A/N: Hello all! Thank you to all who private messaged or emailed me regarding HSW and also to those who left reviews. Your reviews and kind encouraging words are what motivates me to pick up writing again. So thank you very much! It means the world to me, truly.
Thank you to my dear beta-reader: Names are for Friends
Humanity's Strongest Woman by xDollfie
Chapter 25 — Take Me Home
Year 848 — Underground City
Perhaps one of the most beautiful things in life was death, Ida thought. It was the final ending of life, a stamp that warrants every living creature immobile. There was something so fatal about that word, yet the finality of it was so beautiful. One couldn't blame her for such a thought considering the place she called home was a wretched Underground City stinking of deceit, death, and destruction.
This was the city that Ida Starke called home, but to her, home was just an abstract idea. Her real home was probably reduced to nothing but rubble now.
Has it really been three years since Wall Maria had fallen? Now that she thought about it, it was winter wasn't it? Soon it will be four years. How time passes so quickly.
Ida laid awake in her bed thinking back to how much she had accomplished and survived over the years, against all odds: a roof over her head, a full belly, and a warm feather bed. Frankly, it was all she could ever dream of three years ago when the Wall fell and she had nothing.
How lucky.
How unlucky.
Her hand curled under her pillow when the thought came to her that it was not entirely impossible to leave the Underground City and purchase a ticket and citizenship to the world above. Back when she was younger, it was her lifelong dream to one day find her family, now her only family left — her father, the oh-so-great commander of the Survey Corps Erwin Smith.
How she had wondered how he looked. Her mother described him as fair and strikingly handsome. But then again, Ida had never seen him and seeing as she was an exact photocopy of her mother, it was hard to imagine how he looked.
Many times Ida had thought to travel back to the world above, where sunray shone and the air was fresh and crisp — the nostalgic memory was still so palpable in her mind. But as quickly as that thought hit her, it dissipated when she thought of all she would have to leave behind if she left.
"Ida…" she heard a rough voice call and a pair of warm hands snake up her belly. "Are you awake?"
She rolled over a smile on her face. "Yes, I'm awake Seth. Why don't you get more sleep?"
Seth squinted his eyes and used his elbows to push himself off the bed. He ran a hair through his brown hair and studied the bags under her eyes. "You look like death — like you didn't catch a wink of sleep the entire night. What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Ida stated bluntly, but upon seeing the look of skepticism on his face she sighed. "It's nothing," she reaffirmed, turning away from him. "I just had a lot of think about."
"Are you thinking of leaving again?" she heard Seth said resoundingly after a long pause. Upon hearing that, Ida turned back to him. One look at her face and he knew he had hit the nail right at the hammer. "Ida, if you want to go—"
"I don't want to leave." Ida interrupted harshly, getting off the bed. It was the same conversation over again, she knew Seth would convince her to stay, as he always did.
Once, she had shared with him her undying curious desire to see her birth father just once. She wanted to meet the man whom her noble mother threw away everything for, the man who abandoned his only daughter for humanity.
'Why would you even waste your breath on a man who abandoned you?' Seth would only whisper venomously every time in response, and those words would haunt her every time because she knew that he spoke the bitter truth.
Although, seeing Erwin Smith in the flesh was more of an excuse more than anything else. Deep down, Ida despised the Underground city with a passion and wished to live above again. Though she could never fathom why Seth wanted to stay in this rat-hole of a decaying city, Ida never really found it in her heart to leave.
Especially not now when she had people she cared about here as well.
"This… is my home now," Ida reaffirmed in a deep voice, but she couldn't look him in the eye. "Our home."
Suddenly, hurried footsteps echoed through the thin walls and the door slammed open. A small boy of ten stood up the door, trying to steady his ragged breath. Tears crept into his brown eyes when he saw his foster family, feeling a sense of relief that they weren't out working the entire night again.
"Ida! Seth! L — Lucas! He's—" The small boy managed to croak out before bursting out in tears.
Ida immediately threw a terrified look at Seth before sprinting out of the room. She could hear Seth follow suit, but he stopped to comfort the crying Marcel. Reaching the last room in the hallway, she ran in and spotted Lucas panting on the ground, clutching his legs in pain.
"Lucas!" Ida cried, quickly moving towards him and cradling him in her arms. "Is it your legs again? What's wrong?"
"Ida… I'm sorry…" he whispered, struggling with every word. He lacked the strength to even speak. A dull ache had settled into his left leg, rendering him paralyzed.
She could feel her heart tighten as she hurriedly carried him to the bed. Ida reached to the bedside table and took out a few pills. She grabbed the jug of water and poured a glass before bringing the items to the boy, placing the pills tenderly in his mouth before pushing the glass of water to his lips.
Even with the medicine, Ida knew it was rather futile. Being born into a world with little sunlight, both brothers grew up with malformed bones and teeth, making life unbearably painful at times. Even walking was a huge burden to them, and though medicine could help suppress that, it was expensive. Extremely expensive.
In the Underground where resources are scarce and people fight to the death over a single loaf of bread, medicine was more of a luxury only the rich could afford. Even with the salary of two skilled mercenaries, Ida could hardly save up for tickets and documents to live in the world above with a pile of medical bills every month.
Ida pulled the blanket over the small boy's deformed legs, forcibly swallowing a lump that had formed in her throat. "You will get better," she said soothingly, stroking his hair. "I promise. Soon we'll we able to go up there, all four of us."
"To the Walls?" Lucas inquired excitedly, a slight glint in his eyes. "I heard there are birds and a big blue wall that people call the sky! And there's also this thing called the sun! Sometimes, the sky even cries and the people up there call it rain!"
"Yes sweet boy," she whispered, saddened that the only thing a seven-year-old boy knew about the world was from the stories he heard from merchants. "Now, get some sleep and rest. I'll bring you something to eat later."
Smiling, she kissed the boy on the forehead and bid him goodnight. Closing the door behind her, she pressed her back to the door and finally a loud sigh she had been withholding to escape her lips.
"Ida?"
"Oh!" Ida jumped, startled. She thought she was alone in the hallways. Nervously, she tucked her long red hair behind her ear and squatted down until she was at eye level with Marcel. She smiled sweetly at him.
"Everything's fine now," she grabbed his tiny frail hands and swallowed another lump lodged in her throat when she felt even his fingers were slightly deformed due to the lack of sunlight. "Your brother is going to be fine."
"He was screaming and crying..." The boy only stated in a monotone, his eyes hollow. "He's going to die, isn't he Ida?"
"What? No!" Ida instantly denied it, aghast by what he was saying. "Remember the promise I made when we first met? I'd take care of you."
"It's too late," Marcel replied evenly, biting on his lips. "You should have left us out there to die."
Ida's blood froze at his haunting words, but before she could say anything else Marcel took his hands away from hers and silently went into the room he shared with his younger brother.
With a loud defeated sigh, Ida slowly stood up. She tried to stop her fingers from shivering by tightly grasping her hands together, but it was futile — the effects of Marcel's words had hit her hard and she was having a physical reaction.
"He's young and he has seen so much," she heard Seth's voice before she realized he was walking towards her. He was already dressed fully in gear, ready for head out for work. "He doesn't mean that."
"Of course he does," Ida replied tersely, looking away. "Marcel is so much more mature than he looks. You knew that from the very day I brought him home."
"No one is going to die," Seth stated firmly. "However..." he dug into his jacket and pulled out a document, ushering it out to her. "Take this."
Curious, Ida snatched the documents from him with an irritable frown. "This is…" she gasped when she saw the contents. She stared at him in complete incredulity, not believing what she was seeing.
Her name was written on the documents, albeit a fake name: Ida Kurgean.
"A ticket and document detailing you as a citizen. This will give you access to stay within the Walls," Seth confirmed with a sheepish smile. "Go there."
It didn't take long for Ida to snap out of her paralyzed state. "And what about you?! And Lucas?! And Marcel?!" She screamed at him, pushing the documents to his chest and storming away. She could feel Seth trailing after her, but she continued on with her belligerent rant. "We don't have enough gold to buy four passes! You know that!"
"We will join you later," Seth rebuffed calmly. "I'd stay here and continue to find work."
"We saved up for almost a year, Seth!" she violently pivoted around, stopping him. She snapped at him mercilessly, "A year! For just one ticket and a document! It will take three more years with both our income combined! And how many people did you have to bribe to get those papers?!"
"I did it for you!" Seth argued back, clenching his jaw. "You never wanted to stay here anyway."
"I do now!" Ida could feel her anger boil like bile creeping up the back of her throat. It was so repulsive she almost felt like throwing up. "Marcel and Lucas need to live up there more than anyone! Didn't you see what just happened? Don't you know about the horrible effects of being deprived of sunlight for extended periods of time?!"
"And what?" Seth scowled, determined to stand his ground. "Let a child live up there alone?"
A vein seemed to bulge in Ida's temple as she shook Seth roughly. "We could find someone to look after Lucas — he needs treatment the most! Air, sun, somewhere where disease isn't pungent in the fucking air! We can send them gold for his expenses every month."
"Let someone take in a sick orphaned child from the Underground City whose mother was a whore and was stoned to death? I'm sorry Ida, but where on earth will we such find such saintly people?" Seth reminded her unyieldingly, his brown eyes hardening considerably.
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair when he realized Ida would not relent. "Ida, you lived up there once. Those bastards there aren't far off from the people down here. With the famine and lack of land ever since Wall Maria fell, the situation up there doesn't look so good either."
Though the redhead knew he was right, she couldn't help but retaliate. "You were so adamant before I even took in the kids that the best place for me is here! In this god-forsaken wretched city! You said that I was a fighter and that I would thrive in here; that there was nothing up there for me! Why the sudden change?!"
She lunged forward and snatched the papers from him, pointing to the name written on the document. "And what the fuck is this? Ida Kurgean? What the hell are you trying to achieve by writing a fake name for me?" she demanded, throwing the paper back his face.
He caught the documents before it hit him. "Would having a last name of Starke serve you any better? You should've changed it long ago," he growled, the papers crinkling under his rigid grasp. "Isn't that why you never revealed your last name unless to people you trust?"
"That is not for you to decide, Seth," she rebuffed hotly, her green eyes ablaze from rage. "I will not change my name, and why would I even have to?"
"Ida!" Seth grabbed onto her wrist when he saw that she was about to storm off.
"What!" she struggled against him, roughly shoving his grip off her.
"This is what is best for you!" Seth's screams rivaled her protests and overpowered it, drowning it out. He held onto her shoulders. "Please, just trust me and do as I say. Live a simple life however you desire — but cut off everything from the past. Change your last name and live a peaceful life."
Unable to control her temper anymore, she yanked the papers from him and ripped it into halves and then quarters before Seth could even stop her. "I will live and die with my mother's name, Seth! And you've gone too damn far this time. This is my home, and I will not leave! Not without you, or the kids!"
Knocking her shoulders with his when she stormed past him, she slammed the door to her room shut, leaving Seth paralyzed in the same spot that she had left him. He found himself staring at the torn-up papers on the ground and gritted his teeth.
Crouching over, he gingerly picked up the torn pieces and crushed it between his fists.
It was the last chance he had — to tell her the truth, to keep her safe, to protect her.
It was all over now.
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
"In formation! We ride to Reiss Chapel!" Erwin shouted across the courtyard, watching impassively with an air of superiority and confidence as his large legion scrambled to heed his orders.
Dot Pixis came behind him, his eyes calmly gazing over the chaotic yet organized scene around him. "Word on Levi's squad?" he prompted.
"They're near the Capital and have been dispatched to Reiss Chapel; we'll provide the backup if necessary," Erwin explained quickly, not even sparing a glance at him as he walked towards the stables to retrieve his horse. "It's likely that Eren and Historia are being kept there."
Pixis trailed him, "Would you be able to get there on time? From what I heard their group only consists of eight, save Eren and Historia — seven now since your daughter isn't with them…"
"Their job is to stall whatever Reiss is planning for Eren and Historia," Erwin countered unyielding, knowing that Pixis was implying the odds were not in their favor. "Causalities are expected."
"What about Ida Starke? Any word of the Starkes' movements?" he asked, raising a brow.
"None, it appears Ida's plan had failed," the blonde replied monotonously. "She was supposed to extract whatever information the Starkes had on the Titans and their relationship with the monarchy — however, judging from our own investigation, it appears that the Starke family indeed does have a relationship with the royal house. That part is clear and that is all we need to know for now."
"And Levi's squad has already been informed of this?"
Erwin nodded briskly. "Hanji has already relayed this message to them." He reached the stables and a scout hastily handed him his horse. "For now, our priority is retrieving Eren and the Historia and put a stop to whatever plans monarchy has for them."
Pixis considered his words briefly. "What about the Starkes? Surely judging from their close relationship with Reiss family, it's certain that they do have a part to play with the Titans in the walls and humanity's true history," he pointed out sharply, rubbing his chin in contemplation.
Erwin bit back a sigh, "As I've said earlier, that was Ida's job — she was a member of the Starke family and seeing how Lord Jaron had been dying to get her hands on her, she was the only suitable candidate to go undercover. But that plan failed. Ida has yet to be heard from since her first report. It's clear something had happened to her."
"So, you plan to just leave them be for now?" Pixis commented disapprovingly, brows furrowing in confusion. "There's a possibility that they'd even be a bigger threat than the Reiss family, Erwin."
"I know that, Pixis. But as for now, we have to retrieve Eren and Historia," Erwin reiterated, holding his gaze firmly. "Even if we do capture all of the Starkes — what makes you say that they'd talk? None of the nobles are talking, even under Darius's torture. Ida is the only one who could obtain whatever information they know since she's a member of that family. And the same goes for Historia."
"And Ida's plans had failed, had they not?" he retorted smartly. "What's going to happen to her then?"
Erwin kept silent and mounted on his horse efficiently — the loss of his right arm had been a devastating blow, but thankfully it hadn't been much of a hindrance to him and he was able to adapt quickly. Though the thought of never being able to properly wield the 3DMG again left him feeling despondent, he tried not to think of it.
"I will think of something later," Erwin said impassively.
"Well, it appears blood must spill within these walls again…" Pixis hummed, shaking his head at that troubling thought. "In the meantime, on the topic of Darius Zackly, he's having one swell time torturing those nobles we have captured."
"Let him do as he please," Erwin spoke evenly. "If any of them speaks of any information about the Reiss or Starke family — dispatch a rider with the report to me instantly. Any information could be crucial to our success."
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
Hollow. Unbearably hollow.
That was what the state his heart was ever since he had made a decision to save Eren and Historia instead of Ida. Though he knew it was his duty, he couldn't help but feel like he had done something terrible. It was undeniably selfish of him, but shamelessly, he wanted to go to Ida's aid instead.
However, Eren was mankind's last hope — he had the power of the Titans — an incredible power that everyone seemed to be getting their hands on. Though the legion wasn't sure what the true power was that resides in Eren's Titan form, it was clear to them that under any circumstances, that power cannot fall back into monarchy's hands.
The same goes for Historia Reiss as well. She was a princess — a daughter of the royal Reiss family who possessed the knowledge of the true history behind the Titans and held critical information about Eren's power.
If those two were to fall, then all would have been lost and all the sacrifices they had made were to be in vain. Monarchy would have won and mankind would have to suffer another devastating loss.
To put it in simpler terms (much to his discontent), Eren and Historia were far more important to humanity compared to Ida Starke.
And how much he detested that fact and hated it with a passion. Levi supposed he should be accustomed to it by now — it had always been like this. The value of someone's life relies on how much they mattered to mankind's success in obtaining liberation from the Titans.
Ida Starke was just another insignificant being in this war.
But he wasn't to her; Ida wasn't just another insignificant being — she mattered to him. As much as Levi wouldn't admit it verbally, Ida's survival meant something to him. And not being able to do anything was slowly killing him inside.
Yes, Ida was a Starke — a powerful noble family under suspicion of possessing knowledge of the Titans. But that wasn't enough, it didn't warrant her as an important asset to mankind. Nothing had been confirmed of the Starke family other than the fact that they had a close relationship with the crown.
It was the information that Ida's family possess that was crucial. She, as a person, on the other hand, was insignificant. Eren and Historia however, were the true King and Queen in this bloody game of war — one who possessed an incredibly destructive power to command Titans, and another who was a queen in her own right.
The soldiers fighting this war for them were merely their knights, their bishops, and Ida was one of lower significance compared to them. In fact, she might have just been a pawn in this damn vicious war.
Under the command of Erwin Smith, she had set out on a suicidal journey as a spy for the Starke family, with plans to extract whatever information she could from them and report to them. Even up till now, Levi couldn't decide if what she did was noble or foolish.
Probably foolish.
Yes, Ida had always been a foolish brat, but one with noble actions.
After all, she, like him, had a duty to mankind. Levi scowled to himself when he thought of that, realizing just how much he hated the word 'duty'.
The word duty was like a chain bounding every soldier prisoner to their pledges they took — it restrains them from feeling anything, it prevents them from pursuing happiness, and it lowered the significance of one's life.
He barely registered the surroundings before him. His head hurt too much. His body hurt too much. Perhaps it seemed that everything hurt too much. He was so tired. He kept his eyes closed, not because he didn't want to see where he was, but because he thought it would hurt too much to open them.
"Captain" Armin sounded, noticing how Levi had been unbearably silent. "…Will Ida-san be alright?"
Levi was silently disturbed at how Armin seemed to have voiced his very thoughts and he willed to keep on the cool mask he always had on as he slowly opened his eyes.
"I don't know," he answered simply.
The squad had taken a rest outside one of the villager's house to ask for directions to the chapel and also to pick up a few necessary items for their invasion. Hanji had been tasked for that and with the squad finally being able to take a short breather and rest their horses after such a long sprint to the Reiss family's lands, the emotions they had been containing were overflowing.
"You understand what we're going to do right?" Levi started precariously, addressing his squad seated before him. His eyes darkened. "We're going to have to kill — people that is — and if any of you brats decide to act the way you did with back at the Stohess District, you'd be dead in a snap."
A tense silence spread around the squad, as each of them simultaneously downcast their gaze as they regarded his blunt words. Levi wasn't one to sugarcoat anything.
"Kenny the Ripper is one that you have to watch out for," he continued, ensuring that the scouts weren't so foolish as to attack him. "If he's around, he will be the number one obstacle. I'd try to hold him off, the priority of our mission is to retrieve Eren and Historia — at all costs."
"The man who attacked you back at Stohess?" Connie questioned, swallowing a lump of fear.
"Yes, that's the shitty bastard. In terms of the threat that he possesses… think as if I were the enemy." Levi paused and corrected himself. "No, with that weaponry he's more dangerous than I am to some extent."
"Then… it's impossible for us," Sasha added dejectedly, her eyes wide with fear.
Connie sighed loudly, "Waiting to rejoin the army is…"
"Impossible," Mikasa finished for him, already knowing what he was going to say — high chance was, they'd all be dead before Erwin's army could arrive with backup.
"Yes! It's impossible!" Connie agreed with her tersely. "But if we wait until morning, then Eren might get eaten!"
"But from what Captain said, it doesn't seem like he has no weaknesses either…" Armin pointed out, hoping that it'd boost the morale of his classmates.
"Are you serious, Armin?" Jean asked bitterly, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer or not.
"Armin's right. Even if they had training, their real battle experiences didn't start until yesterday. We might have a chance," Hanji came strolling over, overhearing a small part of their conversations.
She turned her attention to the Captain of the squad. "But, Levi... Even though you two lived together, you've no information about Kenny the Ripper… What's with that?"
"My bad," Levi grimaced, cursing at how helpless they were. "Ackerman, was he a relative of yours?"
Mikasa thought over it for a brief moment, before shaking her head. "According to my parents when they were alive — father's Ackerman family had been persecuted in the cities. My mother was Asian. Her family lost its place in the cities too because of their race. The two of them were pursued deep into mountains at the edge of the walls. They met and married then. But even father had no idea why the Ackermans were persecuted, I didn't see any racial distinguishing features like my mother had in him."
Levi accepted her explanation without so much of her protest. Ackerman, he repeated in his head like it was a curse — it was the last name that he took after Kenny. But now that he thought about it, Mikasa was exceptionally strong, almost as strong as him. The moment this realization is met, Levi was thrown back to reality.
"You…" he narrowed his eyes, catching her unwavering attention. "Have you ever experienced a moment where it was like a power had awakened inside you?"
The expression on her face spoke volumes at his question and it was enough to validate his theories. Perhaps someway, somehow, all three of them were related after all. He nodded tersely, "Kenny also had a moment like that, it was as if some stupendous power welled inside his body and he suddenly knew what to do. I had a moment like that as well."
"Was it because of similar bloodlines?" Armin wondered out loud, his eyes opening wide. "…I wonder if Ida-san had a moment like that as well…"
"Armin?" Hanji was confused, wasn't it the Ackermans that they were talking about? Why the sudden mention of Ida?
Armin chewed on his lower lip. "If you look at it this way — all three of them are prodigies, their power is immeasurable. And from what I have seen, Ida-san had an incredible amount of power. She had risen in ranks just one year after she enlisted with no prior battle experience with Titans. Most people might say that an accomplishment like that is…"
"Impossible?" Hanji finished for him.
Armin nodded his head tentatively, "Yes, impossible. So, I was wondering if Ida-san had the same power as well."
Levi scoffed as he considered Armin's words. It wasn't possible, Ida was a Starke, and he an Ackerman. He was so sure Kenny was related to him some way or another, after all, it was just odd that someone as vile as Kenny would take in an orphan child out of the goodness of his heart. For as long as he remembered, this trait of 'awakening' only existed within those of Ackerman bloodline.
But even he couldn't deny that her power was uncanny.
His mind flashed back to the time when Ida told him of how she stabbed someone to death — the first man she killed after the Wall fell. How she repeatedly stabbed him over and over again, as though she had lost herself.
It can't be.
"That's an interesting theory, Armin." Hanji smiled at the younger boy softly. "But if what you said was true, and that the two families were indeed similar, then why weren't the Starkes persecuted like the Ackermans were? Based on what you said, I would summarise that the Ackermans were prosecuted because of this 'power' that Levi was speaking of."
"Assuming that they were close to the crown as we had suspected — no, judging from the information that we have obtained — it is quite clear that the Starkes have a relationship with the crown. The Starkes is a noble household, but Ackermans is just a normal citizens' name... so why was it only the Ackermans that were persecuted?"
Hanji immediately caught onto what he was trying to say and she snapped her fingers, "They were loyal to the crown, while the Ackermans were not?"
"Yes, that what I was thinking," Armin stated rigidly, but then he faltered. "But I don't know, really. We are talking hypothetically here."
"Either way, we have to do as we as are commanded," Levi stood up, appraising the rest of his squad with a frown. "We can sit here and think through this the whole damn day and it'd get us nowhere."
He sauntered off the carriage and motioned for the Squad leader to follow him. "Hanji."
"Levi?" she trailed him speculatively.
"I…" he started, his expression flickering from distaste to perplexity. "I have a suspicion that she'd be there."
"She?" Hanji echoed. "Ida?"
"Yes, and if it ever comes to that shitty scenario…" Levi started, steel threading in the undercurrent of his voice. "I'll kill that damn brat myself."
Hanji was horrified and immediately launched into a protest, "What about the rest of them? If they have any theories — you should voice it out, better your squad be prepared than disorientated when that happens."
Levi shut her up with a formidable glower. "You think letting a few brats know about this would be beneficial? They'd panic. They respect her. She was one of them, she fought beside them, ate beside them. Apart from Mikasa, can you seriously tell me who else would have the stomach or the necessary skills to kill her?"
She frowned deeply at his remark. "…But I don't think she'd ever draw a sword on one of her comrades. You know her."
"She drew a damn sword to her own father once."
"That's different," she argued.
"No, you don't know — the things we had to do in the fucking Underground City — she's a monster, Hanji," Levi warned her precariously. "More than anything else, if you push her to an extent, she'd show you what she is truly capable of. People like us have no qualms about killing anyone."
She stayed silent, her fist tightening into a ball. She regarded the man in front of her with a certain amount of sympathy. "And you think she's capable of killing you?"
"No, but I am." Levi reaffirmed stiffly, walking off before she could say anymore.
Hanji let him go, knowing that he needed some space for now. But she couldn't help but sigh at how stubborn Levi was with expressing what he truly felt. "Are you really capable of something like that, Levi...?"
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
Loyalty.
It was such a foreign word to her. Ida was a well-seasoned veteran when it came to feelings associated with that word. She had learned not to trust people. She had learned not to believe what others say but instead to watch what they do. She came to suspect that everyone was capable of living a lie and she wholeheartedly believed that people — even those you think that you know — are ultimately unknowable.
She had witnessed betrayal before and she knew of the heart-wrenching consequences. Perhaps this was why she could feel the bile at the back of her throat as she spoke to her newest team members.
This time, she was the betrayer.
"According to my knowledge, Captain Levi's squad consisted of seven individuals after I left them," she told them stoically, without even blinking. "But I don't know if that number had increased since I'd left. It's highly likely that Commander Erwin would be sending backup, but knowing Levi, we should assume that he'd move even without the backup from the main legion in order to secure Eren and Historia first. If they do arrive here before Erwin does, we need to stop them before their backup arrives and make use of our numbers."
"And why should the Anti-Personnel Control Squad trust you with this information?" A young woman who Ida heard Kenny calling Traute Carven spoke. Her voice was calm but her posture was full of hostility. "You were one of them."
"Were." The redhead stressed, green eyes ablaze. "And now I'm one of you and I'd prefer not to get my ass handed over. So, I believe it is to your benefit, as it is to mine to listen."
Ida glared at all the members, her eyes conveying an underlying threat to whoever dared to challenge her again. "Most of them are inexperienced recruits but Levi and Mikasa Ackerman would be an obstacle — they are worth a whole platoon of soldiers in their own right. Those two would be the hardest opponent, if we take them down their whole squad falls apart."
"Ackermans..." Traute repeated in an echo. "Levi I understand — Kenny had already brief us on this. But how would we know which is Mikasa Ackerman? Is she as good as Levi?"
"She's a prodigy and you would do damn well not to underestimate her," Ida informed her evenly through clenched teeth. "She's an Asian; short black hair and black eyes. Her features are distinguishable."
"Asian?" The blonde muttered, tensing up. "She's both Asian and Ackerman?"
"It appears so," Ida observed Traute: wide eyes, straightened back, clenched fist. It all pointed to one thing; she was nervous about this development. "Why?"
"..." Traute kept her silence and Ida followed her trail of gaze, landing on Seth. She watched as he subtly nodded his head when he made eye contact with Traute.
Seeing this, Ida smirked in amusement.
Asian as well huh, the redhead concluded. As much as she hated being kept in the dark, Ida knew for certain that there was something fishy about the bloodlines of Ackerman and Asians. What it was exactly, she didn't know.
But if the name Ackerman itself would send Jaron scrambling and immediately ordering their execution, then they certainly had a role to play in the war that is silently simmering in the background.
"We'd have to take her down," Traute stated rigidly, nodding to the rest of her team. "From what Ida said, she's already awakened, take note of that if you come across her."
Awakening? she zeroed in on those words, frowning. What did she mean by that?
With a stiff gesture, the rest of the team moved with Traute, leaving only Ida and Seth behind.
The silence enveloped in the space between and the only thing he could do was to lock eyes with her. Ida was staring at him with those solemn emerald eyes, that same indecipherable look on her face that he hated so much. She made no move to him, and he made no move to her — what else was there to say between them?
The look that she gave him wasn't like she hated him as he had expected though. There was no malice, no hostility, not even anger.
Her eyes were just haunted and hollow.
Then she spoke, her voice as cool as steel. It sent a shiver down his spine. "Do you have any idea what made the Ackermans so special that I'd been tasked to kill them?"
His voice came to him like a foreign invader. "I'm not certain, but I have a hunch…"
She appraised him with lifeless eyes. "Are you forbidden from telling me the reason why I should kill my comrades as well?"
Immediately, Seth's expression contorted, and he took two big steps towards her. "...The true king wanted to build a dream empire within these walls, and he did that by altering everyone's memories." A hang in the air before he continued, "The Ackermans and the Asians memories cannot be altered, and from what I heard the Ackermans even have a dormant power that resides within them. It is why they are so strong. Levi and Mikasa have already awakened it. I'm guessing that's why they are prosecuted even by Jaron."
Speechless. All Ida could do was stare at him incredulously for a moment, the shock written without restraint on her features. Without further warning, Seth's voice cut through the white noise of her mind with another set of information before she could process the previous one.
"We need to kill both Ackermans if you want what is best of humanity. They are dangerous Ida, they are a threat to humanity itself. If you won't do it for mankind, do it to save your mother."
Dangerous? Threat? Ackermans?
Her friends? They were a threat to humanity?
Her mind couldn't fully absorb and register everything that was happening. After being separated from her squad so suddenly, after being forced to change sides, after being brought here as though she was a human weapon and told such things, how was she able to cope with the hurricane of emotions invading her?
And yet Ida knew she couldn't stay silent, but at the same time, she couldn't find the words to speak.
So she laughed as jovially as she could. Ida laughed at the information — she chuckled at how funny it was that she was standing here with the man who betrayed her, she smiled at how hilarious it was that her mother was still alive and most importantly, she laughed at how she had to face the inevitable.
Who could she trust?
"Ida," Seth reached over and held her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "Look, our goal is just to let Rod finish this stupid ritual of this, kill those damn monsters called Ackerman, and then we can go home. It'll all be over."
She laughed even harder. "Home?" Ida wiped off a tear that was forming at the corner of her eye and her laughter immediately came to an abrupt halt. Her eyes hardened when she asked, "Where is home, Seth?"
He didn't reply.
Without another word, Ida left.
She pressed her lips together and tried to breathe in deeply, tried to keep herself from screaming and bursting into tears.
She swallowed the emotions that had appeared — swallowed the words belonging to a desperate wish that asked for salvation.
Ida tilted her head up to the dark luminous ceiling of the underground cave and tried to imagine the skies; she tried to imagine the skies that watched over them when they shared a kiss on top of the Wall. She closed her eyes for a second, and she let herself remember.
To Ida Starke, home was an abstract idea. Home was a roof above her head that sheltered her from the rain and cold, home was where she went to whenever she was tired, home was a hollow place with four walls that was simply called 'home'.
But as she allowed herself to drown in the memory… she realized home was a person.
Home was in the arms of Levi Ackerman.
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
Love without risk was an impossibility, like how war cannot be without death.
To make war but never to make love, she had told herself countless times in the past — because in war, one dies or one lives. But Ida had come to realize it was far different in love. Because as she stood still on the erected platform bound to the stone-encrusted pillars in the underground cavern beneath Reiss Chapel, watching the members of the Anti-Personnel Control Squad spring into action to take down the people she loved, Ida was neither living nor dead.
She saw them. Had Armin grown taller? Perhaps, but it hadn't been that long since she had seen him. Sasha looks well too, she was probably getting enough to eat. Her hollow eyes trailed across the vast cavern, passing by every stone-encrusted pillar, and landed on Levi.
It was hard to spot him over the thick smoke that Sasha had created when she fired an arrow stubbed with fire at a barrel filled with gunpowder, causing it to explode. But she had always fought beside him; his breaths, his thoughts, his fluid motions — Ida could remember them all. In fact, she was certain that she could even read his thoughts in battle.
At this moment, Levi Ackerman was probably counting the number of people in the cavern.
Ida wondered if he saw her as well.
She could hear loud booms of the signal flares that Armin and Sasha were firing to distract and provide cover for their squad. Then, she spotted Connie who was zipping through the air with his gears, blades in hand. In one swift motion, he cut down another of Kenny's lackeys with precision.
He's no longer that frightened boy. A small smile to grace her lips, but as soon as that smile appeared, it dissipated when she saw soldier creeping up to him while he was distracted.
"DAMN YOU!" The soldier cried with tears in his eyes, charging towards Connie in rage. Ida wanted to scream out a warning out of impulse, but before she could, a precise arrow to the charging soldier's chest beat her to it.
"Sasha!" Connie turned to look at her, knowing that she had saved him.
Armin's face was one of indescribable worry. "Connie! Stay hidden in the smoke when you fight!"
Amidst all the chaos; the screams of pain, the sounds of guns fires, and of blades cutting through flesh like butter, Ida remained eerily still on the platform, unable to move. She saw Hanji expertly maneuvering past next, and from the way she moved, Ida could discern that she had found a weakness of the anti-personnel vertical maneuvering equipment.
Although the anti-personnel vertical maneuvering equipment grants superiority compared to the Survey Corps traditional 3DMG due to its enormous range, Ida too had observed that it was a flawed design as its anchor ejector and shotgun and line of fire are fixed in the same direction, leaving user back completely out of range when they are moving. Furthermore, after two shots, time was needed to reload.
And in battle, a mere second could mean the difference between life and death.
The smoke was almost suffocating now. Ida willed herself to move, but no matter how hard she tried, the uneasiness ate away at her nerves.
So many things ran through her mind — what would they say when they see her? What would their reactions be? Would there be tears? Anger? Hatred? Disbelief?
These, along with so many other thoughts, turned over and over again in her mind. Every time she told herself that it didn't matter, that she had job to do, she was overwhelmed with a need to see them, to talk to them — regardless of their response to her.
As selfish as it sounded, this was much more for her sanity than it was for theirs.
Her fingers prickled as the sound of maneuvering gears echoed. Someone was close, she clutched onto her blades tighter. She could sense a movement amidst the smoke.
Clang!
Two blades met instantly when the man appeared from the smoke and lunged himself towards her. The sound echoed through the large cavern, reverberating. Ida could feel the apprehension in her attacker, as though he was taken aback — the Anti-Personnel Control Squad used guns, not blades.
She felt her blood run cold just as his eyes went wide. Her racing heart suddenly came to an abrupt screeching halt.
Although her hair was short now and this strange woman wasn't even facing him when she skillfully blocked his attack, the striking red color of her hair was easily recognizable.
"I — Ida-san…?"
His croaky voice rang deep into her bones, and then deeper still when the voice sunk into her with recognition. She moved her head towards him, confirming both of their suspicions.
"Hello, Jean," her voice was low but scathing.
In one swift fluid motion, she applied pressure on her blade and easily took advantage of the ashen-haired male's confusion, knocking him back with a swing of her sword that was still in contact with his.
Ida finally felt her legs move, but her mind was blank. Within seconds after Jean fell from the platform being pushed back by her attack, she shot her grapple, reeled herself in, and chased after him.
"What the—" he stopped himself when he saw a flash of red chasing after him.
The ringing in his ears seemed to have intensified — he recognized the look in her eyes. It was that confident, blank and frighteningly cold look that she always wore whenever she sparred with him. She was serious.
He held his blade out as a form of protection just as Ida's swung her sword at him. Jean could feel his blade reverberate from the impact. Strong, so strong. Again and again, Jean fled from her, unable to counterattack, only defend. To make matters worse, each time he managed to scrape by with his life, Ida came at him harder than before.
However, this was Ida Starke that wanted to end him. Surely he'd either be heavily injured or dead by now, surely he was nowhere near her in terms of battle prowess. He had watched her fight before, he had fought her hand-to-hand before, he had heard the praises that people sang about her strength — so why wasn't he dead?
Was she perhaps holding back?
"W — Wait!" Jean yelled as he shot his grapple to another stone-encrusted pillar, pulling himself in as he made a sharp turn. "W — Why are you attacking me?!"
She clenched her teeth so hard she was almost sure that her teeth broke. Accelerating, she whipped through the air as graceful as a dancing rapier, and using the back of her handles, hit him hard on the back of his neck.
Immediately, Jean lost his balance, his senses momentarily numbed from the blunt shock. Unable to regain his senses immediately — whether from the thought that Ida was actually trying to kill him or from the impact — he crashed into a pillar, still hanging from his gears.
He found the strength in him to release his grapple that was still stuck to the pillar, bracing himself for the fall.
Fortunately, he landed correctly and all his bones seem to be fine, but he couldn't say much for his disoriented state. His world was spinning. Gravity called to him soothingly and although he could feel his eyes shutting down, he fought to stay conscious.
Ida landed gracefully before the boy, trailing her eyes impassively to where he was clutching his head in pain. She was surprised that he was still conscious. Slowly, she walked to him, pointing her blade towards him.
"Get up and fight if you want to live," she told him evenly. "What have I taught you?"
Why? Jean clenched his teeth, narrowing his eyes at her. Did she seriously change sides? What happened? What made her this way? Was she with Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner too? Or perhaps she was a spy for the monarchy all this while?
"Traitor…" he could only mutter, eyes burning with a vengeance.
She couldn't help but laugh jovially when she saw the look in his shimmering teary eyes — anger, hatred, disgust — yes, she knew this would have happened eventually. But the look in his eyes brought forth a wave of nostalgia, back to when she was still living in the Underground City.
How those people looked at her; like she was so despicable, so heartless. Like she was a monster.
Jean didn't even try to understand her. Of course, why would he?
Why should anyone?
Her laughter only served to further anger and fixate the resolve of the ashen-haired male. Picking up his sword, he finally lunged it towards her neck.
In a flash, Ida had her blade up, and in one swift move that Jean couldn't even see, disarmed him. The handles of his blade flew out of his hand and landed noisily on the ground. Before he could react, Ida landed a hard kick to his stomach and Jean fell to the ground, groaning in pain.
No, no, no…
Jean struggled to get up — he still had another blade in his hand, he could still fight, he wouldn't go down like this. But Ida's boots immediately stepped on his blade, effectively disarming him as if she was reading his thoughts. Jean looked up, her blade inches away from his face.
What should he do in these final moments? Should he ask her why? Should he convince her to stop? Should he beg her to spare him for old times sake?
"I'm sorry," her voice was almost inaudible. She swung her blade, bracing her heart for what she must do. Jean closed his eyes and waited for the fatal swing to come, but it never did, only a loud crash that suddenly jerked his eyes open.
"AH!"
A sudden impact hit her, sending her crashing into one of the pillars.
The sound of the illuminating crystals cracking behind her back rang through her ears before she felt the pain. She clutched onto her stomach and made no sound. With all the strength she could muster, she straightened herself forcibly.
The impact had caused a few broken bones she was sure. But she was not just pain-tolerant or pain-resistant — she was pain-defiant.
"Ida," her attacker said her name, his gravelly voice cool and terse.
Of course, it had to be him. Who else could sneak up to her undetected and throw a kick so hard, it literally plummeted her a few good feet away?
"Levi," she croaked, trailing her eyes to meet his. She held his glare unwaveringly. He said nothing, but the emotions swarming in his eyes spoke his mind: Why are you doing this? Please, don't make me stop you. Please, stop this.
Please, come back home.
"I have to do this," her voice cracked, yet there was a certain determination behind it. "I made my choice."
Levi stood tensely a few good feet away from her, his blades still dripping with human blood. He considered her briefly and his eyes hardened significantly. A part of him wanted to ask why, but he didn't, he couldn't.
He didn't even want to know.
He felt his blood simmer and then boiled. The muscles in his hands moved, gripping the handles of his blade harder. Pain shot through him with a terrible intensity. "No regrets?" he could only utter, thankful that his voice was still calm and smooth.
He watched as she smiled brilliantly and he remembered the time where he thought her smile could even end wars. But even her smile couldn't end this battle between them. Ida slowly got into a battle posture, each delicate hand brandishing gleaming twin swords.
"No regrets..." she echoed.
Pressing down both gas triggers, she rocketed forward as did he.
In a flash, their blades met.
Ida allowed the latter part of her instinct to take over as she mentally willed her heart to shut down and wither. It was an instinct that she had long stored away, the blind instinct that only rampages for blood, the instinct that made others deem her a monster.
The instinct of a killer.
"Jean!" Connie dropped from the sky, releasing his grapples. He rushed towards the ashen-haired male, helping him to get up. "W — Was that—"
"She tried to kill me," Jean spat, using his blade as a support to get back on his feet. "She's a traitor, like Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt…"
Connie sank into shock for a moment, but the sounds of clashing blades snapped him out of his shell-shocked state. "S — Should we help Captain?"
"No. We'd be more of a hindrance to him," Jean told him sternly. Connie trailed his eyes to the battle, immediately understanding what Jean was saying. Those two were on a different level compared to them — so fast. Even he was having trouble following them.
"We need to carry on with the plan, we'll help Hanji-san," Jean pivoted away from the scene, nudging Connie out of his awe-struck stance. "Let's go."
Maneuvering through the pillars with expertise, Ida honestly felt as though she was being hunted rather than doing the hunting. Each time their blades met, her heart cried. Each time she took a glance in his eyes, she shattered. And with every time she found her resolve wavering, her sanity broke down to a whole new level.
Levi's attacks and movement were strong, sharp, and precise as expected, yet that the same time, they seemed blunt, almost as if he was fighting with worn-down blades and broken gears. However, the determination in his eyes never seemed to cease. He was blocking her attacks easily.
Why wasn't he giving it his all?
This couldn't be all that he got.
He was stronger.
He was the strongest.
Frustrated, her body moved automatically, as if it were on autopilot. Unable to contain her emotions any longer, her rage-fuelled her movements and she did a somersault in the air, sending Levi and her plummeting to the ground when her feet landed on his back.
Releasing the grapple stuck to one of the stone-encrusted pillars, she fell to the ground once again.
An invisible force seemed to pull at her body. It was a sensation that she'd never experienced before — it wasn't the same as when she had killed people in the past in a blind rage, or when she was fighting to bring down a Titan.
As if rather than trying to ground her to reality, the force was trying to pull her away — as if it wanted to tear her to pieces and bring her to heaven.
Ida grabbed onto Levi's collar before he could even fully stand up, and with all her might, pushed him to the pillar and angled her blade at his neck. Her hands trembled when she saw that her blade had graze upon his skin, oozing a small amount of blood.
"Why won't you fight me properly?! What about Eren?! What about mankind?! What about your duty?!" she screamed at him, unable to contain her frustration anymore.
Levi just continued to stare at her, making no move to answer her question, but she hadn't expected him to. What else could he say? She knew the reason for it no matter how much she tried to deny it.
Because at that very moment, she wasn't sure she could kill him too.
Silence. He stared at her with the same cold stare that he always had. But it wasn't filled with rage or vengeance. It was softer, much softer.
She clenched her teeth. "I betrayed you… I betrayed everyone! I wielded a sword at you! I was going to kill you! So why?! Why won't you fight?!"
Her veins ran colder, colder. Like there was a blizzard in her heart. Levi kept his gaze pinned on her.
Wait, she knew this look.
It wasn't hatred. It wasn't disappointment. It was understanding.
He was trying to decipher her. He was trying to understand why. Levi didn't blame her and he never did. He wasn't like Jean or Seth nor any other person. He still trusted her after all that she had done. He still believed in her.
Her hand trembled harder, and with all her mental fortitude, she willed it to stay calm. His eyes never left hers. His facial features were taut, emotionless, hollow. They were almost… sad.
Wait, this wasn't the soldier she knew. This wasn't the soldier she admired nor the hero that everyone respected.
This was Levi, her Levi.
She felt him move and heard his blades drop, and she reaffirmed her position, angling the blade lethally closer to his neck. But oddly enough, she made no effort to stop him as his hand raised.
Then, she felt his warm, calloused hands touch her side of her face.
And it was only then did she realized that she was crying.
Her eyes went wide; with fear, with horror, and with profound astonishment.
Levi wasn't supposed to see her like this. Not this weak. Her tears betrayed the facade she wanted him to see.
Her heart that had once pounded with adrenaline during the chase stopped with a resounding halt. Her lips started quaking under his intense look he was giving her and she couldn't stop the quivering of her hands. But she didn't drop her blade — she couldn't, too many things depended on her killing him.
"Go ahead, do it."
She couldn't stop the horror spreading over her tensed features when she heard him speak, his voice cool and rigid. She wanted to scream at him. Who did he think he was? Why wasn't he even a little afraid? What was he thinking, letting her disarm him so easily?
Why was he giving her the winning strike?
What was he trying to say? That he was okay with dying if she was the one killing him?
How arrogant. How foolish. How pathetic. How irrational.
Why? Why was he making this so much harder for her?
"Fight me!" she screamed desperately. "I will kill you!"
"Fucking stupid brat," he murmured rigidly after what seemed like an eternity. "If you're going to kill me — at least do it without crying. Do you know how pathetic you look? You can't honestly expect me to believe that when you're crying, Ida."
"I…" she knew she needed to speak, to say something, but she couldn't. The words wouldn't leave her. She had tried to steady her voice but it was breaking, crumbling, just like the invisible walls she had built around her.
"If you can't do it," he continued tonelessly, his eyes deadlocking with hers in a challenge. "Then come back."
Ida felt her hand lower her blade, she no longer had the strength to even hold it up.
She felt each of her senses shut down one by one and she backed away from him. Her hands fell to her sides, and yet he grabbed onto her hand, unwilling to let go, even as she struggled to get away.
Who was she kidding? She could never have killed him — not the only man who tried to understand and comprehend everything that she did. Not the only person in the world that loved her for who she was. She could never kill the man she admired, respected, and loved.
She could feel it clearly now, the tears that streamed down her face as though they were acid searing into her skin. She was so keenly aware of his hand holding her wrist, that the warmness seared, making it almost unbearable for her. She was pulling the air in, but her lungs just weren't processing it.
Just like that, she fell to her knees in defeat.
"HANJI-SAN!"
Her blood froze at the severity of that voice. Snapping out of her frozen state, she found her eyes following a body that was falling to the ground and the rain of blood that accompanied it.
Hanji. No. Not her too.
What the hell was she even thinking? How could she even betray them? Her friends? Her family? Didn't she claim she loved them? That she would do anything for them?
Levi's eyes narrowed, shocked when he saw Hanji landing to the ground with a loud thud.
"Now! Everyone retreat!"
Just like that, the members of the Anti-Personnel Control Squad retreated further into the caravan.
Levi immediately sprang into action. "Ida, stay here and take charge of—"
Before he could even comprehend what was going on, Ida had her blade out and with one swift movement, stabbed her thigh with it out of desperation. Crimson blood flowed from the wound and she bit her tongue to restrain a scream.
She remembered a time when she hated how the circumstances gave her no choice in her actions or who she was. But it was different now, she was different.
Though she was still too weak to make a firm decision — Levi or her mother — she was going to stop herself, even if it meant physically subduing herself.
"What the fuck are you doing?!"
Levi abandoned his plan of following the retreating squad and rushed to her, immediately pulling out the sword from her thigh. The unbearable pain was too much for her as Ida collapsed to the ground in agony. She could feel Levi's hands pressing on her wound to stop the blood.
"L — Levi… Listen to me…" She could hear a foreign ringing in her ears. "My legs… they are useless now."
"Stay here, I'll get the rest to—"
With her remaining strength, she grabbed his hand still slick with her blood and pulled him to her, stopping him from leaving.
"Eren! Y — You have to get to Eren... lead the squad and follow them," she said hoarsely, panting through her words. "Rod Reiss is planning to transfer his power to Historia, you need to stop him!"
But Levi wasn't listening to her, he turned his head away. "You'll bleed out," he stated flatly, in a strained voice.
She tightened her grip on his bloodied hand and pulled him to her again, grabbing his undying attention. "L — Listen to me, Levi! They have my mother! She's at the Starke estate! Jaron Starke… can't be trusted… He knew that Wall Maria would fall... I — I can't… kill any of you, but... if I'm going to save her, I need to at least look like I've been injured in my attempt to kill you!"
She felt him tightening her grip on her hand as if begging her not to do this. Smiling, she released his hand. "G — Go to Eren and don't look back. I'll be fine. Please, I know this is a selfish request but..."
Without further warning or explanation, she pushed him away. "GO!"
Unable to help it, his eyes scrutinized her emerald orbs, only to come to the same conclusion that he had gotten when he first saw her again: she was determined not to come back.
Gritting his teeth, silence wrapped around both of them as he captured her in an embrace.
Nothing was exchanged between them except a strong, steady look of understanding that neither one of them dared to turn away from. Despite the tension and thickness that hung in the air, Levi felt like the metal beams that were placed on his heart were breaking and crumbling apart.
There was no hesitation in his actions when he turned away, shot his grapple, shouted commands to his team and left with them. It was like Levi didn't even need to think about leaving her behind, bleeding out on the floor.
However, if Ida had to be honest with herself, she wasn't surprised.
She wasn't surprised, but she couldn't help but feel selfishly disappointed.
But there was no need to make things any harder between them. Both of them were bound by duty; their lives were not theirs to live. More than anything, Ida understood that.
How could she blame or even think to hate him? How could she, when he too was so understanding of her choices? When he allowed selfish request after selfish request?
As she closed her eyes and she felt herself sinking into the darkness, she could still feel her blood-stained hand that had grabbed his. She could still feel the remnants of his warmth.
Perhaps that'd be enough for her.
Her hand trembled, and she curled it shut.
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
Ten seconds passed, and then twenty and thirty, and finally the pain started to pull back like the tide going out. It left her fingers first, and then slowly worked its way up her arm. Ida could hear the sounds of gears working, some shouts and commands, and then nothing.
Silence.
Slowly, her senses started to send reports back to her brain. There were bruises and cuts and scrapes and maybe some breaks. But the pain in her leg was the worst. Admittedly, she was rash in disarming herself, for she didn't know if she would bleed out to death by the time Seth and rest had come to her aid. Even though she knew it was foolish, Ida was keenly aware of how Jaron needed her, and she placed her life on this intuition. Help would come soon, she just needed to wait.
In agony, she kept her eyes shut until she heard a meek voice.
"I — Ida-san…?"
Her eyes snapped open at that voice. She smiled weakly at the blonde. Pain prickled the back of her eyes and she struggled to keep herself together. "Armin… it was you that came up with that technique with the smoke, wasn't it…? Way to go, you really showed us… Erwin was right about you..."
Armin had his hand around an unconscious Hanji, supporting her. His figure was blurry through the unshed boats of tears in her eyes, and she blinked hard to keep them from falling.
I'm not going to cry, she told herself ferociously.
"Take care of her for me," she added weakly, unable to bear the silence. She wanted to see the state of Hanji herself, but she was too weak to even get off the ground. "She might annoy you to death, but she's a valuable asset to humanity… and… she's a good friend..."
Armin swallowed back a lump in his throat, his eyes trailing from her sweaty weak face and down to her pool of blood that oozed from her thigh wound. "Ida-san… I need to get you out of here!"
"No." She stopped him instantly, knowing that there was no way he could carry both her and Hanji out of the cavern. "Your orders were to bring Hanji to safety, isn't that right?"
"It's not safe for you to be here— "
"I'm safe, I'm one of them remember? And this is their territory." Ida instantly retorted, but her words were soft and gentle."You... shouldn't show an enemy any kindness you know..."
From the way Armin was looking at her, she could tell that he was in a serious debate. He was wondering if she could be trusted, or perhaps if she was on a confidential mission that Erwin that assigned her. He was debating if she was still a comrade anymore. But there was still warmness in his eyes and Ida relished in it. The boy was too kind for his own good.
Armin understood what she was saying. "But you're not..."
"You saw how I attacked Jean didn't you?" Ida cut him off again, her eyes deadly hollow. "I know it's hard for you to believe... Annie, Bertholdt, Reiner and then me… It must be hard for you to accept that we all betrayed you one way or another… But I won't apologize, all of us made our own choices…"
Armin's voice was pleading. "Ida-san…"
"Go now if you won't kill me. There might be more of my new team members lingering about. Take Hanji to safety quickly," she urged him with great urgency. "Take what's in my pocket, and give it to Levi when you see him."
Begrudgingly, Armin bent over and took the object out from her pocket. He blinked when he saw it and opened his mouth to protest, but then shut it instantly when he saw that despairing look on her face.
"I — I'll come back for you. Wait here…" Armin told her eventually, adjusting Hanji's hand on his shoulder and he struggled to keep her upright. "I promise."
Ida smiled weakly at his retreating figure and whispered, "You don't have to..."
She watched him climb the staircase with Hanji and left the cavern and only then did she closed her eyes again. Her heart pounded on her throat, preventing her from swallowing. Something tore at her internal organs, and she could hardly breathe. Her mind felt like it was being burned from inside out with the memories she'd promised to keep lock away.
Erwin, Hanji, Sasha, Connie, Mikasa, Historia, Jean, Armin, Eren, Levi...
Memories flooded her mind; images of her squad's smiling faces as they joked around over dinner, Hanji's fanatical grin, Levi's scowl and even Erwin's disapproving serious frown he always had.
It felt easier to breathe now as she thought about them, less painful even. The bothersome feelings that she had swimming in her heart were slowly beginning to disappear.
She felt light.
As Ida laid in a pool of blood, eyes closed and hands still curled to retain the warmness Levi left her, she found herself selfishly desiring to see them one last time. She wanted to go back home, back to the people she loved.
Then a bright light flashed from where the rest of the squad was — she briefly wondered if it was Historia transforming or Eren. The flash was so bright, that even with her eyes closed, she could sense it.
She opened her eyes. A few seconds passed without her even breathing. Then panicked screams echoed. The walls trembled and the roof of the cavern shook in such a way it threatened to cave in at any second.
I want to go home, she wanted to say, wanted to plead. But there was nobody around, she was alone to deal with this onslaught of nostalgia and longing.
It was a mere wish that was lost in the chaos of that night.
And so, Ida closed her eyes, touched her bracelet, and waited in silence for the roof of the cavern to collapse and to take her home.
o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o
"CAPTAIN! BAD NEWS! PLEASE COME UP HERE NOW!"
Levi snapped his head towards Connie who was dangling from the opening that Sasha has found. Gritting his teeth, he stood up and motioned for the squad to follow. "Yeah... for now let's work on getting out of here."
It was only on pure luck that he was still alive. If Eren hadn't eaten the bottle labeled 'armor' in Rod Reiss' bag, Levi was pissing sure that they'd all be crushed under the rubble by now. Thankfully, like some God-given miracle, Eren had managed to harden his Titan, supporting the cavern's roof from caving in on them all and protected the rest of his squad from the heat and falling debris. This was wonderful news of course, for now Eren was able to seal Wall Maria with this newfound hardening ability that they tried so hard to achieve back then during training.
Still, there were some setbacks. For one, the contents of Rod Reiss' bag were destroyed by the transformation of Rod Reiss into a Titan, and secondly, their squad was still missing a member — Ida Starke.
Too many thoughts were rushing through his mind, too many emotions fighting for dominance. So Levi did what he was best at doing. Like flicking a switch, he mentally shut off any thoughts and emotions and focused on the matter before him.
"Eren!" Armin cried out in relief, offering his hand to assist him out of the hole in the ground.
Mikasa smiled underneath her red muffler that she pulled up to hide her expression. "Thank goodness."
"You both alright?" Eren inquired, detaching his hand from Armin. "What about that Titan? What happened—"
He stopped as he registered the scene in front of him in horror. Nothing but endless miles of rubble. Rod Reiss transformation had collapsed the entire cave and even the Chapel that once stood on top of it was nowhere to be found. He swallowed a lump that formed in this throat.
"I thought the world was coming to an end, the ground broke apart and just when it was all about to collapse, that thing came crawling out…" Armin informed him and Eren followed his gaze to the humongous Titan a few miles away from them.
Eren was rooted to his spot when he saw the Titan that Rod Reiss had become — it was disproportionate, having a large torso with a small head and very thin limbs for its colossal size. Unable to stand up, it was crawling on all fours and a thick white steam emitted from his body.
"T — That is… a Titan?"
"Unlike none we have seen. It's about twice the size of the Colossal Titan and it seems to be extremely hot," Armin pointed out. "All the trees around it are catching fire, and it's ignoring nearby humans — us, I mean."
Jean had to mentally force his mouth to close. "S — So it's an abnormal?"
Armin nodded tersely. "If it's not being controlled by the will of a former human then yes, but, what happened down there…?"
"Tch," Levi was the last to leave the cavern, having made sure that his squad got out safely first. He dusted his hand, scowling at the sight of bizarre immense Titan. "What the hell."
He regarded the situation for a moment, sizing it up, then proceeded to issue orders in the same cool composed tone, "We're going after the Titan immediately. The interior squad led by Erwin could be nearby. Stay on guard."
"W — Wait, Captain." Armin stopped him in his tracks. "Where's Ida-san?"
Ida?
Where's Ida?
"Didn't you take her to safety with Hanji—"
No. Fuck no. Please no.
The confusion radiating from Armin instantly stopped Levi. In an instant, he pivoted around, registering the immense pile rubble before him. Something in him snapped at that moment.
This can't be.
Was it too late? Did Armin not get to her in time? Did she manage to get out? What about Kenny's team? Did they save her? Levi's glare snapped to Armin for answers, but it was all too clear — he had no idea where she was either. He hadn't seen her since the cave collapsed.
"...I didn't see anyone come out..." Armin murmured sadly, looking away.
Dread was all he felt. It was pooling like slime in his stomach, festering in his bones like some unwanted poison he couldn't repel. It dripped ice-cold down his back and relentlessly etched itself into his skin. He didn't even need his gut instincts to tell him where this was heading.
Levi stood simply frozen in place, eyes slightly narrowed. He had no real awareness of his body nor why it wouldn't move. Highly conscious of a certain feeling blooming right in the center of his chest, and yet with each slow pound of his heart, the pain grew until it was practically searing.
He should have done something, said something.
Yet he was only rooted to his spot and every fiber of his being trembled. He tensed, knuckles threatening to break through his skin, and the name of this sensation came to him in a quick bout of insight.
Rage.
But who could he direct it to? Who was to blame for this tragedy? Was it Erwin Smith, her father who made her dance to every beat of his sick tune all for the greatness of humanity? Or was it Jaron Starke, who cruelly forced her hand and gave her no other choice? Perhaps it was Rod Reiss, who unwittingly transformed to a Titan in despair over his daughter's betrayal and collapsed the entire cavern?
Or perhaps, it was he, who had left her in a pool of blood for the sake of his duty to mankind.
The reality of it all flowed through his veins and killed his mind. All he could feel was rage. It was poison to his spirit, dulling him and killing any other emotions until it was the only one that remained. It was as if a black mist had settled upon him and refused to shift, and no matter how bright the day was he would no longer feel any sun and hear no birds sing.
For the world was lost to him and he knew of nothing that would bring it back into focus.
She couldn't be dead. Ida was a survivor in this merciless world, she wouldn't just go down without a fight.
As if that name was the key, the moment this realization was made, he was thrown back into reality — she's probably still alive, down there, somewhere, still drawing breath. His body instantly moved towards the rubble — maybe he could still save her — but a resistance held him back.
"Captain!"
He stopped, glancing at a hand clutching on his arm. He followed its length until he met the eyes of its owner. Armin's eyes were pleading and teary, and for a moment, Levi vaguely wondered why he was looking at him like that.
"S — She told me to give this to you…"
Armin placed the item in his hand. Levi's fingers instantly curled around it, refusing to open it and see what it was. In a tensed silence, he registered the faces of his squad: some confused, some saddened, some angered.
But they all had one thing in common: none dared to look him in the eye.
Opening his hand, his fears were confirmed when he saw Ida's emblem and its message was clear as day.
"...What should we do?" Mikasa was the brave one this time, breaking the tensed silence that no one else dared to break.
The bloodied emblem furrowed in his grasp — though it had served to inform him of a bleak sorrowful truth that she was gone like the rest of his original Special Operation Squad, it also reminded him of his duty and his vows that he took.
Duty. Duty. Duty.
Vows. Vows. Vows.
Devote yourself to humanity.
Oluo, Petra, Eld, Gunther, and finally, Ida left had with them too. It was only him now, the sole survivor. The strongest.
Mentally, Levi sealed off every emotion, almost feeling his sanity split that very instance. But he willed himself to carry on.
"Get our horses. We need to chase after that Titan," he issued the final command.
Heartless. Disgusting. Monster.
How much more must he sacrifice? How much more blood must be spilled? Why was it that the vow that bounded him to duty for life took him further and further away from the person he wanted to be with?
For the first time in his life, Levi began to weigh the heavy price of freedom. And for once, he decided freedom wasn't worth this price at all.
Sorry for this cliffhanger! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm a bit rusty in my writing, but I tried. I love all of you guys, and I sincerely hope you guys have a wonderful day ahead of you.
Thank you for supporting me. Let me know what you think of this chapter!