A/N: Ta-da, another one.

This may be triggering. There's no self-harm or violence or sexual assault (and if that changes I'll let you know before each chapter). But this will explore the dynamics of depression.

Andre's Horrible Girl

When she spots Cat at the vending machine it's too easy to go up to her and manipulate her way into Cat's weekend plans. Even though she knows she could have just asked Cat to hang out. As much as she hates to admit it being without Beck has been hard and not just in a heartbreak kind of way. She never realized just how much time she spent with him but it's become unpleasantly clear to her now that she spends all of that time in her bedroom, in her bed, alone. Besides school, she hasn't left her house in days. Weeks? She's not really sure. It all just blurs together and if she's honest she doesn't really care.

She almost cancels on Cat five times on Saturday before she decides to just ghost her. What does it matter if she stands Cat up? It's Cat. She'll accept it without explanation or at least an explanation that's too vague to even be considered a lie.

The anxiety gives way to shame though when she settles on just pretending she never made plans with Cat at all. Nothing makes it go away. She tries reading, singing, writing, cutting up things, cutting up things that aren't hers. Eventually, she curls up in her bed with music blaring in her ears and pretends she's asleep. As if.

When she thinks she might throw up from the guilt and shame, she starts her pathetic mantra of "You can do it, it's okay, you're okay." She's never told anyone about it before, not even Beck. It wasn't really necessary. Beck would make her do whatever it was before she ever reached this point.

It's an hour of sitting on her bed muttering the mantra to herself while tears leak out before she manages to get out of bed and out of her pjs and into her car. She doesn't even bother pretending that she could manage a shower. She's two hours late but Cat doesn't say a word and the vice grip in her stomach loosens when she realizes Cat's going to let her off.

It's really easy to slip into character. Easier than it usually is outside school but Jade's not going to bother questioning it. She'll take all the help she can get. She even manages to keep it together during the guitar fiasco. That is until Beck walked in and she felt everything inside her fold in on itself. He was not supposed to be here. She tells herself that it's not that different than school. She just won't talk to him and then he'll leave and she'll have her night with Cat. Or she'll leave and go home and crawl into bed for the next 24 hours. Either one.

It almost feels like it will all be okay once they get the guitar hung and window fixed but it doesn't last. Between the skull and the earthquake, it starts to feel like the universe agrees that she never should have left her bed. All she's done is ruin everything she touches so she takes the first chance she gets to run. She's in her car and shifting into reverse when she hears the knock on her window. She doesn't have to look to know it's him. Why can't he just leave her alone?

She's considering backing up and driving off anyway. He probably wasn't close enough that she would run over his feet but then she hears his knock again. Louder this time. With a growl, she shoves the car into park and rolls down her window. "What?" He looks surprised by her tone. She has no idea why. He broke her heart not that long ago.

"Are you okay?"

Jade scoffs and rolls her eyes. This is why he ran after her? Seriously? Talk about a white knight complex. "Nothing but puppies and rainbows over here."

Beck sighs. "Jade, seriously. Are you okay? You didn't get hit by any debris or anything?" He'd managed to grab Cat in his panic but Jade had settled onto the couch. Not exactly the protective covering he would have liked.

"I'm fine."

Beck glances behind him to see Robbie talking to Cat at his truck. They don't seem to be paying attention to them at all. It's a nice feeling for once. "Can we talk?" Despite his best efforts to stay in touch, Jade had put him behind Tori on the list of people she talked to willingly. She snapped a greeting back at him during school but that was it. Every call and text was ignored.

"No."

Beck holds her gaze and then whispers, "Please."

Jade sighs and rolls her window up. She yanks her keys out and makes an exasperated shooing motion at Beck so that he'll back up from her door. She doesn't need to scratch the paint. She slams the door behind her and folds her arms as she settles into her famous glare. "Talk."

"I want to know if you're okay."

Jade rolls her eyes. "I just said-"

"No. I want to know if you're okay."

"Like losing you would shatter my whole world? Get over yourself." Jade keeps her gaze off to the side.

"It shattered mine."

She fights the urge to look up at him and instead studies the scuff marks on her boots. She'll have to get them cleaned. "That's pathetic."

Beck runs his fingers through his hair. "Jade, please." He takes a small step closer to her. "Drop this character. It's just you and me."

She finally looks up. "Why? So that you can break my heart all over again? Did you remember something else really awful you forgot to say last time? How about 'it's not you, it's me'? That's a classic."

"It's a lie." Jade feels her face harden at his words. "It is you."

Jade bites her tongue and looks away. "Great. Thanks. It's all my fault. Can I go now?"

"I didn't mean it like that." Jade gives him an incredulous look. "I just- There's only room for one of us to be falling apart in this relationship and it can't always be you. Sometimes I need to be the broken one."

"Got it. You done?"

Beck sighs and reaches for her hand. She flinches before he even gets close so he pulls back. "I'm sorry. You know I love you." Jade rolls her eyes. "No, stop. Look at me." Jade stares over his shoulder. "Please." Jade shifts at his plea before finally meeting his eyes. "I love you so fucking much and I hate this. I hate that this is what our relationship has come to."

"Lucky for you we don't have one anymore."

"Goddammit, Jade. Just fucking be here with me."

"This is all bullshit and you know it. Going on and on about how you love me and how you need to be the broken one? Are you kidding me? That's how you want to justify throwing away our relationship?"

"It's the truth." Beck tries to follow her eyes as she looks away. "It was killing me. Taking care of you 24/7 without ever feeling like I could talk to you or have a bad day without it sending you into some sort of spiral. I can't live like that." She still won't look at him. "Jade, please."

"You could have said something."

Beck throws his hands up. "What was I supposed to say? How was I supposed to look into your eyes and turn you away? Watch you fall into an episode alone?"

"I'm not a child, Beck."

"No, you're the girl I love."

"Stop saying that, jesus." Jade grips her keys tighter until she can feel the metal imprinting into her skin.

"I didn't know what to do and I handled it wrong and I'm sorry." Jade swallows back the lump in her throat. This was exactly what she was trying to avoid. She didn't want to have this talk. It was only going to make the pain worse and she didn't need any help in that department. Nothing he said would make her feel better, no reasoning or explanation was going to fix how broken they were. "Jade?"

She glances up sharply as she realizes that she's been quiet too long. "Your parents are getting divorced?"

"Yeah," Beck breathes.

"How long?"

Beck shrugs. "I don't know. Few months."

Jade bites the inside of her cheek. "Months. Wow. I really suck, huh?"

He can hear the bitterness in her voice and it breaks something in him. "No. You have your own stuff."

"You should have been able to tell me anyway. God, I should have known. I was there every night." How had she not noticed the tension between his parents? Between Beck and his parents? "Am I really that selfish?"

"What? No." Beck takes another small step forward. The distance between them is far too little to justify to anyone looking in.

Jade glances up to help blink the tears away. "I can work on it."

Beck shakes his head sadly, "No, you can't." He meets her watery eyes and he knows that this isn't the right decision. He's going to regret this, but he doesn't know what else to do. "You can't control this. And I love you for wanting to try but if you could control this, we wouldn't even be having this discussion. We wouldn't be broken up."

Jade nods and steps back. "I need to go." She doesn't wait for his response before climbing into her car and peeling out of the driveway.