A/N: Hello, reader! So I hit a road-block with the omake I originally intended to post, which was going to be connected to that project from Inoichi. It was basically going to be a lot of humorous world-building, but oh well. Instead, you get these four! These are canon events in this story, but COMPLETELY unrelated to the storyline. Filler, basically. You can skip them, or read them, either way, enjoy! Read the A/N at the end for more of my rambling.
How Many Shinobi does it Take to Bake some Cookies?
No one really knew how the hell this had happened.
One minute, Naruto was training with Ino, and then she was training with Ino and Tenten, and somehow Neji and Lee had found them.
And somehow, once they'd finished that very odd training session, they'd ended up at Tenten's house.
Every. Single. One. Of them.
Her father and grandmother had taken a trip out of village a few days ago, to trade weapons and such.
Which, left a group of brats with no supervision.
So one might ask, what exactly can they even get up to? They're shinobi, and Neji is too much of a stickler to let them do anything legally reprehensible. And, Lee is too much of a goody-two shoes to do anything morally reprehensible, or just unyouthful.
So what could they even do?
Well, one would think their night would be calm, fun...
But they'd completely fucking wrong if they ever thought that, for even a moment.
"I'm boreeed." Ino whined, twirling a strand of blonde hair around her finger.
Neji clicked his tongue in annoyance, and she fought back the urge to snap at him. It would be unladylike, after all.
Naruto, on the other hand, had no such qualms.
"C'mon grumpy, wipe that look off your face. We can totally see it in your eyes. You're bored too." Naruto challenged, causing the flaxen-haired Yamanaka to brighten a bit.
Ino really wasn't used to people standing up for her, it was always the other way around. Another perk to befriending someone like Naruto, she supposed.
When Ino had first been introduced to Tenten, they'd hit it off immediately, and became quick friends. Even if it was a little awkward at first.
And then, well, she'd met Tenten's teammates...
She supposed they weren't too bad, though they were polar opposites of her team. Shikamaru and Choji were lazy bastards, Lee was a training-nut, and Neji was all haughty and socially-awkward.
At least Neji was pretty, she internally consoled herself.
"We should do a youthful group activity!" Lee proclaimed loudly, pumping his fist in the air.
"Like what?" Tenten asked, looking up from the book she'd been reading.
"I hope whatever your idea is, involves food." Naruto said, stretching out on Tenten's couch. Her legs were stretched across Tenten's lap, who was sitting between Naruto and Ino.
For some reason, Lee was on the birchwood floors instead of a tatami mat, or the loveseat. Neji had opted to take the recliner, and was actually slouched in it.
Seeing Neji without perfect posture and effortless grace was a bit of a surprise, but a welcome one.
"Great idea, Naru! We can bake cookies! Or maybe a cake!" Tenten suggested, and everyone seemed to perk up.
"Hell yeah!" Naruto cheered, rolling off of Tenten and right onto the floor. She hit the ground with a loud thud, but was completely unaffected.
Lee pulled her up, looking strangely excited about the idea of baking. "WE MUST MAKE BOTH!" Lee proclaimed, "Learning to bake is a wonderful team exercise, if Guy-sensei were here, he would approve!"
Neji sighed, seeming to accept that this was how he'd be spending his evening.
In minutes, everyone was crowded into Tenten's kitchen and searching for something to bake.
"Well, I don't have any cookie mix, but we can totally do it from scratch!" Tenten said optimistically, looking up at her cabinets.
"Do you any of you even know how to bake?" Neji questioned, sounding awfully exasperated.
The room went silent, the chirping of crickets outside could be heard loud and clear.
Naruto cleared her throat, looking amongst their rag-tag group.
"Well, I can cook.." Said, Tenten. "Yeah, me too! It can't be all that different, right?" Ino smiled, but Neji didn't seem all that convinced.
"This is an opportunity to learn something new, do not look so downtrodden, Neji!" Lee patted Neji's back forcefully, and Neji looked even less convinced now.
"Okay, theennn! What the hell does it take to make some cookies anyway?" Naruto asked, leaning against the counter.
"Um, flour, baking soda... Eggs, vanilla.." Ino counted on her fingers, finishing with uncertainty.
"Chocolate chips, sugar, brown sugar too," Tenten tapped against her chin.
"and Butter, right?" Naruto finished, sitting on Tenten's countertop.
"Neji, you preheat the oven and get the cookie tray ready.. Ino, you get the stuff from the fridge, and since Naruto is sitting on my counter, she can get the stuff from the cabinet."
"Who died and made you team captain?" Naruto mumbled, before literally standing on the countertop and digging through cabinets.
"What about me?" Lee asked, a slight undertone of heartbreak in his voice.
"Er, you're on standby, Lee." Tenten said, scratching the back of her head.
Neji didn't seem all that happy with his role, he didn't really want any part of this foolishness. Knowing this group, someone would end up on fire and the cookies would probably taste worse than tree bark. He was about to offer to switch him roles, but then Naruto had to speak.
"Found the chocolate chips, catch, Lee!" Naruto threw the bag of chocolates behind her with unnecessary force, but Lee caught the bag in a flash.
"EXCELLENT THROW, NARUTO!" Lee cheered, and Naruto smiled. It wasn't her usual sweet, good-natured smile... No, this was a smile much more mischievous, more vulpine.
"Nice catch, but can you do it again?" Naruto asked, narrowing her blue eyes.
Simultaneously, the other three occupants of the room grimaced. This couldn't be good.
"Is that a challenge?" Lee questioned, fire igniting in his round eyes.
"I dunno, is it?!" Naruto swerved around, whipping a bottle from the cabinet and throwing it as hard as she could. Well, as hard as she could safely. They were indoors, after all.
Lee ran across the room to catch it, right before it would've went through the kitchen window.
Tenten was trying to diffuse the situation, "Now now, no need to wreck my kitchen-" She abruptly shut up when Lee spoke, losing any hope of making them stop.
"Is that all you have got?" Lee taunted. Tenten slumped in defeat. It was over, her kitchen would be ruined and all they would have to show for it would be some cookies.
"Box of cake mix, coming in hot!" Naruto tossed the box, Lee sliding across to grab it just before it hit the ground.
"So you have cake mix, but not cookie mix?" Neji asked incredulously.
"Mind your own business!" Tenten said, her face stuck in a sour pout.
Ino snorted, poking Naruto's leg.
"Hey, Naru,"
The other blonde was momentarily distracted, and Lee spotted a large bag of flour which Tenten pulled out minutes ago.
Tenten and Neji were talking to each other, and Naruto was distracted, it was the perfect opportunity.
"You should see if he can dodge these-" Naruto reached down to take something from Ino's hand, but it was too late for her. Ino saw just in time, able to throw herself away from the incoming weapon of mass destruction.
Lee had hefted the bag of flour up, and thrown it right at Naruto.
And of course...
The bag burst.
The entire vicinity surrounding Naruto, was coated in a thick layer of white flour. Ino had avoided most of the blast, by throwing herself to the ground.
But no one had been entirely spared.
Neji, who had his back facing the two, had blocked Tenten from the blast. From head to toe, Neji's backside was coated in flour.
Naruto, who was momentarily baffled, grinned something evil. Her eyes were narrowed, her nose wrinkled, and her jaw was clenched in fury.
"You've done it now, Lee!" She shouted, a vicious rage in her words.
In her hands, she had many pieces of silverware, handed to her by Ino right before the flour attack.
"Get him, Naruto!" Ino screamed, pointing at him indignantly.
Neji was visibly seething, his left eye twitching wildly and his hands clenched impossibly tight.
Tenten broke into cartoonish tears, falling onto her knees.
"MY KITCHEN IS COVERED IN FLOUUUUR!" She sobbed.
As if she were deaf to Tenten's cries, Naruto began throwing silverware like darts, and Rock Lee was just barely capable of dodging. At some point, Neji had straightened himself up, and began calmly using the remains of the flour to start the cookie mix.
He began mixing the ingredients, while Ino was trying to get all the flour off of her, and Tenten tried wiping it off the dark-oak cabinets.
All the while, butter knifes, chopsticks, forks, and spoons were zipping around the room wildly, all aimed at one boy in green. After a while of narrowly dodging silverware, Tenten gave up and started the cake, whilst Ino decided to help with the cookies.
"DIE ALREADY!" A hoarse voice, belonging to one Naruto Uzumaki bellowed out.
"I think three eggs will do." Ino said calmly, looking at the cookie dough she and Neji were working on. He nodded stiffly in response, agreeing. The consistency of the dough was perfect, after all.
Ino looked over her shoulder, "Hey!" she demanded, catching the attention of the room.
For some reason, everyone froze, as if she were in charge. That brought joy to Ino's bossy side, for sure.
"Don't cry in the cake batter Tenten-chan, it'll get all salty." She said, giving the girl a kind pat on the back.
Tenten sniffled, nodding as the chaos resumed.
Neji was nearing his breaking point, he'd told himself he'd be a good person, he'd tolerate his simpleton friends, but this was getting to be too much.
Seriously, they were shinobi, not children! (Well, Ino was 13? But that wasn't his point.) How could five teens cause this much trouble?
Looking around Tenten's kitchen, he could only grimace as he angrily molded the cookie dough into shape.
Half of the room was coated in flour, there were forks, chopsticks, knives... All sticking out of the floor, and walls. And a few drops of Lee's blood, on the floor.
"YOU WILL HAVE TO BE FASTER, NARUTO! LET THE FLAMES OF YOUR YOUTH EMPOWER YOU!" Lee shouted bombastically, ignoring the fork-shaped wounds on him.
"ILL SHOW YOU FASTER YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" Naruto took her last handful of silverware, and in a stroke of genius, decided to go for a wide-area attack.
By throwing them as fast, as hard as she could, in every direction. Neji ducked below a fork, barely making it fly overhead. Unfortunately, it managed to nail his long, lustrous hair... Right to Tenten's cabinet.
His hair. Was nailed to the wood of her cabinet...
With a fork..
That was it. The last straw.
The room was once again silent, and had they been in a desert, a tumbleweed would've rolled by. Alas, they were in a kitchen, so no such thing happened.
With a wildly twitching hand, Neji reached up, and grasped the fork.
Pulling it out slowly, he turned his eyes to Naruto, and then to Lee.
Naruto was sweating bullets, with her hands raised defensively. Lee was hiding behind Naruto.
He wasn't sure when the hell Naruto had got down from the counter, or when Lee had decided to use her as a shield, but it didn't matter. Neji sucked in a long, deep breath from his nose.
He closed his eyes, and tried to swallow the rage inside him.
Tolerance... It was something he needed to work in even further, because all he could think about right now was throwing both of them out the nearest window. Which, coincidentally, wasn't that far away...
Instead, Neji took another deep breath, and slowly began walking towards them. Like a stalking jaguar, he made his way right up to the tiny blonde responsible.
"Hey O-Neji-sama, I really didn't mean to do that, but Lee is such a pesky little bastard an' he kept fuckin' dodging! So I had to aim far and wide, 'ttebayo... You understand, right? I'd never try to hurt you, you're one of my best buds, for rea-"
"Silence." He said, those fearsome white eyes glued to her.
She squeaked, nodding enthusiastically.
"You and Lee are going to sit in the corner, like the children you are. I will not hear any ifs, buts, or anything of the sort-"
"Wha-"
"No. Corner. Now."
She swallowed thickly, before bowing her head. She needed to pick and choose her battles, and Neji didn't look like he felt very merciful. She really didn't want all her tenketsu disabled.
"Right away, O-Neji-sama!" She said, saluting him and zipping away, to sit in the nearest corner.
That left Lee, shaking in his metaphorical boots.
"Corner." Neji repeated, releasing KI the likes of which would impress Ibiki Morino.
Following Naruto's lead, he gave a quick salute, and joined the blonde.
Both of them had an aura of doom looming overhead, like an oppressive cloud. They hugged their knees to their chests in silence, accepting the punishment.
"And when we are finished baking, you two will be cleaning this mess." Neji said, turning on his heel to resume backing.
Things were peaceful after that... Just kidding, of course they weren't. There were about ten minutes of peace, before hell resumed.
The first tray of cookies had finally finished, and Ino was happily going to take them out.
The problem was.. Ino wasn't the smartest girl.
She bent over the oven, taking out the cookie pan with ease. Then, like a genius, she slid in the empty cake pan.
She began filling it with batter, whilst in the oven..
And then, a large drop of batter fell...
And a fire broke out.
"FIRE!" Ino screamed, but she was too slow. Those ridiculous purple arm warmers of hers were too close to the flames, and promptly lit up.
Various screams broke out, and Neji immediately ran to put out the fire in the oven.
Naruto jumped up, and Tenten ran towards her, while Lee tried beating the fire out with a towel.
"IM ON FIREEEE!" Ino screamed, which only seemed to anger the Almighty Fire Gods, because the towel Lee was trying to put her out with, promptly ignited.
"OH SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK, YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE!" Naruto howled, just as Lee dropped the towel. Both he and Tenten began stomping out the flames, and Naruto got a brilliant idea.
Right down the hall was Tenten's bathroom.
Pumping chakra to her biceps, Naruto heaved Ino into the air.
Literally, she lifted the girl overhead, and ran off.
"NARUUUTOOOO PUT ME DOWN! IM STILL BURNING YOU IDIOT!" She screamed belligerently, and Naruto obliged, dropping the other blonde in the bathtub.
The arm warmers must've been flame-resistant, because they hadn't burned up yet. Ino was lucky in that regard.
Without a word, Naruto turned on the shower-head, and began spraying Ino with it.
"MOTHERFUCKER!" Ino shouted, shaking like a leaf under the ice-cold water.
Naruto froze...
"Did you just say... Motherfucker?" The pigtail-wearing girl questioned.
Ino stared at her blankly, completely exhausted, and completely full of adrenaline simultaneously.
"So?" She questioned, a deadpan expression falling onto the soaked girl's face.
"Isn't that like, unladylike?"
Ino blinked, before scowling.
"Whatever!"
"I'm totally rubbing off on you! Man, that's great, you're gonna have a potty-mouth in no time!" Naruto said, giggling maniacally.
"THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE CONCERNED WITH?! I COULD'VE DIED!" Ino yelled, waving her arms frantically.
Naruto blinked. "But you didn't, did ya? You don't even got any burns." She said, shrugging.
"THAT WAS TRAUMATIC! LOOK AT ARM-WARMERS, THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE CHARCOAL!" Naruto rolled her eyes, turning off the shower.
"Ten-chan, we're home early!" An older, female voice called.
Ino froze, Naruto froze, exchanging terrified glances.
"Her grandma.." Naruto rasped.
"Her dad.." Ino added, looking fearful.
Simultaneously, the girls spoke.
"Aw, Shiiii-"
~next omake~
T&I Movie Night
When Naruto was promoted to an official member of the Torture and Interrogation unit, she hadn't expected this.
She'd expected to be respected, to do high rank interrogations and torture sessions, to handle the most important fiends a newbie could.. She expected more camaraderie from her fellow T&I nin, less babying, that sorta thing...
What she hadn't expected...
Was a secret, T&I ritual that only the bonafide, real-deal shinobi could engage in.
Only the true interrogators, the sadists, the torturing extraordinaires could be a part of...
T&I Movie Night.
The worst part wasn't that all these experienced shinobi were huddled up in the conference room... Now turned into some kind of living room, huddled next to one another before the projection screen like a bunch of kids in a movie theater...
It wasn't that they were arguing over the best kinds of popcorn when she'd arrived, be it Kettle or Extra Buttery... Nor was it that everyone except her was wearing some goth version of pajamas, with animal slippers and fuzzy blankets..
It was the argument over which romantic comedy would be the best for a rainy night...
She looked around the room, seeing several familiar faces.
There was Anko, in a tank-top and purple plaid pants, with a charcoal face mask on. Then there was Yugao, who wasn't even an official member of T&I, she was ANBU-
Did that mean that past members were included in this bizarre ritual, or that they invited people who hung around often?
Yugao was huddled next to Hayate, who was smoking a cigarette as if his lungs weren't in total disrepair, wearing a red flannel set of pajamas.
Mozuku, an insignificant member as far as Naruto was concerned, was wearing sheep-patterned black pajamas, and he was arguing with a beautiful Yamanaka woman about popcorn. How did she manage to look so perfect with a messy bun and pajamas?! Witchcraft, probably..
And then of course, there was Ibiki. Who was somehow managing to make fuzzy skull-print pajama pants look dignified.
When they'd sent a missive for her, at literally three a.m Naruto had leapt out of bed and threw on the nearest clothes.. Hence her orange leggings and baggy black sweater. At least she didn't stand out too badly.
Though, she was wearing sandals, whilst others were wearing socks or animal slippers.
Seeing Anko with fuzzy monster slippers, was an odd sight.. At least she knew Anko's favorite color was definitely purple, now.
Ibiki grunted, waving her over. She snapped out of her stupor, choosing to reluctantly accept this as her life. Very, very reluctantly, of course.
"NEWBIE GETS TO PICK THE MOVIE!" He shouted over the commotion.
Whispers went about, and as Naruto stepped closer, some of them were right in her ear. She didn't pay any heed to them, not sparing the gossipers a glance. Even so, she couldn't ignore their hushed voices entirely.
"You should pick Icha Icha: Makeout Tactics!"
"No, she should pick Sleepless in Kumo!" A hushed voice disagreed.
"Yeah right, everyone knows Pretty Kunoichi is better for nights like this!" A third voice whispered.
"I wish we could watch Mean Kunoichi's.." A male voice said.
"Shut up, you always say that! It's not even a rom-com!" the first whisperer snapped.
"You don't even work here!" The male voice countered, causing them all to go quiet.
Naruto sat with her back to her coworkers, (?) instead looking over the DVD selection in front of her.
"How about… Icha Icha Paradise?" Naruto said, tapping the movie case. Ibiki stared at her in silence, before passing the CD case to Anko.
"I knew you had good taste, kid." Ibiki said, patting her shoulders.
She took that as a compliment, despite having picked the movie randomly. The girl on the CD cover was pretty, that was all.
"Ah geez, did anyone bring tissues?"
"Leave it to Ibiki to think an emotional movie like this is good."
"The sex scenes make all the angst better, though."
Naruto sweatdropped, paling slightly.
This certainly wasn't what she signed up for…
Maybe she should've aimed for ANBU instead, they certainly didn't do things like this..
~Next Omake~
Interrogating Kinda Sucks, yo.
Naruto sighed. Kids like this were her least favorite to interrogate. This boy had to be about her age, maybe give or take a year or so.
And still.. They couldn't be more different, yet maybe a little similar at the same time? She wasn't certain. She was certain, that this had went on for nearly two hours, and that this kid was fucking annoying, and that she wanted to go home.
"You're really not in trouble, I just need kno-"
"I'M NOT TALKIN! LOOK ME IN MY EYES, DO I LOOK LIKE A SNITCH TO YOU?"
Naruto looked him in his eyes.
Yes, yes he did. He looked exactly like a snitch.
Not that she'd say that though.
This kid was only here for alleged underage drinking and vandalism, something she could see herself doing, if she was honest.
That wasn't something she was particularly concerned with, but he'd been handed to T&I because he'd decided to draw on the walls of the Hyuuga compound.
Seriously, the fucking Hyuuga, of all people. Idiot.
Of course they'd notice, and of course they'd hand him in! Seriously, when she did stuff like that, at least she was aware of the consequences.
"Look, kid, all you gotta do is tell me-"
"I SAID LOOK ME IN MY EYES! I BEEN TO JAIL, I'M NOT AFRAID TO GO BACK! I'LL NEVER TELL, YA HEAR ME, BIMBO?"
Well, the first part was certainly false, because his record labeled him as a first-time offender.. But she was more concerned with what he'd just called her.
"Excuse me, bitch?" She questioned, moving in closer.
This boy was nothing if not audacious. He spit blood at her, which she literally just rotated her head to miss.
"I'LL NEVER TALK!" He said indignantly.
"I HAVEN'T EVEN HIT YOU YET! WHAT WAS THE POINT IN THAT? WHERE DID THAT BLOOD COME FROM?" She raised her voice, glaring daggers at him, then at the spot of blood on the floor.
"I SAW IT IN A MOVIE!"
"AND THE BLOOD?!"
"I BIT MY TONGUE?!" The girl slammed her palm to her face in response, and the boy looked down at the ropes tying him up with a bit of shame.
She walked away, well more like stomped, rather suddenly.
"OH SOMEONE GET THIS FUCKING MEATHEAD OUTTA HERE, I CAN'T DO THIS DUMB SHIT ANY LONGER!" Naruto said, dramatically kicking the door open as she made her exit.
Outside the room, another member of T&I was holding her stomach and howling with mirth.
Down the hall, the convict she'd left behind heard her scream once more,"I'M CLOCKING THE FUCK OUT. I'VE HAD ENOUGH. ENOUGH I TELL YOU!"
"Man, being interrogated kinda sucks, yo." The boy with the bloody mouth remarked to himself, making the laughing woman howl even louder.
~Next Omake~
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.
"Is this legal?" Tenten asked.
"Literally everything about this is illegal. I should know." Ino said, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"Wow, Ino Yamanaka, queen of legalese." Naruto commented dryly.
Said queen stuck her nose up, folding her arms. "You suck." The Yamanaka heiress muttered.
"C'mon guys… It's one horse, and we're just borrowing it…" Naruto tried to reason. She'd managed to convince both girls to follow her out here, in the dead of night, and she wasn't about to let it be for nothing.
Yes, Naruto had lured her two friends to a farm at three a.m, yes they were trespassing, and no, she didn't care.
"What the hell are we gonna do with it?" Tenten asked, clearly exasperated. "We're gonna ride it!" Naruto said cheerfully, patting the large mare.
"And… What're the buckets of paint for?" Ino asked, pointing to a storage scroll Naruto had unsealed.
"Oh, right. We're gonna paint the Hokage Monument pink." Naruto said nonchalantly, re-sealing the four cans of pink paint.
Tenten gasped, and Ino seemed slightly intrigued.
"...why?" Both Ino and Tenten asked.
"Oh you know, girl power, feminity, and all that. It'll piss off the village fossils to see their Hokages coated in different shades of pink." Naruto explained with a shrug, waving her hand dismissively. She even rolled her eyes, as if it was nothing. "You know what? I'm in." Ino said, nearly instantaneous.
"Ino!" Tenten reprimanded, looking over at her, then back at Naruto. Naruto, in all her Shinobi-turned-Cowgirl glory, had already mounted the horse.
"What? It'll be funny. Besides, as long as they don't catch us, we're fine!" Ino said, starting to grin.
Tenten knew for a fact that was true, considering what she and Naruto had done to the Jounin Committee building all those months ago.
And Naruto knew, even if they were caught, they wouldn't be punished severely. She had experience in getting caught vandalizing the Hokage Monument, after all.
"You know… When you told me the theme for our sleepover was Cowgirl Chic, I should've known." Tenten said with visible exasperation.
The Yamanaka tipped her neon pink cowboy-hat, and the rhinestones she'd glued on genuinely sparkled, making an audible, 'ping!' noise.
Ino was by far the winner in the style department, mostly because she had made her hat herself. And because her outfit was so… Extreme.
The hat had an attached tiara, rhinestones, and fluffy pink feathers around the edges. The girl even had pink leather pants, matching pink leather tassel jacket, and hot pink boots.
Ino's color was usually purple, but apparently she'd switched it up for this particular occasion.
Tenten was much more casual with her outfit, wearing a red bandana around her neck, and a typical brown cowboy costume with two thick belts overlapping one another. She'd left her hair down, which cascaded down just past her shoulder-blades.
Naruto had also gone all out in her outfit, with a black leather jacket covered in tassels and poorly glued-on spikes, and of course a fake mustache too.
As for the rest of her outfit, she adorned knee-high boots with makeshift spurs, (they were just glued on shuriken…) leather chaps, with a pair of black leggings, to match her orange bandanna. Tenten almost wondered if Naruto had confused the outfits of a pirate and a Cowboy, because she had a plastic cutlass strapped to her leg, and a singular black eyepatch on.
Narhto also had an enormous cowboy hat, which was neon-orange, with three ridiculous tassels dangling from a fake flower that had been sloppily glued to it. Oh, and there was also a fake tropical bird on it, which Tenten had no damn idea how she'd managed to find…
Seriously, what store sold such realistic fake parakeets?
"Hop on girls!" She said, patting the horse.
Ino gave an appraising glance to the horse, before shrugging. Tenten followed after, though much more reluctantly.
Given that none of the girls were particularly large, and the horse was enormous, they all managed to fit.
"TO THE HOKAGE'S MONUMENT!" Naruto commanded, pointing onward.
The horse didn't move.
"Hey, are you deaf, horsey? I said To The Hokage's Monument."
Ino facepalmed, "Naruto, the horse can't understand you!"
Tenten snorted, and Naruto scowled.
"Well how do I make her go, then?!" The orange-clad cowgirl questioned, looking back at the girls behind her. Tenten wasn't certain, but she thought maybe that fake-bird was glaring at her...
"You take the reins, and you slap it's butt real hard!" Ino said, as if it were obvious.
"Why would I slap a horse's ass?" Naruto questioned, quirking an eyebrow.
"I don't know, it's what they do in movies!" Ino explained, shrugging.
Naruto was about to make her retort, but Tenten interrupted, dragging her attention away from the fake-bird... "That's not how you do it, that's like, animal cruelty. You're supposed to squeeze them with your legs."
"Oh, okay. Thanks Bunny!" Naruto said, giving the girls a thumbs up.
And wait a second, did that fake bird just blink? No, certainly imagined it… It was fake, after all. Ha, Tenten really should've got more sleep last night..
Ino tightened her arms around Naruto, whilst Tenten did the same to her.
Squeezing her legs, the horse took off on command.
Naruto gripped the reins tightly as the horse sped off, running towards the exit of the farm as Naruto guided it.
"Hey, I'm pretty good at this!" Naruto shouted, her raspy voice full of excitement.
"We're totally gonna end up in jail tonight!" Ino said, with a ridiculous sense of joy.
Naruto chuckled, "I think Ino is in her rebellion phase!" She commented lightheartedly, glancing back at Tenten.
Both Tenten and Ino laughed, worries forgotten as Naruto guided their horse to the short gate.
"C'mon horsey, jump for it!" Naruto cheered, and the horse obliged.
The trio of troublemaking kunoichi held onto each other tight, as the horse ran towards the gate.
Leaping into the air, the girls laughed and whooped as they soared for only a moment.
"This is so badass!" Tenten shouted, "Hell yeah it is! Aren't you glad we peer pressured you into it?" Naruto asked.
Ino's ponytail whipped in the wind, and she looked back to see Tenten grinning wildly, which was answer enough for her.
"I'll never admit to enjoying your schemes, Naru-chan, but wow!" Tenten shouted, as the horse ran through back-streets on the way to town.
It'd taken them an hour to walk there, but this horse was cutting travel time ridiculously short. Tenten almost felt sad about it, that the moment couldn't last longer. Naruto and Ino would've agreed.
It was around four A.M by now, and still dark as all hell.
"I can see the monument, Ino, take the reins!"
"HUH?!" The flaxen-blonde questioned, but it was too late, the other blonde had tossed the reins overhead, and all that Ino could do was go with the flow.
It was something the Yamanaka heiress was learning quickly from her fellow blonde. Ino found out she liked that kind of spontaneity. She liked not always being in control, just letting things go with the flow.
Not that she'd ever admit that.
Naruto closed her eyes, scanning the area for shinobi. Thankfully, the only nearby ninja were inside buildings, or far away. The coast was clear.
"Great job, Ino-chan, you can pass them back now!" Naruto said, but Ino grinned.
"No way, this is fun!" The rebellious Yamanaka cheered.
Naruto laughed, and the brunette in the back did too.
"In that case, giddy up, horsey!" Tenten patted the horse's behind lightly.
The horse went faster, causing the night air to bite at their skin even more. The air was cold in their lungs, their hair whipped behind them. The moonlight was the only thing illuminating the girls as they rode up to the peak of the Hokage Monument.
Ino pulled the reins back, and the horse took that as a signal to stop.
Carefully, she lifted the reins back over Naruto's head, not minding Tenten leaping off behind her. The brunette tended to the horse, cooing at it once both blondes had stepped off to begin their prank.
"Man, if my dad finds out, he'll kill you, then kill me with your dead body." Ino said, still grinning nonetheless.
She liked to show her dad just how capable she was, not some precious flower in need of protection. Naruto didn't know how accurate her earlier statement about Ino's rebellion was.
"You're damn right he will, which is why we won't let him find out! If he does, we might not be allowed to hang out anymore." Naruto said, actually feeling a tinge of regret now. Losing Ino wasn't worth a silly prank, not at all. Was Inoichi the type to ban Ino from bad influences? She wasn't sure, but it would be understandable if so. Ino was a clan heir, and she was well... She was just a coworker of his, a nobody in comparison.
She'd change that one day, of course, but her point remained.
"As if! Even if he said we couldn't, I'd just sneak out. That'd show him who's boss." Ino said, ending with a mischievous snicker. Naruto relaxed a bit, if Ino wasn't too concerned, she shouldn't be either.
It wasn't all that hard to imagine Ino bossing around her father, and that said something. Tenten didn't look all too surprised either, as if Ino's bossiness was more than expected.
Tenten looked at her friends, then at the monument they were going to deface.
She swallowed thickly, forcing down any second-guesses she might have.
'You only live once.' She repeated to herself. It'd be totally weak to back out now, no way she would.
If there was one thing Tenten truly hated, it was weak-natured types.
She supposed that's what attracted her to friends like Naruto and Ino, they were loud and proud. Tenten considered herself too passive for her own liking, they were as brave as she aspired to be.
Was vandalism an act of bravery, or stupidity? Probably both, she concluded.
"Okay, guys, grab a bucket! We're gonna just dump 'em down! I call dibs on pink-ifying the fourth!" Naruto said, picking up two cans of 50 gallon paint as if it were light as feathers.
Tenten whistled appreciatively, seeing Naruto lift those with one arm was certainly proof of Anko's great training. She looked over to Ino, to see the girl lifting one can of paint with both arms.
She shrugged internally, they'd make a training-nut out of her eventually.
The brunette's eyes wandered back to Naruto, who looked a little too gleeful about defacing the monument of her own father.
Tenten snorted, shaking her head before picking up a paint can in each arm.
"Tobirama Senju, feel my wrath!" Ino shouted, dumping her paint down the stone-head.
"Take this, Namikaze scum!" Naruto said between boisterous laughs, dumping magenta paint.
That left two Hokages for her to choose between, and Tenten opted for the third.
Because fuck that guy, for lying to Naruto. Her revenge.
She respected the man, of course, but he'd lied to her best friend about her parentage. Dick move.
"EAT THIS WITH THAT DIRTY LYING MOUTH OF YOURS, SARUTOBI!" She said, shaking the paint down onto the head.
She wasn't done, though. While her friends laughed at her proclamation, Tenten used chakra to stick to his head.
There was pink, dripping paint on the monument's hair and forehead, but she walked down to his face. Using her hands, Tenten painted bright pink lipstick onto the monument.
Naruto smiled, "Bunny, you're a genius!"
Following Tenten's example, Naruto used her hands to paint eyeliner, lipstick, and blush onto the fourth.
"Ugh, I need to train more! I can't even chakra-walk!" Ino whined, and Tenten and Naruto gave her a pitying glance.
Tenten swore she saw a lightbulb go off in Naruto's head at that moment.
"We've got one kage left, we'll make it a cooperative work of art!"
Ino and Tenten exchanged glances, as the pigtailed cowgirl jumped up from the face of the fourth hokage.
"Ino, get on my back!" Naruto said, pointing at her back with her thumb. She had an enormous grin on her face, despite the deadpan expression plastered across Ino and Tenten's faces.
"Shinobi.. Using piggyback to desecrate their Kage's monuments.. What is wrong with us?" Tenten asked herself, forcing down a grin.
"C'mon Ino, we don't have all damn night!" Naruto said, looking almost smug.
"Fine, fine! Just, don't drop me!" Ino said, and Naruto swept her up in an instant.
Ino's legs were around Naruto's waist, clinging impossibly tight.
"Calm down, Ino-chan! Do you see these biceps, no way could I drop you!" Naruto flexed her arm, and okay…
She did see those biceps. They were mighty impressive, actually.
Ino herself was afraid of getting muscles, but they suited Naruto's figure perfectly. It actually made Ino consider working out. Maybe not her arms, but her legs..? Imagine the kick power, and she'd look damn good!
Ino was internally applauding her genius, she was so smart! Screw dieting! She'd kick enemies down, and look damn good doing it! Man, she really didn't get enough credit, she was brainy and beautiful, damn it!
Ino blinked, noticing they were currently climbing down Hashirama's face, where Tenten was waiting on the monument's hair. Well, more like Naruto was climbing and Ino was clinging to Naruto.
With her foot on the groove of Hashirama's lip, Naruto grinned.
"Alright, Tenten, pass the final bucket to Ino. We'll paint his face, then hand the rest up to you to dump!" Naruto said, as Ino extended up to accept the tin can of paint.
Tenten had been staring at her hat for some reason, but then snapped out of it, giving a nod.
Naruto looked down at the village below, the street-lanterns illuminating the main roads. Most of the streets in Konoha weren't paved, only the upper districts had stone or brick roads. However, from up here, the village all looked so similar. Status wasn't something that mattered so high above it all, paved roads or shoddy houses, it was all Konoha.
This was one of the many reasons Naruto loved to come up here, whether to deface or just relax.
It was just exhilarating. The air up here was so crisp, the atmosphere was so free, with a touch of adrenaline.
The scent of the forest, paint, and Ino's perfume was something she'd never forget. Legally, this was all so wrong. Morally too, for some people.
But damn, it felt so fun.
Two friends, a horse, some silly costumes, and a killer prank, all in her favorite village.
One day, her face would be carved in this mountain, and some teen delinquents would paint her to look ridiculous. And Kami, it would be hilarious.
Just like it is now. She could only hope those kids would treasure their memories of vandalism with friends, as much as does. She was a hypocrite, she interrogated vandals, ones just like herself.
But she really didn't care, because she was having fun with the ones she loved.
"Let's give Hashirama a pink 'stache!" Ino demanded, and Naruto moved to comply.
They handpainted the shodaime's face sporadically, making him a true work of art.
He had a pink nose, hearts on his cheek, a mustache and pink eyeliner. Not only that, but pink lipstick too. Carefully, Naruto walked herself and Ino back up to safe, earthy ground, and handed Tenten the leftover paint. The brunette dumped it with zero hesitation, and threw the can over the cliff.
"MY LEG!" A far away voice yelled, and Tenten winced.
Ino only snorted, whilst Naruto practically cackled.
"Okay gals, looks the sun will be up soon. What now?" Tenten asked, scratching her cheek bashfully.
"Well, we should probably return the horse." Ino said, completely deadpan.
"Right, 'ttebayo! Hop on then, bitches!" Naruto said, walking to the waiting horse relaxedly.
The three girls followed after her, Ino was grinning happily, and Tenten couldn't tear her eyes away from that fucking bird.
Just as the brunette climbed on the horse, she swore it nodded at her!
Or did it? Maybe it was just gravity, or maybe that was a bobble-head? No way did Naruto have a real bird on her head. No. No way. Never. Naruto wouldn't just obtain a bird like that.
From that point on, the ride back to that rural farm was fairly normal, with Tenten forgetting to blink as she glared at the stupid bird. Things were well, really.
Unfortunately, things couldn't go that well, for that long.
"There's the stolen horse reported earlier, there looks to be someone riding it!" someone shouted, and simultaneously, their hearts dropped. Naruto didn't know why she'd forgotten to check the area, her sensory ability had completely slipped her mind.
This was on her.
"INO, TENTEN, I'LL RETURN THE DAMN HORSE, YOU NEED TO ESCAPE, STAT!" Naruto said, turning and leaping off the moving horse.
Her friends looked horrified, "Naruto-"
The sky was a pale pinkish purple by now, the sun was rising and that meant less time for her friends to escape.
"I've got this, I'll make cover! Bunny, shunshin away with Ino!" Naruto directed, a feral grin on her face and determined eyes.
Tenten quickly tried to assess the situation, she didn't see the person in the near vicinity, which meant they'd probably only gotten a passing glance at her friends.
She looked up at Naruto, who had some look of raw determination on her face, and about a dozen other emotions she couldn't place. For some reason, that silly plastic parakeet looked rather contemplative as well.
Tenten didn't know it, but Naruto had a vague idea of who could've found them.
"Alright, Naruto, but you better not end up in jail!" Tenten wrapped her arms around Ino, just as Naruto put her hands into the shadow clone hand seal.
"We'll bail you out if you do!" Ino said, cut off as Tenten activated the shunshin, and an army of Narutos were brought to life.
Ino and Tenten were shrouded in leaves, and all Tenten saw before she took off in shunshin, was that stupid parakeet turning to WINK AT HER-
At least a few dozen clones ran towards the farm, a clone riding the horse towards it's home.
"STOP, FIEND!" A male shinobi shouted, and Naruto rolled her eyes.
She recognized the genin corps teams when she saw them. They were the ones in charge of dealing with stupid shit like this, so it was no surprise at all.
The worst part was that these guys were literally terrible at their jobs. She'd been giving them the slip since her pre-academy days, it would be no issue to do so now.
Except well, they'd already seen her, which meant they'd give a description to the higher shinobi, and they'd hunt her down at her home later.
No, she could make this much more fun. She had an alternative to just running away.
"Oh, look, it's the genin corp losers! Mornin, folks!" she said, giving a warm smile to the three member squad.
They were plain, two brown-haired boys, and one black-haired girl.
"Well, if it isn't the village pariah, and a hundred of clones of her. Tell me, aren't you too old for dress up!?" The girl taunted back, looking Naruto up and down with an odd expression, and Naruto snorted.
"Never too old to have fun! Catch me if you can, corp-kids!" A clone said, blowing her a kiss as they all scattered. The girl visibly retracted for a moment, in what Naruto guessed was disgust, before shaking her head.
The one on the horse reached it's destination, poofing itself and filling Naruto's mind with memories of the same event, but from a different perspective.
The team of genin were really pissed off about that remark, judging by the expletives they muttered and the complete change in body language.
"C'mon, aren't you gonna catch me?" Another Naruto asked playfully, beckoning them to it.
"Taro, Daiki, let's split up and call for backup! I'll take the ones in front, Taro, take the ones running east, and Daiki take west. Use projectiles to eliminate all the shadow clones. Rejoin me if the real one isn't with them!" Their apparent team captain, the onyx haired girl, directed.
"Right, Aimi!" The boys said in unison, charging after their respective group of Naruto.
They were trying to take out her clones with shuriken and kunai, and the real Naruto laughed. They'd never get her with those.
This game would go on for a while, she realized.
"Oh well!" Another Naruto said with a shrug. Deciding to make it more difficult, the real Naruto took off, leading in dead-sprint away from Aimi and her team, clones trailing behind her.
"Don't turn your back to me!" Aimi screamed, chasing after the blonde. She'd left her teammates to deal with their respective groups, pursuing her own.
The Narutos laughed, leading her towards the city again. It wasn't long before Naruto ended up in the warehouse district, and Aimi had taken out half of her clones with a silver bō.
"Just give up!" Aimi shouted, striking at the real Naruto for the first time. The blonde dropped down and ducked, and the adhesive on her fake mustache finally wore away, making it fly off.
"So it's you then! That ridiculous costume of yours gave you up!" The onyx-haired girl accused, fury in her violet eyes.
Naruto whistled cooly, "Took you long enough." The smug grin on her face only further angered Aimi.
The other girl grit her teeth, "S-shut up, criminal!"
Naruto swerved away from the bō, running towards the entrance of a dead-end alleyway. Like an idiot, her fellow teen followed behind her.
Naruto whipped out two kunai, dual-wielding them in a short spar against the bō. She turned Aimi towards the wall of the dead-end alley at some point, the clashing of metal and fast movements were occupying the ravenette's every thought.
Backing her against a wall, Naruto tossed away one of her kunai, and made use of her superior body strength. Aimi raised her bō in a defensive form, textbook perfect. But unfortunately for her, not good enough.
Naruto gripped the bō with both hands, forcing it completely horizontal still in Aimi's hands.
This would've been the perfect moment for Aimi to let go, to release the weapon, but she was too prideful for that.
Her cheeks were flustered with a bright blush, for reasons Naruto didn't know, Naruto even paused for a moment, letting the girl have a moment to release. Aimi tried to resist, to push and pull her weapon away, but Naruto was just physically stronger.
Naruto slammed the bokken back, right into Aimi's chest, knocking the girl into the wall at the end of the alleyway.
She wheezed, momentarily winded. Naruto just held her there, against the wall.
Their faces were close in proximity, and the dark-haired girl blushed even more after she'd caught her breath once again.
"So, are you going to kill me?" The girl asked, sounding a bit labored.
Naruto blinked, staring blankly at the teenager she'd managed to pin to the wall.
"Of course not, this is all just part of a silly prank on my part, you're a comrade. I'd never rough you up too bad, 'ttebayo." The blonde said, giving her a heart-stopping smile.
Aimi thought she might die in that moment, though clearly not by Naruto's hand. Her heart was thumping so loud she could hear it in her ears, blood was rushing to her head, but why?!
This was the village demon, who'd managed to pin her!
Oh, but she had the nicest biceps, she could see the shape of them through the leather-Whew, it was awfull hot this morning, wasn't it? This blonde's figure was enviable, she belonged in a magazine, truly- And her hair looked so soft- And gosh, why were their faces so DAMN close!?
"Uh, you okay?" Naruto asked, leaning in closer. Was this girl romantically-dense?! This was so improper, Aimi could practically feel her breath on her face-
"You know what, I don't care. I've gotta get running for it, sorry." Naruto said, backing up. With one hand, she held Aimi against the wall with her own bō.
With the other, she grabbed the ravenette by the collar of her shirt, pulling the fabric above her head.
She released the bō, letting it drop against the ground. With that very same hand, she used her remaining kunai to pin Aimi by her shirt, to the wooden wall. She stepped back, looking her up and down, and Aimi's stomach did flips. Naruto was checking to ensure she hadn't hurt her, but Aimi was thinking other things.
"Well, I'd better get going." Naruto untied the bandanna from her neck, and moved to tie it around Aimi's neck.
"Wha!? What're you doing?" The girl squeaked.
"Dunno." The blonde replied simply, tying the bandanna and removing her eyepatch. She also put that on Aimi, whilst the onyx-haired girl attempted to wriggle herself free.
How was the village pariah so- So cool! And laidback, and fun-! She was what Aimi had always pretended to be, this was so unfair! And why did this blonde seem so intent on flustering her?!
How could the village hate someone so perfect- This girl looked like she was sculpted by the gods, damn it!
Lastly, Naruto removed her orange cowgirl hat, which caused the bird atop to resituate itself, landing on her shoulder. Naruto placed the hat gently on Aimi's head, brushing her bangs to the side so the hair wouldn't flatten them and poke into her eyes.
Aimi knew she must've looked like a tomato in a terrible costume.
"There!" Naruto looked behind her, to see a large horde of shinobi, whilst Aimi was just humiliated.
"Shit. Well, sayonara, Aimi-chan!~" And just like that, Naruto ran up the wall, the horde of shinobi leaping up or running to follow her.
Aimi's teammates, Daiki and Taro, decided to stay behind and help their captain.
"Kami, Aimi, that chick got you good!" Taro exclaimed, pulling out the kunai with all his might.
It took a few tugs, but eventually the boy managed to rip it out, falling on his bottom as a result.
Both boys noticed Aimi tracing the knot around the bandanna with one hand, and the other gently gracing across the string of the bandanna.
"I think we should leave the chase to the ANBU. We can't chakra-run very well yet, so we'd be of little help. Let's just go get lunch." Daiki suggested with a shrug, walking ahead. Taro gave their captain a concerned glance as she reluctantly followed. Normally, Aimi would verbally confirm or deny plans. Usually, Daiki would suggest food after their second daily mission, and Aimi would tell him to wait until they were done for the day.
Which was always after their fifth mission.
But today, this was only their second…
They followed Daiki in silence, as he led them to his favorite barbeque place.
When they sat down, enjoying their food, Taro nearly thought Aimi was fine after all. That was, until…
"Daiki, Taro.."
They looked up at their team captain, who was grazing her thumb against the brim of that ridiculous orange hat. Her eyes held a certain contemplative wistfulness, the kind you'd see on an actress in a movie, pondering the one who got away..
"How do you know if you're in love?"
Daiki choked, nearly coughing out his food. For an Akimichi like him, that was the highest expression of shock in existence.
Taro gasped, so dramatically, so loud, with a hand over his heart... before fainting.
Aimi didn't even seem to notice.
Naruto had been on the run for at least an hour now, and she'd lost about half of her horde. Many of them had given up or just gotten tired or bored. It almost reminded her of the good old days, running from a mob of shinobi, chasing her for her crimes.
By now, they were chasing her through the interior of an apartment complex, fairly close to her own.
Naruto knew the streets and buildings near her home well, she realized, as she reached the final level of this apartment complex. One more floor, and she'd be on the roof.
Her lungs burned, and her muscles screamed in protest, but the shinobi and kunoichi behind her just weren't letting up.
That was fine, she had a plan, and plenty of endurance left.
Her bangs were beginning to stick to her face from the thin sheen of sweat, and she was forced to throw her leather jacket behind her. It hit some poor civilian boy in the face, but Naruto was focused on staying ahead.
She sprinted up the final set of stairs, throwing open the doors to the roof. She sucked in a deep breath, loving the fresh air. That was something which never got old. She knew that at the northern edge of this building, there was an alley full of dumpsters. She was hoping, practically praying things would work in her favor.
She approached the edge, looking back at the crowd behind her, then behind her. Down in the alley, there was an open dumpster, looking perfect for her plan.
"We've got you cornered, give up!" A voice shouted, in between pants.
"Every working shinobi has been given your description, you'll be detained now or later. Resistance is futile." An ANBU with a sheep mask informed her, arms folded over their chest.
"Two words." Naruto said, smiling brightly. The crowd hesitated, looking amongst one another.
"Fuck yourselves." She threw herself over the ledge, knowing the dumpster full of garbage would break her fall. Then, she'd just close the lid, and hide. She heard gasps, but no movement.
The fall felt exhilirating, beyond anything she'd felt before. She supposed that free-falling would ellicit that kind of response, even if she knew she wasn't going to die.
As far as she was concerned, her plan was perfect. No real risk for serious injury, she'd get to sneak home for a while and shower, maybe even have unch before the shinobi came and took her in. It would be great.
Well, that's what she thought as she plummeted towards the dumpster, fully intent on just letting herself land inside it.
Until well, she was caught in human arms.
She blinked in confusion. She'd looked down, no one had been here moments ago. Had that stupid sheep anbu shunshined?
She turned her head, and nope, that was NOT who caught her.
No, this was much worse.
It was someone she was fairly familiar with, one Ibiki Morino.
"H-heeeey, Ibiki…" She greeted nervously, to the man with the world's bitchiest resting face.
"You look surprised." He said simply.
She scrunched her nose. "Uh, obviously, 'ttebane.."
"Do you truly think I wouldn't hear about the village wide chase for my subordinate, Naruto Uzumaki? When I noticed you leading your crowd or hunters into this building, it was simple for me to decipher your final move."
Naruto blinked again, as Ibiki placed her on the ground. She knew better than to resist now, at least. He put on her handcuffs fairly gently, at least. That was the most you could really expect from Ibiki.
It was moments like that, that made Naruto realize Ibiki was incredibly smart.
Most people would never guess Naruto's wild schemes until she explained them.
"Damn, Ibiki. You're pretty smart."
He grunted in reply, before throwing her over his shoulder. She felt pretty comparable to a lightweight bag of rice right about now.
Where she'd been stronger, taller, and faster than her opponent Aimi earlier, Ibiki served to remind her she was a 5' genin with a lot more work to do. To her peers, her skills, and muscles, might be impressive. But compared to an adult, she was a kid playing dress up.
The girls might think her muscles were cool, but Ibiki had arms like tree-trunks, which made her look like a twig. She sighed as he heaved her back to T&I.
This time, she'd be the one getting interrogated.
Being an employee of the very department which currently detained her, Naruto had to at least appreciate how good of an interrogator Ibiki was, even if he wasn't really trying.
He'd been non-stop questioning her for an hour now, but looked like he'd be giving up pretty soon. Knowing interrogation tactics through and through made you more immune to them. And so did unwavering loyalty to your friends.
"Witnesses reported seeing you with two other individuals, but you keep claiming otherwise." Ibiki pressed, locking eyes with her.
"Oh, that's an easy one to explain!" Naruto said, tilting her head.
His face remained as blank as ever, as he stared unwaveringly.
"Yeesh, if you want an explanation, learn to ask." She muttered, before continuing.
"You see, Ibiki-sensei, a loser like me has got zero friends. None at all, really. So I got real damn bored, made two clones of myself, and decided to go commit some crimes for much-needed attention." She said it with zero inflection, no pauses, and a general lack of emotion.
Ibiki's sharp eyes narrowed, as he thought over the answer. He really didn't give half a fuck about this, but that answer at least made him think a little.
Did Naruto have friends? He hadn't really thought about that before, caring about things like that was more of Inoichi's style. He'd thought he'd heard gossip about her friends before, or heard Inoichi mention his daughter training with Naruto. But were they friends? Naruto wasn't the type of person clan heirs would typically befriend, he knew from experience. He'd grown up being an outcast himself, though for different reasons, as had Anko.
Clan heirs didn't associate with their types, at least not too openly. Silently, part of him hoped that wasn't true for Naruto and her generation.
He felt a bit of disgust, him hoping for something?! Was he growing soft?!
Moving on from that thought, he determined Naruto probably did have friends.
"So, what are your friends like?" He asked simply.
"Oh, not stupid enough to enjoy my plans, that's for sure." Naruto answered, giving him a devilish smile.
Ah, so she did have friends, good. But was she lacking in self-esteem? She seemed rather confident most times. But she'd called her own plans stupid, which could be self-awareness. But then again, she'd called herself a loser, so maybe it was a self-esteem issue.
However, when she'd said that last answer, there'd been a small sign of lying, Naruto broke her gaze with him. Now with most people, there were no universal signs of a liar. But Naruto hardly ever looked him in the eye while lying, it was a pattern of hers.
No, instead she'd looked to the top left, which usually indicated Naruto was thinking retrospectively.
So, Ibiki came to another conclusion. Naruto did have friends, she DID have self esteem issues, and her friends were probably stupid enough to follow her plans.
He knew there were dozens of other questions he should be asking, but Ibiki wasn't really concerned. Naruto would be punished for her actions all the same, so what if he wanted to ask more personal questions? His own peace of mind was more important than her goofy prank.
She hadn't hurt anyone, afterall.
He was wondering if the girl really did do the prank for the sake of attention.
"Earlier you stated you commited crimes for the sake of gaining attention. Explain."
Naruto looked momentarily surprised. "Oh, that was a lie, I don't really do that anymore. It was mostly for fun."
He took extreme note of the words mostly, and anymore.
Internally, he sighed, loudly and exhaustedly. There was silence in the room for quite a few minutes.
"Although I don't condone theft, trespassing, or vandalism… There's one thing I have to ask." Ibiki trailed off, standing up from the metal desk.
"Yeah?" Naruto asked, looking up from her cuffed hands with that constant grin of hers.
"Did you have fun?" He questioned, almost quietly.
Her smile widened so much, he thought her face might split in half.
"Hell yeah I did!"
He paused. "Good to hear. Don't do it again." He commanded, eyes locked on her. He pushed in his chair, breaking eye contact and hesitating for a moment.
He extended his arm out, and ever-so-gently, he patted the blonde girl's head.
Naruto was completely frozen, shocked at the three deliberate pats to her head. She made a noise of surprise, but Ibiki made a beeline for the door, leaving her with a string of parting words.
"You're a good kid at heart, never change, kid."
And just like that, Ibiki was gone. He was fairly convinced he knew the real story, there was no reasoning for further questioning. Naruto had likely gotten her friends in on her scheme, felt bad when they'd gotten caught, and took all of the blame.
It was… Telling of her true character, he concluded.
That was when Naruto realized... He'd left the room. And left her there.
"Ibiki?" She called, to no avail.
"Dude, come back, I'm still in cuffs!"
...
"Come on, don't just leave me here! I don't wanna have to dislocate my own thumbs!" She pleaded...
...
"Seriously, Ibiki-sensei, that shit hurts!"
That night, Naruto went home with two dislocated thumbs.
Author's Note: Hello, Hello, Hello! I am INCREDIIBLLY late to publishing this, I know, and it's not even what I promised. I understand if you want to behead me, I really do. However... I did do some art for this story, which might console you just a bit. On DeviantArt, under the username HorrorEcho, you can find some drawings I've done of Naruto, and one drawing I did for Chapter Eight!
This chapter was a lot of fun to write, even though I pulled the Omake ideas out of my ass, I hope they're enjoyable! If you liked them, suggest ideas for more! (EX. Naruto and Co go skating, or something!) There's a decent possibility there will be more chapters like this in the future, so I hope you didn't hate it.
So what did you think of the Cookie omake, or Naruto's ridiculous schemes, and Aimi's little crush? Aimi, Daiki, and Taro are OCs, which you'll probably never see again. If people would like, I might one day include another omake with them? I dunno!
Finals week is kicking my ass, but the first part of Chapter Eight is coming along well. If you have suggestions, critiques, or compliments about the story, feel free to leave a review. Author-sama loooves reviews! 3
A big thank you to Amaterasu53 for messaging me to cheer me on! I appreciate them, and everyone who reviews, follows, or favorites. Speaking of which, this story has 112 reviews, 173 favorites, and 245 followers! That's insane to me, really. I am so happy people are enjoying this story. Hell, I'm happy people are even reading it! It's got about 7.5k views, which is huge, imo.
So, thank you, and much love, you're all darlings, and I'm blowing you hella kisses.