Chapter 3: The Heaven Interval

Days passed, and despite Eileen's best efforts to perk up Severus' spirits, he refused to leave the confines of his bedroom. Although Severus himself was gloomy, the house he once looked upon as a Hellish mess; grotesque, rankly smelly and darkly dilapidated, was now a much-improved environment.

Every beer bottle was gone, all the floorboards in every room was spotless. Magic was used on Eileen's part to do so, the new wand she had been presented by her ever remorseful father clearly proved useful. While Severus shut himself away, refusing point blank to converse with his grandfather, Septimus spent a lengthy amount of time guiding his daughter in learning how to use magic once more, after several years of avoiding and forgetting how to use magic after Tobias snapped her wand, and for fear of his inevitable retribution. Also different about the house was the smell. The windows were all open, and the air took time to cleanse, but eventually, a flowery tinge began to take control of the rooms. The crockery in Eileen's kitchen was replaced and gave a homelier appeal as she cooked the meals and the table was also replaced and had no trace of beer stains or burns from put out cigarettes.

Severus, despite himself, never felt safer and content in his home before, in either versions of his life. He had never kept the place this good-looking even when he inherited it from his parents after their deaths, and if history had repeated itself, he'd have had no intention of doing so this time round.

What made Eileen upset, despite all of her newfound good fortunes and hopes, was that Severus was so overwhelmed with the return of his memories and the pains of losing a girl he had seemingly never knew or met yet, was too much for him to bear. His solitude was to be expected, but Eileen was hoping that Severus would try and connect with Lily by now. After all, that was why he chose to come back, and it was also her own chance for redemption, after her death and leaving Severus alone for his tortured life, let alone showing him no love or emotion or comfort in his childhood years due to her own torture and depression at her wretched husband's hands.

And, to put it in Eileen's internal words, she was buggered if she was going to let her son down twice over.

Eileen went upstairs to Severus' room with a lunch of spaghetti and pork sausages for him, entered without knocking and set the meal at the end of the bed he was laid on.

She sat by his side and stroked the long, greasy hair from his face.

"Severus…it's time for you to go and see Lily Evans."

"No." said Severus simply.

"What? Why? It's what you came back for." said Eileen dubiously.

"I know…but…it's wrong." said Severus with a tone of great pain at his own words.

"What is?"

"Her soulmate is clearly Potter." said Severus, his face scrunching with internal misery. "I would be stealing her away, just like he did. I will not be like Potter."

"But she already has Potter in Heaven." replied Eileen, starting to stress out that her son was willing to throw away the reason he had returned to the woes of mortal life, that could easily bring fresh pain to his already tortured, immortal soul. "In this universe, you can be her soulmate."

Severus listened, but found it so difficult to believe his mother. He remembered vividly about certain negative things about Lily Evans of old. That version of the love of his life had clearly shown him that she would never love him romantically, even looked down upon him. He remembered what he had seen that had made him truly lose his temper and resulted in destroying their friendship in his last life. It wasn't Potter's torturing and humiliating him, it wasn't even the taunts of all their peers and clear joy at his pain and misery; it was the expression, that little spasm of enjoyment on Lily's face when his grubby underpants were shown off by Potter. That was made him snap; the fact that his best friend showed the same joy as Potter and all the others did at his suffering…that split second of betrayal sparked his own, and yet he always blamed himself, because what he had done to retaliate was, to him and clearly to Lily, much, much worse.

Then there was the matter of what Lily had said to him in Heaven, that even if he hadn't called her that foul name, she still would have chosen James Potter over him, due to his maturity in their last years at Hogwarts. But that seemed to well Severus up with fury. Had Lily not known after her death that James still attacked him behind her back when they were dating? Had she not seen how devastated he was when they dated and James lied to her so many times about changing his ways? Had she not shown or felt disgust when she realized James had lied to her – that the basis of their relationship was a lie?

And yet she still loved him.

That was more than enough evidence for Severus that Lily and Potter were fated to be together…he well and truly lied to and used her, and yet she still wanted to spend eternity with him. There was no room in her heart for Severus. She completely friend-zoned him. Why should this Lily be any different?

Severus' mind was so overwhelmed. He was physically and still, to a lesser extent, mentally nine-years-old. He couldn't handle all this information, all this misery, all this pain…and without a response to his mother, he passed out, pale and drained.

After ensuring her son didn't just die on her, Eileen kissed his head and tucked him into his snug, clean, new sheets and closed the door gently behind her.

********

Another week passed by.

Severus was still scared of what the future held in store. But he had eventually come out of his bedroom and spent more time with his mother again. Eileen was delighted at this piece of progress, but she needed to get Severus to meet Lily again.

But it seemed that she had no need to do that.

Severus suddenly spoke to her after their morning's porridge.

"Mum." he said timidly.

"Yes, Severus, dear?" she replied.

"I…I think I…I want to see her. If not for her love and friendship…then to help protect her in the future…make sure my past mistakes are never made again." he said with constant hesitation.

Eileen smiled and embraced him lovingly.

"I'm glad you came to that conclusion, darling." she said happily, kissing his head.

The Severus Snape of old would hate such displays of affection, but at this young age and finally having his mother's love again was simply too much for him to resist.

"Go on ahead, darling." she said. "I know you won't go to her door, but she will very likely show up at that playground sooner or later. Be back for lunch though."

Severus felt rushed, but knew his mother was right. No time like the present, and deep down, he couldn't wait to see the new Lily and his new hopes either. So, with slightly risen spirits, he pushed out the door and paced swiftly to the playground. It was 9am and he was sure that Petunia, prompt and young as she was, would want to go on the slide and swings before other kids came around to crowd up the park attractions.

Severus sat on the swings and waited patiently. He didn't have to wait long.

Half an hour later, he heard the giggling of two girls in the distance. Looking up, he saw Lily and Petunia Evans racing to the park, neither aware of Severus' presence, but this time, Severus was not taking cover. He needed to brave this time around. He had to face Lily this time.

When the sisters rushed in the gate, they heard the swing squeak as Severus gently swung by his feet. They looked, registered who he was, and both of their happy expressions fell.

Lily looked concerned. Petunia looked frightened.

"You're that boy who fainted?" asked Lily.

Severus didn't answer verbally. He just nodded slightly, his courage starting to fail him.

"You didn't show much gratitude for us trying to help you." sniffed Petunia contemptuously.

"I'm sorry." burst out Severus. He was partly sorry for the lack of gratitude and partly sorry for what he was due to divulge to them, and the bitterness it would inevitably cause for Petunia.

"Forgiven…I suppose." she said coldly.

"Tuney, don't be mean." said Lily, taking the swing next to Severus. "Haven't seen you around in nearly two weeks. Do you feel better now?"

"Yes." Severus lied with a nervous pitch.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, but…I need to tell you something. And I know you won't believe me, neither of you." he said, trying his best to not be seen as a freaky, disturbed and rude kid to them this time around.

"What is it?" asked Lily, sounding concerned.

"Have you two ever noticed that one of you can do things others can't?" he asked, trying to guide them to the likelihood of the truth he was about to divulge.

"Well, yes. I can make things move across a room to me…and I can sprout flowers from my hand…and fly off this swing safely." said Lily. "But I always have been able to do that."

Petunia looked disdainful at this, which to Severus' surprise made him feel pity for her.

"Well, there is a reason, and I don't think your sister will like it, and for that, I'm…sorry." said Severus, more and more surprised by himself.

Petunia and Lily looked at each other. Petunia showed beyond all doubt in her dubious expression that this greasy, poorly dressed boy was off his rocker. But Lily looked more inquisitive, but also apprehensive at the impossible foreshadowing of her sister not being happy about something concerning her.

"Well, what is it?" asked Lily gently.

Severus took a deep breath, and looking down on the ground spoke. "You can make things fly to you, fly off a swing without harm and grow flowers by hand…because…you are a witch."

Meanwhile, far away in Heaven, James and Lily Potter looked down on Severus as his new life took its turn. They were sure that if anything broke the mental lock in Severus' memories, it would be seeing this alternate Lily's face. And they were proven correct as Lily's friend was overwhelmed and he showed such despair at such a young-looking age. Then on top of that, unforeseen by them, was the return of his grandparents into his new life; a privilege he did not receive in his past life.

But it was what was in Severus' mind in the past weeks that deeply upset Lily. She recalled his thoughts of how he felt when she slipped out of the defensive, best of friends role into that of the ever so slight, but there nonetheless, mean and relishing traitor who showed enjoyment in the torment that he had endured on that fatal day when all his sufferings concerning Lily herself began.

She saw the despair that he felt at that spasm of treachery, just as strongly as she had felt at his own when he dubbed her Mudblood. She observed the nightmares the boy had only three nights ago of how he had been tricked by Black into being confronted and nearly killed by a werewolf Lupin, if not for James' interference. But then she had seen the memory of how Severus observed James and Black laughing about the incident. How Black had been so lucky and blessed to have gotten away with it, barely punished. How James was such a hero for saving the sneaky Slytherin Snivellus. How they laughed at how Dumbledore warned Severus to keep schtum about Remus' condition or face severe consequences, all while they were praised and only slightly frowned upon in return.

She had been unaware of all of this. She only heard that James saved Severus from some monster or other in the Whomping Willow's tunnel. But she had never known that it was Black's doing, the threat of Lupin, albeit not within Lupin's own control, and James' own sense of foreboding, not for Severus, but for his two friends that the whole incident came together and to pass. She did not know that Black tried to kill Severus, nor that James only saved him to save Black and Lupin from the terrible consequences that would follow. Even Severus never told her the truth, partly out of shame of being in James' debt, and partly because he knew that if he did tell her and the news got out, he would be punished or expelled by Dumbledore instantly. And she didn't know that Severus was still bullied by James and Black, even after the former promised when they began dating that he would stop his bullying ways towards everyone. He clearly didn't include Severus as everyone.

She didn't know…until the night she died.

At that moment, all the things James hid from her, the lies he told, the actions he committed behind her back were all exposed.

She had been furious back then, but she had more pressing matters to be concerned with, such as being dead, and the fact that her son was orphaned and destined for more pain and horror in the future she could not help him in.

Eventually, she had confronted James for his lies. He persuaded her to dismiss it for now, due to Harry being carted off to the Dursleys…to Petunia. Lily's indignance and sorrow at what her sister had become through her bitterness towards the Wizarding World had overshadowed her disdain for James' betrayal at that point, especially when she oversaw just how cruelly her sister treated her son.

But it always plagued her mind whenever she saw Severus, and on more than one occasion planned to truly confront her husband about how he went behind her back to taunt Severus and never told her the truth about what he and Black had done to him that night. But then she saw how Severus himself became a bully himself, using Harry's similar appearance to James as an excuse to hate and humiliate him, classing him on the same level as Petunia.

It hurt Lily to watch her former best friend abuse her son mentally, but also could not blame him entirely, but she could blame James for lying to her and for deceiving her. She sometimes felt that their whole relationship was based on lies, that Harry's birth was based on lies…and with that thought in mind, she now at this moment turned on James with severity.

"James." she said coldly. "It's high time we talk of the lies and cruelty you used to win me over."

"Lily, must we now? Severus has his second chance…we need not dwell on the past." he said meekly.

"Oh, but we do." said Lily, colder as ever. "I have avoided this with you for twenty-five years. It is time."

"But…what good will it do?" asked James piteously. "You chose me over him. You knew of my lies and what I kept from you beforehand when you told him you would still have chosen me if he hadn't called you that name. Why risk it all now?"

"Because you should have kept your promises!" cried Lily. "You should have told me the truth about that night in the Shrieking Shack. You should have been a husband and boyfriend of honesty and loyalty and true love. If you truly love me, James, and loved me in life…why? Why did you lie to and betray me, just as Severus and I did to each other?!"

"Because...I still feared him getting you into his good books again."

Lily could see that this was very difficult for James, usually so confident and suave, to admit. He looked positively distressed at this weakness he had bared in life, that led to him betraying everything that their relationship and marriage stood for.

"I cannot excuse what Sirius did to Severus." continued James, getting to his main point slowly. "Even I knew that Sirius went too far. I saved Severus, and yes, I admit that I didn't do so to protect him, as much as protect Sirius from expulsion and Remus from exposure and likely Azkaban or euthanasia by the Department of Control of Magical Creatures. But I did berate Sirius at first, Lily, I swear…but we were young, stupid and on top of the world, especially when Albus overlooked Sirius' mistake with my swift actions. I am sorry for what the experience did to Severus now, too late, I know, but I am so sorry."

Lily was silent, waiting for the rest.

"And…I betrayed your trust and continued to harass Severus because…as I say, I feared you going back to being friends, and then he would have a chance to win your heart instead of me. Oh, I didn't know he loved you, but I still feared that you did, and frankly, how could he resist you, Muggle born or not? Sirius and I continued to attack him as a warning to steer well clear of you, and to emphasise that you were my girlfriend. I was weak, pathetic and so afraid of losing you, that I lied to you to keep you with me, and never showed any regret for how I treated your best friend until it was too late…and again, I truly am so, so sorry." He broke into genuine sobs.

Lily could see clearly that her husband's remorse was strong, not simply for bullying Severus, but also for tearing the basis of trust in his and Lily's relationship to shreds.

"I can't say I'm pleased about all this, James." Lily said at last, her severe tone still intact, although her heart broke for James' insecurity.

"If you always felt this badly about all this, for which I do not blame you for…" he added hastily, "…why did you tell Severus with such…finality…that you would always have chosen me over him? You knew what I did…so why?"

Lily frowned in shame at the remembrance of letting down the man who loved almost as much, if not more than James did, so devastatingly after he literally gave his life to make her proud and forgiving. She did forgive him, but…

"Because I did not love him that way." she said mournfully. "I am still so sad that I had to be honest about that to him, he gave up so much for me, he lost everything along with me, and I am praying to the Higher Ones every single day, that he finally gets the love and happiness he deserves in this new universe and life."

"But why me?" asked James, unable to keep quiet. "You said that you would always still have chosen me."

"Because…although my love for the teenage you, who lied to me and went behind my back has been quite obliterated…I still love the man who never lied to me afterwards. The man who defended me to my sister's filthy fiancé, the man who married me, the man who conceived Harry with me…the man who died to give Harry and I a chance. I love that James Potter."

James was lost for words. Lily may not have been particularly forgiving in life, but that lacking quality was clearly granted to her in Heaven. She had forgiven both Severus and himself for their sins, and he hoped that his sins would be atoned, not just in Lily's eyes, but in Severus' too one day. He knew that Severus still hated him deeply, and he couldn't blame him in the slightest.

Even Sirius and Remus saw him as the hero he was now. And they too only wished him peace and happiness this time. But James and Lily knew that Severus still had some time to go before he fully achieved this. After all, he was only nine now…and one day, he will have to face Lord Voldemort once more.

Well that was painful to write, the latter half anyway. Chapter 4 coming soon! Hope you all approve of this chapter!