3. SECOND THOUGHTS

Whew. I can't believe it's been three weeks already. Tomorrow, it's going to be Lights, Camera, Action. But at least we still have tonight.

Edythe was lying beside me, my arms wrapped tight around her. Outside the open window the crickets were chirping loudly, the sound accompanied by all the local frogs in a symphony of nature's nighttime music. Charlie was fast asleep in the other room and I had Edythe all to myself. Stretching her head up a little, she brushed a kiss on my forehead and after throwing a quick glance at the digital clock on my nightstand, she gently twisted herself away from my chest just an inch, waiting for me to release her. I didn't.

"Mm. I should get going, Beau. My sisters want to throw me some sort of Bachelorette party thing tonight." Figuring out my ploy, she made to sit up, pulling herself easily yet regretfully out of my arms. Before she could make it all the way though, my arm circled round the front of her shoulders and I pulled her right back to me, pressing her tight to my chest. She giggled and clutched at my sweater sleeves.

"Five minutes." I pouted, burying my nose in her sweet-smelling hair.

"Okay, okay, five minutes." She turned to look at me with soft eyes and I felt her cool fingers running up and down my back from underneath my gray sweater. Then I saw her sigh, feeling her shoulders moving up then down.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, looping a lock of her bronze, tousled hair behind her ear.

"I was just thinking," she began quietly.

"About what?" I asked, stroking her cheek.

She rested a hand on the side of my face. "Well, about a few things – About your choice to change, for one thing." She shook her head, pressing her lips together. "You'll be giving up Renee and Charlie. They love you so much, it will literally kill them to hear something's happened to you, I know it. You'll be dead- you'll be dead to them, and I know it will break them, immeasurably. Please, please reconsider, Beau. You'll be losing them all because of me." She put both hands on her chest, her voice coming out a more forceful sound. I was silent then, trying to figure out what to say to her. She's right – of course, I'll miss them. But what's worse to me is that I know how much pain it'll cause them if I follow through with this; how much they'll miss me. That's what hurts the most. I would never freely choose to do this to them, ever. But I know what I want – I want Edythe, I want to be with her.

"Again, I choose you, Edythe. I will always choose you, alright?" I gave her shoulders a squeeze and pulled her to my chest again. She shook her head.

"But it's not just that, Beau. Do you remember what your dad said when we told him that we were getting married? You know, how he thought I was… pregnant?" she laughed softly, bowing her head before lifting her eyes to meet mine.

"Um, I'm trying very hard not to." I muttered, remembering how mortifying that was.

Edythe laughed once at that and sat up. I did the same, scooting in closer beside her and then she turned towards me, taking my hand. "Well, what if I told you that I wish he was right?"

I opened my mouth to speak but she stopped me, putting a finger to my lips. "Actually, it's more like… I wish there was some way that he could have been right; do you know what I mean? It just reminded me of yet another thing I'll be taking away from you – a family." Her voice got softer; sadder. She shrugged helplessly and threw her hands out to either side of her, palms facing the ceiling. "I want to give you things, Beau, not take them away. Why are you doing all this to yourself, for my sake? It's just not right, Beau." She wrapped her arms around herself like she was cold and her eyelashes fluttered, upset. I shook my head and took her shoulders, giving them a squeeze. "Hey, hey, hey. Look, I choose you, alright? I don't need anything else. You are all I want; you are all I need." My hands moved to her cheeks and I brought her face up to mine, leaving a kiss on her forehead. "Okay? And look, if somewhere down the road we decided we did want, you know, a family of our own, then we'll just do what Carine did. We'll adopt." I reasoned. "As for my parents – of course I'll miss them. Of course, I still want them to be in my life but in all honesty, I think it's maybe better for everyone if, with everything that's going to happen, that it did happen that way." I shook my head. "I'm losing them one way or another." I said in a near-silent voice. "But it doesn't matter, Edythe. Not when I'm with you. And nothing will ever change that." I quickly added, squeezing her hands. She gave me a small, rueful smile.

"You sound pretty sure of yourself there."

"Believe me, I am." I spoke this unshakeable truth.

"But you promise – you promise you'll be okay with that? You won't feel like you're missing out? You won't resent me?" she asked, eyes widening.

"If I'm with you, then that's all that matters."

She sighed at that. "It's not too late, Beau. You really don't have to do this."

"Can't get rid of me that easily." I laughed, but then my face tensed up for a split second. "Wait – do you want to get rid of me?" that would change things, surely. "That is, um, this isn't your way of dumping me, right? Do you not want to marry me?" I tried laughing it off to cover myself and touched the back of my neck. I could feel my cheeks going red and I felt that lump in my throat again like it was choking me. Just the thought that she didn't want to be with me made my whole chest hurt and I turned my face the other way because I didn't want to let her see me cry like an idiot, though I know she wouldn't have judged me for it one bit. Sigh. I guess that's just a "me" thing, isn't it? I took a deep breath, both composing and reproaching myself mentally at the same time for being so unreasonable. Her soft touch pulled me back to my senses and her eyes were wide on me, lips parting in disbelief.

"Don't you ever think for one second that I don't love you, Beau. I wouldn't forgive you." She reiterated in a hard, angry voice. Then with an intense fervor her lips covered mine - an affirmation - and then she pulled me into a tight hug, her hands I'm pretty sure leaving the lightest imprint of an almost-bruise in the shape of her beautiful hands on the back of my neck but I didn't care – it was like a temporary tattoo that I wished to make permanent. After she released me, she was coming in to kiss me again but then her face broke out into this bright, happy smile just as I heard a knocking at my windowsill.

"Edythe!" It was Eleanor and Jessamine. "Hi future little brother-in-law!" Eleanor added and she and Jessamine beamed as they found my eyes.

"Hey." I called back and gave them each a smile.

"We've come to claim your bride, Beau." Eleanor announced, flashing her eyebrows at me.

In an invisible movement Edythe was on her feet, still holding my hand tight. "I guess that's my cue. I'll see you tomorrow. At our wedding." She chuckled, picking up where we left off on that kiss from earlier.

"Don't even think about coming near my sister before the ceremony, you hear? It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before then, you know. So, we're holding you to that, Beau." Jessamine waggled a cautionary finger at me.

"Yeah, Arch will personally murder you if you come anywhere near Edy's room. He made the dress himself and he'll be working on her all. Day. You are going to die when you see her!" Eleanor gushed proudly, coming on over and dragging Edythe by the hand to my open window. I laughed following after them. "Duly noted, girls." I saluted them. "Any strippers I should be worried about? You know, because my wife-to-be will most definitely find them all much better-looking than me."

"Yes, totally." Eleanor rolled her eyes and laughed. "But just the one." She gave me a puckish smile. "Kidding!" she quickly added before I even knew how to react. "We're going out hunting - cougars tonight, since that's what little sis here is going to be." Eleanor pointed at Edythe who would be blushing right about now if it were at all possible and threw her head back, laughing.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Beau." Jessamine smiled. She and Eleanor left first and I waved them off, so it was just me and Edythe now.

"I love you, Beau." Her beautiful golden eyes softened when they found mine and she kissed me one last time.

"I love you, too." I answered her quietly; simply. I watched as she disappeared into the night and just like that, she was gone.