Summary: Olivia has a lengthy session with Dr. Lindstrom about her and Elliot, then it's Christmas morning with Team Benson.

AN: I want to apologize ahead of time if the conversation between Olivia and Dr. Lindstrom doesn't feel authentic. I'm not a therapist, psychologist, etc so I have no idea if what he says is right or appropriate.

Next Chapter is Christmas at the Stablers. I tried to fit it all in one chapter, but it was just too long. These chapters are getting longer and longer as the story continues.

And just checking, none of you will mind if the rating for this story increases, right?

No Beta. And please comment, favorite, and follow if you like the story.

—

"Have you given any more thought to you and Elliot Stabler?" Dr. Lindstrom asks Olivia as she steps into his office.

She has a lot of thoughts about Elliot Stabler, and not that she will tell Dr. Lindstrom, but only most of them are pure. Ever since their conversation last week about Lewis, Olivia's let herself think of the possibility of a more physical relationship with Elliot. It was his fault really, telling her that he wanted to kiss her…kiss all of her. How was a woman supposed to have innocent dreams about the man after he says something like that?

"Starting off hot there doc," Olivia jokes as she sits in the corner of his leather couch, tucking her feet under her legs. She kicked off her shoes, realizing that they were going to broach the big subjects today, then she was going to make herself comfortable. Not all of her thoughts have been of the sexy variety. There were still a few more things that they needed to discuss before she was ready to date, and she figures that there is no time like the present to talk them through with her therapist; especially if he's asking for it.

He just gives her a soft grin as he takes a sip of his tea, still steaming, setting the mug down next to his notes. "We only have an hour and I suspect that we have a lot to discuss."

Their sessions over the last two months Olivia had been almost uncharacteristically open about her relationship with Elliot and he was determined to keep it that way. It had taken her nearly three years into their relationship for her to mention Elliot's name and admit that she and him were partners and friends. It was a couple more years before she had admitted that their friendship was more, at least to her. She was so guarded about her time with Elliot, Dr. Lindstrom had developed many theories, including a yearslong affair, but it turned out that unrequited love and feelings of abandonment created nearly as much guilt and torment in Olivia as a physical affair would have.

Elliot's return, however, was a turning point. He'd shown up without any warning, suffering so acutely with the loss of his wife, and Olivia fell back into her role as a supportive friend. Her pain was shunted aside so she could hold his hands and the hands of his family, supporting them in their time of need. And by the time she was able to finally breath and begin to process the fact that Elliot had returned for her, for one night, and then had lost his wife, and was staying in New York permanently, it was too overwhelming for her to handle. So many emotions were rising to the surface and as much as she wanted to ignore them, she eventually allowed herself to feel them and talk about them in her sessions.

Dr. Lindstrom knew that Olivia was shocked and frustrated by his urging last May, but he also knew she was thinking about it—seeking what she deserved and getting answers (as well as potentially a relationship) with Elliot. He wished, however, that she was upfront with her intentions, admitting that she was opening the door to her life, to her, when she texted Elliot a few months ago. She had said that she texted him and invited him to lunch so Noah could get to know him. For Noah to have another trusted adult male in his life, something she felt he was lacking and that she couldn't provide as a single mother. But as Dr. Lindstrom reminded her in her next session, single parents raise well-adjusted children all the time and for Noah to trust Elliot and develop a relationship with him, she had to set an example. Olivia had to trust Elliot and develop a relationship with him as well.

Surprisingly, he was able to get her to admit (only three sessions later) that asking him into Noah's life was a very convenient excuse to bring Elliot to her so she could evaluate how they could possibly progress. She told him that Elliot being back and being single opened a world of possibilities, but she felt paralyzed. She had no idea how to approach him, open back up to him, to trust him, and be around him. He made her feel so off center whenever he was around. But I'd there was one thing she knew about Elliot; it was that he loved children and would be an amazing figure in Noah's life. So, she figured it would be best to start there.

"Well, you are right there," Olivia says, confirming the doctor's suspicions.

"Care to expand?"

"He's made it clear that he's ready to date…me," she added the last word as if the clarification was necessary, but it wasn't. Not to Dr. Lindstrom. From everything he heard, Elliot wanted Olivia—had always wanted Olivia. She wasn't an option, but the only option. If she didn't recognize that, then maybe there was more work to do on her feelings of self-worth.

"How so?"

This was their normal pattern. He'd ask a question and she'd give him a short answer, usually a single sentence. Sometimes it was just a few words. This would happen over and over until she finally felt ready to explain on her own, offer her feelings and thoughts without his prodding. He had to be more involved and apply more pressure at the beginning of their sessions. But in the last few years, she'd drop her defenses and talk openly within ten to fifteen minutes.

"He asked me out on a date." A proud but shy and embarrassed look crossed Olivia's face, as if she was a teenager telling a parent about a crush, not two adults openly discussing her potential relationship.

Dr. Lindstrom smiles. "What did you say?"

"Not yet," she answers, looking at her hands as if she expects him to tell her she was wrong. He's never done that tough. Dr. Lindstrom might challenge her thought process or offer her counter reasoning, but he's always given her space to share her choices in a judgment free space.

Dr. Lindstrom just furrows his brows, inviting her to expand. He'd ask her "Why did you tell him not yet?" if she didn't take the non-verbal cue.

She inhales, fighting her initial gut reaction to fight it a bit. It's her normal approach when discussing Elliot for the last twenty plus years—deny, deny, deny. But this is why she still comes back to Dr. Lindstrom, not just her trauma, but to get her life together, to seek her happiness. And she's so ready to have her turn at happiness. "There are too many things still outstanding. I just feel like we need to work through it all before we go there," she offers, her eyes pleading for understanding and approval.

"What things do you need to work though?" The doctor has an idea of the topics rolling through his patient's mind. They'd talked through most of them in this office on and off through the years once Olivia finally dared mention Elliot's name.

"Noah, for one."

"What about Noah," he prods gently, taking another, longer sip of his tea, the mug no longer steaming.

"Well, he has to be on board."

"Do you think he isn't? Last we talked, it sounded as if Noah really liked Elliot and his family after spending Thanksgiving with them. Has that changed?"

"No, it's not changed. He's getting more and more attached."

"And that scares you?"

With a small nod and guilty smile, Olivia agrees. "Yea, it terrifies me. I can't have that boy suffering anymore."

"Olivia," Dr. Lindstrom says, almost exhaustedly. "We've talked about this. You cannot protect Noah from everything. Life is hard and, as much as we hate it and wish we could stop it, he will have times of sadness and pain."

"Yea, I know," she admits defeatedly. They had discussed this. But it didn't stop Olivia from wanting to prevent her son, her sweet boy who had more difficulties in his life before he could crawl than others would ever know, from suffering again.

"Do you think Elliot would hurt Noah?"

"Not on purpose. Elliot has the biggest heart when it comes to children, and the best intentions, but…"

"But he's human?"

Olivia's eyes narrow at that. Dr. Lindstrom takes this as a sign he might be onto something that they need to discuss today and continues, "He's made mistakes? He's hurt you?"

"He has hurt me," says plainly, knowing that they've talked about and analyzed much of the pain that she's suffered because of her love for Elliot.

"Did he mean to?"

"I'm not sure," she answers first before amending, "No, I don't think he ever really did."

"Is this something on your list to discuss with Elliot before you two can progress to the next level?"

"Yes. I mean, you know…he left me. He was gone for ten years without a word. That…hurt."

Dr. Lindstrom nods in response, letting her think about whether she was going to share what else was so clearly on the top of her tongue.

"And the worst part about it…"

Dr. Lindstrom nods again, silently asking her to go on.

"I think I know exactly why he did it and I understand," Olivia says with a sigh. She's thought about Elliot's departure countless times over the last decade, ruminating on every possible reason. Her make believe reasons range from him deciding his killing of Jenna was her fault and that he resented her, all the way to (in the most desperately hopeful times of her life) that he left because he loved her. Those feelings of hope and love never stuck around for long because who leaves the one they love? And that reality crashing around her, the thought that Elliot didn't love her, and left because he didn't care about her, was too much to bear. It was a difficult cycle to think through, made more difficult by the fact that she never thought she'd see or hear from him again and she'd never get the closure she so desired.

"Why do you think he left?"

"To save his marriage; to keep his family together," she tells him, as if such good and honest reasons excused the harm he caused in her life.

But Dr. Lindstrom counters her thoughts, "Good reasons and even good actions don't make the consequences any less painful. You can still acknowledge he may have been doing the right thing for his family and know that your feelings about it are valid. How did you feel when he left?" He's asked this question many times. And she's answered him before. But for some reason, they need to go over these events and emotions again today.

"I felt abandoned again. And it being by him, by Elliot…my partner, my best friend, my…my home, it was the most painful thing I had ever encountered thus far. It made me second guess everything that we had in our 12 years together. He made me feel so worthless and unloved, that I could just be tossed aside without even a glance back to make sure I landed on my feet. But even then, his loyalty and commitment to his faith are some of the things I love most about him. I can't blame him for being a dad and trying to save his marriage, even though it was so painful. I feel guilty even thinking about it…about wishing he would have stayed for me."

Dr. Lindstrom is so proud of Olivia at this moment. For years it would take poking and prodding and more poking and prodding until she would open up about how events made her feel. It could take two to three sessions for her to label a feeling. Putting words to her emotions and sharing them, being vulnerable, was beyond difficult for her. She had built up such a strong exterior to protect herself, it took years to break through enough, to develop enough trust, for her to talk openly to him. He knew that at least part of it was Elliot, the man she'd trusted more than anyone else, had destroyed that trust by leaving her.

But now, she was so clearly talking to him about how Elliot—her most prized and guarded possession—made her feel in the past and the present. This may not have been the first time they've discussed Elliot's departure, but she had never been this open and forthcoming.

"And now?"

"Well first he gave me that goddamn letter," she says with gritted teeth, "and it just re-enforced all of those negative feelings and thoughts—that I was feeling things that were never there. I rushed to him immediately to get answers, but he was so wrapped up in his PTSD and catching Wheatly that it was a lost cause. I had to sit with those words for weeks and weeks until we had a chance to talk about it. And even then, he was drugged—not by choice."

Dr. Lindstrom isn't sure if she means the drugs weren't his choice or if talking about the letter wasn't his choice because he was drugged.

"And then you learned it was actually written by his deceased wife."

"Yea," she scoffs.

"Did that change anything?"

"It changed everything…though it became even more confusing. They weren't his words, but hers. And then he added that last line about parallel universes. I was so confused. On one hand he's telling me that what we had wasn't real and he wanted me to find love elsewhere, and then he ends it practically telling me that in any other universe, we'd be together." She takes a breath, trying to calm down. The anger and frustration she feels about the letter rising to the surface.

"What the hell was that? Why would he have given the letter to me if he didn't believe what it said? His wife was gone. He didn't have to share it. He could have burned it. And then a few weeks ago Elliot and I talked, not directly about the letter, but about us back then…" She trails off recalling that conversation in Elliot's kitchen while her son and his grandsons watched television. It was the first time that they had voiced to each other what she'd felt in her heart—what she so desperately wanted, needed to be true—but had never been brave enough to believe it. He'd wanted to be with her and was held back by his marriage, yet he chose her over and over again in all the ways he could.

Until he couldn't.

Until she knew that he had to actually choose, and he chose his wife and kids. Deep down, beneath the hurt, she knows that it was the right decision. But his decision to do it without talking to her about it, without a visit, a call, a text, or even a handwritten note left with Cragen, that made the hurt infinitely more painful.

"What did you discuss?" Again, Dr. Lindstrom already knew what they discussed, but wants her to say it again to keep that discussion in the forefront of her mind as they push through these next few moments. She needs to put all these pieces together so she can move forward.

"We just admitted that we were too close, that we repeatedly chose each other over everything else, that we wanted so much more from each other and couldn't have it. But…"

But then one thing sticks out to her even more. There was a large span of time that he wouldn't have had to choose. When he wasn't married.

"But what?" Dr. Lindstrom asks, seeing that Olivia is in her mind and noticing that her facial expression had changed. It's not happy and hopeful but frustrated and almost sad. Defeated even if she didn't look like she was working up to something.

"He was separated!" she nearly shouts and stands from the couch, as if the exact thought had been waiting to explode from her for years. "He and Kathy were separated for nearly three years…three! And at no point during that time did he ever try, try to make us more. I could feel it, our connection growing…but then nothing."

"Maybe he couldn't date anyone," Dr. Lindstrom offers helpfully.

"No," she shakes her head and paces in front of the couch, recalling each of the women indirectly related to the 1-6 that he was clearly dating…possibly fucking. "He dated. He dated half the damn city in those three years."

Dr. Lindstrom lifts an eyebrow at that.

She deflates, knowing that he's calling her out for her exaggeration. "Fine, maybe not half the city. But it felt like it."

Dr. Lindstrom prods again. "And you were upset because he didn't ask you out?"

"Yes! I was right there. He saw me almost every day for hours each day. And he didn't, he never asked me out. He says he wanted me back then, that he felt so much and wanted to be with me in any way he could. But he did nothing when he had the chance!"

"You couldn't ask him out?"

"No!" Olivia answers quickly.

"Why not?"

"He was married!" she exclaims as if the word contains the entire explanation.

"I thought he was separated at this point?" Dr. Lindstrom tries to clarify, struggling to follow her reasoning.

She starts pacing again. "He was the one coming out of a life-long relationship. He was the one with the family to protect. He was the one who had to make the move."

"Okay," Dr. Lindstrom nods, understanding why, at least partially, Olivia didn't feel like she could ask Elliot out. Why she couldn't be the aggressor in those years.

"And if he really loved me, why did he go back to her?" Olivia asks as she sits down on the edge of the couch, leaning forward on her knees. "Why couldn't he come to me? Why didn't he want me bad enough to be with me? Why couldn't he trust me?"

Ah, there it is. Those are the answers she needs to feel comfortable and safe with Elliot. She needs to know why, when he had the option to choose her, he didn't. Why he didn't trust her to support him in his time of need.

"Have you asked him?"

She hangs her head, shaking it slightly.

"What do you think his reasons were?"

"I don't know," she answers honestly. This question had plagued her for over a decade, nearly two.

"Do you mind if I make a few guesses?" Dr. Lindstrom asks gently, not sure if Olivia will let him offer his insight right now.

Olivia just shrugs and collapses against the back of the couch.

"First of all, Olivia, I don't know Elliot, but you are worthy of love. And from everything you've shared with me, I do think he's honest when he's telling you that he loved you then and I think he's being honest about his feelings now. But in my view, you and Elliot are victims of a bad Shakespearean tragedy."

Her eyes look up at this.

"From what I recall, Elliot got married at seventeen because he impregnated his then teenage girlfriend." Olivia nods, confirming Dr. Lindstrom's statement. "That's traumatic in and of itself. And the solution, or their parents' and church's solution, was to force them into marriage. As a result, he grew up and spent his entire life dedicated to making his marriage work, to repent for his sins and for forcing this life on Kathy due their teenage transgressions against God. I would bet that he felt responsible for disrupting her future as well as his own. He spent his life dedicated to supporting her and then trying to give her a happy life, a home and family, and to making God happy. And then, after years and years of successfully doing what he was supposed to be doing, it all came crashing down. He'd lost his wife, his home, and his family. He probably felt like a failure and extremely guilty."

Olivia nodded again, recalling how Elliot carried himself during those first few months of his separation. She could tell how much pain he was in; how much shame he felt; and how much he was dying to get his life back. All despite his feelings for her.

Dr. Lindstrom continues.

"Now, this is just me guessing. Albeit it's a well-educated guess," Dr. Lindstrom adds with a small smile, reminding Olivia that this was his profession and that he'd seen this before, at least bits and pieces of her and Elliot's life stories have popped up in other people's lives. "Elliot may have been afraid of losing you and of losing his family. If he stood still, he stopped that risk. Every movement, every step forward came with a whole new set of risks. If he tried to be with you, it would make his relationship with his ex-wife and mother of his children more difficult. Especially as we know that she thought you two were having an affair or she was at least cognizant of your emotional connection and upset by it. It would also feed the guilt and shame he had for loving you while he was married. And if the relationship between the two of you failed, he could lose you too. He might have even lost his job. He may not have been able to bear that risk when he'd just lost everything else important to him. He may have decided that he could cope with having you as a friend, live with his unrequited love, rather than ever risk losing you completely."

"You make it sound so reasonable," she huffs, wiping tears from her eyes, feeling in her heart the pain and fears that Elliot must have felt at that time.

"That doesn't mean it didn't hurt. I imagine it hurt you very much for you to be waiting on him to make a move, validate your feelings, for years at a time. And then for it not to happen."

"Why did he go back to her?" Olivia's voice is small and distressed as she asks.

"I'm not sure," he answers honestly. Dr. Lindstrom has seen this so many times in his practice, separated couples returning to each other. There was a list of reasons: love, convenience, money, fear, comfort, etc. It all depends on the person and their circumstances. He'd loved to get Elliot Stabler on his couch and pick his brain. "Can you remember what happened around that time?"

Olivia inhales and digs in the deep recess of her mind for the cases that they had in the weeks before his big announcement in the courthouse. She'd blocked out those times the best she could given the pain they caused her. "We had a few bad cases. One really bad one, a man killed his wife and kids…murdered them in their beds while they slept."

"That is horrific." Dr. Lindstrom wonders briefly, for the hundredth time, how Olivia is still standing, how she is still doing this job. Years and years of seeing crime and pain and violence and horror like this is more than difficult to endure.

"He went to see his kids. And that's when he and Kathy…" She can't say the words.

"Do you know if he went there with the intention of getting back together with his wife? Or to seek her company?"

"He didn't," she shakes her head. "Or at least he said that he hadn't moved back home. He signed the divorce papers."

"So, after witnessing a traumatic event and feeling extreme fear for his children, he went home to see his children and fell into bed with his ex-wife."

Olivia nods, agreeing with his description of the events.

"Can you imagine why he might have gone back to her at that moment?"

Olivia shrugs. She knows that Elliot and Kathy had sex that night, but the thought drives a stake in her heart. She refuses to think about why Elliot would be with Kathy then, to rationalize it in the slightest.

"Maybe comfort, safety, familiarity?" Dr. Lindstrom offers. "Haven't you gone back to a lover when you needed that sense of security and to feel loved or wanted?"

Olivia thinks of her two years with Brian Cassidy, knowing exactly what the doctor is getting at with his question. But she quickly brushes that aside to ask her next question, hitting the root of her fears and insecurities when it comes to Elliot. "But why didn't he come to me? I could have comforted him. I could have made him feel safe. We were together for everything else. He was my safety, my sense of home. I could have been that for him, too. I was right there, waiting for him."

"I don't know Olivia. You'll have to ask him."

She nods, knowing that he's right. No amount of guessing will be as satisfying as just hearing the truth from Elliot.

"But at this moment, fifteen years later, will there be a good answer to your question?" Dr. Lindstrom asks.

She's confused by his question. "What do you mean?"

"I think that answers, closure, and honest communication are important—the touchstone of a solid and successful relationship. And you should ask him if you want to know the truth from him. But right now, at this moment, you believe several things to be true—Elliot loved you then, he's told you that several times now; you shared his feelings; and you both want to move forward with a relationship now, correct?"

"Yes," she agrees.

"Is there any answer to that question—Why didn't he come to you that night?—that would keep you from wanting to move forward?"

Olivia thinks for a minute, then nods.

"What is it?"

"If he told me that he didn't love me enough back then or that I couldn't have provided him the comfort and security that he needed. If he didn't actually want to be with me—if it was all in my head." The things that she had believed before when he didn't choose her, then when he left, and then again recently with the letter. Those fears that lived under the surface for so long, making her feel unwanted and confused.

"And now, knowing everything you know and all the conversations you've had with Elliot recently, what is the risk of those fears being the truth? Of Elliot telling you those things?"

She smiles, "Pretty small."

Olivia hates this part of therapy, when Dr. Lindstrom makes all her large and overwhelming fears seem almost irrational in nature. When he can make her realize that her biggest fears are often the least likely to occur and the world exists, for the most part, in the middle of the extremes. She knows that everyone has irrational thoughts and fears but knowing that doesn't make her feel better when it's pointed out to her.

"Do you trust Elliot to be in your life and be in your son's life?"

"Yes, I do." Even with everything between them, there is no person in the world that she trusts more than Elliot. She trusts him with her life, her son's life, and she really, really wants to trust him with their hearts.

"Do you know what you want from him and from your future together?"

"I think so."

Dr. Lindstrom smiles at her admissions. "Olivia, I'm not telling you to do anything before you are ready. But I think that twenty some years is a long time to wait for what you want, for the love you deserve. And if you hold out until you have every answer you want, until you work through your entire list of questions, or until everything is perfect, you could be waiting another twenty years."

Olivia sits quietly for a moment, thinking about what Dr. Lindstrom said. She knows that he's right. That there will never be a perfect time. And if there was, they were pretty close to it. Elliot seemed to be recovering well from his grief and PTSD, his family was on board with their relationship, it appeared that Noah was also on board (she makes a mental note to talk to him about Elliot), and they both want it.

But she was still frozen, paralyzed with fear. And she was ready to admit it.

"I'm scared."

"And that's okay. It's okay to be afraid. But are you going to let that fear control you?"

It's 5:45 a.m. when Elliot texts her.

Olivia groans when she rolls over to read his text—I'm here. Footie pajamas and all. She smiles, wiping the sleep from her eyes, and half-hoping that he's actually in stupid pajamas.

Christmas morning came so fast that Olivia forgot to buy candy for Noah's stocking. She was so stressed about work on top of making this Christmas a good one that buying candy slipped between the cracks. But after a quick call to Elliot at 11:30 p.m. last night and his promise to come by early enough with plenty of candy, Olivia was able to actually fall asleep.

Work had been rough in the last couple of weeks, which wasn't uncommon during the holidays. But it was extra frustrating this year because it kept her and Elliot apart. They'd managed to text and have a few short calls, but no more big revelations and they hadn't seen each other since the day Noah went gift shopping with Kathleen.

The distance was stressful for both of them. Olivia found herself craving Elliot's presence, his calm assurances that she could do this, and one of his hugs. They seemed to be comfortable sharing those now. With each passing day she wanted it to be Christmas morning. She was half-tempted to make a paper-ring chain to count down the days alongside Noah.

Elliot, on the other hand, had to find ways to prevent himself from visiting her. He didn't want to come off as needy, but each night he'd thought of driving to her apartment or to the 1-6 just to hug her. Ever since she told him about Lewis, he had this need to be near her, feel her in his arms, check her pulse, and count her heartbeats. His hands literally itched to touch her. He had thoughts of checking every inch of her to make sure that all her wounds were healed, irrationally terrified that he'd find one fresh and new. But he knew, however, that if he just showed up, he could drive her away.

After reading his message she puts on her robe and sneaks to the door with a yawn, hopeful that she can fill up Noah's stocking with the candy that Elliot promised to bring and hang it before he gets up. Noah's old enough that he doesn't believe in Santa, but you can't put an age limit on the joy that comes with waking up on Christmas morning to presents under a tree and a stocking full of trinkets and candy.

"Morning!" Elliot greets her cheerily when she opens the door, his grin covers his entire face, and his shoulders relax at finally seeing her after so many long days of missing her. His eyes scan her face, much like they did during their FaceTime, but only shock and happiness, mixed with a little sleepiness, can be found.

"My god," Olivia covers her mouth to contain her laughter. He couldn't find footie pajamas in his size at the last minute, but he did have on Christmas themed thermals under his coat. They were navy blue with white reindeers and snowflakes on them. He'd found a matching set for the three of them to wear. He hopes that she'll see it as part of the joke and not as an odd and too soon infringement on her one-on-one Christmas with her son. That she was okay with him crashing their Team Benson holiday with something a family would do.

"Don't laugh too hard, I have a set for each of you," he grins and wraps her up tightly in his arms, the bags in his hands rustling as they bump together behind her back.

She lets him hug her for a moment knowing that they both needed this, the physical reminder that they are both here and okay. She tucks her nose into his soft, fuzzy collar and breathes him in, he's so warm and still smells of sleep even though she knows that he's probably been awake for over an hour now. He presses a gentle kiss to her crown, grinning at the way her sleep mussed hair tickles his nose and sends up a silent prayer that he will get to do this again soon.

"Oh no," she starts to argue as she pulls away and he walks deeper into her apartment and sets his bags down on her coffee table.

"Oh yes. Now where is his stocking?" Elliot asks, pulling out the assortment of candy he bought, setting it out and opening the packages. "I cleared out the drugstore by my place and then stopped at one more to make sure he got what he liked."

"Thank you, El. I owe you one."

He wiggles his eyebrows, "Yes you do. Put those on," he hands her the second set of adult-sized pajamas.

She looks at the clothes in his hand, thinking that they could be way worse before she grabs them. "Fine," she grumbles before pointing at the breakfast bar. "His stocking is over there, and I usually hang it on a hook by the tree."

Elliot smiles and watches her walk to her bedroom. While she changes, he fills Noah's stocking, mixing in the small trinkets and gifts that were sitting next to the stocking, and then hangs it by the tree. Looking around he can't find Olivia's stocking.

"I can't believe you bought these," Olivia says when she rejoins Elliot in the living room dressed in the soft, navy-blue pajamas.

He grins at her, his heart fluttering a bit when he sees her. He's tempted to kiss her. But he just says, "You look good in snowflakes. Where is your stocking?"

"I don't have one," she shrugs. It never made much sense to her for her to have a stocking. Santa came for children, not adults. And she got the leftover candy from filling Noah's stocking each year regardless, so she never hung one for herself.

"Well, that is unacceptable. Here," he hands her a Snickers Santa and unwraps one for himself before hiding the bag of the excess candy on top of her fridge.

She looks at the candy in her hand and sets it down on the counter, scoffing, "It's 6:00 a.m., El."

"It's Christmas," he answers with a shrug, his mouth full of a candy bar.

Olivia walks past him to the coffee maker. "I'm making coffee. Noah will be up anytime in the next half hour. We will need caffeine."

Olivia was right. Noah joined them about twenty minutes later, wiping sleep from his eyes before seeing his mom and Elliot on the couch.

"Elliot! You came!"

"Sure did bud! And so did Santa," Elliot smiles and points to all the gifts under the tree.

Noah grins at Elliot and lets him know that he's already in on the secret. "Santa's not real, these presents are from mom." He's not deterred, though. His eyes are big and excited as he takes in all the presents and the stocking hanging off to the side.

"What?" Elliot shouts, covering his heart. "Santa still visits me."

Laughing Noah runs past the couch and peeks around the tree. There are a couple larger gifts and a handful of smaller ones. He knows that his mom subscribes to the thought that Christmas was a time to get things you needed as well as things you wanted, so at least half of these gifts were clothes and books. But he was excited to see if one of those boxes held new headphones and new video games.

"Noah, before you start unwrapping, Elliot brought you something." Noah turns to his mom, seeing for the first time that his mom and Elliot are wearing matching pajamas. "If you want, you can put these on," Olivia says, holding out the third pair of blue and white pajamas.

Noah yanks them from her hands and starts stripping off his current pajamas. "In your room or the bathroom Noah," Olivia laughs at his obvious excitement.

"Oh!" Noah says, as he takes off towards the hall, his face still half covered by his shirt.

He returns quickly and runs straight towards the tree.

"Pull your gifts out to the middle," Olivia instructs from the couch so she can watch him unwrap them all.

"Elliot, will you help me?"

"You got it!"

Together Elliot and Noah pull the gifts to the center of the room. Setting Olivia's and Elliot's gifts on the coffee table; they each have one to open. And with exuberance that only a child can muster at 6:00 a.m. with no caffeine, Noah plows through his gifts, tossing bows and wrapping aside, cheering when he sees the gifts he's just been dying to have. His haul was impressive—a scooter, new coat, new pair of his green sneakers in the next size up, three video games, headphones, new chapter books in his favorite series, tickets to a musical (off Broadway), and a couple gift cards so he can buy games and music on his phone. Not to mention the small knick knacks and candy in the stocking.

"Your turn mom," Noah shouts around the chocolate covered marshmallow snowman he's just shoved into his mouth and points to the small bag in front of her.

Biting her lip, she pulls out the tissue paper. She's so anxious what gift Noah and Elliot could have picked out for her. Next, she lifts the small jewelry box from the bag. She eyes Elliot who just grins and tips in his head. She looks back at the box and lifts the lid.

"Oh Noah, it's gorgeous!" she nearly cries when she sees the thin gold chain and the small, intricate locket in the middle of the soft padding.

"Open it! It opens!" Noah almost chokes on his second piece of candy with his excitement.

Gently she lifts the necklace out and opens the locket. Tears well in her eyes when she realizes that it's a tiny picture of Noah and Elliot in the center. It's small but she can see that it's a selfie they took together and both boys are grinning so brightly. She's overcome with emotions, grateful to see her son and Elliot, her best friend, together and so happy.

"When did you…" Olivia asks, turning to Elliot, barely holding back her tears.

"We took the photo after dinner a couple weeks ago when he bought the necklace. But I had no idea that he put it in the locket," Elliot answered honestly, swallowing slightly. He was just as surprised as Olivia. He and Noah had texted back and forth about what picture his mom would love in the locket, and not once did Noah show him this photo of the two of them together.

"My teacher let me use the printer in the library at school. I printed four pictures, but I liked that one best. That way mom had both me and you in the locket."

"That was really thoughtful, Sweetie. I love it. I'll wear it today when we get dressed," Olivia tells Noah, pressing the necklace tightly to her chest before setting it carefully back in the box.

"Your turn Elliot!"

Elliot grabs the box in front of him and peels the wrapping back before opening the white box. Inside, covered by a thin sheet of tissue paper is a light blue, quarter zip cashmere sweater. He runs his hands over the soft fabric before lifting it from the box to get a better look at it. He might not have known or cared much about clothing before, but now he knows just how much a nice sweater like this costs.

"Thank you," he says, turning to Olivia, matching her small grin.

She's about to tell him that she just loves how soft the material is and that she picked it out, knowing how good it would look with his eyes, when Noah speaks up.

"Hey! I got a sweater like that too, with the zipper!" Noah tells Elliot, holding up his own light blue, quarter zip sweater, made of a much more sensible cotton.

"Well, will you look at that! We can match again sometime soon."

"Today?" Noah asks excitedly.

"Noah, Elliot might already have his outfit for today picked out," Olivia tries to set Noah's expectations.

But Elliot interjects, "We can absolutely match today. I'll make sure I'm wearing this when you come over this afternoon."

"Cool!"

"Yea Bud, it is cool," Elliot agrees, smiling. "Now is it time for breakfast? I'm starving!"