Jennie's POV
Lisa's hand is still on my thigh and I hope she never removes it. I take a quick opportunity to study some of the tattoos covering her arms. The infinity symbol above her wrist catches my eye again, and I can't help but wonder if it means something to her. It feels personal, inked there, just above the bare skin on her hand. I check her other wrist for a matching symbol but there isn't one. The infinity symbol is common enough, mostly among women, but the way the two loops on the ends are hearts makes me even more curious.
"So what type of food do you like?" she asks.
What a refreshingly normal question for her to ask me. I pull my matted, almost dry hair into a bun and think for a second about what I want to eat. "Well, I like anything, really, as long as I know what it is—and it doesn't involve ketchup."
She laughs. "You don't like ketchup? Aren't all supposed to be wild for the stuff?" she teases.
"I have no idea, but it's disgusting."
We both laugh and I look over at Lisa, who says, "Let's just stick with a plain diner then?"
I nod and she reaches to turn the music up but stops and puts her hand back on me. "So what do you plan on doing after college?" she asks; it's something she's already asked me before, in her room.
"I'm going to move to Seattle immediately, and I hope to work at a publishing house or be a writer. I know it's silly," I say, suddenly embarrassed by my high ambitions. "But you already asked me that before, remember?"
"No, it's not. I know someone over at Vance Publishing House; it's a bit of a drive, but maybe you should apply there for an internship. I could talk to him."
"What? You would do that for me?" My voice goes high because I'm pretty surprised; even if she has been nice for the last hour, this isn't quite what I expected.
"Yeah, it's not a big deal." She seems a little embarrassed. I am sure she isn't used to doing nice things.
"Wow, thank you. Really. I need to get a job or internship soon anyway, and that would literally be a dream come true!" I clap my hands.
She chuckles and shakes her head. "You're welcome."
We pull into a small parking lot next to an old brick building.
"The food here is amazing," she says and climbs out of the car. Walking around to the trunk, she opens it . . . and pulls out another plain-black T- shirt. She really must have an endless supply. I was enjoying seeing her being shirtless so much that I forgot she would eventually have to put one back on.
When we get inside we seat ourselves in the fairly deserted place. An old woman walks to the table and goes to hand us our menus, but she waves them off, ordering a hamburger and fries, gesturing like I should do the same. I trust her on this one and order it—minus ketchup, of course.
While we wait, I tell Lisa about growing up in Richland, which she's never heard of. She isn't missing out on much; the town is small and everyone does the same things and no one ever leaves. Everyone except me: I will never move back there. She doesn't offer me much information about her past, but I'm hopeful and patient. She seems very curious about my life as a child and she frowns when I tell her about my dad's drinking. I had mentioned it to her before, while we were fighting, but this time I went into a little more detail.
During a pause in the conversation, the waitress reappears with our food, which looks delicious.
"Good, huh?" Lisa asks as I take my first bite. I nod and wipe my mouth off. The food is amazing and we both clear our plates, me being more hungry than I've ever been before.
THE DRIVE BACK TO THE DORMS is relaxed. Her long fingers rub circles on my leg, and I'm disappointed to see the WCU sign when we finally hit campus and the student parking lot.
"Did you have a nice time?" I ask her. I feel so much closer to her now than I did a few hours ago. She can be really good when she tries to be.
"Yeah, I did, actually." She seems surprised. "Listen, I would walk you to your room, but I don't want to play twenty questions with Wendy . . ." She smiles and turns her body sideways to face me.
"It's fine. I'll just see you tomorrow," I tell her. I'm not sure if I should try to kiss her goodbye or not, so I'm relieved when her fingers tug on a few loose strands of my hair and tuck them behind my ear. I rest my face in her palm and she leans over and touches her lips to mine. It starts as a simple and gentle kiss, but I feel it warm my entire body and I need more. Lisa grabs my arm and pulls it to gesture for me to climb over the middle divider. I quickly oblige and straddle her lap, my back hitting the steering wheel. I feel the seat recline slightly, giving us more room as I lift her shirt a little to slide my hands under it. Her stomach is hard and her skin is hot. I trace my fingers along the ink there.
Her tongue massages mine and she wraps her arms around me tightly. The feeling is almost painful, but it's a pain I will gladly endure to be this close to her. She moans into my mouth as I put my hands farther up her shirt. I love that I can make her moan, too, that I have this effect on her. I'm really about to get lost in the sensation again when we are interrupted by my phone ringing.
"Another alarm?" she teases as I pull back and reach into my purse.
Smiling, I open my mouth to say something smart back at her, but when I look at the screen and see it's Kai, I stop. Looking at Lisa, I can tell she's figured it out. Her expression changes, and fearing that I'm losing her, this mood, I hit the ignore button and toss my phone back onto the passenger seat. I am not thinking about Kai right now. I push him to the back corner of my mind and lock that door.
I lean back in to continue kissing Lisa, but she stops me.
"I think I better go." Her tone is clipped, and sends worry through me. When I draw back to look at her, her gaze is distant and ice immediately replaces the fire in my body.
"Lisa, I ignored it. I am going to talk to him about all this. I just don't know how or when—but it will be soon, though, I promise." I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I would have to break up with Kai the moment I kissed Lisa that first time. I can't date him if I've already betrayed him. It would always hang over my head like a dark cloud of guilt, and neither of us wants that. The way I feel about Lisa is another reason I can't be with Kai anymore. I love Kai, but if I really loved him the way he deserves to be loved, I wouldn't be having these feelings for Lisa. I don't want to hurt Kai, but there is no turning back now.
"Talk to him about what?" she snaps.
"All of this." I wave my hands around. "Us."
"Us? You're not trying to tell me you're going to break up with him . . . for me, are you?"
My head starts to spin. I know I should climb off her lap but I am frozen.
"You don't . . . want me to?" My voice comes out as a whisper.
"No, why would you? I mean, yeah, if you want to dump him, go for it, but don't do it on my behalf."
"I just . . . I thought . . ." I start to fumble my words. "I already told you that I don't date, Jennie," she says.
My body wants to freeze like a deer in headlights; the only thing that makes it possible for me to climb off her is the fact that I refuse to let her see me cry, again.
"You're disgusting," I say bitterly and grab my stuff from the floorboards and my phone from the seat. Lisa looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn't. "Stay away from me from now on—I mean it!" I shout, and she closes her eyes.
I walk as fast as I can to my building, to my room, somehow managing to hold in my tears until I get inside and shut the door. I am so grateful Wendy's gone as I slide down the door and break into sobs. How could I be so stupid? I knew how she was when I agreed to be alone with her, yet I practically jumped at the opportunity. Just because she was nice to me today, I got it into my head that what—that she would be my girlfriend? I laugh through my sobs at how stupid and naïve I am. I really can't even be angry with Lisa. She told me she doesn't date, but today we had such a nice time. She was actually pleasant and playful, and I thought we were really building a relationship of some kind.
But it was all an act, just so she could get into my pants. And I let her.