To see a Darkened Sun
chapter 16
"Hast thou ever counted the stars in the sky?"
"hrm... I don't think so. When I was young I liked to sit outside and gaze at them, like we are now, but I never counted them."
"Didst thou commonly sit outside on a cold night and stare at the sky?"
"Heheh. Yes, well, when you say it like that it doesn't sound that great. But to answer your question, yes. I snuck out almost every night, sitting on rooftops or wherever I could without being seen. There was something so... enchanting about the moonlight."
"Thou thinks so?"
"Mmhm."
"Mmmm. I must admit I never went outside to watch the stars. Hah, the maids would all be in a panic if I did. But I did sit at mine window, candle in hand, watching from the safety of mine warm room."
"Sounds nice."
"That it was."
"..."
"...That sense of belonging, completeness. Do you feel it too?"
"Hm?"
"When looking at the moon, I mean. Do you get that strange feeling deep down that, it's alright now, that you belong?"
"Only once."
"When was that?"
"...Many years ago, on a cold night."
"Mmhm?"
"The moon was so bright in the sky, like a second sun. That night, there was a family dinner, much to the displeasure of the guests I was to have a seat, purely due to blood relations I was told. I barely touched the food on mine plate, I had no appetite for I could not stomach the hate and malice in the room."
"When all was over I locked mineself in mine room and sat by the window. I did not cry, or shout, I simply, sat and stared at the gentle rays of the moon, it was the first time I could remember feeling, comfort..."
"..."
"...Sorry I seem to have sullied the mood."
"No, no it's alright, feel free to talk about that as much as you need. After all you've been through you deserve to be able to vent when the need arises."
"Mine thanks."
"Mmmh. I remember experiencing a similar night, moon powerfully bright in the sky and all."
"Oh?"
"Yep. That day my father woke up with the curse mark on his back... And it wasn't long before lloyd's merry men came in and took him away... Mum cried so loud that night, though she tried to prevent me from hearing it."
"That night I jumped out my window and ran into the fields, tears in my eyes, I ran for ages. After a while I tripped on a root or, something, and landed flat on my face. Rolling over I saw the moon right above me. So huge in the sky, and I just stopped. The tears stopped, I stopped moving, everything went quiet and I was left in peace and solace."
"Arias... I am, so sorry..."
"No, it's alright, I've long since forgotten about all that."
"I know, but... I wish there was something I could've-"
"C'mere"
"Ohp!"
"Let's forget about all that for now and just... hahhhh... Let's just watch the moon and cuddle for a bit. That would be nice don't you think?"
"Mh, yes. That would be quite nice."
"..."
"By the way, there's something I'st wanted to ask thee."
"Hm?"
"How is it..."
"How is what?"
"...How is it thou remembers these things? Didst thou not lose thine memory?"
"..."
"Arias?"
"Well, my sou-"
"Wha..?" Gwyndolin mumbled as he opened his eyes, still half asleep.
"...Didst thou..." He grumbled again before finally comprehending that he'd just awoken from a dream.
"Oh.." He sighed, somewhat upset that he wasn't actually in an unnamed field watching the stars with Arias. He avoided thinking of the full truth of the situation and instead focused on looking around the room. The moon was still high in the sky, shining on him. The room was lit with it's silver light, a thick silence inhabited it now. No, it'd always been there, but the absence of the sun made it far more obvious.
Sitting slowly up and rubbing his eyes, he finally realized the absence of his lover and started panicking.
"A-Arias!" He shouted out, loudly, surprisingly loudly in fact. He saw movement on the windowsill above his bed, looking up he noticed a shadowy figure sitting on it.
"What is it? Are you alright?" The figure spoke quietly but with a sense of worry. After his eyes adjusted, Gwyndolin was finally able to recognize Arias' face on the figure and suddenly things made a lot more sense.
"O-oh. Y-Yes well, I just woke up and... Panicked when I thought thou hadst left me.. without farewell." Gwyndolin spoke, a bit of fear coming through his voice as he did.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I woke up around half an hour ago, and you looked so peaceful as you slept, I didn't want to wake you. So I got out of bed and got comfortable here on the window." Arias explained.
"Hmph, well I would hast appreciated if thou hadst told me." Gwyndolin huffed, crossing his arms.
"I just sai-" Arias started before being interrupted.
"Excuses, excuses!" Gwyndolin playfully scolded him, making exaggerated hand movements. There was a small silence before the both of them chuckled.
"hahahahh. Well, I don't suppose thou wouldst mind if I joined thee?" Gwyndolin asked, remembering his dream and wanting to experience something like that in reality.
"Sure!... But, no nevermind... I don't think there's enough room." He said, disappointed.
"Ah, not to worry, I know of a place we can both fit and watch the moon together!" Gwyndolin exclaimed happily. Quickly he got out of his bed and grabbed his gown, swiftly pulling it on and beckoning Arias to follow him.
"Come, take mine hand!" He excitedly held out his right hand.
"Sure." Arias said, hopping down and taking his hand, luckily he was already dressed in his undershirt and leggings by now. Gwyndolin quickly pulled him out of the room and lead him down the hall, up a few stairwells into another ridiculously long hall. Arias was surprised his snakes could move so fast, almost falling over going up the stairs, making Gwyndolin giggle slightly before asking if he was okay.
"Ah, here." Gwyndolin stopped by a large window around 10 meters into the hall. The window itself was about 4 times as tall as Arias and 5 times as wide, so they definitely weren't going to have trouble fitting onto it. The hall was filled with these windows, making Arias wonder why Gwyndolin chose this one in particular.
His thought train was quickly derailed when he felt the sharp breeze brush across his face as the window was opened wide. Gwyndolin slithered over and carefully sat himself on the windowsill, said windowsill was also ridiculously large so they didn't have to worry about falling off at least.
"Come!" Gwyndolin beckoned, patting a spot next to him on the windowsill. Arias replied with a simple sure and promptly sat next to him. The god was quick to get comfy and lean on him, as they both comfortably gazed at the moon hanging in the sky. Arias couldn't help but be surprised by how happy Gwyndolin seemed, just yesterday he was in tears for so long.
Seems that what he'd said and done had really helped. As Arias looked over to the god, Gwyndolin looked back, smiling with the brightest, widest smile he'd ever seen. Seeing such a smile on that face, it warmed his heart enough to block out the cold winds. He didn't notice but a smile had crept onto his own face, having a similar affect on the god.
Gwyndolin turned his gaze back to the moon and Arias couldn't help but do the same, it's sliver radiance filling their eyes as they soaked in the pure beauty of it.
"It's strange, whenever I look at the moon... I'm filled with this strange sense of... I'm not sure what. It's like, a memory, a sad one..." Arias spoke, struggling as he was unsure of exactly how to put his emotions into words.
"Nostalgia..." Gwyndolin thought out loud, remembering the dream he'd had.
"I think that could be it. It does feel very familiar, almost like I've done it before, countless times... In a distant lost memory of solace..." Arias agreed with the god, finally managing to put the strong emotions he felt into somewhat cohesive sentences.
"...Dost thou think it relates to one an old memory? Perhaps one that... still lay on the cusp of thine mind?" Gwyndolin asked. A part of him deep down wanted to see if it was possible to bring back Arias' memories, especially after the vivid dream he'd just had.
"I don't know. If you're right then that's amazing but... No it doesn't feel... It feels like my mind is reaching for something that isn't there, but also like, a connection still exists, despite the accompanying memory being long gone." Arias finally concluded.
"Oh.." Gwyndolin mumbled in disappointment.
"Mmhm." Arias hummed, sharing his disappointment.
"Though I am glad. Even without my memories, I can still feel a phantom connection to the past, through the moon. And for that I should at the very least be thankful." He spoke solemnly, looking directly up into the sky. In this moment he was distant, as if Gwyndolin was just observing a long lasting relationship between two supportive friends.
"...I suppose so." Gwyndolin agreed, joining him in gazing at the sky. The two sat in silence for a moment, simply enjoying the quiet and the view, before Arias spoke up again.
"So, what about yourself?"
"Hm?" Gwyndolin shifted his gaze back to Arias, confused by the question.
"You told me that you were born under the moon. Did you ever feel a connection to it?" Arias asked, finally turning his own gaze back to Gwyndolin.
"Obviously!" Gwyndolin chuckled.
"It is true I do feel a connection with it. But not in such a romanticized way. It's as if it is an extension of mineself, like a limb. Of course that is not the truth of the matter but that is how it feels. Like it's just there, with me, at all times even when I do not see it." He explained.
"Though there was a time, I was upset after.. Well a family get together thou couldst say. After which I locked mineself in mine room and sat by an open window. I did not cry, I simply watched as the moon stood mighty in the sky. It was comforting, the silence, the silver rays of moonlight." His speech slowed as he recalled it all.
"Sounds like a bittersweet night." Arias noted.
"Yes. 'Twas indeed bittersweet. But I wouldst say that the positives outshined the negatives. 'Twas certainly worth the struggle, for that moment of peace." Gwyndolin responded somberly.
"I can say the same." Arias spoke.
"Hm?"
"That it was worth it. The struggle, the pain, the countless deaths and mutilations. Even the near hollowing and loss of memory. For this night with you. Hell I'd do it all over again for another." He smiled, taking the moment to rest his arm around Gwyndolin's shoulder, taking him into a small embrace.
"As would I, there art few prices too high for this." Gwyndolin smiled, leaning into the embrace and laying his head next to Arias'. So warm once again. Their very own fire, to fend off the cold of the night.
"I love you."
"I love thee too."
A/N I think so far this was my favorite chapters in the story, to work on at least. As always I hope you liked it and I'll see you all soon