Jennie's POV
The car ride is awkward. I hold my clothes on my lap and stare out the window, waiting to see if Lisa is going to break the silence that hangs between us. She makes no move to speak so I pull my phone out of my purse. It's off; it must have died last night. I try to turn it on anyway and the screen comes to life. I am relieved to find that I have no new voicemails or texts. The only noise in the car is the light rain and the slow screech of the windshield wipers.
"Are you still mad?" she finally asks as she pulls onto campus. "No," I lie. I am not exactly mad, just hurt.
"It sure seems like you are. Don't act like a child."
"Well, I am not. I couldn't care less if you want to drop me off so you can go hook up with Nancy." The words tumble from my mouth before I can stop them. I hate the way I feel about her and Nancy. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of them together. What is it about her, anyway? Her pink hair? Her tattoos?
"That's not what I am doing. Not that it's your business," she scoffs.
"Yeah, well, you jumped to answer your phone when I was about to . . .well, you know," I mutter. I should have just stayed quiet. I don't want to fight with Lisa right now. Especially when I don't know when I will see her again. I really wish she hadn't dropped Literature. She just pushes my buttons, every single one.
"It isn't like that, Jane," she says. So we are back to Jane?
"Really, Lisa? It seems like it is to me. I don't really give a crap anyway. I knew it wouldn't last," I finally admit to her and myself. The reason I didn't want to leave her father's house is that I knew once it was just Lisa and me, it would go back to this. It always does.
"What wouldn't last?"
"This . . . us. You being decent to me." I don't dare to look at her; that's how she gets me to turn to putty every time.
"So what then? You're going to avoid me for another week? We both know that by this weekend you'll be back in my bed," she snaps.
She surely did not just say that.
"Ex-cuse me?!" I shout. I am at a loss for words. No one has ever talked to me the way she has—no one has ever been so disrespectful. Tears brim over my eyes as the car slows to park.
Before she can respond, I open the door, grab my things, and bolt toward my room. I cut across the soaking grass and curse at myself for not taking the sidewalk, but I just need to get as far away from Lisa as possible. When she said she wants me, she meant sexually. I knew this but it hurts to let it soak in.
"Jennie!" I hear her call. One of Wendy's heels drops and falls to the ground but I keep running. I will get her a new pair.
"Damn it, Jennie! Stop!" she yells again. I hadn't expected her to follow me. I push myself to run faster, and finally I reach my building and run down the hall. By the time I reach my dorm room, I am full-on sobbing. I yank the door open, then slam it shut behind me. My tears mix with the rain and I turn to look for my bath towel to clean off with—
And am frozen in place when I see Kai sitting on my bed.
Oh God, not now. Lisa will be crashing through the door any second.
Kai gets up and rushes toward me. "Jennie, what is wrong? Where have you been?" His hand tries to cup my cheek, but I turn my head. Pain flashes in his eyes as I turn away from his touch.
"It's . . . I am so sorry, Kai," I cry as Lisa yanks the door open, the hinges squeaking and cracking from her might.
Kai's eyes widen and narrow as his gaze meets Lisa's. He backs away from me with a horrified expression. Lisa tosses the high heel that I left behind and walks farther into the room without acknowledging Kai's presence at all.
"I didn't mean that, what I just said," she says.
Kai looks at me, hatred laced through his voice as he exclaims, "That's where you were? You were with him all night? Are those his clothes? I tried to call you and text you all night and all morning—I left you countless voicemails and you were with her?"
"What? I—" I start, but then turn to Lisa. "You went through my phone, didn't you? You deleted the messages!" I shout at her. My head tells me to answer Kai, but my heart is focused only on Lisa.
"Yeah . . . I did," she admits.
"Why the hell would you do that? You can answer Nancy's calls, but you delete my messages from my boyfriend?!"
She winces as I call Kai my boyfriend.
"How dare you play these games with me, Lisa!" I scream, sobbing again.
Kai grabs my wrist and turns me to face him, which only prompts Lisa to shove Kai back by his shoulders.
"Do not touch her," she growls.
This is not happening. I watch as the daytime soap opera that has become my life unfolds in front of me.
"You don't tell me what to do with my girlfriend, you prick," Kai says angrily, and shoves Lisa.
Lisa advances toward Kai once more, but I grab her shirt and pull her back. Maybe I should let them fight each other. Lisa deserves a good punch in the jaw.
"Stop it! Lisa, just go!" I wipe my tears.
Lisa glares at Kai again and moves to stand in front of me. I reach over and gently place my palm against Lisa's back, hoping it may help calm her.
"No, I'm not leaving this time, Jennie. I have already done that too many times." She sighs and runs her fingers through her hair.
"Jennie, make her leave!" Kai begs, but I ignore him. I have to know what Lisa will say.
"I didn't mean what I said in the car, and I don't know why I took Nancy's phone call. It's a habit, I guess—please just give me another chance. I know you have already given me too many chances, but I just need one more. Please, Jen." She lets out a big breath. She sounds exhausted.
"Why should I, Lisa? I have continued to give you chances to be my friend over and over," I tell her. "I don't think I have it in me to try again."
I am faintly aware of Kai gaping at us, but at the moment I don't care. I know this is wrong—I'm wrong—but I've never wanted anything so much in my life.
"I don't just want to be friends . . . I want more." Her words knock the wind right out of me.
"No, you don't." Lisa doesn't date, my subconscious warns. "Yes, I do. I do."
"You said you don't date and that I wasn't your type," I remind her. My mind still can't wrap itself around the fact that I am having this conversation with Lisa, in front of Kai, at that.
"You aren't my type, just the way that I am not yours. But that's why we are good for each other—we are so different, yet we're the same. You told me once that I bring out the worst in you. Well, you bring out the best in me. I know you feel it, too, Jennie. And yes, I didn't date, until you. You make me want to date, you make me want to be better. I want you to think I am worthy of you; I want you to want me the way I do you. I want to fight with you, even scream at each other until one of us admits we are wrong. I want to make you laugh, and listen to you ramble about classic novels. I just . . . I need you. I know I am cruel at times . . . well, all the time, but that's only because I don't know how else to be." Her voice becomes a half whisper, her eyes wild. "This has been me for so long, I have never wanted to be any other way. Until now, until you."
I am dumbfounded. She's said everything I wanted her to say but never imagined that she actually would. This is not the Lisa I know, but the way her words came out in a rushed string, and the heavy breathing that accompanied them, somehow make it all the more true and natural.
I am not sure how I am still standing after her declaration. "What the hell? Jennie?" Kai says frantically.
"You should go," I whisper, not breaking eye contact with Lisa.
Kai steps forward and crows with victory. "Thank you! I thought that was never going to end."
Lisa looks heartbroken, absolutely crushed. "Kai, I said you should go," I repeat.
Both of them suck in a sharp breath. Relief washes over Lisa and I reach for her hands, threading my small fingers through her trembling ones.
"What?" Kai shouts. "You can't be serious, Jennie! We have known each other so long—this girl is just using you. She will toss you aside as soon as she is done with you, and I love you! Don't make this mistake, Jennie," he begs.
I feel for him, and it hurts me to do this to him, but I know I can't be with Kai. I want Lisa. More than anything I've ever wanted in my life.
And Lisa wants me. More with me.
My heart flutters again and I look at Kai, who opens his mouth to say something.
"I would stop talking. Now," Lisa warns him.
"I am so sorry that it happened this way, I really am," I say.
He doesn't say anything else. He looks broken as he picks up the backpack he brought and leaves my room.
"Jennie . . . I . . . You really do feel the same way?" Lisa gasps and I nod.
How could she not know this by now?
"No nodding, please say it." Desperation fuels her words.
"Yeah, Lisa I do," I say. I don't have a beautiful or meaningful speech like she did, but those simple words seem to be enough for her.
The smile I receive heals some of the pain I feel from breaking Kai's heart.
"So what do we do now?" she asks. "I'm new at this." She flushes.
"Kiss me," I say and she pulls me to her chest, her hand fisting the loose fabric of her shirt on my back. Her lips are cool and her tongue is warm as it slips into my mouth. Despite the chaos that just occurred in my small room, I feel calm. This feels like a dream. I somehow know it is the calm before the storm, but right now Lisa is my anchor. I just pray that she doesn't pull me under.