fine for having remodelled it without permission. Lucy owes me around 49 million galleons. I'll let him pay off the loan before I hit him with each one of the other little debts. Meanwhile, Nott Senior asked my grandfather to get him out of a marriage contract with one Micillina[1] Zabini and in return agreed to have the Black family dictate terms with regards to any future Nott marriage. Tell me, Harry, as I have favours owed by the Goyle family and the Parkinson family, should I have Theodore Nott betrothed to Gregory Goyle, or Pansy Parkinson? I await your suggestion with pleasure. There is a hundred thousand galleon penalty clause to avoid it. If the former, the two parties must agree which takes the sex reversal potion for the bearing of children, even if content with normal homosexual relations in between procreation.
I want to act before you remove tattoos..."
Harry snorted, muttered, 'Mischief managed,' and scribbled on the back, 'Goyle.' He sent Hedwig off after a few pets and some bacon.
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Two days later, Theodore Nott opened his mail and screamed, loudly. "NOOOOO!" he cried.
Harry sniggered.
Gregory Goyle also got a letter. He looked very confused, read it through three times with obvious effort, and then got up, went over to Nott, and hit him. Hard.
Life was delightful.
It got even better when Snape put them both in detention for squealing like a little girl, and acting like the little girl's neanderthal muggle husband.
He almost had to be in on it, thought Harry, who had to make a bolt for the bathroom before he wet himself.
As Nott had a reputation for forcing himself on younger girls, and Goyle was a thug, it was very satisfying.
.
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Draco Malfoy stormed over.
"Lord Black is hounding my father!" he yelled.
"Maybe your father can offer something else to mine," said Harry, smiling.
"What?" demanded Malfoy.
"Well, if he voluntarily leaves the tattoo club and lets Lord Black see to having the tattoo removed, and gives your mother at least one more child, Lord Black might be prepared to negotiate," said Harry.
"Don't be stupid! You can't voluntarily... even if my father belonged which you don't have any proof that he does," said Draco.
"Oh, let us not pretend," said Harry. "We both know he threw away one of his dark wanker's horcruces to spite Arthur Weasley, and how he'd have felt if the Basilisk had eaten you, I don't know, it couldn't tell the difference in blood. Save what used to be known as creature blood, and you are part veela and part elf. My father has a copy of a most interesting family tree. But that could act in your father's favour if he decided to play ball and pick a better side. He'd be a fool not to; even with Crabbe and Goyle to hold girls down, you're not a predator like Nott. Nor have you the stomach to torture and kill. You could save your father's life if you told him to co-operate."
Draco went white.
Potter did not bluff.
"I will write to him," he said, stiffly.
Hermione raised an eyebrow.
Naturally she was in the know of what Padfoot had written.
"You really want to give Lucy a way out?" she said when Draco had left.
"I'm sorry for Draco," said Harry. "And Sirius has fond memories of his cousin, Narcissa, when she was younger. Sirius gave me permission to haggle if I got the chance. If we can save his father, Draco will be grateful, even if he's surly about it. If we kill his father, he'll be an implacable foe."
Hermione nodded.
"I see," she said. "Preserve one of the worst to save one who is uncommitted?"
"According to Snape, Lucy is too lazy to get much kick out of the messier aspects of being a death eater, preferring to permit his dungeons to be used by those who are keener," said Harry. "He was kind to Snape when he was a kid. He just wants a life of luxury and to be bowed to."
"I'll believe in any benevolence in Malfoy senior when I can see it," said Hermione. "Don't you start letting the bad guys have all the second chances they want whilst penalising the victim, Hamilcar Potter Black!"
"But you're not too cross with me, or you'd have remembered the other three names," said Harry.
"I can never be cross with you for too long," sighed Hermione.
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[1] The traditional name of a particular witch in Italian folklore
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Omake - kinda - from Polydicta
Garden gnomes, being magical creatures have magical talents.
They may be veggie patch marauders, but they have a certain level of
intelligence, a strong desire to watch real life drama unfolding and, as all
creatures with intelligence know, the only way to do that properly is with
a big bowl of conjured popcorn.
Popcorn is not subject to Gamp's laws as it contains no food value whatsoever.