His Euphoria.
A/N: Hi, I'm back! Here's a new chapter, and my apologies for the delay, I'm a busy university student. I hope you guys like this chapter, kindly leave your thoughts in the reviews! It would mean a lot to me. Thank you so much for reading!
Disclaimer: All rights go to the creator and author of Ranma ½, Rumiko Takakashi.
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"I don't want to be the one doing the talking here, I mean at least not before you tell me everything. Is there anything you'd like me to know about, Ranma?"
"Know? Know what?"
"Just tell me anything, about how you are feeling?"
"It…it just hits you suddenly, Akane. It happens in the middle of the day, when I'm surrounded by our friends and the sun is out when we leave school. But I can sense that something isn't right. There is this feeling, a very uncomfortable feeling in my mind, in the pit of my stomach. At that point, all I want is to go somewhere dark and quiet. Akane, it feels like being consumed. Consumed by what? My thoughts. They're dark and so horrid, and it scares me. And then what can I do? Suffer? I've been doing that for so long. But sometimes the suffering gets too much. I can't handle the darkness that's pulling me into an eternal abyss. At some point, I feel trapped, I feel deep inside this horrible, disgusting feeling and all I want is to….to just cry. That's how suffering feels. This constant feeling of being trapped and not being able to do anything to stop it. It devours me inside and outside. And I feel like it's…starting t-to control me."
As Ranma finishes, his breathe started getting heavier with every passing second and suddenly everything is too much.
He feels himself falling into a panic attack, heart ramming rapidly against his chest, hands closed tightly into fists as he tries to focus on his breathing, but his attempts to do so fail as his stomach twists, his chest constructing against itself painfully.
A pair of warm hands on his back and the gentle breeze engulf his senses and then he feels suffocated, only now realizing where he is.
"Ranma, can you hear me? I'm here."
Ranma blinked, he was bracing himself for the worst. A couple of insults or a full lecture that won't ever end, at least from his experience that's how it is. He was so used to his dad's disapproving sharp remarks and his over-the-top scolding whenever he makes a mistake that it seemed like second nature to receive harsh words. So, when he hears Akane's calm and serene voice, void of any sign of disappointment or criticism, it completely catches him off guard. It's so foreign, the tone, the words so unfamiliar to his ears so he finds himself wondering for the second time this night why does it sound so soothing to him?
"I can hear you breathing, Ranma. Look around you, I'm still here, you're okay. That's good, just keep taking deep breaths, okay? You're doing good."
When was the last time someone told him he was doing good? Scratch that, when was he ever told he did anything good in his life? Did he ever receive those words? For his entire life, he's been blamed for things and a lot of people's misfortunes around him. Now that he's really hearing those words from her, he doesn't know what to make of it, he doesn't even know if he's allowed to believe them.
"Okay, that's better. Good job, you did well."
Silence stretches between them for a long time again, it was long enough to let Ranma think that maybe he's imagining everything that's currently happening for the second time in this long night, but then he hears her voice again and suddenly everything is real.
"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, but I want you to listen to what I have to say, okay? Just listen."
Ranma manages a slight nod, his breathing getting easier.
"Thank you for trusting me to talk about how you've been feeling. And, honestly, it's terrible, I can't imagine how hard it has been hard for you to bear all of this alone. A-and I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you when you needed someone to talk to," her voice shakes slightly at this, and to his surprise he sees tears brimming at her eyes threatening to fall at any second, but she swallows and manages to go on. "You have been going through a lot, and you have guilt inside your heart, even though it's not your fault. You've been blaming yourself for the things that has been happening to you and the people around you, and you're wrong about it. The way you judge yourself is too harsh, too biased, and too wrong. You're wrong because you wouldn't be beating yourself down if you weren't a good person. Because good people are always hard on themselves and always think they're lacking in something. Because good people always are selfless and think of how they hurt others instead of how they hurt themselves. You're a good person. An incredible being who deserves all the love."
It takes a lot to make Ranma cry, he's a material artist, a man and his father had taught him that crying is for the weak. Yet somehow, he feels tears coming to his eyes, his hands shaking slightly and the intense emotions he's feeling right now. Don't, he tells himself, hold it in.
Akane gently put her arms around him pulling him into a hug, she knew that he's fighting his emotions, that he doesn't want to cry in front of her, and her action was just a pure affirmation, a reassurance to him.
"Akane," he croaks his voice hoarse from the lump stuck in his throat, "please."
"Ranma, it's okay to cry, it's okay not to be okay. There is nothing wrong in feeling those emotions, they are a part of you, they are what make you human. You're allowed to let it out, it's okay, alright?" She murmured softly, her hands moving from his back to ruffle his hair gently.
Ranma couldn't stop himself, he knew even if he tried, he felt something break inside him, for the second time of the night. He held into Akane, enveloping her into an even more intimate embrace, tears stung into his eyes, as he buried his face into her hair, and he cried like he never had in his entire life. He felt her shaking in his arms, her hands tangled into his shirt, she was crying, too. And so, they clung into each other through the night, their shoulders shaking and shuddering with the weight of it.
"Akane?" Ranma pulled away slightly after they both calmed down a little, his face immediately softening at the sight of her tear-streaked face, he gently wiped away the tears with his thumb. "Why are you crying?"
"B-because you have been going through all of this, and I didn't know, all by yourself. And I was thinking of how horrible it is, how it made you feel, to be alone, and i-it's making my heart hurt, I should have known, I should have been here to help," she said earnestly, not breaking eye contact with him. At her statement, Ranma's heart soared, she cared about him, she came to talk to him, she listened to him, and now she's crying because of imagining his loneliness? How could Akane be so sweet? Gazing at her beautiful face that was cupped by his hands, slightly dimmed by the moonlight. He felt his heartbeat increasing rapidly. Thinking of how damn lucky he was to have him her by his side.
"You're really an idiot, Akane," Ranma whispered a smile crept into his face.
"What?" She snapped irritably, her face instantly turning into a frown, causing Ranma to laugh. "Do you find this funny, tell me what's so funny?"
"Jeez, I'm sorry. I was just joking. What I meant is that you shouldn't feel bad, I mean it's not your fault, its mine, I should have asked for help. But you know how it is with me and this kind of stuff," Ranma said, rubbing the back his neck sheepishly. Akane smiled at this, she knew what he meant.
"I understand. But I want to know, did talking to me make you feel a little better? Did it make a difference?" She asked, and he nodded.
"It made all the difference, I mean it feels like a heavy weight has been lifted of my chest," Ranma answered.
"And it makes me so happy to hear this," Akane said gently smiling.
"Akane, C-can I ask you something?" Ranma said hesitantly.
"Yeah, of course," she said encouragingly.
"W-well, the thing is, I didn't know that talking to someone or having someone to listen to you talk freely, would feel this good. A-and, y-you're good at it. So, uh, if you don't m-mind can we do this more o-often? I'm not f-forcing you or a-anything and if you don't want to," he trailed off uncertainly waiting for her reaction.
To his surprise she erupted into a fit of giggles, Akane found it amusing, Ranma Saotome the arrogant, confident guy looking so endearingly shy and unsure of himself. I could get used to this side of him, Akane thought to herself.
"Tell me when you're done laughing, Akane," Ranma said folding his arms in front of his chest, turning his head away from her.
"Sorry, sorry! I was about to ask you the same thing, too. So, I got surprised when you did, it's just so…unlike you," Akane said.
"Well, okay. So how are we going to do this?"
"Maybe we start meeting here on the rooftop, I like the atmosphere here, it's quiet and it's better than the daytime, what do you think?" Akane said her brows knitted together, indicating that she's in deep thought. She's so freakin' cute, Ranma thought.
"That's fine by me, at least there won't be any possible distractions at a time like this," he said, "and maybe we could do our morning exercise together?" he added hastily.
"Wouldn't I be in your way, though?" Akane said softly, her eyes downcast, making Ranma's heart feel a pang of guilt.
"No, you wouldn't. You're really good, and there are a lot of things we can practice together," he paused clearing his throat, "I..I never really meant any of the things that I've told you when we fight."
Akane just froze, blinking rapidly. Did he just actually call me good? He praised my skills and even apologized?
"That's okay, I never meant any of the stuff that I said either, you know and I'm sorry," she said timidly, her cheeks turning pink slightly. Ranma smiled at that, his favorite side of Akane was when she got shy, the way her cheeks would flush, the way she wouldn't meet his eyes, the way she nervously played with her hands. A sudden thought snapped him back from his reverie.
"Akane? How long have we been here?"
"Huh? Wait," she said glancing at her watch, "Oh my God, it's 5:30. We've been here for two hours and a half! And we have school," she raised her voice at the last part as realization hit her, causing Ranma to chuckle.
"We'd better try to sleep for an hour, then," Ranma said getting up, Akane following him.
"Hey, Akane?"
"Hmm?" She replied.
"Thank you for today, I enjoyed talking to you like this," Ranma said, giving her one of his rare sincere smiles.
"You are welcome, and I feel the same too," Akane replied smiling, the smile that he loved, the smile that held so much warmth and kindness.