Jennie's POV
The emptiness that I feel after dropping Lisa off is strange, and makes me feel a bit pathetic. After the short drive back to my room, it already feels as if I dropped her off hours ago. Wendy isn't in the room when I get there, but I'm glad. I really do need to study and prepare for my first day at Vance tomorrow: I have to decide what to wear, what to bring, what I am going to say.
Taking out my planner, I plan my week by the hour, then move on to my clothes. Day one at Vance will be my new black skirt and a red top and black heels, not too high but higher than I would have considered wearing two months ago. The outfit is very professional but still feminine. I wonder idly if Lisa will like it.
To keep my mind off her, I complete all of my assignments that are due this week and then some. By the time I finish, the sun has disappeared from the sky and I'm starving, but the cafeteria is already closed. Lisa still hasn't texted me, so I assume she isn't plannJennie's POV
Lisa slams her bedroom door as I reach the top of the stairs. I turn the knob, half-expecting it to be locked, but it opens.
"Lisa, are you okay?" I ask, unsure what else to say.
She answers me by grabbing the lamp off the nightstand and slamming it against the wall. The glass base shatters from the impact. I jump back and a small shriek comes out against my will. She paces over to the desk, grabs the small keyboard, and rips it out of the desktop computer, tossing it behind her.
"Lisa, please stop!" I yell.
She doesn't look at me, but knocks the monitor to the ground and starts yelling, "Why? Why, Jennie? It's not like he can't afford to buy a new fucking computer!"
"You're right," I say and step on top of the keyboard, crushing it further. "What? What are you doing?" she asks as I pick it up and drop it back on the ground. I'm not really sure what I am doing but the keyboard's already broken, and this seems like the best idea at the moment.
"I'm helping you," I tell her, and confusion flashes in her angry eyes before humor takes over. I pick up the monitor and throw it against the floor. She walks over with a small smile on her lips as I pick it up again, but her hands stop mine and she takes the monitor out of my hands and sits it on the desk.
"You're not mad at me for yelling at my dad like that?" she asks, and cups my cheeks, her thumbs gently caressing them as her green eyes bore into mine.
"No, you have every right to express yourself. I would never be mad about that." She just had a fight with her dad but she is worried about me being mad at her? "Unless of course you're being mean for no reason, which in this case you weren't."
"Wow . . ." she says.
But the small gap between our lips is too tempting. I lean forward and press mine against her, and she immediately opens her mouth, deepening the kiss. My fingers twist into her hair and she groans as I put more force into it. Her anger rolls off her like a tidal wave. I push her back a little and she turns me around so the bottom of my back hits the desk. Her hands attach to my hips and she lifts me onto the desk. I am her distraction. The thought of me being what Lisa needs makes me feel needed in a way I wasn't aware of. I feel more solid now, more necessary in her life, and my head tilts back as she continues to push her tongue against mine, standing between my legs.
"Closer," she moans into my mouth. Her hands grip the back of my knees and she pulls me to the edge. My hands tug at her jeans and she pulls her mouth away from mine.
"What . . .?" She raises an eyebrow at me. She must think I am insane, coming in here and helping her break things, and now trying to undress her. And maybe I am. I don't care at the moment. All I care about is the way the curve of Lisa's collarbones are shadowed by the moonlight coming through the bay window, the way one of her hands is holding my face like I am fragile, despite her trying to break everything in the room minutes ago.
I answer her wordlessly by wrapping my legs around her and pulling her closer.
"I really thought you were going to storm in here and tell me off." She smiles and presses her forehead against mine.
"You were wrong," I remind her with a smug smile.
"Very. I don't want to go back down there tonight," she says, eyes searching mine.
"That's fine. You don't have to."
She relaxes and moves her head to the crook of my neck. I'm surprised by how easy this is between us. I had expected her to snap at me, maybe even try to make me leave when I came in here, but here she is leaning on me. I can tell she is really trying to navigate this relationship the best she can, despite the fact that she is one giant mood swing.
"I love you," I tell her, and feel her lip ring move against my neck as she smiles.
"I love you," she replies.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, but she shakes her head, still buried in my neck. "Okay, do you want to watch a movie? Something funny, maybe?" I suggest.
After a long pause, she looks back toward the bed. "Did you bring your laptop?" When I nod she continues. "Let's watch The Vow again."
I laugh. "You mean the movie that you supposedly despise?"
"Yes . . . well, despise is a little harsh. I just think it's a sappy, mediocre love story," she corrects.
"Then why do you want to watch it?"
"Because I want to watch you watch it," she answers thoughtfully.
Remembering the way she watched me the entire time we watched it in my room, that night seems so long ago. I had no clue what was coming up between us. I would have never imagined we would come to this.
My smile is all the answer she needs as she grabs my waist and carries me to the bed.
Within minutes, she is snuggled up next to me studying my face as I watch the movie. Halfway through I feel my eyes getting heavy.
"I'm getting sleepy," I say with a yawn. "They both die; you're not missing much."
I nudge her with my elbow. "You have issues."
"And you're adorable when you're sleepy." She closes my laptop and pulls me up to the top of the bed with her.
"And you're uncharacteristically nice when I'm sleepy," I say.
"No, I'm nice because I love you," she whispers and I swoon. "Sleep, beautiful."
She gives me a small peck on my forehead, and I am too tired to try for more.
THE NEXT MORNING, the light is bright, too bright. When I roll over to bury my head in Lisa's shoulder, she sighs in her sleep and pulls me closer. When I wake up again, she is awake and staring at the ceiling. Her eyes are hooded and her expression unreadable.
"You okay?" I ask, nuzzling farther into her.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she answers, but I can tell she is lying. "Lisa, if there is something wrong . . ." I begin.
"There isn't, I'm fine." I decide to let it go. We have gotten along all weekend; it's a record for us. I don't want to ruin it. I lift my head up and place a single kiss on her jaw and her arms wrap tighter around me.
"I have a few things to do today, so whenever you're ready, can you drop me off at my house?" she asks. My stomach drops, hearing the distance in her voice.
"Sure," I mumble and move out of her embrace. She tries to grab my wrist but I move too quickly. Grabbing my bag, I head to the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. We have been in our own little bubble all weekend, and I fear that without the protection of these walls, she won't be the same.
I'm relieved when I don't run into Jisoo or Yeri in the hallway, and even more relieved that Lisa is fully dressed when I return. I want to get this over with. She has cleaned the glass off the floor and the keyboard is in the trash can, the lamp and monitor neatly piled nearby.
Downstairs, I say goodbye to Marco and Karen, though Lisa walks outside without saying a word to either of them. I assure them that Lisa will still be at the wedding, despite the drama last night. I tell them about the computer and lamp, but they don't seem to pay it much mind.
"Are you mad or something?" Lisa asks after ten minutes of silence. "No." It's not that I'm mad, I am just . . . nervous, I suppose. I can feel the shift between us and I wasn't expecting anything to change from how we were all weekend.
"It seems like it." "Well, I'm not."
"You need to tell me if you are."
"You're just being distant and now you're having me drop you off at your house, and I thought everything was fine between us," I say.
"You're upset because I have things to do today?" When she says it like that, I realize how ridiculous and obsessive I sound. Is that why I am upset? Because she isn't hanging out with me today?
"Maybe." I laugh at my stupidity. "I just don't want you to be distant from me."
"I'm not . . . not on purpose, at least. I am sorry if I made you feel that way." She reaches over and puts her hand on my thigh. "Nothing is going to change, Jennie."
Her words calm me, but there is still a sliver of uncertainty behind my smile.
"Do you want to come with me?" she finally asks. "No, I'm okay. I have some studying to do anyway."
"Okay. Jen, you have to remember this is new to me. I'm not used to having to consider other people when I make plans."
"I know."
"I can come to your room when I'm finished, or we can go to dinner or something."
I put my hand on her cheek, then run it through her messy hair. "It's fine, really, Lisa. Just let me know when you're finished and we can decide then."
When we pull up to her house, she leans over and gives me a swift kiss before climbing out of the car.
"I'll text you," she says, and bounds up the steps to that damned house.
ing on coming over tonight. Grabbing my purse, I head out to find something to eat. I remember seeing a Chinese restaurant near the little library, but by the time I find the place it's closed. I look up the closest restaurant to me and find a place called the Ice House. When I drive there, the Ice House is small and looks like it's made out of aluminum, but I'm hungry and the idea of finding another place to eat makes my stomach rumble even more. Going inside, I realize it's more of a bar that serves food, and that it's actually quite packed, although to my surprise I manage to find a small table in the back to sit at.
I ignore the glances of the people inside, who must be wondering why I'm here alone, but I always eat alone. I am not one of those people who need someone to go with them everywhere. I go shopping alone, eat out alone, and I have even been to the movies alone a few times when Noah wasn't able to come. I never really have minded being alone . . . until now, if I'm honest with myself. I miss Hardin more than I should, and it troubles me that he hasn't even bothered to text me.
I order, and while I'm waiting on my food, the waitress brings me over a pink drink with a yellow umbrella sticking out of the top.
"Oh, I didn't order this," I tell her but she sits it down in front of me anyway.
"She did." She smiles and tilts her head toward the bar area. I immediately hope that it's Lisa somehow and crane my neck to look. But it's not. Rosé gives me a small wave and a dazzling smile from across the room. Jackson walks up and takes the empty bar stool next to her and shoots me a smile as well.
"Oh. Thanks," I tell her. It seems that every place around this campus allows underage drinking, or maybe these guys only go to the places that do. She assures me that my food will be ready any minute and wanders off. A few moments later, Rosé and Jackson come over, pull the chairs out from my table, and take a seat. I hope Rosé isn't angry with me for what happened on Friday.
"You're the last person that I expected to see in here, especially on a Sunday," Jackson says.
"Yeah, it was an accident. I was going for Chinese but it was closed," I tell them.
"Have you seen Lisa?" Rosé asks with a smile before looking at Jakcson, who shares a mysterious look with her before turning back to me.
"No, not for a while. You?" I ask them. My nerves are clear in my voice. "No, not for a few hours but sje should be here soon," Jackson answers. "Here?" I squeak. My food arrives, but I'm no longer hungry. What if Nancy is with her? I won't be able to take it, not after the weekend we just had together.
"Yeah, we come here a lot. I can call her and see when she'll be here?" Rosé suggests but I shake my head.
"No, it's fine. I'm going to go, actually." I look around for my waitress to ask for my check.
"You didn't like the drink?" Rosé asks.
"No, well, I didn't try it. Thanks for getting it for me, but I should go."
"Are you guys fighting again?" she asks.
Jackson begins to say something but Rosé shoots her a glare from across the table. What is going on? She takes a sip of her beer and looks at Jackson again.
"She said what?" I ask.
"Nothing, she just said you guys were on better terms now." Rosé answers for him. The small bar feels even smaller now, and I am desperate to leave.
"Oh, there they are!" Jackson says.
My eyes dart to the door to see Lisa, Ten, Bambam, Wendy, and Nancy—I knew it. I know they are friends, and I don't want to come off as controlling or crazy, but I can't stand Lisa being around that girl.
When Lisa's eyes meet mine she looks surprised and almost afraid. Not this again. The waitress walks by while they make their way to our table.
"Could I just get my food to go, and get the check, please?" I ask her. She looks surprised, and then looks around at everybody who just showed up and nods, then goes back to the kitchen.
"Why are you going?" Wendy asks. The five of them sit at the table next to us. I refuse to allow myself to look over at Lisa. I hate the way she is so different around her friends—why can't she just be the same Lisa that I had all weekend?
"I . . . well, I have to study," I lie.
She smiles hopefully. "You should stay—you study too much!"
Any hope that Lisa would scoop me into her arms and tell me she has missed me is gone. The waitress shows up with my food, and I hand her a twenty, then stand up to leave.
"Well, you guys have a good night," I tell them. I look at Lisa and then back at the floor.
"Wait," Lisa says. I turn around and look at her. Please don't let her make a rude remark or kiss Nancy again.
"Aren't you going to give me a good-night kiss?" She smiles.
I look around at her friends and they all look a little surprised but mostly confused. "W-what?" I stammer. I straighten my shoulders and look at her again.
"You're not going to kiss me before you go?" She stands up and walks toward me. I wanted this, but now I am uncomfortable with everyone's eyes on us.
"Um . . ." I don't know what to say.
"Why would she?" Nancy laughs. God, I can't stand her. "They are like together, obviously," Wendy tells her. "What?" Nancy says.
"Keep your mouth shut, Nancy", Rosé says and I want to thank her, but there is something behind her voice that makes me wonder about her choice of words. This is beyond uncomfortable.
"Bye, guys," I say again and walk toward the door.
Lisa follows me and grabs my wrist to stop me. "Why are you leaving? And why are you even in this place to begin with?"
"Well, I was hungry and came here to eat. And now I'm leaving because you were ignoring me and I—"
"I wasn't ignoring you, I just didn't know what to say or do. I wasn't expecting to see you here. It caught me off guard," she explains.
"Yeah, I am sure it did. You haven't texted me all day and now you're here with Nancy?" My voice comes out much whinier than I wanted.
"And Ten, Bambam, and Wendy. Not just Nancy," she points out.
"I know . . . but you guys have a history and that bothers me." I surely broke the record for the quickest jealous fit.
"It's just that, babe: history. It wasn't like this . . . not like us," she says. I sigh. "I know, I just can't help it."
"I know. How do you think I felt when I walked in there and saw you sitting with Rosé?"
"That's not the same thing. You and Nancy have slept together." Just saying it stings.
"Jen . . ."
"I know, it's crazy, but I can't help it." I look away.
"It's not crazy. I understand. I just don't know what to do about it. Nancy is in our group and she probably always will be."
I don't know what I expected her to say but the equivalent of "too bad" isn't what I wanted to hear. "Okay." I should be happy that she basically told everyone we are dating now, but the whole thing felt so off.
"I'm going to go," I tell her. "Then I'm coming with you."
"You sure you want to leave your friends?" I snap.
She rolls her eyes and follows me to my car. I try to hide my smile as we get in the car. At least I know she would rather be with me than Nancy.
"So how long were you there before I arrived?" Lisa asks as I pull out of the parking lot.
"About twenty minutes."
"Oh. You didn't meet Rosé there, did you?"
"No. It was the last place open to eat I could find. I had no idea she was there—or that you would show up. You know, because you never texted me."
"Oh," she says and pauses for a beat. But then she looks over at me again. "So what did you guys talk about?"
"Nothing; she was only at the table for a few minutes before you got there. Why?"
"I'm just wondering." Her fingers drum on her knee. "I missed you today."
"I missed you, too," I say as we pull onto campus. "I got a lot of homework done and I prepared everything for my first day at Vance."
"Do you want me to drive you tomorrow?"
"No, that's why I got my own car, remember?" I laugh.
"Still, I could drive you," she offers as we get to my dorm and head inside.
"No, it's fine. I will drive myself. Thank you, though."
Just as I am about to ask her what she did all day—why she hadn't texted me if she missed me so much—my breath gets locked in my throat and panic takes over.
My mother is standing in front of my door with her arms crossed and a deep scowl on her face.