Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.
Chapter Five
I get to the lot and see all four of them waiting for me, Roy quickly picks up on my mood. "Did my phone call come at the right time Love?"
"You're psychic."
"And other actresses have accused me of being a perfectionist, a raving lunatic, and then you my darling think of me-"
"As a wonderful genius with impeccable timing." I kiss his cheek and then look to my trainer, "I haven't eaten since my nine-thirty protein shake you guy's called me before I could have lunch."
"No problem I'll get you another shake to keep you going and then order you a late lunch for afterwards. It's not too many changes in movements but just in a different sequence. We are hoping two hours max."
"Well then let me get changed and we can get started."
Roy has left to go edit before I'm back from getting changed. We start filming the sequel in two weeks and before than I need to perfect all the action sequences and he needs to get as much postproduction done on the first film. It takes three hours but I've got the new routine down even in blindfold, it feels smoother Roy will be happy. After I get changed I grab my very late lunch off my trainer I realise with my change in schedule I have an afternoon off. Roy has plans to edit late into the evening and that means I'm completely free.
I learnt in London I don't work well with too much time on my hands especially when I'm trying to not focus on the past. I consider my options go grocery shopping and then start making Nat some healthy meals, or go walk Venice beach first, grab a juice, and then go grocery shopping. I choose the latter.
Forty minutes into my Venice excursion I've already bought some classic rock band T-shirts. London is a lot of things, bright, flowery and girlie is not one of them- well not the parts me and my classmates hang out in, or me and Roy's artistic, academic and old English money friends spend time. Most of my everyday clothes are bought now from Camden Markets unless we are going to an event and then it's off to the boutiques of the up and coming designers. I avoid the designer brands that I used to desire, they now scream of a girl I don't want to be reminded I ever was. A girl that I never was able to pull off.
I lose myself in the shopping, record buying- Roy will love the ones I have found. As I start to consider leaving I walk past a tattoo parlour, Roy will kill me! It's Monday my surf lessons not till Friday shit it's not enough time. As I stand there looking at the artists work he comes out, and I tell him of my predicament. The size I'd want would be fine for a waterproof bandage just no hot tub's, and I need to avoid excessive sweating. I rationalise the last one by considering what's excessive anyway, fuck it!
An hour later I'm walking out with a small feather in the breeze, it's about two and half inches in length and at the tip it transforms into little birds. It's on my right rib cage under my arm the feather ends one third the way up my breast with some of the little birds beginning to edge onto the side of it. The artist helped me decide on the combination when I couldn't choose between the feather or birds. It seemed like it was the perfect image after he let me know combined it represented strength, growth, hope and freedom. Reminders I desperately need this week. The only downside is that it's location does mean no bra until it's healed which should be interesting for not only training but also going out, I guess I was going to embrace the 90s super model braless look for the next little while- yep definitely no longer Beverly Hills. I'm smiling as I get back to the car.
The rest of my afternoon and evening is spent shopping and cooking. I'm meeting Nat for a walk at ten in between the breakfast and lunch rush. My schedule tomorrow is pretty light in the morning but then in the afternoon I'm back training the floor routine and then weapons. As I'm finishing cleaning the kitchen my cell rings. It's Kelly.
"Hi. How are you?"
"Let's try a less complicated question."
"Okay?" We speak a few times a month, it began because I thought my brother and her were serious, and he and I were already difficult enough I didn't need to lose another important person of mine to Kelly Taylor. When she got stuck in the fire, and then got mixed up in the cult of her professors I maintained contact. I knew what it was like to feel alone, confused and unsure of yourself- I wouldn't wish that on another person even someone I had once considered my enemy.
"Sorry rough afternoon, and Colin's in San Fransisco so I'm alone." That response summed up Kelly perfectly, she no longer knew how to be without a guy, like Dylan didn't know how to be without a girl. "Anyway how are you? You looked like you were having fun on Saturday night?"
"It was work but I enjoyed it, the crew is great and the studio people well they are what you imagine- lovely but-"
"Lacking authenticity." I hum in agreement, "magazine and modelling people are the same. You shocked us all by being there, I didn't realise it was at the club."
"Either did I. Roy got the studio people to organise it and since we were so busy filming up until that afternoon we didn't figure it out until we were stepping out of the car."
"Donna was disappointed I didn't tell her you were in town, I stressed that with your schedule you hadn't reached out to anyone didn't want to disappoint them."
"Thank you. Yeah with the schedule it can get pretty unpredictable on the film set. You think you have one scene to film but then there's the different camera angles, the light changes, there's a continuity issue, or Roy wants options. It can turn into very long day's, I'd have hated to be rude and cancel on people." We were friendly I knew she was open with me, somewhere throughout our year of phone calls she began being the friend from the start of junior year but to me we weren't that. I didn't trust that she could maintain a friendship and I had never heard an apology, an apology that didn't justify her actions because of an unbelievable connection between her and Dylan. I had never seen that connection when he was with me- he rarely had much time for her, and even when they were together I just saw two people who either made each other miserable or had to be hyperactivitly cutesy to get along- I never saw them just calmly being together, happy in the stillness of each other, but maybe they were like that behind closed doors she was his soulmate after all. Anyway my friendship with her had limits she wasn't allowed in and therefore I wasn't going to give her the main reasons as to why I was avoiding them all, but I wasn't lying my days filming were packed.
"I completely understand, and while it was great catching up on Saturday night we didn't really get a chance to hang out. You haven't really met Clare properly or caught up with Donna and me. I was hoping you could come over tomorrow for dinner, just something casual maybe grab some takeout?"
"Oh that sounds-" she must hear the decline starting to come through in my tone.
"We can do an early afternoon evening meal, or even a late night we can be completely flexible on your schedule." Shit she wasn't giving me much scope to politely decline.
"Thank you that's really nice but with me in training I'm on a heavy protein-"
"Brenda this is LA we can find a takeaway to suit all diet needs, or we can cook some chicken or salmon on the grill out on the deck and have a salad? I don't mind it would just be good to spend some time with you." I realise there is no way out without rocking the boat. Fuck I guess I can do a few hours with the girls I'll just ask them about their lives, that should fill the whole night of conversation. When filming starts I'll just declare I'm unfortunately too busy for another hang- it's a work trip after all.
"Sure but I have an early morning I'm being picked up before sunrise on Wednesday so maybe late tomorrow afternoon. I'm a grandma these day's so I'll need to be home by eightish to be ready for the next day's early start."
"We can make anything work. This is great. Shall we say five tomorrow?"
"Sure. Would you like me to bring anything?"
"No I'll take care of it all. It will give me something to focus on with Colin away and with everything else running through my head."
"Kelly you sure you don't want to talk about it, you haven't sounded this uncertain and unhappy since they were making you choose last year. Has that once again started back up since you returned from New York?"
I brace myself, when it came to her I had no trust left in Dylan, all that we had reestablished through our friendship since his dad's death and freshman year had been broken when he couldn't write to me or call and tell me he was done- that those day's had been a mistake, it had been decimated when he continued to sleep with Val knowing who she was, and I have no words for the betrayal I felt when I found out about him wanting his soulmate back. To target two of my closest friends in my life, it felt intentional it felt like he wanted to hurt me.
"No I've spoken to both since returning it's been friendly that's it. I'm never getting back into that situation again and I don't think anyone has much of a desire for it. We've all known each other for a long time by now we should know what we want, we should know where our hearts lie."
"Your's is with Colin?"
"Mine's with myself. It's been misused and misplaced too many times these last few years, Colin is making me happy but-"
"You don't want him to have your heart."
"No I'm trying to let it heal up a bit before I risk it again, something today just reminded me how it's been tossed around like a chew toy. I'm not up for another round."
Her's gets tossed around between two men who promised her the world like the ultimate prize to be won, mine has been thrown away like it was nothing, discarded to the garage like the rest of the junk, it was then picked up again shined off only to be thrown into the trash. Each time it became clearer that it was useless and held no value. I close my eyes and as a tear falls down my cheek I put on my friendly and caring voice, "well if you need to talk about it I'm always here to listen Kel."
"I know you are. You know I wouldn't have got through that fire, Finley, or the craziness of the end of the year without you. Brenda you not only had my back through it all you helped remind me how strong I am, how I'm worth more than my looks. I hope you know I'll always have yours. At one stage we were like sisters in junior year, and last year I thought we were going to be legally one day. Even if it's never formal I think of you that way. I know you aren't excited to be back here, even if you aren't saying it, but know you aren't alone here you have more than just Roy. This will always be your home and you I've got your back."
"Kel thanks but it's fine you know me-"
"Stronger than steel." I don't correct her, she never saw me clearly and because of it felt justified for making me her doormat- like I could take it all so it was fine.
"Anyway are you sure I can't bring anything tomorrow night?"
"No just yourself."
"Okay well I better get going I have a few things to tie up here before bed. I'll see you at five."
Roy came home not long after and once he filled me in on his edits asked if I was ready to discuss his perfect timing. After telling him his only response was to say that I had suspected as much and then to give me a long hug. He knew words and dwelling on my past was not helpful to me, he knew I liked to stay present in the moment moving forward. The next morning I pottered around our garden and did some yoga to keep my body flexible between workouts. Just before ten I snuck into The Pit and loaded the back fridge with meals ready for Nat's home freezer, Willie gave me a smile and a kiss on the cheek telling me that I was missed around here when he came to grab some more fries from the back. I promised we'd catch up soon, he was a good man and ever since my Laverne day's he had always maintained a quiet friendship. Nat was the extrovert while Willie was the quiet observer.
Nat and I went for a long walk, we chatted the whole time about the restaurant, the club, his dating life, London and filming. He never brought up the gang or my parents as we were walking but when we got back to the carpark he looked at me. "You know I love those two like they are my own sons, the gambling, alcohol, and the drugs I can be sad for but get past- sometimes you need to learn the hard way. You their treatment of you that's something I'll be disappointed in them forever. Whatever happened that summer down at that beach club I'll never understand but it's gone on long enough, I've been quiet waiting for them to snap out of it for too long. Waiting for them to remember who they are, and who they love. For them to remember that they both used to worship you- you were the one they both turned to when things got hard, you were the first person they made sure was okay in any emergency, they both adored you and you adored them, I can see you still do."
"Nat I love you for caring but forget it. It's been three years since I got off that plane after Paris and came back to my world forever changed. I think it's time to accept that there is no going back. Don't get involved in it, it's pointless now anyway too much hurt and pain. Brandon and I will always be siblings and I'll maintain it as best as I can even getting nothing in return, and Dylan. He'll always be the one, it would be better for me to cut him completely out but Iris and Erica, our history, our connection." I give him a sad smile, "I need the exposure to the pain it reminds me to never get my hopes up again."
"Sweetheart just remember all you have to do is say the word and I'll give both of them a piece of my mind. They may be like son's to me but you are my only daughter."
"Thank you but if they need to be told to care then they obviously don't." I give him a hug, "same time Thursday?"
"I'd love that."
By the time I make it to my one thirty training session my mind has been unable to get past Nat's words, they used to care for me completely and then that summer happened. My therapist in London had gone through that time in detail helping me to understand my own behaviour before I left for Paris and how it looked to others, but even with therapy we couldn't rationalise the extreme change in behaviour for either of them. We discussed even me reaching out to one or both to make sense of it but I had been hesitant. I didn't want to know what they thought I had done to make them turn on me, and I didn't want to deal with the reality that neither respected me enough at the time to be honest with whatever pain I had caused them. Instead they choose to leave me. Emotionally at first and then gradually they turned away from me physically not wanting to be around me at all, Brandon even got to the point were he openly appeared to hate me. Whatever hurt I had caused them I couldn't see what justified that treatment.
My trainer knew I was working through something my emotions made me more aggressive in my sparing, I didn't hold back at all. By the time I had quickly showered and was getting ready for dinner in the change rooms I notice I may have gone a little too hard. My scab on my new tattoo was starting to bleed in parts, I quickly put ointment on it and chastised myself for becoming too emotional- that was the old Brenda not the London version. As I put my top on I'm annoyed for not packing a black one, my new grey Creedence Clearwater Revival singlet seems like a bad choice now. I had packed it because I wasn't going to pretend to be the old Brenda I wasn't going to make them comfortable by throwing on a summer's dress like I had yesterday for lunch.
Saturday had been a work event a black slip dress and heels was appropriate stylish and classic- it's how I liked to look when I was at events. In my free time I got to embrace the style I'd developed and loved in London, black tight mini skirts, band t-shirts, Doc Martin boots, and silver jewellery was my go to, the classic lace satin slip dress with a cardi was another, or the baggy wide pants and midriff, all were on heavy rotation. Today I had chosen the mini skirt, boots, jewellery and singlet combination. As I walked up the stairs to the apartment I felt like I was protected in my new armour, it reinforced that I was no longer the girl who had been devastated by these people, I was the girl who this time was making the conscious choice not to conform and my clothes was the first indication of that.
Their new roommate Clare answers the door, the girl who had cuffed herself to Brandon's bed- this group seriously were playing musical chairs except with beds instead. When the music stopped you needed to jump into the closest one or you were out, thank god I didn't conform I had no interest in maintaining my place here by keeping warm in David's or Steve's. "Hi Brenda come on in." I give her a friendly smile and move through the front door.
The apartment is pretty quiet which is weird it makes me slip more into actress mode, as I walk into the living room I realise why and thank the heavens that I naturally default to the actress when uncertain of my surroundings; if I do become known I knew the default will help with the attention. I smile at the whole gang- it's not a fucking girls night at all, Kelly didn't say it was but I had assumed as she had only referenced Donna and Clare. Kelly walks out of the kitchen and quickly approaches, "Brenda just in time." She gives me a hug, "I decided to cook but I don't usually grill chicken, Clare thinks without a marinated it will be tasteless but I didn't buy one just the chicken. Should I go out and grab one?" Kelly was nervous.
"No it's fine they are full of salt and sugar anyway my trainer will kill me, I'll raid your fridge I'm sure you'll have something to make a homemade one."
My brother stands, "apart from the trainer comment you sound like Mum. Hey Sis." He gives me a hug, I lightly pat his back. He then pulls back, "is your trainer really that strict on you? I bought your favourite ice cream for dessert you'll be able to have some right?"
"Yes he's pretty strict I train a lot so I need good fuels and food that will help build muscle, ice cream unfortunately is off the menu. Saturday is my only splurge day and even then I don't tend to do much besides wine and dark chocolate."
"You never used to be much of a drinker." The concern in his tone is clear, not every person who drinks has an issue.
"Well the drinking age in England is eighteen and the pub is the local hangout, it becomes a part of life but it's not a culture that drinks just to get drunk." I turn from my brother uninterested in being critiqued anymore. The rest of them are now up from their seats to greet me. I'm hugged first by Donna, once again introduced to Ray we thankfully handshake, David gives me a warm one arm hug, and then Steve swings me a round a little and then lifts up my arms wanting to check out my guns, as he does the last two people in the room I'm yet to greet move closer.
I had avoided her at the club as she was working but her voice more than her words has me internally spinning, she used to be my confidant she was the honorary triplet. "Steve stop. Shit Bren you've got some specks of fresh blood on your shirt under your arm." He's by my side lifting my shirt to see in less than a second.
"Did you get hurt at training?" I ignore his panic and step back before he can expose more than just a slither of my stomach. He attempts to move forward, I raise my hand.
"Dylan relax. I got some new ink yesterday and well at training I disrupted a little of the scab." I turn to Kelly, "hey I put ointment on it but I'm guessing it needs a bit more protection. Do you have cling wrap?"
She gives me a weird look, "yeah what's that going to do?"
"It will keep the ointment from wearing off onto my top and stop my shirt irritating it." She nods her head and goes to get it. My brother looks at me.
"Another tattoo? And this time on your chest. I can't believe you have two." I swear he sounds more like my father as the years progress, at least this time he doesn't have as much of a tone as he says it.
"Twin I have more than two." Kelly comes back in with the cling wrap, "thanks I'll be right back."
As I step towards the bathroom Dylan quietly asks, "do you need a hand?"
"Nope I'm very capable of looking after myself." I said it sweetly but I didn't doubt after he called me out on Sunday for my acting that he knew me well enough to know when I was in character. After fixing up my tattoo I give myself thirty seconds to calm my breathing before I reenter the living room. I interrupt god only knows what whispered conversation, "thanks Kelly I'll just put this in the kitchen."
"I'll come with you, get you a drink and maybe we can look for stuff for that marinade." As soon as we enter the kitchen she whispers an apology, "I planned it being just us girls but then Donna mentioned it to Ray, David heard, then Steve who told Brandon and Val, I think Dylan found out through Brandon. It spiralled quickly."
"It's fine gives me a chance to catch-up with everyone before I begin filming and won't have any free time." She gives me a sad smile at the latter, "so let me raid the fridge for a marinade." Within minutes I've made two, a spicy one and a mild one for the less adventurous. As the chicken rest in it we take our glasses of wine into the living room.
The conversation of summer, classes, and schedules continues on for a while until Dylan stops just staring and speaks to me again, "what's the new tattoo of?"
I look at him, "a feather in the breeze near the tip it begins to transform into tiny bird's."
"That's sounds very cool, did you design it?"
I look at Clare, "oh no I'm not an artist. I was in Venice yesterday afternoon and a tattoo artist down there did it."
"Wait I thought you had an emergency training session yesterday afternoon?" The scepticism in my brother's voice was clear, he thought I had run away.
"Yep took about three hours to nail the routine in blindfold but since we ended up starting early so the choreographer and stunt coordinator could be there I finished early. Took myself down for a walk in Venice to shop and enjoy the sunshine."
"Oh what did you buy? I haven't been down to Venice in ages, is there new boutiques down there? It use to be pretty hippie and artistic."
"Still is. No there isn't any new boutiques but I did get some good vinyl's and band t-shirt's."
"Brenda you collect vinyl now? That's cool."
I turn to David, "not really but Roy does. In our London and Cornwall homes he has quite the collection, I tend to help fill in the gaps whenever I get a chance."
"Our homes? So you are living with him."
"Yes Brandon I am, have been for a year."
Steve jumps in, "so you did end up doing the director." Is he fucking serious? He spread that fucking rumour, the one even my brother believed which confirmed he truly had no respect left in me, and now he is joking about it.
Before I can snap at him Dylan surprisingly does, "Steve you avoided getting knocked down for spreading that shit last time because you were hoodwinked by the crazy actress but you won't be so lucky this time. You badmouthed one of your supposed best friends all over campus and now you want to joke about it-"
"Dylan it's fine-"
"No Bren it isn't."
"Actually since it happened to me I say it is- so drop it. Thank you but I'm no fucking damsel needing a white knight or in your case a reckless outlaw." My inference to his past life makes him shut his mouth. I look at Steve and my brother, "Roy my relationship with him is not a topic for public discussion, but no we are family we aren't lover's."
"I'm part of the public now twin, already counting on being a big star?" He said it in his usual Brandon way, half serious but with his dimples on display to take the edge of his passive aggressive tone. Having been a silent observer to the summer and college conversation earlier I don't even know if he is aware any longer that he speaks to everyone in that way.
Yep I'm not going to conform, "twin as long as you speak to me in such a condescending way I'll damn well relegate you to that. Seriously I don't know how anyone puts up with the arrogant tone."
Brandon as a kid hated to be called out in public and once I realised that I never did, as teenagers I would wait till we were alone and he would do the same if I got too dramatic. In senior year he stopped following our established customs and started doing it in public and behind my back to our friends, even with him starting it he was clearly shocked that I was doing it now as well. "I didn't mean for it to sound like that."
I stand, "you never do you've just been indulged here for too long." I look to Kelly, "sorry Kelly to rush the fun but it's six shall we start the grill?"
She surprises me by not coming to my brother's aid and by not giving me any look other than an amused smile, "sure let's head out there. You haven't had a chance to fill me in on the storyline of this movie and who your romantic interest is, hopefully he is as hot as the last."
When she is out on the balcony with Kelly I look at Brandon, "so much for having your sister's back."
"Don't, I didn't mean it the way it sounded."
"Of course you didn't, but she's right-"
"Of course she's right Dylan. Brenda's been the only one who's been able to control that ego of Brandon's since we were kids. She just gave up doing it in public when we were seven." Val turns to Brandon, "what the fuck happened to the two of you? I've never seen you guy's like this."
"Val nothing we just drifted-"
"Brandon that's not a drift that's a chasm between you two."
He gets defensive, "and there's not one between you?"
"I fucking know why mine is there, I fucking deserve it. I imagine you deserve yours as well, so what the fuck did you do to your twin?" Val didn't speak to Brandon like that, and she never got so impassioned, this meant Bren means something to her.
Brandon doesn't respond and the room becomes uncomfortably quiet, finally I answer. "He chose me. He didn't say anything about me cheating on Brenda for weeks with her best friend, about me lying to her for months, or about me making her enter a fucking competition for me where she was disadvantaged from the start." She looks at me with disgust.
"You know why I dislike Kelly don't you?" I nod uncertainly, "Bren wrote to me about that time. We were still pen pals back then. She never mentioned Brandon once, she even protected your sorry ass a time or two. She didn't defend Kelly once she found out about the summer but after her birthday she said she was trying to move past it- be friends. Considering the letter before had been where she had told me how Kelly accosted her in the bathroom at school, claiming she liked the fact your dad died so she could help you, so it meant you'd cry on Bren's shoulder. It was a surprise to read that she was even trying, Bren had been so paranoid in the previous letter worried that she was coming across the way Kelly claimed she was."
Fuck, "when did that happen?"
"After the dinner at hers, the one Cindy asked Brenda to invite you to. Brenda in a show of support invited Kelly so you knew you had lots of people who cared."
I remember one day I was invited for dinner and she checked on me regularly, and then she became a little more reserved. "She stepped back after that."
"Of course she fucking did. You both obviously had her so convinced that everything that year was her own fault I'm sure by then she was afraid of her own shadow." Her anger at Brandon and I was clear.
"Val like you Brenda's never been afraid of anything-"
"Steve considering you told her she was just Brandon's sister and not your friend back in freshman year I don't think you should claim to know anything about her."
The gasp from Donna and the whistle from Clare were ignored, even Brandon and my glares he avoids. Instead he quietly asks, "she tell you that?"
That's what he cares about how Val knows, "Bren after finding that sixties diary in her room kept one for the last few months of LA. Her last entry was about David cheating on Donna. I think spending the night supporting you Donna raised too many emotions from a time when no one gave her the same support, but she was your best friend that night- right? Anyway I found it in the boxes Cindy moved out to the garage when they gave me her room."
"Val you read her diary, she'll kill you for that." That's what Brandon wants to focus on?
"Thank god I'll at least get some reaction. Nothing I've done seems to be working."
"You slept with her ex of course she isn't going to talk to you!"
I'm about to call Donna out for that but Val responds instantly, "Kelly did the same thing and you expected them to stay friends immediately after. At least I waited till they were over before I made my move unlike Kelly out there."
Donna looks down at that, hard to argue with the truth and a double standard being called out. Since we are telling truths may as well jump in, "Val she stopped writing because she probably didn't have time. We got back together the next day before she left for London-"
"What? You mean?" Val looks devastated. "You made me into another Kelly-" she looks like she is ready to attack.
"I didn't know who you were, and she decided not to come home. I was furious at her."
Clare who had been listening to this looks at us, "are you telling me that out of the lot of you David's the only one who didn't dump on her?"
I continue with the truth, "he knew about Kelly and I from the start."
"That's not bad compared to the rest of you-"
"David you aren't innocent either you were constantly running her down here, should I mention the comment you made when Kelly went for the lead in the play behind her back?" I don't know if I should be glad to hear that Donna is beginning to see the truth or upset it's just another example of what was happening. So much of this information was new to me and from Brandon's face new to him as well.
Clare's amazement is clear in her tone, "why the fuck is she here? Is she a masochist?"
I stand, "no she-"
"Loved us all at one stage. My sister would be respectful of that history, even if no one else has been." He stands, "Jones a word?" I nod.
We move out to the beach. Not wanting anyone to hear us, or for our voices to carry across the balcony. When we reach the sand he starts, "I didn't know all of that. She never mentioned Kelly harassing her, Steve-"
"Why would she? By that stage of senior year she thought we no longer were going to defend her."
"You'd have been okay for Kelly to speak like that to her?"
"No I would have ended that sham of a relationship immediately, but it doesn't matter what we would have done she didn't have any faith in us by then anyway. A year prior we had been smothering her not wanting her to be alone because of the holdup, and then a year later she is finding out I cheated on her, lied to her for months, immediately required to forgive me because of my dad, then gets abused for doing that by the girl who had betrayed her."
He looks up at the apartment, "yeah the same girl who she's joking with now on that balcony."
"Kel told me Bren would ring her from London and stay on the phone with her for hours as she talked about the fire, and then about Finley. Even after it all she tried to be friends with her, she did it because she thought you and Kelly may be in it for the long haul. Your sister wanted to make sure that your guy's relationship wouldn't suffer because of the girl's history."
"Dylan I don't know how to come back from this, I hear all that upstairs and I realise what those two years were like for her. I remember calling her out for her stupid behaviour, her distance from her friends as if she owed them or us anything by then. I don't think we can make this right, I don't think she'll forgive-"
"Brandon she was with me on Saturday night, she let her guard down. That tells me she wants to forgive me, your sister doesn't sleep around she loves me still. I know she does. She just doesn't trust me or it." I rub my hand through my hair, "my mother, Roy and Nat want me away from her. Brandon they wouldn't want that unless they knew I could get through to her again, that I had a chance." Three days and I figured out why I was constantly being warned off, they knew Brenda, and the people she now trusted the most thought that with time together she'd come back to me. They didn't want that because they didn't know I wouldn't break her heart. I'd never do that again.
"You're right. I don't think either of you are able to completely close the door on the other. You promise not to hurt her?"
"I promise to marry her as soon as she fucking let's me."
"Then I'm all in. She has to be first for the both of us again."
"For me but what about Kel for you?"
"Kelly after every hurt she threw at my sister in senior year had the nerve to say she liked that Jack died, and then even when Bren keeps that secret continues to bad mouth her freshman year. I think Kelly has had long enough being put first by the both of us. She's spent three years bouncing between us, John Sears, and now Colin. Bren has spent those three year's lovingly supporting you, and in the face of all my betrayal is still up there willingly befriending Kelly as she means something to me."
"It's like a light being turned on- isn't it?"
As we begin walking back towards the apartment he answers, "yeah but now I'm puzzled what about that summer switched it the fuck off?"
"Ego, fear, teenage hormones, and misplaced loyalty."