Chapter 23 - Forgiveness.

Harm woke renched in sweat. He abruptly sat up and immediately regretted his decision when the wound on his side quickly reminded him of the melee in Mac's apartment as did the dull ache from where a bullet grazed his arm.

His head pounded and despite his aching body, the need to relieve himself made the choice of getting out of bed an easy one. In the middle of the night, in a fever induced haze he recalled Mac coming to him, covering his body with all the covers she could find to stop him from shivering.

She cleaned and rebandaged the wound and then placed a pillow at his side to prevent him from rolling over.

That all seemed like a dream and as he stood and began a slow march to the bathroom his eyes searched for her in the dim light of the loft. Mac lay on her side, her back to him as she slept curled up in the fetal position. She seemed so fragile to him and the urge to hold a pistol for his protection waned significantly.

He still grabbed the weapon, leaving it on the corner of the sink as he used the head and then hopped into the shower with a toothbrush in his mouth. The lukewarm water felt good over his battered body and cleaning the funk of the last few days off of him left him feeling like a new man.

Harm shaved some of his facial hair as well, trimming the beard that grew craggly and unkempt. He slicked his hair back with his fingers, wrapped a towel around his waist and returned to the living area with his pistol in hand.

It wasn't surprising that Mac no longer lay on the couch but it did give him pause to find the bed stripped of the sheets. They lay in a pile on the floor as she worked the correct sides to stretch the fitted sheet across the mattress. "What are you doing?"

Harm's voice was harsher than he intended, making both of them wince. He swallowed, cleared his throat and tried to speak again but, Mac cut him off. "I mean-"

"Are you going to point that at me again?" She spat out, her eyes puffy and yet they held the fire he expected from her when he did something incredibly stupid. "Use it if you're going to."

Looking down at the palm of his hand Harm realized the pistol felt heavier than ever, like an anchor weighing him down. He brought it up, hit the release and let the magazine fall to the ground with a loud clang. The chamber was inspected for a cartridge and after finding none, Harm turned the pistol around and offered it to her. "Mac I'm…I'm sorry."

"You'd better be." She took the weapon and placed it on the small table on the side of the bed and,with a sigh tended to the bed. "The sheets were wet and covered in blood. I wanted to change them last night but you were out of it again." Mac slipped the pillows into their cases and held one to her chest when she turned to look at him.

Shadows fell over her beautiful face but it was the look in her eyes that killed him. What had he done and why? Funny how something that made perfect sense several days ago felt pointless now.

Would he have shot her? Harm couldn't answer because the man who came to her apartment with murderous intent was almost gone now and replaced by emptiness. Fuck. What had he done? "Mac-"

"I never thought it would end like this." She said sadly. "I foolishly thought…well, I thought. I don't know, honestly." While at first Mac hated him flying for the agency, it had made their relationship easier for a time. They were openly dating, happy until… "I just didn't think we'd end like this."

"Mac, this isn't the end. I don't want it to be the end. I messed up but I can fix it. Let me fix us, please."

The desperation in his voice tore at her heart but she couldn't be sure that his actions were merely a passing thing. "You don't trust me."

"You didn't trust me either…not really. I can't blame you, I had secrets."

"I had secrets too, Harm. And mine didn't revolve around you." She sat on the edge of the bed still holding the pillow like a shield. "I wasn't sent to spy on you, if that's the crap he fed you. You've never been a mark…until now."

"Now? Why now?"

Mac shook her head. "Kershaw is looking for something, a laptop that you have. He didn't tell me why or what was on it."

Harm's eyes shifted to the bookbag atop the small dining table and the laptop, his laptop that was hidden in a compartment in the rear. "How does he know about it?"

"He didn't say." But the laptop was the least of her worries, what concerned Mac the most was his other request, the one that involved Clayton Webb. She swallowed hard and considered not telling Harm but the lies between them needed to end once and for all. "Kershaw wants me to sleep with Clay."

"What? He told you that?" The very thought made him blanch and queasy enough that Harm sat next to her. When she nodded his breathing turned ragged, his fists shook and the want to slam his fist into the first hard object he saw only ceased because her hand fell over his forearm. "Goddamnit!"

"He didn't outright say it but-"

"He didn't have to, that sonofabitch." And that was how younger officers were duped. Implications that led them astray. Assignments with no end in sight. If Webb so much as touched a hair on her head, Harm would annihilate him. "Mac, I'm sorry. For this…for all of this."

"I never should have left with him. It started with me. He wanted me. I just don't know why he can't let it go." Her breath caught when the pad of his thumb wiped a tear from her cheek and a rough palm cupped her face. She'd known how tender he could be even when Harm claimed he was anything but and she missed that. She missed him so damned much.

"Because you're an intelligent, practical, kick-ass jarhead. You're sweet and you're beautiful and…and." Harm closed his eyes and summoned the strength to tell her, to really tell her what he'd been hiding all of these years. "I love you…I'm..I'm in love with you. And if I lost you, if you don't want-"

Mac pressed her fingers against his lips, silencing him while her eyes tried to read his. They were the brightest, clearest blue like the most perfect sky. He was telling the truth and when her hand dropped from his mouth she replaced her fingers with her lips.

It was a sweet kiss, not crazy and passionate but it was what they both needed.

"This doesn't magically fix things between us." Mac said when they broke apart. Despite the affection in his eyes and the way her body tingled when his hand threaded through hers, there were many more apologies needed and time for forgiveness.

Harm sighed. "I know. But, it's a start."

He laid on the freshly made bed while Mac attended to his wounds. The slice across his bicep was superficial and she decided it was best to leave uncovered. His side was another story. Thankfully the wound began to heal and the blood barely seeped through the bandages. She still thoroughly cleaned the angry patch of skin and double checked there was nothing left inside before applying a fresh dressing.

"You're good at this."

"When I don't have a gun held at me." She murmured while holding the edge of the dressing wrapper between her teeth.

"Never gonna live that down am I?" He snorted. "Hey kids, did I tell you 'bout the time I held mom at gunpoint? How about the time she held me at gunpoint? That's another fun story."

Mac gave him a pointed glare, smoothed the tape over the gauze that covered the dressing and then straightened. "I've never…I would never."

"Never?"

"No!"

Harm pulled his shirt down and chuckled. "Well, I seem to remember a Marine Major pointing the business side of a Beretta at me in Red Rock Mesa."

"I did not…Oh." She grinned at the memory of their very first adventure of many. A man she just met who was willing to give up everything for her and Uncle Matt. Mac was pretty sure she began falling for him then as they sat side by side in a helicopter, their shoulders touching.

"Would you have shot me? Really shot me?"

"To maim, yes. To kill…" She thought back to that younger version of herself that knew little about the man that joined her. "If it seemed you would have hurt me or Matt, yes. Yes I would have shot to kill…and it would have haunted me forever."

Harm sat up and leaned against the pillows that rested on the headboard and then reached out to touch her. The finger that once had the ring he'd created was bare and as he brushed his thumb over it Harm let out a long sigh. "He had me convinced. There was evidence, so much of it. Pictures of you. Training exercises, page after page of transcriptions that I spent nights going through."

"Did any of it mention you?"

"It didn't have to." Harm detailed the attack, the men that entered his seemingly secure home on the water and tried to kill him. As far as he knew only four people on this Earth knew of his exact location and she was one of them. The men passing along information couldn't have betrayed him and that only left her. Mac knew how to find him. She knew the marina, the color of the boat and where it would be moored.

She'd spent enough days in the Ozarks for him to point out several of his hiding spots like the old inn or the cove that was miles away from the main drag. The more Will detailed his discovery, the less faith Harm had until his mind was twisted enough to destroy her. Only it would have destroyed him too and Harm was ready to perish after he took that fatal shot.

"Webb manipulated me too." She spat out. "He kept calling you a traitor and he was right. I may have…Well, I did go to your apartment. You were right, it was ransacked."

"What about the ring?"

Mac wished she could have found it first and read the note he'd left for her. But that fortune didn't align. Instead the sadistic son of a bitch that was after her presented it as if it were his gift to give. "Webb found it first. He gave it to me…It's beautiful."

"Did you wear it?"

"No." She shook her head. "I couldn't. The bastard took all that was good out of it when he touched it." Mac frowned and pulled her hand out of his grasp. "Harm, I found the money, the passports."

"Good."

"No. I showed the documents to Kershaw. I'm sorry for that. I just.. I was confused, I wasn't sure and I guess I did, I did betray you."

"Where are they now?"

Thankfully the director gave them back without a fuss and they, along with the cash, were in the safest place possible. "At JAG, in my safe. It made sense at the time to keep my normal routine." And now it was impossible to return to Falls Church or Georgetown or even Langley with far less people to trust.

"It's okay, Mac. I'll figure it out just give me time."

Time? Did they have any left? "Can we be found here?"

"No. We're as off grid as possible. Nothing can trace this place back to me. You're safe."

Harm fell asleep shortly after their conversation and woke in the early afternoon. He showered, changed and when he walked out Mac was standing by the stove stirring something in a medium sized pot. Whatever it was made his mouth water and for the first time since they arrived at the hangar he was actually hungry.

He leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom and simply stared at her. Mac was barefoot, wearing a pair of his boxers that she rolled up at the waist which made them rise up her thighs. The top was an undershirt that was ridiculously large on her and yet, made her look adorable all the same.

Grinning, he pushed off the frame and came to the table where bowls and spoons were placed across from one another. "Watcha making?"

Mac shrugged. "Whatever I could find. The place is stocked but mostly with non-perishables. I did what I could." She continued stirring and tasting and adding this herb and that herb until the stew actually seemed edible.

"It's good." Harm stated when Mac set a full bowl in infront of him and he'd taken his first bite. She'd done an excellent job of masking the "canned" taste and he appreciated her efforts. "There's a small town near here. Tourists mostly pass through to do a little antiquing. We can get some real food…fresh food. This place wasn't ever really meant to be sustainable for more than a day or two."

"What then? We stay here? Forever?"

"Does that sound so bad?"

He wore a cute smile, the kind that usually irritated Mac because it often came with an irrational desicion on his part. "Harm, we can't stay here."

"No we can't but it will buy us time… To do what, I'm not sure." Harm had contacts but none that he could really trust. Their friends were out of the question and although Chegwidden was sure to be an ally, he needed to find an untraceable way to speak to the man and give him the information he held. That would take time.

Mac lay her spoon against the bowl and leaned forward, her head propped up on the palm of her hand. She smiled coyly and then pointed at the backpack that was on the chair closest to him. "Do you know what I miss the most? Working with you. Being your partner, your confidant. Even the sketchiest cases, even when we were on opposite sides we worked together. We found the truth. We need to do that now, work together - you and me."

She was right, he knew and all his want to keep her out of his businees, to keep Mac safe was worthless now. They were both in the thick of it and he needed to trust her like he did before. Mac had always been the more rational of the two, the balance to his often impulsive actions.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours." She said suddenly and then pushed away from the table to locate the jacket of her uniform. It hung in the small closet and from within a tiny hidden pocket Mac pulled out a thin USB drive. She placed it on top of the table and slid it his way.

"What's on it?"

Mac shrugged. "Kershaw stepped out of his office long enough for me to copy it. Your guess is as good as mine but, it's important. He always keeps it in a locked drawer."

Harm held it in the palm of his hand and let out a deep breath before reaching for the backpack. Behind a padded area, he located the tiny tab of a zipper that he pulled free in order to reach the hidden compartment where the laptop was. "I'vd been afraid to turn it on and have Kitcher track me."

She took the device from him and propped it open. "I may have a way around that."

Harm slept while Mac tinkered using her expertise in computers to secure a connection that made the laptop untraceable before even begining to search through thr thumb drive. The encryption was proving to be hell to break and she banged her fist against the table and cursed a little too loudly.

It forced Harm to wake, his eyes squinting at the small light glowing from the kitchen. He followed the source and stood diretly behind Mac, his hands dropping to her shoulders that he kneaded.

"I can't break the damned encryption. Not without giving us away." She huffed and placed her hands over his that rested on her shoulders. "Damnit, Harm. I can do this, I know I can but I'm missing…something."

"Come to bed." He commanded gently as one hand reached around and snapped the laptop shut much to Mac's displeasure.

"I can't this-"

"Tomorrow's a new day. It's the middle of the night, you can't tell me you've slept well on that crappy little sofa. You need to rest." He took her hand and tugged gently not surprised when Mac dug her heels in and stopped them from moving. "What is it?"

"I can't sleep on that bed with you."

"Oh." Of course she wouldn't want to even if it was just to sleep. He'd pointed a weapon at her and thought of…of… why would she want to be near him that way. "I won't touch you."

"Harm, you're healing. You need good rest. I can roll over, I can hurt you."

She was serious and Harm snorted at the thought. "In a fist fight, maybe. But, I've slept next to you and for the most part, you barely move. Now, c'mon. I'll be fine."

Mac glanced between him and the bed that looked so comfy and inviting compared to her little couch. Another night on that sofa wouldn't kill her but, he was right - she needed good sleep. "Okay. Let me use the head first."

Harm was already in bed when she returned and he playfully patted the spot next to him and then raised the covers for her to crawl under. He figured Mac would stay on her side and not come anywhere near him but once he shut the light off, he felt her scoot closer.

Her head fell onto his shoulder, one hand rested on his chest. He heard a murmured, "I forgive you, Harm. Even if it hurts like hell. But, I need you to forgive me too."

"I already have." Harm pressed a kiss against her temple and brought an arm around her. For the first time since their faked breakup, everything felt real and normal.