Chapter Revamped: 14 December 2020
Humanity's Strongest Woman by xDollfie
Chapter 03 — First Expedition
The day had finally come, the day of her first expedition.
As a relatively skilled amateur, she was cocky.
Cocky enough to think that joining the Survey Corps on an expedition outside the walls would be an adventure that would enlighten her. It was a definite way to protect humanity, a way to give her a purpose in life and a sense of belonging to this world.
It had been four years since Ida had witnessed mankind's defeat when humanity had neither the power nor the measures to oppose Titans. Four years since she had witnessed Shiganshina district transform into a field of corpses. She knew the terror of the Titans — but was she afraid? No. Things were far different now. She was different.
Four years ago, humanity had launched an all-out attack against Titans when they sent able-bodied men and women to retake Wall Maria and yet they achieved nothing, only a genocide. The only reason why Ida was spared from the culling was because she was captured and smuggled to the Underground City.
It was obvious enough to the cynical Ida that humanity could never win against the Titans.
However, what was she fighting for if she was so adamant about insisting that mankind would never be victorious in this war with the Titans? As she pondered about it, she took in the image of her comrades mounted on top of their horses.
There was no doubt that they were fighting for freedom, but what was she fighting for?
Truth to be told, Ida didn't know.
The concept of 'freedom' was strange to her. Ida couldn't understand what it was exactly.
The word "freedom" alone was enough to evoke hope in hundreds of brave men, it was enough to send them beyond the Walls where dangers lurked, and enough for righteous men to sacrifice their lives — so what was it?
What was so special about it that drove the Survey Corps to repeatedly go on life-threatening expeditions after expeditions regardless of failing each time?
What does freedom feel like? Was it worth it? Ida just had to wonder to herself. The closest experience that she could match up with that enigmatic word was when Erwin brought her up to the world above from the Underground City — the sun on her cheeks again, the wind in her hair — was that what freedom felt like?
Or was freedom something more objective, like when she collected her warrant from Levi which granted her citizenship to the land above once again?
Ida felt goosebumps as she stood amidst the brave legion of the Survey Corps, mounted on her horse. She could hear the citizens' murmurs growing louder with excitement as the legion waited for the gates to open.
"They're here! The main forces of Survey corps are here!"
"Bring pride to humanity, Commander Erwin!"
"Look! That's Captain Levi, they say he alone counts for a full unit!"
"Slay the Titans, Humanity's Strongest!"
Here we go again. Ida rolled her eyes dramatically at their praises. If only they knew what a clean freak Levi was — she reckoned they would've probably thrown him over the Walls because they couldn't stand his annoying habit of wanting everything to be utterly spotless.
"Oh, is that the rumored Starke girl?"
She froze on her horse, feeling countless tiny pricks as the citizens stared at her. The sudden scrutiny felt like daggers stabbing her.
"Such a pretty face for a disgraced child, she won't stand a chance on the Titans. Why is she even in the Survey Corps anyway?"
"Maybe this is a new way for the nobility to get rid of unwanted illegitimate children?"
She breathed in deeply and looked ahead. Do not let it hurt you.
Ida would've respected them more if they could tune their volume down a notch. Their words caused unpleasant memories to bubble up out of her subconsciousness; she had heard people gossip about her heritage when she lived in Shiganshina District as well.
Truth to God, she had grown accustomed to the ridicule, but it didn't stop her features from contorting into a scowl. It wasn't the gossip that pissed her off, it was their pitiful stares that she detested. Those disapproving eyes that condemned her existence.
It doesn't matter, she decided. They don't matter.
Despite her conviction to abide religiously to her statement, she found herself clenching her fist tightly just.
"Rumors spread fast. They will never shut up, so get used to it."
She gave Levi an unwelcome glance. He pulled his horse up next to her. Ida sensed that he was annoyed, though whether it was because of the noise or because of what they said about her, she wasn't sure
"I don't really care," she said, never thawing her icy expression. "I've heard comments like that all my life, it doesn't affect me."
The furrows building on Levi's forehead spoke of skepticism. Feeling uncomfortable with his scrutinizing gaze, Ida opted for a change in subject.
"Humanity's strongest soldier, eh? For a midget like yourself, you really are the glory of the Survey Corps."
He snorted sarcastically at her remark. "They'll be condemning us to hell by the time we get back."
She nodded, suddenly remembering the Survey Corps was the most hated branch of the military. "Right, looking forward to that spectacle."
Levi made a small noise of disbelief through his nose but said nothing further. Then, the large metal bell resonated its screaming rings from on top of the gates, signaling the opening of the gates. Each loud ring reverberated deep into her body.
"Do you remember what I said? This isn't your playground, Starke. Don't go three horses behind me and heed to orders."
"Worry about yourself instead," she said sharply, not wanting to be catered to. "I can handle myself."
She was no child and Ida certainly didn't want 'special' treatment from her Captain. There was enough gossip and hostility among her squad.
In any case, she was confident she could ensure her own safety. If not so, then she'd gladly submit to her fate today. It was a gamble that Ida was willing to take, it wasn't like she had anything to look forward to in life anyway. No prospect, nothing.
She had long accepted that she had resigned herself to die.
Might as well deliver my body to the Titans huh, she thought wryly, walk myself straight to death. How nice.
Levi looked slightly amused at her confident statement, then immediately disturbed. He appeared to have something he wanted to say, an acid retort perhaps, but before he could, an announcement came from the frontlines.
"Thirty seconds until we open the gates! All personnel, prepare to depart!"
Finally.
She smirked morosely to herself. Titan territory was dangerous and unpredictable in even the best circumstances, she had learned. For many soldiers, it proved to be fatal. It had been just three weeks since she had joined the legion, and she knew the general consensus was that it was still far too early for her to embark on an expedition.
Still, Levi had argued; she needed to experience what it was like to be outside the Walls on a scouting expedition — Ida had lived through Shiganshina, so what was the point in treating her with kid gloves now?
At her Captain's argument, Erwin reluctantly relented.
"Whoa look! It's the Survey corps! They call the emblems on the backs the Wings of Freedom!"
At the sound of the cheery voice, she turned to see two kids pointing towards her. Strangely enough, even though the thoughts of her prospective death were swirling in her mind, Ida felt her foreign warm blooming in her chest. Suddenly, she became conscious of the emblem on her back.
Much to her surprise, the dark thoughts dissipated, and her heart swelled with pride that she was part of the Survey Corps. She couldn't fight the small smile off her lips.
A purpose in life…
"Humanity will take another step forward! Show me what you can do, soldiers! Open the gates!" Erwin yelled with a resounding conviction from the front lines, sparking a roaring warrior cry from his soldiers. "We will now begin the 49th expedition beyond the walls!"
Marie gave her a thumbs up. "Do your best, Starke!"
"Same for you."
And the gates opened.
The legion advanced. Ida gave out a soft gasp when she finally exited the gates.
Her heartbeat elevated in adrenaline as her senses sped to comprehend all that was going on around her. The picturesque image of the beautiful horizon, the air fresh and crisp, the overwhelming sunlight, the feeling of her horse sprinting underneath her.
God, how long had it been? She had been in Wall Maria before, lived there even. So why was it that the taste of the air felt so different to her now?
Ida found it hard to put a name to the emotions she was experiencing, but it was mesmerizing.
Maybe it was because she had lived in the darkness of the Underground City for the past four years. Maybe it was due to the adrenaline that pumped through her veins, highly conscious that she was in Titan's territory.
Or maybe, just maybe, this was what freedom felt like.
She squinted her eyes as she stared directly into the sun.
Suddenly, Ida became aware of her pounding heart and the humming in her ears, indulging her every sense. The feeling was liberating, nothing like she had ever felt before. If this was the taste of freedom, then maybe, just maybe she could understand why.
For the first time in a long time, Ida felt unburdened, so free and liberated.
Was this the reason why the Survey Corps was fighting a fruitless battle? Was this the reason behind the drive of the foolish soldiers?
She closed her eyes and breathed, and she could picture the towering Wall Maria in her mind. She couldn't deny it, this feeling of pure freedom was only those that ventured outside the walls knew.
Liberation. The sunrays softly beating down on their skins as though to cleanse away her agony. It was nothing compared to just being able to live in the lands above the Underground.
All this time she had been locked up like a wingless bird in the cage, trapped and confined within her circumstances. For the first time in her life, she finally felt like she had wings — a purpose and a direction in life. Ida finally understood why the Survey Corps' emblem was called the Wings of Freedom; the feeling of being outside the Walls was what she could only compare to that of a bird gliding in the air.
But soon enough, reality pulled her down from the cloud nine that she was on and she fell from grace without a safety net. The cold, heartless reality that freedom was only deprived from humanity because of the dangers that lurked beyond the Walls.
"Titan"
As quickly as she submerged herself into her calm reverie, Ida snapped out of her dreamy thoughts. A steel edge lined her jaw when she saw the very monsters that obliterated her every happiness.
It was just as she remembered it — immense, grotesque, and intimidating beyond words. Its massive stature and its loathsome face were enough to send any brave soldier cowering on his knees in fear.
But oddly enough, she did not feel any fear building up within her. Instead, she felt rage.
The phantom pain-wrought screams of people… The horrifying glass-like eyes of the Titans… The blood and unrecognizable corpses that rained down on the grounds of a decimated town… The memory of everything was still so palpable in her mind.
Fear was a heart-wrenching emotion, only experienced by people who were afraid of losing something. Humans felt fear for the Titans because they fear death. But it was different for Ida, she was not afraid to die.
Because if the heavens were to declare that she would die today, then she would accept it gratefully.
But if she were to go down, she had formed a resolve to do it in a meaningful way. At least that way, her pitiful existence would have served a purpose. If Ida had to put it in terms; she was just a prideful coward.
She found herself staring at Levi's back in front of her.
Of course, she thought sullenly. It wasn't the same for him, no matter how similar our pasts are. He is different.
"Sixteen-meter class from the left of the forest, it's heading straight for us!"
The experienced veterans immediately took charge of the situation and Ida watched in silent awe at the efficient way they functioned. From what she had observed till now, the Survey Corps squads were usually separated most of the time, each breaking off into different groups during meals, but outside the Walls it was different. They were a single troop united with a single goal.
One heart, one goal, one soul.
Ida understood then, this was the trust that Marie was talking about three weeks back.
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
Damn it. Levi hadn't expected to see a Titan so soon.
Tsk. What a great way to start off an expedition.
"It's too close!" Eld said anxiously behind him. "We can't avoid it on a horse, we have no choice but to take it down! Do not let it destroy the formation!"
He made an annoyed noise underneath his nose and turned back to his squad. "Eld, take Oluo and subdue that damn thing! The main forces will continue with the supplies!"
Immediately, Eld took charge, pulling his horse towards the direction of the quickly approaching Titan. He raced towards it with Oluo and Petra following behind, separating from the formation. "Do not let it escape the forest! Switch to your gear!"
"Roger!"
Levi looked back to the front, trusting that his squad would be able to handle the Titan was ease. So far, there still weren't any instructions from Erwin: they still had to read the plains to convert to long-distance formation.
"Titan! Another four-meter class hiding in the forest!"
What?
His eyes moved like a hawk across the dense forest, snagging on the distinct peace color of the Titan's body contrasting with the green surrounding. Though the legion sped past it, it didn't seem to approach the nearest life force. Instead, it was running—heading—somewhere else.
Don't fucking tell me...
Another cry from Marie confirmed his suspicion. "It isn't approaching us! It's an abnormal! It's going straight for Eld and Oluo!"
"Fuck!" Levi reeled his horse around. They were too far away to hear the warning. He galloped full speed towards the Titan, hands already on his hand grips. Rage bubbled within him. He would be damned if he allowed his subordinates to die on him.
He had to get there on time. The Titan was fast approaching Eld and Oluo. From the way they positioned themselves, they could hear the thundering footsteps, and they quickly took to the sky.
Levi's eyes expanded when he realized something disturbingly paramount: Oluo was moving in the wrong direction.
"Watch out—!"
But it was too late, Oluo didn't have enough time to dodge the Titan due to its sudden appearance. A heartbeat later, Eld's blood-curdling shriek of denial could be heard just as the Titan grabbed onto Oluo mid-air like he was a doll
Eld halted his escape and sped towards him. "OLUO!"
"AH! Let me go!" Oluo screamed while the massive grip tightened around his body. His legs failed in the air as he struggled fruitlessly.
Too far. Levi knew he couldn't reach on time. And so, he could only watch helplessly as the Titan brought his subordinate to its mouth, ready to chomp down and end his life. No matter how many comrades Levi had seen fall on the battlefield, he would never be accustomed to the sight.
"Shit!"
Then, a flash of red caught his attention.
Reeling herself in as the Titan brought the screaming Oluo to its mouth, Ida tightened her grip on her blades. Within a second, she had impaled her grapple towards a nearby tree. When she reached, Ida released the grapple, spinning in a circle with finesse and proficiency.
A deep slash soon established itself at the nape of the Titan.
Blood spilled from the deeply lacerated wound and it wasn't before long when the Titan fell to its demise, releasing its grip on a wheezing and red-faced Oluo.
Levi watched the sudden attack from afar in surprise. Fast. Her attack was swift, precise, and deadly, showing extreme experience and advanced usage of the 3DMG. He was impressed, but he wasn't going to let it show.
When Levi had reached the scene, Ida had already landed on top of the steaming and disintegrating Titan. She panted and flicked her messy red braid across her shoulder.
"Stupid damn thing," she mumbled while she hopped off the Titan.
Levi pulled his horse to a steady halt. Blood from the Titan was splattered across Ida's face. She ignored his presence and leveled her gaze on the wheezing Oluo on the ground.
Eld was beside him, patting his back. "Oi Oluo, you good?
"Y – Yeah…" Oluo coughed, his expression thankful for his narrow escape from death.
Levi felt the tension in his racing heart dissipating. Thank fuck. Once he had ascertained Oluo's wellbeing, he turned his narrowed eyes to the stoic Ida by the side.
"I didn't give you the order to follow after them, did I? You acted without orders, Starke."
Ida rolled her eyes. "I saw the other Titan approaching when they left."
Levi was befuddled. The fuck? She had seen it?
"And you didn't think to report it?"
"They were too far away to hear me."
"I meant to the damn legion," Levi growled, his rage sizzling inside of him.
"Can't you just be grateful?" she snapped without the necessary filter. "If I wasn't so disobedient, his sorry ass would've been Titan feed by now."
She moved to Oluo and grabbed his arm, pulling him none too gently to his feet. "Get your ass up, we still have a long way to go. They might be more of them here."
Levi exercised his jaw. He had meant to tell her how much of an idiotic fool she was – that obviously, none of the fucking lectures from Petra had worked, that she should've informed the legion before anything, and that a smooth transaction of information is what keeps them alive beyond the walls, but for once, the shitty brat was right.
There might be more Titans in the forest.
And so, all Levi could do was to indignantly swallow down his words. He wouldn't forget about her blunder, but it wasn't the right time.
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
She was alive.
Much to her amazement, Ida was astonished that she was still kicking. Two hours into the expedition and the Survey Corps had reached its destination.
In all honesty, she had expected herself to be swimming in a Titan's stomach by now, reduced to nothing but flesh and bones. The legion had stopped by an abandoned village to set up a logistics base and she was finally able to have a minute to sort out her feelings.
She took a quick glance at Oluo with Petra as she walked past him. A small relieved smile spread on her lips. It was good to see him alive.
Unable to fight it, a phantom feeling of pride blossomed in her chest for her field of work. As much as she detested her loudmouth squadmate, it wasn't like she wanted him dead.
She peered at her hands as she walked. These hands that had only killed…
Now, she was protecting others instead of taking lives. She felt warm at that thought, suddenly feeling that she was well on her way on her road to repentance.
This way, maybe she could even be as perfect as Levi Ackerman.
Ida settled on the old box near the tent by herself. She closed her eyes and attempted to relax. It wasn't before long she realized that she had picked the worst spot for her reflection time.
Gods, not again.
Ida silently cursed at the familiar voices erupting from the tent behind her. It was her again. Hanji Zoe. A minute hadn't even passed when the legion arrived at the abandoned village before the lunatic started prattling on about her relentless rants about what amazing creatures the Titans were.
She just didn't get what the eccentric brunette saw in those grotesques monsters.
While Ida agreed they were fascinating creatures with their massive size and the amount of destructive power they have, but after witnessing the horrors that they bring once again, her hatred for the terrifying creatures had finally reached its peak.
Eleven men, that was how much it took for them to get this far.
Eleven brave soldiers had embarked on a journey in search of freedom, only to have it mercilessly snatched away when their lives abruptly ended on the battlefield.
A horde of Titans had suddenly appeared and immediately overwhelmed the entire enemy detection right flank of the formation and even though she wasn't present to witness their tragic demise, Ida could imagine it.
The blood, the gruesome entrails, and their agonizing screams as they begged for their lives — everything was fresh in her memory from the day the Colossal Titan breached the Wall of Shiganshina. Every time she closed her eyes, Ida could still remember their faces when they were slaughtered right in front of her.
Humanity hasn't changed one bit… Ida thought bitterly, kicking a stone. We're still weak.
Clenching on the area above her heart, she willed the stinging sensation to fade.
Her expression contorted to one of deeply disturbed contemplation. How could anyone, Survey corps soldier or not, still hope for freedom after watching that massacre? That brief feeling of freedom wasn't worth it all, it simply wasn't worth eleven men. So, what was it that fuels these brave soldiers to venture beyond the wall and kill Titan after Titan?
Within the first few minutes that Ida ventured beyond the walls, Ida admitted that she had naively thought that freedom was indeed worth it. But now, hours into the expedition, she changed her mind.
No, freedom just wasn't worth it.
Freedom isn't worth human lives.
She stared at the Survey Corps emblem on a passing soldier.
Wings of Freedom...? Ida had to restrain an indignant scoff. It is nothing more but bloodstained patchwork wings.
There is no freedom in this hell.
It wasn't as if Ida cared or desired freedom as much as her comrades did. In fact, she wouldn't mind if freedom was deprived from mankind forever. Try as she might to convince herself that it mattered to her, she could not.
To her, freedom — no matter how pleasant and liberating it was — was simply not worth it. It was simply not worth human lives to her because she valued the lives of humans higher than anything else. But Ida couldn't deny that she was intrigued by how these people would gladly give their lives for something so insignificant and so far beyond their reach.
If it wasn't freedom, then what was it?
It was a question that Ida couldn't crack no matter how much she pondered over it. But she was determined to find out by the end of this expedition.
She was determined to find something else worth fighting for.
Suddenly, Erwin emerged from the tent with Hanji chasing after him. Ida snapped out of her reverie.
"Hey! Wait, Erwin!" Hanji called desperately. "Are you listening to me?!"
Her lips thinned at the sight. Ida guessed that the freak was still trying to convince Erwin to enlist men on a mission to capture a live Titan specimen for experimentation, but it didn't seem like Erwin was going to cave in anytime soon.
Ida briefly met eye contact with Erwin, before she hastily averted her eyes away, praying that he wouldn't approach her with one of his attempts at small talks again. Which to her relief, he didn't, and instead opted to walk away with a stoned firm expression.
"It's no use Hanji-san. We put our lives on the line just trying to kill that thing, there's no way we can take one alive." Oluo stood by the mouth of the tent, haughtily scoffing at the spectacle.
Much to her surprise, an enraged Hanji whirled around. Soon, her hands were fisted around Oluo's collar and she easily lifted him off the ground.
With tangible menace, she cut his wide-eyed face apart with a fanatical creepy glare. "Think about this, Oluo. Let's say Levi's coming and he's dead set on killing you... What would you do? Could you fight him and survive?"
Ida furrowed her brows, only silently watching. Was this Hanji's infamous madness she heard so much about?
"O — Of course not…." Oluo panted, sweat building on his forehead. "H — Hey… I can't breathe."
Hanji's brown eyes sparkled with madness. "Want me to tell you how you can win that fight...? You do your homework… The place he works, the food he hates, his taste in women, the number of times he takes a piss..."
Her grip on him got tighter as Oluo struggled, foam building up his mouth. But the eccentric squad leader appeared to be too drunk in her lust for information on Titans to acknowledge his difficulty in breathing.
"You find out everything you can about him! Once you know him, you can find a weakness you can exploit! If you don't do that before you fight, you will die for sure!"
"Hanji-san!" Petra cried out in panic. "Please stop!"
"Squad leader, you're going too far!"
Ida watched as a brunette came sprinting towards them.
Oh, this must be Mobilt Berner. The freak's assistant.
Though she wasn't that sociable to make any friends, Petra was kind enough to give her a rundown of the important members of the Survey Corps.
Hanji scoffed in annoyance when saw Mobilt. But that seemed to be enough because she loosened her grip around Oluo's collar and released him. Oluo went plummeting to the ground, gasping and wheezing as he drank the air around him greedily. Petra was by his side, helping him back to his feet.
After a few more seconds of silence, Hanji effortlessly changed the subject, sounding a bit more like her normal, more chipper self. "Ah, my bad! But you get my point, right?"
A disbelief expression touched Oluo's face. Much to his dismay, Hanji only offered him a large, friendly grin, acting as though nothing had happened.
Ida grimaced. Now that she had seen it herself, she was certain the rumors about the freak was true. Her obsession with Titan experimentation to a point of insanity. The eccentric squad leader clearly had a few loose screws here and there.
"Tch, you're so stupid, Bozado."
Oluo threw her a scathing glare at her input. She returned it with a look on her face that said she meant nothing by that statement and she clarified herself, "If that were to happen, just steal Levi's rag and cleaning supplies and make a mess of his room, surely he would go ballistic to a point he would even forget about killing you."
Her snarky comment sent Petra and Hanji giggling.
"Of course, you would know, Starke!" Petra laughed. "You stole his cleaning supplies before, didn't you?"
Ida cringed, remembering the time where Levi raged through the headquarters like a grumpy sod he was, looking for his missing cleaning supplies. Unfortunately, he had correctly discerned that it was Ida was the one who hid them. She had denied it. But much to her chagrin, she was left with a back-breaking punishment of sharpening the entire legions' blades.
"I figured that if I hid it, I wouldn't have to wake up at five every morning to do the cleaning," she shrugged. "That went splendidly well, however."
Hanji suddenly dove in front of her and grabbed her hands, her eyes twinkling in what looked to be the hope that she found someone who shared her ideas.
"Exactly! So, you understand why it was so important to exploit the Titan's weakness, right?! Say, why don't you help me capture a Titan?!"
"No." Ida flatly rejected and tried to get out of Hanji's vice-like grip. "And please, get your hands off me."
However, the freak simply refused to leave her alone.
"I'm Hanji Zoe by the way, but I'm sure you know that already! We haven't really talked, have we?" she introduced joyfully, shaking her hand vigorously and ignoring the growing frown on her face. "I saw the way you brought down the Titan! That was amazing! I could use your help once I get Erwin to agree to spare me some men for my operation to capture one!"
"No thank you," Ida shot her down again. She couldn't fight off the disgust on her face when she thought about capturing a Titan and bringing it within the Walls.
Undeterred by her obvious discomfort, Hanji slapped Ida's back and laughed merrily. "I look forward to your help in the future! Hey, you didn't come here from the training corps, right? Where did you learn how to use 3DMG?"
Ida released a soft sigh as Hanji continued to pepper her questions. It was hopeless. No matter how many times she tried to reject her, it was obvious she simply wouldn't take no for an answer.
"I was self-taught. Nothing special." Ida amused her in a dull tone, wanting nothing more than to shake Hanji off her back as soon as possible.
As expected, Hanji wasn't satisfied with her short vague answers and tried to make conversation, "How have you been adapting to the Survey Corps? Having a hard time?"
"Everyone here is hot-headed and it's a den of weirdos that won't shut up for a minute about Titans."
She had hoped she would get the hint, but her plans backfired again. Hanji only blinked twice before bursting out in laughter and grinned a smile so wide that it seemed un-proportional on her small face.
"You know..." she scooted closer towards Ida, who uncomfortably etched away from her. "…I could tell you about Titan experimentation if you like…"
Oh fuck.
"Stop it, you damn four-eyes. Are you trying to make me quit my job?"
Much to Ida's relief, Levi came to her rescue with an intimidating scowl on his face that she was sure to even put the eccentric squad leader into submission. "Your insanity is contagious and if another shitty glasses starts prancing around the legion, I'm quitting on the damn spot."
For once, Ida was glad to see his face, she would've hated to experience the infamous 'eight-hour rant' about the importance of Titan experimentation from the brazen scientist that she had heard so much about. Silently, she moved closer to him, hoping that it would get Hanji to finally leave her alone.
"You get so worked up over nothing." Hanji pouted. She peered at Ida who had found refuge behind him. "Hey, isn't it suffocating to always be with a guy like him?"
"Yeah."
"Shut up and go bother someone else," Levi deadpanned and gestured to Ida. "She's got work to do."
As fast as her pout came to her face, it dissipated and was replaced by a jovial smile. "Alright! Later then!"
Even though Hanji finally retreated, Ida could hear her still going on about Erwin's misstep for not capturing a live specimen. Moblit scurried to catch up with her, trying earnestly to calm her down.
Poor guy, Ida mused as she watched their retreating figures.
Reserved pity caused her lips to press together. Mobilt had his work seriously cut out for him if he had to be around someone like Hanji all the time. But then again, between Levi and Hanji as squad leaders, she didn't know who had the harder life, Moblit or her.
"I still don't get her…"
"You won't ever," Levi remarked with a low irritable growl, overhearing her comments. "She's psychotic, that's all you need to know."
"Right... I'll take note of that."
She was just about to leave the vicinity when Levi suddenly stopped in front of her path, his accusing glare piercing.
"So, it was you after all who stole my supplies."
Ida raised a brow, realizing that he had overheard their conversation. Though she was caught red-handed, Ida only held her chin imposingly high. "Took you long enough to realize that."
Levi's gaze burned into her almost threateningly, but Ida didn't flinch. She wouldn't allow that. "Your rudeness goes beyond the roof as usual, but I admire your stupid valiant dedication to make my life a miserable living hell, brat."
She smirked. "It's my pleasure, sir."
"That bitch is insane," Oluo's discontented voice interjected the conversation. He glared daggers at the retreating back of the Squad leader. "She belongs to the nuthouse."
Petra sighed, placing her hands on her hips as she shook her head. "You know you are part of the Survey Corps, so could you do something about that barbaric way of speaking?"
"Huh? Why do I get a lecture Petra?!" Oluo retorted defiantly. He pointed to Levi and Ida by their side and said, "I mean, look at those two! Curse words are in their daily vocabulary!"
"Shut up." Levi and Ida snapped irritably in unison.
Blinking, they averted their gaze back to each other, surprised at the coincidence of their words and tone. Her confusion only deepened when Levi's lips etched upwards slightly when he folded his arms.
A smirk? Ida frowned. Were her eyes playing with her? Why did it look like he found amusement in this?
It was the first time Ida had seen him without the usual scowl on his face. But his smirk disappeared as fast as it came, and his typical scowl came into sight, so she couldn't be sure.
"I'll get going then."
Ida was just about to leave again when Levi grabbed onto her arm. He pulled her back roughly. Bewildered, she stared at him, patiently waiting for an explanation. His scowl had since turned fearsome.
"What you did today was incredibly stupid," Levi told her, his tone dangerously close to a growl. "You disobeyed my direct orders."
She scoffed. This again?
"I don't regret it. I saved Oluo."
"If you're expecting a fucking pat on the back, don't wait up." he sneered, his sharp eyes dissecting. He scoffed at the sight of her confused expression. Suddenly, his voice dipped lower, and now there was a tinge of recognition in his baritone, "But tell me, are you really that resigned to die?"
Her eyes went round. "What?"
Levi pulled away and glared at her. "You don't give a rat's ass about freedom don't you?"
She stared at him, unable to defend herself. Ida's stunned silence was the only affirmation Levi needed.
"You had no intention for freedom or saving all of damned humanity from the start," Levi went on without mercy. "You don't care, you have already resigned yourself to die."
Ida straightened herself up at his obvious provocation. Trying her best to not become unnerved, she clenched her teeth angrily as she growled, "Don't act like you know me."
Levi quirked a brow high in a challenge. "Tsk. Really, Starke? This again?"
Her fingers flexed. Ida wanted nothing more than to wipe that smug look off his face, but she restrained herself. She had no intention of arguing with him when they were on an expedition.
"You don't fucking care — not for even Oluo's life like you tell yourself. You disobeyed my orders and broke formation, placing yourself in danger to save him, but you just needed someplace to die, some purpose in your pitiful life." Levi rained down judgment upon her, hitting right on the nail, "You got to make it looked as though you're trying to save a life so you're remembered as a damn piss-poor hero who died saving someone."
Ida's teeth clenched tighter and tighter as he went on. Her mind was already churning out a smart comeback, but she found that she couldn't bring herself to say it.
Not when Levi was right about everything.
"Do whatever you want, die the way that you want to if it pleases you." Levi's features darkened as he issued those words. "But if you ever disobey my orders again or do something stupid that risks the lives of my subordinates, I will end you myself. Their lives are not something a shitty brat like you can just play around with."
Ida was still in shock when Levi released her and left. Her chest constricted significantly as she replayed his words. Every word reminded her of how deplorable she was.
She bit her bottom lip, feeling rage not only at Levi for blatantly calling her out but also at herself for harboring such egregious thoughts.
Fuck him, she cursed, fingers coming together in anger. He doesn't understand.
But then again, how does someone so perfect as Levi Ackerman, possibly understand someone as dishonorable and cowardly as me?
"Petra! Are you done with the restocking?" Eld called from the stairs, pulling Ida out from her dazed state.
"Y — Yes Eld-san! I'm almost done!" Petra said, disarray prominent in her tone.
"I can help." Ida offered sedately, approaching the flustered girl.
She knew that she would be in trouble if they were late. The goal of their mission is to set up a supply base and time was running short. From the look of the sky, they had to get back to the Walls soon. There was no time to nurse her depression or wounded feelings.
Petra smiled warmly. "Thank you!"
Ida returned her smile with a tired one of her own. "No problem."
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
She sighed blissfully.
Finally, a moment of peace that she was extremely grateful for. Far away from a fanatical Hanji, a bitter Levi, and the rest of the squad who watched her every move with wary eyes. Ida never felt more in bliss.
She didn't belong there with the heroic soldiers. She was better off alone.
She leaned against the brick wall of a deserted house, not too far away from where the legion was at. The place was relatively isolated, but it provided her the necessary comfort time that she desired. Ida crossed her arms over her chest and simply relaxed in her newfound tranquil environment.
Her moment of peace was shortly disrupted when she heard rustling sounds from the corner. Surprised, she faced the direction of the noises. It wasn't possible that it was Titans, she wasn't that far off from the legion and she was sure that the lookout scouts would give a signal if there were any signs of the approaching danger.
"Tch." Ida gritted her teeth when she saw a familiar lock of blonde hair coming around from the corner.
Erwin Smith stopped in his tracks and looked up from his stack of papers when he heard something move in front of him. He looked relatively surprised when he saw her. A moment of apprehensive silence passed between them without one saying a single word.
"What are you doing here all alone?" Erwin said out of nowhere to break the silence, catching Ida a little off guard. "Where's your squad?"
She looked at Erwin in surprise before shifting her gaze elsewhere. Ida frowned. From his tone, she could discern that she was supposed to stick with Levi and the others since they were in Titan territory, but she just had to wonder what made Erwin speak to her.
"I don't have a squad," she answered simply, avoiding eye contact. "I'm just a member."
"I see…"
Silence passed between them for a long moment. From her peripheral view, Ida saw Erwin looking in the direction of the camp as if ensuring nobody was eavesdropping on their conversation.
"What do you think so far?" He said, keeping his voice low as he changed the subject. "Are you adjusting well?"
"I have a dick-face for a Captain, and everyone harps on about Titans all day long," Ida answered truthfully without a filter. Pressing her lips together, she looked towards the camp. "This is like a place for misfits, so I'm definitely adjusting well."
A wan smile touched Erwin's, probably sensing her sarcasm. Ida wondered what he was thinking then. He appeared to be reminiscing about something. Her mother perhaps? In her younger days, Elsie Starke was known to have a razor-sharp tongue and attitude, or so she heard from the servants. Not that Ida knew, the mother she had known was gentle and kind.
This thought vexed her and she ground her teeth.
Another stretch of silence passed between them before Erwin attempted to break it again.
"You did really well for your first expedition, you even managed to take down an abnormal deviant type on your first battle," he gave her an encouraging smile, one that she did not reciprocate.
Erwin chuckled awkwardly as if to lighten the mood when he saw her face turn dark. "Quite an accomplishment, I would say."
"If you're trying to curry me up," Ida interjected sharply. "It isn't working, Erwin. Just stop it."
He only regarded her with a small bitter smile. Ida hated that smile.
"No. I'm just saying that your comrades can relax when they have someone as talented as you in their squad. They can depend on you."
"They have Levi. He's the pride of the legion, is he not?"
"We need all the talent and potential like yours, Ida. The Survey Corps has made innumerable sacrifices over the years, yet we still don't know much about the Titans," Erwin explained earnestly. "But it's all for the sake of humanity's future, we need every person to contribute."
Ida scoffed. She knew she shouldn't have, but she took personal offense at that statement.
"Yeah, I forgot. The Survey Corps are full of bastard inhuman filth like you who would give up everything, even your family to contribute to the sake of fucking humanity and those damned Titans."
Her words were like acid, painful and crude, and it obviously stung him. Erwin's face remained composed throughout, but he allowed a sigh to pass his lips. "Ida—"
"Just leave me alone," Ida continued as though he'd never said anything in the first place.
Before Erwin could say anything else, she slid off the wall and started her way back to the legion.
"Sorry, I'm exhausted," she added briskly as she passed him, "I'll get back to my squad, sir."
My comrades can depend on me?
As she headed back to where the legion was, Ida found herself wanting to laugh at Erwin's statement that was swarming in her mind, albeit more sarcastically than anything else.
There were people that used to depend on me, Erwin... but where are they now?
Dead. Every single one of them.
I failed them.
I can't be depended on.