Trigger Warning! Pregnancy loss, if this upsets you please click away
Chapter Seven: Baby Blues
I still can't believe it's been six months since Tony helped us get our dream home. Six months of pure bliss with my gorgeous wife. I'm sitting on the couch when I feel two arms wrap around me, I look up and see Wanda with the cutest smile on her face. It usually means she wants something from me, hopefully I don't have to kill another spider. She flops on the couch and I set the book I was reading down on the coffee table; I meet her gaze and her smile grows bigger. Her expression becomes that of nerves and it becomes clear she wants something because she starts tapping her index fingers together like a child asking for ice cream.
"Okay missy what do want?", I say as I boop her nose
Her smile fades and she looks down nervously, I put her hands in mine and kiss her knuckles to reassure her. "My love you know you can always tell me anything that's on your mind", I say as I gently place my hand on her cheek.
She takes a deep breath and looks me straight in the eyes. "I want a baby", she says with a shaky voice.
I'm stunned and left speechless by her words; the word baby just keeps replaying in my mind. I want a baby too so very desperately. 'speak stupid', I think to myself as my wife is still looking in my eyes; looking for an answer within them. I start to cry and nod my head, still unable to speak. She too starts to cry and jumps into my arms.
The English language finally returns to me and I speak once more. "So what's the plan? Do you want to adopt", I say still hugging her.
She gets up out of my arms and returns to the other side of the couch. "No, I want to carry", she said placing a gentle hand on her stomach. "It's been my dream since I was just a little girl".
"Then so it shall be my love", I say as I kiss her forehead.
I get up off the couch and go to my home office and open up my laptop, I search for the best fertility clinics in the New York area. I find one and call Wanda into my office and she pulls up a chair next to me.
"I think I found a good place", I say still scrolling through the company's website. "It has great reviews and the services definitely fit our budget".
"I'll call and make an appointment right now", Wanda says as she pulls out her phone.
Shes on hold for a little while but finally gets through to the receptionist. She paces back and forth around the room; she always does that when she gets nervous.
She finally hangs up and looks at me. "Our appointment is a week from today, the lady said since we're just looking for a sperm donor that the doctors will be able to inseminate me the same day", she says with a huge smile from ear to ear.
I get up out of my chair, put my arms around her and spin her around as we're both laughing with joy. The thought of being a mother with Wanda is a thought that brings me so much comfort. Holding my baby and watching the sunrise as my wife holds my waist while we sway gently back and forth to keep them asleep is what I believe to be heaven in its earthly form.
One week later:
We're sitting in the waiting room and I'm shaking my leg anxiously. Wanda rubs my thigh trying to calm my nerves when finally, a nurse wearing green scrubs says "Mrs. Maximoff the doctor will see you now". We get up and Wanda puts her hand in mine as we walk back into the doctors office.
The appointment goes well and we choose a sperm donor with a high IQ, black hair, and grey eyes just like me. We want our baby to look as much like the both of us as possible. They inseminate Wanda and we walk out of the clinic riding a euphoric wave of joy. The doctor said she could take a home pregnancy test in three weeks but until then it's my job to make sure she takes it easy and rests.
3 weeks later:
I awake to the sound of Wanda throwing up in the bathroom. I rush in and hold her hair and rub her back as she continues to throw up in the toilet. She finally gets up and flushes, she walks over to the sink and swishes water in her mouth before brushing her teeth.
"It must have been that Chinese food we ate last night", she says still holding her stomach.
We stand there in silence when finally a lightbulb goes off above my head and I look at her in shock. "Wanda honey, it's been three weeks".
She looks at me equally as shocked and we run to put our shoes on before running to the drug store for a pregnancy test. We get the test and I stand outside the bathroom door pacing nervously as she takes the test. After she's done she opens the bathroom door.
"It takes three minutes", she says holding the test in her hands.
She sets it on the bathroom counter and we wait for what feels like an eternity; both us pace anxiously in the hallway occasionally looking at each other. The timer finally goes off and she hands the test to me knowing she can't look at it herself. I take a deep breath and look down at the test and there they are, those two little pink lines. I start to cry tears of joy and I flip the test around to show Wanda. Her mouth hangs open for a second but she then smiles and jumps into my arms. I spin her around and the joy I feel in this moment is unmatched. We immediately call the fertility clinic and they set her up an appointment with an OB-GYN for that same day so a doctor can confirm the pregnancy.
We get to the doctor's office and they take us back almost immediately. A nurse takes Wanda's blood to run it through the lab and the doctor returns quickly with the results and its positive, she's officially pregnant. Maury Povich runs through my head in this moment 'you are the father', I chuckle slightly at the thought. The doctor prescribes her prenatal vitamins and books us an appointment for three weeks out for our first ultrasound. We leave the doctor's office again riding a wave of euphoria.
3 weeks later:
I wake to the sound of my alarm and spring out of bed, I'm for sure not a morning person but today is different because we get to see our baby for the first time today. I gently wake up Wanda and we both start getting ready for the appointment, both of us equally excited for the day ahead. We get in the car and drive to the doctor's office. Once again I find myself sitting anxiously in the waiting room. The nurse takes us back, she takes Wanda's vitals and leaves the room leaving us in silence. The doctor enters the room with a charming smile on her face, knowing my wife is in good hands my nerves disappear.
"Alright ladies are you ready to see your baby", the doctor says with a sweet tone.
We both nod our heads and she tells Wanda to lay back on the table. She puts on a pair of gloves and slides the ultrasound machine out from the corner. I hold Wanda's hand as the doctor squirts a line of blue gel on her stomach. She takes the wand and starts moving it around where she placed the gel. Finally I see it, our little peanut in all their glory.
"Would you like to hear the heartbeat", the doctor said.
We both nod our heads and the doctor presses a button on the machine. The sound of our baby's heartbeat comes through the speakers, thump thump thump.
"It's so fast", I say slightly concered
"Don't worry", said Dr. Luke. "It's completely normal, the baby needs a lot of energy to grow so the heart beats faster than let's say you or I".
I breathe a sigh of relief and a single tear falls from my eye, it's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I look over at Wanda who too is shedding a small tear with the biggest smile on her beautiful face. Her gorgeous green eyes are shimmering in the light of the florescent bulbs that illuminate overhead, in that moment I fell in love with her all over again.
"You are going to be so loved", I say with pride as I look at my unborn baby
Dr. Luke does some measurements on the baby and takes a bunch of pictures for us. Everything looks great and our baby is healthy, that's all I could ever ask for; that and my wife's happiness. We spend the rest of the day fawning over the pictures of our little one and honestly it still doesn't feel real to me.
2 weeks since the ultrasound:
I awake in the dark to the feeling of a cold and sticky substance on my hand. I turn on my bed side lamp and pull the covers back only to see the bed covered in blood. I realize it's coming from Wanda and I wake her up gently.
"Honey, you're bleeding", I say trying not to scare her too much
A look a terror washes over her face and she rushes out of bed. She changes her clothes and I rush her to the hospital. They immediately rush us back and give her something for the pain in her abdomen. As we're waiting for the doctor Wanda grabs my hand tightly.
"I know our baby is gone; I can feel it. I hope one day you can forgive me", She says as tears flow down her cheeks.
I stand up and hold her in my arms. "No love, this is not your fault. I'm so sorry".
The doctor pulls back the privacy curtain and his face is grim. He looks through his chart and says in a very melancholy tone, "I'm sorry Mrs. Maximoff but unfortunately you've had a miscarriage".
We can't hold back our tears anymore and the doctor tries to comfort us in any way he can but nothing can dull the pain of losing a child.
We spend the next few hours in the emergency room waiting to be discharged and we don't say much to each other. I mean what is there to talk about besides what happened and I refuse to upset Wanda more than she already is. I can't believe the baby we wanted so badly is now gone; it feels like there's a whole in my heart that can't be filled with anything. Wanda is still in a lot of pain so when we get home I carry her upstairs to the bedroom, I put fresh sheets on the bed and lay her down. I cover her with the blanket and she falls asleep. I walk down stairs to the kitchen unable to sleep and pour myself a drink, lord knows I've earned it. I sit on the couch in silence still not being able to comprehend what happened to us tonight. I have to be strong for Wanda, I have to be able to give her what she needs right now and that's love and support. I finish off my drink and my eyes start to feel heavy; I lay down on the couch and finally dose off.
Footnotes: Hello everyone! First off, I wanted to apologize for this chapter taking so long to get written and uploaded. Second, I know this chapter is dark but I wanted to show that this stuff really does happen and pregnancy is not always perfect. Fucked up shit happens in life and there's so many women who suffer from infertility and miscarriages. If you suffer from any of those things I am so sorry and you have my love and support and my heart goes out to you. Thank you for reading and if you know someone who has fertility issues please reassure them that they are strong and beautiful. I hope you all have a great day and I will try to upload as soon as possible.