9. HURT
I stretched out my arms over my head as I awoke the next morning, curling my toes against the sheets. I reached a hand blindly out to the right side of the bed where Edythe had laid beside me last night, but was surprised not to find her there. When my eyes adjusted to the sunlight streaming in through the bedroom windows, I finally saw Edythe, dressed in what looked like one of those old-timey white lace nightgowns you'd see in a period drama like Downton Abbey or something like that with a lace duster pulled over her shoulders. She was pacing back and forth; wide awake as always with a finger pressed nervously to her lip and her hair was pulled messily over her left shoulder.
"Edythe?" I asked, blinking. "Are you alright?" But then I noticed everything on top of the bed - including me - was completely covered in feathers and the white curtains which opened on either side of it were suddenly missing, ripped away it seemed and lay in two crumpled heaps on the ground. I started out of bed but when a cool draft slammed into my body, I realized I was totally naked – yeah, covered in feathers and not much else I guess– and instinctively I pulled the white comforter up over my chest. Remembering last night though, I blushed and realized it wasn't anything my wife hadn't seen before thanks to that little bit of Heaven on earth we'd experienced just hours before, and it should really be a totally normal thing – but then again, maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part. Sigh. I could feel the red splotches prickling up my neck just thinking about round two. But when I saw the remains of two torn-up pillowcases on the bed and remembering those curtains on the floor, I turned my gaze back on Edythe - she still wasn't looking at me.
"Um…did we do all this?" I asked with a nervous laugh. She didn't answer me but spun around and gave me a severe look.
"Edythe?" I said her name again, hurrying to the closet and digging through the suitcase housekeeping had brought in for us earlier yesterday and found a pair of blue plaid boxer shorts which I quickly pulled on before coming up to Edythe. I took her shoulders from behind, feeling the smooth seams of the white lace nightgown below my fingertips. She turned around to face me and her back went stiff, something between horror and disgust flashing in her eyes as she looked me up and down from head to foot and for a second there I was worried she regretted last night; that she regretted me. "Is this about last night?" I asked nervously, kind of fearing her answer. "I'm really sorry, Edythe. I know I'm no good at that sort of thing yet, but I-"
"How badly are you hurt?" she cut me off, pressing her lips together so they made a hard line.
"What?" I asked, blinking.
"Come here." She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bathroom.
"Just look at yourself." She said, her voice cracking in disgust.
"Huh?" I gawked, turning my gaze to the full-length mirror and spinning around once, twice, three times. There were patches of purplish-black-blue dotting different parts of my body – the tops of my arms, my shoulders, my back, my neck, everywhere. Suddenly, I felt a throbbing sensation first in my right leg and then my left, making my knees buckle below me and I quickly rolled up the hems of my boxer shorts and saw two large black-blue masses of skin on either side of my thighs. I didn't even remember how I'd gotten the bruises there; how I'd gotten them anywhere actually, because nothing really hurt for me yesterday. In fact, I felt almost invincible, if not just a little inexperienced. "What the-?" I muttered in confusion. I closed my eyes to try and remember, and then it came back to me in twos: First, I matched the small, cloud-shaped marks on my body to every new sensation that sparked in my memory - yes, her lips were on mine, on my skin... they moved down over here, then over there and back again. And her hands... my fingers drifted over all the black-blue places she touched me last night and I felt the memory striking me again with a newfound strength: hot, cold, miraculous, raw. Perfect in their own way, all new to me. And then I remembered her legs wrapped around mine, her beautiful body over and under and all over my own... and then I could feel the red rushing back to my cheeks. "Right." I whispered in the quietest voice, scared to say the words out loud because if I did, then it never happened; like I was still dreaming. Only I wasn't, and I still had yet to wrap my head around that. It was a night I would never, ever forget, the night when Edythe had made me hers; the night when I had made her mine. And I smiled.
But then I heard Edythe let out a snarl, wild with agony. She flung the bathroom door open so it slammed hard into the wall and then she left the room without a word, pushing past me to get out of there and I didn't know what to do, freezing on the spot as my jaw fell open. "Hey! Edythe! Wait up!" I finally managed to call after her and followed her into the kitchen. She threw a decorative blue glass bowl off the counter and it shattered at my feet. It stopped me in my tracks with a resounding CRASH! and I stumbled backwards trying to avoid it.
"I'm sorry." She said immediately afterwards and ran up to me, pushing me back and stopping me from stepping anywhere near the broken glass. She lifted me up into her arms like I was a 5-year-old so I wouldn't cut up my feet and sat me down gently in one of the wicker chairs in the living room, taking a seat opposite of me in a matching one.
"Are you going to tell me what that was all about?" I motioned to the remains of the pretty bowl and brought my palms in towards me to lay flat up on my lap. She bit her lip and her eyes fell.
"Didn't you see?" she asked severely. "I hurt you."
"What, these?" I scoffed. "They're nothing, Edythe. I feel totally fine. In fact, I feel pretty amazing, actually." I leaned over and took her hands in mine, stroking her knuckles. "I didn't even know they were there. Honest." I shrugged, trying to reassure her. "It just takes a little practice, you know. I'm learning at the exact same time you are. We can try again tonight; or even right now-" I started but she yanked her hands away and rose to her feet.
"I can't believe you're seriously asking me that right now, Beau. While you slept I – I counted all the literal bruises I left on your body." Her lip quivered and she shook her head. "And then I thought to myself: that's all monsters are good for – hurting people." She trembled, wrapping her arms over her chest. "I told you I was the villain." She sniffed and bit her lip.
I stood up. "Hey, hey, hey. Just stop it, Edythe. You are not a monster. You are good. You are so good." I held her face between my hands and kissed her in the space between her eyes. She reached for my hand and looked up at me, but then her gaze began to wander; hunting out and hovering over all the bruises on my body. The biggest ones were probably on my thighs, and her expression darkened when she saw them again.
"I know what you're thinking," I began, tugging down the hems of my boxers as far as they could go. "But I feel 100% fine." I motioned to myself from head to foot. "For example, it's like I finally got a tan somewhere for once in life! That's a huge achievement for me, you know." I tried in hopes of lifting her spirits some. She smiled then, letting out the sweet, silvery sound of a chuckle, and my god, what I'd do to keep that expression forever on that beautiful face of hers. I pulled her to my chest and she wrapped her arms around me but just barely and super gently, afraid she'd break me again.
"Thanks, Beau." She whispered into my chest. "But it's still going to be a "no" from now on, at least until I figure out how to better control myself or until you want me to change you." I opened my mouth to speak but she stopped me, probably knowing exactly what I was going to say. "But I don't want to do that to you, either. You don't understand - I'm wishing every day for you to change your mind about that, Beau." She hugged me just a little bit tighter. "Please promise me you'll seriously think about it a little more." She pleaded, looking up into my face. I nodded. "I promise." I said, wanting to reassure her.
"Good." She finished and stroked my cheek before going back to the kitchen again. She cleaned up all the broken glass in two seconds flat and went to the fridge. "I'll make you breakfast. How does that sound?"
"You actually know how to cook?" I asked, raising my eyebrows teasingly at her. She gave me that look again, narrowing her eyes and pouting very slightly and I chuckled.
"Of course I do, dummy." She laughed. "Just never had a reason to put my expertise to the test until you came along. I've been perfecting my skills ever since." She smiled at me.
"Thanks. But let me help you." I came up behind her, pressing my torso to her back and wrapped my arms around her, kissing her neck.
"Quit it. You're distracting me." She said, playfully shoving me away but leaving a kiss on my lips. "Go cut up some onions and the red and green peppers. I'm making you an omelet." She motioned her spatula towards the refrigerator and I did what I was told. Pulling all the requested ingredients out from the bottom drawers of the fridge, I arranged them neatly on the cutting board. "Yes, chef." I said with a laugh, taking up the knife.
…
"This looks so good." I said as she set the sizzling plate of omelet down in front of me. Taking up a fork and knife, I dug into the steaming pile of eggs, cheese, and vegetables. It was delicious and I told her so. She was sitting down beside me, resting her chin on her hand as she watched me eat. She liked to do that. Took a little getting used to when we first met but now, I actually find it kind of – I don't know, comforting, I guess? Maybe a little flattering too, because that means I probably don't look like an uncivilized pig scarfing down all my food and it was a nice thought.
"Oh, speaking of food, I might go down to the mainland to hunt for a little bit. Guess I'm a little hungry now too, watching you wolfing down that omelet I made." She laughed and took my hand from across the table.
"But you just went a few days ago, right? With your sisters." I remembered their little bachelorette "party" and smiled at the memory of the day which suddenly seemed so far away; before we started this strange, exciting, brand-new chapter of our life – marriage. She nodded her head. "That's true." She said, shrugging her shoulders. I could tell there was something else she wanted to say too, but I had a feeling I knew it already. She tends to go hunting when she gets a little wound up; stressed out – it was a time for reflection, a time for re-evaluation. Plus, you get a snack out if it. I just hoped she wasn't re-evaluating her choice to marry me, though. I swallowed, the thought filling me with a strange, guttural feeling of dread but then I stopped myself. I knew I was being ridiculous. "Okay." I finally said, sighing. I brought the empty plate to the sink and began to wash it. "So, I guess that means I'll see you in a little bit?" I asked.
"I'll be back before you know it. I promise." She assured me then came up to my side and wrapped her arms around my torso, giving me another kiss; one to remember her by while she was away. I have to admit, it hurt just a little – you know, her leaving me alone on the second day of our honeymoon and all. But I also knew that I shouldn't take it personally. I eyed my bruises again - they did feel kind of tender, and I sighed. We knew this was going to be difficult - I just don't want her to blame herself. She got dressed real quick and I waved her off, watching as she disappeared across the water. Sighing, I flopped myself down on the couch in the living room and turned on the TV, awaiting her return.
…
"Hey." She said, her cool hand gently resting on my bare shoulder. It was like I got caught up in some time loop, waking up from the nap I must've been taking and it was already nighttime, like I woke up in another dimension. I took in the familiar paned windows and looked outside them to where the water shone a dark blue under the shadow of the full moon. I had a blanket over me, one I didn't remember being there earlier. I rubbed at my eyes in the dark, and they finally focused in on Edythe's form hovering above me and I saw she was looking at me with soft eyes, almost sorry it seemed, for waking me. I threw my arms around her like she was a mom coming home to a little kid – that would be me – who missed her after a long day at work.
"Edythe! You're back." I whispered excitedly, squeezing her shoulders.
She sat down beside me and kissed my hair. "Sorry for waking you. I just didn't want you to go hungry, missing dinner and all." Her comment prompted me to take a whiff of the air and I followed the scent of something savory - meat I think, with hints of garlic and salt and pepper - to the lit-up kitchen not too far away. "I made you burgers. Seasoned them and grilled them myself." She said almost proudly, giving me a little smile. "Really? You shouldn't have, thank you. I wish I could cook something for you." I said with a rueful smile, knowing whatever dish I made for her, no matter how good it was, would do nothing to curb her appetite. Can you, like, season blood or something? I sighed.
"What's wrong?" she asked, touching my cheek.
"I just wish-" I started, but held my tongue.
"Wish what?" she asked seriously, her eyebrows furrowing like she was afraid of what I was going to say next. I squeezed her hand.
"I just wish I could do more for you. Like, I feel like you do everything for me, and I have nothing to give you."
"Hey. Don't say that, Beau." I felt her cool hands on my shoulders again and she gave them a small shake. "You love me for who I am; you love me for what I am. Even when I couldn't do that myself. Even when I still can't do that myself. And that's everything to me, Beau. How can I make you understand just how truly precious you are to me?" Her voice grew louder, more forceful and I leaned her head on my chest.
"Thank you." I said into her hair.
"I should be the one saying that to you." Her lips came up to meet mine. Then, she pulled away; looked at me. She sighed, but the obvious sadness in her voice was now masked by a teasing tone. "Now hurry up and eat, before your food gets cold." She said, and gave my shoulders a playful shove.
"Yes, mom." I said with a smirk, wanting to make her smile for real again.
"Watch it." She answered, waggling a finger at me.
"You're right – grandma's lot more accurate a term."
"That's not even funny." She said, but laughed – a real, genuine kind- anyways. I did get a good smack on my back for it though.
I got up and went into the kitchen with Edythe following closely behind me, as if making up for lost time. On the kitchen counter, there were two slider-sized burgers, the reddish brown of the grease and juices of the meat patties melting into each other and perched atop crisp, toasty golden buns pressed lightly on the grill. My eyes widened and I think I literally began to drool. Quickly, I brought one of the burgers up to my mouth and sunk my teeth into it. There was an explosion of flavor in my mouth as the warm burger juices dripped down my chin and onto the white plate below, making dots of pinkish-red on it.
"Is it good?" she asked smilingly so I'm sure she already knew the answer.
"Um, yeah." I nodded deeply and polished off the rest of the food with a voracious appetite. I guess I was a lot hungrier than I realized, and I was glad she woke me up. Her dimples gave away her bright smile and, struck once again by her beauty, I just froze and stood there with my mouth chock-full of burger like some sort of uncivilized brute and I realized she didn't need to be seeing me like this. Quickly, I forced down the whole chunk of meat and bread and dabbed at my lips with a napkin before rinsing my mouth out with a swig of orange juice. I took my empty plate and all but ran to the kitchen sink at top speed and started scrubbing really hard at a spot I'm sure I didn't see on it before and busied myself with this totally, definitely, and most important task in the world so I wouldn't look like a caveman.
"Quit it. You're so high-strung all the time, Beau." Her eyes crinkled round the edges and she was suppressing a laugh, bringing her beautiful fingers in towards her chin to go over the soft pink of her lips. "Pretty sure it's had enough, don't you?" she asked, snatching the plate from my hands and holding it high above my head. I reached for it in vain - she zoomed it right outside of my reach every time as I chased her around the kitchen before finally putting it down with the rest of our dishes in the cabinet with the soft scraping of glass-on-glass. She slammed the cabinet doors shut, smirking at me and she let out a low, devious little chuckle, obviously enjoying giving me a very hard time. "You're gonna pay for that!" In retaliation, I followed the sound of her ringing laughter and chased her down the hall and right into our freshly-made bedroom. All the curtains, sheets, and pillows had been replaced – housekeeping must've come by when I was conked out earlier– and I tackled her, pouncing on her with my arms outstretched so we tumbled onto the bed, breathless with laughter. I brought my lips to hers and covered them with my own so they met again and again. She still had on her clothes from hunting today and she smelled of fresh sea breeze and trees. Quickly, I unzipped her pale gray leather jacket and pulled her white V-neck over her head, leaving a trail of kisses from her neck down to her belly button but just as I reached for the top button of her charcoal-gray jeans, she caught my wrist.
"Stop that, Beau." She started between two breaths. It took everything in me to pull my hand away.
"What's wrong?" it was my turn to ask that now.
"I said no more. As in, no more of this, remember? I can't."
"But you promised we'd try-"
"And we did." She shook her head. "But you got hurt." She gently pushed me off of her and sat us both up. My shoulders hunched forward and sagged below my weight like a deflated balloon.
"So, you're just… I don't know, never going to touch me again?" I asked with a nervous chuckle, those unattractive red splotches again heating up my neck and face. She let out a sigh. Her cool hands trailed up my arms and situated themselves directly over the purple-blue handprints on my skin. A perfect match.
"Look where that got you." Her dimples folded in on themselves in a tight, troubled frown, like her teeth were clenched behind her lips.
"I feel just fine. Quit being so hard up on yourself." I protested, my voice growing louder without my realizing it until after I said the words. She let out a little huff.
"I'm doing this for you." She finished almost coldly, staring me down with her beautiful angry eyes. But then her hard gaze softened, like she felt bad for being angry with me, and she scrubbed a hand over her face before turning to me again. She took both my hands in hers, bringing them up to her lips before brushing a light kiss onto each of them.
"It's getting late. You need sleep." Right. Because my having been asleep all day meant I needed even more sleep. I sighed. She let go of me then, grabbing her nightclothes and I realized sadly that that meant she was actually going to be wearing them tonight.
"I'm going to go take a shower. I'll be right back." She said, and disappeared behind that flimsy bathroom door, slamming it shut behind her and turning the lock. Letting out a long sigh, I flopped down backwards onto the sheets; my limbs stretched out towards all four corners of the bed in an attempt to make it feel just a little less empty.