Thank you for the reviews and no Mac is not, AT ALL with Webb. Ewww. Why did Harm and Mac split? Well...be patient... Time for a little smutty backflash. _
Chapter 2 - I Know
"Thank you for seeing me up." There was little emotion in her voice. Certainly not any kind of invitation for the man that had insisted on following when all she wanted was to be alone in her well disguised misery. Instead Clay was on her scent like a hound in heat and she was growing tired of avoiding his advances especially since none of them had been reciprocated.
There was just something about the man that was repulsive which made it easy to keep him at arm's length despite attempts to wear her down. That tactic might have worked with Mic but she was far too old to continue to play games or fall for someone she would never really love. There was still Harm to consider and a relationship that was public knowledge once it was clear he wouldn't return to JAG.
Clay knew of their involvement and it seemed that everyone in Washington knew about their split as well. That too was public, infuriatingly so because their sparring matches in the court didn't waver even as a couple - it simply bled into real life so torrid and nasty that it left more emotional scars.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I said, I can stay if you want, make sure he doesn't come by." Webb waited for her door to open and more or less pushed inside before Mac could stop him. The manner in which he walked around her apartment was exasperating, acting as if he belonged there when it was far from the truth.
She could count on one hand how many times he'd visited and none of them involved even a passing soiree into any type of romantic involvement. And yet he walked through her home, pistol drawn as if waiting for someone to pounce from the shadows.
Mac couldn't help rolling her eyes at the theatrics, the man was an absolute clown that only kept at job with the CIA because of his mother's influence. To think he was once considered a friend. "Clay, there's no one here."
"I'll check your bedroom."
Of course he would, that was the only way he'd ever be let into that sanctuary, the closet he'd see her most private life. She let out a heavy sigh and remained in the living room while the man limped past that closed door. "You don't have to worry about him. Harm's place in my life was over before it really started. He wouldn't come here."
"You're clear." Webb stated with a flourish as he stepped out of her room several minutes later and slid the pistol into the holster beneath the jacket.
"Imagine that."
Her tone wiped the satisfied smirk off his face and it was evident how his sudden good mood changed. Clay seethed, the hand clutching his cane tightened so much that his knuckles went white. He glared at her angrily as if galant attempts to protect her were absolutely meaningless. "This isn't a joke, Sarah. Rabb is different, he's dangerous. You've seen it, you lived it."
"If he's so dangerous then why do you keep him employed?"
Webb softened for a moment, his eyes that burned with anger now stared at her like that of a lover. He took a good look at Mac, as if seeing her for the first time with the elegant dress that hugged all of the right areas. She was always a stunner and he was the man that was kept out of reach. "Sarah, I worry about you."
When he spoke, Clay's voice was deceptively low, like divulging some classified secret. A heady gaze continued to linger making Mac feel so exposed that she needed to fold her arms across her chest in an effort to shield herself. "You don't have to worry. I'm a Marine."
But, he still moved closer, ignoring the signs, her warning, until they stood a foot apart and his hand could reach her face tracing over Mac's cheek to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. The unwanted touch made her shiver and not in a good way. "This is my fault and I need to keep you safe. To protect you, always."
But his concept of being her protector came with a price Mac wasn't willing to pay. Not when she didn't love him. Not when she felt nothing by even the slightest of touch and especially not when his lips neared hers in a kiss Mac backed away from. "No, Clay. We're never gonna be more than friends. Never. "
"Never?"
"Never."
"Oh Sarah." Webb had the decency to pout like a child who's toy was taken away. For the past year he tried slipping into her life but more often than not was met with the brick wall of Sarah MacKenzie's emotions that let no one in. Clay believed he would wear her down.
He could woo her by sending flowers, gifts, mementos and even a date at a ridiculously overpriced restaurant; none of which amounted to much of anything. With Rabb gone, he had a chance but she was slipping through his fingers like the sand and time was of the essence. "What exactly did he do to you?"
His hand reached out again, fingers barely tracing her cheek which Mac backed away from. His touch made her skin crawl. She hated this. She hated him but had yet to find a method to keep Webb away for good. "I don't want to talk about Harm anymore. And when I say never, I mean it. We...You and me, we'll never be together. Let me walk you out."
It was hell to get him moving. Only a firm hand on Webb's forearm made him realize she was actually kicking him out. But, he was nothing if not stubborn and it wasn't an endearing quality like Harm's own pigheadedness, it only served to make Mac loathe Clay even more.
With a tug she got him going, guiding him through the living room until he stood on the opposite side of the threshold. The oppressive presence that surrounded him was almost gone now. It was so close she could taste the solitude Mac desperately craved.
"When do you leave?" He asked and the darkness in his eyes that she'd come to fear manifested itself. It flickered and transcended the seemingly caring friend into a predator that Mac feared. Yes, she feared Clayton Webb; the man had become a dangerous asset that she couldn't untangle herself from.
"Tomorrow."
"I wish you would tell me where."
"Tennessee, my uncle has a cabin in Townsend. It's not remote but close enough...I'll be fine. He knows nothing about it."
"Good. Stay safe." The stench of stale scotch made her stomach turn when Clay took a breath and let it out slowly. He seemed relieved and some of the darkness dissipated when he leaned in for a hug that may have wound up with his lips on hers. It was meant to be a peck but it lingered a few seconds too long when a hand took hers and held on despite Mac's attempts to push him away.
The crack to the side of his face took him by surprise as did the way she dragged the back of her hand over her lips, to brush away his kiss.
Stupidly, he looked at her with eyes that begged for a sign that this thing between them icould grow and flourish.
There was another crack of her palm against his cheek, this one so hard it nearly had him toppling over. Clay wondered how long he could pine for Sarah MacKenzie. "Enjoy your vacation. I'll see you when you get back."
The door was unceremoniously slammed in his face, the sound of wood meeting wood echoed across the hall and down to his bones. Any rational man would have tucked his tail between his legs and stalked off in embarrassment. Any rational man would not have remained at her door with his palm pressed against the cool bronze plaque that was Mac's apartment number.
From inside, Mac could hear him leaning heavily against the door and the scraping sound of the palm of his hand sliding down the frame. Why couldn't he leave?
If it wasn't for her elderly neighbor, Dorothy and her threats to call the police, Mac knew Clay would have slept at her doorstep, remaining an unwanted sentry only to fuel his obsession with her. It was with reluctance, slumped shoulders and red cheeks that he walked away, eventually making it out of the building and to the waiting limousine that whisked him to parts unknown.
Mac stood in the shadows, glancing out of the partially closed blinds until the surety of his departure made Mac finally take a breath.
Unceremoniously, she slipped off the dress and threw it into the garbage. She didn't want anything Webb had touched or gifted, every bit of him now disgusted her when, at one point, she had once found him kind of sweet. Paraguay had changed him, it changed all of them but why did it awaken the monster inside of Webb?
She showered with water hot enough to sting and combined it with the brisk abrasive of her luffa in effort to rid her skin of Clayton Webb's scent. But, there was another fragrance as well, one that had once lingered on her clothes, her skin and although Harm had barely touched her, it permeated her being.
That familiar scent of cologne and aftershave that was still so uniquely him wouldn't wash off no matter how hard she scrubbed. Funny how a smell that was once so desired now only caused her more pain and heartache. It had been a staple of their union, the mix of him and her that remained on her bedsheets and her home and she missed so much.
Harm was always leaving. And each time he left, a part of her went with him. Her heart took a beating with every departure and every promise he didn't fulfill with every classified assignment that left gaps in their relationship the size of the Grand Canyon.
Their romance was transitory in length, something so unfair because the years of longing and pinning had erupted once they finally came together in an explosive union that wouldn't stave their sexual tension because there was no simple resolution for wanting him like she did. Especially when Harm equally shared their ardor.
"Stop!" Her voice echoed in a pain filled timbre once Mac realized the hot water had run cold. Still she stood under the stream, allowing it to cool her fevered skin. With a heavy sigh, she hauled herself out of the shower, dried off and slipped into a comfy robe. "Stop thinking about him."
But her mind wouldn't listen while she liberally applied cream to her skin or when she sat on the sofa listening to the soft sound of rain pelting her windows. Eventually, she caved and images from a year and a half ago vividly played through her closed eyes.He'd come for her, busted into the torture shack and set her free.
And when his blue eyes locked onto hers, relief and shock shone back as Harm rushed inside to remove the shackles that held her down. Hell broke out shortly after when she agreed to fly with him again, when they tossed explosives onto a semi carrying the Stinger missiles and destroyed Sadik's shipment and their little plane had taken a hit.
The aircraft sputtered on one engine that Harm controlled as best as possible, hovering over the treetops as the controls fought back and then eventually crash landed. She never wanted to remember how the aircraft dipped, how he yelled for her to hold on and their lives flashed by in what felt like an eternity. The feeling of falling made her desperately clutch to her seat and that bottoming out of her stomach didn't stop until the plane did.
They barely survived the crash and found it almost impossible to survive each other. The hit on the hit and her own served to create a proving ground for quips and snide comments that wasn't quite the heartfelt reunion Mac had prayed for.
Harm was jealous of Webb, she knew and didn't dissuade him from believing something had happened. But then, he hadn't explained what happened with the so-called "wife" he suddenly acquired. He pushed and she pushed back until his lips met hers in a fiery kiss that meant so much it took her breath away.
May 2003
Hotel Nuevo Simpatico
Paraguay
She was so pissed off that the seething anger made their tiny bed that much more uncomfortable. No position felt right although Mac had tried to keep her back to him in effort to not reach across and strangle the infuriating sailor. She was also hurting because her so-called best friend had yet again withheld information and it was those lies of omission which shook her to the core.
Weren't they supposed to start over? For a time it seemed that they would eventually close the cassom between them but it only cracked wider when Harm was sent to the brig and was now practically abysmal as he admittedly resigned his commission to find her. That little fact hung in the balance between them, a truth that Harm only divulged when Webb barged into the hotel room with Gunny in toe.
Harm was out and there was no going back on his decision. He had far too many black marks to make it favorable for the SECNAV to bend the rules and she very much doubted that Chegwidden sanctioned this little escapade. Which meant he put in the necessary paperwork to sever the Navy's ties.
Despite the outcome - her rescue - Mac felt empty and hurt at the role she played that led to his demise. She let out an irritable sigh and rolled to her back intent on staring at the shadows on the ceiling until morning.
Harm had his own difficulty sleeping. His mind was carefully ruminating over Mac and Webb, their shared kiss burning a hole through closed eyelids. He ground his teeth, bit back a slew of curses until his irritation at her tossing and turning, broke the silence. "What is it?"
"Nothing."
She turned away from him and pulled the sheets using it as some sort of shield to keep him away. He wouldn't let it go, Mac knew and as she felt him shift on the bed she angrily rolled towards him. "Clearly, there's something on your mind."
"Oh, I have a lot to say."
"Well spit it out." He now lay on his side, propped up on one elbow as if to give Mac his undivided attention. If she was seething, so was he both for different reasons that ultimately led back to them.
"Okay I have a question for you…You resign your commission and travel five thousand miles to find me and damn near get killed. Well riddle me this flyboy, why?"
When his eyes widened, Mac expected the hesitation followed by evasion - the chaff he liked to throw when conversations between them became too serious. This thing between them hung on like some sort of plague and she was desperate to end it once and for all. And of course, he hesitated, furled his brow as a steely kind of anger made his jaw clench. "Mac…"
Didn't she know what he felt? His actions alone served as a testament of his emotions that ran so deep, they were stitched to his soul. Didn't she understand that he spent the last two years pinning and wanting so much more than the friendship he held onto? Did she really not understand or was Mac simply turning the tables, hurting him for the pain he caused her?
His breath quickened and any pushback or retort stopped when he noticed her parted lips, the way her tongue slipped out to moisten them. Mac's hair was a little messy, her face devoid of the light make up he was accustomed to. She wore a simple white t-shirt with a 'v" cut that dipped a little lower and begged him to look, so he did while Mac patiently waited for an answer.
Her breath came in rapid bursts just like her temperament which ebbed and flowed between wanting to kiss or kill him. She felt her cheeks burning, the intensity of the raw emotion burning inside made her body so warm or maybe it was the gaze that had settled back onto her lips. And he still hesitated, "I think you know the reason.."
"Do I?"
Why had his eyes taken on a painful sheen, like she obliterated his World with just one phrase. "I...Aww hell…"
He hesitated some more, opened his mouth to speak but when the words failed him, Harm spoke with his actions. A hand grabbed her hip none-too-gently and lips caught hers in a kiss so fiery it took her breath away. She may have tried to resist, to push at the wall of his chest until his tongue touched her lower lip and Mac's brain failed to form any coherent thought.
Strong arms pulled her flush against him, forcing her to feel every muscle, every plane of the very body she'd fantasized about for almost a decade. His kisses were possessive and demanding and she might have thought it was all a dream until rough palms snuck beneath her shirt, running slowly up and down her spine.
His kisses eased some, the arduous tempo calming until they were less desperate. He kissed her like he wanted her. He kissed her like he loved her and as they pulled apart to breathe and his forehead rested against hers, Harm's hands slipped up her flank. His touch covered her skin in goosebumps. His touch made her shake.
A moan escaped her, the involuntary kind that sounded so urgent, so primal when his had stopped at the swell of her breast as if asking for permission. His breath was just as ragged as hers, fanning her skin with each exhale as he watched her in the darkness. A thumb snuck beneath her breast, a cautious exploration as if Mac were made out of spun glass that could easily crumble if he took too much too soon.
Harm couldn't expect what came next, that in two quick motions Mac would pull the t-shirt off of her and her hand would guide him to cup and caress.
"You're sure? There's no going back."
"I'm sure."
"Okay." He was almost reverent, weighing each globe as he watched her expression when his thumb brushed over one taut nipple. For too long he wondered how her bare breasts looked, how they felt, if she would moan when he kissed them.
Mac's breath left her when his mouth suckled her skin for the first time. The gentle pull of his lips sent a sensation spreading through her body and between her thighs. He bit down and licked. Kissed and drew her breasts into his mouth over and over until she was panting.
He could never imagine any moment of his life would lead to this or that the countless fantasies that left him exhausted would pale in comparison to the real thing. Her sweet moans of pleasure filled the room where an argument should have been and when he hooked his fingers on the hrm of her shorts and pulled down, Harm was surprised she had nothing else on.
"Christ, Mac." He said, as he rolled over and snapped on the small lamp on the nightstand. There wasn't enough light to see her, only the glimmer that shone through the window and it wouldn't do. He needed to see her, all of her body he'd dreamt about.
The glow of the light made shadows fall over nearly flawless skin making him stop and stare. Her curves were beautiful, each valley and swell making the strain in his jeans almost unbearably painful. Each pass of his hand over her body was meant to heal the scars and bruises Harm bent his head to kiss.
She kissed him and he kissed back while popping the button of his jeans and lowering the zipper so that her hand could take hold of his length. But he stopped her, a large palm preventing Mac from stroking him. "Why?"
"You can't, I'll embarrass myself." Harm said shyly and his cheeks burned a pretty shade of pink.
"Embarrass yourself?" Mac felt the moisture pool at the tip of his erection, felt him twitch when he released her hand and she gently stroked him. His breath hitched and his eyes closed as he tried to keep his composure. When he opened them again his gaze settled on hers and she finally noticed that look. She'd seen it before, of course but it only made sense now.
Harm's emotions were clearly displayed in the way his irises changed colours. They were the most brilliant blue that darkened as she touched him. There was desire and want and... love, she saw that now and it was so real that it made her heart race. "How long have you felt this way?"
He snorted and shook his head. "As long as the Earth has been spinning? At least it feels like it."
"Me too, I don't think there was a day I didn't want you."
"Tell me what you like." Harm said suddenly in a voice so rough and husky that she felt each syllable to her core. He was so sexy with that five o clock shadow and a body that was smooth and hard and wonderful. "Tell me, Mac. Tell me what you need and don't leave out any details."
His eyes were alive with mischief, that arrogant flyboy grin graced his lips. This would be good, so good, Mac knew but there was one thing she fantasized about the most. Her hand took his, her mouth licking one and then another of his fingers. "This."
She guided him down her body, between her breasts, down past her abs and navel stopping onto to press Harm's hand between her legs where he felt the evidence of her arousal. "What I want is your mouth, here."
"Yes."His fingers stroked and teased, pressed into her as his lips kissed their way down her body. He pulled his shirt off, tugged at his jeans and boxers leaving him bare before her and from the way Mac licked her lips, she liked what she saw.
"I've fantasized about this, dreamt about this so many times, Mac."
"Have you?"
"You're not the only one with wants." He said, that voice still low, so seductive and husky when his hands nudged her legs and Mac's thighs parted for him. His dark head came down, his mouth took her hard at an instant. With each pass of his tongue, each suck from his lips, Mac realized he'd ruin her for any other man.
Harm made love to her, it was that simple as it was complex. He made love to her with his mouth, his fingers, the whiskers of his chin feeling delightful against her sensitive skin. He drank of her, tasted, pleased again and again until her body could take no more.
And then she felt him. The desired invasion of hot, hard flesh pulsating against her sex. Mac raised her hips up to meet his when the ardent need to have him fill her made her tremble. "Harm please."
She gasped once he fully slid into her, a tear slipping out of the corner of her eye when Harm pulled out and pushed into her again. He was slow, much too slow when Mac was so close to self combusting. Her hands came to his face, forcing Harm to look at her as he strained for control. "Let go...Let go for me. I want this. I want you...I love you."
It wasn't gentle but it was good, wonderful and she bit her lower lip to stop a scream that tore through her when powerful thrusts led her to the edge. He called her name, 'Sarah' and Mac swore it never sounded so sweet coming from anyone's lips. It was like a prayer and she, the church he worshiped in.
Her leg draped over his hip the second time he entered her, a slower meeting now that they sated basic desires and settled on simply loving. Harm kissed her while they moved, held her body flush against his in a meeting of sexy female curves and hard male muscles.
He hadn't realized how badly the need for her was or how strongly the love for this woman stretched across his heart until that very moment. As much as he feared commitment, Mac was a part of him and this passage through time branded him for life.
"I love you." Mac said again and for the life of him, he couldn't say the words to reciprocate in kind.
"Mac, I..."
"I know." If this was all he could give her, she'd patiently wait for the words. Not that they mattered, phrases were not the only sentiments of affection. He'd come for her, nearly died for her, that meant more than any hasty I love you. "I know."