A/N: I don't know much about DND but still wanted to include something, so sorry if I got it wrong!
A panoply of pillows, couch cushions and blankets strewn before the television set the perfect scene for our movie night. The autumn sun was going down earlier each night as we approached the winter solstice. Curtains were drawn to shut out the last lingering daylight as the moon crept in to meet the sun. A double feature was the perfect opportunity to enjoy a casual night in, one I was in desperate need for.
I came back from the kitchen with a bowl full of popcorn as Eddie popped Jesus Christ Superstar into the VHS player. I had insisted we rented the movie because it was one of my old favorites, but I was increasingly becoming worried Eddie would absolutely hate it. A musical retelling of Jesus' final days, who was I kidding? This was about to be a disaster.
"Alright, let the indoctrination begin. I've lasted this long as an atheist, but if the lady insists…" Eddie began, walking back to our makeshift floor bed and getting comfortable.
"Can you at least try to give it a chance?" I asked, handing him the bowl of popcorn. "This is like, weirdly important to me, I grew up on this movie. You might not love it, but I do."
"I think it's adorable you're overly concerned what I think about your Jesus movie," Eddie said, starting in on the popcorn.
"And it's not even about religion to me, I don't believe in a god. I see it as showing the extremes of what people are capable of, miracles and god bullshit aside. Everyone in the story is grappling with the consequences of their actions in some way, it's the pinnacle of the human experience. Just promise you'll keep an open mind."
"I promise, come sit down," Eddie said, but I kept going.
"Besides, it's a fucking rock opera, what's not to like?"
"Annie?" He said gently.
"Yes?" I huffed, prepared to explain myself further.
"I'm not disagreeing with you. Can we watch the movie?"
I took a deep breath. I had a tendency to overcompensate when something meant a lot to me.
"Sorry, I'll shut up now."
Instead of admonishments, he held his arms open for me to crawl into. I settled in, leaning with my back on his chest as he sat up against the couch. We waited for the previews to play through before the movie began.
During the opening scene, I couldn't resist the urge to over explain what was happening. I was worried it wouldn't make sense otherwise.
"See, so they're all the actors gathering in Israel to retell the story. They've got their costumes and props and they're setting the scene to retell the story. That guy right there is-"
He cut me off with a hand on my leg. "Baby, you don't need to explain. Let me actually watch the movie so I can form an opinion."
"Right, sorry." I made a mental note to shut the fuck up already and just enjoy the movie as much as I can while secretly dying inside.
From the moment the overture began with the repetitious lick of the electric guitar, I noticed Eddie's body shift to focus his attention. I could already tell he was listening closely, analyzing the music. The overture is truly my favorite part of the movie, so this was a good sign. Then Carl Anderson began to sing as Judas, and by the middle of Heaven on Their Minds it felt like he was holding his breath and totally keyed into the song. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I eased up a little and allowed myself to get sucked into the story.
We got through the rest of the movie with minimal commentary. I suggested Eddie would look good in one of the High Priest outfits, exposed chest with a jeweled torso rig, and a massively shaped headpiece, and he muttered , "I would fucking rock that look."
He mostly watched the movie without showing his true thoughts. When Jesus had an outburst at the temple, really showing off his high vocal range, Eddie said, "that's more like it." The entire scene with the lepers he was totally enthralled.
At my most favorite songs, I alternated between humming along to my favorite melodies or tapping my fingers in tune with the music. I found myself relating a little too much to Mary Magdalene's titular song, I Don't Know How to Love Him, the first time I was able to identify with the lyrics beyond the movie's meaning.
In the past few days when I've seen myself, I seem like someone else…
I could only hope that Eddie was focused solely on the movie and couldn't draw parallels the way that I could.
Gethsemane was the part I was really waiting for, which displays Jesus' struggle coming to peace with the plan his god put in place for him. It's the most emotional, and most vocally impressive part of the whole show. I snuck a look at Eddie to try to catch a read on what he was thinking, but he just flashed a smile and went back to watching.
By the end of the movie, I was shamelessly emotional, but Eddie was quiet and contemplative.
We let the end credits roll and then I turned to look at him.
"So….?"
"I can see why you like it," he began.
"What's that supposed to mean? Like in a good way or a bad way?"
"It was very dramatic."
I furrowed my brow. "You hated it."
"No, I didn't hate it! Did I find myself rooting for Judas, absolutely. And that whole King Herod bit was weird. But I didn't hate it."
"Oh, good," I sighed in relief.
"I didn't quite understand why Judas came out in the end in the whole 70s disco getup. Fantastic voice though."
"Yeah, Judas is an incredible narrator. You feel everything he feels in those moments. In the end, he was just a pawn in god's plan."
We discussed some of the intricacies of the movie, and the weird parts, and mostly talked about how Ted Neely should be a front man for a rock band.
We moved on to Rocky Horror Picture Show next to round out our double feature. I was a lot more at ease by then, knowing Eddie had already seen this movie and was well aware of it's quirks. We talked and joked along with the movie, indulging in the silly strangeness of it all. We both agreed Tim Curry was a sex god and no one else would have been able to do Dr. Frank N Furter justice.
I tried to get Eddie to stand up and do the Time Warp with me, but he refused, so I had to dance by myself. I promised I'd get him to do it eventually, whether that was alone in the comfort of his home, or dragging him to a shadow cast performance of the movie around Halloween. He agreed to go with me as long as I dressed up in one of the Rose Tint My World costumes.
When I said towards the beginning that I related the most to Columbia, Eddie disagreed and called me a total Janet. I took offense to it at first, until the comparisons were unavoidable. Obviously he related most to Meat Loaf's character, also named Eddie, who was a rock n roll misfit who seduced Frank's servant Columbia. Unfortunately Eddie gets brutally bludgeoned by a jealous Frank N Furter, and he isn't seen again until they unknowingly feast on his body at the dinner table.
"So you think I'm a total Janet, huh?" I asked, turning to face him as the character found an injured Rocky and began tending to his wounds.
"A total Janet. Sorry babe, it can't be denied."
"Jokes on you, she's the hottest one of them all."
"I never said she wasn't hot. Just doe-eyed and innocent."
"She doesn't stay innocent," I reminded him. "But that's okay… I can be Janet," I said as I pinned Eddie where he sat, my knees straddling his waist.
Touch-A Touch-A Touch Me began, the song where Janet starts coming into her sexuality and succumbs to the sweet pleasures of being with a divine creature like Rocky.
I was feeling done in
Couldn't win
I'd only ever kissed before…
"This isn't happening," Eddie laughed with a stupid grin.
"Oh, it's happening," I said, scooting closer to his waist and really going for it.
He happily let me distract him as I fully committed to the role.
I gave the performance of my lifetime, singing and acting along to the song. It started sweet and innocent, but quickly built with intensity. I used his hands to explore my own body, and touched him in return, nothing was off limits. Shirts were strewn to the side as I removed his first, then my own. I kissed his jaw, neck, chest, everywhere but his mouth. He tried to advance on me, join in on my game, obviously aroused and hungry for more, but I withheld his advances as best as I could as the song came to an end.
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me
Creature of the Night
Who knew that all it took was a 3 minute song to get someone absolutely worked up?
"Fuck, I want you," he groaned against my collarbone.
"Eddie and Janet never fuck," I reminded him, but I couldn't help but writhe against his waist. I wanted it too, and I was done playing coy. I didn't want him to take his hands off of me even as the song ended.
"Then let's rewrite the story."
The next bit of the movie went unwatched, playing unaware in the background as we began to create our own alternative love story. I was in control and he was my willing creature of the night. I loved this little game of tug and pull we had going on, at any moment able to be submissive to the other's wants and needs. It wasn't always about control, but there was pleasure in power. I used my dominance to kiss, lick, graze, bite any area I could reach while mounted on his lap. Hands firmly grasped in his hair, I tilted his head back, angling his mouth so it was mine for the taking. When he was practically begging with his body language, I finally indulged him in a kiss.
I still wasn't used to the fire that burned when his mouth was on mine. Every time we kissed, I wondered how I was able to achieve anything aside from sinking into the sweetness of his lips. My desire to absolutely dominate dissipated as I melted into his steady hands. My grasp on his hair loosened, no longer pulling but holding steady. He was precious to me, and precious things must be handled with care.
Fully his, I let his arms wonder, free to do as he wanted. He pushed my knees open to bring my waist closer to his, clothing still blocking true intimacy. His hands moved to my back, desperate to remove my bra.
Eddie had just unfastened the clasp when the telephone rang.
"Goddamnit" he swore, pulling his mouth away.
"Just ignore it," I said, not slowing down my pace, slipping my arms out of the bra, chest now bare.
"Unfortunately I think I know who it is, and I can't ignore him." Eddie practically leapt out of my hands to answer the phone while it still rang, and left me there half naked and heated. I knew he didn't mean anything by it, but I was slightly dejected. I silently cursed whoever called and interrupted us, and paused the movie so I could listen in.
Eddie answered the phone from the kitchen. I only heard his side of the conversation, left to fill in the gaps on my own.
"Hello?…. Rick, hi…. Not yet…. I've been busy, give me a few days…. I know, but…. Something stronger?….Fuck no, I don't fuck with that shit…. Look, I'll get rid of it this weekend… yeah, by Monday… sounds good…"
I heard the click of the phone. It was no longer than a 2 minute conversation, but Eddie came back into the room in a completely different state of mind, agitated by whoever was on the other line. Mood sufficiently killed.
"Who was that?" I asked, slipping my shirt over my head, not worrying about the bra.
"Rick." He said from the doorway.
"As in?"
"Reefer Rick, yeah," He sighed, coming into the living room and sitting back down next to me.
"What did he want?"
"I may have been neglecting some prior commitments this week… he was asking for a status update on my current stash."
"Like, selling weed?" I asked.
"Mmhmm." There was an uncertain look on his face. Obviously I knew he sold weed, everyone did. But he looked like he was worried I would think lesser of him because I knew. I'd admit it wasn't my favorite thing, but everyone has to make money somehow, and I knew this about him long before we got involved.
"Do you have to go?" I asked, not sure how this stuff worked.
"No, no. I just have to do some selling before Monday. I'll see if there's any parties happening this weekend, that's usually a sure fire way to clear me out. Get kids drunk and they'll spend their money on anything."
"Okay… should we keep watching the movie?" I asked, not really in the mood to keep talking about drugs. He agreed, probably as disappointed as I was that playtime was over, but unwilling to jump right to it when the mood was dead.
We settled in the same position as before, with me lying between his legs encased in his arms. Hair a little messier, cheeks a little redder, and as sexually frustrated as ever. It didn't feel right to try and pick up right where we left off, so I grabbed the remote and hit play without another word. Eddie never put his shirt back on, and I could feel his hot skin permeating through the layer of my shirt. He gingerly smoothed down my hair with his hands, planting kisses on my head. I brought his hand up to my lips, kissing along his fingers. I didn't want to leave the impression I was upset, because at the core of it all, all I wanted was to be near him. He wrapped his arms around my torso and I sunk deeper.
Perfectly comfortable in his embrace, I settled in to watch the movie until eventually drifting off.
I woke up towards the end of the movie after RiffRaff and Magenta shot Frank with the laser, and Rocky was climbing up the radio tower, towing his body. The creature's loud cries stirred me awake. Eddie was still holding me, although I had slumped farther down and my face was nuzzled into his chest.
"Decided to join us for the ending?" Eddie asked as I stirred.
"I can't help it, it's late," I said with a yawn.
"Is this my life now? Your personal pillow whenever you feel like taking a snooze?"
"Do you mind?" I asked sweetly. I sat myself up and faced perpendicular to him, still seated between his legs.
"I shall commit to this role with honor and pride."
"I'd expect nothing less," I said, snaking my arms around his neck for a tender kiss, never wanting to take this feeling for granted.
The movie ended but we didn't disengage. Our bodies read each other without words, slinking down onto the floor side by side. There was lingering heat sparked from our earlier misadventure, but it was toned down by my sleepiness. Somehow he always matched my speed, reading my needs with absolution.
In the quiet hours of the night, my world was reduced to him and his touch. Kindling caresses sparking flames beneath my skin. All I needed was his eyes and the way they looked into my own, reading every secret confession buried beneath the surface. The sweet elixir of his taste in my mouth, satiating every hunger and thirst I may ever have. The intoxicating smell of his shampoo and sweat, burned into my memory and branded as home. I could live within this moment forever and want for nothing.
We fell asleep that way, perfectly intertwined without a care but for each other.
*
We were awoken the next morning when uncle Wayne came home with the morning sun low in the sky. Both of us startled awake as we heard the door rattling open.
"What happened here?" Wayne asked when he saw us from the doorway.
"Movie night," Eddie responded sleepily. "We fell asleep." I had never been more grateful to have had the foresight to put my shirt back on last night.
"Sorry," I added, not sure what else to say. I feared I was becoming a disruptive house guest, but Wayne just gave a suppressed laugh.
With Wayne's arrival, we were awake sooner than we normally would be for school. We alternated using the shower, and I took my time getting ready. The sun was bright today and even though fall was in full force, it was a beautiful and seasonably warm day. I decided to wear a knee length green plaid skirt with a cream colored sweater, and a pair of white boots. I hadn't really had a chance to embrace my femininity as of late, and decided a little effort wouldn't hurt to brighten my spirits. I let my hair air dry, never one to really bother with the combing, curling and teasing the rest of my peers put so much effort into. I put a matching green headband on and called it a day.
Eddie came into the bedroom after his shower as I was finishing my makeup. He was wearing only boxers and had his towel in his hands.
"Are you trying to end me," he asked as he towel dried his hair.
"Huh?" I looked at him through the mirror in confusion as I applied some blush.
"Surely you had some cruel intentions when you picked out that skirt."
"I wanted to feel cute for a change," I shrugged as he came closer, dropping the towel onto a pile of dirty clothing.
"You're always cute. Today you look like you're trying to seduce the entire student body." As he said this, he came up behind me. God, my heart couldn't handle the way he looked at me through a reflection. The moments I could see us together like this, see myself through his eyes, would end me.
"Be serious," I said as he scooped my hair to one side and kissed my cheek.
"I am serious. I think I have to keep you home today, I want to keep this for my eyes only."
"We have to get to school and make sure Robin doesn't flake on our plan," I countered as he kept placing kisses anywhere he could fit them.
"Fine. But only because I equally care about destroying Kurt Douglas' reputation." He agreed. "But that skirt is going to drive me crazy all day."
We disentangled as Eddie went to get dressed. He managed to find a clean Hellfire Club shirt, as tonight was the first night of their new campaign. Paired with his signature ripped jeans, leather jacket and denim vest combo, and rings, he was unabashedly himself. I would've kept him home myself if I could, indulged in the dark pleasures of unbridled privacy, but there was a task at hand. Motivation drove us forward as we headed towards the school.
*
Before homeroom, we met up with Robin in the hallway to go over phase one of my plan. Last night she was totally on board with her part of the plan, which was to safely get Larry the lab rat out of the biology classroom and into my hands. Today, however, it seemed like her courage had waned. Robin was already acting guilty and we hadn't done anything yet.
"Look, this sounded like a lot of fun yesterday, but self doubt has totally oozed into every crevice of my veins. I don't know if Grand Theft Rodent is in my wheelhouse," she said, nervously running her hands through her hair.
"Look, all you need to do is distract Mr. Schmidt, and I'll go in and grab the rat," I reasoned with her. I was not about to give up on my plan now, not before we even gave it a shot.
"Distract him how?"
"I don't know, just get him out of the room quick enough that I can duck in and out unnoticed. Tell him you have something he needs to see, but you left it in your locker or something."
"I can think of a handful of things you might need to show him in your locker," Eddie said suggestively.
"Preferably something PG," I said, cutting him off.
"What if we get caught?" Robin asked.
"You won't get caught, I will. You're just the distraction."
"I'll try, but no promises. If things go south I have no problem aborting this mission and sleeping soundly tonight," Robin huffed.
"If you can't pull it off, I have no problem pulling the fire alarm," Eddie suggested. "That'll give us plenty distraction, and probably get us out of detention."
"That is only as a last resort. I don't want another week of detention if we can avoid it."
The bell rang again and Robin groaned. I embraced her by the shoulders for a mini pep talk. Anything to give her the confidence to actually pull this off.
"I'll be out here 5 minutes before the end of the period. I know you can do this. Good luck."
*
Operation steal Larry went off better than I could have expected. I lingered outside of the biology wing, waiting eagerly as the seconds ticked by until end of period. When the bell rang, students came pouring into the hallway from surrounding classrooms. I was worried when the last few students came out of the biology lab and I still didn't see Robin, but then she came out of the doorway and turned towards my side of the hallway. She made wide eyes at me and mouthed "oh my god!" as Mr. Schmidt dutifully followed her down the hallway. I didn't have a moment to waste, and slipped into the now empty classroom.
The rat was right where I expected him to be, on full display at the edge of the teachers desk. I unzipped my backpack and stuffed the entire glass case inside. I was out of the classroom seconds later, students in the hallway none the wiser.
I headed to my next class quickly, and saw Robin still at her locker with Mr. Schmidt. "Sorry for wasting your time, I could've sworn it was here," she was telling the teacher. I caught her eye and gave her a little thumbs up as the teacher turned to go back to his classroom. I don't know what she had to do, but we pulled off part one. Admittedly the easy part, but still a success.
After detention, which was spent similarly to the rest of the week, Eddie let me borrow his van to run errands for our plan while he had Hellfire Club. I stopped by the general store to grab a giant roll of banner paper, some red paint and brushes, twine, a hammer and nails. I was hoping this was enough to get us by. I drove back to the school to wait for Eddie, using the back of his van as a makeshift art studio while I painted on the banner paper.
By the time I finished it was only 7:15, and Hellfire ran until 8. I thought about staying in the parking lot and catching up on some homework I had neglected, but I was tired of being alone. I gathered my bag and headed back into the school. I decided I would sit in the back of the drama room while they finished up their night of D .
I had meant to sneak in mostly undetected, but the door creaked as I entered through the back. The drama room was completely transformed from its usual state of organized chaos. The boys were crowded around a table, Mike, Dustin and Lucas on one side, the older Corroded Coffin guys on the opposite. Miniature fantasy figurines were placed about the table. The room was dim, lit only with candles and borrowed fixtures from the lighting department with green and orange gels to set the ambiance. A collection of multi sided dice were strewn about the table, among half drank and crushed up soda cans. Each player had a playbook and pencil in front of them to keep track of their game. Eddie sat at the helm of the table in a throne, one that was hand built for last fall's production of Dracula. As dungeon master he was in control of the whole narrative, and was animatedly explaining something to the group. When he saw me enter the room, his lips curled into a smile. I meant to just observe, but with my entrance he completely changed the trajectory of his story.
"Suddenly, a fair maiden emerges from the woods," Eddie said in a deep narrating voice, motioning for me to join him at the front of the table. The boys chuckled at his redirection, and waved little hellos.
"I didn't mean to interrupt," I began, but Eddie waved this off and kept going. I walked towards him as he continued.
"The maiden is helpless, having escaped into the woods seeking reprieve from the local drunks at the tavern. She is alone, weaponless, and in search of shelter. What do you do?"
"We approach her, obviously," Gareth answers for the whole group.
"What is your race, fair maiden?" Jeff asked, completely putting me on the spot.
"Umm… Caucasian?" I answered stupidly, realizing too late I said my ethnicity instead of race. This elicited laughter from the group, not mean per-se, but mortifying either way.
"No, he means your species. Human, dwarf, elf, goblin. Stuff like that," Dustin clarified.
"Uhhhh…" I was completely unprepared for this, not expecting to be a participant this evening.
"We'll work on it later," Eddie said to me, grabbing my hand, and then dove back into his narrative.
"Suddenly, there is a rustling noise from the left. The Bugbear you thought you ran off after Gareth the Great's javelin attack wounded him has actually been watching you from the woods. He catches a whiff of this fair maiden, and decides he'd like to take her for his own! He leaps out from where he's been hiding and snatches her in his claws," As he said this, he leapt from the throne and grabbed me from around the waist and pulled me onto his lap. I laughed and stumbled at this sneak attack, but Eddie wrapped his arms firmly around my waist, not letting go.
"If I had known you were hiding this fine jewel among yourselves, I wouldn't have retreated so quickly," Eddie said in a deep voice, now miming as the Bugbear.
"We weren't hiding her, she crashed our party," Mike grumbled. Only he seemed annoyed that my presence had completely upended their current campaign initiative. Everyone else was completely on board with the new direction Eddie was taking.
"What say you, Princess?" Eddie asked as the Bugbear, rubbing the back of his fingers along my jawline. "Would you like to ditch this band of barbarians and stick with me instead?" I knew he was just pretending, but even so, sitting on Eddie's lap with his hands wrapped around my waist and finger trailing my jaw had me wishing we were anywhere but the drama room, surrounded by all of his friends.
"That depends, is he cute?" I turned to ask the group. I knew this was absolutely not the purpose of the game, but no one taught me how to play, so I had to make up my own rules.
"He's a brute hairy goblinoid twice your size with a penchant for mayhem," Dustin responded.
"Yeah he looks like if you mixed Sasquatch and a goblin, basically," Lucas added.
"I say you ditch the Bugbear and stick with me instead," Gareth said with a suggestive look. "I can offer you shelter and protection and comfort."
"I choose Gareth. Let me go," I said decisively towards Eddie.
"Ouch, I'm gonna try to not take that personally," Eddie said as himself. Then he switched back to his narration.
"The Bugbear was injured, but not defeated the last time you fought. You can either evade him and leave the maiden, or fight to rescue her."
"We fight to rescue the girl," Dustin said for the group. Mike was probably gearing up to say, "leave the maiden," but everyone agreed with Dustin.
Dice were rolled as they fought for my freedom. I didn't quite understand the numbering rules, because some rolls weren't high enough to cause any damage at all, and they weren't using traditional 6 sided dice. It turns out my introduction to the game was just a slight detour, because the enemy was already low on HP. They finally defeated the Bugbear and I went to sit with Gareth, much to his delight, who had rightfully won my hand. He wanted me to sit on his lap too, but I laughed at his request and pulled up a spare chair. Eddie went right back into the original storyline before I had interrupted.
All was going well until the gang went traveling through an underground tomb came across a Lich, which I learned was an undead sorcerer, a cross between a skeleton and wizard. He was a powerful enemy, and would require the whole team's collaboration to take him down.
I watched as they all took turns attacking, casting protection spells, and using defenses against the Lich. Most of the terminology was lost on me, but I didn't want them to waste time trying to explain the game to me as their time was wrapping up. Towards the end of the night Gareth's HP was pretty low, but he wanted to try one more attack. He let me roll his dice for him as good luck, and it was anything but. I rolled a 3 out of 20, a total miss, and the Lich knocked him out in response. He promised it was fine but I apologized profusely.
By the time the night ended, Mike and Jeff were the only players who weren't knocked out by the Lich. They would have to regroup next week to continue the story. As they packed up their things and cleaned up the room as much as a group of teenage boys was willing, Dustin made me promise I would join their campaign next week, or at least observe again. He offered to help me design a character to get started, which I swore I would take him up on. I would need all the help I could get if I ever expected to join in on the game which still made little sense to me.
On the way out of the drama room, Eddie held the door open for his friends. It was only fair, as he had completely obliterated most of them and ended the night before they could finish.
"That was kind of cool," I said, the last one lingering in the doorway. "I didn't realize how creative you all got."
"Oh, so you're into role play now?" Eddie asked.
"I'm usually more of a behind the scenes girl, but maybe it can be fun?"
"You don't know it yet, but that was a dangerous admission, my dear," Eddie said as he linked his arm around me and let the door shut behind us.
After Hellfire Club, a couple us planned to grab a quick dinner at the 24 hour diner to kill some time before we had planned to meet up with Robin and Steve. Mike's sister Nancy picked up the younger kids, her turn to drive each of them home. We tried to convince her to join us and let the boys stay, but she declined, citing deadlines and curfews she had to keep. I never expected her to say yes, polite as her decline may have been. She didn't seem to have that much patience for her own brother, I couldn't imagine she'd be comfortable with a rowdy bunch like us for an extended period of time. She probably thought we were crazy for even asking.
We sat in my usual booth in the back corner of the diner and ordered a round of fries, chicken tenders and cokes for the table. It was about all we could afford as poor high school kids, but it was good enough for us. The boys dominated the conversation, comparing favorite tracks from the new Dio album. They tried to include me as much as possible, but I was happy to just listen to them chat. Eddie's hand was on my thigh almost the whole time, giving assuring squeezes and grazing his fingers gently under the hem of my skirt when no one was paying attention. He'd catch my eye and toss a smile my way, subtle reminders he was happy I was here enjoying time with his favorite people. I was happy, too. I couldn't believe how easy it was to fall into a groove with him and his friends. They were truly some of the nicest and chillest guys in Hawkins, and I found myself regretting not giving them the time of day sooner. Lately it seemed easier to be around them than my own friends.
Shortly after 9 we said goodbye to the gang and drove across town to Steve's house. He had reluctantly given us the address as we made our plans yesterday, and promised we could meet him and Robin there to borrow his dad's ladder when they got off work. After a little bit of persuasion that we couldn't pull it off on our own, he and Robin agreed to help us out with the whole mission.
The Harrington Household was situated neatly towards the back of one of the more affluent neighborhoods in Hawkins. It was a vast double story with a built in garage, pool out back, and acreage that extended far into the woods. They probably had a finished basement and every fancy new piece of technology tucked within. I was just conjecturing, of course, as I hardly believed I'd ever wind up inside to find out for myself. But coming from someone who wore the nicest clothes and drove a fancy car, it wasn't hard to imagine.
Robin and Steve were waiting out front when we arrived. His parents weren't home so asking permission to borrow the ladder wasn't mandatory. By 9:30 the ladder was loaded into the van and we were driving towards the school, Robin and Steve following behind in his BMW.
Somehow Eddie knew that the cleaning crew was usually locked up by 9pm, because of course he did. By the time we rolled up to the high school, the parking lot was barren. We first stopped by the football practice equipment shed to grab the last 2 items we needed to complete our mission. Then we parked side by side in the school parking lot, near the front in case we had to make a run for it.
We each approached the task at hand in a very different demeanor; now that no one was here to catch her, Robin was finally ready for mischievous chaos. Steve seemed apathetic and mopey as he single-handedly carried the ladder over his shoulder, probably pondering how he got talked into an idiotic plan. Eddie was focused on the task at hand, fiddling with his multitool switchblade that served as his skeleton key to all restricted areas of the school. I, on the other hand, was motivated by the promise of total reputation destruction. With any luck, this would shut Kurt up and turn the tides. I kind of didn't even care if people knew it was me. Without proof, how was the administration going to be able to properly punish me for my infractions?
While unloading the car I handed the flashlights and rope to Eddie, makeshift sign and duct tape went to Robin. Lastly, I pulled Larry the Lab Rat out of my backpack where he was safely tucked away.
"Ready for your debut, little guy?" I said, holding him up in the light of the parking lot.
"Poor thing didn't realize he'd be immortalized in infamy," Robin chuckled. I laughed, but Steve gave a disgusted groan.
"This is so stupid, I'm so glad I'm not in high school anymore," he mumbled.
"Shut up," Robin and Eddie said in unison.
I ignored all of them. I hadn't bothered trying to remove Larry from his case yet, but now was as good of a time as any. I examined the case, looking for any place I could unlock it or screw the bottom out.
"Oh crap, he's like, really glued in there," I said when I realized the glass case would not budge from the wooden plaque it was attached to. "We'll have to break the glass."
"Give it here," Eddie said, motioning to me. I handed him the rat and he pulled his switchblade out of his pocket. He knelt down onto the pavement a few steps away from the rest of us and got to work.
"Sorry, Larry," Eddie said as he used enough blunt force to smash the glass that the rat was encased in. He shook the shards onto the ground and plucked Larry from his little stand. I briefly worried about any cars driving over the glass in the morning, but I made a mental note to try to pick up the big pieces before we left tonight.
"Here you go," Eddie said, handing Larry back to me, then dusting off his knees. Somehow I had become the keeper of the rat, but I didn't mind. This was my plan, after all.
"He's kind of cute," I said, observing the rat up close.
"You wouldn't be saying that about Kurt. Let's get on with it," Eddie said, urging us all on.
"It's go time," Robin said, twirling the duct tape she was carrying around one finger.
"Let's make this quick," Steve huffed in response as he set up the ladder against the front entrance.
*
The four of us were gathered in a semicircle on the roof of the high school, two blinding flashlights illuminating our makeshift monstrosity.
"It doesn't look right," I began, almost unwilling to admit that what we had created hadn't lived up to my vision.
"Nope. Definitely not right." Eddie agreed.
"No offense, but the legs are too skinny," Robin said, cocking her head reflectively. We nodded in agreement.
Eddie looked around to each of us and I could see the gears turning as he formulated a new idea.
"Take off your pants, Harrington," Eddie commanded out of the blue.
"What?!" Steve exclaimed.
"Yeah, Steve, give us your pants!" Robin encouraged, seeing Eddie's suggestion as the perfect alternative to our predicament. I knew immediately it was a better idea than what we currently had going.
"No way, absolutely not. I don't even know why I agreed to help you with the ladder, and now you want to strip and rob me of my pants all for a silly joke?" Steve had fully become the dad of the group, trying to reign in the rowdy teenagers.
"Come on, they're perfect," I tried to reason with him.
"They're Calvin Klein, of course they're perfect!" He shot back. It was three against one, but Steve wasn't budging.
"Name your price. Weed? Special K? I can get you cocaine, that's what you rich fucks are into," Eddie said, dipping into his arsenal to see if that would sweeten the deal. After all, he had shit he had to get rid of. Maybe Steve would be a willing taker.
"I don't want drugs," Steve harrumphed.
"Then what do you want," Robin asked.
"Umm, maybe how I am supposed to explain coming home with no pants?" His voice jumped as he emphatically tried to argue against us.
"You lost them playing strip poker? They got caught on Boo Radley's fence?" I joked. My literary reference was lost on the boys as they both stared at me dumbfounded. "Really? No one? Boo Radley… To Kill A Mockingbird?"
"Yeah, I got it," Robin said with a sympathetic chuckle.
"Wow, I really need to hang out with people who read," I said, shaking my head.
"Hey, I read. Just because you won't catch me sucking on some high school curriculum bullshit," Eddie argued. He was always on me about actually enjoying the material we were assigned in school, and I always tried to prove my point they were classics for a reason.
"Alright, we're wasting time, enough arguing!" Robin interjected. "Steve. Pants. Now."
Robin held her hand out expectantly. If anyone was going to get Steve to do something humiliating for the sake of the group, it was her. He grumbled protestations, but unfastened the button and shrugged out of his pants. Beneath them we were treated to, you guessed it, Calvin Klein boxers. Steve really was a name brand king apparently.
Steve bent down to step out of the jeans, Robin's hand still outstretched, summoning them to her. Instead the blue jeans went flying across the group, balled in a denim lump and aimed for Eddie's head. Thankfully he caught them before the assault could ruffle his hair.
"You lot owe me a new pair of jeans," Steve grumbled as I went to unfasten the dejected pair of pants I had borrowed from Eddie that we all decided didn't quite fit for the job at hand.
We had "borrowed" a tackle dummy from the football field storage, one of those big and dopey man-shaped figures complete with a big dumb head. With some serious effort we loaded it into the van to transport it to the front of the school. With the ladder, we somehow managed to drag the dummy up onto the roof. Eddie climbed up first, and Robin and I tried to help push from below as Steve carried the dummy up the ladder. I was grateful to be on the ground as long as possible because my dumbass wasn't thinking about the future when I wore a skirt this morning. For a few minutes I thought this plan would end with a trip to the hospital instead, as the weight of the dummy very nearly came crashing down on us. Mostly thanks to Steve's strength, we managed to get it onto the roof with minimal bruising.
"So how did you come up with this idea anyway Annie?" Robin asked as Eddie and I began fastening Steve's pants onto the dummy. I explained the mini standoff Kurt and I were currently in, neither willing to budge for the sake of the other's reputation, and how I had threatened to expose him if he didn't back off.
"Wait, you never even kissed the guy and he's going around saying you hopped from him to Eddie in one night?" Steve asked incredulously.
"Yep. I guess he developed this parasocial attachment because he was nice to me a few times, and thought that meant he had ownership over me or something. He saw me with Eddie at the dance and got all weird and possessive." Just remembering it made me shiver with disgust.
"So why did you slap him? I was there that night, but no one had a concrete story," Robin asked. She then pulled out a piece of duct tape and tore it off with her teeth.
"He said some really heinous shit about me and she slapped him defending my honor." Eddie said this, voice oozing with pride, smile abound.
"Stop acting like you love this story," I accused.
"I love that part of the story," he corrected.
"Ha ha," I said sarcastically.
"And so that's why you went full PDA in the cafeteria?" Steve asked. "To prove to everyone who you were actually interested in?"
"Steve, if you actually paid attention to me," Robin started.
"I'm sorry! I'm trying to get all the pieces together now that I know the key players. Forgive me for not caring before," Steve said towards me.
"It's fine. I mostly want to forget about it, but no one will let me. And now the petty little bitch side of me is screaming louder than the quiet submissive side, hence why you all are here with me on the roof after 10pm on a school night to enact revenge."
"I love the petty little bitch side of you, we should listen to her more often," Eddie smiled.
"Well this petty little bitch says let's get on with it," I said, effectively ending the conversation and demanding we get back to work.
We repositioned Larry using duct tape to hold him up, then stepped back to admire our work. We all deemed it much more suitable, even Steve, so we shuffled the dummy to the edge of the roof where he would be seen best.
The last step was hanging my makeshift banner for everyone to read. Without accurate signage, it was just a silly display. We had to make it known exactly who and what was being mocked. Steve held the rope and nails in place as Eddie hammered the sign onto the roof. It didn't matter if it was crooked, just that everyone would be able to see it first thing when they arrived at school in the morning.
Descending the roof, Eddie was the first down the ladder to ensure it's stability for the rest of us. I climbed down next, still cursing my idiotic decision to wear a skirt today. I could only imagine Eddie's vantage point from the ground. I bet he's loving this.
When I got to the last couple of steps on the ladder, Eddie reached out to grab my hips. I thought he was using his hand as gentle guidance, but the cheeky bastard leaned in and lifted up the bottom of my skirt and planted his lips on the back of my thigh. I was frozen still as he actually nibbled on the skin before moving his mouth away. My heart tittered and my stomach knotted from the unexpected lovebite before I heard protesting from above.
"Would you two hurry up?" Robin called out. I hopped off the last step and cleared the way for her to come down. I was grateful she wouldn't be able to see the blush of my cheeks in the dark of night.
Once we were all safely back on ground and the ladder was packed up, we turned on our flashlights to look up at the finished product.
Thoroughly duct taped, Larry poked out of the zipper of the pants head first, goggles still intact, his little fingers clawing out as though he was holding on for dear life. Larry was deader than dead, and had been for who knows how long, but he absolutely came to life in our little display. The rat was wrinkly and hairy enough to be the perfect visual metaphor for Kurt's anatomy. The dummy was fashioned with a practice Jersey from the football storage, giving him the identity of a football player. And the mannequin's big dopey head could definitely be interpreted as a meathead like Kurt. Draped right below the mannequin hung our sign, hand painted by me.
DON'T MAKE ME RAT OUT WHATS HIDING IN YOUR PANTS, KURT DOUGLAS. XOXO
I had come up with the phrase on a whim, it was kind of stupid, but also served as a perfect metaphor with Larry present. It was a mostly harmless prank, but it guaranteed the whole school would be talking about Kurt's size. Of course I didn't have any proof, but this was beyond needing any. Normally I would feel bad making fun of someone for something they couldn't control, but I never promised to play fair when my reputation was already tarnished.
"The rat looks really small from here," Steve said, head cocked with his messy hair falling into his face.
"That's kind of the point, right?" I countered.
"Fuck, I wish I had a camera," Eddie said in admiration.
"I'm impressed your vision was able to come to life, and look even better than I imagined," Robin added.
"I work on stage crew and props for the school plays, you learn a thing or two about creating something out of nothing." I shrugged.
"I have to admit, it is a pretty good prank," Steve said.
"See Harrington, aren't you glad you gave up your pants for a good cause?" Eddie taunted.
"Don't push it," Steve said in reply.
After all the supplies were packed away in the van and we were lingering in the parking lot, Eddie offered an alternative ending to our night of crime.
"What do you all say to celebrating this minor victory in style?" Eddie pulled a little baggie out of his pocket containing two hand rolled joints.
"Aren't you supposed to be selling those?" I asked.
"Meh, I'll just charge some unsuspecting sucker double."
Robin and Steve agreed if it meant free weed.
"I have just the place," Eddie said.
He led us around the side of the school to the door with the faulty latch. In a matter of seconds, the lock unclicked.
Eddie held the hijacked door open for Robin and Steve, who ran right in with one of the flashlights. Eddie caught my hand before I entered the door, and pulled me in for an unexpected kiss. The door hinges rattled as he leaned against it with the force of pulling me close.
Our kiss was urgent and doused with lust, and just as quickly as it began, it was over. Eddie really knew how to play the long game, and these little teases had me gasping for more. Frisky fingers under the table, forbidden love bites, sneaking kisses when no one was looking, wandering eyes and illicit smiles. The subtle seduction that had been building all evening was increasing my urgency and begging to finally get Eddie alone.
"You have to stop doing that," I said under my breath.
"Why, does it upset you?" Said with such a cheeky sincerity, sparks flashing in those beautiful chestnut eyes, knowing the exact opposite was the case.
"We're not alone…."
His eyes lingered on my lips as he absentmindedly licked his own in expectation, not caring that we weren't alone.
"Are you two coming?!" Robin shouted from the front of the office.
"Be right there!" I yelled back in her direction. I turned to look back at Eddie, I felt like I could read every impure thought hidden deep in his mind. "Behave," I said, pointing a finger as a command and turning to go.
"I can't help it, baby." He said in a low growl, grabbing my hips from behind and letting the door slam behind us.
"Well you'll have to for a bit longer," I admonished.
We met up with the pair and explored the hallway with just the flashlights illuminating the way, not a clue where a light switch could be hiding. Eddie and I walked hand in hand in the dark following behind Robin and Steve, who were chatting amongst themselves.
"Where exactly are we headed?" Robin asked, flashing the light back at us.
"Gym?" Eddie said.
"Works for me," Steve replied, leading the way down the empty halls.
We entered the old and musky gym and Steve flicked on the light switch. Electricity audibly hummed from the sheer number of lights it took to illuminate the gym.
"I never realized how loud it was in here when it's completely empty," Robin noted, her voice carrying to the rafters. The gym was usually full of people, but it was just the four of us in the vast echo chamber.
We walked until we reached the center of the gymnasium, breathing in the stale air. Robin sat down first in the center of the gym, Steve following suit. I went to sit down at a reasonable distance next to Eddie, but he sat right beside me and pulled me close. Our new friends seemed mostly comfortable accepting us as a pair, and Eddie was unafraid to show affection in front of them. It was either that, or he still felt slightly threatened by king Steve and his reputation with the ladies. Either was plausible.
Eddie handed one of the joints to Robin and gave her his lighter. "Ladies first."
"Feeling nostalgic yet, Steve?" Robin asked, striking the lighter and starting off their joint.
"No. It's weird, I ruled this place, it was my domain. The amount of time I spent practicing, sweating and injuring myself just for a few minutes of glory. Performing on this court in front of hundreds of people. Any time we won a game, I remember feeling like I was on the top of the world, invincible…" Steve pondered.
"You were invincible, Steve. No one dared mess with you, you were royalty," Robin said, tossing the lighter back to Eddie once her joint was lit. She took a hit and coughed a little.
"Yeah, imagine being liked, how horrible," Eddie said, lighting the other blunt and handing it to me. I took probably a bigger hit than I should have, proven by my unrestrained coughing fit. Then I handed it back to Eddie, who smoked regularly enough that he had no real reaction to the fire burning his throat.
"But now I'm a couple months away from it all and I feel like it was just a big fucking cosmic joke. I wasn't invincible, I was just an asshole. I cared way too much, and the world was kind because I was popular and good looking and had money. And then real life, real danger hits you and you realize, none of that shit actually matters." It seemed he was talking solely to Robin at this point. They shared a quiet understanding I couldn't exactly read. "All the time I spent on basketball, and partying, and trying to impress girls. It doesn't fucking amount to anything."
"Yeah, and if your head hadn't deflated we probably never would've been friends," Robin joked.
"You're probably right, but I hate to admit it," he said, finally taking a drag off his joint.
"Yeah, how did you two become friends anyway? Forgive me, but this isn't exactly a Barbie and Ken doll situation going on. More like Ken and…" Eddie hesitated to make a reasonable comparison to Robin to finish out his thought.
"It's okay, you can say Raggedy Ann," Robin said, finishing for him. It was so unexpected, and I was in the middle of taking a hit that my laughter turned into a coughing fit again.
"Give yourself more credit, you're at the very least a Strawberry Shortcake," Steve said. Eddie and I agreed with his comparison, much more apt for a girl like Robin.
"Okay, fine. This Strawberry Shortcake was working at Scoops Ahoy in the mall when this loveable Ken Doll infiltrated the establishment and won me over with his stupid charm or whatever," Robin laughed.
"Besides, it's kind of hard not to become friends with someone when you survive a near death experience," Steve added, after blowing out more smoke.
"Near death…?" I asked, curious what he was referencing.
"The mall fire," Robin recovered quickly. There was panic in her eyes.
"Oh shit, you were there?" Eddie asked, taking another hit. "I thought it happened late at night."
"They had us taking inventory," Steve said decisively.
"Of… ice cream?" I asked. I wasn't quite buying their story, but I also wasn't going to call them liars to their face. There was something they were hiding.
"Big shipment," Robin added, nodding her head. "But we left before the fire started, so Steve is just exaggerating when he says 'near death,'" she said with a nervous chuckle, immediately bringing the blunt back to her lips.
"Anyway," Steve continued, "we're now working at the video store, as you're aware, and I'm taking the year off to try to save some money, hopefully for college. I'll have to take the SAT's again if I want to get in any college though, which fucking blows."
"And what do you want to do after graduation Robin?" I asked, changing the focus onto her. I took a final hit from the blunt and passed the remainder to Eddie.
"My future is also suspended in the air, but it feels like any minute now it's going to come crashing down at an indeterminate trajectory and be obliterated to dust. But like he said, these days it's hard to focus on the future," she looked over at Steve again.
She and Steve absolutely shared some unspoken bond, each could read the other's intentions without speaking it. They were curious creatures, it made me wonder about so much that was hidden beneath the surface. They were obviously hiding something, and I questioned why they were both so apathetic about the certainty of a future at all.
"What's the idea? College? What would you study?" I asked, trying to ease the tension between them. Eddie snuffed out the blunt that was at its dregs onto the gym floor, and used his free hand to pull me closer into his lap.
"I don't know. I always kind of imagined going to a liberal arts school far away from here, like Sarah Lawrence or something. I'd probably study women's history or gender studies. Spend my time exploring the east coast. But I don't see that ever happening…" she ended, dejected.
"What about you, Annie?" Steve asked, turning the attention onto me. I took a breath, I should have expected the question to make its way to me.
"I've sent in all my early applications, so now I'm just waiting for acceptance letters. And hopefully scholarships… I don't know, it all seems so far away and up in the air right now, like you said."
"Where do you wanna go?" Robin asked.
"My parents want me to stay in state, go to Indiana University, where my brother is currently attending. I'd probably just major in English or foreign languages. But I've been looking at the University of Michigan, actually. They have a pretty good theater program, so I submitted an excerpt to their playwriting department. Maybe double major in directing… It's really selective, I'm just waiting to hear back… if I get approval, the next round would be in person interviews…" I had never told anyone this, not even my closest friends, it was weird to be sharing with this small group.
"I didn't know that," Eddie murmured, trailing his fingers absentmindedly down my arm.
"It's just an idea, I haven't really told my parents…" I said, turning my head towards him. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me back so I was fully leaning against him.
"Parents be damned, I think you should really go for it," he said with his face close to mine, voice lowered in what was becoming a private conversation.
"Really?" I asked. "I would need so many scholarships to pull it off on my own, it's really expensive. I don't know that my parents would pay out-of-state tuition, and these days I'm not really trying to bank on their support…"
"Then I'll help you apply for every damn scholarship out there if it means chasing your own dreams independently from your parents."
"You know, I didn't really get it before, but you two seem really good together," Robin said, interrupting us. "It's like, stupidly cute."
So easily caught up in the whimsy of this fresh love, I found it all too easy to become oblivious to my surroundings and focus all attention on Eddie. Robin and Steve were very much still keyed into our conversation, and heard everything that was said. I scooted forward a little bit, remembering we had company. Neither Eddie nor I addressed her compliment beyond smiles.
"Sounds like you're going to have to follow your girl to Michigan, Eddie," Steve said, a huge grin plastered on his face.
"As long as it's not Hawkins," Eddie let out a little laugh.
"But for real, what about you? Where will Eddie Munson be 8 months from now?" Steve followed up, kicking his legs out and leaning back on his arms.
"Well, this has been fun," Eddie said, slapping his legs and moving to stand up and end the conversation. "Are we ready to move on?"
"Wait, Eddie…" I said, trying to stop him but he was on his feet before I could say stop.
"What did I do?" Steve wondered aloud.
Eddie took a few steps, then turned around to address Steve, his arms crossed.
"Ironic, don't you think, to ask the obvious delinquent with no real future how he plans to spend the rest of his sad days in this pathetic town," Eddie said with fake sarcasm. He tried to play it off with a laugh, but asking about his future clearly struck a nerve.
"Hey, no judgement man. It was just a question," Steve said defensively, sitting back up.
"No, let's really analyze the question here. Where will I be 8 months from now? What are my options, working nights at the factory and living paycheck to paycheck like my uncle? Or on the lam from the law like my old man? And that's only if I actually graduate this time. There is no future for a guy like me outside of being trapped in this shithole town in a dead end job, you think I don't know that?" Eddie retorted.
"Nobody is saying that…" Robin started.
"You don't have to. My destiny is predetermined, sweetheart. It just… is what it is." There was obvious pain in his words that refused to be masked behind a sarcastic smile.
Eddie was normally pretty carefree, able to create his own happiness by focusing all his energies into the hobbies and people that he loved. We never talked about the future much because these days everything was so immediate.
We all sat in silence, unsure of what to say next.
"Can I offer an observation?" I finally broke the quiet.
"By all means…" he said, arms outstretched.
"Obviously I can only speak to what I've seen, so I might get it wrong but… please don't get upset." I said, trying to placate what I was about to say.
"There's nothing you can say that I don't already know." He didn't mean it as an attack, but a submission, but it still came out with fire. I let it settle before I continued.
"I think you're letting the impressions that others have branded you with all of your life cloud your true sight."
His expression softened, but he peered at me as though I was speaking another language.
"Care to elaborate?"
Eddie knew how I thought about him, at least I think he had a clear idea, but I had yet to put it in such plain words. Now, in the intimacy of an empty gym, in the company of new friends, if felt important that I at least try to provide insight into everything I see in him that he could not see himself. I only hoped it wouldn't put a wedge between us in the long run.
"People have had an idea of who you would be since the moment you could tie your shoes, just by the circumstance of your blood. They told you what you would be before you had any say. We all kind of experience it to a degree, and you're pretty good at ignoring it most of the time. But words only get through if they're sharp, and those little jabs fissure over time. I think that you're holding yourself back from so much because you took what they said to heart, and started believing you're not worthy of a future."
The tension hung in the precipice, and I was worried I was overstepping my boundaries. Eddie continued to pace as he pondered my words.
"You know, Munson, you and I are a lot alike," Steve chimed in. Oh no. For once in your life, could you be quiet, Steve Harrington?
"Please, Harrington, do enlighten me as to how you and I are even remotely similar." Eddie's voice was cloaked in sarcasm.
"We both had predetermined destinies."
"Sorry, but I fail to see how being born rich and good looking makes us alike?" Oh god, Eddie was about to absolutely rail into Steve if he wasn't careful.
"Whether it's fair or not, we both exist under the pressures of what society expects of us. Good or bad, and you could argue that yeah I got the better end of the deal. But the only reason I graduated was because I was just fake enough to charm my way into passing grades. I didn't actually have to try so I blew off school. People took pity on me because I'm pretty to look at, and rich, so I had something they wanted. They expected me to do well because I had everything going for me, so they helped me along the way. It still wasn't enough to get into college, though."
Bless his efforts, but trying to compare himself to Eddie was getting Steve absolutely nowhere.
"So you're saying, because you were good looking and popular, everything was handed to you? And that applies to me how?" Eddie was shaking his head, totally over Steve's pretty boy persona.
I interjected before letting this get any further down the wrong path.
"I think what Steve is trying to say is you've both been victimized by what society expects from you. Even if Steve has nothing to offer…"
"Harsh," he interjected. I rolled my eyes and willed him to stop talking.
"He's still going to be idolized because it's how people want to see him. You, Eddie, are an easy target for people to make an example of because they're afraid of what they don't understand. They win if you fail. So don't let them win."
I had to hope that was enough of a deflection from Steve's original point to carry the conversation along.
"That's all good and fine, but I fear I'm doing perfectly fine living up to their expectations, or lack thereof. I'm on my third fucking year of trying to graduate from this place, and even that isn't even a guarantee. How do you explain that?"
I looked down and played with the hem of my skirt, worried about hurting him with my honesty but too far in it to course correct.
"I think… your life was so chaotic as a kid, so you crave stability now. You're comfortable with the arrangement you have with your uncle, you have your own sense of freedom without the crushing weight of adult responsibility, so you've had no real urgency to move on. Because moving on, in your mind, is succumbing to the bullshit expectations society has placed on someone like you. You think your options are limited because that's all you've been told."
"Maybe, my options are limited because I'm just not smart enough to figure it out on my own," Eddie shrugged. Any hurt or animosity in his words were aimed directly at himself. He was listening, but seemed unwilling to accept what I was saying.
Robin and thankfully Steve may as well have been marble statues, they were careful not to overstep or disrupt this fragile confrontation of the truth.
"From what I see, you're not being challenged the way you need to be in school, so you don't apply yourself. It's not because you're not smart, it's because the rigidity of school subject matter doesn't interest you. The school structure is modeled to chew up and spit everyone out using the exact same criteria, and anyone who might need an adjustment will fall through the cracks. There is so much more to life than knowing how to study and pass a test. Besides, you don't need a diploma to be successful. There is so much more you're capable of."
I paused to give him a chance to process, but he just watched me, waiting for an answer. Desperate for someone to explain something he hadn't been able to figure out for himself.
"For one, you're incredibly passionate and when you find something you like, it has your full attention. You're the first to defend your friends or offer them help. Hell, those young boys in Hellfire totally admire you because you accepted them freely. You're quick witted and creative. You've probably got an encyclopedia memorized of your favorite music and bands and could list off obscure facts in a heartbeat. Not to mention a goddamn genius at the guitar. And there is this whole other world blooming in your brain, and if someone is paying close enough attention they'll be lucky to see fragments of it and… it's fucking beautiful."
"Holy shit…" Robin whispered under her breath, but I wasn't done.
"You are so much more than what this shit town has pegged you for. And if I have to buy you the world's largest mirror just so you can see yourself the way that I see you, then I'll do it in a heartbeat. Because you are a goddamn treasure, Eddie Munson, and it's time you saw it for yourself."
I finished my rant and was met with silence. I looked around as the three of them watched me, suddenly worried I had said too much. "Sorry. I'm done," I said with finality.
"Screw playwriting, have you ever considered psychology?" Steve said this with a light chuckle to try to break the silence, but it fell flat.
"Annie…" Eddie began, but he didn't get a chance to finish what he was going to say. The overhead lights thrummed to a halt as the gym went completely dark.
"Okay, what the fuck?!" Robin cursed as we all reacted to the sudden blindness.
"The fucking lights are on a timer," Steve answered. "Where is the goddamn flashlight?"
"Here," Robin answered, flicking on her flashlight and shining it around the ground. They fumbled around on the floor trying to find the other flashlight.
In the glow of their unsteady light, I saw Eddie approach me and offered both hands. I took them and stood back up.
"Are you okay?" He asked, still holding both of my hands.
"I'm not the one who's afraid of the dark," I quipped playfully. "I'm sorry for my brutal honesty. Are you upset?" I asked.
"Are you joking?" He asked, wrapping his arms around me. I took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet smoke and sandalwood that lingered on his clothes. Maybe it was best to leave some things unspoken for the time being.
"We should probably pack it up and leave," Steve finally interrupted.
"You go on ahead, we're right behind you," Eddie answered for the both of us, pulling back a little but not letting go.
"Are you sure?" Steve asked, but then I heard Robin trying to usher him away in whispers. She offered her flashlight to us, which I took.
"Yeah, we'll lock up," Eddie said. I turned to address the pair.
"Thanks again for all your help tonight, we definitely couldn't have done it without you. I just hope it pays off tomorrow."
"Oh, it will. I can't imagine any girl who would want to get with Kurt after seeing that. He's certifiably celebate until college I'd say," Robin replied with a laugh.
"Yeah, happy to help ruin a reputation I guess… Let me know if you ever wanna hang out under normal circumstances and take me up on that movie night," Steve said to me.
"Absolutely," I laughed.
"And good luck with the college thing. When you get accepted to Michigan, we'll celebrate," he added.
We shared another quick goodbye and then they headed out. I went back to resting my head against Eddie's chest, arms around his waist as the room quieted from the stillness.
After a moment Eddie broke the silence by saying, "motherfuckers didn't even turn the light back on," with a laugh.
"It's alright, at least I have this," I said, jiggling the flashlight. And just like that, the flashlight was out and we were in darkness.
"The battery did not just die," Eddie said. "This gym must be haunted."
"Wow, I didn't realize you were so gullible," I said, flicking the light switch back on.
"Ha ha," he said sarcastically. "Maybe we should just get out of here, get some sleep…"
"Happily," I said, grabbing his hand and pulling him behind me as we headed out. "So… Wanna talk about what just happened?"
"Oh, you mean me being a total self deprecating brat for a few minutes? I'll be back to normal after some sleep, I promise."
"You weren't a brat. It's normal to be concerned about your future," I reasoned.
"I guess. You were right, though, I think. About the stability thing… I don't truly think I'm stupid, but I think there is an explanation for why I kept failing. Why I didn't try harder to graduate…"
"You don't owe anyone an explanation, though. I don't see it as a failure. I'd say you're right where you need to be."
I held the gym door open as we made our way into the dark hallway. I shone the light down the hall to guide the way as we approached the front office we had hijacked our way into.
"Hmm," I heard Eddie think out loud to himself.
"What is it?"
"It's just… if it seems like I'm having a hard time, it's because I still don't quite understand what you see in me," Eddie confessed.
"All that, and you still don't get it?" I groaned. "I thought I was being pretty obvious."
"People don't often go around speaking literal poetry about me," he laughed. "I guess I didn't realize you saw all that."
"One day, Eddie Munson, we will find a way for you to love yourself as much as I do."
It flowed out with lilting casualty, a total accident of brutal honesty. Perhaps a joke even. My heart jumped in realization of what I had just said.
We will find a way for you to love yourself as much as I do.
I tried to play it off, completely ignore it and keep full steam ahead. Maybe he hadn't noticed. Please tell me he didn't hear it. Please tell me I didn't absolutely fuck everything up by throwing love into the equation so soon.
But he stopped in his tracks and I felt my arm get pulled back by his resistance. I was in control of our light source, and I was too afraid to point it at his face. Too afraid to see confusion, disappointment, or any number of negative things he could be thinking. Too afraid to confront my silly confession. Fuck fuck fuck.
"As much as you do?" Eddie repeated, moving towards me.
"Fuck," I whispered. He definitely noticed.
A/N
I loved writing this chapter even though it took forever, would love to know what you think!