Chapter Nine: Friends, Fanatics, and Frantic Feelings

Xander and Hugo had arrived back to Hogwarts separately that morning, but by late afternoon, the two boys had found each other again, and they were now both sitting on the braided rug that centered the head's common room, the rectangular coffee table in between the of them completely covered by the piles of books that had been scattered all around and the scrolls of parchments that were spilling in every which direction.

Hugo flipped a page to the book he held up on bent knees. "She was really upset then?"

It had been uncomfortably warm a couple of minutes ago, the late afternoon sun dangling right outside the small arched window, but upon its descent, a cool gust of wind entered and fluttered the corners of their papers.

"Bloody mental," Xander retorted, quill not leaving parchment.

Hugo closed up his book and pulled himself closer to the table. "Yeah, well, you're a tosser."

"Me?" Xander cried out indignantly. "Lily was the one who - Oi!" Hugo had reached for a throw pillow and thrown it squarely at his face, leaving him too dumbfounded to be properly upset. "What was that for?"

"We were talking about Caroline!"

He grimaced. "Oh… right."

Xander had allowed his mind to wander over to Lily the second a rift of silence had fallen over them, but Hugo was right - it had been Caroline Suffles they'd been discussing.

She'd somehow managed to find him the second he had arrived back to the castle. A not-so-small part of Xander had hoped it was to tell him her date with Kris Kumar had gone so splendidly, she was going to have to end things with Xander, but Kris Kumar made no appearance in their conversation, and it was Xander who had been forced to not only confess his mishap that weekend, but also admit that he could no longer go on seeing her.

"It's just getting too much between us," Xander had said, not able to find better words. "I don't want anyone to get hurt."

There had been an infinity of just that in her eyes.

Xander dropped his forehead to the edge of the table, guilt doubling him over. "I can't believe I did that."

"What part of it all exactly?"

"All of it." He picked up his head but still didn't meet his eyes, instead staring at the tapestry behind him, the blue bird perched on the fair maiden's curled finger suddenly his focal point. "I shouldn't have started things up with Caroline again. I should've at least thought about her before I…" Xander had never dwelled on his mistakes before, but they were coming at him all at once now, leaving him mute. "Lily was right," he admitted, hating that he had known that from the beginning and had chosen to go off on her instead of just admitting it to her. "I shouldn't have done that there."

Hugo straightened his back and then let out the one question Xander couldn't have predicted. "What are Clarifiers to you?"

Xander looked up, at first thinking he might've misheard him. "Sorry?"

"You were born in America," Hugo started carefully, "probably to a wizarding family who must've been affected by their government overtake in one way or another." He meant it as a question but Xander only stayed quiet, not wanting to admit the little he knew, the much he did not. Hugo gave him a minute before quietly adding, "I asked Lily-"

The sound of her name heated something up inside of him, as if he were standing underneath a hundred different spotlights. "Lily doesn't fucking know anything, Hugo. You shouldn't have-"

"Lily doesn't want to know," said Hugo, sounding like he was apologizing and not all at the same time. "When I asked her who your family was, she just said, 'We are.' James and Albus go about it the same way. I think they feel like it'd be disloyal, admitting you're not actually a part of their family-"

"You obviously don't have that problem."

Hugo winced. "Shit, Xander. I didn't mean it like that."

Xander wasn't even listening anymore. He had started scrolling up his laid out parchments, tossing them into his book bag, and then not even bothering with his wand to bag the textbooks that had sprawled around him.

"Don't get mad," said Hugo, imploringly. "I just can't help but feel like it's been messing with you, this whole business with Clarifiers… You were a moody mess after the attack at Connerton, and you've been obsessing over Galaforth, and maybe if you went ahead and talked about it, you'd stop going around-"

"Jesus-fucking-Christ," Xander snapped at him, "I don't need you to psychoanalyze every single damn thing I do."

He might've not realized the fact that he had jumped up to his feet if not for the fact that Hugo was mirroring his movements, only that Hugo's hands were out in front of him, signaling surrender, "Okay, mate," he said, inhaling slowly. "I'm sorry. You're right."

They stood like that, staring at each other for a long time. Xander's eyes swept over to the mirror that stood where a door might've been, functioning as the same. He didn't look like much, staring back at himself. "Clarifiers killed my mum," he said finally.

He had never spoken those words out loud to anyone before. It shocked him that no lasting damage was left on his tongue. Hugo didn't so much as flinch, as if all along he had been expecting something of the sort. "You don't remember," said Hugo, as if needing to the confirmation to come point blank from him.

Xander shook his head. "Harry and Ginny told me, that summer when I turned thirteen. There'd been these rumors at school…" He trailed off, thinking that part of the story pointless. "Anyways, no, I don't remember her, or anything, and they wouldn't even tell me her name."

It had been the first and last time Xander ever snapped at either of them, angry at being kept from something he belonged to him. "Harry thought I might use her name to find the people who killed her. Ginny had said they'd tell me more once I was older, but then, well then…"

Xander had grown older but Ginny hadn't lived long enough to keep her promise. It had felt like karma, Ginny dying. It had felt as if the universe had been punishing him for forgetting his mother instead of grieving her properly.

He took a deep breath and sank into the couch. "I don't know what they're to me," he told Hugo, coming full circle to his original question. "I don't know why they killed her. She might've been a muggleborn or something of the sort. It's only that I keep getting this feeling, like they're none done with me yet - like I'm not done with them."

Hugo reached down into his book and sat down next to Xander, offering him the chocolate bar he had pulled out. It was such an unexpected gesture, Xander couldn't help but let out a choked laugh. "Fuck's sake, Weasley, not everything gets solved with-"

"Shut it," said Hugo, pushing it into his hand humorlessly. "I've got nothing smart to say, so go ahead and eat that, and we can both pretend a great conversation came out of this, yeah?"

Somehow that felt like exactly the right thing to say.

()()

Hogwarts received Lily with a pile of homework that was astonishing considering how careful she'd been about ensuring she selected what she'd considered the easier courses for her seventh and final year at Hogwarts.

Fortunately, Lily had long ago figured out that homework weighed for less than half of their overall percentage grade. Most of their points derived from exams and class demonstrations, which had always been her strong point anyways.

Unfortunately, Oscar Knight had picked up on this complacent attitude during their last Potions' class when Lily's exam had been returned with an 'E' stamped on the top right corner and she had clapped her hands excitedly, exclaiming, "I don't even have to do worry about that stupid paper from last week anymore, so long as I get an 'O' on next week's brewing assignment."

Oscar hadn't said anything about it then but when he cut practice early that Saturday morning to sit them down on the ground, Lily had known she would be the one in trouble.

"I can't believe you purposely settled yourself into the 'barely passing' danger zone," he said, pacing back and forth in front of them, heated anger flushing underneath his olive skin. "Stupidest shit I've ever heard, Potter."

"Quite brilliant, I think," Lysander said, his fingers counting at each other. "That's some math."

Oscar pointed out towards the sidelines. "Lap!"

A grin broke out in Lysander's face, clearly preferring running to sitting still. Catching on, Lorcan also raised his hand, but Oscar ignored him entirely. "Lily, what other homework assignments do you still owe?"

Hugo fell on his back, letting the sun blind him squarely on the face. "We'll be here all day."

"Oi." Lily kicked at her cousin's toes gently. To Oscar, she added, "I'm only missing that charm's paper now. I'll turn it in today or tomorrow, the latest."

"You'll turn it in today." Oscar had moved to stand right in front of her, so that his shadow swallowed her whole. "From now on, I'm benching you from practice every single time you're behind on homework - even if you're passing the class."

Oscar had never had any siblings, and this might've been the reason he was so often over-involved and protective with his friends. It annoyed the rest of them, but Lily, who had never been taken care of so closely by anyone, not even by her own father, didn't quite mind the attention. Out loud, she groaned, "Finneeee."

"Well now that all is well and settled with our little rebel child," said Nia, closing up the hand, on which she'd been observing perfectly polished fingernails, "can we talk about uniforms? I refuse to continue wearing these unisex jerseys. It has a gross fit. Lily's tiny boobs get lost in there."

"Woah - I wouldn't say they get lost -" Lily looked down at her chest and found her lap instead. "Yeah, this is utter bullshit, Oscar."

Auggie, who had been distractedly plucking strands of grass while Oscar went on the rant about Lily's grades, now turned to pull Lily slightly back, so that he could get a better look at her chest.

"Baucher," Oscar said tiredly, "could you stop ogling-"

"I'm confused," said Auggie, looking genuinely just that. "How would a new jersey help?"

If it'd been anyone else staring unapologetically at the part of her body she felt the most insecure about, Lily might've hexed their eyelids shut. Auggie, however, was her friend. He was in the year below but only a few months younger, and she loved him a little brother, teased him like a girlfriend, and flirted with him in the carefree way one could manage when there was absolutely zero sexual tension involved.

"If we had a jersey with a better fitting fabric," Lily explained, pulling back at her shirt in her waist area and plucking her chest forward, "it would cinch on our waist and emphasize our curves. I mean, I know I don't have much to go on either way, but I'd have something if I wasn't wearing a damn cardboard box."

Auggie nodded loosely. "Oh yeah, that tracks."

Nia drew a circle around her own chest, further illustrating. "Meanwhile, my boobs are so huge, it makes me look big all around." Auggie turned over to her, and Lily reached to pull back on Nia's shirt, showing him that a better fitted shirt would allow her that enviable hour-glass figure. Nia played along, spreading her arms out. "God, I'm so fucking hot when everything's in its proper place. Knight, you're shitting on my shine."

"Nobody's looking at your chest during games," said Oscar, pinching at his forehead.

"Exactly." Nia's indignation made Lily laugh. "Come on," she added, entering a whiny tone as Oscar continued to shake his head, "just think of all the points our team could manage if we gave Lily the lift she needs to send Edward Ballard spinning on his broom."

At this newfound logic, a collective raise of voices erupted, Auggie quickly chiming in, "Let the girls be, Cap!" and Lorcan agreeing, "Do it for the team!" and even Hugo whining out, "Merlin's sake, make this conversation end!"

Oscar looked up towards the sky in resignation. "I'll talk to Longbottom about it, okay?"

"Why are we cheering?" Lysander cried out, circling around the pitch.

"Keep running!" Oscar shouted back at him.

Hugo reached to poke at Lily's shoulder, his wrist upside down so she could see the time on his watch. "You better hurry on, Lils. You've got detention, remember?"

"Detention?" said Nia, looking, as she always did, annoyed that Lily had failed to disclose a new happening in her life. "What did you do?"

Lily, however, was already running towards the changing rooms, rushing into an outfit that was much more suitable to the daunting task of writing lines on a never ending piece of parchment paper.

()()

"We won't be spending detention inside today."

The frantic run from the pitch's changing rooms to Greenhouse 4 had left Lily breathless enough that she did not immediately think to question Professor Longbottom's assertion as he locked the glass door from the outside. However, as they neared the castle's gates, she came to a realization; "Not the Forbidden Forest either?"

In all the detentions she has served (and there had been plenty), the Forbidden Forest had never played a part as setting, but Uncle Ron often swore he had served his first one there, and though Lily didn't tend to believe his outlandish tales, she'd always remained hopeful.

Professor Longbottom might've heard the lingering yearning in her voice because he smiled warmly at her and said, "I'm afraid not."

Still, Lily followed her teacher down the cobblestone path that led to Hogsmeade without complaint, only when they reached the wizarding village - looking pretty as ever dressed in orange leaves, but with its store fronts closed until later that morning - did she say, "Professor, what are we doing in Hogsmeade?"

Professor Longbottom stuck out his elbow to her. "Only apparating somewhere else."

He was not dressed in his teaching cloak today but rather in a worn out corduroy jacket and cream-colored trousers, and Lily suddenly realized that he looked much more like the 'Neville' she knew from home than the 'Professor Longbottom' role he took on on school, and it was perhaps this that made her cling on to him excitedly as he sucked them into an abyss that sent her spinning in complete darkness and landed her outside a charming, gray-stoned cottage surrounded by rolling hills and fertile meadows only seconds later.

()()

She hardly had time to appraise her surroundings before Professor Longbottom was pushing through the door of the white picket fence and then ringing the bell outside the main door. There was a flutter of noise as someone peeked out the drawn window blinds. A second later, the door had opened, and there stood a middle-aged man with light bright hair, bloodshot eyes, and a smile that instantly broke her heart.

"Neville, my friend," said the man, "I wasn't expecting you until Saturday morning!"

Professor Longbottom looked at him brightly, "And thus I've come. Lily," her teacher's hand went on her shoulders bringing her forward, "this Mr. is Dennis Creevey, an old schoolmate of mine. Dennis this is-"

"Of course," said Mr. Creevey, taking one of Lily's hands and covering it with both of his. "Lily Potter. It's such a pleasure to have you here, dear. Please come on in."

Mr. Creevey had rushed ahead of them, picking up empty bottles of cognac and firewhiskey from the kitchen table. Lily attempted to pretend not to notice as he deposited them down a trash can that crunched before gobbling them down, though it might've been more polite to keep her eyes on that insead of the piles of unwashed dishes collecting over the sink.

They all sat around the kitchen table, but still Lily couldn't pinpoint exactly what was so odd about the man. She had enough experience with dorm parties to know the empty bottles were to blame for the unsteadiness of his stance, but that alone did not explain the fact that every time Professor Longbottom posed a question, Mr. Creevey answered with something that was not at all related.

"Have you considered returning to work, Dennis?"

"Oh you must thank Hannah for continuing to send us more of her delicious casseroles… We've quite enjoyed them."

"She'll be pleased to hear… By the way, have you managed to convince Maya to come to Hogwarts?" said Professor Longbottom with a defininity that made Lily think perhaps this was the reason for their visit. "She's already quite the number of weeks behind…"

"Hogwarts?" said Mr. Creevey, as if he'd never considered the word before. "Oh no, no. Maya - She wants to be homeschooled this year… It's a respectable choice, homeschooling one's child."

There was nothing but kindness when Professor Longbottom responded, "If one should be in the appropriate deposition to take on such a task."

Lily tried finding signs of an eleven-year-old child but could find none. Professor Longbottom was nodding along as Mr. Creevey, once again, managed to stir the conversation towards a more trivial topic, but his eyes met hers, and he glanced up the stairwell behind the kitchen.

"Excuse me," said Lily politely. "I think I need to use the loo…"

"Up the stairs and to your right, dear," said Mr. Creevey with a nod in the direction.

Once upstairs, Lily found Maya's room quickly enough. The door was already half ajar and color spilled out of it like it was bursting to get out. She knocked on the door twice, craning her neck inside when a voice squeaked out, "Come on in."

The room was completely cluttered, not like the kitchen below them, but in all the same ways Lily kept her own room - mountains of clothes spread about the horizon, shoes everywhere, and quidditch posters covering every inch of the lilac walls.

"Oh. My. God! It's you!"

Lily stepped further in to discover a dark-skinned witch with wild brown curls. Large expressive eyes stared at her just above a Teen Witch that covered the rest of her face. Lily couldn't immediately answer. She'd only just realized that her brother, James, covered almost every inch of the back wall, flying from one magazine cut out to the other, that contagious grin of his in full display as he tossed a quaffle and landed it effortlessly into a hoop.

It wasn't only James though. There were photographs of Lily too, doing very little more than wearing pretty dresses and offering friendly-enough smiles at the cameras.

The girl had jumped to her feet. "You're Lily Luna Potter," she said, as if it was imperative that Lily should know this bit of information.

Lily recognized the bow behind her head as something reminiscent of the ones Lily used to wear herself. "And you're Maya Creevey," she said with a smile. "It's so nice to finally meet you."

()()

"You're a Falmouth Falcon's fan too, right?"

Lily was sitting in Maya's bed, shoes off and legs crossed. Maya had been showing her the dozens and dozens of magazines that had mentioned her in the past few years. It had made Lily nervous, going through the magazines, not knowing when one of them would accuse Lily Luna Potter of one indecency or another, but it seemed all the ones kept in the Creevey household had nothing but nice things to say about the Potters.

"Obviously," said Lily, "and not just because James plays for them. They're the best team, bar none."

"He's so handsome, isn't he?"

"James?" said Lily with a laugh.

Maya pulled out a large leather bound book that had fallen in-between the spaces between her bed and the wall. It was James' unofficial autobiography. Freddie had made fun of him endlessly for it. Maya, however, was looking at it with great devotion.

"He was the youngest player to ever sign a contract," she informed Lily smartly. "Everyone wanted him."

This was only partially true. James had been the youngest player to ever been offered a contract from a professional team, but their father hadn't allowed him to sign himself anywhere until he had turned seventeen, despite the many unpleasant arguments that had resulted from it.

"Will you be playing professionally after Hogwarts?" Maya asked with unmasked curiosity. "I've heard you're fantastic. Teen Witch asked James who had been his favorite teammate and he said it had been you, by a long shot."

Lily knew it was the sort of charming answer James would have used to navigate his way out of a compromising question, but it warmed her nonetheless. "You'll be able to watch me play once you come to Hogwarts."

Her face fell. "I am not going to Hogwarts."

"How come?"

She teased the edge of her pillow. "I have to take care of my dad."

The empty glass bottles came to mind. "Is he sick?"

Maya hesitated. "He hasn't been well since my mum died." Lily understood it now, the sadness that had enveloped that charming home; it was the same one that had fallen on the Manor after Ginny passed. "She was an Auror. Something went wrong."

Lily remembered having to say, 'She was sick. It wasn't something in her lungs,' and not being able to comprehend the elaborate details of the disease that had taken away the person who knew how to love her best of all.

Maya bit her bottom lip. "He quit his job to take care of me. It wouldn't be very nice to leave him on his own now."

"Hm, yeah, that's fair…" said Lily, not completely sure of what else to say to that. "Although, if you came to Hogwarts, he'd be able to start working again…" Maya's eyes went up hers, fully attentive, and Lily knew she hadn't completely butchered it yet. "It might help him, keeping his mind busy… and, well, school could do the same for you."

"I don't know anyone at Hogwarts," said Maya, "and everyone's already started. They'll ask me why I've come in so late in the term."

"Right," said Lily. "They will." She let out a breath. She had hated going back to Hogwarts after Ginny had passed away. Her mother's illness had been a well-kept secret, and her death had not only shocked her children, but the wizarding world as a whole. It'd been awful, those few weeks back, the stares, the condolences, the friends that had urged her to talk about it, and then the ones that had avoided mentioning the topic at all. "My mum passed away during the Christmas holidays. We were back at school a week later. It was all sorts of awkward, I know what you mean about that."

Maya's eyes wouldn't leave her. "Wouldn't you've rather just stayed at home?"

Lily gave a small contemplative smile. "I didn't think I had an option, really."

She picked up another magazine. This one was a couple of years old. James had still been in Hogwarts. They had a photograph of him with Freddie Weasley and Ellie Castro, and taking the quiz on the page was meant to answer, "Which James Potter BFF Are You?"

"It was good that I went back though," Lily went on, with what she hoped was a casual enough tone. "At home, I always feel all the emptiness of my mum, but at Hogwarts, it felt more like I could retrace her steps in some way." It'd been hard to manage a minute alone but the few she'd managed had been spent studying the Books of Records stored in the library, memorizing her mother's old class schedules, the names of the team members on her quidditch team… "It feels easier to think of her at Hogwarts, where she was a student like me, than it does at home, where she was my mum only."

Maya seemed to understand this. "My mum went to Hogwarts too. She loved it there."

Lily grinned. "It's impossible not to love Hogwarts."

"She had a lot of friends," said Maya, not pompously, just like she was unsure she could manage that herself.

"You will make friends too," said Lily, convinced. "You're already friends with me, and you've only just met me."

"There you are, Lily!" Professor Longbottom knocked on the open door behind them. Mr. Creevey was following close behind. "Oh hello, Maya." He greeted her with enough familiarity that Lily understood the two had met plenty of times before. "It's nice to see you again. I've been wondering if you'd given Hogwarts any more thought?"

Maya looked from him to her father, who sat down at the edge of her bed and tucked one of her curls behind her ear. "They really were the best years of my life," he admitted gently. "I met your mum there."

Maya's arms circled around her father's neck, a sob escaping her.

Lily followed Professor Longbottom out of the bedroom, all the way out to the front yard, where they sat on a wooden bench beneath a carmina tree. It was past mid-day now, the sun bright and out, going on despite it all. Lily let out a shaky breath. "Mr. Creevey doesn't seem well."

Professor Longbottom didn't deny this. "Grief can be a debilitating thing."

"If Maya were to decide to stay…."

"She'll come."

She turned to him. "How can you be so sure?"

Professor Longbottom only granted her a knowing smile. "I was thinking," he went on, "that we should find a tutor for Maya. She'll be behind on her school work and struggling with her current load. I thought of Hugo or Hannah, of course, but they're both so busy as it is."

Lily thought over the options carefully. There were several seventh and sixth years that came to mind, like Baird Kimble and Caroline Suffles, who were smart but set too tightly focuses on their own endeavors to give Maya the patience she needed; there were other options - Mason Fleet, Auggie Baucher, herself - who were kinder but only barely managing their own classes.

"Xander."

Professor Longbottom looked surprised, though not entirely displeased. "Xander?"

Lily explained, "He used to help me with homework all the time when we were younger. He'd never let me cheat either. He thinks the learning itself is so important. Even now, he's always helping Hugo or Lucy. I know he's taking like a million classes, but I bet he could manage it."

Professor Longbottom brightened. "I like the sound of that. Let me know what he says about it."

Lily had been nodding along but suddenly choked on her own spit, realizing he meant for her to be the one to ask the favor. "Oh no, he wouldn't listen to-"

"Oh let me help you with that!" Professor Longbottom jumped up brightly, and Lily turned to watch as Maya Creevey exited her front door, her father carrying a trunk behind her.

()()

Lily's stomach twisted with hunger pains as she watched Professor Longbottom and Maya Creevey disappear towards the headmistress's office, but Oscar's threat from that morning was still fresh on her mind, so she went directly to the unfinished Charm's essay that laid wrinkled at the bottom of her the drawer, and then, once finished, over to the North Tower so she could turn it in once and for all.

Professor Bay's classroom was empty when she arrived, but her door had been left wide open, and Lily found herself walking straight over to the cathedral window, where she could easily make the Slytherin team practicing. Gryffindor would be playing them first this year, and though there was a deep rooted team rivalry, they were quite good this year, and Lily found herself staying in a perfect trance as she watched them fly about until, finally, they lowered to the ground, and she realized time had passed, and it'd be best to leave her paper on her teacher's desk.

Just as she turned to leave however, Lily collided into a solid presence that startled into a loud enough scream that turned out to be a hex performed by a wand she couldn't even remember pulling out of her pocket.

"Lily!" Xander barely managed to duck the neon orange light that had blasted the desk behind him into flames. "What the fuck?"

Lily's hand clutched tight on her essay as she pressed it against her chest. It seemed very possible that her frantic heart would beat itself out of her chest and into the burst of flames.

"What the fuck, to you! What are you doing here?"

Xander casted a non-verbal spell bringing the table back together into place, every single paper and quill and paperweight returned to its original place. "I have an exam to present. What are you-?" He took the paper she'd been clinging unto, giving it a short read-over, and then casted another non-verbal spell that shuddered the parchment and left it wrinkle-free. "Leave the paper on the desk. I'll pass along the message."

Lily had been planning on doing just that but the bossiness of his tone bothered her. "Oh sure, whatever you say, Professor Asshole."

Xander groaned as Lily scooted up the nearest wooden table, her legs swinging freely beneath, and a defiant look in her gaze. "I only meant to say," he tried again, "that Professor Bay should be here soon. I told her I'd come by after detention."

"Hm," said Lily, aiming at indifference.

Xander stretched the distance between them further by taking a seat at the opposite side of the room. Meanwhile, Lily pretended to read over her essay once again, keeping him only in her peripheral vision. When the frown on his face lasted longer than she anticipated, she broke down and asked, "How did detention go?"

His scowl deepend, eyes down at his hands. "Bloody disappointment that fucking was."

"You do realize detention is meant to disappoint, don't you? Like, by design."

Xander looked almost embarassed. "Only I had thought, an hour of silence and homework? What could be better?"

"Gosh, you must be fun at parties."

Xander crossed his arms on the desktop and sunk his chin into them. "I'm not, no."

There was something about his reply that Lily found vulnerable, sweet almost. It managed to soften something inside of her. "What happened then?"

Xander let out a long sigh. He turned his face towards her, his cheek still resting on his folded arms. "McGonagall called me into her office, said she wanted to personally oversee my detention, like I was some sort of high level criminal that needed close supervision. She then had me polish the trinkets in her cupboard…. without my wand, as if I were a muggle."

Lily eyed him measuredly. "Careful there, Vandenberg. Your Slytherin is showing."

Xander straightened his back, inching towards frustration. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just the way she went about taking my wand wand and then giving me this look like - like she wanted to prove how little I was worth without magic."

Minerva McGonagall was a frightening figure to be sure, but she had never been known to take pleasure in the misery of others, and Lily couldn't help but think that maybe Xander had been drawn to the conclusion by his own insecurities rather than any implications made by McGonagall.

"Anyways, someone called her out of her office, and…" Xander's face screwed together, as if only just starting to realize where he had gone wrong. "I probably shouldn't have used magic, but I just wanted to show her just how little it mattered to me, the fact that she'd taken my wand." He ran his hands over his face. "That bloody witch tricked me though. The moment she stepped back into the office, everything that had been wiped clean by charm suddenly blotched with visible layers of dirt. It took me hours to finish cleaning everything up."

"I can't believe you thought you could outsmart McGonagall, the nerve of you."

Xander slumped so far down his seat, the back of his head nearly touched the desk behind him, like a layered cake melting in the sun. "She hates me."

Lily hopped off the table and went to this side, pulling at his arm so he was forced to sit straight. "She's trying to teach you some humility. Speaks volumes of her, really. If I were her, I'd given up on your pedantic arse."

"I'm humble as fuck!" Xander spread his arms out. Lily stared at him incredulously. "Oh okay, humor me then, where did you serve detention? I bet you somehow ended up with fifty points and an ice cream cone."

"For the millionth time, Gryffindors don't get favorited," said Lily, and then she told him all about the grieving widow, the empty bottles, and the eleven-year-old girl.

When she finished, Xander's eyebrows had managed to bury even deeper into each other. "Claudette Creevey, that's who you mean, isn't it? A group of dark wizards attacked a small town this summer. She was one of the Aurors that responded and was murdered on the spot."

"Clarifiers?"

"Harry had said he couldn't be sure, but…"

Xander got quiet, and Lily didn't press, because that was a subject that scared her more than she liked to admit. Instead, she said, "Hey, so, on that note… Do you think you could tutor Maya Creevey? She's going to have a hard time catching up on past assignments while also trying to keep up with her current ones. She could really use the help."

Xander blinked, then he reached into his bag for a book. "Sure."

"Xander, don't be such a selfish prick-," Lily started, and then realizing his words, spun to him, shocked, "Wait - you will?"

He didn't answer her the second time, already lost in his book. His ability to shut her out so quickly annoyed her, but not as much as his profile; truly, no boy had any business with eyelashes that long. For no reason at all, she kicked at his shin, making his leg drop awkwardly.

Xander's head shot up. "What now?"

Heat rose to her cheeks. "You're ignoring me."

To her surprise, that stupid lopsided grin of his appeared, and he reached over to gently flick at her forehead. "Trying."

The meteoric force that shook and shattered her insides shot her three inches above the air, her knee banging painfully against the desk. "I've got to go." She pressed the paper onto his face so she no longer had to see it. "Turn it in for me, yeah?"

Lily was out the door before he could peel it off his face. "Get your bloody shit together, Lily Potter," she told herself, not caring that a pair of first-years were casting bewildered looks at the manic seventh-year speaking to herself. She ran fast down the stairs, at every step chanting, "Not him, not him, not him, not him" so that she was almost able to believe it by the time she reached the ground floor. "Not him."

Obviously not him. She almost laughed at her own absurdity.

It had been the hunger from not having eaten all day, she told herself as she moved into the Entrance Hall, and not butterflies from that blue in his eyes.