This was not how Reigen had envisioned his Sunday going.
He had planned to sleep in, go for a walk, maybe stop by the plant store, and then possibly stop by the bar after that before tucking in for some semi expensive ramen and semi trashy TV before heading to bed and waiting for Monday to happen. What he hadn't planned for, though, was waking up to someone trying to break down his door.
Or winding up on the floor, either.
"Master Reigen! Are you home!?" it sounded like Mob…Mob pounding on his door. Mob waking him up at…he tugged his phone by the charger until it fell from his nightstand. Mob waking him up at this ungodly hour and…twenty three missed calls?
Something was happening.
Reigen jumped to his feet and grabbed some pajama pants from the pile of semi clean clothes on his computer chair. He jumped into them as he ran to the door. Knowing Mob this had to have been important, he didn't just show up for no reason…actually, he had never shown up before. Reigen wasn't entirely sure how Mob even knew where he lived…he could worry about that later. Right now he had to see what was going on.
He braced himself for the worst.
What he should have braced himself for was the coffee table. He bashed his shin into it as he hopped across the floor. Why did he have to buy one at shin height? When whatever this was, whatever cataclysm Mob had found himself in, was over he was going to Ikea and getting himself a newer, higher table. Or at least one without sharp corners…or any corners…would a round table look good.
He'd worry about Mob now and interior decorating later.
"Master-oh, there you are." Said Mob as Reigen threw the door opened. He had been prepared for anything. Fire, kidnapping, another attempt at taking over the world…hell, even a papercut would have made more sense than what he was looking at. Mob, Ritsu, and Teru standing there in their pajamas along with another redheaded kid who looked like he had gotten into a fight with a pack of cats and lost.
A very familiar looking redheaded kid.
"Yeah, here I am. The question is, though, what are you all doing here?" asked Reigen as he rubbed his shin. They didn't look panicked. Underdressed, sure, but not panicked. None of them, even the redheaded kid. Hell, he was the one who must have been in some kind of horrific pain, if that was bone Reigen was seeing, but all he was doing was peering past Reigen to look into his apartment.
Nosy kid.
"Well? Don't everyone start talking at once." Said Reigen as they all shared a glance. Mob had looked like he had been about to say something but Teru nudged him. Sho looked like he has something to say, but to the redheaded kid. He was practically glaring at him. Ritsu was holding him back, it looked like…
Reigen decided that this was a cataclysm, but probably not of the world ending variety.
"Reigen, I think that maybe you should sit down before we tell you anything." Said Teru
"Maybe put your head between your knees and take a few deeps breaths." Said Ritsu
"And do you have anything to drink? You're probably going to need one." Said Sho
"Yeah, that's not ominous at all." Said Reigen
"That's good, we don't want to be ominous, or scare you. This is just something that I think you might have trouble believing so Teru's right. And Ritsu. And Sho too, maybe, even though they said at school that drinking was bad for you." said Mob. Reigen sighed and stepped to the side.
"Come on in, everyone, let's just get this over with." Said Reigen. The redheaded kid practically ran inside, kicking his shoes off as he passed through the genkan. He faced them the right way, though, with his powers…and now things were really coming together for Reigen…
A cataclysm, one of the psychic variety, but not a world ending one. Not for anyone but Sho, anyway.
Reigen watched as the redheaded kid went right for his TV. He stared at it, poked it a couple of times, and then started running his hands along the sides…and he would address that in a minute. He shut the door as the rest of the kids filed in, Teru coming in last and making sure to face everyone's shoes the right way. There was a solemn atmosphere that seemed to trail around him, like he was on his way to a funeral. It was better than the one that seemed to follow Sho. He felt like he was on his way to a fight. Ritsu just seemed tired and Mob….
It was hard to get a read on Mob.
He cleared off some space on Reigen's couch. Without even a flick of his wrist Reigen's books flew from the couch to his shelves, hit coat launched it's self from the couch to the hook, and even the remote found it's way from inside of the cushions. Even his throw pillows arranged themselves nicely on the couch in a way that he was sure Mrs. Kageyama and all the other mothers of the world would have approved of. Mob's efforts were quickly undone by Sho physically dragging the redheaded kid away from the TV and shoving him onto the couch.
"Stay there and don't touch anything." Said Sho. The redheaded kid looked towards Mob who shook his head.
"You shouldn't touch other people's things." Said Mob, his voice as unreadable as ever.
"But that's-" said the redheaded kid.
"It's just a TV, don't be weird." Said Sho. The redheaded kid began to point and sputter.
"That is NOT a television. First of all it's shaped wrong, and there's no room for the innards, and second of all…or rather third! Third of all it's too big! My television isn't even as big as that and father made sure to get the largest television that he could find. That cannot possibly be-" said the redheaded kid.
"It's been thirty years. TVs are different now." said Ritsu. Reigen raised an eyebrow. That seemed like something he was going to have to ask about…that and the fact that the kid pulled a pen out of his pocket and wrote something down on what little skin was left on his arm.
"Extremely large and thin televisions…" muttered the kid as he wrote. Sho reached over and snatched the pen out of his hand before throwing it across the room. Reigen winced as he heard it hit one of his flower pots. That better not have been his indoor succulent, those were so delicate…ok, right, the kids were in trouble. He had to be the adult here and he had to keep his priorities in order.
"Guys-" said Reigen. He barely got a single word out. The redheaded kid had picked up a pen from the table and was trying to write on himself again. Sho snatched that pen out of his hand too. There was a brief glaring match between the two of them. Reigen felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He assumed that psychic powers were also involved in whatever was happening between them…he looked wearily around his apartment.
He knew that he was supposed to have his priorities in order but, yeah, he also had to live here and he preferred that his home wasn't a smoldering pile of rubble by the end of this.
"Cut that out! You're going to give yourself an infection and then you'll die and I'll never be born!" said Sho. Reigen raised the other eyebrow.
"But wait, if you're still here then doesn't that mean that he won't die and you'll still be born? And we get him home?" asked Mob
"No, it might just be that there's a chance that we get him home. Like a probability thing. Like in that movie where the guy's siblings disappeared before he did." Said Ritsu
"Sho's the firstborn though, him and then his little sister." Said Mob
"That's not how time works, it's just a-a-a bunch of things that happen and you can't change them. Like in the second Terminator movie where the guy is only the hero guy because in the first movie the terminator came back and told the lady that he would be the hero guy." Said Sho
"Wait, there are other Terminator movies?" asked the redheaded kid. Reigen opened his mouth but then shut it. This didn't seem like the kind of thing that he wanted or needed to be involved in. Something was going on and…and they better not have woken him up to debate the Terminator movies.
"Too many." Muttered Teru
"Not enough." Said Sho
"Just the right amount." Said Ritsu
"I don't like those kinds of movies." Said Mob
"What are you? Secretly eighty or something?" asked Sho, earning himself a glare from Ritsu.
"No, I just don't like movies where people get hurt. I like movies where people fall in love with each other but at first they don't realize it, then they do, then they break up, but then they get together in the end." Said Mob
"Are you secretly a girl or something?" asked the redheaded kid
"Leave my brother alone. He can like whatever he wants to like." Said Ritsu. If looks could kill he would have earned himself twenty five to life.
"Why are you so-" said Sho, running a hand through his hair and kicking Reigen's couch. Teru stepped in and pulled him back, seemingly with his powers, though Reigen couldn't tell for certain. He was barely a psychic, for all he knew the kids were having an entire battle right in front of him…he looked around. Probably not.
The room was still standing.
"I think that we may be getting a little off topic here." Said Teru, raising his hands and lowering them in the universal gesture of 'knock it off'. Reigen was with him, he could feel the mother of all headaches coming on.
"Guys, listen-" said Reigen. At least this was some kind of progress. He'd managed to get two whole words out that time before he was unceremoniously interrupted.
"Right, yeah, ok. Back to Terminator. So time works like that and even if you try to change it you can't, like in the third movie how-" said Sho
"Wait, wait, wait. So they make three Terminator movies? But how? The robot at the end was destroyed and-" said the redheaded kid. Reigen couldn't take another word of this. He could feel his temples pounding and his ears ringing. He loved the kids as if they were his own, or at least a bunch of close cousins, but enough was enough. First they woke him up acting like the world was ending, then they got all cryptic, and now they, or at least Sho, were destroying his apartment because they couldn't agree to disagree about the goddamned Terminator movies?
Yeah. No.
"Guys! Enough!" shouted Reigen. He heard some banging coming from the ceiling. Hopefully his neighbors were just moving furniture and not getting ready to file a noise complaint. If they did, though, it would have been semi worth it. The kids were quiet, at least, even the weird redheaded one.
Not Sho, the one who looked like and was most likely related to him.
"Everyone, listen up. I can't listen to another second of this. If you want to talk about movies then, I don't know, do it at Mob's house. If you want my help with something then tell me right now what's going on." Said Reigen. They all looked at each other and began to talk at once. Everyone but the new kid, he reached out and used his powers to grab the pen that Sho had taken from him. It didn't quite make it but Sho, and everyone else, were too busy talking over each other to notice.
"Hey-" said Reigen
"-more like the Time Machine, maybe, that book they made us read in first year-" said Mob
"Guys-" said Reigen
"-I mean a little bit of fire could-" said Sho
"Everyone-" said Reigen
"-left him in the woods, then we all could have been doing literally anything else-" said Teru
"One at a time!" shouted Reigen. They were all quiet. He hated it, raising his voice like this, but nothing else was getting through to them. At least now he had silence…near silence. The other redhead was muttering as he scrawled something out on his leg.
"….extremely small apartments….extremely sweaty people…." Muttered the other kid. Reigen sighed and pointed to Mob.
"Mob, explain to me right now what's going on. Mob and only Mob." Said Reigen. Ritsu and Teru looked at each other. Sho glared at the new kid and tried to snatch his pen away. He deflected at the very last second…and Reigen decided not to get involved in whatever that was all about. Mob was gathering his thoughts.
Nothing good ever came of Mob gathering his thoughts like this.
"Master Reigen….you're not going to believe this." Said Mob, finally, after way too much deliberation. Reigen pulled his coffee table towards himself and sat down.
"Just give it to me straight." Said Reigen. Mob nodded.
"Alright. We came here today because we need your help." Said Mob
"That much is obvious." Said Reigen, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't help. Something heavy settled in the atmosphere around them. He braced himself for the worst. He had no idea what the worst was but he was prepared to do whatever needed to be done.
It wasn't like he hadn't ran headfirst into danger for these kids before.
"Do you know anything about time travel?" asked Mob suddenly. Reigen resisted the urge to clean out his ears. That couldn't have been right. If it had been anyone other than Mob he would have assumed that they had been messing with him. Mob didn't mess around like that. Ritsu, maybe. Sho, definitely. Teru, well he liked to pretend that he was above such immaturity but Reigen knew him.
Mob, no. He was serious.
"Why do you need to know about time travel?" asked Reigen, making sure not to betray anything that he was feeling. Why couldn't this have just been another attempt at taking over the world? Reigen knew how to deal with those.
"Because we have to figure out how to get Touichirou back to his own time." Said Mob
"Tou-ichi-who now?" asked Reigen
"Touichirou. Sho's dad." Said Mob
"Me." said the redheaded kid…Touichirou….that kid looked just like him. Suzuki. Reigen knew that he hadn't forgotten, and would never forget, the face of the man who had almost killed him. That was…that could have been his son…
"That's Touichirou and we have to figure out how to get him back to 1986 before Sho disappears…oh! And his little sister, too, his half sister. I forget about her because we don't really hang out with her because she's a little kid and we don't have a lot in common with her but she would disappear too. Also maybe this timeline would fall apart because he's gone. Or maybe we do get him back because the timeline hasn't fallen apart. We aren't sure yet, we don't know which movie is happening right now." said Mob. Reigen nodded. He reached for his cigarettes…and no, they weren't in his pocket. He was wearing a t-shirt.
Somehow that was the most ridiculous thing. Him sitting there in his pajamas.
"Mob…how much of what you just told me is true?" asked Reigen. This couldn't have been real. This was, to borrow from a movie he had rented way too many times, heavy. Mob wasn't the type of person to mess with him like that but…but there was no way in hell that time travel of all things was real.
Psychic powers? Yeah. Spirits? You bet. Time travel? Get out of town.
"Every word of it. We found Touichirou by the side of the road and we brought him home-" said Mob
"Wait, what? You found him by the side of the road and you just carried him home? Why didn't you take him to the hospital? Or call someone?" asked Reigen. Mob got that look again, that pensive look. The others looked like they were dying to say something. Sho was practically jumping out of his skin. Reigen looked at them and shook his head. The last thing he needed was another long debate about nonsense.
He'd heard enough nonsense already.
"Taking him home seemed like the right thing to do." Said Mob, finally. Reigen wanted to bang his head against the wall until he forgot what he just heard.
"Mob….alright. Next time you find someone passed out on the side of the road you tell someone. Anyone. You don't just bring them home. What if he had died?" asked Reigen
"I think that then we would have had to bury him and find his family and it would have been really hard and sad and I probably wouldn't have wanted to talk to anyone for a long time." Said Mob
"Why? People die all the time…and it's not as though you could have found my parents anyway." Said the kid…Touichirou? Touichirou Jr.? The kid sitting on Reigen's couch and writing some kind of important notation down on his leg.
"I still would have been sad even though people die all the time and…actually I don't know what we would have done since your house isn't there anymore…probably called Master Reigen." Said Mob
"Why do you call him 'Master' since you're clearly more powerful than he is. You're at my level, actually, if I were at full strength…is that considered powerful these days or-" said Touichirou
"Only Mob gets to talk right now. Mob, talk. Keep walking me through what happened." Said Reigen with a snap of his fingers.
"Ok. So after we brought him home we kind of watched him all night and then he woke up and broke Ritsu's room so I had to-" said Mob
"He told us that he was Sho's father and he went forward in time and we didn't know what to do or who to involve so we came here." Said Teru quickly, ignoring the whole 'only Mob can talk' rule. Reigen decided to let this one slide since what was happens was just plain…bizarre.
That was a good word for it.
There were two options. The first one being that time travel was real and everything that Reigen knew about existence was a lie. Time was fixed, everything was fixed, and people had no power to change their predetermined paths. Who had set those paths he didn't know…and now he suddenly had the urge to go to that weird church his father had run off to….
Option two sounded much better.
Option two being, of course, that the kid was lying as kids tended to do. They didn't call it middle school syndrome for nothing after all and the kid looked about that age. Mob was a nice kid, he would have believed anything. As for the other three…he didn't know…but he did know that option two made a hell of a lot more sense and brought about a hell of a lot fewer existential crises than option one did.
Option two it was.
"Uh-huh. He said so." Said Reigen with a shake of his head.
"He did. I was there." Said Mob
"And you all believe this?" asked Reigen. That earned him another round of shouting. Everyone was trying to talk over everyone else again, but this time Reigen was ready. He was the adult here, he was the one in control, and he was the only one not gullible enough to fall for this. The kids had been right to come to him. Someone had to set them straight.
Though, sometimes, he wished that it could have been their actual parents.
"Listen-" said Reigen, trying not to raise his voice too much. Clearly the gentle approach wasn't going to work.
"-we just set a little fire and then sneak into the power plant-" said Sho
"Be quiet!" shouted Reigen. Instantly he got silence. He felt terrible, of course, but he had gotten silence. Maybe this was what his parents had meant by 'this hurts us more than it hurts you'. Of course as a cheeky kid he had asked why nobody getting hurt wasn't an option. Now he knew why.
Because sometimes people just wouldn't listen!
"Alright, good. Now as I was saying…time travel isn't real and this kid is messing with you…only Mob gets to talk!" said Reigen before the cacophony could start up again.
"It's real." Said Mob and the kid who claimed to be Touichirou said at once. They looked at each other. Something passed between them, something that made the hair on the back of Reigen's neck stand up again.
"This is real, it happened, and now we need your help to get him home." Said Teru, taking his chance to break the one rule Reigen had put down.
"You too Teru?" asked Reigen
"He's telling the truth. We all are. We…kind of need your help." Said Ritsu, practically spitting his words out towards the end.
"Ritsu, I thought that you were smarter than that. I mean come on, all of you, think about this for five seconds. If time travel was real, and invented whenever this kid says that he came from-" said Reigen
"I came from the year 1986, and my name is Suzuki Touichirou. You may call me Suzuki." Said the kid. Reigen rolled his eyes.
"Master Reigen is really nice, and wise, and a good friend. You should let him call you by your given name." whispered Mob. The kid rolled his eyes.
"Fine, if that is how things are done in this time period. You may have the privilege of calling me Touichirou…even though my own best friend does not even address me as such." Said the kid
"Will you stop calling Fukuda your best friend? Fukuda is the guy who first got me started-" said Sho
"See? That's really Sho's father and we really need your help." Said Teru
"…we really do." Muttered Ritsu, glaring at him the whole time. Reigen, at some point, would address the lingering and one sided animosity between the two of them. Right now he had to set everyone straight.
"You don't need my help. There is no way, no way at all, that this kid comes from 1986 and even if he did then what in the hell would he be doing here? If this really is Sho's dad then he'd probably be off trying to take over the world, not hanging out here with you guys." Said Reigen
"What's wrong with hanging out with us?" asked Mob, looking genuinely hurt. Reigen quickly back peddled.
"Nothing, I just meant-" said Reigen
"I am here to take over the world. I came to the future to see how it is that I take over the world so I could take notes, come back to my own time, and then take over the world. It's a very simple mission when you get to it. Stealing library books is more difficult." Said Touichirou
"Those are free, you don't have to steal them." said Mob
"They don't let you take out more than five at a time, which is not nearly enough books, especially when you have to do research." Said Touichirou
"God, even when you were my age you were evil." Said Sho
"I'm not-" said Touichirou
"Alright! That's enough about library books, don't steal those by the way because it makes things more difficult for other people-" said Reigen
"I don't care about other people." Said Touichirou. Sho looked like he was ready to hit him. Ritsu held him back. Teru just looked like he wanted to lay down and die. So far Mob was the only one taking whatever the hell this was well.
"Yeah, that's obvious." Said Sho
"ANYWAY, listen, think about this. If this is really Sho's father then why would he go forward in time? Why not just go back in time and take over the world then? He'd know exactly what was going to happen before it happened, it would have been incredibly easy to manipulate world events and make himself the ruler of the world." Said Reigen. Surely that must have been thing to get through to them…well, they were paying attention. Some of them just a little too much. He was being stared at. The kid…Touichirou…Reigen did not like the way that the kid was looking at him…
Reigen knew that he would never forget the face, the eyes, of the man who tried to kill him.
"I hadn't thought of it…as through as you had. I had considered going backwards but came to the conclusion that there was too much potential of undoing my own existence. It was a very precarious and specific set of events which brought my parents together and I know what would have happened if I had disturbed it. Also, I have no desire to accidentally make my mother fall in love with me and then have to set her up with my father." Said Touichirou. Now he was the one being stared at.
"What?" asked Touichirou
"Kid, quick question. Have you ever seen Back to the Future?" asked Reigen
"Yes. I've seen that movie twenty two times in the theatre and another forty one times on laserdisc. Twice on VHS, but I consider that a waste of my time and precious lifeforce." Said Touichirou
"So you have no life at all?" asked Ritsu. Mob put his hand on his shoulder and shook his head sadly.
"I have a life, it's a life spent doing what I enjoy whenever I enjoy it…when my parents allow me to and I don't have a time conflict with school or Fukuda." Said Touichirou
"Brother, be nice. He's having a very hard time…and also you've seen all of One Piece so I don't think that you have any room to criticize people about how much TV they watch." Said Mob
"Hey, hey, none of this. OK, so you watch way too much TV. We've established this, now we just have to establish who the fu-who you are. I really don't think you came back-" said Reigen
"Forward. I went forward in time." Said Touichirou. Reigen ran a hand through his hair. If this had been adult then he could have just asked to see his ID and worked from there…but kids didn't carry IDs. What did they even have? Library cards?
As Reigen had learned from that time he lost his ID and tried to head to the bar, library cards were not a valid form of ID.
"Alright, forward. I don't think that you did so just…I don't know. Can you prove who you are?" asked Reigen. He got the feeling that, if the kid hadn't been surrounded by other espers, Reigen would have been killed right there on the spot. He knew that he would never forget that face…but what made a hell of a lot more sense was that this was just another one of Suzuki's bastard kids. Time travel wasn't real. It couldn't have been.
"I shouldn't have to. I'd imagine that at this point I'm the unquestioned lord and master of the world and possibly the universe. Have we mastered interstellar travel yet or are we just restricted to one or two mars colonies?" asked Touichirou, his eyes lighting up with what looked more like childlike glee than evil glee. Huh. He actually looked like a normal kid there.
"Should I tell him?" asked Ritsu
"He's my dad and I'll tell him." said Sho. Teru started to panic, Reigen could see it in his eyes. It was so bad even Mob noticed, though that might have been one of those aura things.
"Tell me what?" asked Touichirou
"That-" said Sho
"We don't have any mars colonies or even any moon colonies. We're fully stuck on earth. I don't even think that we send people to the moon anymore." Said Teru quickly. Reigen watched with baited breath as the whole of human emotion crossed that kid's face. He almost wanted to hug him…almost. His coffee table split down the middle in a shower of wood splinters. Mob put a barrier up, which Reigen was grateful for, though it was difficult to maintain that gratitude when his neighbors got back to banging on their walls and ceilings…and also he needed a new coffee table now and he didn't think his odds of finding another one in the trash, and in good condition, were very high.
"You should be more careful, Touichirou." said Mob
"No I shouldn't. I don't want to be careful…I don't even want to be here. Clearly I have failed as a world leader. I thought that I would make the world a better place when I came to power. Clearly the adult version of myself is a moron." Said Touichirou
"Yeah, I can agree with you there." Said Sho
"So clearly my only course of action is to kill him and take his place." Said Touichirou. Reigen needed a cigarette more in that moment than he had ever needed one before in his entire life. The kids didn't seem much better. Mob looked horrified, Teru was right there beside him, Ritsu was hanging his head in his hands, and Sho…Reigen didn't even know how to classify the look that had crossed his face.
"Why are you like this? Were you born fucked up or-" said Sho
"How about before we start trying to destroy the space time continuum we at least get some proof as to you being who you say you are." Said Reigen
"Such as?" asked Touichirou
"Uh…I don't know…what's your favorite color?" asked Reigen. Alright, yeah, that had been lame but there was nothing else that he could think up off the top of his head.
"Red." Said Touichirou. Reigen looked towards Sho. He shrugged.
"Why the hell would I know my Dad's favorite color?" asked Sho. That was…a good point. Reigen didn't even know his Dad's favorite color, though in his defense his Dad had ran away to join the new church…thing…when Reigen had been really little. He didn't know what sons were supposed to know about their fathers.
"Ok then how about…what's your birthday?" asked Reigen
"When." Said Ritsu
"Fine. When is your birthday, person who is possibly Suzuki Touichirou." said Reigen sarcastically.
"March 17th, 1973." Said Touichirou. Again Reigen looked to Sho. Again, Sho wasn't helpful.
"Why the fuck would I know my Dad's birthday? We never even celebrated my birthday let alone his." Said Sho as Ritsu took his hand. Mob looked as horrified as Reigen felt. Yeah…that sounded like the kind of thing that could have fucked a person up badly enough that they spent their entire life building up a criminal empire so they could take over the world.
"Birthdays are for women, children, and people who you don't expect to live for very long." Said Touichirou
"I'm so sorry that happened to you." said Mob softly. It looked like there were even tears collecting at the corners of his eyes…
Yeah, no, time to move on.
"You know what, how about an easy one, yeah? What are your parents' names?" asked Reigen. Surely Sho should have known that. Reigen had never even met his grandparents but he at least knew their names, both on his mother's side and his father's side.
"My father's name is Suzuki Yoshio and my mother's name is Suzuki Abigail. Father calls her Abi. I have no idea what her family name was before she was married." Said Touichirou. Reigen, carefully, looked towards Sho. Everyone did.
He just kicked what was left of the coffee table.
"Who knows their grandparents names?" asked Sho as he kicked the pieces of the table again, harder, and this time sending little bits of wood across the room where Reigen would inevitably step on them the next time he walked around barefoot.
"Our grandma is named Asuna and grandpa was named Shoyo, that's mom's dad. That's all I remember." Said Mob
"Dad's dad was Hikari and Mom's mom was Ai." Said Ritsu
"Oh, thank you, brother. You're a lot better at remembering things than I am." Said Mob
"I'm not that much better." said Ritsu
"Well, it's easy to remember your grandparents when you've met them, I'd imagine." said Teru, glaring daggers at the kid who called himself Touichirou…who Reigen had no way of proving wasn't the same Suzuki Touichirou who tried to take over the world…damn it, Sho!
"My grandfather is, was, named Sadao and my grandmother's name was Mimi. I have no idea what my mother's parents' names were. She never wanted to speak of them. I never met them, only my grandfather, and only shortly after I was born. From what I've been told he wanted nothing to do with me. So yes, remembering names isn't very difficult at all." said Touichirou. Teru looked like he was about to climb over everyone and start fighting…knowing how Mob and Teru met that was a real possibility…
Right, yeah, time to step in.
"I'm going to-" said Teru
"Teru, whatever you're going to do please think about this!" said Mob
"Sho! Sho, can you think of anyone who would know these things about your Dad? Was there anyone who he was close to?" asked Reigen
"Fukuda Tadashi. He knows everything about me and I know everything about him. That's how friendship works. You know everything about someone from their birthday to their shoe size to their favorite color to their dental records to how many minutes they can stare into the sun for…though I think that Fukuda has an unfair advantage considering his powerset." Said Touichirou
"I told you guys before, I have no clue where Fukuda is and I didn't even know he knew my Dad…or that they were friends…or that he was even the same age as my Dad! I mean Dad's so old and Fukuda…well he's old but like, Reigen old, not old person old." Said Sho
"Fukuda is ten days older than I am, so if either of us looks old it should be him…but we did theorize that eventually he would stop aging since he seemed to heal all other damage, we even thought that he might have been immortal…though clearly he is not since we aren't friends anymore." Said Touichirou
"What are you talking about?" sighed Sho
"Only death can keep us apart." Said Touichirou solemnly.
"That's…really weird." Said Ritsu
"That's really beautiful." Said Mob
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Friendship is a beautiful thing. Do you have any other friends? Preferably ones that haven't been scattered to the four winds?" asked Reigen. The kid shook his head.
"I have no need for other friends. Fukuda is enough." Said Touichirou. Reigen sighed and turned towards Sho.
"What about when he grew up? Did your Dad have any friends as an adult?" asked Reigen. He crossed his fingers and hoped for someone, anyone-
"Aside from Serizawa, no." said Sho. Reigen uncrossed his fingers. He had wished too hard. Alright then…that was…something that he should have seen coming. That was…not someone he wanted to bother with all of this. Serizawa didn't need this, not now, not when he had been doing so good lately.
"Anyone else?" asked Reigen
"No." said Sho
"Are you sure? What about…uh…your mother! Yeah, you have a mother and-" said Reigen
"Mom hates Dad." Said Sho. That certainly got Touichirou's attention. What was left of Reigen's coffee table broke apart again. Now it was just an undeniable pile of wood.
"Is your mother named Kuki?" asked Touichirou. Sho shook his head.
"No, Masami." Said Sho. Touichirou exhaled and relaxed.
"Oh, good. I thought that Kuki hated me for a second. That was truly terri…truly an unfortunate thing which could have happened.
"Shouldn't we just call Serizawa? I mean they pretty much spent three years together nonstop." Said Ritsu. Reigen had no idea how he was supposed to put this in words a kid could understand. Serizawa was in a bad place due to…things he hadn't even shared with Reigen. Things that Reigen suspected but knew better than to ask about. Things that…things that were none of Reigen's business. It wasn't like what Serizawa had been through wasn't enough.
Reigen would just liked to have had some idea of what it was that Serizawa had gone through in the first place.
"Maybe make sure that he's alone, first." Said Teru quickly. Reigen nodded. This was…something that he needed to do. If only to settle this. These kids weren't going to see reason unless he did something that he knew was a terrible idea.
"Alright, alright, I'll call him." said Reigen as he got up and stretched, careful not to step onto the miniscule and semi miniscule bits of wood littering his floor.
"Don't let Touichirou see your phone, Master, he likes to steal people's phones." Said Mob. Reigen didn't need an excuse to get up and give the kids some space. He loved them to death, he did, but he also needed room to breathe. To just take some space and…and go to the other room.
There was no other room.
The only room with a door was the bathroom. Technically this wasn't a one room because there was what passed for a kitchen off to the side. Somehow that made this place cost even more than…he would worry about money later. Right now he had to grab his phone and hide in his bathroom from a room full of middle schoolers…middle schoolers with good hearing…
He turned the TV on as he left.
"If he really is from 1986 show him Netflix or YouTube or whatever, it'll blow his mind." Said Reigen as he grabbed his phone. As he closed the door he heard something about Galaxy Express 999…that kid needed to do more research. That wasn't even an 80s thing, that was a 70's thing…God. These kids.
These damn kids.
Reigen closed the toilet and sat down. His thumb hung over Serizawa's name. He could have just pretended that Serizawa hadn't picked up. It wasn't like he was obligated to. It wasn't like they were friends or anything….real friends. They were more than coworkers, less than friends, but not nearly close enough to be waking each other up over this nonsense-
"What do you mean there are three of them? When did this happen!?" shouted the kid who may have been Touichirou but also may have been the world's greatest conman…both prospects were terrifying. Reigen sighed. It would have been easy to call Serizawa and just…just settle this…
But that would have involved calling Serizawa.
"Wait, wait, wait, are you telling me that every television has a…what is this? This is laserdisc quality but….better. How is this better?!" said Touichirou, sounding like he was dangerously close to losing it. The room shook, the lights flickered, and Reigen knew that he needed to get this settled and get these kids out of here and back to their parents.
He called Serizawa. It rang.
And it rang.
And it rang. It had been the longest twenty five seconds of his life. He wasn't freaking out, no, he was just…sweaty. Because it was hot out. Because it was way too hot in here and…right, right, time to be normal. Time to act like he called him all the time….and maybe the first thing to do was to stop breathing down the phone like a perverted caller.
Yeah, no. Not the impression he wanted to make at all.
"Hello? Hello?" asked Serizawa. Reigen had the sudden urge to take his phone and flush it down the toilet. But he didn't, of course. He couldn't afford a new coffee table so how in the hell was he supposed to afford a new phone? He took a deep breath, making sure to keep it away from the phone that time. He ran a hand through his hair and collected himself.
Time to be Reigen Arataka.
"Hello?" asked Serizawa
"Serizawa, hey! It's me, Reigen." Said Reigen. He cringed as soon as the words came out of his mouth. That had been so stupid. He wasn't the one claiming to be from 1986, he knew about caller ID. Serizawa probably thought that he was such an idiot and-
"Hello Reigen. I didn't know that it was you. I mean I did but I thought that you had pocket dialed me on accident." Said Serizawa
"Yes, I mean no, I mean…I mean this isn't a social call." Said Reigen. He kicked himself in the shin. That had come out so, completely, wrong! He was such a moron and-
"Oh." Said Serizawa
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I wish that it was, though! I mean what's going on now is just kind of…complicated." Said Reigen. There was a pause, there, and if not for the sound of breathing he would have thought that Serizawa had hung up on him. He hadn't, of course, he wasn't that kind of person.
"Is it…is it Claw again? I mean we quit but a bunch of people didn't and…and it's kind of a mess, really. A bunch of the higher level guys joined the local yakuza syndicate and Shimazaki says that they're a joke but to Shimazaki everything is a joke and-" said Serizawa
"No, no, no, nothing like that. Just something with the kids, that's all. It's the…it's the weirdest thing. The kids are just, uh, there's here and they made a new friend." Said Reigen
"That's wonderful! I know how much trouble Sho has making friends, I'm glad that he's putting himself out there more." Said Serizawa
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too. He's just…yeah, he's a great kid. Anyway the thing is this new friend is, and this is what he claims, he says that he's…and you're going to laugh-" said Reigen
"Just to warn you I don't always get jokes." Said Serizawa
"Well this is….I'm pretty sure that this is some kind of elaborate joke on the kid's part. He says that he's a time traveler from the year 1986 and, and this is really going to be funny, he's a younger version of your old boss. I mean, come on! Have you ever heard anything so hilarious?" asked Reigen with a forced laugh, one that was entirely too loud and entirely too barking. The kind that managed to drown out what sounded like a bunch of kids in his living room fighting over his TV…and then there was a crash…
So fucking funny.
"It's hilarious, right? I've been humoring them all day and I guess the time came to settle everything and that's where you come in. You don't have to be a part of this, though, if you're busy. I mean who am I kidding, of course you're too busy. This is just some kids playing-" said Reigen. He was just speaking to fill the atmosphere, that was all. That was something that he had been doing since he had been able to talk. For as long as he could remember he had been told that he talked too much…
So, yeah, maybe he did.
"I mean it's hilarious, right? It's-" said Reigen
"It's a little funny, I guess, but mostly impressive." Said Serizawa after a moment. Reigen forgot whatever it was that he had been about to babble about.
"Im-impressive? How so?" Reigen choked out.
"The president told me, back when we worked together, about this one time when he was a kid that he tried to go forward in time but really all he did was end up getting really hurt." Said Serizawa. Reigen nodded. Something banged against the bathroom wall…the kids were fighting in there…
All the kids.
"Did he now?" asked Reigen
"Yes. He tried and got hurt and then he decided to never try again. Well, his dad was mostly mad at him for hurting himself and ruining his clothes and stuff and that was why he decided to keep his dreams realistic." Said Serizawa
"Uh-huh." Said Reigen
"So maybe in another timeline it happened. It's like in this one game I played, once, where a version of yourself from another timeline is on the run because he succeeded in breaking a dimensional hole and there are aliens after him and, well I don't like the next part because it's all shooting, but you have to fight your way to the rift and close it but with shooting. I didn't like that part at all but Hatori likes games where you kill people-" said Serizawa. Reigen nodded even though he knew that Serizawa couldn't hear him. This was…something worrying. That was all. Something that was so worrying and he just…it couldn't have been true…
He'd seen stranger things.
Hell, he'd been involved in stranger things. The broccoli tree in the middle of downtown was a testament to that. He had no idea that people could grow giant broccoli trees so time travel must have…must have been real too and…and…
And other existential things.
"How did this…how did this game of yours end?" asked Reigen with a gulp.
"The good ending or the bad ending?" asked Serizawa
"Let's…let's start with the good ending." Said Reigen
"In the good ending the dimensional rift closes and everything goes back to the way that it's supposed to be." Said Serizawa. Reigen sighed and nodded. He…he could handle that. Everything going back to the way that it was supposed to be…
Yeah. That sounded pretty good…too good to be true.
"And the-the bad ending?" asked Reigen. Serizawa wasted no time before jumping in with the enthusiasm he brought to all videogame centric conversations.
"The whole universe collapses and everyone dies." Said Serizawa
"What the hell?" asked Reigen
"But it's ok! I mean if you just reload an old save file then you can try again and again and again. You can even cheat to win if you play with Hatori…but if you want to play another videogame I'd like that better. Hatori's been kind of…weird, lately. Everything's been weird." Said Serizawa
"You don't know the half of it." Muttered Reigen
"What?" asked Serizawa
"I don't know half of what you know about videogames, that's all." Said Reigen quickly.
"Oh…I can teach you, if you want. I mean I didn't even know you liked games." Said Serizawa. Reigen felt a bead of sweat run down his forehead and into his eye. He took a deep breath. One thing at a time, one thing to freak out about at a time.
"Um…yeah, videogames…uh…rock. Anyway, weird question but did you and the uh…your old boss, did you guys ever play video games together? And maybe did he share any other personal details about his childhood, say maybe about the early to mid 80's, with you?" asked Reigen. There was silence, a significant amount of it, and some shuffling. Reigen wouldn't have been surprised if Serizawa was planning on hanging up on him and never speaking to him again…
The thought hurts.
"…like what?" asked Serizawa after a moment.
"Just, say, when's his birthday?" asked Reigen
"March 17th, 1973." Said Serizawa
"Uh-huh, and…uh…what were his parents' names?" asked Reigen
"Yoshio and Abigail, but people called her Abi. His father was a company president and his mother was an artist." Said Serizawa. Reigen resisted the urge to nod.
"And did he have a friend named, uh, Fukuda? Fukuda Tadashi?" asked Reigen
"Yes…and no. Fukuda and the president used to be friends but then they stopped…I don't know why. When I asked the President threw me out and then told me never to ask him about anything personal again…but then I think that he forgot because after that he told me about the time he got appendicitis and almost died when he was a kid." Said Serizawa
"He had his appendix out?" asked Reigen. He could use this! He could…he could…alright, those kinds of surgeries left pretty obvious scars, right? Especially if it was 80's surgery or, probably, 70's surgery.
"Yes, when he was six and…and the rest of that story isn't very good and I don't think that the president would have wanted me to tell anyone about this. He swore me to secrecy but also he had been drinking when he said all of that so…I don't know. Shimazaki said that drunk things don't count but I kind of feel like they do." Said Serizawa, quietly…too quietly. Reigen felt like the gunk that you pulled out of your drain when it was clogged. He had really messed up, hadn't he…
Of course he had.
"Thanks and…and sorry, to open up old wounds. It's just…this thing that the kids came up with, that was all. The kids just…yeah. Just kid stuff." Said Reigen
"Oh…alright. They're just playing." Said Serizawa
"Yeah, they're just-" said Reigen
"But if they aren't then…then tell the president, the little president, that what he did was…it was impressive. He likes it a lot when all of his plans come together." Said Serizawa quietly, so quietly that he might as well have been whispering…God, Reigen had really fucked this up, hadn't he?
"Yeah, sure, I'll…I'll take that under consideration. That's…thanks, for all of this, and…and I'm sorry, I guess." said Reigen
"Why are you sorry?" asked Serizawa. Reigen blinked.
"For calling you up and, you know, opening up old wounds." Said Reigen. He closed his eyes and looked away from his phone. He had to. He couldn't bear it. He braced himself for the barrage that he was sure was coming his way.
It never came.
"Oh…that's alright. I like it when you call me….I mean I liked this. You've never called me before, nobody really calls me but my mom and…and I don't really like it when she calls." Said Serizawa. Reigen jumped up and began to do something that may have been classified as a dance. Serizawa was happy to hear from him! He was happy and this had gone well and-
-and Reigen kicked his hamper over.
"Reigen? Hello? Are you still there?" asked Serizawa. Reigen cursed internally as he kicked his clothes back into the overturned hamper.
"I'm here, I'm here. Just…uh…yeah. I've got to go deal with the kids now but, uh, yeah. It was nice talking to you, too. We should…we should do this more often." Said Reigen before he hung up…and then kicked the hamper again. That had been the worst thing he could have done! He hadn't even given Serizawa time to say sorry and he hadn't said goodbye-wait, no. Serizawa needed to say goodbye and Reigen needed to say sorry and…and goodbye, too, and he had completely fucked that up and-
Another crash. This time it had nothing to do with him.
"Alright then…this is real. This is real and this is happening and…yeah." Muttered Reigen as he shook his head. Stranger things had happened, the broccoli tree downtown was a testament to that. Stranger things could still happen. There could have been aliens like Mob's friend was always talking about or…or he wasn't quite sure what could have been stranger and he didn't much know if he wanted to know.
This was strange enough.
He couldn't just sit there in the bathroom and contemplate how strange this all was. He had to figure something out. He had to figure out how time travel worked and then he could send this kid back to his own time and…and there was still hope that he wasn't who Reigen thought he was but…but there was no point in clinging to that hope.
He had to be the adult here.
So that was what he did. He got up like an adult and went to go and handle whatever the hell all of this was. On the way to the living room he wound up with a splinter in his foot. It may have been a sign from God, a sign that maybe he was doing too much, that maybe this was too much for any one person to deal with on their own. This was time travel for God's sake!
It was a splinter. For now he would deal with the splinter.
"Master! Don't move, that looks bad." said Mob as he rushed to Reigen's side.
"I've had worse." Said Reigen with a wince
"Maybe they'll have to amputate it." Said Ritsu, sounding entirely too nonplussed at the prospect.
"Maybe it'll leave a scar." Said Teru like it was the worst thing that could possibly happen. Bigger misfortunes had befallen Reigen in the past. Hell, bigger misfortunes were befalling him now! His apartment was trashed, everything he knew about the nature of time and human existence was being called into question, and at the middle of it was the man…younger version of the man who had tried to kill him!
And on top of all of that Serizawa probably thought that he was an asshole…what a day…and it wasn't even noon yet!
"Find Fukuda before it heals. He can fix wounds but there's nothing he can do about scars." Said Touichirou, the only kid in the room who didn't seem to give a damn about him. He was just standing way too close to the TV, close enough that if Reigen's mother were there she would have unplugged the damn thing and sent him to play outside, and beside him a roll of paper towels was floating and a pen was quickly taking notes on it…
Wait, no, transcribing.
He was, for some reason, transcribing the second back to the future and…well, he had said that he came from the past. Reigen supposed that if he too had come from the past, supposedly, then he would have done something like transcribe a movie to sell the script and then become rich and use that money to lead a life of leisure…but that wasn't Touichirou. He was probably planning something nefarious. The kid just had that air about him even at that age…if he was who he said he was. There was just one way to find out.
Reigen, though, hoped to whichever God or Godlike deity watching that he was wrong.
"Hey Suzuki…Touichirou, speaking of scars can I ask you something?" asked Reigen. Teru gave him a terrified look…he had been giving a lot of those lately. Reigen was going to have to figure out what those were about. For right now, though, he was going to have to get to the bottom of this thing with this kid.
Then he could worry about all of the other kids.
"You know they made a cartoon of this too, right?" asked Teru. Touichirou turned around quickly and stared him down.
"Who, when, where, and for what purpose? How difficult is it to get back to your own timeline? There are already three movies dedicated to that very premise." Said Touichirou. Reigen hoped that it wasn't very difficult at all. After all a…thirteen? He did some mental math…1973 to 2019….the kid was thirteen. If a thirteen year old could do it then so could he, probably, and if not then…
He didn't want to think about that part.
"In the-" said Teru
"Hey Touichirou, I heard that appendectomies leave pretty bad scars and-" said Reigen. He didn't even have to finish his sentence. In true thirteen year old boy fashion Touichirou immediately pulled his shirt up and revealed…what could only have been an appendectomy scar. An old school one. A massive cut going across his torso with actual stitch marks along the side. Reigen'd had that same surgery before, as a kid, and his scar wasn't nearly as visible…or maybe people scared easier in the 80's or 70's or….or whenever that had happened.
Before Reigen had even been born…Reigen is glad he's sitting down.
"This is my best scar right here, I had my appendix out when I was seven. Mother says that it's unfortunate but Father says that women think that everything is unfortunate." Said Touichirou as he held his shirt up. Mob shook his head.
"That looks like it hurt a lot. I don't think that your scar is going to be as bad, Master, but that's still a really bad splinter. Maybe we should take you to a hospital." Said Mob
"Speaking of hospitals-" said Reigen. That was a good idea. A hospital could…well, nothing for the whole time travel thing but they could at least have seen to the kid's wounds…the kid version of…this was a lot to wrap his head around…
But he was the only adult around here so he had no choice but to get to wrapping.
"He doesn't need a hospital, just rip it out and find Fukuda. He can fix it before it scars." Said Touichirou
"I already told you, I have no idea where he is. Everyone just kind of ran away after-" said Sho. Teru gasped and practically launched himself into Reigen. He even shoved Mob out of the way…and now Reigen could actually feel Ritsu glaring. More problems…alright, he would start with the immediate and work his way down to whatever the hell was going on with Teru.
"Teru, you should really say excuse-" said Mob
"Reigen! Someone needs to do something about Reigen before he…he…" said Teru, his eyes searching the air as if there were words written on the ceiling.
"Dies of blood loss?" asked Sho
"Oh no, somebody do something." muttered Ritsu in a tone that Reigen didn't like one bit.
"I don't understand, are people just more fragile in the future? Father always said that my generation was too soft and grandfather said the same thing about Father's generation, or so Father said…maybe people will just progressively get softer and softer until we engineer our own extinction…someone should really do something about that…" said Touichirou, his eyes glazing over in thought.
"I'm fine! I'll be-I'll be fine, just…Mob, do my a favor and rip this thing out of me." said Reigen. Mob looked away and shook his head.
"Master, I could never do anything to hurt you on purpose." Said Mob
"I can." Said Ritsu and then there was a blinding second of pain followed by a dull throbbing. Mob looked away and actually wiped his eyes. Teru looked like he needed a drink. Ritsu looked entirely too nonchalant. Sho and his…whatever they were calling Touichirou looked entirely too interested.
"That's going to leave a really cool scar." Said Sho
"It will but it's on the bottom of his foot." Said Touichirou
"So?" asked Sho
"Nobody will see it. What's the point of leaving scars if nobody will see them?" asked Touichirou
"That's seriously what you think? That the point of scars is for people to see them?" asked Sho
"Of course. Why else do we get them?" asked Touichirou. Ritsu reached a hand up and brushed his bangs down. Mob gave him a weary look…alright, alright, dangerous ground was starting to come up…
"To remind us how badly we can get hurt and shit." Said Sho. Touichirou shrugged.
"So then, yes, the point is for people to see. More scars mean more stories…though it is a pity that Mother thinks that they're unfortunate. If I don't find Fukuda by the time I get home I'm going to get into real trouble…as cool as these are going to be." Said Touichirou looking down at his arms. Sho made a noise that was somewhere between a gasp and a scream.
"You think this is cool!?" asked Sho as he tossed his coat up and pulled up his shirt to reveal…the exact reason why Reigen had never seen him without that damn coat on. Those were definite puncture marks up and down his arms and what looked to be burns, too, old ones…but they were nothing compared to what was on his back.
It looked almost like a tree…one made of raised, red lines. The top of which started at the base of his neck and then the…roots…of it took a sharp left down his back before ending at his tailbone…
Reigen had never seen a scar like that before. He never wanted to see one like that again.
"Yes. That is by far the coolest thing that I have ever seen in my life." said Touichirou as he stared. Everyone else had the good sense to look away, even Mob had suddenly found his cat socks to be the most fascinating things in the world. Touichirou just stared and…and Reigen had no idea what to do about this. There was no way in hell he could stop a fight, and it certainly looked like there was one brewing.
A one sided fight.
"Do you even know how you get these?" asked Sho
"No, but I want to know. Right now." said Touichirou, completely oblivious to the trouble that he was causing. Obviously nobody had ever told him the old parable of the curious cat before.
"Sho, Touichirou, how about we just take a step back-" said Reigen. Sho decided to make an executive decision and took a step forward.
"It's called a Lichtenburg You get these by being struck by lightning." Said Sho, taking toward his father…and then stopped suddenly. Ritsu had his hand held out like he was stopping him…and now things were starting to maybe get a little out of hand.
"You were struck by lightning? When? Where? How? And why? Tell. Me. Everything." Said Touichirou
"Oh I'll tell you-" said Sho as he struggled to break free and…yeah, time for Reigen to intervene. He had no hope of physically separating the two of them but maybe he could talk them down…Sho. Talk Sho down…
God, this wasn't going to be easy, now was it.
"Sho, hey, take a step back." Said Reigen as he crossed the living, carefully watching where he stepped. Sho looked up at him but made no move to step backwards. Though he didn't step forwards, either, which honestly may have counted as progress. Of course Ritsu could have easily been holding him back but Reigen…well, Reigen wasn't going to start pulling at any threads here.
"He said-" said Sho
"I know what he said but you need to ask yourself something." said Reigen. Sho rolled his eyes.
"How badly am I going to kick his ass?" asked Sho. Touichirou narrowed his eyes. Reigen stepped fully in front of Sho before this could get even more out of hand.
"No. You need to ask yourself if HE knows what he's saying." Said Reigen. Sho cocked his head to the side.
"I'm pretty sure he does. People don't just say things that they don't mean…well, aside from babies. Mukai used to tell people to go fuck themselves when she was one and a half. It was really funny. Tsuchiya got really close to killing me for teaching her that but it was worth it." Said Sho. Reigen decided to pick his battles carefully.
"Sho…ok, he knows what the words he's saying means but he doesn't know what they mean to you." said Reigen
"What are you talking about?" asked Sho
"He isn't that person. Not yet. He has no idea what this means to you." said Reigen quietly. Sho looked at Reigen, then passed him, and then back at him. Ritsu walked up behind him and took his hand. A look passed between them.
"It hasn't happened yet. None of it has." Said Ritsu as he squeezed Sho's hand.
"And maybe it won't. I mean he's here…but we're all here too and nothing feels any different than it did yesterday…so then maybe it does?" asked Mob. Teru threw a hand over Mob's mouth. The look of terror was back. What was that abo-
"What hasn't happened yet?" asked Touichirou. Teru turned stark white…yeah. Now he knew what that had been about. Touichirou wasn't that person yet…but he would still grow up to be. Maybe, just maybe, telling him that he not only failed at taking over the world but was soundly defeated by a middle schooler wasn't the best thing to do. If he did manage to go back then he could devise some sort of strategy or just…or just decide that Back to the Future wasn't the only time travel movie he was going to recreate….
"About thirty three years' worth of history and three Back to the Future movies plus a cartoon, and a hell of a lot of anime too. Go nuts." Said Reigen as he took the remote from the top of the TV and handed it to Touichirou. Thankfully the kid was easily distracted. Reigen took this time to motion for everyone to follow him to the other room…
The only other room.
It was a tight fit, getting everyone into his bathroom, but they managed it. He decided not to say anything about just how high Touichirou had turned his TV up. He would deal with the noise complaints. Besides, they needed the noise cover. He was the adult here and he needed to start making some decisions, fast. The only problem was that he didn't have all the information he needed to make these decisions.
That was where they guys came in.
"I can't believe you actually live this way." Said Ritsu as he used his powers to put Reigen's clothes back in the hamper. He even folded them, too, though he suspected that Ritsu may have just been showing off.
"You don't have to-" said Reigen
"And I can't believe that you actually use this on your skin. Do you have some kind of internal self-hatred, or something?" asked Teru as he picked Reigen's body wash up off of the shower floor.
"Hey, it was on sale." Said Reigen. Teru held it with two fingers like he was afraid it was going to bite him or something.
"I can't believe that you would ever think that about Master Reigen, Teru! He doesn't hate himself." Said Mob
"And I can't believe-" said Sho, his fists balled up and his shoulders tense. Ok, this wasn't going to lead anywhere good. Reigen had to act fast.
"It's not butter?" said Reigen in an attempt to lighten the mood. It didn't work.
"Everyone knows it's not butter…and that's not even what I'm pissed about! I can't believe all of you are just so fucking calm and-and hanging out in bathrooms and stuff! We have a serious problem and we need to do something about it!" said Sho
"Do you have any ideas? Because right now I'm the only person here with an idea-" said Teru
"We can't just abandon him, he's our responsibility now." said Mob
"Brother…he's not a lost dog. He's a person and…and kind of a terrible one." Said Ritsu
"I know that he grows up to be a terrible person but he doesn't think that he is, I mean when he took over the world he thought that he was doing the right thing, and anyway right now he's not that person, like Master Reigen said. He's lost and probably scared-" said Mob
"My dad doesn't know the meaning of the word scared." Said Sho lowly. Reigen needed to figure out how to get them out of this dangerous ground…but how? He didn't know the kid that well…wait, Mob looked like he had something to say!
"Yes he does." Said Mob. Reigen wanted to slap him upside the head. THAT was how he fixed this? That was…ok, yeah, this was Mob. What did he expect?
"And how the fuck do you know? What, are you guys friends now or something?" asked Sho
"No, we aren't friends, but when we lost our physical bodies we kind of became one being and I learned a lot about him and I think that he learned a lot about me. We learned a lot about each other and he realized that he was being kind of a jerk and now he's going to be a better person." Said Mob
"Fine, yeah, ok. Almost dying…I guess my dad was scared when he almost died. He's allowed to be scared about that." Said Sho
"That's not the only time he was scared. He was really scared when you were born, and Mukai too. And when your mom left and when-" said Mob
"Alright! Alright, I get it! You know my Dad, you got all up close and personal with him, and he secretly has human emotions or whatever. Can we please move on now! Like to Teru's 'abandon him on the side of the road plan'? I like that plan, but only if we find a way not to make it murder so, you know, I don't end up disappearing or whatever." Said Sho
"Guys, no, we aren't abandoning anyone anywhere. We can't, we're involved now. Also, time traveler or not I'm pretty sure that's a crime." Said Reigen. He wasn't even sure, one hundred percent, that the kids hadn't already committed a crime by not taking him to the hospital. Did they have some obligation to help him or was that just adults…and what was Reigen's obligation here, exactly? He didn't want this guy around, not even in his living room…but he was the adult in this situation whether he liked it or not.
He had to figure something out.
"Then what are we supposed to do with him? He can't live at our house, mom and dad would definitely notice, and we already went through why your 'tie him up and drug him' plan isn't going to work." Said Ritsu. Reigen wasn't sure if he even wanted to know…he eyed his medicine cabinet. Cold medicine did knock a person out, him at least, but enough cold medicine to knock him out might have also been enough to kill a kid.
And Reigen wasn't going to go there even if that kid grew up to be one of the worst people that Reigen had ever met in his life.
"Maybe if we hid him in the my wardrobe. I mean he'd have to stay in there when mom and dad were home but when we were at school he could come out." Said Mob, his eyes filled with hope and a rare smile on his face.
"No." said Ritsu. Mob's small smile vanished.
"But it's a good idea." Said Mob, something near to a whine in his voice.
"It's not happening. I don't want him in our house. I don't care if he lives in your wardrobe or my wardrobe or the hall closet or under the couch. I don't want him anywhere near our house." Said Ritsu
"I don't think he'd burn it down again-" said Mob
"No." said Ritsu. His eyes met Mob's. A small staring contest ensued. Ritsu won.
"Alright…um….what about-" said Mob, looking away. His eyes met Sho's.
"He can't stay with me. My mom would definitely notice and, yeah, I don't want to be anywhere near him either." Said Sho
"But he's your dad and he's sorry-" said Mob
"Are you deaf or something? I said no." said Sho, a hard edge to his voice. He was close to the edge…but again Ritsu was there to pull him off of it.
"Sho." said Ritsu as he clutched Sho's hand in his.
"Come on, let's all just calm down and take a deep breath." Said Reigen
"Before we do that can I just say that he can't stay with me either. I don't have the room. my apartment is only thirteen tatami mats and most of that is taken up…and also I just don't like him." said Teru
"Ok, your houses are out of the question. Is there anywhere else you can store him? Like…I don't know. A safehouse or-" said Reigen
"Serizawa is living in the safehouse with the rest of the Ultimate Five. Well, they're kind of squatting there but I don't want to kick them out. We may be fighting, and we may not have forgiven each other all the way, but I'm still not going to kick them out just because of my Dad." Said Sho. Reigen didn't need to hear anymore to know that sending Touichirou to live with Serizawa was a bad idea. Serizawa was still getting over the weirdness that had been their relationship and Reigen knew that having the younger version of the guy who ruined his life around would just make everything worse…and also there was the existential dread that came up when you thought about time travel for too long.
Yeah. That part kind of…kind of really snuck up on you, didn't it?
"Alright, that ship just sunk…can you guys think of anywhere else? Anyone that might want to take him in?" asked Reigen. He knew where this was going. He was the only one left…and he should have suggested his place from the get go. But he didn't want the kid around. He had only known Reigen for less than an hour and already his living room was destroyed. Plus the whole trying to kill him in thirty something years thing, too.
Reigen hoped, prayed, that he didn't have to do the responsible thing here.
"What about the Awakening Lab?" asked Mob, answering all of Reigen's prayers. He could have jumped for joy if there had been room. But alas there wasn't, not unless he got rid of this sink that was jabbing him in the side.
"Yeah, that's actually a good idea. I mean that guy who runs it is kind of weird but it's not like he doesn't have the space." Said Ritsu, shooting Reigen's prayers down before they could be answered. Weird…he had met the guy and, yeah, he was an odd duck…but weird could have a lot of meanings now couldn't it?
"Weird how?" asked Reigen, hoping that it wasn't the worst.
"Yeah, and if the guy running it turns out to be some kind of creep then it's ok because it's just my Dad." Said Sho
"Wait, is this guy that kind of weird?" asked Reigen, his eyes going wide. He looked the kids up and down despite the fact that he didn't have trauma detecting vision. He would have known…right? He would have noticed if they had been different in any way and…and…and they mostly seemed alright…
But what did he know?
"I don't know and I don't care." Said Sho
"Wait, what kind of weird do you mean? Like how he dresses?" asked Mob. Reigen didn't want to destroy his innocence, what was left of it, just yet.
"The kind that worries me, you don't need to know the details." Said Reigen. Ritsu pulled Mob close and whispered something in his ear. Reigen didn't have to be a lip reader to know what Ritsu just said. Mob went red and covered his face.
"That's horrible! Why would you want that to happen to your dad?" asked Mob. Reigen sighed. Well, now he had this to deal with on top of everything else. Poor Mob…and poor him for having to deal with this!
"My Dad sucks and I don't care if weird guys try weird stuff with him." said Sho with a dismissive wave of his hand.
"Hey, I need a definitive answer here. Is this guy that kind of weird or not? Because if he is then…well I'm not going to involve all of you in what I'm going to do if he's that kind of weird." Said Reigen
"No clue, I don't hang out with those guys anymore. Teru does, though." Said Ritsu. Teru got that familiar look of terror again.
"No, I don't anymore. Let's move on." Said Teru quickly.
"Why not? You said that it was really fun there and people were nice." Said Mob
"I just don't hang out there anymore, alright? Can we please move on?" pleaded Teru
"What happened? Were they mean to you? If they were then…then I'll do something. I just don't know what." asked Mob. His voice was steady and his face was still but Reigen…he didn't like the look in his eyes. No, not one bit.
"No, it's fine. There was just some…some unpleasantness and now I can never go back." Said Teru. He looked terrified and…embarrassed? Oh no…oh God no. Just…parents! This was why kids needed parents and…and alright, Reigen was the closest thing that Teru had to a parent and he would help him through this. This was more important than the existential dread creeping up on him…this was…
This was one of the kids. One of HIS kids.
"Hey…you know you can tell me anything, right?" asked Reigen
"It's not like that, it's not. There was just this thing with Rei and…and now I can never go back." Said Teru, his eyes looking everywhere but Reigen's. He was pressing himself against the wall. He was even starting to sweat…something was freaking him out…
"Did she break your heart?" said Mob softly. Or maybe it was that. Reigen hoped that it was that and nothing that he was going to get sent to prison over.
"I really don't want to get into specifics." Said Teru
"Did she say that you were bad in bed or something?" asked Sho with a laugh. A laugh that nobody else matched…a laugh that sent Teru staring down at the chipped tile of the floor.
"She did NOT and for your information-" said Teru, yelling at his reflection on the floor and not Sho…but maybe Reigen was the one who should have been yelling at Sho. After all this was personal and not the topic at hand and…and what did Teru think that he was doing!? He was just a kid and in now way ready for any of the bullshit that came with-
No, no, this was not what they were crammed into his bathroom to discuss.
"OK! We are getting WAY off track here! And Teru, we're going to talk about this later because somebody has to talk about this with you and I guess it's going to have to be me." said Reigen
"I can't believe that you didn't tell me, Teru." said Mob, his voice brimming with unsaid pain and betrayal.
"It was just one time, ok? It's not a big deal…and it barely even happened…" muttered Teru, looking up to meet his eyes. A moment passed between them. Probably an aural one based on the double take that Ritsu did.
"One time? Hang on, Hanazawa-" asked Sho before his jaw practically hit the floor. He stared at Ritsu. Ritsu was still doing the world's longest double take. Reigen could feel a headache coming on.
"Wait, this actually happened?" asked Ritsu with all the incredulity and interest a teenage boy would be expected to have in this situation. Well, Reigen was not a teenage boy and he had no desire to hear any details.
"No, no, no. We are not here to discuss Teru's love life…that's he's too young to be having. We're here to discuss what in the hell we're going to do with Sho's dad so…I don't know, any other ideas?" asked Reigen. There was a moment of silence, heavy silence, which was then broken by a sudden knock on the door. Reigen jumped. They all jumped.
Aside from Mob, but then again his best friend had just dropped one hell of a bombshell on him. He had earned the right to be a little out of it.
"Why don't you try finding my parents. Even if they moved they would still be in the phonebook." Said Touichirou through the door. Sho looked like he was ready to break it down. Reigen wondered if he had a chance left of getting his safety deposit back.
"Hey! How about a little privacy?" shouted Sho
"You were all yelling, it's hardly private. Also, I wanted to see what was so interesting over here." Said Touichirou. That…made perfect sense now that Reigen thought about it.
"It's just a bathroom, nothing to see here." Called Reigen. He looked down. He could see the shadow of Touichirou's feet peaking out from under the door. He didn't move.
"Why are you all in the bathroom together? You're not girls." Said Touichirou
"Future reasons!" said Teru. Ritsu gave him a look and shook his head.
"This is truly an odd timeline." Muttered Touichirou
"We're in here trying to figure out what to do with you since we can't find your parents and if we leave you alone then you'll probably die and Sho and his sister will never be born. Also your death would be our faults and we don't think that we could live with that." Said Mob
"I have no plans of dying anytime soon. I'm just here to take notes and then go back to my own time. I have no intention of making my home here." Said Touichirou. More dangerous ground. Reigen knew what this guy was capable of as an adult…what was he going to do as a kid when he realized he was, effectively, trapped in the future with no hope of going home?
Reigen needed to handle this delicately.
"Kid, listen, that's going to be…a little more difficult than you think so how about you sit and watch TV while we figure out where you're going to…while I figure out how you're going to get settled in." said Reigen. Four pairs of eyes stared up at him. He nodded. This was…it was time for him to step up and do what needed to be done.
"Wait…so I'm expected to stay here?" asked Touichirou. Well he could have at least sounded grateful and…and Reigen reminded himself that this was a kid. A kid who wasn't just far from home but his own time…like Mob said, he was probably scared too. This whole thing was probably a lot and…and there was always the existential dread…
The ever creeping existential dread.
"Yes…sure. This is…it's always fun to host…to host long term, possibly permanent guest. My house is your house." Said Reigen through gritted teeth. This was the hardest thing that he'd ever had to do but…but it was the right thing to do. The kids couldn't handle this on their own. He could barely handle this on his own and he was a grown man! But he would have to try. For the kid's sake…all of their sakes.
This was NOT how he had seen his Sunday going…but this was what it was whether he liked it or not.