Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Chapter Two

Fucking champagne, fucking quicksand, fucking eyebrow scar and smouldering eye's. Never fucking again!

As we get to the gate I ask the driver to pull up, I can walk from here. Once the code is entered I make my way up the driveway and into the house. After a quick shower to wash my makeup and him off me I look in the mirror disappointed with myself- never fucking again. Walking out of my ensuite in my pyjamas I look at my bed, there is no way I'll sleep if I climb in there. I leave my room and go to the main bedroom, I know he is alone as there is none of his usual tells in the house.

Once I've climbed into the bed I feel his arms wrap around me, he kisses my head. "I have banned that club for all future events, I'm sorry Love that should never have happened. Are you okay?"

"I slept with him."

He holds me tighter, "well it's out of the way now. You've learnt your limitation-"

"Yes he and I alone together is my limitation."

"Then Love I won't let you be alone with him again. Now no more beating yourself up, you have training at midday and you need your rest."

I snuggle back into Roy, he was more than my director in London he became my family. He realised within only a few weeks of me being in the country that I was depressed, it took a couple of wine filled dinners at his house for him to realise it had been going on for close to eighteen months. He reached out to a therapist friend of his and set up regular appointments for me, and then took it upon himself to invite me to his London or country home every weekend. After four weeks I was given keys and permanent rooms in both, I'd stay at school during the week but I would live with him on weekends.

We loved each other, he calls me his greatest muse and when he directs me he can draw greatness from me. I understand and trust what he wants for the character, I surrender my ego and my fear's knowing he's always going to take care of me. His friends have become my friends, we have dinner parties at his houses and I'm the host, invites to events are sent addressed to both of us. Half of London assumes we are together but we weren't. Roy doesn't do commitment, he enjoys the company regularly of many women, and I don't love him in that way. We understand each other perfectly and are completely comfortable with the other. He knows all my secrets, he knows me better than anyone else and I know him equally as well.

When at one of our dinner parties at his country home, a friend of his from college told him of a game his company had begun developing a year prior Roy was intrigued. Within the week he had bought the film rights and had begun working with a screen writer. Two weeks later he had arranged for me to start personal training, he said if I was going to be the female Indian Jones then I better look the part. We had been riding this wave ever since, a wave accelerated by him and the game creators desire for both to be launched at the same time ready for the Christmas sales. It was how we were back in the States no other special effects company could work as fast as the large studio's here, and we were on a deadline. He'd have never brought me back this soon otherwise.

A few hours later I hear him come back in the room in his robe, with a tray of tea and a phone being balanced on his shoulder, "yes it was a bit of a shock but you know our girl she played her part beautifully not one of them suspected that she was thrown by them all being there." He places the tray down on the table by the window and fixes me a cup, all the while talking to the person on the other end. "Yes that may not have been her most sensible move." He brings me over the saucer and cup, "yes I shouldn't have allowed that to happen but Iris you see there was this very fetching red head that wanted to hear all about my play's." As he walks back to bed bringing his own cup he moves the phone slightly away from his ear I assume because of the noise Iris is making through the phone, "yes in hindsight it may not have been worth it- a bit of a screamer you see. Gave me an awful headache." I laugh into my cup. Iris must get fed up as he hands me the phone, "shockingly she doesn't want to talk to me anymore."

"I wonder why." I lift the phone to my ear, "hi Iris, how did you know?"

"He rang looking for your contact details. I'm not sure who told him we may still speak."

"I imagine my brother, and surprisingly that means he refused to give him my cell number- that's all Brandon has to give. Sorry I disappointed you, my intention wasn't to hurt him I know this last year has been a rough one for him."

"All his year's since that summer have been rough, until he learns from his mistakes karma is going to keep sending them back at him three fold. I'm just sorry karma dragged you into this lesson."

"I willingly walked through the door, he's the love of my life I should know better than to try and tempt fate. We can't share air, he feels it to and gets trapped by it, I'm his temptress and he's my everything-" Roy gently squeezes my leg.

"You aren't his temptress that's the blonde, you're his everything too he is just lost he has been for so long. I don't think there is even a way for him to find his path again he has strayed so far from it. I told him I didn't want you to be anywhere near him, that I want more for you."

"I'm sure that went over well."

"He's stuck in the belief that this time it will be different. Brenda darling promise me you'll avoid him, you have been out of those waves for so long and he has the ability to send you right back there. Last time, well thank god for Roy he caught you before you got too low."

"It's okay Iris, Roy won't leave my side even for a red head who knows how to stroke his ego."

I giggle when he whispers, "well she knew how to do that very well."

After catching up for a few minutes with the Hawaii news I speak to Erica who tells me all about the new gossip at school and about her soccer game the previous day. For the latter Roy listens in and congratulates the young McKay. By the time I get off the phone we both have finished the pot of tea and I look at the time, I need to eat protein before I train otherwise I'll be destroyed. I cook my egg white, spinach and boiled chicken omelette, and Roy's usual Sunday fry up, we sit by the pool and have our late breakfast. We natter away as usual about the news in the paper and the latest play reviews. He likes this movies story, he loves the idea of bringing a modern female powerful and smart role model to life, but I know he misses the theatre.

A few hours later I'm in the middle of my three hour training, about ready to try the new aerial silk fabric that I need to master for the next movie when I feel him arrive. My trainer notices my body tense and tells me to get out of my head, this new fabric requires concentration.

I'm watching the training in the glass office above the floor, it's a double story training centre needed because of the aerial routine. The training floor is locked, they train with weapons and even blunt ones can still pack a punch. As I'm looking down at my girl making notes on how the scene could look based on the movements I'm seeing I hear a knock on the door, "Mr Randolph sorry to disturb but there is a Mr McKay here he told me that he is family to Miss Walsh. He's not on the list but there are other McKay's on there so I thought I should check."

Dylan lifts his eyebrow at the last information, studio security knew everything from who had walk on and who had phone call privileges, Iris and Erica had both. "That's fine Jeff, Mr McKay can come in." As Dylan walks in Jeff indicates to his clipboard silently asking if he should be added to the list I shake my head. He understands the subtle gesture.

"Dylan. I'd say I'm surprised but I'm not in the least to see you."

He gives me a curious look, "how did you know I'd come by?"

"Well apart from Brenda crawling into my bed in the early morning letting me know of your time together," he looks a bit shocked at that- good. "I was awoken by your mother ringing, she filled me in on you searching for my girl." His hands move into fist's at my possessive determiner.

"You know my mother?"

"Yes of course. Brenda and I even popped over on our way to LA, I couldn't stay as long as she as I had studio meetings to attend and needed to organise our rental home. It did give me a chance to spend time with Erica though and get her started on her soccer career, did you hear she scored a goal yesterday in her second game of the session? She regaled Brenda and I with stories of it this morning, telling us about it from all angles- it made us feel like we were there."

He was beyond angry now, excellent.

"You and Brenda live together?"

"Yes we have done so for over twelve months, well she stays on campus during the week but she stays in our London or country home on weekends and at term breaks, well when we aren't going on adventures. She does love a good adventure, we went sailing for four day's off the coast of Turkey before we began filming. She was so brave she even went on a dive to a shipwreck." I turn back and look at her lifted off the ground with only silk fabric and her own strength holding her up, "look at her you'd never guess she once had a fear of heights." He moves closer to the window and realises who he is staring at. "Aerial silk it's a new form of acrobatics, she had a small scene in our current movie but I'm hoping we can extend it out in the new one, show the audience what she can really do, well once she's mastered this new medium-stretch fabric. It's what the professionals use but it's not so forgiving as the last fabrics, it takes expert level strength and skill." She was climbing even higher, I trusted her to know her limits but I still insisted that I attend these training sessions, in comforted me to see with my own eyes that she was fine. "She's so different from the girl you once knew."

He whispers obviously taken aback by her capabilities. "No she's still my Bren just grown older by another year."

I chuckle, "she's no longer your Bren spend some time with her and you'll see that."

"She'll always be my Bren."

"Yes I'm sure to you you'll see her as that, last night showed me your little group are all very good at type casting- maybe it's living in LA but recognising character growth seems impossible to you all. To your group I'm sure Val will always be the villain, Kelly the misunderstood princess that everyone loves, Donna the funny saint, Steve the joker, Brandon the leader, you the heartthrob rebel…"

"And Bren?"

"Well as far as I can see she is the bitch, though I'm not sure how she earned that role. Was she not compliant enough when you cheated on her? Was she not gracious enough in her forgiveness of Kelly in that hospital room? Was her silent pain that annoying to you all? Or do you all just resent her for her looks, her intelligence, her humour, her talent, the amazing life she will have?"

"Don't. You may think you know a lot about her, about her and I-"

"No Dylan I know everything. I know her better than anyone else." He goes to interrupt I stop him with something I know he can't deny. From my morning conversation with Iris I knew this was no longer an unspoken truth, "I've seen her shine brightest and seen all her darkness. I didn't hide away and ignore her depression like you. I sat there in it with her, until she found her own strength to stand up again. I didn't judge her for it."

"I didn't either-"

"You ignoring it was judgment. She was a hassle for all of you, the repercussions, the physical embodiment of all of your betrayals." His lack of defence confirms that he knows I'm right. When his silence grows too long I lose my patience, "why are you here?"

"I want to see her. We have things to talk about."

"You've been sober since before Christmas, even without your money your hand still worked you could have written or phoned- you didn't! Instead when the booze and drugs left your system you didn't think about her, those day's you shared before she left, didn't think of the weekly letters and postcards she wrote you that summer that you never returned that you ignored, you didn't think of your years together. No instead you thought of Kelly the girl who left you for your best friend…" I laugh, "karma definitely likes a joke. How does it feel walking a year in Brenda's shoes? Seems like that last triangle position pinched you a bit."

"I broke up with Kelly-"

"Like Brenda broke up with you when she couldn't figure out your sudden rebuffing of a future with her, why you had become so distant since Paris. Kelly when you left her, I believe by that stage she was already fantasying about her life with the go getter and big man on campus Brandon, to you though it appeared she just couldn't stop fighting with you. And when Brenda left you, you were fantasying about your easy summer romance of no responsibilities. The repetition between your and Kelly's behaviour, that you both were successful in getting out of relationships by forcing the others hand by making yourselves the justified victim's capable of instant and virtuous rebound, well the uncanny similarities in the actions is either bad story telling, or karma seeking it's payment by throwing your own move back at you."

My girl does a difficult manoeuvre like she is going to fall she grabs the silk fabrics at the exact right moment and does a beautiful spin. He touched the glass in fear and then when he realises she is fine gradually moves it away, "see not your Brenda anymore. She's now to strong for this game of yours, she is literally staring in her own one. One where you don't have a place in it."

"That's not your decision."

"No it's her's and she made it. I support my love's decisions in everything."

"Your love? So you both are together together and you are okay with last night?"

"Brenda and I are no one's business, especially not yours." She was the only woman I would ever consider growing old with but I wasn't capable of the love she deserved and I loved her enough to never try, I didn't want to be another man in her life that hurt her. We had created a way to live in the best of both worlds and while I knew one day I'd have to share her with someone worthy, I didn't see that Dylan would ever be capable of that position. I wouldn't make room just to watch her get hurt again.

He sighs realising that I was in control here, I was the Director, co-writer and the Executive Producer I could kick him out of this facility with just a phone call and ensure he was banned for life from the lot. "Look can I just wait and talk to her? If she asks me to leave I promise I will."

I look at my watch she has another hour to go, "fine sit there and try not to interrupt me as I work." A few minutes later I call down to the workout floor and ask to see her laser routine in blindfold, the laser's will be added in later but the symmetry of the moment is difficult especially as in the scene she is to close her eyes to open up her other senses, the blindfold will help her master the routine normalise the lack of sight before we film. On reviewing it I make her run it through twice more. I'm concerned with the routine that the stunt coordinator had designed it's too choppy at times, I want her to look graceful throughout. When I have noted the areas that need to be reworked I call an end to the training.

They spend what's left of the hour cooling down and then she disappears to shower, it gives time for her trainer Scott to come up for my notes. Dylan grows impatient the whole time she is out of sight. She walks in a little while later with her hair still in a plat, short jean shorts and a singlet. I immediately hand her her snack box and her water from the fridge.

She sits down and nod's at Dylan but launches into work, it may be Sunday but my leading lady likes to be prepared and across her responsibilities. After the changes I want to the routine are discussed we go over her training schedule for the next week both on the ground and in the air. She needs to parachute in the next film and while the stunt double will do the heavy lifting in that scene I'll still need close up of her in parts of the open air aerial routine, most though will be on a green screen.

"Have you decided on if you are going to add that water scene Roy?"

I look at her trainer, "it is a possibility still. It won't be surfing on a board but rather on a relic when the temple floods."

"It would be best then that we add that into your training Brenda, especially with the water still being so warm. Have you surfed before?"

Her eyes become laser focused on Scott's, she is clearly avoiding Dylan. "Yes a little but I barely stood up and they were small waves."

"How small? What was your technique like?" She gives him an uncertain look.

Dylan responds, "two to three feet down in Baja. She stood a couple of times but she struggled with the balance, her feet were positioned perfectly but her hips were a little off made her fall forward when the motion changed."

Scott looks at Dylan, "thanks that's helpful." He then looks back to Brenda, "your balance is now in your core and not in your skeleton structure your hips shouldn't be a problem anymore. Let's take you out this week to Malibu and we can see if this is training from square one or just training for consistency and skill refinement."

"Sounds good."

"Okay Roy if you don't need anything else I'm going to head out, Bren another two bottles of water in the next two hours and salmon tonight please."

"Sushi?"

"Scott say no, Love no more raw fish it's your new bloody obsession since Hawaii."

"Raw salmon is fine Brenda."

She cheer's and gives me her best sweetest eyes, "fine Love we can have sushi."

"Great we can go to the restaurant with the blonde waitress you like." I give her a look, "Roy no no more waitresses, seriously I'm losing way too many good places in LA I can eat in."

"Take away is always an option." She shakes her head at me.

Watching their dynamic I was none the wiser, were they together and openly sleeping with other people- that wasn't like Brenda at all, or were they platonic roommates? It was clear they knew each other well, I refused to believe he knew her better than me.

I'm distracted running over every touch between the two that I have seen from today and last night, I'm so focused on my task that it takes me a moment to respond when she calls my name, "Dylan."

"Yes."

"What are you doing here? And how did you find me?"

I look at Roy and then at Bren, "can we talk alone?"

"No. Roy and I have no secrets." She says it casually like it's no big deal to discuss our personal business in front of a stranger.

I try and repress the pain at them having no secrets and her refusing to talk to me alone. "Jonesy a friend of mine he tracked you down."

"And what may I ask does this Jonesy do?"

I look at Roy, "he finds people."

"He's a private investigator?" I nod.

"Dylan what the hell, that is not okay-"

She's annoyed, "you blindsided me and then ran off, we weren't finished our conversation."

If I didn't know her better I'd swear she was giving me a sympathetic look. The slight pinch of her right eye gives her away, she isn't happy she's angry, her tone though is completely understanding. I realise she's become a better actress since she's left, she hides behind her ability even in her everyday life. It's going to make it harder to get through to her for me to understand what she wants and needs. "It wasn't a conversation, a conversation implies a two sided dialogue. That's unnecessary in this matter my decision has been made, it was an accident. It won't happen again." She smiles it reaches her eyes but there is no warmth in it- another fake, "Dyl I'm here only for a little while longer it would be nice if we can put this behind us keep it… well it's too late for it to be kept between us but I assume Brandon is the only one from the gang who knows?" I nod, "let's keep it to that then. Kelly and I are on friendly terms no need to get her territorial and I'll be gone soon enough."

I don't say anything I know she told Roy before I even thought to ring Brandon, I guess he is a given now. "Look if you don't want to resume our conversation then can we at least have dinner, catch up as friends? Roy doesn't seem to like sushi and if you are craving it then maybe I can take you tonight?"

She smiles I think it's genuine, "no thank you, maybe another time. I have an early voice over call time tomorrow morning, and after a quick and early dinner we usually are in bed ridiculously early."

Roy jumps in, "yes we do the early bird specials as we eat dinner nearly in the afternoon. Last nights party was a little unusual for the both of us wouldn't you say Love?"

"It was a very late night."

"Well then maybe lunch tomorrow or an early dinner?" When she goes to decline again I stop her, "Bren I'm not leaving until I have a confirmed time to catch up with my closest friend."

At that label her eyes pinch again, I wasn't playing fair and she knew it. "Fine lunch tomorrow at The Peach Pit I'll meet you there at noon." She stands, "I shouldn't sit this long after exercise it will make me stiff. Roy are you ready to go home, I might swim before we leave for dinner."

"Of course Love, I'll join you." She lifts her brow at him, "fine I'll sit in the warm spa and watch."

She laughs and gives him a hug, "thank god for a minute there I thought you had gone all California on me. When this film is over I'm looking forward to resuming our Sunday's of nothingness."

He wraps his arms around her waist resting his hands on her lower back, "that's not fair Love we usually drink a pretty nice bottle of red on Sunday's in our pyjamas sitting beside the fire reading. I think that the drinking and reading counts as being very active, though if you are concerned that it needs more activity we could lose the pyjamas and see what pops up then?"

I repress the instinct to rip his hands off her or to yell, she laughs at his banter and then unwraps herself before grabbing his hand, "come on that sounds like a discussion for another day."

I follow them down the stairs, when we get outside she gives Roy a wink and he nods his head in a silent goodbye at me and then moves off to start their car. She looks at me, "hey I'm sorry about last night, well this morning really I didn't mean to confuse you. I didn't think that would happen when we left for burritos, I thought after everything we could just be like we were when we went fishing. Just friends."

"We weren't just friends that day Bren. I wanted us to start again that day. I hoped we could be us again, I rang you from France not to wish you luck in Minnesota but because I wanted to come there to you. I thought you arriving home was another chance for us to make it right but you didn't want me."

She smiles at me it's another fake I think, "bad timing I guess is what we should name that book of ours."

I ignore her throwaway remark it was clear she wasn't ready to discuss our past, "look last night it didn't confuse me, it made it all clear. When I felt you in that club I forgot how that feels, how being near you makes me feel. When we made love you have to have felt how perfect it was, how connected we were even after all this distance we are still connected in every way possible."

She aims for humour, "it was nice but we've had a lot of practice at it-"

I ignore her attempts to make light of this, "nice? Bren I can deal with your dis genuine smiles and tone, I get that acting is now your default. You always liked to pretend you were stronger than you were. You have always been able to fool everyone else but please don't lie to me especially about this. You felt it too last night there was nothing nice about it."

"Fine it was good-" I give her a look, "Dylan I don't want to play this game with you, it was …. You fill in the blank and I'll agree to it. I don't want…" she stops and refocuses, "look I'm sorry I hurt you I wasn't thinking and I should, I should know better. I knew I could run into you I was prepared you weren't, all of what happened is my fault-"

"Why do you keep doing that? Why do you keep taking the blame for everything? You said you destroyed everything you touched here, you know that's not right."

"Dylan I've had six return letters from Donna in a year. Andrea I have sent letters to she ignored, at least the gifts for Hanna's first Christmas and for her birthday I received ten word thank you cards in return. Steve and David well I didn't expect anything from either of them. Kelly surprisingly has been the only one I've spoken to consistently- we aren't friends but we are friendly. Three years of my life here and look what I got, no real friendships, I lost my twin to you all, I went from being my parents trusted and kind daughter to their biggest disappointment. Do you know even now they aren't speaking to me as I've left the academy for the year to complete these films, losing my scholarship as a result. Everything I touched here has been destroyed, I can blame others or I look for the common link- the common link is me. I accept that. I don't work here and I'm okay with that, last night is a good example. You slept with how many girls last year? You can obviously do the one night stand thing well but with me it becomes complicated." How does she fucking know about those women?

She shrugs her shoulders, "things here for me never land right, my kindness comes off as preachy, my apologies not honest, and when I dare stand up for myself I'm stuck up, dramatic or a bitch, sometimes all three. I don't have these issues in London so I accept that me and LA aren't a good combination, I destroy things here. It doesn't have to be a big deal, it's something I've acknowledged and take responsibility for."

She smiles I'm to stuck on her words to figure out if it's real, "look as much as possible Roy and I will keep to our English little bubble while we work on our project, and then he and I will return home. No lives need to change. I'll come around to say hello to everyone every now and then, it would be rude not to, and my parents much to their denial that I have any redeemable qualities left did raise me better than that. Look I don't need to feel connected to my old life here, it hasn't felt like mine in a really long time." The inference is clear I'm her old life, I don't feel like hers.

She looks back to Roy in the car and then turns to me, she gradually steps backwards, "anyway I should leave if I want to get that swim in." She gives me one more smile before she turns, I'm uncertain of everything, I have no idea what way is up or what is real. "Hey I'm sorry again, I didn't mean for our hour's of fun to ruin your Sunday and make you waste your time on phones or running around LA."

She gets in the car, she's gone before I have even processed half her words.