Three

EPOV

Holy shit.

Holy flying shit on a cracker.

I'm a daddy.

That bitch made me a daddy and gave me zero time to come to terms with it.

I'd returned home to change and head to my brother's birthday. To find police swarming my apartment and my neighbour speaking animatedly.

Mrs Dorris Parker was dramatic but tonight I gave her reason to be.

When the officers told me my son had been abandoned on my doorstep I shook my head in disbelief. I tried to correct them. I Insisted I was the wrong guy.

Then they asked if I knew her.

My face gave me away.

I cycled through 10 different emotions at once. Rage, shock, fear, sadness, loss. I'd missed the birth of my first child - who I didn't even know existed.

I'd missed out on a life changing experience that I didn't even know for sure I was prepared for.

I get the general understanding of babies. I've just never had to take that understanding any deeper. My siblings are childless and my friends are doctors. There's no time for babies in medical school.

The babies I'm surrounded by come to me for medical attention. They're asleep while I examine intricate parts of their brains. Even then I'm rarely called in for paediatric cases.

I'd sat on the couch answering questions. Feeling under investigation myself. Like I could have prevented this. Like as a parent I'd already failed.

He'd been left alone. Without protection, without warmth, without love. Could I offer him those things?

My life is busy. I've spent my life studying and that chapter was almost done. I was a few years away from becoming a specialist.

Could this delay that?

Am I awful for thinking that?

I can't shove him into some foster home. I can't shove the burden onto my parents who were happily enjoying life without youngsters. The three of us had given them a good run for their money.

They'd been the best parents to us. Even though we were put into their lives without plan. They took us onboard and loved us like their own.

Esme and Carlisle adopted me when I was so small. I don't even remember my own parents. They abandoned me. Just like she did to him. It made me angry. That she forcibly put me into a category with her, without my knowledge.

I prided myself when it came to composure. My hands rarely shook and my sweat rarely broke. I was calm.

It took a lot to throw me over the edge… but Tanya threw me off a damn cliff.

In torrential weather.

Into shark infested waters.

With machine guns for teeth.

Sitting in that living room, feeling alone and terrified I'd wanted nothing more than to shut down. To rewrite time and fucking put the condom on. To not trust her when she'd said she was protected. Had she lied or just forgotten to take the pill that day?

Our relationship had never been destined to do anything but fail.

But she was there.

That night I thought I'd finally had a chance with her.

She announced she was going back to him.

So Tanya became convenient.

I'm awful, I know. But I figured I save lives so it balances out that sin.

I know you could say "well Edward… why didn't you just ditch Tanya when that beautiful, funny, creative and kind roommate was single?"

Because she was sad. She was settling in living here. She needed to feel independence for enough time before I dove in head first and admitted to wanting her for so long I'd pictured every second of a future. Down to a tombstone.

Then that word came up. Friend. Right when I was about to strike.

Right when she seemed happier. Like she'd adjusted to living here and she was finally through with him.

She didn't flirt, didn't tease. Didn't seem interested. She dated other men and insisted she was happily independently single.

When I broke it off with Tanya I didn't do it to be with her. I did it because I was tired of pretending to be happy with Tanya when I was wondering what Bella was doing. What made her happy?

Could I make her happy?

Well that's answered now.

Because I come with a psycho ex that I thought I'd solved with blocking her number.

I come with a baby.

I come with levels of fucked up a therapist would froth over.

She wouldn't want damaged goods.

Despite knowing all this, hearing her voice at the front door was magical. Like hope had a little life left in my core.

She'd held me as I cried. She'd felt and voiced the anger I couldn't because of my shock. She'd been there when I couldn't be there for myself. She was the calm I tried to be. My pride.

As I hold my baby for the first time, I look at her, thankful as fuck. That she's here for this and for me. For us now I suppose.

"Watch his head," Bella whispers gently.

I glance down at the baby, readjusting my arms so he's better supported.

"You're doing it," she smiles up at me.

The amount of times she's said 'it's okay' made me okay. If it had been anyone else saying it I'd probably hit them. Sometimes those words seem like insincere bandage, but coming from the right heart they are healing.

I didn't expect her to stick around. I don't expect her to give up her life to help me. A selfish part of me hopes she might. I hate that part.

"Have you thought of a name?" She asks me.

"I have no idea," I look at my son, "he doesn't look like a Greg."

Her laughter is medicine to my hurt soul.

The fact I'm able to make her cackle her signature sound. It's the kind of laugh that makes others laugh. The kind you never want her to stop making… so you do what you can until you're just desperately unfunny.

"He isn't a Greg at all," she shakes her head.

After a moment of shared quiet thought she looks up at me.

"I had one," she says softly, "I doubt I'll have children. But like any girl I had names written on the notes of my phone."

"I couldn't," I shake my head.

"No," she insists, "I.. the name Wilbur. It's always stuck with me."

I love it.

She can tell that I do.

"We might have a winner," she looks down at him, "he definitely could rock Wilbur. What about Wilbur Carlisle?"

She's going to make me bloody cry again. Because it's flawless. The fact she's gifting me this. My child's name.

"Wilbur Carlisle Cullen," I try it.

"Will for short," she grins looking up at me.

"You might have a son one day," I say.

"Well I have backup names," she shrugs, "or we get a Wilbur each."

"I don't know if I can do this," I look at her carefully, "I don't know if I can take your idea."

"Then if I have a son I'll call him Edward," she puts her hand on my arm, beneath my son's body, "then I'm stealing a name back."

"You are certain?" I ask.

"It would be an honour to know I helped name him," she nods, "your little baby Wilbur."

"I'll get the paperwork," Sally smiles at us.

I'd forgotten her presence.

"It's a beautiful name," she nods at us before leaving the room.

"How do I put him down?" I ask Bella.

She giggles and takes my son carefully from me. For a moment she steals the chance to cradle him to her body.

"Hi handsome Wilbur," she smiles down at him, "you're the cutest baby in the whole wide world."

Putting my hands in my pockets I watch her approach the small bassinet, bouncing as she walks.

Does she know she looks like a seasoned pro? She's natural!

"We're going to have so much fun," she says to Wilbur, "we'll make memories, build forts. We'll make your daddy roll his eyes so much he'll need lasik."

I can't help but laugh. It's breathy, and a little less wholehearted than usual. But she has a habit of doing this in my darkest hours.

When she places him down, she looks back to me.

"You are going to be an incredible daddy," she says, "regardless of how scared you feel right now. Know that he will love you senseless."

I nod. Speechless. How can she think so highly of me? I'd made this mistake.

"Come here," she holds her arms out, moving closer toward me.

I welcome her embrace, wrapping my arms around her, feeling the scent of her coconut shampoo overtake my senses.

I'm too tall to bury my face in her shoulder like I'd love to. So I place my cheek on her head and let out a heavy sigh.

"It takes a village. I'll be in your village for as long as you need me," she says.

Bella had taken my credit card and gotten basics.

Nappies, a baby bath, clothes, a car capsule, a sleep bassinet. She'd gotten formula, bottles, pacifiers, blankets.

She'd provided a million more reasons as to why I'm so undeserving of her in my life.

This little American beauty that knocked me off my feet before sucker punching me over and over in the gut with her heart.

"Okay," Bella unlocks our front door.

My son by my side in his carrier.

I'm not a poor man by any means. I live comfortably. I could afford to give him an excellent life. I just wanted to give him more than money. I wanted to be sure how.

My adoptive parents share their wealth with the three of us. I could afford to live alone but I'd jumped at the chance of having Bella around more when we admitted she was apartment hunting.

Since I've been victim to oversized shirts and bras in the dryer that I'd kill to remove from her.

"Here's home little man," she pushes open the door and steps inside ahead of us.

I follow her in, watch as she appears normal. She removes her coat and puts it on her hook. Throwing down her bag, sliding off her converse.

I watch unsure how I should behave. How do I be normal? The simplicity of removing a coat and shoes seems arduous.

Bella glances back at me and stills. As if reading my mind.

"Why don't I take Wilbur? You take your coat off, get settled. I'll show him around" She moves toward me, taking the capsule from my hand.

"I just don't know how to move in the world right now. I'm a father," I look at her.

"You're the same person. Now you just have a little extra love in it. Both to receive and give," she looks down at Wilbur, "he's an angel. We're both going to take amazing care of you."

"I know we are," I sigh.

'I meant he and I will take care of you," she laughs, "now coat off and let's do this!"

Taking my arms out of my sleeves, shrugging off my coat, hanging it on the hook. It all seems normal. But there's a weight behind each moving muscle. Like reality had finally sunk its teeth into me.

"And this is our TV," I hear her voice, "we'll need to figure out what channel the kids' shows are on. Unless you're willing to watch Real Housewives."

I'm unable to help the smile. A sigh that turns to a breathy laugh.

I'd be okay.

Because Bella told me I would be and more than anything in this world I trusted Bella.

I was in love with Bella.

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