Jennie's POV
Karen has made lots of sweets for us to eat. I eat a few while she and I discuss her love for baking. Jisoo doesn't join us in the dining room but it doesn't seem to cause any suspicion. I look over to where she just sits on the couch with her book on her lap and remind myself that I need to make sure I talk to her soon. I don't want to lose her friendship.
"I love baking as well, I am just no good at it," I tell Karen, and she laughs.
"I would love to teach you," she says. Hope is evident in her brown eyes and I nod.
"That would be great." I don't have the heart to say no. I feel for her; she is really trying to make an effort to get to know me. She believes me to be Lisa's girlfriend and I can't tell her otherwise. Lisa has made no move to tell her or her father, either, which gives me a swell of hope. I wish this night was how my life could always be, enjoying spending time with Lisa, her eyes constantly meeting mine as I converse with her father and future stepmother. She is being nice, for the last hour at least, and her thumb rubs over my knuckles in a gentle gesture that gives me a constant string of butterflies. The rain continues to pour outside and the wind howls.
After we finish the desserts, Lisa gets up from the table. I look at her questionably and she leans down to whisper in my ear.
"Be right back, just going to the loo," she says, and I watch her disappear down the hall.
"We both cannot thank you enough. It is so wonderful having Lisa here, even if it's only one dinner," Karen says and Marco takes her hand above the table.
"She's right. It is wonderful, as her father, to see my only daughter in love. I had always worried she wouldn't be capable . . . she was an . . . angry child," Marco mutters and looks at me. She must notice how I shift uncomfortably in my seat, because he follows up with "I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, we just love to see her happy."
Happy? Love? I choke on my breath and break into a heap of coughs; the cool water in my glass slides down my throat, calming it, and I look back at them. They think Lisa is in love with me? It would be incredibly rude to laugh at them, but he obviously doesn't know his daughter.
Before I can respond, Lisa returns and I thank the heavens that I didn't have to respond to their sweet, but false, assumptions. Lisa doesn't sit down, but rather stands behind me with her hands on the back of the chair.
"We really should get going. I have to take Jen back to the dorms," she says.
"Oh, don't be silly. You two should stay tonight. It's storming outside and we have plenty of room. Right, Marco?"
Lisa's father nods. "Of course, you're both welcome to stay."
Lisa looks at me. I want to stay. To extend my time with Lisa in what feels like a world away from the world, especially when she is in such a good mood.
"I don't mind," I answer. But I don't want to upset her by wanting to stay here any longer. Her eyes are unreadable, but she doesn't seem to be angry.
"Great! Then it's settled. I'll show Jennie to a room . . . unless you'll be staying with Lisa in her?" she asks. There is no judgment behind her voice, only kindness.
"No, I'd like my own room, please. If that's okay?" Lisa glares at me.
So she wanted me in her room with her? The thought excites me, but I don't feel comfortable with them knowing Lisa and I are at that point yet. My snarky subconscious reminds me that we aren't dating at all, or even close to it, so being at a "point" isn't possible. That I have a partner who is not Lisa. I ignore her as usual and follow Karen upstairs. I wonder why she's sending us straight to bed, but I'm not comfortable enough to ask.
She shows me to a room directly across from Lisa's. It isn't quite as large, but it's decorated just as beautifully. The bed is a little smaller and sits on a white frame against the wall. There are pictures of boats and anchors scattered through the room. I thank her multiple times and she hugs me again before leaving me to my room.
I walk around the room and find myself at the window. The backyard is much bigger than I had thought; I had only seen the deck and the trees on the left side. On the right side there is a small building that looks like a greenhouse, but I can't tell through the heavy rain.
As I stare at the rain, my thoughts begin to run wild. Today has been the best time I have ever had with Lisa, despite her multiple outbursts. She has held my hand, which she never does; she put her hand on my back as we walked, and she did her best to comfort me when I was worried about Jisoo. This is the furthest we have gone in our . . . friendship, or whatever this is. That's the confusing part: I know we can't and never will actually date, but maybe whatever we are doing now will be good enough? I have never imagined being someone's friend with benefits, but I know I won't be able to stay away from her. I have tried many times now, and it never works.
A light knock on the door brings me out of my thoughts. I expect to see Karen or Lisa, but instead I find Jisoo when I open the door. Her hands are in her pockets, and her pretty face holds a small, awkward smile.
"Hey," she says and I smile.
"Hey, do you want to come in?" I ask her, and she nods.
I walk over and sit on the bed; she pulls the chair out from the small table in the corner and takes a seat.
"I—" we both say at the same time and laugh. "You first," she suggests.
"Okay, I am so sorry that you found out about Lisa and me that way. I didn't go out there with that intention. I was just making sure she was okay; this whole dinner with her father was really getting to her and somehow we just ended up . . . kissing. I know how terrible it is of me, and I know I am horrible for cheating on Kai, but I am just so confused, and I tried to stay away from Lisa. I really did."
"I'm not judging you, Jennie. I was just surprised to see you two making out on the deck. I thought when I walked out I would find you yelling at each other." She laughs and continues. "I knew something was up with you two when you had that fight in the middle of Literature and then when you stayed last weekend, and then when she came back and started a fight with me. The signs were all there, but I thought you would tell me, though I do understand why you didn't."
I feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders. "You're not mad at me? Or think any different of me?" I ask her and she shakes her head.
"No, of course not. I am worried about you and Lisa, though. I don't want her to hurt you, and I believe she will. I am sorry for saying that, but as your friend I need you to know that she will."
I want to get defensive and even angry, but part of me knows she is right.
I just hope somehow she isn't.
"So what are you going to do about Kai?"
I groan. "I have no idea. I am afraid that if I break up with him I will regret it, but what I am doing to him isn't fair. I just need a little time to decide what to do."
She nods.
"Jisoo, I'm so relieved that you aren't mad at me. I was being a jerk earlier. I just didn't know what to say. I am sorry."
"Me, too, I completely understand." We both stand up and she hugs me.
A warm and comforting hug as the door opens.
"Um . . . am I interrupting something?" Lisa's voice travels through the room.
"No, come in," I tell her and she rolls her eyes. I hope she is still in a decent mood.
"I brought you some clothes to sleep in," she tells me. She places a small pile on the bed and goes to walk out.
"Thank you, but you can stay." I don't want her to leave.
She looks at Jisoo and snaps, "No, I'm good," before leaving the room. "She is so moody!" I whine and plop down on the bed.
Jisoo chuckles and sits back down. "Yeah, moody is one word for it." We both burst into laughter and then Jisoo begins to talk about Yeri and how she can't wait for her to come visit next weekend. I almost forgot about the bonfire. Kai is coming. Maybe I should tell him not to.
What if this change between Lisa and me is all in my head? I feel like something has changed between us today, and she did tell me she wants me more than she has ever wanted anyone. But she didn't exactly say she has feelings for me, only that she wants me. After an hour of Jisoo and I talking about everything from Tolstoy to the Seattle skyline, she tells me good night and retreats to her room, leaving me alone to my thoughts and the sound of the rain.