The car ride home was quick and quiet. I lived in the next neighborhood over, just too far to walk alone, especially when heels were the only shoes I had. I was grateful that Grace was willing to drive me home despite everything that was going on.
I thought about asking more about how her mom was doing, if she'd heard from her dad, but both didn't seem appropriate things to pry about. She would share with me in time if she was comfortable. For now, I would have to work on being a better friend, which I owed her.
She pulled the car into the driveway and cut the engine.
"Thanks again, Grace. And I'm really sorry about your dad. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me," I said.
"Yeah, it's… yeah," she replied. I could tell she was about to say "it's fine," but it wasn't, and we both knew that.
"Go home and get some rest, okay?" I said. Maybe I hadn't ruined her morning entirely.
"Not likely. My mom has been on a huge purging binge since dad left. I'll probably get roped into cleaning."
"I don't blame her, she needs a distraction. I'm sure she feels comfort from your company," I replied. I couldn't imagine everything she is feeling right now.
"Yeah, you're probably right…" she said, staring out of the window and getting lost in a thought.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked.
"I'll let you know," Grace replied. That wasn't a no, so I'd take it. I leaned over to give her a quick hug from the passenger seat. "Thanks for everything, I mean it. I owe you. And I'm here if you need anything." I said. She didn't reply, but took a deep breath. I took that as my sign to let her go. I had a lot of work to do to regain her trust, and we were working with baby steps.
We said a quick goodbye, and I got out of the car. I was anxious to face my parents, but I could handle them. I was more worried about repairing a friendship that I had fractured without even noticing.
I tried to calm myself while approaching the front door. I knew I had to play it cool. I couldn't tip off that I was aware I had broken the rules, otherwise my parents would see right through me. I had to pretend like I'd done nothing wrong, just crashed with a friend for the night after a stupid school dance.
I entered the door to a peaceful house, it was eerily quiet. Normally at this hour my mom would be fixing breakfast or rushing around the house doing chores while my dad slept in, but the place was still. I placed my shoes in the entryway closet and walked quietly towards the stairs. I wasn't trying to sneak, but I thought if I could make it upstairs without being stopped that wouldn't be the worst thing. I started to climb the stairs when I heard my dad call my name from the kitchen.
"One second, daddy, I wanna drop my stuff off in my room," I said with the most pleasant and casual tone I could muster for 8am.
"That can wait," he said with a stern tone. I knew better than to argue. I dropped the bag at the foot of the stairs and moved to meet him in the kitchen. He was leaning against the kitchen counter, my mother sitting at the kitchen table quietly. She looked nervous, and he looked calculated. I decided to move about the kitchen and begin preparing myself breakfast. I grabbed a pan out from the cabinet and went to the fridge to pull out the carton of eggs. Keeping busy would be best to prevent them from spotting the anxiety on my face right away.
"Morning! I ended up crashing at Grace's last night. A couple of kids went to the 24 hour diner after the dance and we lost track of time. By the time we got done, it was too late to call and I figured you guys were asleep." My parents were used to me and my friends spending time at the diner, it's where all the local kids went to hang out and study late. They usually didn't mind, and this also wasn't the first time I had crashed with a friend instead of coming home. I had never gotten in trouble for that before because they trusted my friends, so I was hoping the story was solid enough to work again this time.
"Do you know how worried we were?" My dad said. I could've predicted he would act this way. The interesting part is, I know he probably wasn't concerned about my well being at all. He didn't care where I was. He was just mad I didn't follow his rules, and he needed to assert his dominance to gain control of his household again.
"I'm sorry, you didn't need to worry. I just crashed with Grace," I said, grabbing the loaf of bread from the pantry. I put two slices in the toaster while the stove was heating up.
"Were you with that boy?" He demanded. My mom sat silently at the table but she sipped her coffee cup, her grip too tight. We both knew where this was going. We had to, being the only women in the house. My job was strictly to placate, and somehow my mom got away with being the defenseless wife time and time again.
"There were a lot of kids there but no, I think he had left by then." I said. It was safe to focus my attention strictly on the diner trip and play dumb. I knew how this worked, and I had to act the role he assigned me.
"You think… well I hope you're happy because that will never happen again." He said in an even, decisive tone. I began cracking the eggs into the pan.
"Don't worry, the dance was incredibly lame. I don't think I'd go to the prom if you paid me," I said, trying to lighten the mood. He scoffed, then got quiet. The toaster popped. As I moved to grab the toast, he spoke again.
"Annie, why would you let that boy do that to you?!" He exploded. Ah, here's what I was waiting for. He was all over the place with his emotions, which was when things got scary. One moment he's calm, the next he's explosive with his accusations. It was impossible to predict what was coming next, therefore a struggle to know how to react.
"Do what?" I asked. I wasn't going to bring up the kiss if he didn't call it out plainly. We were in risky territory and I didn't want to push it.
"You know what he did. Do you want to be known as a slut," he said, emphasizing the insult to the point of spitting, and it made me jolt. He was all about preserving my image, and being seen kissing a Munson wasn't his ideal for his perfect girl. I had gotten many a lecture about my chastity, not being "loose" like some of the other girls in Hawkins.
I didn't respond. I knew better than to speak up and say the wrong thing.
"What excuse are you going to come up with this time, Annie? Huh?!" My dad said. He was goading me at this point. Enjoying my discomfort. "Say something!" he said with his voice raised.
"I didn't do anything," I said under my breath, full attention on flipping the eggs. I knew it was the wrong choice, but I was getting worked up and my throat was getting choked up.
In a matter of two seconds he advanced upon me, grabbing my wrist that was holding onto the frying pan. The eggs went flying with the force used against me, and I let go of the hot pan as it clattered to the floor. I gasped and grabbed at my wrist, but he didn't let go, holding it up firmly. He got his power by making others feel small. Asserting his dominance made him feel in complete control. He didn't care that he was hurting his daughter, or scaring his wife. I struggled in his grasp but he didn't let up.
"Annie, you know better than to be seen with that lowlife. To see him put his hands on you makes me fucking disgusted. To let him kiss you… A boy like that will ruin you. He'll steal your future. You are not permitted to see him again." He said, fire in his eyes.
I struggled to adjust his grasp, his fingernails were tearing into my wrist. Tears were stinging in my eyes, but he didn't let go. My mom didn't move an inch, watching safely from the kitchen table. Her eyes were almost glossed over, a defense mechanism. I wanted to scream at her to help me, do something to stop this, but it was no use. I was a caged bird with no voice. He could push me around easily, being his offspring, but she was a different story. My mom lived in a mental prison of his own doing, built over 25 years of subtle manipulation and bullying. There was nothing she could do really to help me. I knew that, but it didn't mean I didn't resent her for it.
"Annie, swear to me you will not see that boy again." He said sternly.
"I'm not seeing him-" I began to argue, but he gripped my arm harder.
"Swear to me." He urged.
"I swear," I replied, the tears coming out of my eyes. I just wanted this to end.
He released my arm suddenly with enough aggression to make me stumble backwards. I massaged my wrist as he began making his exit. Before he left the kitchen he turned to me and said, "you're grounded until the end of Fall Semester. And clean this up." His tone was almost robotic. And with that, he was gone. When he was gone, my mom stood up from the table to help me. She tried to speak, but I didn't want to hear it. Angrily with tears falling, I left the mess for her to clean and stormed upstairs.
….
I spent the rest of the day in my bedroom trying to get ahead on the English paper and distract myself from my dad's blowup. What a shit show. It went just about how I had expected, but I was still deeply hurt by the whole altercation. I knew it was going to be bad, but my dad still had a way of surprising me. My mom tried to come up and talk to me more than once, but I refused. What could she say that would make it any better? How could she sit there and refuse to defend her only daughter?
Still, I couldn't regret my decision not to go home last night. I just hated that there was now so much at stake in my life. My relationship with my parents was nearly irreparable and I just was biding my time until graduation. My friendship with my best friend was fractured and I was desperate to mend it. And my budding romance with Eddie was seemingly dead on arrival just as things were getting good. With me being on house arrest for the rest of the semester, I couldn't tell how that would bode for us. I wasn't sure how things could get worse. I was desperate to talk to Eddie, but knowing I would have to wait until Monday was killing me. With each passing hour, self doubt was building. I went to bed that evening imagining all the things I would say to Eddie on Monday, and my subconscious was filling in the gaps of all the ways it could go wrong. All the ways he could reject me. I had a hard time staying asleep that night as I imagined every horrible scenario…
The following afternoon, I was allowed to have my friends Grace, Claire and Eve over to study in lieu of being allowed to leave the house. At least my mom had let me honor the study date I had previously set with the girls. I called each of them up to let them know of my house arrest, and they all agreed to the change of plans.
We were sitting on the floor of my bedroom reviewing each other's English papers in a circle. I was leaning up against the back of my bed, Claire and Eve were both lying on their stomachs, and Grace sat across from me. We each had a different colored pen for edits and were passing around each other's papers. My mom had lingered for a bit, sitting on my bed and pretending to catch up with my friends. But I knew she was actually keeping tabs on us under instruction from my dad. I hadn't talked to him since yesterday morning, and I didn't really care to at this point. My friends answered her questions graciously, but we were all just waiting for her to leave.
As soon as my mom left us, the girls began quizzing me.
"So Annie, how did you end up at the dance with Eddie Munson of all people?" Claire asked. She put a harsh emphasis on his name which I didn't love. People talked about him like he was a villain simply for existing. It's true, he dressed and acted different than your average high school senior. But the truth of the matter is Eddie was very different, and that was all part of his charm.
"Yeah, when did you start hanging out with him?" Eve asked.
"So, do you guys remember how I told you I was tutoring someone in French on Thursdays after school?" I asked.
"You're tutoring EDDIE?!" Eve exclaimed. Here's example one of why I hadn't told my friends about him, until Grace recently. Eve was one for dramatics and rumors and I knew she wouldn't keep quiet if she found out.
"Yes, Ms. Lattimer asked me to tutor Eddie." I replied. "She thought it might help him actually graduate this year."
"Good luck," Grace snorted. She was never a fan of Eddie, and after last night I was doubtful she ever would come around to the idea of him spending time with me. I brushed her comment off.
"He wasn't thrilled about being tutored, he actually blew me off on our first session. But after I was able to pin him in the library with a little bribery, it wasn't so bad. We got along really well, and he actually gave me a chance. I think he wasn't being challenged in the right way, and Ms Lattimer is incredibly rigid in her teaching, so he stopped trying. But we've actually made some progress," I said. It's true, even amid all the casual flirting and bucket list planning, I had been able to help Eddie understand the material at least a little bit.
"Wow, I can't believe all this time you've been tutoring Eddie Munson." Claire shook her head. "What is he like?"
"Doesn't he scare you a little? He seems unapproachable," Eve followed up.
"He is the least scary person I know," I laughed. "He just doesn't like putting up with fake bullshit, which is basically all of high school. But if you don't bother him, he won't bother you. I learned that pretty quickly." I said.
"Yeah come to think about it, I've never had a problem with him directly. It's just mostly his already established reputation you hear about." Claire said. I sneaked a peek over at Grace. She wasn't speaking up, but she was listening and taking in what was being said.
"Don't get me wrong, he can be vicious. But only if you're on his bad side, and that is usually justified. Like Jason, who openly bullies guys like Eddie and his friends. Eddie is fiercely loyal to his friends, and Jason is a jackass who deserved it," I said. I realized how much information I was openly sharing. Until last night, my time with Eddie and my silly crush had just been a secret I kept to myself. I had been pining for him for weeks as we had gotten to know each other, and I had no one to share it with. It felt good to be able to recognize everything I had been feeling was real. And it was a relief to be able to finally share with my friends.
"Hmm, you've really gotten to know him, huh Annie?" Eve said with a smile. "Glad to know he's not so mean and scary."
"He's not mean and scary, I think you'd actually like him," I said with a smile.
"So how'd you end up at the dance with him?" Eve asked.
"Oh… well, Eddie has this senior bucket list he's been working on that he wants to tackle before he graduates. I agreed to help him get into the dance so he could knock some items off." I said, being intentionally vague. I didn't need to tip off that I was also breaking many school rules by helping him.
"So that explains the spiking the punch," Claire said.
"And the Jason incident," Eve added with a giggle.
"Speaking of Jason, who ended up winning homecoming queen?" I asked. I had exited the gym right after Eddie's stunt and missed the rest of the ceremony and the dance.
"It took a couple of minutes to settle everyone down, and even then it was complete chaos," Grace said, finally speaking up. "Of course it was Chrissy Cunningham, but she didn't know what to do, everyone was still yelling. And get this, the crown was missing when she went up to accept it. So she said a quick thank you, and left to go find Jason." Chrissy was Jason's long time girlfriend, and captain of the cheerleading squad. They were a picture perfect "it couple" and were well respected around the school. However, all of Jason's charm came from Chrissy alone. She was a good student, and nice to everyone, and deserved much better than Jason.
"I do kind of feel bad for her," Eve lamented. "She looked totally freaked, and I'm sorry for anyone who has to deal with Jason after that."
"So, about the crown…" I said, leaning over to my right and reaching to open my nightstand dresser. I pulled out the pièce de resistance, the stolen Homecoming Queen tiara. A round of gasps came from my friends immediately as they recognized what it was.
"No!" "He did not!" "How?!" they all said at once.
"Eddie snatched it while running away and gave it to me as a souvenir," I said, I couldn't hide my smiling. It felt like a secret, but it was one I was willing to share with my friends if it helped them to understand even just a little bit of what had happened.
"So he's a thief," Grace said matter of factly. She was definitely living up to her reputation of being the hardest to get on board with anything.
"It's romantic!" Eve countered, shutting Grace down.
"It was actually pretty sweet, when I left the dance I found him on the football field. He crowned me with the tiara and we danced on the field." I said.
"Oh my god, he totally likes you!" Eve exclaimed. I could tell she would be the easiest to get on board, completely caught up in the whimsy.
"That much is obvious," Grace rolled her eyes, but she too was smiling. Maybe her hearing me share details about the way Eddie treated me was helping?
"What did you and Eddie do after the dance?" Claire asked. 'What didn't we do?' I wanted to reply, but I had to be strategic in my answer.
"We fucked around on the football field until the dance was over, then he took me home," I said, becoming all too aware of the double entendre in my words. I also didn't exactly emphasize whose home he took me to. Clearly it showed, because at the beginning of my sentence Claire's eyes doubled in size. Grace, who had her own ideas about what happened after the dance, scoffed.
"Tell them whose home, Annie," Grace goaded me. She wasn't going to let this one go anytime soon.
Eve leaned forward with her chin resting in her hands, desperate to hear my reply.
"His house," I said, picking up my pen and flicking it across the room at Grace. As she brought up her arms to cover her face, the pen smacked her. "Hey!" She shot back.
"What did you do at his house?" Claire asked, her interest piqued.
"Go on, Annie, tell them," Grace said, pushing the issue again.
"Why are you so desperate to share details about something you know nothing about?" I asked, the heat rushing to my cheeks. It was an honest question, Grace didn't know anything that had happened aside from her own assumptions.
"I can take a guess, showing as how you showed up at my house yesterday morning in Eddie's clothes," Grace said, dropping the bomb she had been holding on to. She didn't seem mad necessarily. More like she was determined to embarrass me to hell and back. It was payback for needing her help.
Claire and Eve gasped in unison. Eve was practically going to pass out at this point. "Tell us everything, we need details!" She said, popping up from lying down on the ground and sitting herself up.
"Nothing happened, we talked and hung out until I fell asleep." I replied, masking the truth. This is where my lying skills flew out the window. The embarrassment about answering these questions was getting to me.
"There you go again with the 'nothing happened.' You are a horrible liar," Grace said. She was pushing her limits and was starting to get on my nerves.
"Oh would you shut up," I shot back.
"Just saying, you seem guilty of a lot more than nothing," she said, raising her hands in a self surrender.
"What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?" I said, rolling my eyes.
"What did you guys do?" Eve asked again. I could tell she was desperate for details, but it felt weird to be answering questions about the most intimate night of my life.
"We lost track of time until it was too late for me to go home, and then I fell asleep," I said, not lying entirely.
"What did you talk about?" Claire asked. I was in the hot seat, and as I looked around the room at my friends I could see they were all waiting with bated breath for my answer. Even Grace seemed on the edge of her seat.
"We didn't do much talking…" I said, lowering my head and refusing to look them in the eyes.
There was a chorus of gasps and giggles. They had descended into teenage giddiness and I knew they weren't going to let this go easily. I might as well give them a version of the truth.
"If you weren't talking, were you , what… kissing? More?" Claire asked. She wasn't afraid to ask for the gritty details.
I buried my head into my hands. "We… enjoyed each other's company," I confirmed, the sound muffled into my hands.
"I knew it!" Grace exclaimed.
"Oh my GOD you totally hooked up with him!" Eve squealed.
"I can't believe I'm talking about this with you," I said, the knot in my stomach intensifying. The girls were living for this. I was remembering all the details of that night that I would prefer to keep to myself.
"Well now you have to tell us everything," Grace laughed. "How was he?"
"I am not talking about this with you," I said, shaking my head nervously.
"Come on, you can't not share details," Claire said. I looked around at my friends and could tell that there was no getting out of this. We always shared details about our crushes and our dates, but this was bringing things to a whole new level.
"He was really great." I said. I didn't know how to elaborate without going into too much detail.
"That's it?! You can't drop that bomb and then tell us "he was great," Grace complained.
"Okay, okay, he was wonderful. He's really caring and gentle and made sure I was comfortable the whole time. He also made sure to, uhh… prioritize my needs. It was really nice." I said. I wouldn't divulge more than that, some things were meant to keep secret.
"I can see that," Claire said, nodding her head. "He's totally got you smitten, Annie." At this point I had a stupid smile on my face I couldn't wipe off. It felt good that my friends mostly seemed onboard with my unconventional choice.
"Is he big?" Eve interjected, wonder on her face. Claire howled laughing, and Grace joined.
"Eve!" I shouted, but started laughing too. She was nothing if not bold.
"What! I've gotta live vicariously through you now!" She argued.
I grabbed a pillow off my bed and buried my head in it. These girls were not afraid of taking things too far. After the laughter died down, it was Grace who finally spoke up.
"He sounds really great, Annie. I mean it." I looked up to make sure she wasn't being sarcastic. I saw sincerity in her eyes. I looked at Eve and Claire and they were nodding too.
"Yeah, it sounds like he really cares about you. And I never really thought about it before, but he's pretty cute!" Claire added.
"The cutest," I said with a smile, which they all returned.
"Wow… Who could have guessed that Eddie Munson would corrupt our sweet dear Annie?!" Claire asked. Eve and Grace's hands immediately shot up, and we all descended into girlish laughter.