Jennie's POV
After class I say goodbye to Jisoo and walk straight to the professor to explain my absences. He congratulates me on my internship and explains that he rearranged the syllabus a little. I keep our conversation going until Lisa exits the room.
I make my way back to my room, where I lay out all my notes and textbooks on my bed. I try to study but feel on edge waiting for Wendy, Lisa, or one of the many other people who are always in and out of my room, to show up. I pack my study materials into my bag and head to my car. I will find a place to study off campus, maybe a coffee shop.
Driving toward town, I spy a small library on the corner of a busy street. Only a few cars are in the lot, so I pull in. I walk all the way to the back of the library and sit next to the window, pulling all of my books and notes out so I can get to work. For the first time, I can study in peace, no distractions. This will be my new sanctuary, the perfect place to study.
"MISS, WE ARE CLOSING in five minutes," an elderly librarian comes over to inform me.
Closing? Looking out the window, I see that it is dark out. I didn't even notice the sun going down. I was so engrossed in my books, hours passed and I didn't even notice. I will definitely have to come here more often.
"Oh, okay, thank you," I reply and pack up my things. Checking my phone, I see a new text from Rosé.
I just wanted to tell you goodnight, I can't wait for Friday.
She really is very nice, so I reply, That is very sweet, thank you. I am looking forward to it too.
Back in the room, Wendy is still gone, so I change into my pajamas and grab Wuthering Heights. I fall asleep quickly, dreaming of Heathcliff and the moors.
WHEN I WAKE UP ON FRIDAY, I have a text message from Jisoo telling me that she won't be on campus at all today because Yeri is arriving earlier than she thought. Skipping Literature crosses my mind momentarily, but I decide against it. I can't let Lisa ruin anything else I like.
I take a little more time to get ready today and braid the front of my hair back before curling it. It's supposed to be warm, so I wear a purple sleeveless fleece jacket and jeans. When I go to the coffeehouse before class, Ten ends up in front of me in line. Before I can walk away unnoticed, he turns around.
"Hey, Jennie," he says.
"Hey, Ten. How are you?" I ask politely. "I'm good, you coming tonight?"
"To the bonfire?"
"No, the party. The bonfire is going to be lame, it always is."
"Oh well, I'm going to the bonfire." I laugh lightly and he chuckles. "Well, if you get bored, you can always stop by," he says and grabs his coffee.
I thank him as he walks away, relieved that Lisa's group seems uninterested in the bonfire, which means I won't have to deal with any of them tonight.
When it's time for Literature, I walk right to my seat without a single glance in Lisa's direction. The discussion continues on Wuthering Heights, but Lisa stays silent. As soon as we are dismissed, I gather my things and practically bolt to the door.
"Jennie!" I hear Lisa call behind me, but I just walk faster. Without Jisoo here I feel more vulnerable. When I reach the sidewalk, I feel a light touch on my arm. I know it's her from the way my skin tingles.
"What!" I shout.
She takes a step back and holds out a notebook. "You dropped this."
Relief and disappointment battle inside me. I wish this ache in my chest would go away. Instead of shrinking, it seems to get larger every moment of every day. I shouldn't have admitted to myself that I love her— if I would have kept ignoring the truth, maybe it would hurt less.
"Oh, thanks," I mumble and grab the notebook from her. Her eyes catch mine and we just stare at one another until after a few seconds I remember that we are standing on a crowded sidewalk and I look around at everyone passing by us. Lisa shakes her hair out and pushes it back before she turns and walks away.
I HEAD TO MY CAR and drive straight to Jisoo's. I wasn't going to go until five; it's only three, but I can't sit alone in my room. I really have gone mental since Lisa came into my life.
When I arrive, Karen answers the door with a huge smile and invites me in.
"It's only me here right now. Yeri and Jisoo are at the store fetching a few things for me," she says as she brings me into the kitchen. "That's okay, sorry for coming so early."
"Oh, don't be sorry. You can help me cook!" She hands me a cutting board and a few onions and potatoes to chop and we talk about the weather and the upcoming winter.
"Jennie, did you still want to help me get the greenhouse going? It's climate controlled, so we don't have to worry about the winter."
"Yes, of course! I would love to."
"Great, maybe tomorrow? Next weekend I will be a little busy," she jokes.
Her wedding. I'd almost forgotten. I try to smile back at her. "Yeah, I'd say so." I wish I could've gotten Lisa to agree to go, but it was impossible then and it's even more impossible now.
Karen puts the chicken in the oven and gathers plates and silverware so we can set the table. "Is Lisa coming to dinner tonight?" she asks as we start laying things out. She's clearly trying to sound nonchalant, but I can see she's a little nervous about the question.
"No, she won't be coming," I tell her and look down.
She stops what she's doing. "Are you guys okay? I don't mean to be nosy."
"That's all right." I might as well tell her. "I don't think we're okay."
"Oh, honey, I'm sorry to hear that. You two really had something, I thought. But I know it's really hard to be with someone who is afraid to show their feelings."
This line of conversation makes me feel a little weird. I can't even talk to my own mother about stuff like this, but something about Karen's openness makes me more able to discuss this sort of thing. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I don't know Lisa as well as I wish I did, but I know she is very closed off emotionally. Marco used to stay awake nights worrying about her. She has always been an unhappy child." Her eyes go glossy. "She wouldn't even tell her mom she loved her."
"What?" I say again.
"She just won't say it. I am not sure why. Marco can't recall a single time when Lisa said she loved either of them. It's truly sad, not only for Marco, but for Lisa as well." She blots her eyes.
For someone who refuses to tell anyone, even her own parents, that she loves them, she sure was quick to use the words against me in a hateful way. "She is . . . She's very difficult to understand," is all I can think to say.
"Yes, yes, she is. But, Jennie, I hope you'll still come around even if you two don't work things out."
"Of course," I tell her.
PERHAPS SENSING MY MOOD, Karen switches to talk of the greenhouse while we wait for the food to finish cooking and then put everything out on the table. Midway through a sentence, Karen stops and puts on a wide smile. I turn to find Jisoo walking into the kitchen followed by a beautiful girl with curly hair. I knew she would be gorgeous, but she is even more so than I could have imagined.
"Hi, you must be Jennie," she says even as Jisoo opens her mouth to introduce us. She immediately comes over and hugs me, and I immediately like her.
"Yeri, I have heard so much about you—it's nice to finally meet you!" I say, and she smiles. Jisoo's eyes follow her as she walks past and hugs Karen, then takes a seat at the counter.
"We passed Marco on our way here. He was getting gas, so he should be here any minute," Jisoo tells her mom.
"Great, Jennie and I have already set the table."
Jisoo goes over to where Yeri sits, puts her arm around her waist, and leads her to the table. I take my seat across from them and glance over at the empty place setting next to me, which Karen had set up for "purposes of symmetry," but it just makes me a little sad. In another life Lisa would be sitting next to me, holding my hand the way Jisoo holding Yeri's, and I could lean into her without fear of being rejected. I'm beginning to wish I had invited Rosé even though it would have been extremely awkward; having dinner with two deeply in-love couples may prove worse.
Marco enters, saving me from my thoughts. He walks over and kisses Karen on her cheek before sitting down.
"Dinner looks great, honey," he says and playfully places a napkin on his lap. "Yeri, you get more beautiful each time I see you." He smiles at her, then turns to me. "And Jennie, congratulations on your internship at Vance. Christian called me and told me. You made a wonderful first impression on him."
"Thank you again for calling him; it's such an amazing opportunity." I smile and the table's silent for a moment while we all try Karen's chicken, which is delicious.
"Sorry I'm late," I hear from behind me and my fork falls out of my hand onto my plate.
"Lisa! I didn't know you were coming!" Karen says nicely, then looks at me. I look away. My pulse is already quickening.
"Yeah, remember we discussed it last week, Jennie?" She smiles her menacing smile and takes the seat next to me.
What is wrong with her? Why can't she just leave me alone? I know it is partly my fault for letting her get to me, but she really enjoys playing cat- and-mouse. Everyone's eyes are on me, so I nod and pick up my fork. Yeri looks confused and Jisoo looks worried.
"You must be Delilah?" Lisa says to her.
"Oh, Yeri, actually," she corrects her sweetly.
"Yeah, Yeri. Same thing," she mutters and I kick her under the table. Jisoo glares at her, but Lisa doesn't seem to notice.
Marco and Karen go into conversation between themselves, as do Yeri and Jisoo. I stay focused on my food and think of an exit strategy.
"So, how's your evening so far?" Lisa asks in a casual tone. She knows that I won't cause a scene, so she is trying to annoy me.
"Fine," I answer quietly.
"You're not going to ask me how mine is?" She smirks. "Nope," I mumble and take another bite.
"Jennie, was that your car outside?" Marco asks and I nod.
"Oh yeah, I finally got my own car!" I say, with a little extra excitement in the hopes that everyone else will join in so I'm not stuck talking to just Lisa.
Lisa raises her eyebrow at me. "When?"
"The other day," I answer. You know, the day that you told me that it's all about the chase?
"Oh. Where did you get it?"
"A used-car lot," I answer and watch Yeri and Karen both try to hide their smiles. Sensing an opportunity to direct the attention off me, I say, "So, Yeri, Jisoo told me you were thinking of going to New York for a ballet school?" She tells us all about her plans to move to New York, and Jisoo looks genuinely happy for her despite the distance that will stay between them.
When she finishes, Jisoo looks at her phone and says, "Well, we should get going soon. That bonfire waits for no man."
"What?" Karen says. "Okay, but at least take some of the dessert with you!"
Jisoo nods and helps her put some into a Tupperware container.
"Are you going to ride with me?" Lisa says. I look around like I'm confused about whom she's addressing.
"I'm talking to you," she states.
"What? No, you're not going," I tell her.
"Yes, I am. And you can't stop me from going, so you might as well ride with me." She smiles and tries to put her hand on my thigh.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I say under my breath. "Can we talk outside?" she asks and looks toward her father.
"No," I say quietly—every time Lisa and I "talk," I end up crying.
But Lisa stands up quickly and grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet. "We'll be outside," she announces, and pulls me through the living room and out the front door.
Once we're outside, I yank my arm away and warn her, "Stop touching me!"
She shrugs. "Sorry, but you weren't going to come with me." "Because I didn't want to."
"I am sorry. For everything, okay?" Her fingers play with her lip ring and I avoid focusing on her mouth. I stare at the way her eyes search my face.
"You're sorry? You're not sorry, Lisa—you just want to mess with me. Just stop. I am exhausted and drained from fighting with you all the time. I can't do it anymore. Isn't there anyone else that you can mess with? Heck, I'll even help you find someone, some poor innocent girl for you to torture as long as it isn't me."
"That's not what I am doing. I know I am back and forth a lot with you, and I don't know why I do it. But if you give me one chance, one more chance, I will stop. I tried to stay away from you but I can't. I need you . . ." She looks down at the deck, rubbing the tips of her boots together.
The audacity of what she's saying helps me keep my tears in check this time; her ego has seen quite enough of them. "Stop! Just stop. Aren't you tired of this? If you needed me you wouldn't treat me the way you do. You told me yourself it was all about the chase, remember? You can't just show up here after everything and act like nothing happened."
"I didn't mean that. You know I didn't."
"So you admit you just said it to hurt me?" I glare at her, trying to keep my guard up.
"Yeah . . ." She looks down.
I'm so confused by her; she says she wants more, then she kisses Nancy, then she tells me she loves me and takes it back, and now she is apologizing again? "Why should I forgive you—you just admitted that you did something solely to hurt me."
"One more chance? Please, Jen. I'll tell you everything," she pleads. I almost believe the pain in her eyes as she looks down at me.
"I can't, I have to go."
"Why can't I come with you?" she asks. "Because . . . because I am meeting Rosé there."
I watch as her expression changes and seems to crumple before me. It takes everything in me not to comfort her. But Lisa did this to herself. Even if she actually does care, it's too late.
"Rosé? So are you guys, what . . . dating now?" Her tone is full of disgust. "No, we haven't even talked about it. We are just . . . I don't know, spending time together, I guess."
"You haven't talked about it? So if she asked you, you would?"
"I don't know . . ." And I honestly don't know. "She is nice and polite and she treats me well." Why am I even explaining myself to this girl?
"Jennie, you don't even know her, you don't know—"
The front door shoots open and an exuberant Jisoo asks, "Ready?" Her eyes dart to Lisa, who for once looks unguarded and even . . . heartbroken.
I force my feet toward my car and follow Jisoo as she pulls out of the driveway. I can't help but look back at Lisa, who is still on the porch, still staring back at me as I drive away.