Jennie's POV
Being the disgusting person that she is, Lisa is sitting on my bed when I return. Visions of me grabbing the lamp and bashing her in the head flash through my mind, but I don't have the energy to fight with her.
"I'm not going to apologize," Lisa tells me as I walk past her toward Wendy's bed. I will not sit on my bed while she's on it.
"I know you aren't," I say and lie back.
I won't let her bait me into this fight, and I don't expect her to apologize. I know her better by now. Well, recent history would say that I don't know her at all. Last night I thought she was just an angry girl whose father left her, and that she held on to that hurt, using the only emotion she could to keep people out. This morning, I see that she is just a terrible, hateful person. There is nothing good about Lisa. At any moment I believed there was, it was only because that is what she tricked me into believing.
"He needed to know," she says.
I bite down on my lip to prevent the tears from returning. I stay quiet until I hear Lisa get up and move toward me. "Just go, Lisa," I say, but when I look up she is standing over me. When she sits down on the bed, I jump up.
"He needed to know," she repeats, and anger boils inside me. I know she just wants to get a rise out of me.
"Why, Lisa? Why did he need to know? How could hurting him possibly be a good thing? You weren't affected one bit by him not knowing—you could have gone on with your day without telling him. You had no right to do that to him, or me." I feel the tears coming again but this time I can't stop them.
"I would want to know if I was him," she says, her voice steady and cold.
"You aren't him, though, and you never will be. I was stupid to think you could possibly be anything even close to him. And since when do you care about what is right?"
"Don't you dare compare me to him," she snaps. I hate the way she chooses only one of my statements to respond to, and that she usually warps what I'm saying to better provoke herself. She stands up and moves toward me, but I back away to the other side of the bed.
"There is no comparison. Don't you get that by now? You are a cruel and disgusting jerk who doesn't give a shit about anyone but yourself. And he—he loves me. He is willing to try to forgive me for my mistakes." I stare into her eyes. "My terrible mistakes," I add.
Lisa takes a step back as if I'd pushed her. "Forgive you?"
"Yeah, he will forgive me for this. I know he will. Because he loves me, so your pathetic plan to get him to break up with me so you can sit back and laugh didn't work. Now get out of my room."
"That wasn't . . . I—" she starts to say, but I cut her off. I've wasted enough time on her already.
"Get out! I know you're probably already plotting your next move against me, but guess what, Lisa? It isn't going to work anymore. Now get the fuck out of my room!" I am surprised at my harsh words, but I don't feel bad for using them against Lisa.
"That isn't what I'm doing, Jen. I thought after last night . . . I don't know, I thought you and I . . ." She seems to be at a loss for words, which is a first. Part of me, a huge part of me, is dying to know what she is going to say, but this is how I got so tangled in her web in the first place. She uses my curiosity against me, like it's all a game to her. I furiously wipe my eyes, thankful I didn't wear makeup yesterday.
"You aren't really expecting me to buy that, are you? That you feel something about me?"
I need to stop and she needs to leave before her claws sink deeper into me.
"Of course I do, Jennie. You make me feel so—"
"No! I don't want to hear it, Lisa. I know you're lying, and this is your sick way of getting off. To make me believe that you could possibly feel the same way about me as I do about you, and then will flip the switch. I know how this goes by now, and I won't keep it going."
"Feel the same way you do? Are you saying that you . . . you have feelings for me?" Her eyes flash with what appears to be hope. She is a much better actor than I thought.
She knows I do, she has to know that. What other reason could there be for me to keep this unhealthy cycle between us going? With a fear I've never felt before, I realize that though I had barely admitted my feelings for Lisa to myself, I now have put them out there in front of her, giving her easy access to smash them. Worse than she already has.
I feel my walls slowly being torn down by the way Lisa is looking at me and I can't let it happen. "Leave, Lisa. I won't ask again. If you don't leave I will call campus security."
"Jen, please answer me," she begs.
"Don't call me Jen; that name is reserved for family, friends, for people who actually care about me—now leave!" I yell, much louder than I had planned. I need her to get out and get away from me. I hate when she calls me Jane, but I hate when she calls me Jen even more. Something about the way her lips move when she says it makes it sound so intimate, so lovely. Damn it, Jennie. Just stop.
"Please, I need to know if you—"
"What a long weekend, boys and girls—I am exhausted!" Wendy says as she bursts into the room, playful exhaustion coloring her words. But when she notices my tearstained cheeks, she stops and her eyes narrow at Lisa.
"What is going on? What did you do?!" she yells at her. "Where is Kai?" she asks and looks at me.
"He left, just like Lisa is about to," I tell her. "Jennie . . ." Lisa begins.
"Wendy, please make her leave," I beg and she nods. Lisa's mouth falls open with annoyance at my use of Wendy against her. She thought she had me trapped again.
"Let's go, Girl Wonder," she says and grabs her arm, dragging her toward the door.
I stare at the wall until I hear the door shut but immediately hear their voices in the hall.
"What the hell, Lisa? I told you to stay away from her; she is my roommate and she's not like the other girls you mess with. She's nice, innocent, and, honestly, too good for you."
I am pleased and surprised by the way she is sticking up for me. But it still doesn't soothe the pain in my chest. My heart literally hurts. I thought I had experienced heartbreak after my day with Lisa at the stream, but that was nothing compared to how I feel right now. I hate to admit it to myself, but I know that spending the night with Lisa last night made my feelings for her so much stronger than they already were. Hearing her laugh while she tickled me, the way ahe gently kissed my lips, her tattooed arms wrapping around me, the way her eyes fluttered and closed when I traced my fingers over her bare skin—all of it made me fall deeper for her those intimate moments between us that made me care for her more also make this hurt so much more. On top of that, I have hurt Kai in a way that I can only pray he forgives me for.
"It's not like that." In her anger her accent has become thick and her words clipped.
"Bullshit, Lisa, I know you. Find someone else to mess around with; there are plenty of other girls. She isn't the type of girl you need to be doing this with; she has a boyfriend and she can't handle this shit."
I don't like hearing her say that I'm too sensitive, like I'm weak or something, but I guess she is right. I have done nothing but cry since I met Lisa, and now she has tried to ruin my relationship with Kai. I don't have what it takes to be something like friends with benefits, regardless of how she makes me feel. I have more respect for myself than that and I'm too emotional.
"Fine. I will stay away from her. But don't bring her to any more parties at my house," she snaps, and I hear her stomping off. As she goes down the hall, her voice recedes, too, as she yells, "I mean it, I don't want to see her again! And if I do, I will ruin her!"