"Then why is there a plate there?" Dickie asked. He was beginning to put his guard up. Elliot's only son was a lot like him. He had the same temperament along with the same walls.
"It's because I'm not dead," Elliot stated as he walked through the entryway. Everyone stared at him for a moment. The silence was deafening.
"D-Dad, i-is that y-you?"
Elliot stood tall in the door way between the kitchen and the dining room. He watched as his four oldest children let silence take over. He witnessed the shock as it took over their once smiling features. He felt Olivia's hand reach out to grasp his as if she were trying to comfort him. Eleanore, who was unable to read the room, ran to her father and wanted to be picked up. She was smiling. Elliot obliged and raised the four year old into his arms and kissed her cheek. The small girl placed her head on his shoulder and wrapped her small arms around his neck. When he was around the little girl she couldn't get enough of him.
"So where have you been all of these years?" Dickie asked. Elliot could hear the emotion in his voice as it cracked. His tone wasn't accusing, it just seemed confused. Out of all of his children he had expected Dickie to be the most hurt. The most angry. But instead he seemed rather calm. Dickie was a lot like Elliot which is why they always butted heads.
"I never stayed in one place very long. I was moved around a lot," Elliot winced. Dickie nodded and turned his attention to Elizabeth who was silently crying. Her eyes were already tinted a light shade of red. Once his eyes met with the youngest daughter he shared with his ex wife, Elizabeth through her chair back and ran to her father. Elliot wasn't sure how he managed it, but he was able to place Eleanore safely into Olivia's arms before the force of Elizabeth's body hit his.
He staggered back, but he didn't fall. He held onto her as she sobbed into his chest. He could feel her tears against his skin as she soaked his shirt. "Shhh, it's okay," he mumbled against her head. She didn't respond. She kept her head buried as her body shook with emotion. Once her sobs calmed down she pushed herself away from him. He watched as her eyes searched his features. She studied him as if she were making sure it was truly him.
"Daddy, is it really you?" He nodded.
"It's really me, pumpkin." She rested her head back against his chest. She closed her eyes and listened to his heart as it kept a steady beat in his chest.
"So are you going to explain to us why you pretended to die?" Kathleen asked with venom in her voice. Her eyes glistened as tears began to threaten to fall. Elliot sighed.
"Kathleen, I didn't have a choice."
"You did have a choice, Dad. You always have a choice, but we, your kids I mean, are never your choice," Kathleen paused. "How many times growing up did you go undercover instead of staying home and spending time with us?"
"Kathleen," Olivia started, but was soon interrupted.
"Olivia, don't you dare defend him. You are probably just as guilty as he is. Did you know? All this time did you know that he was alive and not dead. Because I have got to say you did a damn good job with the acting. Made me feel sorry for you, at least."
"Kathleen, that is enough," Elliot hissed. "Olivia, didn't know. No one knew except for a very select few. It wasn't my choice to leave, Kathleen. A very bad man was threatening all of you because of me. He snuck into our house took pictures of Olivia sleeping. He even sent me a few of you guys. Dickie playing soccer, Lizzie practicing for her play, you out with your friends, Maureen leaving school. I kept receiving all of these pictures with threatening messages. At first it made me work harder, longer hours, not come home for days at a time. I tried everything in my power to not leave, but it was bad Kathleen and I couldn't risk any of you." Elliot had tears in his eyes. His voice cracked, "I couldn't risk any of you, so I risked myself."
"Did you get shot on purpose?" Maureen asked. It was the first time his eldest had spoken.
"No. I will admit I probably didn't belong on the field that day. My head wasn't there. I made mistakes and I ended up getting hurt." Maureen nodded. "If I had to do it all over again I would. If it meant that bastard was behind bars and you were all safe." He looked into Kathleen's blue orbs, "Your life was my first choice."
"I'm not hungry any more," Kathleen stated before standing up and making her way to the front door of the apartment. He loosened his grip on Lizzie so he could chase after his other middle daughter, but Maureen stopped him. She had a tight hold of his forearm keeping him from exiting the room after the blonde.
"Dad, give her space. She just needs to calm down." Olivia could tell that he was battling himself. He had the urge to fix the damage he had caused, but he listened to his eldest. "Rome wasn't built in a day," she added.
"I'm starving can we eat," Dickie chimed. While it hadn't lifted the heavy mood, it did help lighten it a bit.
"Yeah, lets eat," Elliot said as he gave his son a forced smile. To anyone else wouldn't have seemed fake, but Olivia could still read him. His expressions hadn't changed. That part of him was still the same. Elliot sat down and they all said their prayers before digging into the lasagne Olivia had taken the time to make.
Everyone shared small talk. Dickie spoke about the girl he was currently dating.
"Dad, I don't need the birds and the bees talk. I already got it from mom," he teased. Elliot gave him a sad smile. It was supposed to be his job to educate their son. He and Kathy had come to that mutual decision after they found out they were going to have a boy. He had more insight when it came to being a teenage boy. Kathy had more isight when it came to being a teenage girl.
Lizzie for the most part was quiet for the rest of the night. She played with her food more than she actually ate it. Elliot had watched her as she pushed around the ground meat around her plate. She didn't really speak to him until it were time for her and Dickie to go home. She held on to him for dear life. Dickie had to warn her that if they were late getting home they would be in trouble.
Maureen talked about her life. Told her father about her job and what made her decide to take that path.
The evening was filled with small conversations, questions and answers, and love. They smiled, they teared, they faced awkward silences. All the things necessary for them to get to know eachnother once again so they could move on from the five years Elliot wasn't in their lives.
"How are you feeling?" Olivia asked her husband as she handed him a bottle of beer and took a seat beside him on her couch.
"Okay," he said before taking a swig from the cool glass. He sighed and leaned back in to the couch and sighed. "I knew it would be hard. I just didn't know that everything would be this hard." He glanced over at her to see that she had a frown.
"This isn't forever, Elliot. The kids will warm back up. It is just going to be an adjustment." He nodded.
"Would it have been better if I had stayed dead?" He questioned. He turned to face her and her breath caught in her throat. She had never seen him look so defeated. "I mean I uprooted their lives, your life. You probably moved on, or were at least close to it." Olivia felt a tear fall and quickly wiped it away.
"Elliot, I never would have moved on. I meant what I told the kids. You are and always will be it for me." Knowing Eleanore was asleep Olivia swung her leg over both of his and straddled him. She leaned her forehead against his as she placed her hands gently on his shoulders. "I never want to hear you question whether or not you should have come back into our lives. I have wanted you back since the day I learned I lost you. Now, I'm never letting you go. Promise me that you will never let go either."
"You will have to let me go eventually. Well, unless you want Eleanore to catch us like this," he teased. He gave her a small smile before placing a gentle kiss on her lips. He stared into Olivia's brown orbs for a moment before adding, "I promise." The sincerity written in the deepest depth of his blue eyes caused Olivia to close the distance between their lips as she gave him a slow burning kiss.
"Eleanore loves you you know. I think she is calling you Elliot to protect herself. In case you leave again." Olivia's voice was soft as she tried to regain her breath.
"I'm thinking about putting my papers in and retiring," Elliot offered.
"Is that what you really want?" Olivia asked as she leaned back so that there was no longer contact anywhere besides where her legs were on either side of his. He shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know, Liv. I know that I don't want to risk putting my family in harms way."
"Elliot, you have put in the hours and if you want to put in your papers that is fine by me. Just make sure you do it because you want to, not because you are afraid."
"I thought about becoming a personal trainer, working at a gym. I get a lot of compliments on my ass," he stated as he tried to change the subject.
"Oh, you do have a good ass," she laughed out. Olivia let the moment of lightness sit between them for a moment before she switched it back. "You did what was right, Elliot. You gave me the opportunity to become a mom. You know I love Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie, and Lizzie, but I got to grow Eleanore inside of me and experience her at her most fragile state. As sad as it is if you stayed I might have missed out on that."
"I would never let anything happen to you. Every part of my very being needs you," Elliot shook his head as if he were trying to block out the painful thought of anything happening to her. He breathed out a heavy sigh before looking at his watch. "I should probably get going. It's getting late."
"Stay," she offered. Her voice was quiet. As much as Elliot wanted to give into her, he decided against it. He wanted to give her time. They had a hard day and she was feeling the effects from it.
"I don't think I can." Olivia houghed before removing her body from his. "Liv, it's not that I don't want to," he said following her.
"Then what is it?"
"You are setting the pace here Olivia, I gave you the reigns. I just feel like if I stayed tonight you would regret it in the morning as soon as you heard Eleanore wake up. She isn't ready for that step. We can't even kiss in front of her, yet."
"What if I want to be selfish. Elliot, I had to spend almost five years of my life without you and it was hell. Eleanore made it bearable. If I didn't have her I'm not sure what would have happened to me, but I need you and I want you." Elliot gave her a small smile before pushing a strand of hair out of her face.
"I need you too, Liv," he said barely above a whisper, " The lord only knows how much I want you, but you and Eleanore also need time to adjust to me. Today was a hard day. Like you said this is temporary."
"Temporary is over rated. Stay. Get out of that crappy motel room." Elliot furrowed his eye brows.
"How do you know I'm staying in a crappy motel room?" He questioned.
"I'm a detective," was all she offered.
"Liv, I appreciate that you want to take care of me, but I can't let you do that. At least not yet. I want to take you on a date. A real one. Just you and Me. Then maybe we could talk about it. Right now I think we need to stay where we are at."
"Elliot, the crappy hotel room isn't why I want you to move in here and be with us," Olivia stepped closer to him and grabbed both of his hands. "I want you to move in here because I don't want to waste another moment without you. It may be an adjustment for Eleanore and me, but we will adjust. I think you leaving every night and coming back the next day after she is already awake is harder on her. She thinks it's a dream or something."
"Why don't we sleep on it. It will give you time to think about whether or not that is what you really want. If it is we can talk to Eleanore about in the morning. I know she is four and maybe she won't quite understand, but I don't want to do anything that she isn't comfortable with." Olivia nodded.
"I guess that is the responsible thing to do," she groaned teasingly.
"I love you, Olivia."
"I love you to, El." Elliot couldn't help but break out into a toothy grin at the nickname. He had missed hearing it roll off of her lips so easily. Even if she did decide that it was just the night and the small bit of wine she drank talking, he knew that they were moving in the right direction.