A/N: Thank you to all those that faved, reviewed and followed - you don't know how much it means to me!
Shoutout to LernalAnash for being my 350th reviewer! I wished I had a prize for you, but alas, I do not! *hands out virtual cookies*
A big thank you to my beta readers: Suledin & Kirani56! You guys are the best.
Humanity's Strongest Woman by xDollfie
Chapter 21 — The Unbreakable
It was just as she remembered it.
Disgusting, filthy, horrifying, and utterly vile.
There was no blue sky in the Underground City, no sun, no moon, no stars. Only a thick, solid dirt sky that separated the beautiful world of the Capital above and the condemned slums. There was no breeze, no rain, no sunshine. Only sewage water that dripped from the Capital above.
The street grounds were nothing more than pure soil, and the buildings were old and crumbling. There was a thick layer of crusted mud that clung onto the houses. Anywhere she looked, the Underground City looked pathetic and filthy.
The people that lived in the slums were no better than the surroundings.
Young, sick, old, and orphaned alike. Decaying bodies were laid unclaimed in the alleys. Starved citizens were lying around the streets just waiting patiently for their lives to end. It was a sight that Ida was once accustomed to. Life was hard in the Underground City, she knew. Some scrapped for food, some murdered, some got sick from common diseases, and some were just homeless.
The Underground City was the pure definition of 'survival of the fittest'.
Though merchants bought food down from the Capital above, very little could afford it. Many tried to steal only to be killed. Those who were too weak or too afraid to steal watched the merchants vainly; the corrosive acid eating away at their stomachs.
Various places were still brimming with people despite this. The illegal fighting dens at the south, the gambling dens, brothels, and slave houses. Ida caught the eye of a man failing miserably to pickpocket and getting beaten in one of the narrow alleys. Her heart clenched in a reaction.
She knew the Underground was no place for petty emotions. It was all about self-endurance. There was no time to provide sympathy for others. The weak with humane emotions die. The strong and ruthless triumph. This was the cruel world that was called the Underground City.
At the very end, she caught sight of the place she was looking for.
It was a dusty old building, worn down and practically falling apart. On the outside to the common eye, it was just another inn and bar. But Ida knew better than that. Dismounting her horse and stationing it, she landed on the ground with her combat boots, causing the dust to become airborne.
"Damn. Never thought I'd come to a place like this again," Ida cursed to herself, her steps heavy with irritation as she approached the doors.
A large man was stationed as a guard at the front swinging wooden doors and he glowered at the approaching female, trying to intimidate her away.
"What business do you have sniffing around our bar?" The bald man snarled at her, his menacing eyes traveled up and down Ida's fully cloaked attire. "Get lost, go and beg for money somewhere else."
A mischievous smirk formed on her lips and she remained composed, her features hidden by her heavy hood.
"I'm here to see your boss," she said with a simple but stern voice. Ida did not even look at him. Her gaze was solely fixed on the door. She remained unshaken, as if totally oblivious to his presence.
He looked at her with incredulous eyes, clearly offended by the calm demeanor. "What? Don't be ridiculous!" His temper fired to the limits and his nostrils flared in raging anger. "Hurry up and scram! Go beg somewhere else!"
Ida kept her apathetic gaze on the front door, undisturbed by the glare he was shooting her way. Exhaling a loud sigh, she looked up and her emerald eyes narrowed down vehemently. "Move," she demanded, pushing through the guard.
Sneering, the guard grew even more agitated with the deadpan expression on Ida's face that never seemed to waver. The intruder was really testing him, and soon enough, he would be at his peak.
The guard gritted his teeth and bellowed in a louder tone. "Oi, hag! Don't underestimate me!" He yelled, glowering at the female unforgivingly and grabbing his gun from the side. "I told you to—"
But he wasn't fast enough. The sounds of blades being drawn echoed as Ida instantly charged her handle with a blade and poised it lethally at his neck. He stiffened, eyes wide with disbelief as the petite female growled with ferocity, "I'm just saying you don't have a chance against me. Now let me in, I don't have time to play with you."
He gulped dryly, dropping his gun in surrender when she cocked her head to the side, waiting for his answer. "I — I understand."
"Good," she murmured, but her blade was still angled thirstily at his neck. She gestured her eyes towards the door, and the guard complied, moving forward carefully as he pushed the door open. Almost instantly, the men inside stood up, cautious at the sight of the intruder.
"Calm the hell down boys. You wouldn't want your friend's bald head rolling on the floor would you?" Ida threatened snidely, pressing her blade closer onto her captive's neck.
"Y — You! Who are you?!" The big, burly intimidating man to the corner screeched at her, glowering daggers, but the hooded woman remained unfazed.
"Stand down," a stern voice commanded.
"B — Boss!" The men immediately turned around at the sudden appearance of the well-dressed man, casually smoking a thick cigar as he puffed another round of smoke.
"Quite an entrance you made, eh?" The gentleman smirked vilely, flicking the ashes onto the floor. His chubby fingers rolled around the cigar, the orange tip glowing. "…You haven't changed much… Ida Starke."
Ida scoffed at his remark but she withdrew her blade and pushed the guard-forward, causing him to stumble to gain his balance. Pulling down her hood, she ran a finger through her short red hair and shook it, before arching a brow. "Tch. Speaking about change, since when do you treat your honored guest this way, Edward Faust?"
She felt curious eyes follow her, and a few gasps of recognition echoing through the dusty bar. Ida smirked when she stood in front of an arch browed Edward, obviously bemused by her sudden appearance. "I've come to collect your debt."
"Oh?" Edward mused in amusement, sucking on his cigar, before exhaling out carefully. He nudged his head towards the backroom door. "Follow me then."
Ida nodded numbly and trailed after him, entering the room. She closed the door behind her to grant them some privacy. Edward moved towards the dusty countertops, pouring himself a drink. "When I heard that you joined the Survey Corps, I thought you weren't coming back to the filthy slums ever again," he said evasively and directed a glass filled with alcohol towards her. "Drink?"
She made a face, declining the offer, and sat herself down on a vacant chair. "I've business here."
"Of course you do. You've caused quite a mayhem in Wall Sina recently from what I've heard," Edward replied lightheartedly, adding more of the accumulated ashes on his burning cigar to the ground. "Being a merchant isn't one of the best jobs ever you know? Especially with all the chaos within the Walls after the Survey Corps exposed the monarchy's corruption and the Central Military Police, times aren't looking so good for now. Why? Are you here for a job? Survey Corps life ain't for ya?"
"I don't plan to stay in the Underground City for long, Ed." Ida's deadpan voice was laced with disdain as she continued. "In fact, I'm on the run right now."
Edward nodded brusquely, sucking on the end of his cigar. "Always on the run, as usual…"
"I'd prefer if you kept my visit here a secret." Ida crossed her arms, her brows furrowing. "Let's get down to business. I'm running out of time."
"Of course, I, too, am curious to hear why the infamous Ida Starke has come to visit me after disappearing for nearly two years." Edward smiled wickedly, "Anything for a… old accomplice. You helped me out greatly in the past you know?"
"It's only shit people like you who would find 'help' in what I used to do," Ida snapped back angrily, certainly not appreciating that he was mentioning the past. She didn't want to hear any of it. Those horrible things that she had done were in the past, even if she knew her deeds were unerasable, Ida would rather not think of it.
She couldn't help but bite back in distaste for the tone of his voice, "The things you black-market merchants do to gain some fast cash is utterly disgusting."
"And its people like you who help us keep things afloat, isn't it?"
"Don't go there, Ed," Ida growled back, irritation and disgust anchoring her tone. "I've helped you out plenty before; killing off your competitors one by one so you can sit your ass on that pile of fortune you have now. You owe me."
"And I paid you well and helped you as well." An equally smug look glittered in his eyes as he regarded her carefully. She glared at him with utmost hatred, the same confident and menacing gaze that Edward remembered so well back when she still working underneath him.
Don't test my patience, Ida's glare said. And the message was quite clear.
But even then, the merchant dared to chuckle and shrug it off, shaking his head in what looked like amusement of all things. It only made Ida more annoyed, of course.
"Well, pardon me. I must have forgotten that you prefer to fight Titans now," he said almost sardonically and Ida hardened her glare for his comment, but he paid no attention to it and smirked. "So, what can I do for you, Ida?"
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
He sat alone in the living room. Though the sun had risen gloriously, illuminating the world in its brightness wherever its stunning rays touched — it was completely different in the room. The heavy curtains were drawn, blocking out the sunlight. It wasn't warm at all. In fact, it was blistering cold. Numbing. It was beyond a type of cold that made shivers, making anyone want to curl up into bed and sleep for eternity.
His cup of steaming black tea laid untouched in his palms, his taut features stern and stiff, but blank. His cloak and jacket lay to the side on a nearing chair, ready to be picked up at any time soon. Levi stared at the flickering light with vague interest, his mind swimming with thoughts. He did not hear the sounds of approaching footsteps, nor did he hear the distant chatters beyond the doors.
"Oh god, I had the best sleep in my life! I can't remember the last time I slept in a bed—" Sasha halted her words and her knees came to an abrupt stop, causing a domino reaction in her classmates behind her who bumped into her.
"Oi, potato girl!" Jean shouted angrily when he crashed into her, "What the hell are you doing—"
Jean paused when he saw his Captain by the corner. He felt the stiffening chill in the air. He shivered inwardly and turned to look at Armin nervously, who shrugged in response. Levi always brought front an intimidating and unapproachable aura, but today, it was completely different — it was intensified, almost tripled even.
What just happened?
Immediately, the squads' shifty eyes scanned the vicinity for the sight of a mop of red hair, but instead, they were greeted with nothing. Usually, whenever their Captain was in a foul mood, it always had something to do with her. Perhaps it was another petty argument that they got into? Perhaps they had gotten into another verbal fight?
How weird, Connie thought, Captain would've woken her up first after waking himself up.
It had become quite a common occurrence in the squad to see Levi kicking and shouting at the slumbering redhead after she had overslept, and hence, Ida was always the one to wake up before them, albeit grumpily, of course. Then, she would've proceeded to make him tea, occasionally spiking it with salt in spiteful anger.
But the mood seemed different today. It seemed almost… dejected.
"Hey guys, where's the little man?" Hanji's chirpy voice came echoing through the hallway. She popped through the doors fully dressed and prepared but she stopped puzzlingly when she saw the frozen scouts and the disturbed looks on their faces. It didn't take too long for her to discern the reason behind their frozen demeanor though.
"Oh, there you are, Levi, I was looking for you!" Hanji frowned when he didn't answer and bravely walked over to him, knocking on the table. "Levi?"
With exaggerated slowness, Levi moved his narrowed eyes towards her. Hanji observed curiously when she saw the coldness coloring his eyes and she was almost taken back by how dead they looked. "What's wrong with you? It's not like you to stone out."
At her remark, Levi's thin brows crumpled together and he lifted his teacup, bringing it up to his lips. "It's nothing. Shut the hell up and prepare to leave."
"Are you okay?" Hanji inquired once again, more firmly this time. She observed him with utmost concern — it was so unlike him to space out, and it disturbed her. Over the past few years of working with him, she could've easily counted the number of times on a single hand that she'd caught Levi distracted. He was always so sharp and observant.
Though Levi's stone-faced expression didn't change, she could tell something was seriously bothering him.
"Tch. Don't be ridiculous," Levi murmured darkly. He placed the half-drunk tea on his table brusquely before standing up, the old chair creaking in protest as it grinded on the cobblestone floor when he did so.
He didn't finish his tea, Hanji noticed with wide concerned infused eyes. It was another behavior trait that she had come to observe over the years. Levi always finished his morning tea, no matter what. It was so strange for him to leave it there.
"Well, good morning to you too. Had a good sleep?" Hanji threaded on light-heartedly, trying to alleviate the tension of the room. Levi was starting to send an unpleasant aura around him and she figured that beating around the bush was better than confronting him straight on. "Where's Ida by the way? I went to her room to wake her but she wasn't there."
Silence.
Overwhelming silence clouded them as Levi suddenly stopped in his grumpy stalk towards the door, every fiber in his body paralyzed at that name. The thoughts were bitter in his mind, leaving his mouth twisted in anger.
Hanji, lost in her own thoughts, missed his eyes on her and his glare that was icier than ever. "Did she go to the town to buy sweets again?" she mused to herself.
Almost always filled with a determined flame of light, his gray eyes were now filled with darkness and shadows that screamed the rage his gnashing mouth refused to release.
What he was feeling… he couldn't comprehend it. Whatever it was, it bubbled in his stomach, boiling and rising up into his throat with such force that it made the tips of his fingers tingle from the intensity. His fist, which was clenched, was so tightly fisted that he could feel his bones cracking under the rigid pressure.
He'd never felt anything like this before. Not even during battle. Not even when he'd thought that one of his comrades was in danger of losing their life. Never. Never had Levi Ackerman felt this way. And yet… he just couldn't label what it was. He wanted to lash out, wanted to hit something, wanted to scream at the top of his lungs… all because his chest had this… unbearable hollow ache to it.
And when his ferocious gaze finally landed on Hanji, with that all-too casual stupid grin of hers that never faded away, he heard her say her name again.
"What time is Ida coming back?"
It was then that he found that this feeling most certainly had a name.
Anger.
But, it was more than that. It was rage. But… it was more than that, too. It was betrayal. It was worry. It was resentment.
All of those pent up emotions were bundled up into one heavy package and it sat like a boulder in his stomach. It was all too much for him, too many things going on in his heart, too much emotion for the Captain to withstand. So, before he knew what he was doing, he was snatching the fabric of Hanji's jacket with rough hands and yanking on it, making her stumble closer as the rest of his squad gasped in shock, calling out his name to stop him, but he ignored them and snarled in her face.
"Shut up!"
But despite this, and despite the incredible glower on his face that usually scared his opponents shitless, Hanji's smile dissipated not into fear, but into a disturbing look of immense concern. Something was seriously wrong with Levi, he was always so composed, and her genius brain was quick enough to pick up just what was affecting him.
"Captain, what are you doing?!" Jean lunged forward, ready to break the two apart, but was held back by a calm lift of Hanji's hand as a gesture to stop.
Slowly, she moved her hand and clutched onto Levi's wrist firmly. "Levi… Stop it…" she reminded him calmly, but firmly as she narrowed her eyes to show him just how serious she was, and the furious Captain's hold weakened.
"Tch." Levi scowled with gritted teeth, roughly pushing her away from him. Hanji stumbled backward, adjusting her shirt as he glared fiercely at her.
"Get ready to leave," he said brusquely, pushing through the stunned crowd of recruits and slamming the door as he left.
"Squad leader Hanji!" Armin went forward, his expression contorted with concern. "Are you alright?"
Hanji smiled sadly, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine…" She turned her gaze back to the closed door and sighed deeply, moving her gaze back to the recruits. "…Don't mention Ida in front of him."
"What? Why?" Connie questioned, puzzled.
She could only shift her glasses uncomfortably, as she sighed loudly once again. "…She won't be a part of your squad anymore."
His feet felt heavier as he moved through the hallway. Damn it, what happened to him? How could he have lost all of his composure just like that? Why did she affect him so badly?
Levi never knew what heartbreak was.
It was such a ridiculous and meaningless term, really. It was just two different terms that have no business in meshing together. Though he knew that the human heart is a mystery altogether, he also knew that it was fragile. Yes, it hurt easily; easily torn by a single heart-wrenching word, easily crushed by a saddening emotion, easily stopped by a single plunge to the chest. It was so easy to just stomp under your foot, to trample over it until it was just another unrecognizable gruesome part of the human anatomy.
It was so easy for it to crumble and crack, so easy for it to be pulverized into a million pieces, then washed away in the raging wind. It rips, it crashes, and sometimes it's severed in a clean-cut line, sometimes into half crooked sharp pieces, sometimes into thirds, quarters, and even into multitudes of pieces.
The human heart is vulnerable, fragile, weak, easily broken like glass, and when played with, the razor-sharp edges cut deep, as if carving its agony into a soul like a masterpiece.
But Levi Ackerman's heart had never been broken before.
His heart was different. It was unbreakable. Even from a young age, Levi knew his heart was different from others. He grew up with his strong heart thumping so rapidly in his ribcage as if it wanted to break free. It happened whenever he was escaping from the Military Police back when he lived in the underground, speeding up and skipping loud beats whenever he threatened and poised his blades lethally on his victims' necks with his eyes flashing darkly. It crawled through his lungs, and up to his neck whenever he plunged a blade into someone else's. It quickened with quivering excitement whenever he landed a violent punch and knocked someone out in a fistfight.
His heart was anything but weak. Nothing could sway it.
Even when he joined the Survey Corps, nothing much had changed. He was well acquainted with the workings of his heart — he knew how to manipulate it, to twist it to his advantage, to suppress and work with his emotions.
He worked his heart furiously to pump fresh crimson energy throughout his body whenever he danced around in the air, slashing his blades in a lethal twirl of death as he skillfully brought down another Titan with deadly precision. Sometimes, it would stop abruptly in buzzing anticipation whenever he managed to swiftly maneuver away, just seconds away from being grabbed midair and devoured. His heart would exert itself, pounding harder and harder, but it was from a physical reaction.
Deaths. Even the deaths of his fellow comrades could not evoke a reaction from him to a point it broke. It clenched harder whenever he saw the piles and piles of amputated, disfigured, and bloodied corpses, barely recognizable as the smiling subordinates he saw in the mess hall. His heart would have throbbed painfully, fueling him with potent raging energy through his veins whenever he thought of the monsters that still roamed free.
But it was still explainable to him. He could discern that emotion easily: it was anger. Anger of the purest loathing form, so searing and stinging that it made his heart wrenched in a reaction.
That was how strong Levi Ackerman's heart was.
That was how unbreakable he was.
Even after he witnessed the smashed bones, severed heads, and limbs, bloodied lifeless faces of the fallen in battle, his heart did not cave in. Even after he woke up this morning, alone and betrayed, his heart lurched forward, but he sealed it and moved on. Even after he walked around the entire house, looking for her, his heart stung like someone had poured acid on it, but he steadied it and willed it to stay together firmly.
He was doing fine. He was doing great. He was doing splendidly.
It wasn't until he dressed up, went to the courtyard to meet with his squad with his horse reins ready in his hands did Levi feel the corner of his unbreakable heart splinter. To not see her grumpy face with puffed out cheeks no longer waiting for him, to not see her there, ready to spark a senseless argument with him, and to not see her there to make him his morning tea did he finally feel an odd sting to his heart, so painful and sudden that it almost made him lurch forward in a physical reaction.
It wasn't until Hanji came up to him with a dejected look, handing him a piece of paper she found silently, and he opened it to see the glaring words 'I'm sorry, I picked the choice that I wouldn't regret. Take care of our squad, I'm leaving' did he feel his heart twist like the furrowed crumpled paper in his composed hands. He desperately willed it to fade, to stay strong, but somehow as he tossed the insignificant paper to the side, he felt his heart following it — landing on the grass, weak, forgotten, and destroyed.
It wasn't until he mounted his horse and signaled his squad to advance with a firm gesture did he catch sight of the red strands of crimson locks stuck to the branches of a tree did he finally feel his unbreakable heart cracking into a million pieces, falling listlessly and trampled under his horse's hooves.
It wasn't until he passed by a familiar sweet shop in Stohess, and turned his head back, opening his mouth to question if she wanted to stop, did he finally realize she was not there.
He could almost hear her voice, smooth and pleading as she begged for him to stop so that she could refill on her sweet supply… He could almost hear her as she called out his name in that voice of hers; not sir, not squad leader, not Captain… but Levi. Those two syllables that sounded like that sweet peppermint candy she loved and his heart finally stilled.
Why?
Why did she leave? Didn't he ask her to stay? Didn't she promise she would?
Foolishly, Levi was about to say that he had shown her a very vulnerable side of him last night. There was certainly no acting on his part. But he decided there was no point in letting her know, not that she was there to listen anyway.
She was gone. She left. She ran away. She betrayed his trust.
And he didn't even know why.
His heart hollowed out and started to fracture, bit by bit, it cracked and crumbled to dust under his ribs and he felt suffocated, but he moved forward with an air of determination, his face heavily guarded and deadpanned, knowing that his squad was carefully watching him.
Levi hated the human heart with a passion. It was a messy thing when affected and he hated any kind of messes. But unlike the dirt and grime he detested so much, he couldn't simply swipe it away or get rid of it, or chase away this hollow forlorn feeling.
He shouldn't have been angry. He should've acted indifferent. He should've acted and felt anything but this.
His heart was unbreakable, wasn't it?
Levi never knew what heartbreak was, but if he were to guess, it would have to be something like this.
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
"Moblit! Bring over more liquor!"
"Squad leader! You shouldn't be drinking so much!"
"Oi, four eyes, wanna race to see who could drink faster?" Oluo challenged brusquely, swinging his mug around as he swayed around his chair as Petra scowled disgustingly beside him.
A certain redhead by the side did not look all too happy being around the company of rowdy companions and the noisy merry-making in the Survey Corps' mess hall. Everyone was at ease, finally able to let go of their stress, but being dragged into this by Petra, Ida Starke wasn't all too pleased.
"Just shut up already..." she groaned, breathing out roughly.
Beside her, Petra had heard her comment. "What's wrong?"
"This entire shit party is what's wrong. I don't care if it's shitty glasses' birthday, what's there to celebrate?" Ida told her bluntly without the necessary filter, and her brows crumpled into a frown.
"Well, it's a birthday celebration…" Petra threaded on lightly, a small chuckle escaping her lips. "Just try to enjoy it."
"I don't see what's the whole point to welcome another shit year in your life where Titans still roam outside the walls. When our comrades have just been picked up one by one and eaten at the last expedition just days ago," Ida replied sardonically, disdain anchoring her tone. "It's stupid, we should be training."
"Do you feel guilty if you let yourself enjoy life?" Petra inquired in a concerned tone. She had been through this phase before, back when she was a freshly enlisted rookie, so it didn't surprise her if Ida did feel guilty.
Ida did not reply, but she merely reverted back to her tea. Truth be told, Petra had hammered right on the nail once again. That woman was just too observant for her own good. Guilt had already robbed her of any happiness and with the effects of her first expedition beyond the walls still in full effect, Ida was distraught and found the celebration to be uncouth and offensive.
Their cries, the blood, the empty look of the corpses — Ida could still remember everything and it was haunting her conscience.
Why should they be celebrating joyously without a care in the world when their comrades still lay rotting in the sun? Uncollected and forgotten.
A genuine look of concern veiled Petra's warm features. "…Hanji has made it alive into another year, so…"
"Tch. Then what about the rest who didn't?" Ida retorted back, her features contorted in disgust. "It's disgusting. Celebrating over something insignificant when our comrades are rotting beyond the Walls under the sun and their families are grieving. How fucking selfish is this celebration?"
Ed, who was listening to their conversation by the corner, couldn't help but cut into it rudely after hearing her insensitive words. "Oi, what the hell is your problem?"
Ida snapped her head to the blonde male when she heard the hostility present in his voice, "What?"
In a fit of uncontrolled emotion, Ed scorned at her, his narrowed eyes loathing the sight of the redhead and he made sure that his tone displayed every bit of disdain as well, "Don't act like you're brooding over the legion's death and making such a big deal of it. Have you ever shown compassion to your subordinates? Sympathy even? Your heart is made of fucking stone. You're constantly disapproving of everything and being so damn cynical. A rude, arrogant, and self-caring person like you wouldn't know the first thing about feeling grief of remorse when you don't even make the effort to interact with others because you think everyone is beneath you."
Their eyes clashed in a battle of the wills, the tension so thick it was almost palpable, but Ida did not waver, even as Ed continued on with rage.
"You seem to see yourself above the rest of us as if you are of higher value and act as if people are bothersome pricks annoying you. But let me tell you something. You're not above anyone. So, don't think you can trample on people's emotions like nothing, not giving a fuck about anyone but yourself? Not only that, you're disrespectful and a fucking bitch if I may say so myself. Even showing disrespect towards Commander Erwin and Captain! Where were you when we hosting the funeral for Marie and Jason? Do you really think of that highly yourself that you couldn't even come down to pay your respects to the comrades you failed to save?!"
Usually, Ida would have been too lazy to explain herself, letting her comrades think of her as they pleased, but this time she was outraged.
Who was he to speak to her like that? Couldn't he see the reason why she couldn't bring herself to attend the funeral was because she was blaming herself for it? Because she was hurting deep inside and filled with grief? Because she was too embarrassed to even show herself?
"If that's the case, you have no right to tell me that because you don't know me." Her voice was low, stern, and frighteningly cold.
"Ah… Guys, calm down…" Petra tried to placate the two, but it was futile as her efforts fell onto deaf ears.
"Oh? Then are you going to defend yourself then? If you really care about the state of your comrades, then why don't you even bother to interact with us?" Ed argued angrily, his eyes blazing like fire. "Petra and the rest of us are being too lenient and nice to you and you are fucking take advantage of that!"
"I don't want senseless emotional attachment nor do I need it."
"Why? Are you fearful of it, is that why?!" Ed demanded. By now everyone in the party had died down, listening intensively to the argument happening between the two. "Are you afraid of betrayal? You couldn't even trust your comrades then?!"
"Because this world is merciless! It doesn't care who you are or how skilled you are! It's the fucking survival of the fittest, just like it always was! People will never come back! People won't stop dying! People won't stop grieving!"
Somehow as everyone listened to her statement, they couldn't help but realize that she was beginning to crack, allowing little snippets of emotion to slip through the splinters; her true emotions.
Ed only continued with his assault. "Moping around and grieving won't change a damn thing! Would you rather spend the rest of your life wallowing in loneliness then? Because you are too afraid of what would happen to you after they are gone?!"
Having enough, Ida stood up abruptly, slamming her hands on the table as her chair reeled back from the sudden force. "Listen you shit face. I'm doing everyone a favor. This way, when I'm gone, when that person is gone, no one would ever have to experience grief. What do you think is going to happen to that girlfriend of yours if you ever die? I'm just sparing myself the shit agony."
Eld was outraged. "Don't you dare talk about her like you know her!"
"Then don't talk to me like you know me," she warned precariously, the shadows in her eyes flashing. "Unlike you, I do not inject idealistic thoughts into my brain. This is real life, and if you're smart, you'd fucking understand."
Turning her heel to the door, she heard Petra call out to her but she ignored it. Ida couldn't take it anymore, but it wasn't the argument with Eld that she couldn't take — it was the looks she was getting.
The pitiful looks of the scouts, almost relaying the message: 'Poor girl… With that mindset of hers, she can never find happiness.'
No family. No friends. No loved ones. Nothing but ever-growing emptiness, sorrows, and loneliness.
Yes, Ida Starke knew what loneliness was and she was fine staying that way.
She touched her cheeks, holding back the tears that were brimming in her hooded eyes.
Why was she thinking about the past at a time like this?
Walking through the ruins of the Underground City, Ida allowed her mind to wander. Her heart ached. How foolish it was to argue with Ed like that. She was insensitive to say those words, she had to admit, but it wasn't like she could apologize to him anymore.
He was gone, dead. With the rest of her squad, they were gone.
She didn't even get the chance to tell them how much she appreciated them, for accepting her, for trusting her, for tolerating her rudeness and brash personality. Ida Starke regretted it with all her heart.
It was only Levi, Eren, and her now — the only survivors from the first Special Operations Squad.
As if on instinct, she began to piece together her stoic and apathetic dissemble, locking away everything that she was feeling. It was almost natural for her to do it now, fearing that Levi would catch that look and demand to know what the hell was wrong again.
But then she realized, she was alone.
Her heart crumbled at that painful realization. She was alone again. There was no one there to tell her to cry as she pleased because that's what brats do. No one here to tell her to spit it out and pointing out that she was a pathetic failure at lying and certainly no more warmness here.
Ida wondered how he was faring now. She knew that her departure would hurt him — badly. After he had lowered himself in front of her, showing her all that he truly is — a broken man devoid of love, and even after risking everything that he had struggled so hard to build up, she left just like that.
Levi would never forgive her now, she knew. But she trusted that he would carry on without her, Ida had always believed in his undying strength. He would be alright without her…
But she wouldn't be alright without him.
Levi Ackerman was her pillar of support, her respected confidante, and her loved one. With him gone, it was as if a part of her was missing, and she craved his attention once again, she needed him beside her.
However, she knew it was time for her to grow up — she couldn't depend on him anymore.
No, Ed. I would rather have spent my life in happiness like you. To treasure the sweet times with your loved ones, to relish every breath that passed their lips, to fight to defend their beating hearts. I would rather spend a second in their comforting warmness than live another lifetime of walking around aimlessly in the icy cold darkness.
I was just too foolish to realize that in the past.
She closed her eyes in agony for a moment. Ida knew what loneliness was, but it was on this day that she realized. She wasn't lonely because she had nobody around her — it was because she pushed everyone that cared about her away.
Locking away all the nagging thoughts in her brain, she allowed the rational part of her mind to take over. There was no time to be thinking of insignificant things like this now. Her mission took precedence over her emotions.
A sudden flurry of movement and noises from the side caught Ida's attention as her face looked towards the side, curious. At the far corner at the end of the streets, she took note of a pair of wealthy-looking merchants who were standing in front of a slave house, making conversation.
"Look at this!" The taller merchant said bitterly, waving a report angrily in the air. "Those damn soldiers said they would relinquish their power and that they have no intention of establishing a military rule within the Walls!"
"Tsk, as if I would believe that crap." His slightly plump companion with a heavy mustache and a top hat replied sarcastically. "They overthrew the royal family after all that effort, and now they expect us to believe that their goals are simply limited to prevent mankind from going extinct?"
"It's that damn Erwin Smith, I tell you," his friend said with a scowl. "That greedy bastard is thirsty for power. I knew I should've made more of an effort to stop funding the Survey Corps expeditions beyond the Walls, now look what those Titan lunatics did!"
He played with his mustache as he considered his friend's words, "I suppose that the nobles will start making a move soon to oppose the coup, and then they'll demand the fucking blonde head of his."
"Was there a public announcement made?" Ida asked, concealing her features underneath her hood.
"Eh? Who the hell are you?" The taller merchant scorned, a touch of distaste of his words as he thought of her as a beggar. "But yeah, there was an announcement made to the public crowd in Mitras."
If that's the case, I would have to move faster, Ida thought to herself, her brows crumpling.
She found her emotionless gaze moving towards the cages in front of the slave houses when a soft whimper caught her attention. A female child sobbed in the metal cages, and from her angle, she could see her trembling in fear. Ida knew just how frightening it was. The raw wounds and the dirty, unkempt state of the girl told a story of the bitter abuse she went through.
"That girl…" Ida found herself saying, her eyes suddenly become determined and she straightened her stance.
The mustached man in front of her followed her gaze and his eyebrow raised, "You want to purchase her?"
"…How long has it been since she was fed?" Her voice was soft, almost empathetic, but it held a strong grip of unwavering determination.
"Tch. Who the hell cares? The quicker we get rid of her the better. That fucking brat isn't generating any money," the merchant said, making a disgusted face at the sight of the filthy child in the cages. "If you aren't going to buy her, then scram, woman."
"You can't do that, she's human too."
"Human? Tsk, hey girl, do you even know where the hell you are? This is the Underground City, things like petty humane emotions, rules, and laws don't fucking exist."
Suddenly, he grabbed onto her arm and pulled her towards him, but Ida's gaze on the child never wavered, nor did she fight back.
"You seem like a pretty thing, perhaps you'd make a better profit than her," he cooed into her ears, but Ida did not flinch once. Gripping onto the cover of her hood, he pulled it down. "Let me look at your face."
Much to the surprise of the men, not only did they see a beautiful redhead, but also her glassy and hollow green eyes had prickling tears welling up in them. Then, she started chuckling, so sadly and sadistically that it confused the two men before her.
"Oi, what the fuck is your problem, you bitch?! Are you mocking us?!" The taller man grabbed roughly onto her cheeks, pulling her face to meet his black eyes. Ida stumbled forward, but she did not seem one bit affected by the animosity streaming out of the man in front of her. "How about you come work for us, eh?"
Disgusting, Ida thought bitterly. How fucking disgusting. These heartless monsters are what we are protecting from the Titans?
Her solemn chuckle just wouldn't stop. "…Yes, this is the Underground… rules and laws don't exist right...?"
It happened so quickly that they didn't even get to react. In a swift agile motion and taking advantage of the gears hidden in her thick cloak, she rammed her handgrips into the back of his neck, taking him out cold. Gritting her teeth, her eyes flashed a blazing green as she addressed the man with the mustache who staring at her with horrified wide eyes.
She smirked. "So… I can do whatever I want to you heartless bastards, right?"
"W — Wait!"
It was too late.
In a final swipe with her handgrips, blood spurted out of his mouth and onto her cheeks as she violently bashed the metal across his face. As if it wasn't enough, she kicked him straight at his stomach. The moment the hard tip of her combat boots made contact, he groaned in agony.
"Tch." She hissed and bent over, snatching the keys from him and his wallet knowing that her blow had paralyzed him. Moving over to the cages, she unlocked it with haste and grabbed the blonde inside. "Come with me if you want to live."
Without a second for the child to give her a reply, she pulled her out roughly and ran towards the other end of the street before help arrived for the two merchants. Once Ida had concluded that they had ensured a good distance, she pushed the child into the isolated alleyway with urgency.
"P — Please….Don't kill me…" The child spluttered uncontrollably in a cracked voice, her glassy blue eyes wide with the highest form of fear. She was curled up into a quivering ball, pressing her back into the brick wall, not caring if the puddle of dirty water was wetting her torn and tattered dress.
Ida considered the child for a moment and wiped the blood off her cheeks. She softened her features after realizing that she was probably frightened because she looked intimidating. "I'm not going to kill you," she told her in a gentle and reassuring tone, staring inventively into her eyes as she tried to pick up any sense of discomfort. "Trust me."
The child seemed to relax for a moment, but there was a glint in her eyes that told Ida she doubted her words. "T — Then… What do you want with me…?"
"Get up for starters. You're getting yourself dirty." Ida pulled the girl to her feet, it took some time since her knees were weak with fatigue and laced with fear, but she managed to prop her up.
Her green eyes observed her intensely for a moment. Underneath all the dirt and her grimy disheveled locks, Ida could tell she was beautiful. But along with that innocent young beauty, her wide blue eyes were touched with horror from her past, her smooth baby skin was tainted with bruises and wounds, and her small red lips were bloodied and cracked.
"Are you hungry?" she inquired in a warm voice, holding her firmly by her shoulders and giving it a tight, comforting squeeze.
The blonde child's eyes blossomed at the sound of food, but she said nothing. However, Ida knew that her stomach acid was inflicting intense pain. She was brave for a young girl her age, the redhead observed.
Extracting the stolen wallet from her pocket, she took the child's boney hands and placed it in her grasp, closing her brittle thin fingers around it. "Here."
"Huh?" The girl couldn't believe what she was seeing and she looked at the wallet in stunned dismay.
"It's yours," Ida coaxed a reassuring smile, ruffling the locks of her head.
"R — Really?" The child almost choked in tears, looking at the wallet gratefully. It felt heavy, and with this, she was able to live comfortably for quite some time. "But why?"
Taking out her handkerchief, Ida began wiping the dirt and grime off of her cheeks, careful not to apply too much pressure onto her bruises, "Well, it's not as if I'm not asking for something back… Things don't come free in life you know."
"What?" The blonde tilted her head in puzzlement.
Ida gave her a small sad smile, picking out a small knife from her pocket and placing it in her hands, "You have got to learn to protect yourself out there, don't hesitate to use it." She told her, and pinching her cheeks softly, she added, "…Now, in return for me helping you, can you help me with something?"
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
They had stopped for a short break and amidst the stables. Jean sighed wearily, rubbing his face tiredly as he settled onto a dusty old box in the stables. "Man, I swear I'm so tired."
"We all are, Jean," Connie answered him, adjusting his hat. "…I heard that Darius Zackley is scheduled to make a speech to the crowd in Wall Sina today."
The ash-haired blonde popped the cap off of a bottle and took long, thankful gulps from it. "Ugh… I can never get used to this lifestyle."
"We have our duties as a soldier that we cannot ignore."
Jean gave a curious look to his friend. "Since when were you so serious about responsibility? Didn't you want to join the peaceful Military Police so that your village could be proud of you?"
Only when he saw that dejected, solemn look on Connie's face did Jean realize his mistake for speaking so insensitively and began to apologize, "Look I'm sorry—"
"Save it," Connie barked back sharply, but his gaze was still averted away. "It's different now, weren't you the same back then as well? Wanting to join the Military Police for a sweet life in Wall Sina? Reality, Jean. All that we have seen and witnessed — it changed us all. When we decided to join the Survey Corps, we had all made a resolve. We changed. The cruel reality gave us all a rude awakening."
Jean's stomach clenched and he looked away in guilt. He found himself observing his exhausted, solemn, and worried teammates. How pitiful. An air of dejected atmosphere hung around them, and even their usually composed Captain seemed to be on edge today.
"…What do you think happened to Ida Starke?" Jean found himself asking out loud.
"I don't have a clue," Connie answered flatly. "Captain didn't tell us anything and neither did Hanji-san,"
"Do you think she's dead? What if someone killed her?" Sasha came around, munching on an emergency ration.
"Don't be ridiculous potato girl. Who the hell murders her in the middle of the night and leaves us all unscathed?" Jean retorted. He found himself looking at Levi — taking in how he looked so much more stressed out and serious. "…I think she ran away."
"Ran away?" Sasha echoed, stunned. "You think she really did that?"
"Well her horse wasn't in the stables… and neither was her important belongings and gears," Connie agreed. "The stress… the fear… It probably caught up with her."
"…Tch, how the hell can she do that? To abandon her squad just like that. She's probably too afraid to continue on and wants to save herself," Jean mumbled bitterly, clenching on his fist. "I guess when it all boils down to survival, even the most devoted person can betray us. What's there stopping us from escaping from this hell when she can easily do that in a night?"
"All the times she was talking big and consoling us in devoting ourselves to humanity," Connie scowled in disdain, "It was all for show, huh?"
"She didn't run away."
Surprised by the sudden intrusion of another voice in their conversation, the three teammates turned to face the raven-haired female. Mikasa's face was firm, apathetic when she continued, "She's isn't the type to abandon the Survey Corps. I'm sure you know her well enough to judge that for yourself."
The rest of her squad members considered her words silently in agreement. Ida was always so committed to the Survey Corps, and especially to her partner and Captain, Levi. Though she always wasn't the one to quickly step up to responsibility, she was always there, helping in the sidelines, even putting herself in danger to protect her comrades.
So why would someone like that just suddenly run away in the middle of the night?
"How would you explain her sudden disappearance then?" Sasha countered smartly.
Mikasa considered her for a moment, before simply replying, "I don't know."
The four fell into a deep, tense silence, each pondering over the reasons. However, no matter how much they thought over it, their hypothesis only contradicted with the redhead's personality. Right now, they didn't know just what to believe.
Nearby, Hanji was immersed in a conversation with Hitch and Marlo. Digging into her pockets, she extracted out a clean envelope and passed it on to them, "We're separating here. I'll need you to go to Erwin and hand this to him."
"Understood," Marlo responded, grabbing onto the letter and tucking it away safely.
After a brief conversation with the pair, Hanji waved him off and went towards the lone Captain by the sidelines, "Levi."
"You've got some nerve making me wait, four eyes. This is the meeting spot for Moblit, right? What is taking him so long? We're running out of time," Levi snapped almost instantly, scowling in obvious distaste.
"He's coming," Hanji stated rigidly, looking around the alleyway for any signs of her trusty right-hand man.
Levi scoffed in annoyance, his dead-like eyes stabbing daggers onto the woman in front of him, "Tch. This is ridiculous."
Knowing that the sight of the Titan maniac was sure to aggravate him further, Levi concentrated on the nearby sewage pipe, aimlessly staring at it.
"What's wrong with it, Mikasa?" Armin's voice sounded, dragging Levi out of his endless thoughts. He found himself staring at the pair not too far off. Armin was seated on the edge of a large box while Mikasa was crouched down and fumbling with his gear straps.
"I don't know, probably got stuck. Stay still." Mikasa told him, tugging on his leather straps.
"What the hell did they teach you during your three shitty years in the Trainee Corps? You're doing it wrong." Levi suddenly came forward with a scoff, catching the pair off guard, he narrowed his cold eyes fiercely and gestured for Mikasa to step away, "Move, Ackerman."
Mikasa obliged without a single sound of protest and Levi took her spot in front of Armin, and with efficiency and expertise, he worked around the gears and quickly untangled it. Embarrassed, the blonde stuttered, "T — Thank you, Captain."
Getting up from the ground, Levi dusted his hands, "If you don't take proper care of your damn gear, you're fucked. Remember that if you want to live."
"Yes… I understand..." Armin replied nervously, getting off the boxes.
Levi watched as the two scouts stalked off awkwardly and his brows furrowed deeper. Behind him, a soft voice commented. "That was unlike you."
"Don't be stupid shitty glasses, I'm always like that," Levi retorted almost immediately, glaring at Hanji.
She considered him for a moment, a knowing look etched on her face. "…You're worried about what's going to happen to Eren, right?"
"Of course I am," Levi snapped back curtly. "That Titan brat is Humanity's Hope in killing the god-be-damned Titans."
Clicking her tongue, Hanji shook her head softly, "Not that, Levi. You're worried about what's going to happen to him if something happens to Mikasa and Armin."
At this, his frown deepened even further. "What kind of insignificant shit are you spewing now, four eyes?"
"It's a dark mirror image, isn't it…? The bond that those three children share, they followed Eren into the Survey Corps…" Hanji answered him, not faltering one bit as the severity of his glare intensified by the second. "Just… like how Isabel and Farlan followed you into the Survey Corps… Isn't that why you're always so harsh with Eren? Because you don't want him to make a prideful foolhardy decision and watch as history repeats itself? Because you don't want him to go through everything that you had been through?"
Levi studied her features for a moment, somehow remembering how Hanji was there on the expedition where Isabel and Farlan were killed and simply uttered a dodgy reply, "Tch, I don't know what you're talking about."
She sighed, pushing up her glasses towards the crown of her brunette locks. Hanji knew that Levi was lying once again. Though Levi is established, experienced, capable, and a powerful veteran while Eren was a naïve, inexperienced rookie — they weren't very different.
It was just that his emotional range had been severely stunted over the years, like all of the other Survey Corps veterans. Like Eren, he once had the capacity of unstoppable rage, but as the years passed, it had been slowly worn down over time. But it wasn't as if he wasn't capable of feelings, but not to the degree as he once could.
It was well known to everyone who took the time to observe him that he fights not only because he's humanity's most experienced and proficient warrior, but also because he cares about his men. Over the years, she had watched Levi, who had initially only cared about himself, Farlan and Isabel, evolved after their death, feeling compassion for others, not wanting to lose any more people he cared about.
Even with his utterly asocial and quirky personality, Hanji Zoe knew that he was just like all of them; capable of feeling, capable of expressing, capable of being affected.
Apart from his men and humanity, Levi did not give a damn about anything else, opting to tell the blunt truth to others with a sledgehammer to their face — but what others did not know that there was another factor that he cared about, very much so in fact, and that woman goes by the name of Ida Starke.
"Squad leader."
Hanji turned around at the voice, "Oh, Moblit. There you are."
"I've got the information that you wanted about Jaron Starke," Moblit answered, handing the piece of paper towards Hanji.
Upon hearing the mention of her surname, Levi snapped his head towards the man. "Starke?" He echoed and with a clenched jaw, he turned his accusing eyes to Hanji, who was browsing through the papers. "What's the fucking meaning of this?"
"All this… information is accurate, yes?" Hanji ignored him, her eyes glazing through the words quickly.
"Yes," Moblit nodded his head, albeit a little puzzled, "Jaron Starke — married to Layla Starke, who died while giving a difficult birth to his only child, a son, who is the current inheritor. He had a twin sister, Elsie Starke, who passed away. She was Ida's birth mother."
"Hanji Zoe," Levi scowled her name, and Hanji looked up at the simmering man, knowing that whenever he used that tone of voice and called out her full name, he was serious. Dead serious.
With a loud exhale, she handed the papers to Moblit, "…I had a theory on where she is going…"
Crumbling, all of his self-control. Escalating, his raging anger. Numbing, his frustration. Growing, his denial. Levi didn't know what to feel, and yet even with his prized self-control and his bruised capability of experiencing strong emotions, he felt it all, every bit of it.
With every word leaving Hanji's lips, his elite stoic Captain's façade splintered. With every explanation that he listened to, his world darkened. And finally, with her final conclusion said — his heart sank.
"What the hell are you saying, four eyes?!" Levi growled back fiercely, the hollows around his sockets shadowing darkly. "Erwin wouldn't fucking allow something shitty like that!"
Hanji glanced at Moblit nervously, before adjusting her spectacles on her nose bridge. "…Is there any other explanation then?"
The papers in his hands crumpled under his furrowed hold, and his sharp teeth came together in a sharp gnash, realizing how right she was. "That fucking troublemaking brat," he cursed, hurling the crumpled paper to the ground and turning his heel sharply.
"Wait! Levi, where are you going?!" Hanji shouted after him, following behind urgently.
"To get that fucking suicidal little shit back!"
"It's too late!" Hanji told him sharply, reeling back a little bit in fear when she saw his eyes flash even darker than ever. "…It's too late, Levi. She's gone. We don't even know where she is now."
"I don't give a fucking damn," Levi bit back fiercely. "I'm getting that shitty brat back no matter what it fucking takes."
"And then what?!" Hanji hollered back at him, almost in a show of exasperation and disbelief. "What about Eren then, and Historia?! Are you going to abandon your responsibilities now?! Disappoint every one that had placed their hope in you, what about your squad?!"
"Squad leader…" Moblit uttered nervously, trying to hold back a rampaging Hanji, slightly dismayed that she would have the audacity to talk to Levi like that.
But it was always like that with her, underneath the happy-go-lucky scientist façade, Hanji Zoe could be intimidating at times, Moblit knew. Gritting her teeth, she spared no mercy as she lashed out on the shorter man in front of her, "What would Ida have wanted? She would've wanted you to continue! That's the reason why she left so easily because she believed in you!"
"Then what the hell do you want me to do?! Just fucking sit and watch her do something stupid again?!" Levi almost lost it, his taut rigid form etching closer to Hanji threateningly, but she did not back away this time.
A battle of the wills clashed, as the brunette simply answered. "Yes."
As if it wasn't possible, Levi gnashed his teeth even harder, his fist clenched into balls that were so tightly bound, that he felt his fingernails scrape harshly against his calloused palms. The next words that came out of his lips were the hardest things he had ever said, the hardest decisions that he had ever made, "Tch. Make the preparations to leave."
Knocking against Hanji's shoulders as he stalked away, he passed by his stunned and distraught squad, each secretly wondering to themselves what happened to Hanji to talk back to Levi like that — but from the looks of his scowl and the severity of their conversation, they pushed back all of their questions in their heads for now.
He needed to cool off his head right now. He didn't know what would happen to him if he didn't.
Passing through another alleyway and into the bustling streets, his footsteps were like heavy boulders clicking on the pebble stone pathway. When he finally decided he was a good distance away from the squad, he landed his fist against the brick walls in frustration.
The pain traveled through his knuckles and through his body, but Levi could only think of one thing.
Why, Erwin? Is your lust for humanity's freedom really that unquenchable? So much that you would allow her to do this? Allow your own daughter to do this?
Though he was the pragmatic and ruthless leader of the Survey Corps, with the sole goal of leading humanity to a brighter tomorrow whatever the cost may be — Levi had thought differently of the man. He saw how he observed her from afar, how he had concern for her like none other, how he actually expressed love and regret in his icy cold eyes.
Levi knew that Erwin was a 'good' person, it's just that he had to do 'bad' things that are morally wrong because he knows that if he doesn't, horrible things would happen. He was willing to be the anti-hero; the hated and scorn upon if it meant all of humanity would survive. While this was just a post-facto justification for morally questionable actions presented to those who would question the necessity or rightness of his actions, Levi knew Erwin undoubtedly loved Ida.
Even he was no different — Levi was willing to play the part of the aberrant, the killer, the heartless — willing to take down anyone in his way, able to respond faster than anyone in abnormal circumstances. He was willing to take all the contempt in the world if it meant avoiding the hell of being eaten by Titans.
Both of them had to bear the weight of every single member of the Survey Corps and humanity.
"…But, you fucking bastard…" Levi gnashed, his cold voice strained. "I was fucking counting on you to stop her."
Unbeknownst to him, far away at the Royal Capital, a lone blonde commander entered his personal room after separating from Darius Zackley. Somehow, the smart button-up Survey Corps trench coat felt heavier on his shoulders, as if constantly applying pressure.
He did it. He had successfully overthrown the Monarchy, but somehow, there was a dark plague breeding in his chest that just wouldn't seem to go away.
With exaggerated slowness, he went forward to his desk, opening the drawers. He extracted out a painted portrait, staring at it with an apathetic face. It was drawn a long time ago, a dusty gray portrait of the Survey Corps members — his friends.
How many of them had he sent to their deaths already?
In truth, his thoughts weren't with them these past few days. Was monarchy right? Was just simply watching as he sent his friends to their deaths one by one... men, women, teenagers the best choice for humanity? Did he make the wrong choice by not entrusting everything to the crown?
Hanji, Eren, Historia, Levi…Was it okay to abandon them, along with his life and responsibilities and just simply give in to the monarchy? Hadn't they been keeping humanity alive from the Titans until this day? Weren't they more reliable despite how debased they are?
At the corner of his eye, he caught onto the sight of another portrait. Buried deep underneath piles of paperwork and documents, the faded edge cursed with age popped out and seemingly almost begged him to be picked up.
With calm hands, he took it out from the confinements, letting it breathe light for the first time in twenty years.
It was a portrait of a smiling Elsie Starke… and a newborn Ida…
His daughter.
Erwin Smith had never broken his stern demeanor even in the most dangerous situations, he could send countless amount of good men and women to their early graves without batting an eye if the situation calls for it. He had devoted his life to humanity, neglecting a life of bliss. For his father who had died, for his dreams, for the continuation of mankind — Erwin willed himself to never flinch. He needed to look strong, to support and guide everyone to follow him, who placed their lives in his hands.
Because of this, he had cultivated a cold and flawless public persona, concealing his emotions and thoughts from the world. Very rarely did Erwin ever lower his guard enough to reveal any weakness or emotion, but…
That persona wasn't the real Erwin Smith.
Before he is a ruthless Commander, he is a human being.
Before he is a flawless strategist, he is a simple man.
And before he is a formidable soldier, he is a loving father.
In that cold, isolated room, overwhelming regret came crashing on him like a typhoon as he rubbed his thumb on the faded portrait. "…I failed you…" His voice cracked painfully.
Now that he was alone, he could finally feel. He could finally allow himself to let go of everything. He had wanted so badly to stop her, but he couldn't. He just didn't have the right to. Erwin couldn't abandon his responsibilities now, not when he had come this far.
He too, was secretly counting on Levi Ackerman to stop her.
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
Gray.
It plastered the skies as far as the eye could see. Just a single, dull slab of color; bereft of any warmth or compassion. However, it was not uncommon in the northern Wall Sina's unruly weather for the skies to be drained of life. It was the kind of day that was filled with tension that was almost palpable. The clouds above her were swollen with condensation, and the weather was much chillier in this part of the region.
Cold, brutally chilly. Ida could never understand why the northern districts were considered the most desirable region. Even if there was minimal Titan activity, the weather was known to be brutally cold and made life for residents difficult here.
Ida Starke took a deep breath, savoring the calm before the storm. She didn't like storms themselves necessarily, but it was the few precious moments before everything broke forth that stirred some sort of excitement in the pit of her stomach. The way everything was unnaturally quiet, the way nature seemed to be holding its breath… it was the thrill of anticipating something big that captured her like no other kind of weather.
It didn't take long for the rain to fall from the heavens and pound onto the grandiose estate without mercy.
I have to do this, only I can do this.
With a large lump in her throat, she dismounted herself off her horse upon reaching her destination. There was a hollow ache in her chest as if her heart was descending down her to her stomach. Her breathing almost seemed to cease.
Don't be afraid Ida, you've long resigned yourself to die for a cause.
With trepidation heavy in her gut, she took heavy steps toward the immense steel gates. She could see it by now, the lavish mansion, the great columns wrapped around the porch. It was a grand, sprawling estate. The building was designed in a Greek style with large Corinthian pillars at the entrance. The lawn was vast and the building was made of limestone walls and tall crystal windows, standing over three floors high at the end of a cobblestone road in a sweeping cul-de-sec.
Even after being here plenty of times in the past, the sight of the place had always left Ida breathless.
"Halt! Who are you?!" The guards stationed in front of the gates screeched at the sudden appearance of a hooded finger and angled their rifle at her threateningly.
I'm sorry, Levi. Forgive me.
As much as she wanted to — she will not scream in agonizing frustration, she will not allow her piercing cries to reach the still air, she will not weep tears of despair and drown in her endless sorrows. She was strong now, different. Gradually, even if the time calls for it, she will accept and succumb to her fate, embracing whatever lies ahead if she were to step through those gates.
She will gamble with everything she's got.
Just like how the wind changes its course, sweeping up the dead leaves in the process — Ida was caught in a whirlwind, swept by the strong winds, but she wouldn't allow herself to break. Not ever.
Slowly, she pulled down her hood.
Red spider lily, she thought somberly, when the strong winds blew her red hair across her vision. The flowers of hell and death, the flowers of farewells.
Why was it that her hair was the same color as the accursed flower of farewells?
A haunted shadow engulfed her green eyes when they met the guards' enlarged eyes. Her scarlet red hair contrasted with her dull surroundings, the color of blood. It a trait that Ida hated, but it was a trait that she knew the guards would recognize. The proof of her identity. The look of acknowledgment that outlined shock on the guard's faces was all it took to know that they knew her identity.
"You!" The guards angled their rifle towards her again, appalled at her appearance.
The question displayed on their confused expressions was clear: Why? Why did she come here?
"I am Ida Starke, daughter of Elsie Starke," she introduced obviously. Slowly, but careful not to make any sudden movements that would cause the guards to pull the trigger on her, she took hold of her handgrips at the side pockets of her chest.
Immediately, the guards tensed when they saw the handgrips in her raised hand, mentally preparing for a battle, but much to their surprise, Ida did not charge forward as they had predicted her to.
Cling.
Instead of assaulting, she dropped the handgrips to the ground, out of her reach…
Clang.
Instead of propelling herself in the air to escape, she unbuckled her blade boxes and gas tank from her side and dropped it to the ground, rendering her weaponless…
And with a haunting look etched across her face, she lifted her hands up, her eyes searing into the immense Starke family estate in the background.
Remember, Ida, you are unbreakable.
"I have come to surrender myself."
BRAH! Sorry to end it at this point, but hey, at least we know where's she going now! However, Ida could've easily taken out the guards and infiltrate the mansion, why is she surrendering instead?! What kind of fate lies for her inside?! What is Erwin's plan?! HAHA, questions, questions, which hopefully would be answered (at least some of them would) in the upcoming chapter! We're reaching the climax soon!
A big thank you to all those who reviewed, I really appreciate it! I hope to see more of you guys :D