A/N: She-ra and the Princess of power were made by J. Michael Straczynski and Larry DiTillio, I only take credit for my own added character's and storylines. Similarly, any references will be attributed to their original creators when they pop up.
Recommended story: not if it's you by luuma
Adora is a cool, single mom. And then there's Catra... Catra, who her kid adores. AU where Adora and Catra a neighbours. 20k of fluff, that's the only way I can think of describing it.
BTW, I also have an A03 account where I'm also publishing, if you prefer reading it there~.
Enjoy!
Book I: Of Shard & Concept
Chapter 9 ~ Build it Taller
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Content Warning! Implied depression, BPD, suicidal thoughts and other similar themes (if you squint you eyes). If any of the above is something you are not comfortable with, then you might want to skip this fic.
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"No Catra, I'm not programming Emily so she can help you cook."
"I don't see why not! You programmed her so that she could help as your lab assistant."
Catras' eyes narrow when Entrapta refuses to answer. Gaze momentarily darting towards Scorpia, who's happily humming to herself some few steps away.
"Don't worry, it was your first time cooking, I'm sure you won't burn down the kitchen next time."
"It was only the oven!" Her eyes narrow as she hisses defensively.
"And you burnt it down."
Catra grimaces, refusing to answer as she sends another worried glance towards Scorpia.
To make it even more embarrassing, Dawn and Edmond -who had been placed as guards for Entrapta- had also walked in when the fire started.
While she was in a pink apron!
Catra would never live it down, but she was fully intending to pretend it'd never happened.
"Oh! We're here!" Entrapta cheers, skipping towards the building with a smile as she and Scorpia follow somewhat wearily. "Hello!" Entrapta calls, knocking at the door as she waits happily.
"Eh- Entrapta, how sure are you that they won't want us dead?" Catra asks not for the first time.
"Oh, don't worry. As I said, they're neutral. Just don't involve military and politics and you'll be-"
"Entrapta!" A voice cheers, the woman disappearing in a blur as she's pulled into a hug.
"Oh, hi Lance! How've you been?"
"We have been amazing! We think we just found an old star map dating millennia ago! Oh, but how are you!? George and I were so worried when he heard Dryl changed allegiances." Finally, he notes them, eyes widening as gently puts her down. "How rude of me! Who are you friends, Entrapta?"
"This is Catra and Scorpia." She introduces them. "Catra was interested in knowing Etheria's geographical history, so I thought she'd like to visit the library."
Huh. Catra hadn't known there was an actual name for what she'd wanted to know. Or at least she assumed that Entrapta had referred to her interest in why Etheria had changed over the centuries.
And credit where credit was due. Lance only hesitated for a moment before extending his hand.
"Well… any friend of Entrapta's is a friend of ours." The man smiles, smoothly inviting them inside of the large building. "Welcome to our humble library!"
"So," His eyes sparkle, darting towards her excitedly. "What interested you in geographical history? Oh, such a fascinating topic! Not that all aspects of history aren't interesting, but..."
"Oh," Catra blinks, realising she's practically talking to another Scorpia. "Well, It's the lack of it that kind of interests me. There's barely anything from before the war… I suppose you could say I liked to see what no one has seen before?" Honestly, Catra had always been competitive… Was it really that much of a surprise that she didn't like being second?
Oh wow, that sounded like a terrible reason, she pondered, for a moment, she was interested in Etherian history. She needed to know how they got to this point. Why did they get to this point?
"Oh, I've got just the books for you!" He grins, waving for her to follow him as he cheerfully skips through the library.
Which turns out to take a good dozen minutes. She'd assumed that with the library, he'd meant the room. No, they had a dozen rooms all dedicated with bookshelves of different subjects.
"Er-, where's Entrapta and Scorpia?" She blinks after a near hour of exploring bookshelves with the man.
"Hmm? Oh, Entrapta wanted to go through some of our newer batch of books. She can take some time with them, so... want to try reading through some of our choices?"
So... she might as well read through one of the books he recommended because Entrapta is many things, but above all, she's picky with what she chooses. It takes her less than a minute, quickly becoming engrossed even if she often finds herself having to repeat paragraphs to actually follow what's being explained.
At some point, Lance attempts to strike up a conversation.
Usually, she wouldn't pay much attention. Only that-
Only that she ends up putting down her book as she attentively listens to his talking turned lecture.
And he's good, maybe it's the cheerful tone, or the animated movements or even the drawings depicting his lecture, but hours pass as she goes with little saying.
Turns out, Lance's, and every other historian's, requirement to graduate is three years of teaching experience. Something about teaching being the proof of knowledge. It's also why Entrapta didn't graduate, which would have left Catra far more furious if Lance hadn't sounded just as infuriated when explaining the academy's standards.
The lecture -which is what she's calling it, even if Lance denies it-, turns towards the more cultural side of things when he mentions George, his husband.
That… well, she knows people can do… stuff, if people feel stuff towards each other. The older members of the cadets, who, in turn, had been explained by their own seniors, had explained it to her squad. It was an entire system that'd been… not so much set up as it'd been passed down when the transition of power between the land's King and Lord Hordak had happened. And no one had snitched it to Shadow Weaver because...well…
Gratitude wasn't often seen in the Horde, Catra being one of many among them, but… she'd been very, very grateful when she'd had an explanation why she was bleeding between… urgh, she'd rather not think about it. Safe to say, no one in her squad had been particularly happy to experience puberty.
That being said she had returned the favour by telling the younger year. Poor kid had looked horrified when she'd … oh, wait-
Hadn't that been Fane? ...It's been over six years ago, but… yeah, she's almost certain that it'd been Fane.
Huh, no wonder he'd been so awkward when they'd arrived at the mine.
But she's going off-topic. Turns out that if people are close enough, they go through an entire ceremony in some sort of celebration that they call marriage.
It… kind of sounded like a partnership after graduation made between different surviving squads that complimented skill sets? Only that it wasn't so much skill sets as it was personality compatibility. It was very weird.
Almost weird as the idea that they celebrated peoples birth, really. The marriage she could kind of get, but birthdays were just… way over the top. Just, very, very weird.
Anyway. The whole cultural conversation is weird but grudgingly educational, but it does eventually lead towards the more geographical side of things.
Which, even not looking at it as something she needs to know is absolutely fascinating.
The war they were having now was actually started some seven hundred or so years ago - though that was when George had arrived and added his own tidbit that no one was entirely certain of the when, where and why- and had lasted for around a decade, territories and borders had changed. Most importantly, however, had been the change of economic supply alongside the ideological belief that human and near humans were... well, she didn't entirely get it but it seemed to be some sort of idea that species like Scorpia and Rogelio were lesser of some sort because they were less human-like in appearance.
Catras own species, or she assumed she qualified as her own species, wasn't seen particularly favourable either. That was because the terminology of half-breeds had started raising with even more disdain than original species.
It sounded kind of silly to her, but people had started to sprout those ideas to the point that some princesses had started supporting them. Which led to about eight decades ago, when borders had started to close and threats had started to be made.
Now, before that there'd been the many princesses, each having some dozen or so nobles under their rule, and the only independent power, La Catedral. It was a First Ones worshipping religion that had acted as some form of neutral ground, believing in charity, kindness, being nice and sweet apart from their persecutions towards anyone that advanced technology too far.
And then the war broke out, and the Princess alliance that would use technology -and that was weird to know, that the Horde had been a princess based alliance- had declared war on the other alliance. And since they were using technology, La Catedral had involved itself which had made things even messier since they'd removed themselves as the middle ground.
"So it's a mess?" She finally asks, tilting her head at the board thoughtfully.
"Yes," George sighs. "No matter how many times I look at it, I can't help but feel there was more going on than just what we know..." Suddenly, his frown shifts into an amused smirk. "why, one could say that between my left and right eye, something smells?" He elbows Lance looking rather proud of himself.
"Please stop." Lance groans, staring at the ceiling in expiration.
"Oh." Catra blinks, realisation forming in her eyes as she points at George. "Something smells between eyes."
Both men stare at her in silence. And then, George grins as Lance lets out a pitiful moan.
"Say, Catra, what do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" At her bewildered expression, his smirk grows. "Sofishticated."
Catra snorts, eyes glittering with amusement as Lance stares at them in growing horror. "Dear, please stop."
"What did the ocean say to the beach?" He continues, eyes shining with amusement.
"No, no, no-"
"Oh, oh! I would think it would wave." They both share a grin. "Say, I'm not sure if I want to return to the forest." She continues, waiting a moment as George looks at her curiously. "Why, yes, those trees seem really shady."
"No, no, no, no-"
"Oh, dear." George laughs, "Well then, we have more than enough books to spend your time here! There's this one really sad book, in particular, you might like reading."
"No, no-"
"Sad?"
"No-"
"Why yes, it has far too many problems."
"No, no, no." Lance closes his eyes, sitting on the chair as he starts breathing heavily.
Catra blinks, eyes darting between him and George in concern. "Is... is he okay?"
"Hm? Oh, yes. Breathing exercises, you know?"
"Er- what?"
"They help people relax and cope with stress... ah, that sounds pretty bad... my puns aren't that bad."
"Huh." Catra stares curiously. "Is there a book I can read about this?" She asks hopefully.
Three hours later, a very excited Lance, and four separate books, Catra finds out that she can, in fact, learn it.
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Rain drums against the windows as she walks through the hallways. Datapad in hand, she goes over the report not for the first time as she starts calculating a basic timeframe for when her results will start to become visible.
The familiar sound of the crackling thunderstorm helps her relax as she stares through the window. A strange mixture of calmness and exhaustion fills her as another spark of lightning spreads through the sky.
She'd always been fascinated by the scarlet sprites that filled the sky at the start of every spring.
And she's rather grateful it's not winter, where it snows heavily and temperature becomes unbearable.
Honestly, after last week's exploration to the middle of nowhere she'd probably snap and do something… violent.
Louder, this time, thunder resounds throughout the fright zone, a majestic sound accompanying the scarlet flash of light.
…
...she kind of wanted to climb the half-torn platform and watch it closer.
...she blamed Lance for making her nostalgic. She was eighteen, Horde's sake, not eighty!
Taking a deep breath, she straightened her posture, hands going through her hair in a weak attempt to neaten it before opening the door.
"...hello? ...Lord Hordak?" Catra bites her lip, eyes darting through the mess as she approaches her Lord's throne.
The design was far more… ominous than that Entrapta favoured, the walls made in a hexagonal pattern, faint poisonous light slipping through their gaps to illuminate the chamber. There were multiple devices of varying sizes. All organized in a relatively neat manner symmetrical to each other.
...she preferred Entrapta's chaotic mess over this, to be honest.
"State your purpose," Her Lord's voice booms through the chamber. "Force Captain Catra."
"Ah, my Lord." She quickly bows, "I realised that we never arranged for a scheduled debriefing. Like you used to with Shadow Waver, that is, so we could establish a-"
"I am to understand," He hisses, eyes narrowing as they meet her own, "that you disturbed me for no reason?"
Catra blinks, blindsided by his response.
"I- er, no, of course not, my Lord." She responds. "It's just that you did the same with Shadow Waver, so I assumed- that is to say, with the recent drastic change of the front line, our forces have never been in such an advantageous position and I wanted to know how you wished to proceed."
"Was wasting our advantage while the woods regrew to further our advantage?" He walks towards the computer, eyes darting towards the screen as he pulls on a lever. "Was it getting yourself captured?"
The room darkens, light shutting off, the only source of light from the machinery and screen still on. Grimacing, she stopped herself from rubbing her throat at its sudden dryness.
"Etheria's atmosphere often proves to be a... complicated variable in my experiments." Catra eyes squinted, breath shortening as the room started to shift.
"I-" Catra coughs, knees shaking as she falls on the floor. Oh, she manages to think, the room isn't spinning.
"Do tell me, Force Captain, how is your breathing?" Her heart drums, quickening its pace as she forces herself to look up. Standing right next to her, he stares half bored, half irritated. "Pathetic… just like everything on this planet is. Do you know what the definition of failure is?"
And for a moment, she's ten again, body withering in pain as she forces herself to look up at Shadow Waver's looming figure.
It hurts, as well, because it was supposed to be different, right? Supposed to be better.
...he was supposed to be better. Wise, noble and fair, that was the Lord they all swore loyalty to.
She couldn't see it.
"It's when something ceases to have a purpose. And when that happens, it becomes useless to me." His eyes narrow even further. "Thus far, your performance… has been lacking."
In a harsh movement, the lever moves, light returning as she's left on the floor, gasping for air desperately as her throat stings harshly.
"Pathetic... pathetic... pathetic." Catras eyes narrow, realising it isn't her mind that's repeating the words as much as it is the strange creature standing on one of the nearby pipes.
Blinking, she notes the faint glow of energy running between joints. It's not something she wouldn't have realised if she hadn't spent so much time listening to Entrapta, but… it's a robot.
That's how he knew, she thinks, forcing herself up before she bows.
It's some type of recorder.
And her disappointment grows as she realises where his 'infinite wisdom' to lead the Horde is born from.
There is no understanding of his people, only control.
...because they're not, are they? Not his people, she means. They never have been.
"I… haven't failed yet." She manages to stop herself from gritting it out. "The rebellion is still being pushed back." It shouldn't be a surprise, what's one more betrayal in a sea of many? "...It won't happen again."
His fingers tap on the lever twice. Then, his hand moves, staring at her for a moment longer before he turns towards the screen. "You are dismissed."
Catra walks through the door, eyes narrowing as it slams behind her.
But she doesn't bow.
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It takes her hours to sort through her thoughts.
It's a mess and a half, her mind. And it's nowhere as easy as it was when Lance had talked her through it, but... it helps. Thinking through why she felt so betrayed and trying to stop the harsh rage that was burning under her skin.
The whispering woods aren't that far away from here, she thinks, just some few hours by the faster vehicles.
She'll go later this week. It's… incredibly welcoming, the library. And while George had been somewhat wary of having Horde soldiers in their house Lance had been nothing but lovely to her.
Of course, the clinical part of her mind knew that it was an emotional instinct she was experiencing that led her to seek some form of approval.
Entrapta and Scorpia worked for her, so the approval they gave -while touching- didn't quite have the same effect.
It… could lead to problems, if she didn't find a way to counter it soon.
Opening the door, she easily sidesteps the flying half form of a robot as she spots Entrapta doing… something.
"Oh, hey, Catra!" Somehow, Entrapta managed to sound equally happy and exasperated when greeting her. Which, rude, she hadn't visited that often.
"Evening, Entrapta. I was wondering-"
"No, It's still not ready." Entrapta sighs.
Catra bristles somewhat at the tone. For someone that claims to struggle with socialising, Entrapta can easily convey 'why are you like this' and 'It was funny the first time, now it's just tedious' a little too well.
"I guessed as much. But I was going to ask-"
"I had to study the basic schematics before adding the modifications in a compatible way. The actual plating will only take a few hours, so… it'll still be another four days until it's ready. Ah, mind passing me that?"
Catra hums, going over the schematics, noting the new changes -again- as she reaches for the half torn apart electric screwdriver and hands it to the older woman.
It says a lot that neither comment on the state of any equipment. At this point, Catra realised that Entrapta was… well, she was a bit of a slob when it came to her lab. That included equipment, which in this case, had to show wires and pieces missing over it.
Catra was tempted to make cleaning up after Entrapta a new punishment in the Horde. She was curious to see how long they lasted.
"She," Catra comments as she watches the princess work.
"...eh?"
"My spear is my modified staff. And my staff was a she."
Entrapta sends her a judgmental glance. Catra, not one to back down, returns the stare, hoping she conveys 'if you get to give your robot a gender, I can give my spear a gender' strong enough for the older woman to actually get it.
She supposes she's being slightly unfair. Entrapta has spent the past few days oscillating between a submersible ship and her spear -both of which Catra asked her to work on- with little to no sleep.
"Huh, are you playing who blinks first?" Scorpia asks "Because oh boy, I'm a bit of a champion at that, if I do say so myself.
"No," Catra sighs fondly, "We're not playing… what's that?" That refers to the scroll in Scorpia's pincer. A very familiar scroll that Catra couldn't help but link to the one she'd seen just some months ago.
"Hm? Oh, it's my invitation to the royal banquet next month! I wasn't expecting them to send me one since we kind of crushed the princess prom, but I suppose they really do take things easy, huh."
"Take things easy?"
"Yeah? It's- oh, how do I explain this? Princess prom is kind of the testing grounds for princesses. Social missteps and such can be ignored or diminished in importance since they were created for the younger side of the princess society."
"...I see. So the Banquet?" Catra frowns, nodding to Entrapta as she walks towards the exit with Scorpia.
"Right. So one could say that the princess prom is for the princesses to prepare for society, a way to network and grow alliances between the younger generation. The royal banquet, on the other hand, is where all the Queens and Kings gather alongside the more important princesses.
Catra blinked, tilting her head thoughtfully. "But- I thought they weren't comfortable with the Horde attending?
"It's… complicated? They'd have to break a lot of their rules to not invite me, and I would already be an exception since my moms passed away. So, I kind of always attended both. Since I'm technically the highest royalty of the Horde. But at the same time, I was considered a child until 21, so I also attended prom. Like I said, complicated."
Catra nods slowly, lost in thought as they walk out of the laboratory.
As the door closes, Entrapta blinks, confusion forming on her features as she turns to the door. "Catra, wai-!" The door closes before she can finish the sentence, nothing but the soft humming of her equipment to keep her company.
For a moment, Entrapta stares, slowly turning from the door to her hands.
"...I… must have imagined it." She finally murmurs, hands slowly returning to their work, mind still distracted as she ponders to herself.
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Catra walks through the door, files in hand and far too sleep-deprived to really care how she looks when she freezes.
Blink twice, she slowly takes a step back, looks at which door she actually walked through and starts to ponder if Entrapta had been onto something when she'd said sleeping was important.
Okay, no, she isn't imagining things -which she already knew, she'd been going with little sleep for years, it wasn't about to fail her now- but rather just seeing things. Very weird things.
"-don't care, you either do as I say or you can be the next janitor. You will tell me why you still haven't finished the report. And you are going to tell me now."
Kyle sneers down at the nearly two meters tall man as he paces in circles muttering to himself, eyes narrowed as he glares with barely suppressed fury.
"Ah- well, that is..."
"Oh, shut it." Kyle clicks his tongue, turning towards his left. "Yes, Cobalt?" Kyle asks in a calmer, more respectful tone.
Well, at least he's still a teacher's pet.
Which is a bit of a relief, really. Some things don't change.
"You have a visitor, head instructor." He replies drily, and wow, I forgot I missed this man's sense of humour.
"A vis- oh! Catra!" Kyle smiles, swiftly walking out of the room as the door closes behind him.
...not before he sends one last glare to the soon to be janitor.
Well... "So, having fun?"
Huh, she thinks this is the first time Kyles ever glared at her. "Fun? Do you have any idea how much of a nightmare most of the instructors are? They spent the first week eating me alive! Don't even get me started on their ability to follow instructions. And the paperwork! It's maddening. Honestly, Catra, it would have been easier to just start from zero."
Catra rolls her eyes as they walk through the hallway, lips twitching at the melodramatic tone. Not that she doubted it, it was much the same with her own projects, really. Huh, wait- "...okay. Sure, start from the beginning."
"...what?"
"I mean if most of the instructors aren't up to standard then replace them. If the cadet corps needs replacing, then replace them." She can't really believe she's saying this, and Kyle looks just as disbelieving, but- "I'll move the needed resources, just tell me what you need to make it happen.
"...why are you always like this?"
Catra sighs, leaning on the wall next to one of the hallway windows in exhaustion. "We're going to need all the troops we can get. And if I have to remove half the Horde to make it work, I will."
"Right, now I'm concerned. Catra, what's going on?"
"We..." Catra's literally. "Urgh, we are literally on our last supplies. Did you know Shadow Waver completely wasted our last resources? Because she did. Kyle, we have two years, three tops before we run out. I didn't know this when I put you in charge. But we need this to work. Or we are literally out.
Kyle leans on the opposing wall, biting his lip before, in an unusually high pitched tone, says, "Huh. No pressure on me. I mean... I can possibly make this work..." Frowning, his back straightens as he meets her gaze. "Right, I'm going to need access to Force Captain Scorpia's library. There might be something on the older instructions and procedures."
"Sure, I'll have to ask, but I don't see her saying no." Which, well, technically she could just order it, but... yeah, she'd rather give Scorpia a choice in the matter. Especially now seeing that they were... tentative friends.
"And how serious were you about replacing instructors? Because that's going to have to be most of them."
"...okay, fine, just find the replacement first."
"Good, and how much can I change the curriculum?"
"Just pass it through me first and you have free rein."
"Oh good. On another note, do you mind if I drop 'beast island' and 'second in command' in conversations?
Catra throws back her head as she lets out a startled laugh. "What? Is that why they looked like they were about to drop?"
"I... might have implied something or other, yes." Kyle shrugs, hand going through his hair in an attempt to neaten it. "As I said, they were eating me alive the first week and I really had no idea what I was doing, so I kind of asked Cobalt for some extra lessons? It... got out of hand, and I don't think he meant to threaten them with execution when he said I should be more intimidating, but..."
"Oh? Is that why you're less," Catra makes a vague motion with her hands, unsure how to explain Kyle's usual demeanour. "And a lot more like this?"
"I took a page from Shadow Waver's books. Glare, shout, mutter and intimidate. You know, the usual."
Catra snorts, pushing herself from the wall as she hands him the file. "I'll talk to Scorpia on the files." She nods, hand going through her own hair. "And... I was being serious. If you do need me to pull strings just send me a message." At Kyle's surprised expression, Catra can't help but smirk. "I mean, what's the point of having a second in command as a squad member if you can't benefit from any nepotism, right?"
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Pulling her hand away from the keypad, she gently places the tray of food on the floor. "Never took you for the hopeful one." Catra murmurs, eyes darting towards the now seventy-third line on the wall.
"Well, one does need something to keep themselves occupied." Shadow Waver shrugs nonchalantly. "Unfortunately, your ability in hospitality is rather... lacking."
"Well," Catra drawls, eyes narrowing as she crosses her arms. "I'll be sure to not entertain my guests in prison."
"Oh? So you can be house trained."
Catra lets out a hiss, claws momentarily sharpening before she forces herself to just-
-breath.
She ignores Shadow Wavers silent stare as she opens her eyes.
For a moment, she coldly stares back. And then she reaches for her right arm, rolling down the sleeved glove. "You remember my first... private lesson, yes?" She drawls, noting the older women twitch. "You remember what caused it, I hope." She pushes forward, untangling the bandages on her arm. "And now, you're going to tell me what this is."
"And," She continues, her tone becoming icy. "you're going to tell me now."
"...what did you do." Shadow Waver voice comes out odd. Odd in the way it's less distorted than usual.
It takes Catra a moment to realise that it's actually smoother and more... normal, compared to usual, that is.
"That's what I'd like to know." Catra continues. "I touched a first one's artefact, and had no reaction until it touched She-Ra's sword."
Unsurprisingly, Shadow Waver reacts to She-Ra's mention. Catra hadn't much wanted to allow that to appear in the conversation, but...
She was starting to become very wary of her own arm.
Through the week since she'd returned, it had been disappearing. At slow, snail-like progress, but still disappearing.
But in the past few hours, the slight throbbing had returned, barely noticeable, less annoying than a tiny scratch, really. But-
Well, Catra wasn't one to take unnecessary risks... too often. So she might as well make keeping a prisoner useful.
"I... do not know." Shadow Waver answers, tone curious as she removes her mask. "Certainly, it is similar to my own injuries, but they seem much less... present."
Catra hums, eyes studying Shadow Wavers face slightly surprised.
Her face is still disfigured, veins and scars making it look even more severe, but... how to say this...
Maybe it's because she was a terrified child the last time she'd seen her mentor maskless, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as she'd remembered.
Not to say it wasn't bad. As she said, it was still rather severe. That being said, when she thought of her soldiers, of the injuries some of them had sustained... it was... almost normal.
It was strange, realising that Shadow Waver hadn't just... always been like that.
Catra clicks her tongue, both from the thought and- "Yes, well, I wasn't expecting much anyway."
"Tell me if it gets worse." She orders softly. "If it's anything more than a passing resemblance, then it's something you want to keep in cheek."
"Huh." Catra huffs. Sarcastically, bitingly even, she adds, "I think that's the first order you gave me that isn't with a rather offensive insult."
"...as I said before, I will neither apologise nor regret my actions. And I was right, you have grown strong. Powerful. " For a moment, the woman hesitates, seemingly debating with herself before she lifts her head. "And I am proud that-"
Shadow Waver flinches back at the sudden crackling sounding impact. Eyes darting to her fist slammed into the energy door as blood dripped from her knuckles.
"I hope," Catra growls, staring down in an instinctive need to rip her apart. "That you weren't about to pull the mother card." An image of Lance and George, cheerfully speaking of their thirteen children reached her mind. That had been parents bragging of their wonderful children while also being wary of an enemy soldier. "You have no right." Proud? Now? When Adora isn't here and she's in prison? "To pretend that you care. To pretend that you ever cared." She doesn't bother correcting her breathing, barely bothered to restrain her furry, really. "You haven't had that right for years. You-" A particular nightmare builds a presence in her mind, of red and black and shouting and crying. "- haven't had that right since you pinned me with those shadows and electrocuted me. Oh but that's all in the past, isn't it? Let's forgive and be friends because of the power of friendship. It's not like I begged you to stop when you killed me. It's not like you tried to kill a child. You and-"
Catra forces herself to stop. It's difficult, her temper has always escaped her, especially in later years… but if she…
She's still working, still on a mission. So she detaches herself, forcing her burning fury to freeze and become ice.
...She'll go to the gym later. Punching something tends to help.
And her thoughts straightened, and an image of an imp-like creature that repeats too many words, and a Lord -not hers- that knows too much formed in her mind.
"When Lord Hordak-" Not my Lord, "-expressed his disappointment to you, I found Adora, did you know?"
She's not surprised that it brings a reaction from the woman, disappointed, yes, but not surprised.
"What was it you said? Oh, yes, that you see yourself, in me. That you wanted me to be great." Catra lets out a hissing dismissal, sounds that she hasn't let out j years, just to prove how little this woman moulded her. "Oh, but Adora was no better, was she? How she knew I didn't belong in the Horde. How she could see I could be good." She's only half-aware that she's crying, maybe because she'd loved this woman, once. Maybe… maybe because she'd loved Adora once too.
Maybe, because no matter how much she'd loved them, she's beginning to realise that they'd never really seen her. That that's all she'd ever been, a mirror of comparisons to measure their own greatness.
Any shame or horror at crying in public was suppressed by the sheer amount of cold flowing through her veins.
She's been trapped half frozen before, once.
It doesn't even come close.
"Well," She drawls, "I'm so sorry to disappoint once again. But I'm not your second coming that you can use for your twisted justifications, and I'm not some great evil that Adora will surpass to bring peace and justice." For a moment, she stares down at the woman, and then-
"I'm my own person, the second in command. And I'm going to create my home in the very thing you tried to ruin."
And she walks away.
She doesn't bother to look back. Feels no need to look at what she leaves behind.
...she was still going to the gym, though.
Just after she finds an abandoned part of the Horde that she still fits in.
Which... is surprisingly still a significant amount.
It's not until she closes one of the doors in the supply rooms that she closes her eyes and rubs her templates.
Crying is exhausting.
She'd really rather just not deal with this, honestly. Feelings were such a pain. Why couldn't she be a robot? They didn't have to deal with... oh, wait, Entraptas pet might -she was still somewhat sceptical on the subject- feel them, so that still wouldn't help.
Breathe.
Catra blinks, eyes darting through the room as she wonders where the hell she's actually gotten herself stuck in this time.
It's one of the older rooms, back before the Horde was made and had only been half converted into the metallic rooms she was so accustomed to.
Catra frowns, as she slowly starts to recognise this room.
Wasn't this-
"Hey, Catra" A voice calls, just teasing enough for the girl to groan. "What mess did you get yourself into this time?"
Catra shakes her head, furiously ignoring the memory as she forces herself to straighten. Staring for a moment longer, she walks through the door, more than willing to forget the last few minutes happened.
Behind her, she leaves the room where she last saw Hannah.
She's not dealing with this.
Just, no.
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Catra debates returning to her bed.
Her office, which used to be the war room, is still in its lovely warm colours that Entrapta's robots had changed to her specification. It's reached the point where she's debated building a side room and moving her bedroom there.
But she's not even a step through the door when her gaze darts towards the large figure at the centre of the large room, sitting on the table as he calmly goes through his own papers -maybe documents he'd brought for her?- before he looks up and smiles.
His smile is more disarming in person, calm and serene and ever so dangerous.
"Force Captain Kodiak," She quickly shifts her lips into its own smile. "I wasn't expecting you. I hope you're doing well?"
Why did you become the commander? Catra suppresses the urge to frown. She still doesn't know what to make of this man.
"Indeed. It's nice to finally meet you in person, Commander." He extends a hand which she quickly takes with a shake. "Ah, please take a seat." He still smiles, hand indicating one of the nearby tables as he puts the papers down.
She hesitates for a moment, more than aware that he's just taken charge of the conversation and the implication of command, but-
"Thank you," She smiles, not willing to risk anything with this man, "Is there any reason for this visit, Force Captain?"
That man lets out a short, pleasant laugh. "Does there have to be a reason for an old man to visit?"
"Not at all." Apart from my sleeping schedule going out the window, three hours is the bare minimum, after all. "And thank you. How have your sectors been developing? I only hear good things, but there's only so much one can get from reports."
Force Captain Kodiak is a strange case for the Horde. A force captain is usually only assigned one sector to their command. But this is the last Force Captain of the previous kingdom, and he has four sectors to his name, be it through early inner-politics, war, or...
Well, Catra is capable of reading between lines. If this man has so much power, then that means Shadow Waver couldn't deal with him.
This means she's dealing with someone that Shadow Waver was wary, or even afraid of.
"I was hoping we could discuss my sectors, actually." Catra doesn't react or even point out he just claimed to have nothing to discuss a moment ago. "I've heard you've been through quite the ordeal in the past few months, so I thought I'd offer an invitation to visit my headquarters. An inspection, of sorts."
Catra doesn't react. What she does do is think.
And as she meets his gaze, she can't help but conclude, I'm so dead.
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I sometimes post art of my fanfics here:
Deviantart: sapphireandemeralds
Twitter: SappandEmr
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A big thank you to Hubris Plus, Sathroe and Tara for reading through the draft!
I had to resist the temptation of having Catra say: I'll make the Horde great again. Literally, so incredibly tempted to write it.
I realise there hasn't been much fighting for a war based fic, there will be, really. Just not yet. The way it's going, book one and two will be more personal development and then Horde development. Book three, four and five is where the violence and answers will start to become more noticeable.
None the less, if you felt I should have written something differently, be it personality and/or displays of different states of mentality, please leave a comment! Any advice is welcome and appreciated!
Anyways, Ill See you next time! Ciao!
~ Sapphire and Emeralds