AUTHOR'S NOTE: *Insert generic sorry for the late posting here. It's also 1 am and I'm tired* But this one's a long one.
DISCLAIM: I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS
Please Enjoy
Chapter 7: Affection
. . .
Kylo Ren nearly slammed his fist against the button, desperate for distance between him and Rey.
With the violent slam echoing behind him, Ren took his leave at last from her presence.
Every step that pushed him farther away from Rey ignited sparks that flew within him, boiling his desire to be with her again. She had broken through every blockade he had surrounded himself with as if they were made of nothing more than glass.
He felt ashamed of this, the fact that someone so small as a scavenger girl from another world could break through him so easily made him wonder if he had finally been worn down after so many years.
The mask hid those insecurities, it became his shield to his outside, as well as in. No one could understand him in this form, and he liked it that way. Rey saw through it all, and she didn't even know it...
No fear... No hesitation... She's everything I dreamed she would be.
"Commander Ren." Kylo barely had a moment to come out of his trance, his own vision of Rey was aggressively taken away by the weasel figure before him, to which he cursed silently to himself. "I suppose you're dismissing yourself for the night, considering you've been absent for the day."
Ren felt compelled to answer this call by duty, however, his tone said otherwise, "My lack of attendance doesn't concern you," he replied hastily.
"Indeed, it certainly isn't your attendance that concerns me" Hux managed to refute this with snark, "I've been told we've received a special shipment on board, I wasn't made aware of this."
"A shipment delivered specifically to me," Kylo Ren made clear, but his attempts to exclude Hux on this matter were futile.
General Hux only smirked, prodding deeper, "You know I take inventory of all freightage in the cargo bay, I was not aware you were receiving such a significant... package." Kylo Ren felt his fists balled deep into his gloves, he swore if they were bare, his nails would have dug into his flesh. His blood began to heat, imagining how easily it would be to mow this man down out of his way.
Before he could speak, Hux interrupted, "Some new plaything to occupy yourself?"
The comment simmered in the air, hanging before Kylo Ren like a target awaiting a strike. This remark was made to anger him, Ren became familiar with Hux and his advances, most of them were nothing more than specks of dust he was able to brush off, but the occasional ones like these would sometimes slip past his defenses...
"It explains your absence, doesn't it? And why you'd keep such a thing only to yourself." His voice seemed to shrill in the air, Ren noticed how brave he seemed to be tonight as he stepped forward, "Perhaps I was wrong about you, maybe you are more human than you let on... Surely you have the same pleasures of the flesh as-"
The last words from Huxs' mouth could not be spoken, they were silenced mid-air as Ren lifted his hand into the air and silenced them. With his force, Ren used the powers he possessed to physically withhold Huxs' tongue in between his teeth, forcibly clamping them enough to make his words immobile, but not enough to cause pain... yet.
"The girl is mine," He snarled, stepping to his adversary, who clutched at his mouth and began to take sharp inhales through his nostrils, "That's all."
Hux's eyes began wide, watching Ren's fingers slowly form into a fist before him, which made his teeth clench tighter against his tongue. He squirmed and groaned from this pain, he attempted to pry his jaws, desperate to relieve some of the agony.
Ren watched, dissatisfied from the lack of response. Hux had been his rival ever since he was recruited into the First Order, he was indeed powerful regarding politics, but as an opponent, he was deceitful and treacherous. Hux was known for his cunning tactics, which made him a suitable strategist for war plans, but an untrustworthy opponent in Ren's eyes. The First Order's army had its flaws, Stormtroopers who would get carried away on their missions, looking for a physical distraction from this war, even some generals were known to follow.
Women, gambling, drinking; all things Kylo Ren never took an interest towards, unlike most men aboard a ship for months on end without these vices. Hux would often recluse himself from the crew during those times, he too, never took an interest in those things. The Supreme Leader and the First Order came before all of those behaviors.
Which is exactly why Ren was so uncertain as to why he would have taken an interest in someone like Rey...
With one last step, Kylo Ren remained only a foot away, their eyes locked through his mask, and he could feel the cold fear bleeding off of his challenger. "You will not look for her, you will not look at her," Droplets of blood finally emerged from his strained teeth, and a muffled howl managed to slip past his lips, "You won't speak to her, you will not touch her... Do I make myself clear? Or do you need to chew on this for a while?"
Hux shook his head violently, and Kylo could have sworn he saw tears welling in his eyes. Satisfied, he released his grip.
A pained cry rang through the hall as blood began to stream down Hux's jawline, he looked upon Kylo Ren, his cold, metal stare looking back at him. It was enough for him to tuck his tail between his legs and walk the opposite way at a brisk pace. He smiled at how easy it was to frighten him, however, Hux was easy prey compared to other opponents he had faced in the past.
He continued his walk through the corridor, taking long strides as he made his way towards his quarters, which he made sure was only a few passageways down from Rey.
The Supremacy was built for war, it the center of the First Order hive. This included conveying Star Destroyers, training yards for preparing Stormtroopers, and 32 sublight engines inside its 13 kilometer length. It was a planet for a ship, but far more tactical and calculated than the Death Star.
On rare occasions, guests of higher powers would often come aboard the ship. Some were gentlemen who dealt with distributing mass weapons or recruiting soldiers for the First Order, generally, these men would often come from far distances and would require lodging.
These lodgings were designed to be suitable for royalty. Each flat was decorated with elegant designs and elaborate furnishings, such as a king sized bed, light fixtures that followed patterns of the nearest sun, and even baths with customizable jet patterns. He had made sure Rey was provided with the Private Commander Suite.
Although he was once accustomed to these things as a child, he now thought them to be unnecessary. Of course, he required a large bed and a personal bathroom in his quarters, but he saw no use for decorations or such meaningless belongings. His chambers were equipped with the basic essentials, and he preferred it this way. Upon the beginning of his stay on the Supremacy, he was offered a far more luxurious suite to call his own, but refused, knowing full well he'd rarely make use of it.
Instead, he accepted the mass-produced quarters of an officer with only the basic necessities; a full bed, dim lighting, a towering wardrobe, the basics of furniture and a small refrigerator with some of his favorite beverages and snacks. He often went for a brew and his stash of chilled sweets at the end of his long days, although he would deny his sweet tooth to anyone who suggested otherwise.
Since that day, Kylo Ren religiously followed the ways of life his grandfather did, strictly eating, drinking, and sleeping in these very quarters, as to not remove his mask to anyone under any circumstances. Even in those moments when he was to perform basic needs of human function, he felt it was genetic duty that made him practice this ritual.
It was towards Rey, that he felt more human for the first time in years.
He knew if he closed his eyes and imagined hard enough, he could still see those brown eyes staring back at him through his very own... He felt the weight of her body against his chest... The shape of her figure in the dim light...
"No."
He sat into his chair, which must have been worn down from countless hours of use.
"Grandfather," He heard himself speak through his mask, desperately looking upon the disfigured helm upon its pedestal, "The girl... I feel this... This war inside of me..."
The mangled helm before him said nothing, and Kylo Ren said nothing, he waited for a moment before speaking again, "She has a power upon her, it's... intoxicating... She is kind, and good... Everything you've made me swear to destroy..."
His voice softened, seemingly aching with each word he spoke, "She has a hold upon me that I cannot free myself from..."
It was true, their connection had already become so strong, and they had only been met each other for just this one day... He knew if this were to continue, he would become inseparable from her.
Their bond itself was instinctual. Kylo Ren knew this was no coincidence, there was no hesitation or uncertainty that lead up to these moments.
...Her intoxication pulls you to the light...
Kylo Ren picked up his head, clearly receiving the low, ominous voice that has been guiding him.
...She is a threat to the sovereign, and to yourself...
...Your indecisiveness is concerning... There is no tolerance for such foolish notions...
The words began to unravel, each phrase moved so effortlessly through the air as if they weighed no more than a feather. However, their landfall upon Kylo Ren felt as heavy as a fallen starfighter, with equal amount of pain that followed. Foolish flew through the air and landed forcefully upon his ears, it was an insult that twisted him the wrong way.
His grandfather was wise in the force, a fearful leader who sought to destroy the Jedi and everything good it inspired. Kylo Ren knew better than to question his ways... But perhaps it could be assuaded in some form.
"She shows potential," He defended, "She can learn the ways of the force... She's a scavenger; a blank slate. Anything she learns will be instructed by me-"
Your reluctance in this matter is troubling, He lowly interrupted, My legacy will not be objected by a mere scavenger...
. . .
He sat upon his bed, almost eagerly awaiting his other-worldly comrade... Kylo Ren had it scheduled to roughly this hour of night, she would work, come home, and make her dinner. It became his nightly game of waiting, eagerly anticipating his reward.
He liked the way she worked, he had never met a woman who worked as she did. Although, his days were not exactly leisure either. It became the nights he would spend with her, that he truly found relaxation in these times.
Kylo Ren knew he could not explain this phenomenon, and it could very well be something Force connected, but he dared not to tamper with this subject, afraid of losing connection. He closed his eyes, beginning his deep focus, which became his nightly mantra for the evening. After practice, he found ways to channel his powers, his only navigational tool was the very sound of her voice, and the direction it usually came from.
There, he focused solely on direction, sending his force through waves across the galaxy, desperately reaching until he heard wherever it landed. When he did...
He would wait.
Luckily this time, it only took him moments. As he heard the light pattering of her cloth shoes touching sand, he almost smiled at this.
"Took you long enough." He spoke sarcastically, hoping to incite the playful aura between them.
Yes... Long day, I'm sorry...
"I was beginning to think you would have found some other being to talk to," He answered, his sarcasm followed closely, "Are you trying to make me jealous?"
I'm sorry, Her voice echoed inside his chamber, Did you eat already?
He heard her rip open her portion packs hastily, the crinkling of plastic being discarded sounded so close as if it were going into the garbage bin beside him. He couldn't help but glance over to it, his eyes wandered then to the nightstand it stood beside, where his own dinner plate rested. A thick cut of roba steak, which was considered a delicacy in meats, alongside followed some root vegetables from the greenhouse. A meal prepared for royalty, now cold.
"No, but I was unsure if you made plans with your other dinner companion," He snipped playfully, taking his plate and silverware and placing it upon his lap, "I'm sure you're bored of these dates by now."
This isn't a date, She was used to his banter by now, Dates are when two people sit face to face and get to know one another. Here you are-... Wherever you are... and you hardly tell me anything about yourself.
Kylo Ren heard her mouth crunching down upon something hard, she would usually wait before eating when she would return home. She'd sit and talk for a while, or water her plants or at the very least take her shoes off, it was nights like these, when the first course of action for her was to eat and be pissed, he knew she had a long day.
"You know I make an excellent listener, isn't that enough? Why are you so flustered?" He replied, cutting into his meat carefully not to spill on his lap. It was true, he refused to give her any piece of information regarding who he truly was. Commander Kylo Ren was a name known across the galaxy as someone to be feared, or hated... He didn't need this to cloud Rey's image...
He knew she was poor, and she scavenged for scraps and lived in a broken down piece of machinery, and her name was Rey.
What he truly desired was her location, it would only take the name, and he would search each and every crevise of it just to find her. But each time he persisted, she refused.
I'm sorry, She spoke solemnly this time... But why should you get to know almost every detail of my life and I know nothing of yours? I don't even know your name...
It had dawned on him that he wasn't wearing his mask, he wore it so often that it almost felt like a part of him, an appendage. Now, even as Rey said those words from wherever in the galaxy she was, he felt more exposed than ever. "I'll tell you one day," He said, which became another common mantra he would say during these nights, "You, on the other hand," Placing a cut piece of meat into his mouth and pointing his knife into the air, "You won't even tell me what planet you're on.."
Well, that ruins the fun, doesn't it..
"I told you where I live, didn't I?" He swallowed, genuinely trying to recall if he gave this information.
You told me you live on a ship in the galaxy, well done, couldn't have asked for a better description.
"You said you live in the desert," He matched her sarcasm, taking another forkful of meat into his mouth and chewed obviously obnoxiously for her amusement, "Do you know how many planets in this galaxy alone have deserts? Pretty much every single one. Who's the real smartass?"
Well at least I'm consistent... Besides, He heard her chew between her sentences, Stormtroopers were snooping around here last night... It's best to lay low for a while when they come poking around.
Something in him clicked, his head unconsciously snapped up from his plate. Wires crossed as he realized what she had just said, "Stormtroopers…?"
She swallowed softly as she continued carelessly, Yeah... They found a Resistance member here.
Jakku, he almost said out loud, but cautious enough to not allow Rey to hear. Of course...
Found you...
"I see..." He said, unable to finish this fine piece of meat from the processing thoughts crossing his mind. Rey was smart, she would know if something was wrong, just by the way he spoke. He tried to change the subject, desperate to hold up his front, "So, you're part of the Resistance now?" In his mind, it sounded sarcastic enough to draw her off, but he genuinely wondered now...
No, I don't get politics, Relief went over him, thankful she was not the enemy he swore to destroy, Just seems silly to me... You'd think the galaxy is big enough for everyone...
So innocent... He thought to himself, knowing Rey had no idea of the strategy and outcome of war... Someone so small can live so minimally and be so happy... Here, he realized Rey had already finished eating. Her feet scuffed against the sand, and the fleeting sound of metal scraped against something solid. It was quiet for a moment, and then familiar snipping sounds flicked into the air.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
Cutting my hair.
"Is your hair long?"
Well no... Another snippet, Not anymore, I don't like having long hair... It just-..." Snippet, "Gets in the way all the time. Do you have long hair?
"It's... Longish, I suppose... Reminds me, I have to get a trim myself at some point." He brushed away an imaginary piece of dead ends from his shoulder, then furrowing his brows to figure out why exactly he did that.
Do you cut it yourself?
"No," He placed his plate on the chrome nightstand beside him, "I have someone else do it."
The metal sound pranged again, and Ren knew she placed the scissors down back in its place. I could do it for you, I've been cutting my own hair my whole life.
"Perhaps later," He could easily tell when her day was finally finished, as the sound of her shoes patted to the ground, and her groan against the strained tie of her hammock as she rested after her long day.
"Bed already?" He asked, "You barely had anything to eat, I heard you."
I'm tired, and it's all right, I'm saving the other half for breakfast in the morning.
She was humble. She deserved more than just a mere portion pack, she deserved this meal before him. She was far more entitled to this dinner than he was.
"So you barely eat enough to survive off of portions, then you sweat in the sun all day... You must have a very attractive figure."
Judging by the quiet between them for mere moments, Kylo Ren knew he struck a nerve, which is exactly what he intended. Although he meant that to be a playful judgement, in the silence between them, he truly wondered if she had an appealing figure.
Use your imagination…
"I just might have to."
He listened carefully, paying close attention to the sounds that echoed from her end. The stretching of fabric, to which he assumed was her blanket, her lips smacked delicately as she took in a deep breath, and exhaling through a tender yawn. Settled, he thought.
"That wasn't sarcasm, by the way," He stated into the air, hoping she would reciprocate, "I'm sure you're beautiful." She said nothing to that, and he feared for a moment the connection had been disrupted.
Tell me something else about you, She changed the subject, You live on a ship, you have long hair, and you're obviously very lonely if you're spending your nights talking to a stranger. What else? Do you have any family?
He felt a prang go through his, almost like someone flicked a piece of wire inside him... He hadn't thought about that word in a long time... He wasn't sure how to answer this. Honestly? Lie? If he told the truth would she see through and start putting pieces together? He couldn't take that risk.
Almost all of their conversations were based on gathering information and assumptions, there was hardly any time for idle chit chat...
"Well," He rested his hand upon his other, taking a hard look upon his naked fingers for the first time all day. "Yes I-... I have a mother and a father… But we're not exactly close." It was the most normal thing he could say about himself, short but sweet. Now flatter her, she likes that... "You're really the only person I consider myself close to..."
Silence went through his room again, his heart began to thump from fear of losing connection. "Did you hear me?"
Yeah… She answered, I don't have anyone either really. My mom and dad left when I was a girl, I never had any friends… I mean I've never met you, but you're one of the only people I've ever been able to be so open with...
She continued, Do you ever think sometimes that-… I dunno, I just think maybe this is something that's meant to be…
She was pouring her heart out to him, completely uncaring of her vulnerability in this state. He wanted more, he wanted to feel the touch of her hand, hear her heartbeat, what he wouldn't give just to see her for one moment... The thought of speaking to this woman's face, whoever she was, made his heart flutter, he reluctantly forced a smile away.
Tell her how you feel… He urged himself.
Tell her she's beautiful, remind her that she's beautiful; even if you don't know what she looks like. Tell her the sound of her voice stays with you every moment of the day, tell her you'll find her and take her away from the labor and the heat and the cruelty she endures every day…
Tell her you think you-...
He became frustrated with this thought, he felt his heartstrings loosen their defenses, lowering their shield to the woman he couldn't even see. He wanted her to know these things, in fact he could have sworn she already knew what he was thinking...
Oh, tell her something, dammit...
"I know…
... I-I know what you mean..."
Silence. His heart jumped, and he worried he had offended her with his short, but impulsive reply, he continued with, "I've spent my whole life thinking there's something greater than simple nights like these, greater ships, greater accomplishments... But the best thing that's been happening to me over the past few weeks I've spent with you.
I'm saying this now because when we meet... I promise I'll tell you everything. Whatever you want to hear about me, I'll tell you... All right?"
He heard her exhale hastily, it breezed through his ears and into his chambers. He felt a heartbeat not of his own pound against the metal walls, his hands began to warm, he looked upon them to see if they had been held by another's, but there were none.
Thank you...
This time, he did not hold back his smile.
. . .
The memory stayed with him, even though it had been made less than a day ago, it was still firmly imprinted into his mind. There he sat, finally obtaining his prize, who was only a few corridors away. After weeks of speaking, connecting, bonding...
He felt selfish, never before had he desired for something like this.
His heartbeat began to increase from this sudden urgency, his temperature raised to quickly he feared he was sickening... Duty is duty...
You feel... The ghostly voice spoke again...
Affection...
...For this scavenger...
Affection. A word so foreign in his vocabulary, yet so easily understood in this sense. It was meant for children, the sick or dying, or lovers... All of these things he had never experienced first hand, and yet the very word affection caressed his cheek and held him in this state of mind.
It reminded him of mercy, or relief. Pity for those who were indeed dying or broken-hearted, all things the First Order never allowed.
He noticed how twisted the way scavenger flicked in the air... He cared very little for it, but he knew better than to let it show in front of anyone, let alone his grandfather.
"There is no affection," He lied, a bitter taste was left inside his mouth upon those words, "I merely sense something inside her... Something that forces us together, I must know what it is."
Silence.
The unspoken words made an impact on the air, restoring balance to the atmosphere... Kylo Ren knew then, his grandfather's presence had fled. Their conversations were usually brief, cut short by other blockades that would get in their way. This conversation stood out significantly from the rest...
"Grandfather...?"
Silence.
Please tell me your thoughts and review as honestly as possible. No Star Wars FanFiction is perfect, unless it's written, sealed, signed, and kissed by George Lucas himself, but I hope this makes at least 1 person happy.
Thanks for reading! Come back for 'Chapter 8: Personal'