23. THE HEART OF AN ALPHA

I skimmed a rock on the glittering waters of First Beach, the roaring of the ocean loud in my ears. A cool breeze whipped through my hair and I closed my eyes, letting out a sigh and hooking my arms around my knees.

"What's up?" Sarah asked, looking up from drawing a picture of a starfish in the sand beneath some flat, shimmery rocks which clinked together as she moved her feet to face me, scooching a little closer to me on the bleached-white driftwood tree we had taken up residence on.

"It's nothing." I shook my head.

"Yeah right."

"It's obviously about him." Lee oh-so-helpfully pointed out. He was sitting in front of us.

"Shut up, Lee." I clicked my tongue.

"I'm just saying that I know how you feel." He threw a glance over his shoulder to where Sam was sitting next to Paula on the farthest left of the driftwood. Elliott wasn't there, but he might as well have been given the way Lee looked at Sam now. He swallowed hard so his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat and his eyebrows furrowed. He looked away, then down at his lap again before picking at the dry seaweed on the bottom of a large gray rock he found, one which fit exactly in the palm of his hand. He sighed, throwing the rock hard into the water and watching it sink before turning his attention back on me.

"Can you guys keep a secret?" I asked in a low, quiet voice. Sarah put the stick she was drawing with down and nodded thrice. Lee sighed instead.

"You know it's no use keeping secrets around here, right? What with our whole pack mentality thing and all."

"I have excellent self-control." I argued.

"Sure you do, Jules. Sure you do." He narrowed his eyes, nodding sarcastically at me. I felt my nostrils flare and I let out a huff.

"I really do! Look, I just won't think about it when we phase."

"Mmm-hmm. Does whatever you have to tell us have anything to do with a certain somebody named Beau Swan, by any chance?"

I felt my cheeks turn red in anger or embarrassment, I wasn't sure which. Probably both. "Possibly." I shrugged, crossing my arms over my chest. "But it doesn't matter though-" I quickly started in my defense but he cut me off.

"Oh please, when Beau's involved? Ugh, I've gotten too much of that narrative from you to call bullshit on your claim, sorry not sorry." Lee snorted. I was literally about to clobber him - I mean, did the guy really not know that his own compulsive obsession with the whole Sam and Elliott thing drove us all to the brink of madness? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

"Don't be a jerk, Leland. Jules is awesome. You're just jealous 'cause you're a big oaf." And Sarah to the rescue. Of course. She took up her little drawing stick again and jabbed her brother in the shin with it. That had me busting up laughing. He totally had that coming.

"Ouch! Lay off, you little twerp! I never said Jules wasn't awesome, just that it's hard sometimes for her - and me - not to think about that sort of thing sometimes… those sorts of people. The ones who've… you know, hurt us like that." His voice got all quiet then and he looked away, towards the ocean again. Lost. And just like that, the anger I felt just seconds ago quickly dissipated and I found myself putting a hand on his shoulder instead. I mean, he can be a real jerk sometimes, but he's a good guy. He's my friend. He's the only one who could really understand how I feel.

He covered my hand with his. "Fine. So, what's this all-mysterious secret about, then?"

Sarah let out a tiny squeal. "Tell us!" Her eyes were glittering with excitement. She leaned even closer to me and I could feel her curls brush up against my arm.

I took a breath and gnawed at my bottom lip, pushing my hair out of my face and looking up towards the sky. "Fine. You see, something… happened." The Clearwater siblings were looking up at me expectantly, eyes wide. I took another breath, letting the words fall out in one fell swoop. "Edythe's pregnant."

"No way." Sarah's mouth popped open and she let out a little gasp.

"Edythe's pregnant?" Lee cried out in disbelief.

"Lee, what the hell? Lower your voice." I covered his lips with my hand. It was too late, though. Sam came up to us in two seconds flat. So much for keeping secrets.

"Edythe Cullen?" Her voice was severe as she put a hand on her hip.

"It's Swan now, but whatever." I mumbled angrily to myself before looking back up at Sam again. "Yeah. She is." I bit the inside of my cheek, not wanting to talk any more about that wonderful subject.

Everyone started gathering around us now. Dang it.

"How is that even possible?" Embry asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I don't know, it just happened. Magic or whatever. Don't ask me." I said bitterly, shrugging hard.

"If what you say is true, Julie, you know what we'll have to do, right? It's an abomination." Sam seized my shoulder and squeezed it, hard.

"Let me go." My voice fell to a severe pitch and I narrowed my eyes coldly at her and got to my feet, staring her down. "You can't do that, it's Beau's child we're talking about here." I shot back, giving her a shove.

"You know our allegiance is to the humans first - if you don't respect me as the leader of this pack, that's fine. But just think of the treaty your own great-grandmother and great-grandfather made all those years ago. You know it is our duty. That thing isn't human, Jules. If we don't eliminate it, it'll kill us all." She shoved me right back.

"You don't know that."

"Neither do you."

I felt that heat bubbling up in my chest again and I pressed my lips tight against each other, making a hard line.

"You're not going to touch them. You're going to leave Edythe and that baby alone, you understand me?" My fists clenched. I came nearer and nearer to her so that she started to back away. She was shooting daggers at me with her angry gaze and I shot them right back at her, piercing her with the long, thin slits my eyes made. It was not a request. She knew that.

"You defend that thing and its mother and you're out of the pack, Julie." Sam growled. My fists unclenched themselves and I took a staggering step back, catching my breath.

I never thought I'd have to make a choice like this.

I was silent then.

Justice. Doing the right thing.

It was a strange-soft cry that I wouldn't let go unanswered. It bound me, cut me up and held me down by the shoulders. The walls of my known world; my familiar world were imploding in on me now, crumbling into ashes as if in a fall from grace. But all I could think was that my heart was screaming at me; inside of me, telling me I was doing the right thing even when I knew how hard the choice was to make, even when my head and the rest of my body; the rest of my known self still had yet to catch up.

A severance. Of course, it was inevitable.

Don't back down now.

I clenched my fists again.

I knew what I needed to do.

"So, you're choosing those bloodsuckers over us? Over the people?" I met Sam's strong, unwavering gaze. The phrase was new, but it echoed her earlier words in the same exact way. I took another breath.

Yeah, I guess I am." I said in a near-silent voice. I began walking away.

"Don't you turn your back on me, Julie." She stopped me by the shoulder and turned me round to look at her.

I moved my head from one side to the other, cracking my neck. The rushing, roaring sound of the waves shuddered through me, filling me up with its kinetic energy. I put one foot forward and stood up tall.

"I am Julie Black, granddaughter of Ephraim Black." I said in a loud, booming voice that rang out clear across the water and troubled it. "I am the granddaughter of a chief. I wasn't born to follow you, Sam, nor anyone else. I say we leave them alone. I say." Everyone went silent.

I have the heart of a Chief.

I have the heart of an Alpha.

I turned my back on her. The wind blew through my hair, whipping it out behind me like the wings of a raven breaking through the glass sky. I phased and took off running.

I've always been a lone wolf anyways.