I am really enjoying writing these back flashes. I really didn't intend to go this many chapters without finding what exactly broke them up but, I have these snippets in my head that I can't get rid of. Ultimately it's my story to tell, So thank you for coming along this ride. As I said before things are not what they seem.
Chapter 5 - Taking Flight
September 2004
CIA Headquarters Langley
"You're putting me back into a plane now? After all of this bullshit?" Harm chucked the folder in his hand across the table sending the pages inside flying to and fro.
"You're a pilot. You enjoy flying, what's the problem?"
"I was almost killed last assignment and the two before that. I have permanent scars and Sadik Fucking Fahd is still out there. I can find him. I will find him and putting me in a plane won't do that. You know what? This is your problem, not mine." He stood up so fast the chair he sat on fell over and crashed to the ground. "Fuck you. Fuck all of you. It's been more than a year. I want out."
"There is no out, Rabb." Across from him sat Clayton Webb in his overpriced three piece suit and a grin that Harm wanted to punch out of him. "Unless you want to go back to prison."
"You can make that go away and you know it."
Webb shook his head slowly. "Not after last night, I can't. You enjoy pushing the boundaries don't you?"
"Last night was work."
"It was, until you decided to violate your restraining order and grabbed Sarah. Restraining order, Rabb as in no touching."
Harm reached over and grabbed Clay easily slamming him against the polished wood desktop where he kept him pinned. "Blaisdale warned me about you, he said you were a little piece of shit that I shouldn't feel bad for. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt."
"Let me go, Rabb!" There was a button under his desk that Clay reached for which, once triggered, would alert security to a problem in his office. He never had the chance to reach it. "Damnit, stop!"
Harm held him down with one hand against the back of his head while the other snatched his wrist and twisted. "I learned a lot on the Farm. Did you know that with a slight pull like this I could snap your arm like a twig?"
He rotated his arm only slightly and it was just enough pressure to cause immeasurable pain. When Webb began to struggle, he twisted a bit more and with just one pull he was seconds away from hearing bone crack.
"Stop! Harm, please stop! I'm begging you."
Clay was crying now, blubbering really and the only thing that stopped Harm from gripping harder and snapping his neck was Mac. She was in danger and he needed Webb alive for the time being until her safety was secure.
He was also unsure if she'd approve of his actions no matter how just and the last thing he wanted was for her to believe that he was completely out of control. In two motions he released his grip and shoved Clay aside like a rag doll.
The man practically skidded off the desk and landed in a heap on the ground, instantly curling into a ball as he expected Harm to strike. "Look at you. You're pathetic. Everyone knows you're nothing more than a little bitch. A mama's boy. Your reign here is coming to an end and you know it."
Slowly he stood using the edge of his desk to pull himself upright. He was shaking and may have urinated himself but as he straightened his suit he reminded Harm of two things. "I'm still your handler...And I still have Sarah. You're gonna get on that plane and you'll leave her the hell alone for good."
"Yeah, I'll get on that plane only because it will keep me away from you and as for Mac-" He paused for a moment trying to choose the right words that wouldn't tip his hand. "She'll never love you."
"We'll see."
Hours later he sat at the very back of an airplane heading towards Toronto where Harm would get his next set of instructions. He wasn't privy to much of his assignment only that it would require piloting an aircraft somewhere north of Vancouver. The exact where and why was classified and intel was only passed along once he met his contact.
The seat was cramped and the flight was far too full to allow him to change in effort to stretch out. Thankfully, this first leg was a relatively short trip and he prayed for better conditions when he made the push out West. As the plane began to race down the runway he glanced out the window, seeing the buildings pass by faster and faster until eventually they took flight and Washington became just a speck on the horizon.
As he leaned his head back and tried to get some sleep, he thought of her. Mac was never to far away from his mind where she helped fill the empty space when there was little to do. He thought of her often, a proper obsession that wouldn't cease because he didn't want it to.
He wouldn't stop loving her. He couldn't but he still lamented his decision to join the agency. It made sense at the time, a year prior when Mac confessed she'd visited Webb at the hospital and he tagged along the following day.
To think that they were once at peace, learning little things about one another - it was the beginning of their end.
May 2003
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station.
It had been a pleasant Saturday that began with a run at Rock Creek Park and then brunch at a tiny restaurant in Alexandria with pancakes the size of manhole covers. There may have even been more love making as Harm quickly discovered that he couldn't keep his hands to himself, not anymore.
His fingers toyed with the silky strands of her hair tucking a lock behind her ear that he traced with a finger tip. Harm found Mac had the same affinity for touching and her hand moved along the muscles of his shoulders, carefully kneading the taut skin.
Then there was the kissing. Lots and lots of kissing so arduous it would put any hormonal teenager to shame. He loved kissing her and wondered why they hadn't been doing it all along.
"I didn't think I'd want you all the time but, I do."
It had been two weeks and the only thing that kept them apart was work - hers because Harm was still searching for the right fit. "I want you too, all the time. I love how I feel when I'm with you, when you're inside me."
She was kissing him again and popping open his shirt buttons at the same time but he stopped her because for once Harm was trying to make sense of his feelings for her. "I'm not just talking about sex, Mac. At the risk of sounding like a prude, I don't want this to be just about sleeping together."
"There's nothing wrong with sleeping together." She tried to justify out of fear her crazy flyboy suddenly got the idea to abstain. She'd have to kill him then for sure because the sex thing was damned good between them. "Sex isn't just sex, not with you. It's a conversation between lovers and I like these conversations, we're good at them. They make sense for once."
And she was right. They'd spoken more after the throes of passion than they ever had in nine years of friendship. The conversation was complicated and simple, ranging from work to their exes and everything in between.
But there were things he didn't know, mysteries left to unravel and after another kiss, Harm leaned his head back to look in her eyes. "Tell me something about you. Tell me something I never knew."
"Mmm, something you don't know. Hmm, okay but you have to promise not to tell a soul." Mac was serious and waited for him to agree before taking a breath. She wasn't a woman with too many skeletons in her closet. The vast majority of her secrets he already knew. "I was a model once. Posed for a big wig agency too."
"Really? When?"
She nodded and brushed her lips over his again. The man had such kissable lips it was hard to stay away when Harm was this close. "Between Boot and OCS. I was at the beach with some classmates and a photographer liked my 'look.' So I posed for a shoot not knowing what to expect."
"And?" He was grinning like he'd discovered a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and Mac could only imagine the scantily clad images of her that ran through his mind.
"And the pictures were tasteful and gorgeous but it was a one time deal for me. I caught another model in his bathroom snorting cocaine. Turned me off to the whole thing. Plus OCS was a chance of a lifetime. I wanted to make Uncle Matt proud."
"Do you still have the pictures?" Harm bit his lower lip imagining a young Sarah MacKenzie posing for a professional photographer. He wondered if she took direction well or if the poses came naturally as it did for some models.
"Let me guess, you want to see them?"
"Oh yeah."
"Next time you're in my place, I'll dig them out but you can't tell any of our friends." She warned, laughing when his hands slid down her flanks to tickle her. "I mean it, Harm. It's a little embarrassing given what Juanita Ressler said about me."
"Juanita Ressler was insecure, she needed to come at you with everything she got as distasteful as it was." And Mac won more than just her case, she also gained respect as a litigator in her former professor's eyes. "You know, I had an offer once, before you came on board…Private practice, incredible salary and normal work hours for once."
He seemed almost wistful of the opportunity missed, eyes glowed with possibilities and yet, Mac couldn't see him in civilian law even if she had suggested it once. "Why didn't you take the offer?"
"I didn't like their terms." Even he entertained the possibilities when a check was slid across a large wooden table and sat just in front of him with more zeros than he'd ever see addressed to him. "What they wanted from me was to prosecute the Navy, the Corps and the military in general. I knew the UCMJ well enough to pick apart junior attorneys and they sought to go after the government. The Navy isn't perfect and it will never be but I couldn't. It just didn't feel right."
"Do you regret it?"
"I regret the pay." He grinned.
"We wouldn't have met if you would have left."
"Or maybe we'd been battling it out in court? The Marine Major versus the former Navy pilot." For sure the battle would have been epic and he hoped that version of Harmon Rabb Jr would have the guts to ask her to dinner afterwards. "To think that we met because of Clay."
The spy's name had the oddest effect, like a grenade had been dropped in his lap without warning. In retrospect, Harm shouldn't have even mentioned the other man because it put them on a collision course with Hell. "What's wrong?"
"I don't want to lie to you."
"Then don't."
Mac pulled away from him, pushing at Harm's chest when he tried to wrap his arms around her. A heavy guilt had begun to consume her the second she learned that Webb would undergo months of rehab. Half of his body shook from the nerve damage and many of the burn scars had become so infected skin needed to be cut away.
The man was a mess falling into a pit of despair until she entered the room. "I went to see Clay."
"Oh."
"He's.. I'm not exactly sure how he is. The nurse says he's better when I visit. I'm not sure what that means."
"Okay."
"He asked about you."
"Did he?"
"Wanted to know how you were."
"Okay."
Mac let out a breath when that infuriating part of him made Harm shut down. The hands that were touching her all but fell away and his short replies meant he was pulling away. "Say something. Tell me not to visit him. Yell. Scream...anything but one word answers."
"I'm not gonna tell you what to do, Mac."
"So you're just gonna sulk?"
That was the plan, to sulk and brood and act like a jerk; it was his method of protecting his heart. Nevermind that his past actions had put a wedge between them or that he'd nearly lost her more times than he could count. Harm was stubborn that way and it was easier to avoid the heavy conversation.
"We need to talk about these things, you know? I've been working up the courage to tell you. Why do I feel like I've done something wrong?"
She didn't. Mac was just visiting a friend and although Clay was responsible for putting her in danger, he was equally responsible for keeping her safe. "I'm jealous of him."
"Of Clayton Webb?" She snorted and shook her head. There was nothing to be jealous about, not a thing because the spy wasn't a tenth of a man that Harm was. "Of course you are, because I kissed him."
"Yeah, you did. But, it's not just Clay. It's every man that looks at you, talks to you. I've felt this way forever. And no, I don't want you visiting him. But, I'm not gonna stop you either." He trusted her and knew that Mac wasn't the type to stray but Webb had begun to unravel in recent years taking on risks that no one could afford.
But he still owed him for Sergei and undoubtedly the Angel Shark investigation that put Webb in hot water for betraying the agency and helping his friends. "How many times have you gone?"
"Twice and not for long. The treatment takes a lot out of him, so does the therapy. He doesn't look well." She frowned and threaded her hands together, wringing them until it was painful. Her decisions in Paraguay had put them on a collision course with Sadik. But, as a Marine, she was not leaving Gunny behind and the man surely would have been murdered if not for her intervention.
"I feel guilty, Harm. We went back for Victor at my insistence. Hell, I would have gone it alone but Clay decided to follow and then we were captured. It was my fault."
"No, it was his. You had no business being there, not when the agency has at least a dozen female officers for him to play house with. He wanted you and saw the opportunity with me locked up." Harm was seething now, pacing from the kitchen to the living room like a lion in a cage.
She was right, they did need to talk about this and stop repressing the simmering anger he held inside. When Harm tried to take another step, she stopped him. Both hands splayed against his chest that radiated a comforting heat that calmed him. "You can be upset with me and still love me, you know?"
"I'm not upset with you." Harm let out a breath when she raised a brow at him. "Okay, maybe a little. I guess I understand, he tried to keep them away from you and I owe him for that. And I hate it."
Mac turned her head slightly and smiled. This was a breakthrough for him, an admittance of a topic he would have bottled up until it festered. One of her hands pressed against his cheek, her thumb stroking over the five o'clock shadow that made him so sexy. She loved this man, even with all of his flaws. "You're kinda sexy when you brood."
"I do not brood." He folded his arms across his chest in a show of defiance that deflated when Mac came to her toes and kissed him on the lips.
"Yes, you do and it's sexy." She took his hand wne led him across the loft not stopping until she lay naked in his bed intent on showing Harm he had nothing to worry about.
September 2004
Nathan Phillips Square
Toronto, Canada
A light rain fell across the city and the plaza, which was usually buzzing with activity, was practically empty. Harm sat by one of the benches next to the rectangular reflecting pool, soaked to the bone and feeling a chill despite the warmer weather.
His contact was over an hour late and with each second that passed his concern grew. He was also being watched. Harm felt eyes on him along with that tell tale chill that ran down his spine. His spy had the higher ground too, standing on a concrete overlook just to his left.
A bench under the trees would have been his first choice. The foliage provided much needed cover and it allowed him not to feel so exposed. Perhaps if the rain hadn't started and the plaza were filled with its usual hustle and bustle the apprehension would lessen.
And then there was a click that echoed in the vicinity, a sound only made by racking some sort of firearm. It carried in the wind and for a moment his heart stopped and Harm held his breath. He closed his eyes and raised his head to Heaven praying that Mac would forgive him once the bullet slammed into his chest and ended his life.
But the shot never came and the eyes that were on him had gone as well. He sat alone until an older man walked passed and placed a briefcase at his feet. "Mr. Blaisdell's instructions as well as Mr. Webb's."
"Have you looked at them?"
The man shook his head. "I don't have the code to open the case. You have half an hour to get to the airport. Your ticket and passport are inside as well."
Harm stood as the man continued walking away with no other instruction. "That's it? Nothing else?" But the man continued on without a second look back and he was left scrambling to make his flight.
He hailed the first cab he spotted and used his special code to open the briefcase once they'd left the square. Inside was a Canadian passport with a recent picture of Jean Luc Fournier, his alias for the time being. There was a manilla folder with dates and times, instructions for a person he needed to find once reaching Vancouver. But there was something else, a smaller case with a finger pad that only he could open. A note was attached, one that warned him not to open the second case until he made the safehouse in Vancouver.
Harm leaned his head back and sighed. This cloak and dagger crap was exhausting. He missed the military and its evolutions that mostly ran like clockwork. Even when assignments were 'need to know' there were always plans in place and personnel to fix a snafu.
As a field agent, he was alone.
Over a year ago the plan was to fly - an offer Webb had given him after a lengthy conversation with Kershsaw. Harm would fly for the agency, haul cargo and maybe test an experimental plane or two. It would work out and he could keep his relationship with Mac without the Navy's interference.
"Welcome to the Brotherhood." Webb told him and rather than heed Mac's warning - the female intuition that was rarely wrong - he ignored her and the change in their relationship came on as fast as they came together.