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Again.
Late again.
What the actual fuck?
Another school day has ended, there were still several cars in the parking lot and the sky was a fire orange. It'll be dark by the time I get home. Once again, Reno had offered me a ride home, and I declined. For hell sake, I had hoped that Bobby would pick me up like he promised! So much for everything has changed. The hell was I thinking?
I sent him a text like an hour ago, ten or more since then and no response! I really don't want to walk home today, I really want to be home!
I'm starving, dying of thirst, and suffering a weird version of home sickness. The day has been excruciatingly long; I had my first experience being in a classroom, which was wicked boring. The teacher seemed to have forgotten that he had a new student sitting in the center desk of the first row in the classroom and started drawing some weird shapes on the board, and writing down random numbers around those shapes calling it angels and degrees. Every time I was in the hall, that substitute would be at a corner just watching me with a pearly white smile, her eyes flickering back and forth from demon to human. Luckily, I had either Hannah or Robby with me each time, so she kept her distance.
Then, lunch time rolled around and it was my first meeting with a supernatural squad. They decided to meet up during the weekend to discuss the demon thing a bit further. Travis was in a few of my classes after lunch and decided that it would be fun to trip me while I was going to my seat in one of my afternoon classes. As simple and boring as it sounds, Choir was the only fun thing I got to do today. After the embarrassment of being introduced and put in my seat, I was placed away from Reno and Mike, whom I was surprised to see in Choir. The teacher gave me a song book, I read the musical notes like a kid reading a comic book; easy to read and, somehow, exciting. It's like I forget about everything bad in my life and I just concentrate on my singing, feeling my voice just reverberate off the wall. The voices around me where stunning, although some did need work, but I felt like I was starting to fit in somewhere.
The last bell rang, I grabbed my stuff, went out to the curb in front of the school and have been waiting ever since.
5:00
Fuck it, I'm done waiting around for him.
I threw my bag over my shoulder and began the agonizing walk home. To add to my misery, the music player has a dead battery. Of course, just my damn luck.
I see why a lot of my classmates have their headphones in their ears and music playing really low during class, whether the teacher is speaking or not. It's more than just blocking out the teacher's voice, ignoring the dull lesson via a video, more than needing the distraction during gym class in the weight room. Reality started hitting me about a mile into my walk, I looked down at my feet as I dragged my worthless self home. Everything just started settling in like chunks of shit forming and becoming solid in my gut. My vision grew blurry, my chest grew tight again, it was hard to breath, my lip quivered, my hands clutched my shoulder straps tightly. I am blinded by the suns ray's, but I feel like I'm swallowed up in darkness, trapped and drowning. I've wracked my brain left and right, trying to make sense of everything around me. I can't be the only one going through this, but I think I am. This...whole life thing...the way I'm being treated by someone who is suppose to be my caretaker...the deep secrets... the stress of finding out who I was and who I need to be...I don't even have words for it.
Who would?
I mean, how do you explain to another person that you not only woke up with amnesia in the middle of the night in some random woods and covered in blood, but that you were found by three men who care about you and despise you all at once? One tries to express his brotherly love by lying and keeping me away from some woman, who promised to keep me safe by giving me a rosary. Another is rather indifferent about this whole situation, but acts like the peace maker. The last one, the oldest of the three, is ensuring my life is absolutely miserable by all means. And for someone who can't remember a thing, there are some things that shouldn't make sense to me, like how I would know what retro was, does make sense.
And why? I don't know.
Maybe Bobby hates me because he still sees me as that guy that betrayed and nearly killed them. Maybe that creepy guy from the cornfield and this 'Belle' has a part to play in all of this. Worse yet, what if they are the cause of all this? The scar's, the memory loss, Bobby's hatred, Dean's lies, Sam's conflict...
Two people.
Is that all it takes to turn things upside down?
I took one look at that creepy sales man and my body burns. My head aches horribly and my heart races faster than a track runner. I can't breath, I can't move, my stomach's in knots.
What is wrong with me? Why am I this way?
"I have a meeting with the guys this weekend, Momma. I can't travel with you this time."
"Now, Michael, baby, I don't want you to fret over not being able to travel with me." She gave a fake sniffle, pretending to wipe a tear off her cheek. "You're getting older every day, getting to be more like an adult, and with that comes with a different set of responsibilities."
"Oh, please don't say great power comes great responsibility." Michael shook his head, staring out the window, fighting back a laugh. Momma thanked the girl at the drive threw window and drove ahead. She stopped at the end of the drive threw, giving the car's behind them enough space to get around while Momma threw away all the excess trash in her SUV. Michael dug out two yellow wrappers holding their 'buck burger's', handing one to his mother and pulled apart the wrapper on his.
"My dear boy is becoming a man." Momma exaggerated, placing her fingers over her heart, pretending to sob and her lip quivered. "Oh woe is my heart! My dear boy will graduate high school and, then off to some out of state college. Then he'll get a job, find a beautiful wife. He will never find time to be with his old mother."
"Stop that!" Michael laughed, playfully elbowing her, taking a bite out of his cheeseburger.
Although he knew that the cheeseburger was so greasy that it made the buns slippery, the cheese tasted a bit like plastic, and the only good thing about the pseudo food item were the two pickle slices in the center. It was something special to both Michael Wilson and his mother. Eating these terrible burgers became a mother-son tradition that started back when his father was just starting his career as a nurse. While his father worked 12 to 20 hour days, his mother struggled to keep things afloat with her job as a barista at the local cafe. At night, when she got off after five, she would treat five year old Michael to a cheap dinner and talk about the days they've spent apart. She kept up with the tradition for over 12 years, and it always warmed their hearts.
"Well, who do we have here?" Michael looked over at the windshield just as they approached a kid with his hood up, walking along the side walk in front of the mini-mall. As they drove by, the kid looked back at them and Michael saw a slightly familiar face.
"Hey Momma, hold on. Can you pull over?" As if she read his mind, Momma had already pulled the car to a stop at the curb and Michael had hopped out of the car. "Hey!"
I stopped as soon as the car did and I saw Mike, tall and muscular, jump out of the car, holding his thick, burgendy jacket close to himself. As if it were cold outside. I can't tell, this hoodie and heavy back pack is making me sweat, so the breeze and cool air feels amazing.
"Hey, it's Cas, right? The new kid? I'm Mike. From school?" He took a couple of steps toward me. I stared at him intensely, clutching my bag tightly. Sure, I recognize him, but this was the first time someone had pulled up to me while I was walking home. I've had several cars honk at me and some pull up on the curb, but it was just to drop off their passenger. And, as a matter of fact, this is the first time someone has spoken to me outside of school and home. My flight or fight instincts kicked in again, my other hand flattened against my rosary and I took a step back when he got too close to me. We stood in front of the closed store, the lights gleamed down on us. Mike tilted his head. "Where are you going, man? It's dark out. Kinda dangerous to be walkin' this late at night."
What should I say? This is my first encounter with someone I know outside of school and the house. What do I say to people I, hardly, know?
"Uhhhh..."
I was lost for words, oddly, I was debating about bolting it across the street. Dean and Sam did warn me about stranger danger before leaving. But, Mike is not a stranger.
The only thing I knew for certain was that I wanted to be alone, I was still fuming about this whole situation with Bobby. I didn't want Mike to know about my difficult situation, Lord only knows what door will open if I mention the abuse and, in a sense, abandonment. But it was dark, the wind was picking up and it was getting late, maybe Mike will give me a ride home.
Ok, now to go about asking for that favor...
"You live out this way?" He asked. Wow, mind reader. And he started looking at the houses across the street, as though searching for my house. Boy, he's in for a surprise. But, should I tell him the truth? Maybe, if Bobby's not at the house, I can enjoy the solitude locked in my bedroom. Maybe I'll be in luck, Bobby won't be home until tomorrow night and I don't have to go back to school. Today was just too overwhelming.
"Y-yeah."
"How far?"
Oh, right...um...there are a lot of buildings near my house...so...
"My home is passed this Decker Sports and Cinema West." I spoke slowly, trying to remember the names of the buildings near my home. I stopped when I started feeling my face warming up and my fingers fidgeting with the backpack strap. Am I embarrassed or something? "I think it used to be a farm, it was turned into a scrap yard..."
"And you said it's passed the movie theater?" He asked slowly, his dark eyes giving me a hard, questionable look.
I nodded slowly. Maybe the truth was a bad idea...
"You've walked from the school, and you're hardly half way there!" He exclaimed with a wide eyes, his expression changed to absolute shock in a blink of an eye. Oh boy, now what? "Do you know how far that is?"
I glanced around me, if I had walked a bit faster, I'd probably be past the grocery store. Instead, I'm standing in front of the closed mini mall in the dark all because I lolly-gagged. I don't know why I was dragging my feet, I just can't bring myself to walk any faster than what I was doing. I couldn't bring myself to care.
"I-it's no big deal, really. My ride didn't show again, there was no one else at the school and I've done this before..." Oh great, now I'm rambling. And did I need to tell him that last part?
"You have?"
"Yes." I gulped. "Yesterday, my ride forgot about me."
His eyes softened and his expression turned into something similar to pity. "Where are your parents?"
"I don't know." That was the truth. I don't have a mom. And I would guess Bobby's either at home or in the garage. But nothing was definite, I didn't have an exact answer, except for the fact that Bobby's not here like he promised. And if he does this again tomorrow, I think it'll be time to rethink my whole housing and familial situation.
"Come on." He commanded, holding his arm out, gesturing for me to follow him. His dark brown eyes still soft, but also, a hint of demanding like a mother trying to comfort here lost child after being told not to venture into the woods at night. My mouth fell open slightly, my heart soared and quickened. Was he for real? Am I getting a ride home? "It's cold and dark out here, man. My mom and I will give you a ride home."
Yes!
I didn't need to be told twice. I followed Mike up to his really cool, and very sleek car. Mike opened the back passenger side door and nearly shoved me in. Once I was in, Mike jumped into the seat in front of me, rubbing his arms and blowing into his large hands. I was swallowed by the comforting heat of the car, the dull silence and a gross smell swam up my nostrils. Gross smell, yet my stomach still growled. Beside Mike was a woman with dark, curly hair and wearing a deep red coat.
"Momma, this is Cas Winchester. Friend of mine from school." Mike introduced me to the woman in the driver seat. I lowered my hoodie down around my neck, allowing her to see my face and know that I wasn't some thug hiding his face. Am I Mike's friend? I guess if he say's so. I looked up at her and met her gaze in the rear view mirror. Her brown eyes looked back at me with kindness in the mirror, the skin bulged underneath her eyes like she was smiling, her gold eye shimmered in the dim glow of the store lights. "Cas, this is my mom, Arianna Olsyn."
"Hello, dear. Heading home?" She asked with a friendly smile, her voice smooth and kind. "You must be new. I've met most of Michael's friends, and a new friend is, always, a welcomed sight."
"Y-yes, ma'm."
"Where do you live, Cas?"
"You know that one street that leads out into the country?" Mike spoke up. "You know, out by Ryan Paxton's place?"
They know Ryan? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? And if they know Ryan's house, does that mean they have seen Bobby and I? Or the man in the field?
I saw her dark brown eyes go wide with shock in the mirror.
"My goodness." She whispered, as she grabbed the ball in the center between her and Mike, pulled it down, spun the wheel a bit and drove off. "You were going to walk out that far and from the school? You must be exhausted."
Now that she mentioned it, I was pretty tired and hungry. A loud grumble from my stomach made the red and heat return to my face. I pray neither of them heard that, the sooner I get home, the sooner I can hide out in my room with snacks galore.
Now that I think about it, if Bobby's not home, what am I gonna do about dinner? Or would I have to do it on my own again?
Here we go again with the mental questionnaire.
"Here, eat up." Damn, Mike must've heard my stomach go off because he handed me a white bag with a huge 'M' on the front. The familiar scent of grease food filled my nostril's and my stomach growled loudly for the third time. Embarrassed, I took the food.
"T-thank you." I mumbled as I reached into the bag, my fingers touched the salty fries. Before I knew it, I was shoveling fries into my mouth in a very greedy manner. I paused and glanced up, hoping neither of them were watching me eat.
Ease up, there, Cas!
Dean? Why does he sound so distant?
Wait, that's right. Last time I ate fries was when I was with Dean. At the diner with Sam and Bobby. One of the few times I got actual answer's about who I was, and a bit of who I am going to be. I felt lost and disoriented back then, sadly, I feel more lost now than I did...what...a week ago?
Seriously? Only one week has passed? That can't be. I've gone from being hated to being...what is worse than being hated? Dead? Why can't he understand that I am not him!? I'm not! I do not deserve this kind of hatred! I'm no Angel! I am just a kid! A lost, unloved orphan!
I swallowed the mouthful of food, pretending it was a weapon to stop the tears forming and falling. I am not pathetic!
As I ate, Arianna drove us out of the parking lot and back onto the highway, heading towards my house.
"Are your parents home, Cas?" She asked, looking at me in the mirror again. Is everything about this woman kind? Are all mother's like this? If so, Bobby needs to find a woman, so I can have one of those.
I swallowed another handful of fries, wiping my salty, greasy fingers on a napkin from the bag. Ok, I've explained this once before, I think I got the nack of it.
"I... think my dad might be," I started off, slowly. It's still hard to address Bobby as my dad. Well, considering I don't know what a dad is or does, might as well deal with it. "I tried to get a hold of him awhile ago, after school, but he hasn't responded."
"Does your father have any medical problems? Maybe he's at the hospital and couldn't get a hold of you." Arianna asked, stopping at a red light.
"Medical problems?" The word seemed so foreign to me. I hope she doesn't think I'm some kind of idiot living under a rock out in the country. Well, if she knows where Ryan Paxton lives, I doubt she thinks that.
"Cancer? Heart disease? High blood pressure? Things like that. I can see if dad has seen him in the E.R." Mike explained, taking a long drink from his cup and the light turned green.
"N-no, not that I'm aware of."
"What's his name? I'll have my husband check if he's there." Arianna stopped at another red light. Wow, I guess if you hit one red light, you hit them all.
"Bobby Singer." Uh oh, I hope the fact that he has a different last name doesn't raise a red flag. Kenny had asked me that question at the boulder this morning, and thank God Reno distracted him because I couldn't think of an answer. Better start thinking of one now! And think of something quick! Something to get their minds off of the names! "We just moved here a little while ago from Wisconsin with my...brother's..."Please get this shovel out of my hand! I keep digging myself deeper into a hole! "My brother's are away for work."
"Goodness, moving from Wisconsin to Iowa is quiet a move." Arianna stated, bringing a huge relief to my rapidly beating heart. This awkward part of the conversation was put behind me. Mike jumped in and started talking about his day at school, giving me some notes about what to do about bullies, something about finals in December, Choir performances, and other random topics that he deems are important enough to share with me until we drove up to my dark house.
Oh no.
I waved them farewell and walked up to the door. The windows were dark, the wind whistled in the trees, the headlights provided light up to the door. Which is a blessing because I do not want to fall on my face in front of Mike and his mom. Man, that would be beyond awkward! After thanking the Olsyn family for their kindness, I made my way up to the house. Arianna kept the car in park, wanting to make sure I got in safely. The house was eerily quiet, almost lifeless. I pulled the screen door away, grabbed the door knob and turned. A cold wave washed over my heart at the new reality I had to face.
"No. Oh, you have gotta be kidding me, Bobby. Not now. Please." I mumbled, clutching the door knob harder, twisting left and right, and nearly dislocated my shoulder trying to knock it down.
Please open! I want to go home! Let me in! Open, damn door! No! No! No!
I released a shaky sigh, my heart racing again and my chest grew tight.
I'm locked out. Bobby's not home. What do I do now?
Leave, Castiel.
I looked up, watching the shadows around me. I heard a voice, but why am I only seeing my own? Great, now I'm a fucking mad man.
Leave, Castiel.
I ignored the 'voice in my head', yanked my phone out of my hoodie pocket and dialed Bobby's number.
Ring
Ring
Ring
You have reached the voicemail box of-
Bobby locked me out. And the bastard's not even home or picking up his phone. Lord only knows where he is or what has happened to him. Great, just great. Now what am I suppose to do? I stared at my phone, praying that Bobby would just send me a text message, giving me a sign that he knows I'm home. What could have happened to him that was so bad that I have been forgotten?
Maybe that's why he didn't come down stairs to get me this morning. And why he drove like a madman to get me to school. He's leaving me. A week has passed and he's fed up with me. That hurts like hell.
"Whats wrong?" Arianna asked, walking up behind me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. She's so sneaky! I had completely forgotten she was in her car behind me, no doubt, watching me try to break into my own house. Even with being blinded by the bright headlights, I could see that her dark brown eyes showed heavy concern, glancing at all the windows on the front of the house, as if expecting one of them to turn on. Then, she looked back at me. "Is he not home and still not answering the phone?"
She can help.
No, I can't. If I'm such a burden to Bobby, I couldn't bare being a burden to another person. Not someone who has been so kind to offer me a ride home and her food. How could I impose any further? And yet, my gut was telling me to do it.
"I...I think he went out for a little bit, I'm sure he'll be back." I don't know why I said that. At the same time, I was praying Bobby would send me a text or just call now, giving her a reason to just leave me here. But, as I stood there shivering from the cold air, I am beginning to wonder if Bobby would be back tonight. Or worse, what if that guy in the cornfield took him? What all can I do? I can't spend all night waiting for him, I wouldn't even know where to begin to look.
I'm trapped again.
"Do you have someplace to wait? Or another relative you can stay with?" Arianna asked. I blinked, realizing she was just inches away from me. I could smell some kind of sweet scent coming off of her. She leaned back slightly and turned her head to look at something to her right. I followed her gaze to Ryan's house, dark just like mine. "Hmmm, Ryan's at work tonight, and it looks like Rodger took the kids somewhere tonight. So, he's not an option. And you said your brother's are out of town on business, so I doubt they are an option."
"I can wait inside the garage. Bobby might be in there." Why did I say that? She can, clearly, see that there is no one in the garage.
She tilted her head at me and gave me a look of extreme disbelief. A second later, she shook her head and, gently, grasped the sleeve on my hoodie. "Come with me, honey. You can stay with us tonight."
"I-I-I couldn't- I mean...I think Bobby will be back...I mean..." I didn't know what to say that would convince her otherwise. Her eyes had hardened, but not in an intimidating kind of way. I could still feel her kindness through those eyes, but something told me that I dare not say 'no' again in front of her.
"I'm not giving you an option. I will not leave you here locked outside your house with no where else to go." She interrupted in one of those tone's, one of those that you better not say 'no' to unless you want to start an argument. One that I was not going to win anyway. I imagined Bobby wringing my neck tomorrow, getting all sorts of pissy that I didn't come home last night, give me the whole 'why didn't you call' bull shit. And just that though itself made me not even want to set foot in the house.
Whatever, Bobby.
"Yes ma'm."
With that, she smiled and wrapped her arm around me, half guiding and half pushing me back to the car. She opened the back passenger door and I jumped in. I sighed, quietly as she climbed into the driver seat.
"Michael, we're heading home." She explained, buckling her seat belt and pulled on the ball again. "Cas will be staying with us for tonight. Do you mind lending him some clothes?"
"Not at all. It's been a long time since I've had a friend over."