The silence was deafening.
MC swallowed, giving his voice a much needed rest. For better or worse, his part was over for now. All that remained was to await their responses.
…
None were given. They remained just as quiet as they'd been throughout his entire explanation, save for the few odd interruptions to ask for clarifying details. They had yet to say any words about the actual content, but he was sure that would be coming up in a bit. They probably just needed a bit more time to let it all… sink in.
It was weird. He wished for them to speak up and break this oppressive, choking atmosphere already, but at the same time he desperately wanted them to stay silent like this forever, too afraid of their reactions. For that same reason, he hadn't even been able to look up at any point during the recounting of events and had instead kept his eyes locked to his feet. As if he could somehow convince his brain the four girls weren't there.
But needless to say, that was far from the case.
Fucking coward!
Rambling thoughts were swirling through his mind at a break-neck pace, making half-formed speculations about the things they could be thinking of him now. Shock? Anger? Disgust? Surely, some combination of those three. Even if they by some miracle didn't hate him now, there was no possible way they could still be appreciative of him.
He knew they'd said they wouldn't be upset or offended, but… there were limits to good will, and he'd gone and exceeded every last one of them. He'd basically ripped open their most uncomfortable traumas, and made a mockery of them to boot by describing the monsters connected to them. You didn't just shrug and move on from that point without consequences.
He wondered if they'd just get it over with and break up with him right here and now. He wouldn't even blame them if they did, but he had to question how it would even work in his current condition. Would they do him the final courtesy of getting him home, or to a hospital, or were they just gonna kick him outside and leave him to the elements? Probably nothing so extreme. But then again, after what he'd just done, it was a relatively justifiable reaction…
"…wow." The silence was finally broken in the form of Sayori's quiet voice. "That version of me… sounds like a total jerk! Who the Hell does she think she is?!"
…huh?
Without thinking, MC's head shot upwards, getting his first proper look at the girls' reactions. To his great surprise and confusion, none of their expressions showed any signs of the blame, resentment or trauma he'd expected. Just… concern.
And while Sayori was clearly frowning in unmistakable anger, it… didn't seem to be directed towards him at all!
"What a dumb thing to even say, your fault!" She went on, mimicking the "catchphrase" in an over-exaggerated, mocking voice. "Your fault what? That I hung myself? If you're gonna be a meanie zombie buttface, the least she could do is be a little more specific!"
If he'd been surprised before, he was positively shocked to hear just how blasé she was being about her attempted suicide. Stunned into silence, he was only able to blink stupidly in response.
"In any case, she clearly doesn't have a clue what she's talking about!" Sayori concluded, crossing her arms as she scoffed. "That's the problem with zombies, you can't trust a word they're saying! They probably all have maggots in their brain or something gross like that!"
"H- how are you being so calm about this?" MC found his voice again. "D- doesn't it b- bother you at all?!"
"Of course I'm bothered!" She replied, tilting her head. "But not because of her! There's not a single thing about this 'Meanie Sayori' I recognize about myself, so I don't have any reason to be disturbed, or offended, or… well, anything really. The only strong emotion I really have is… embarrassment."
"Embarrassment is a good way to put it." Yuri nodded in agreement. "A tall, pale woman in a white dress, stalking your dreams? I'd hoped for my own nightmare portrayal to at least be somewhat original!"
His eyes shifted between the girls, barely able to believe what he was hearing. He noticed Natsuki leaned over in their couch with an exceptionally smug expression as she observed them, whilst Monika had begun scribbling in a little black notebook with a look that suggested pure indifference of the topic.
"I don't understand." He said, shaking his head. "How are you all so fine with it? Isn't this, like… triggering, or something?"
"I mean… maybe a little bit?" Sayori shrugged. "I don't really think I'll ever get fully over what happened that day, but… it's been almost five months. I've mostly moved past it by talking to my therapist and of course you guys. I guess it just doesn't bother me so much anymore."
"I suppose I would be upset by the symbolic inclusion of my old self-harm tendencies if I were to squint really hard and ignored all of the ridiculous cartoonisms." Yuri scoffed. "Honestly, bleeding eyes? Knife hands?! Horror works on subtlety, and there's absolutely nothing subtle about this Ghoul caricature at all!"
"It's just like I told ya, MC!" Natsuki grinned. "We're much tougher than you think we are! Nearly all my old injuries from 'Daddy Dearest' have fully healed, so what the Hell do I care if some crack-neck masochist bitch's chasing you around in dreamland? Even if I didn't know about her beforehand, Sayori's right! Nothing they do actually sounds like us, so why would we be upset? Right, Monika?"
The Club President didn't reply, but continued making her notes.
"…Monika?" Nat repeated, a little louder this time.
"Just a second…" Monika muttered vaguely, not taking her eyes off the book. "I'm almost done with the description for this 'Jumpscare Monika.' She could be an interesting character to cosplay…"
The room went silent as everyone's head turned in her direction. A slight chill went down MC's spine.
"…why the fuck would you want to dress up as that?!" Natsuki demanded in an incredulous voice.
"Oh, I was just thinking it'd be a cool way for MC to get revenge." Monika put her pen down and looked up again with a large smirk. "Picture this- when MC gets back to normal and can move around again, what if I set up a scene where she comes back to haunt him, only this time he's the one in control and starts dominating her! Can you think of anything more therapeutic than literally screwing your fears away?!"
Her proposal was met with even more silent, blank stares.
"…why are you like this?" Natsuki finally asked.
"I had an awesome upbringing." Monika winked back.
"While I applaud the s- sentiment behind the idea…" Yuri began, her face red. "It d- does sound maybe a t- tad… tasteless."
"The bitch stole my likeness." Monika shrugged. "Only fair I steal her dignity in return."
"Uh-" He began, unsure of how to put this politely. "Yeah, I… really think I'd prefer if you didn't do that. Like, ever."
"Why, of course! Your wish is my command!" She smiled back, closing the notebook. "Probably too soon, anyway. I'll bring it up again next Halloween and see how you feel about it then."
He was just about to protest and tell her he wouldn't be comfortable with the proposal for as long as he lived when she started speaking again.
"But yeah, otherwise I totally agree! Don't really get what I have to be offended about. I mean, with the other nightmares I can at least see some credence to the uncertainty, with the whole 'dark perversions of the past' gimmick, but this one? 'Just Monika,' and a jumpscare? It sounds like she really wanted a catchphrase with the same oomph as Sayori's 'your fault,' but it just comes across as lazy and try-hardy. Freaking laaame!"
He could hear their words clear as day, understand what they were telling him perfectly, and yet- he still had trouble actually believing them. All this time, he'd been so scared of how they might react to hearing the truth, but now here they were… completely fine with it?
It didn't make any sense!
"I still don't understand." He said, lost.
"It's simple enough, MC." Sayori shrugged. "This isn't our story anymore, it's yours! Right now, you're the one who needs help and guidance, not us! Oh, I just wish you would've told us sooner!"
"It's… our fault, really." Yuri said, quietly. "We've all talked between ourselves about these events, helping each other come to terms with them after the fact. But, as I now realize… we've once again failed to include you. We just incorrectly assumed you'd be perfectly fine after saving us, without even stopping to consider how horrifying it must have been for you. Discovering my scars, fighting Natsuki's father, finding Sa- Mm. In- in a sense, you have endured more than all of us combined…"
"But I didn't!" He protested, offended at the implication. "I've never suffered like you have, I was just… there, at the time! I don't deserve anyone's pity, I'm just- I'm too weak to handle it!"
"Yeah, no. Enough of that." Monika frowned, sternly. "What happened between you guys was horrible for everyone involved, MC. That means you, too. Look, I wasn't even personally present for any of this, I just heard about it second-hand when they pitched the Arrangement to me. And you know what? I had nightmares for weeks afterwards, too!"
"You- what?!" He stared at her blankly, caught off guard by her confession.
"I know I put on this whole 'carefree' persona where I pretend nothing bothers me." She sighed. "And maybe I shouldn't do that so much. The truth is… I had to talk this over many times with the others just to function properly again, and I was the one least involved! Does that make me 'weak' in your book?"
"I- no, of course not!" He frowned. The very suggestion was among the most ridiculous things he'd heard. Monika, whom he'd seen stand up to bullies twice her size at school until they cowered away, being weak? Absolutely ludicrous. "But still, it's not the same-"
"I think this might be some kinda dumb, toxic macho mindset. Like-" Natsuki made her voice even lower and deeper than Monika's 'CM' voice. "AWOOGA, ME MC! MC BIG, STRONG MAN! MC NOT BOTHERED LIKE PUNY GIRL, MC PROTECT! AWOOGA! Hate to break it to ya, but that brand of sexism stopped being hot back in the late 70's, and it's just kinda cringe now."
"That's not how I think about you at all!" He objected.
"Trauma isn't some competition to see who's suffered the most, y'know." Monika said. "You don't have to check your privilege or something to see if you've earned the right to have feelings, that's not how it works."
"And don't worry so much about making us 'relive' anything!" Sayori chimed in. "We're not porcelain dolls who'll break at the lightest touch! All that stuff's in the past, and I think we're all fine talking about it. 'Cuz like, that's the only way you can move past it!"
"Yeah, what she said." Natsuki nodded. "I wouldn't say Papa beating me to a pulp on a bi-daily basis is my favorite thing in the world to chat, but I'm not gonna get anxiety attacks about it either. It's over and done with now."
"I- I know I still always cover my arms..." Yuri added, fidgeting with her sleeve. "I just find them… unsightly, and perhaps just a bit gross. B- but… I don't think I'd mind showing them here among my friends, if- if that would put you more at ease…"
"I- I just-" He sighed deeply, feeling his eyes become hot and watery. "I just thought you needed me to… to help you."
"AWOOGA." Natsuki put on the caveman voice again. "MC HELP PUNY GIRL, PUNY GIRL NOT HELP MC! MC IS THE STRONGEST THERE IS-"
"Enough." Sayori quieted her with a look. "MC, we know. The thing is, we did need you, and you delivered. I think it's fair to say most of us wouldn't even be alive today if not for you. But now, we're fine. So please, allow us to return the favor?"
He hesitated for a second, struggling to think of counter-arguments.
He found none.
"Okay." He sighed. "Th- thank you."
"I- I think we may already have…" Yuri suggested slowly. "If- if we accept that these apparitions stem from the traumatic events you witnessed and the misguided notion that you couldn't ever bring them up around us, then… I'd suspect talking about them just now and reassuring your consciousness that it's not a taboo subject would have made the nightmares much less active, if they'll even continue to appear."
"You really think so?" He asked, frowning as he tried to understand.
"Well… we could still try keeping a dream journal like I suggested earlier." She smiled. "But truth be told, I'd be very surprised if these 'monsters' will reappear with anything close to the same intensity."
"The important thing to remember here is that nightmares are only ever as strong as our fear allows them to be." Monika advised. "And nothing is scarier than uncertainty and isolation. So as with all other things, communication is key here. You'll have to tell us any and all doubts you may have so we can do our best to quell them."
"Ultimately, they're just bad dreams." Sayori reminded him. "Yeah they're spooky, but they can't actually hurt you."
"B- but what if they can?" He gulped, feeling his anxiety rising anew. "I was awake at that forest trip, and I felt those fingers digging into me, I know I did!"
"I believe you." Natsuki crossed her arms firmly. "But I don't think it's any reason to worry. Sometimes I wake from nightmares extra sore where Papa used to hit me, but no actual bruises. It sucks, but phantom pains are a thing."
"You've suffered the equivalent of mental torture for months, with a full-limb paralysis stacked on top of it." Yuri reasoned. "I think any one of us would have been driven half-mad in your position. S- speaking as someone who has experience with mental illness, I'd… honestly be surprised if vivid hallucinations weren't part of your symptoms."
"What Yuri said." Monika agreed. "It only makes sense that your phantom pains would feel more realistic after so long without proper stimuli."
"Or maybe it means Monika should file down her nails a bit!" Sayori teased, giving their hostess a playful elbow punch. She received an immediate head-smack with a pillow in return.
"I personally saw your back during the bath yesterday." Yuri said, shaking her head at Sayori's antics. "And I can assure you, there weren't any signs of intrusions from this 'Jumpscare Monika.'"
"I love how that's her official name now." Monika giggled. "Sounds so silly."
"Ooh, can we call mine 'Meanie Sayori?!' 'Cuz that's exactly what she is!" Sayori suggested, rubbing her face.
"They're nightmares, not Pokémon!" Natsuki scoffed, rolling her eyes. "…and I've already copyrighted 'Fucking Neck-Bitch' by the way, so don't even bother naming mine!"
He couldn't resist a light smirk. Up until this point, his nightmares had been too horrifying to even entertain the idea of making fun of them, but Sayori and the others made it seem so natural.
It was only now that he realized how relieved he really was. It was as if he'd been collecting stress and dread, bottled it up inside like a balloon ready to burst, only to have the girls untie the knot and release it safely.
It felt great. No, not just great, it felt wonderful! For the first time in so, so long, he actually felt hopeful for the future again!
And it was all thanks to them.
"That said, neither of us are Doctors or Psychiatrists." Monika shrugged. "I could call up Cynthia and ask, but Yuri's honestly making a lot of sense."
"For once." Natsuki added, dodging the pillow thrown her way.
"I believe the less interaction we have with that 'Doctor,' the better." Yuri sniffed, glaring at Nat. "We'll need a few nights to test my theory of course, but if I'm correct… we may have the problem solved already."
"I'm more than willing to accept that." Monika smiled brightly, before turning to look at him. "Well, MC? How do you feel?"
"…amazing." He answered, truthfully. "Seriously, I… don't even know what to say. How can I possibly repay you guys?"
"You're so silly sometimes, MC." Sayori tsk'ed, and abruptly leaned in to plant her soft lips firmly against his.
It happened so quickly, he didn't even have time to properly process it before it was over again. Sayori broke contact first, detaching her blushing face to shoot him a playful wink. Around them, the other girls could only stare in stunned silence.
"You can repay us by promising to never be silent about your problems again."
"Was…" He managed a breathless reply, feeling his own face heating up. "…that our first, actual kiss?"
"Psh, of course not!" She chuckled, booping his nose. "We did it last night too, on the Pirate ship! Now don't think you can sneak your way out of promising!"
"All right, you got me." He couldn't help but chuckle. "Deal!"
"Jeez, so many milestones lately…" Monika shook her head, the first to recover. "I think the only one who still has yet to kiss him is you, Natsuki!"
"Yeah, so?!" Natsuki scoffed, turning her head away to hide her own blush. "Don't you put pressure on me!"
"We wouldn't dream of it." Yuri assured her with a sly smile. "Although, your hesitation towards intimacy does lead one to wonder…"
"Wonder what?! What is it?!"
"Could it be that MC has a little Ace in his deck of cards?" Monika suggested teasingly.
"Ooooh!" Sayori gasped dramatically.
"M- maybe he has!" Natsuki retorted, the pitch of her voice suspiciously high. "I- it's none of your goddamn business if I am, though!"
"It's really not." MC supported her. "I love all of you the same, physically or not."
"Why, of course! Naturally, we'd respect her no matter what!" Monika smiled, raising her hands defensively. "…although you have to admit, being 'physical' with your girlfriends is a big bonus, right?"
"I'm gonna plead the fifth on that one." He said, having learned a long time ago to never take sides in these matters.
"Always the Diplomat." She sighed.
"I- I think we should be focusing more on the mystery we did get settled today." Yuri said. "I think we could be safe in assuming MC's nights will be a lot more peaceful from now on."
"Yeah…" Natsuki nodded. "At least on the nights he doesn't have to share bed with Monika."
"You flatter me." Monika winked.
"It wasn't a compliment."
He smiled along with them as the banter continued, feeling like an anvil had been lifted off his shoulders.
God, I hope they're right…
Apologies for the wait-to-content ratio on this one, was hoping to have this up sooner but then Christmas kicked my ass. Next chapter is gonna be much, much longer.