Chapter 11: Calm Panic

It was Monday morning when Rin woke up with a smile on her face. Her heart was still fluttering after the fun day she had with Sesshomaru the day before. She wished she could be waking up in his arms instead of in her own bed. She wanted to be all cozy up against his broad chest and under his black covers. She groaned lightly, not wanting to wake up.

"Me too," Koharu said, rolling over in her bed. "Sorry you walked in on that. If my parents come to visit, don't tell them me, and Kohaku are having sex, okay?"

Rin covered her mouth laughing, "my lips are sealed."

"Did you two have sex yet?" Koharu asked excitedly as she pushed herself upright.

"No!" Rin did the same, "I barely know him! Why would I have sex with him?"

"He's hot," Koharu said, giggling. "If I wasn't with Kohaku I would tap that. Word on campus is that he would bed anyone. Anyone demon that is. You're really his mate?"

"Does everyone know?"

Koharu shrugged, "pretty much. You have to get used to life on this campus, word travels fast, and a lot of the time demons come here and find their mates, they don't want other people moving in on their territory."

"We're supposed to be discreet," she laid back down, with her head on her goose down pillow.

"Inuyasha only told the group, and that we should all keep it quiet. I'm sure the staff knows though or else he would get in trouble for dating you." She started getting ready for the day.

As Rin laid in her bed a knock came at the door. Grabbing her phone from the nightstand, she checked the time. It was six in the morning. Getting up from her bed she went to open the door to find no one there. She was going to close the door when the shade of pink on the floor caught her attention. Looking down she found a single pink rose and the book she had been reading in the store the day before. She picked them both up and sniffed the delicate flower. After shutting the door and sitting down on her bed she opened the book. Inside the cover there was a piece of paper with elegant writing on it.

Rin,

Meet me at the coffee shop at six-thirty. I'll be waiting for you to have a quick breakfast before classes start.

Sesshomaru

She grabbed her phone off the nightstand again and checked the time, it was six-ten. She set the gifts from Sesshomaru on the bed and dashed for the closet and pulled out a long pair of jeans, and a long sleeve shirt. She combed her hair out then tied it up in a ponytail.

"Where are you going?" Koharu asked her.

"He's waiting for me," her heart was fluttering again. She grabbed her bag, keys, slipped on some shoes and dashed out the door.

"Have fun!" Koharu called after her.

She arrived five minutes early to the coffee shop. Walking inside she found him waiting at a two seater table in the very back. She noticed two coffees were already on the table along with breakfast pastries. As she walked over to him she could pick up the smell of pumpkin again from the cup. She knew she was going to have to tell him that she liked different kinds of coffee other than pumpkin spice.

"Good morning," Sesshomaru said as he got up to greet her. He was dressed in plain black jogging pants and a black tank-top. His hair was tied back in a tight ponytail behind his back, accentuating the stripes on his cheeks.

"Good morning," she said as she kissed his lips, wrapping her arms around his shoulder. "Thank you for the flower and book. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome," he said as he handed her a cup of coffee.

"Thank you," she said, taking a sip of the hot drink. "I should let you know I do enjoy other flavors of coffee. Remind me to write them down."

"I'll make a note of that. Let's take a seat. We have a bit of time before class," he motioned for her to sit.

She did as he said and took a seat across from him. Before she responded she grabbed one of the many pastries and took a bite. The sweet taste of apples and cinnamon was still warm and soft. It brought back memories of her mother's apple pies at thanksgiving. She closed her eyes thinking of her mother and brothers.

"Is your pastry good?" Sesshomaru asked, confused. She almost seemed sad for a minute. He picked up his own food that was more raw and still kicking.

"It is," she said quietly. "My mom, my birth mom, she… used to make apple-pie from scratch for us. Before," she trailed off. "Well before she died."

"I had heard that your family died in a car accident," he said, reaching out to hold her hands. A small measure of comfort, "I'm sorry."

"It was years ago," she said with a soft sigh as she rubbed the scar on her neck. "Sometimes I can still feel the flames against my neck."

"How did you survive?" He said, already knowing how she did, but wondering how much she remembered.

"I don't really remember," she shook her head. "I… I know that something hit the car and then we rolled and my parents died on impact, my brothers died later that night. I woke up alone with a social worker. She told me my parents were dead and asked if I had family. My family, we're from Japan. Years before my dad had gotten work in Florida so we moved. We spoke mostly Japanese at home, I think that's why I learned it so easily. Then I was in a few different foster homes, not many. I got lucky. Carlotta, mom, my adopted mom, she was already famous by then, and she met me while visiting a friend that was a foster mother. She fell in love with me and that's that."

"I wondered if you were of Japanese descent. You have the look around the eyes," the back of his finger traced her eyes. "Is that what causes the panic?"

"You know this relationship isn't going to work if you're determined to fix me," she lifted the pastry again. "This is really good," she pulled his mouth to hers over the table. "Thank you," she pecked his lips again. "I see your food is still kicking," Rin announced. He had a bowl of something that literally looked like it was swimming. Every few minutes he pulled something wriggling out from the red water and ate it. "Is there anything in particular you want to talk about?"

"Just to get to know you more. If you weren't studying to be a writer, what other career would you choose?"

"Let's see, maybe acting. But writing has always been my passion. You said that your career choice is business. Do you want to be a dojo owner?"

His face changed lightly, so briefly she almost missed it, like he wanted to correct her then didn't. "Yes, that's my plan. Being that you are my mate, we'll run it together," he said with a smirk.

"I'm guessing you're going to have me demonstrate my moves to our future students?" she asked sarcastically, but touched that he would want her by his side.

"Yes, unless you become pregnant then you'll have to sit out and watch the class."

"Pregnant?" She choked on her coffee. "So you want kids?"

"Eventually, yes I do want kids. What about you?" He wondered, part of finding one's mate was satiating the inner-craving to reproduce. Human reproductive cycles were different from demons. Demons went into a period of heat. He wondered when she would cycle, which made him wonder if she was fertile now. Was she on birth control? Which led to more sensuous thoughts that he needed to stop himself from thinking.

"Sometime in the future, yes. I'm eighteen. I don't want kids now though."

"I assume you would want to finish school first?"

"Yeah and see the world. I mean, I traveled a lot with my parents, but I'd like to go to other places too. Do you want a lot of kids?"

"How many would you give me?" he asked with a hint of humor in his eyes.

"Um… I… don't know? Am… am I supposed to know?"

He picked at his own breakfast and shook his head.

"Is there anything else you like to do in your spare time?" She needed to change the subject fast. It was too early to talk about kids. They were just getting to know each other!

"I usually enjoy spending time going on walks along the path behind the school, what about you? What are some things you did back home that weren't related to writing and being a stunt performer?"

She had to think about it, there were many things she enjoyed doing. "I enjoy yoga by the pool, then I practice my gainer falls right afterward. But when I don't do either of them, I go surfing." All the kids back home always thought she was an indoor nerd. But she enjoyed being outside and doing fun things.

"Gainer fall? I'd like to see that some time," Sesshomaru announced.

"Well we would have to find a place with a pool first."

"The school has one. It's inside the gymnasium just on the other end."

"Maybe I'll show you on a weekend if I'm not busy with homework," she said. It had been a while since she did any type of gainer of fall. The last time was two years ago when she was in China. Her hands started to shake, no she didn't want to remember that trip. She cleared her thoughts trying not to remember that trip.

"Do you have a lot of homework? Are you okay?" He took her hand and massaged her palm.

"I'm fine," she lied through her teeth. "I need to go to class. Thanks, for breakfast," she stood up finishing her pastry.

He followed her packing up the leftovers and walking next to her. "Join me for lunch?"

"Where?" She grinned like a schoolgirl.

"I'll meet you outside the dojo at twelve thirty," he said as he held her hand.

"Thanks Sessh," she said quietly, giving his hand a squeeze.

"Sesshomaru," he corrected her. "I don't like nicknames."

"So you won't have a pet name for me?" She pulled him behind a building just before they got back on campus. Their mouths met in a fury of passion as his hands pawed up her waist. She held him around the shoulders, biting down on his bottom lip, earning her a pleasured growl.

He pulled back panting, "if I did," he caressed the side of her face, "it would be something worth your beauty." He nuzzled her nose then pressed his mouth into hers again. "I'll see you for lunch."

Days passed and somehow it had become their custom to meet for breakfast before he had to start teaching Judo. They shared details about their lives and talked about their relationship until they both had to leave and then they would meet again for lunch. When her classes ended around three she returned to her dorms to work on her homework, only for him to drag her back out for dinner. She often wondered on a student's salary how he afforded to take her out to eat for all their meals, but he showed her different restaurants in the city and learned her favorite foods. She learned his diet was very simple, raw meat, blood, and often still swimming sea-food. A few times they sparred together after class.

Toga called his son into the office along with Inuyasha on Thursday, five days after they had been dating. "Sesshomaru," he shut the door behind his son. "How's it going?"

"Fine," he said sitting down, knowing exactly what his father was talking about. "Why did you ask me to come?"

"We need to talk," Toga sat down again with both his sons. "Have you found anything?"

"You ask that every week," Sesshomaru rolled his eyes. "It's the same answer as it was last week and no I'm not getting distracted because I am engaged in a relationship. You should be asking dick-head over there if he's gotten distracted. I heard you deflower your girlfriend the other night Inuyasha, I'm sure you were fucking her in all the right places."

"Inuyasha?!" Toga turned on him.

"We used protection and she's on birth control! Please he'll be deflowering Rin any day now!" Inuyasha squirmed in his chair. "I haven't found anything either. Are you sure the tip you received was credible dad? I'm lying through my teeth to Kagome," he said. "What happens when Rin finds out the truth?"

"She'll accept it," Sesshomaru said blandly.

"You're an idiot," Inuyasha glared.

"He's dirty," Toga said firmly, "and yes it came from a credible source, that's why you two are here. He's going to slip up and leave us a trail to follow and it starts with his son."

"Is that all?" Sesshomaru asked, standing.

"No, you two can leave," he said, opening the door.

"Did you finish going through the bank statements?" Sesshomaru asked his brother as he walked out of the office.

"Yep and nothing, did you listen to the wiretaps?"

He snorted. "Infidelity isn't a crime."

"Dammit," Inuyasha cursed. "Well… let's just hope we get what we're looking for soon."

The day had been long. It was a Friday, she woke up early at six in the morning to eat breakfast at the coffee shop with Sesshomaru. It has been six days since the Masquerade. She finished the book he bought her staying up late into the night, not getting enough sleep, and then being entirely too tired. Her classes were intense and she had to translate a short story into Japanese and had missed points for not formatting the Japanese correctly. Izayoi allowed her to try again which meant she spent lunch in the library and didn't eat before Judo.

They may have been dating, but he showed no mercy. They started with the regular stretching then they did suicide runs for forty minutes back and forth in the long dojo until half the students were on their face, but because she had missed lunch on the second to last lap, she tripped over Roku and Dai who had fallen down and landed on her still sore wrist. He kept his distance because they weren't allowed to show public displays of affection and she pulled herself off the floor, gripping her wrist. "He wants to know if you're okay?" Inuyasha asked her.

"Yeah," she shook the pain out. "I just landed on my wrist that I used on Takahiro."

"He's back, you know. They had to do surgery on his nose," Inuyasha muttered under his breath. "He came back this morning for classes. Try to steer clear of that guy. He's bad news."

"Thanks," she groaned, holding her wrist.

"Rin and Koga!" Sesshomaru announced as everyone came to the line.

"This is straight sparring. Three points," he stood in the center of the students. He held his hand out at the ready, "ready, set, fight!"

For a moment black spots passed in Rin's vision. "Do you need a bed Miss Campbell?" Sesshomaru taunted her.

"No Sensei," she rolled her eyes at him, wishing she could flip him off.

Koga came at her with a raised foot. She dodged it easily, because he used that attack on everyone. She had already beat the crap out of all the humans in the class, leaving only youkai and hanyous as fair competition. She was one of the only girls. She whirled around and was about to elbow Koga in the back, when the world didn't stop spinning and she ended up on all fours dry heaving. "You okay?" Koga asked her.

She coughed one last time and forced herself off the ground only to come face to face with an extremely pissed off sensei. He held her by the elbow, "go to my office!"

"I'm fine," she said firmly.

"I said my office now!" he pushed her across the dojo by her arm and sat her down in front of his desk, shutting the door behind them. "You weren't at lunch."

"I messed up in Izayoi's class," she leaned back against the chair. "I had to rewrite a paper. I didn't format it right for Japanese. She said I had until the end of the day to finish it."

"So you come to my class unprepared?" He leaned over the side of his desk and opened the minifridge near his chair. He took out some orange juice, an energy bar, and an apple for her. "Eat and then go back to your dorm. You're dismissed for the remainder of class."

"I don't need a break!" her voice rose as she drank the orange juice. The sugar alone made her head feel clearer than it did before and her fingers stopped shaking.

The door slammed shut behind her. She groaned, flopping on top of the desk, staring at the energy bar, and the apple. Knowing his appetite, she wondered why the hell he had it in there. She ate the food mechanically, taking out her homework for Izayoi. She had written a short story about a girl who went missing in the woods and was found by a demon who took pity on her. She returned the girl to her parents and gave her a secret pendant that would one day save her life. She used MLA format and missed half the words. Rin could speak Japanese and write decently well, but she underestimated how much she would need for this class. She finished the apple just as she heard the class dismissed on the other side of the door.

She was so engrossed in her work she didn't notice the door opening until a tray of food was flopped in front of her face making her jolt so hard she nearly flipped backwards in the chair. "Oh my god! You could warn me before you do that!"

"I told you to go back to your dorm," he folded his arms over his chest.

"I'm not a dog, Sesshomaru. You can't just give me commands." She stared at the tray of food. There was a chicken salad, stir fry, and a pastry. "How much do I owe you?"

"Nothing, eat, and then leave."

"You're a jerk, you know that!" she said standing up. "You eat it." She attempted to brush past him only to get caught by her arm and shoved back into the chair. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

The door was shut again with him blocking it, "you did not have the slightest bit of decency to at least text me that you weren't coming for lunch and after that you tell me you spent the entire time slaving in the library when you could have asked for my help!"

"I don't want your help! I can do the assignment myself! I'm sorry I didn't text. I was in a hurry, and I'm still not done with it."

"And here I thought you were a scholar," he laughed openly. "Did you think you could come to a foreign school not fully understanding the language? Or the customs?"

"I'm not putting up with this from you," she grabbed his arm and tried to yank him out of the way. She tugged and pulled only for him to roll his eyes. "Move."

"We aren't finished talking and I told you to eat."

"And I told you I'm not a dog. But you are fluffy," she tried to ruffle his hair only to have her arm pinned to her side. "Ow."

"Let me make something incredibly clear, Rin. I am not your lap-dog and I may have allowed you to toy with my head before I agreed to this relationship. You do not want to see me angry by any stretch of the imagination. I have been gentle on you but make no mistake, if I wanted to taste your blood, it would be spilled before you saw it coming and you will show me respect both in our relationship and in my dojo do you understand?"

Her arm was twisted behind her back, making her wince in pain. Her eyes watered from the pressure he was putting on her until she understood he wanted her to sit down in front of the food. "Let go of my arm."

"Why? Will you have a panic attack if I don't? Such a convenient trick," he let her go, making her plop into the chair. "Now eat."

"This isn't going to work between us," she rubbed her arm.

"Yet sadly you agreed not to dump my 'sorry ass'. That is what you called it."

"My first mistake. I have to turn my paper in and you're going to make me lose points."

"You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"Yet you missed lunch and nearly passed out in my class!"

"You're being an ass!"

"And you're being an immature brat!"

"Maybe that's because I'm eighteen you idiot!" She picked up the juice and threw it at his face.

It missed hitting the wall as he ducked to the side. "Fine, if you want to leave, leave," he opened the door.

"I'm not eating dinner with you either," she threw the tray of food on the ground and stormed out of the dojo. "Stupid jerk," she muttered under her breath and started jogging for the English building. She had barely been able to correct the margins and the format and hoped she had found the correct words to fix the problem. As she jogged, tears formed in her eyes.

She found herself out of breath when she finally got to Izayoi's class. She sat serenely behind her desk grading papers. "Oh Rin! Come in dear," she waved her hand over. "I'm sorry I was so hard on you today. I can't be shown making exceptions just because you are dating my step-son."

"It's okay," her voice broke unintentionally as she entered the room.

"Oh Rin, what's wrong?" She ran from her desk and tackled Rin in a warm embrace. "Did he do something stupid?"

"Nothing," she coughed. "We just got into a fight and he was…."

"A jerk?"

"Yeah," she rubbed her nose, hugging the dark haired woman back.

"He is a jerk," she pushed Rin back gently. "It's part of their nature," she giggled lightly. "Let me tell you, when Toga and I first started dating we fought all the time. Then I figured something out I wish someone would have told me. They have very sensitive egos. Dog-demons are very affectionate creatures by nature, fiercely loyal, and extremely jealous. They live to care for their mates, but they also crave approval, respect, and above all adoration. You're in for a doozy of a relationship with him, my dear. It won't be like dating, you're already deciding on a life-long commitment that you can back out of at will and he can't. He can't stop feeling what he does for you even if he tries. It's hardwired, nothing therapy or psychology can fix. You just have to teach him how to speak to you in a way that makes you comfortable and you have to be careful of his feelings."

"Like he has feelings," she wiped her eyes as the hug broke.

"He does. His mother passed a while back and it was very hard on him. He isolated himself from the family and we didn't see him for quite a long time until he came to teach here. Before that I once tried to give him advice about the way he treats people, he didn't speak to me for five years. I found out I hurt his feelings from his father. He didn't say that to me, he said it to Toga! Can you believe it? Give it a chance. Even if you dated a human you would have these issues. It takes years to learn how to live together."

Rin could only nod her head. "I have the paper."

"Okay. Were you able to complete the assignment?"

"I don't know," she said quietly, shifting her bag off her shoulder and pulling out the paper. "I probably could have used more time."

"How about I give you until tomorrow afternoon?"

"Are you sure?"

"Ask him for help. He's a beautiful writer," she nudged Rin's shoulder. "He doesn't write stories or poetry. He writes history. It's his favorite subject."

"I don't want to talk to him," she said defensively.

"Either way, take an extra day. Get some rest and turn it in tomorrow. I won't be so gracious next time. Make sure you learn how to format it properly and better use of Japanese nouns and proper verb tenses okay?"

"Thanks Izayoi," she waved as she left.

She made it outside of the building only to find herself faced with the last person she wanted to see. She purposely avoided his gaze only for him to start following at her heels. "Freshman," Takahiro taunted her. "I heard you lost to Koga? I guess you aren't as tough as you thought you were."

She ignored him and tried to focus on the cool fall breeze and the changing leaves that were blowing around her.

"Oi!" He yelled, still trailing behind her. "So you aren't talking to me now?"

She started walking faster for her dorm, wishing that she could turn around and pummel him again. She was warned later that if it happened again she could be expelled. There was no point goading him on. "Hey!" He reached out and grabbed the back of her backpack. It yanked her to a stop. "I'm talking to you!"

She raised her fist up gripping his shoulder with her other hand. "Touch me and you'll need a second surgery!"

"But you're such a pretty thing," he laughed cupping her chin, running his thumb along her jawbone.

Pretty thing… pretty thing… breathing suddenly became very difficult. Pretty thing, hands, tears, burning. A voice flashed through her head. She kicked Takahiro's shin, sending him howling on the ground and fled to her dorm room to catch her breath. She made it up the stairs and behind her door dropping to her knees as soon as it was shut. She threw her bag off and told herself, calm down, just calm down. She walked over to her bed and flopped face down on her stomach trying to force her heart to stop beating so quickly. Calm down, she told herself, just calm down.

Her eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to get her emotions in check. Her brain became fuzzy. She heard footsteps coming down the hall and turned on her side to pretend like she was sleeping. Rin yanked the cover over her shoulder just as Koharu came through the door. Rin could hear a mew then heard something skitting around the room. She kept her eyes shut, trying to ignore the racing of her heart. She peeked at her phone through the covers as Koharu sat down by her desk to do her schoolwork. He hadn't even called or texted. As the pain in her chest tightened, darkness covered her eyes, and she let sleep take her.

She felt weak and tired when she woke up. She flipped her phone open, the light made her wince. It was well into the middle of the night. He hadn't called or texted, which was so unlike the last week of their relationship. Her lip trembled as the tears came again and then her heart started racing again. Damn Takahiro, she bit her lip to try to ground herself. She rubbed her puffy eyes to hear another meow from the middle of the room. She glanced over to see a two-tailed cat sleeping by the window. She wiped her eyes, standing up and started pacing. Her chest was squeezing, it ached, fear coursed through her veins. She tried to remember the things that would calm her.

She put her Beats on and turned on some of her relaxing music. She made it through two songs, with her heart still racing before she tried calling him. It went straight to voicemail twice. She sent him a text, are you awake? Can I come over? Two more songs and he hadn't answered. It was one in the morning. Somehow, he had a soothing effect on her and she was desperate to be in someone's arms, even if they had gotten into a fight. A few times back in the states she would crawl into bed with her parents or wake her mother up. She slid her shoes on, picked up her backpack because she still had to finish the paper and headed for his dorm.

Sesshomaru jogged next to Inuyasha as they made their way back to the dorms. Inuyasha was first on the way. He stopped his brother by the arm, "are all human females irrational?"

"You got into a fight didn't you?" The younger brother laughed.

"If you want to call it that," he sniffed the air, wrinkling his nose. He could smell her and salt heading in the direction of his dorm. She was terrified.

"Just wait until she has a period," Inuyasha slapped his shoulder.

He didn't answer. He waved his brother off and left for his dorm. Cherry Blossoms and salt did not mix well together. The closer he came to his dorm, the more overpowering the scent became. She had blown off his invitation to take her to a nice restaurant and threw the food he had purchased for her on the floor. He was livid, but it melted into nothing when he made it up several flights of stairs to his room and found her against the side of his door sobbing. Even from the stairs he could hear her heart pounding. She was having another panic attack and there was something flattering that she had come to him. "Rin?" He said as he knelt down next to her. He knew better than to try to touch her in the middle of one after that first night. "What's wrong?"

"It won't stop," she cried into her knees. "It won't stop. I'm so scared." She rocked back and forth.

"Scared of what?"

She shook her head. "It won't stop. It hurts."

He exhaled heavily, "can I help you inside?" He put his key in the lock and pushed the door open. He knelt down and helped her off the floor and into his room. She grasped his arms as they made it inside. He led her to the bed by the elbows, taking her backpack in the process. She shook in his arms, "are you cold?"

"No," her teeth chattered and her lips shivered, "I get ch… ch… chills when it… doesn't… st… st… stop," she immediately fell onto her side into his bed covering her eyes. Curling into herself. "It hurts," she hugged herself. "My chest," she coughed. "I can't breathe."

"Okay," he slid into the bed behind her and pulled her into his chest. He wrapped one arm over her shoulder and let the other be a pillow for her. He stroked the hair from her ears, across her head, raising the hair on her skin. "Breathe, like we did last time? In," he breathed in, leading her, "and out." He rubbed her shoulder, "in, good and out." He let his mokomoko become visible and covered her trembling body in it. She looked like a frightened child in his arms, "in," he whispered next to her ear, "and out." Her heartbeat slowed and her tears were reduced to hiccups and soft sniffles. "What happened? What triggered this?"

She snorted. "I'm hungry."

"That can't be all of it," he caressed the underside of her eyes with his thumbs.

She wiped her eyes and turned over to wrap her arms around his waist, "my sensei was a jerk today."

"Really?" he smiled into the kiss he gave her, "shh…" he could hear her heart starting to pick up again. "Maybe your sensei was worried his prize human pupil came to class on an empty stomach and nearly passed out."

"He could have just said that instead of yelling at me."

"I told you we have to be discreet. I can't show you favor," he combed his fingers through her hair. It was greasy and slightly tangled. "You need a bath."

"Thanks," she whimpered, clearly unhappy with his bathing comment.

"You're saying this is my fault?" His words from earlier hit him squarely in the gut. If he had known, he would have spoken more kindly to her.

"I don't know," she wiped her nose again. "Then I got into a fight with my boyfriend."

"Perhaps he was also worried that his girlfriend wasn't taking care of herself and didn't come to him for help with her paper."

"You called me an immature brat," she broke into another round of sobs, she clung to the front of his shirt, burying her nose into his chest, soaking the front of his clothing.

"I believe you called me an ass and a stupid jerk and an idiot," he let his lips press against her forehead. "It's okay," he nuzzled her nose.

"I'm sorry," she muttered against his chest.

"So am I," he said lightly next to her ear. "Did you miss dinner?"

"I fell asleep after I got back to my dorm and…" pretty thing, pretty thing. She didn't want to tell him that Takahiro had bothered her. "yeah. I missed dinner."

"Shall I take you somewhere?"

She shook her head. "I feel gross."

"What do you want?" He opened an app on his phone, holding it over her head. "Meat? Something American?"

He felt her giggle against his throat, "milkshake? Maybe some stir fry? A salad."

"The entire restaurant?" he chuckled.

She poked his stomach, making him flinch. "You don't have to tease. I barely ate today."

"Does that trigger you?" He searched to find a restaurant that was still open. There were two that were twenty-four seven in the city near the college. He started ordering her food, "anything else?"

"That should be enough," she yawned and kissed the underside of his chin. "I think it does. That and I didn't sleep enough last night." And being accosted by that idiot Takahiro did a number on her. If she had it her way she would do more than break his nose. "I wasn't always like this," she said as an afterthought.

He set the phone down and turned back to her. "Your dinner will be here in thirty minutes. When did the anxiety start?"

"A few years ago," she said quietly, turning away from him.

Her distance filled him with concern. "What happened?" Perhaps she would finally divulge what had started it.

She shook her head, "I don't want to talk about it."

Even he noticed the change in her voice, how her eyes became dead when she said it. He would push later. He nodded, quietly stroking her unkempt hair. "Would you like a bath?"

"You have a bath?"

"The graduate rooms get baths instead of showers like in your room."

"I didn't bring clean clothes."

He sat up, "you can wear mine." He rose off the bed and pulled out a pair of pants for her and a T-shirt. She hadn't moved from where he had left her. Her eyes were still bleak. "Do you need help?"

"I'm not taking my clothes off in front of you!" It was way too early in their relationship for that.

"You know you'll have to eventually for me to mark you," he set the clothes down next to her and sat on the bed. He caressed her cheek with the back of her hand. "Come on," he took her hand. "Into the bath. How do you like the water?"

"I'm not taking my clothes off for you," she curled tighter into herself, hands crossed over her chest.

He only chuckled, taking in her form on his bed. She was curled over on herself, dressed in the same judo-attire she had worn earlier and a jacket. "You need a bath. I have a sensitive nose. Come to the bathroom. You don't have to undress in front of me. How do you like your water?"

"Hot," she puffed, taking his hand.

He led her to the bathroom, massaging her hand as he did. He sat on the ledge and turned the water on. He waited for it to start steaming then added cold water before plugging the tub. He pulled down his soaps, shampoos and conditioners for her.

"Don't look?" she said, keeping her back to him.

He stared at the white tiles on the wall. "I take it you've never had sex before?" He could hear clothing falling to the floor. Then a splash of water. "Should I leave?"

"Stay with me? I," the tears started again. "You feel like home. Please?"

His heart warmed at that moment. He turned around to see her long hair hanging over her pale white back and her knees covering her chest. He sat down on the floor of the bathroom and started cupping water in his hand and pouring it over her back. She sighed at his touch. "You don't have to cry, Rin." He ran his hand under the thick strands of hair, down her soft skin, his breath catching as he did.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It warms my heart that you came to me for comfort. Can I wash your hair?" He picked up his shampoo and put some in his hand.

"Is this another dog-demon thing?" Her head rested sideways on her lap. He didn't speak. "I guess. The last time someone washed my hair was at the salon in America, mmmh," she leaned into his hands.

He lathered her hair, massaging her temples, running his claws through the strands. "Lean back." She was hiding most of her body from him. He let it go for now, despite his desire to see more. It was enough to make him hard. He tilted her head back while she covered herself with her hands and put the washcloth between her legs. Her body was divine and he was all too aware how long it had been since he had a good fuck. God he wanted her. He cradled her head until she was in the water and rinsed hair out. He brought her back up to a sitting position and lathered the conditioner into her hair.

"Thank you," her palms covered his hands. "It means a lot to me."

Pride blossomed in his chest that he was finally able to do something right for her. He kissed her cheek, which quickly turned into a more heated kiss as her mouth turned to meet his. He held her chin in one hand, and let his other fall along her shoulder. Her skin was smooth and wet, warmed from the bath. She tasted like the cherry blossoms he dreamt of and the bath water and there was something erotic about the way his tongue slid along her soaking skin. He yearned to touch lower, to dip below the collar bone and suckle her pink nipples he had caught glimpses of, but, instead he explored the curves of her neck with his mouth, careful that his fangs didn't do more than nip at the delicate skin. His mouth fell along her shoulder. She held his cheeks in her hands. His left hand fell into the water, holding her side. It ran up the skin until she stopped it just as her breast began to round. "No. Please… I-"

He nodded, removing it from just near her breast, raising it up to her chin. His phone began ringing. "That's probably your food." He left to get it from the runner at the bottom of the steps and took his time going back up. If he didn't, he would have jumped her. They had only been together for six days, but the yearning was there. Between his work and school schedule he had spent as much time with her as he could manage.

When he came back to his room, he rapped lightly on the door, so she knew he was coming back in and found her sitting on the bed with her hair wrapped in a towel, dressed in his clothes. He passed her the bag and sat down next to her. "So now we know, hunger and exhaustion lead to panic and I calm you?"

She opened it, taking the milkshake from his hand, "yeah. This is yummy," she said, sipping from the straw. "You said I could spend the night again." She leaned against him.

"As often as you want," he wrapped an arm around her. "Shall I dry your hair?"

"No. I like sleeping with it wet," she dug into the stir fry. "This is really good. Thank you for taking care of me."

"You're welcome," he pressed his lips to her cheek. "To answer your question from earlier, I have been told we like taking care of our mates. I feel an incessant need to make sure your needs are cared for."

"I tried calling. You didn't answer me."

"My phone was off."

"Where were you? It's the middle of the night," she yawned while taking a bite of salad.

"In a meeting. Some of the demon instructors on campus don't sleep often. I'll make sure your calls come through next time."

She set the food down, mostly eaten and climbed back into the covers. "I'm tired." Even though she had slept for nearly ten hours, it felt like nothing.

He turned the lights off in the room and climbed into bed next to his tired and wrung out lover. "I'll let you sleep in the morning," he grinned as she snuggled into his chest and wrapped her feet around his legs for warmth. "Rin?" Her head rested in the crook of his shoulder.

"Mhh?" Her eyes were already closed and she had thrown the towel on the floor. Another thing he would worry about in the morning. He hated dirty clothes on the floor, but for tonight he would make an exception.

"One day, will you tell me what happened? What haunts you?"

Her eyes bolted open, "you'll hate me."

"No I won't," he kissed her lips. "I couldn't."

Her nerves were rising again. They smelled like snow and ice and of something else he couldn't name. She was scared to tell him. "I'm tired. Can we sleep now?"

"Yes," he nuzzled her nose affectionately. There were so many questions he wanted to ask her, but they fell dead on his lips as it was clear she had already found sleep and comfort in his arms. She sighed against him, gripping the front of his shirt. Only moments before the crying came back and her scent changed to fear. The same had happened the other night she had spent in his bed. "Shhh," he hissed next to her ear, "you're safe my love." He would never call her that when she could hear it. He combed her wet hair, and kissed her cheeks, "whatever it is. You aren't there. You're with me," he rocked her lightly, surprised when the cries stopped, but her hands tightened on him.

"Sesshomaru," she spoke in her sleep, "save me."

"I'm here, shh."

Her hold on him became tighter, "please… I don't want to."

"Quiet," he instructed her, shaking her lightly, "wake up Rin. Wake up."

"What's wrong?" Her eyes fluttered momentarily.

"You were having a nightmare. You're safe with me," he lifted her mouth to his. "I have you."

"Don't let them find me," she mumbled against his chest, pawing the material with her hands as she drifted off again.

"Who?" What are you keeping from me?