Humanity's Strongest Woman

by xDollfie

In every empire, there is an epic era that defies the boundaries of time and immortalized itself in the history books. For mankind, an epic era they will never forget has finally emerged. The war between humanity and Titans has finally come to a head. Love cease to exist in a time like this, but they found it, and promised that it'll be worth it. Every stubborn inch of it [LEVIXOC]

40. Beyond Salvation

Finally, we're at Return to Shiganshina arc! I can't tell you how excited I am to write this arc; it'll very much be like my Uprising/Starke family arc.

For RTS, it'll be much more plot-driven than character-driven as compared to the last arc. Meaning, it'll be fast-paced very soon. A lot of revealments in this arc! All that I've been building up till now, like Elsie & Grisha, Ivy, Starkes, Ackermans and so much more!

Thank you 92 is half of 99 and blackbutler415 for giving me your opinion!

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Humanity's Strongest Woman by xDollfie

Chapter 36 — Beyond Salvation

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Year 842, Trost District

Across the colorful skyline, the reflection of orange and red chased after the clouds. The entrance of Trost's gates, basking in its early morning twilight, was no match for the dance between the Garrison soldiers and time. Civilians hoarded around the entrance, handing out passes to the stationed soldiers to enter Trost from Wall Maria.

Erwin Smith passed the controlled chaos with a stack of reports tucked under his armpits, on an errand for Commander Shadis. Just as he was about to head to the Garrison tower, something in the crowd captured his attention from his peripheral vision.

That distinctive waist-length scarlet hair was impossible to forget.

His heart started beating erratically in his chest. Elsie Starke. Erwin's feet halted. He stared at her, wondering if his vision was fooling him. How many years had it been since he had last seen her? Thirteen, he counted. But even if so much time had passed, she still looked as radiant as he remembered.

She was standing still at the edge of the crowd with her Garrison guards, as expected of a noble lady of her stature, looking at the civilians passing by with a bored countenance. Her modest blue dress did little to hide her imposing aura.

Strange, Erwin observed her attire. Did she sneak out again?

He calculated the next best step in his mind and shrewdly decided that it was best to avoid her. He was doing well in the Survey Corps. Many had even said that he would be the next Commander. The last thing he wanted was to entangle himself back with a noble lady that could potentially unfurl all his hard work.

However, before Erwin could bolt back to his task, he was struck frozen by a sudden disturbing thought: his daughter.

Thirteen years, Erwin thought solemnly. She is a child now.

A child… with questions about her missing father.

A child… that he had never seen.

The numbness that blossomed in his chest was beginning to spread to his fingertips. He was going on another expedition soon, one that he might not come back from. Would he allow this rare opportunity to slip through his fingers?

It happened before he could hold himself back, but before he knew it, Erwin was walking towards her.

"Elsie," he said, surprised at how calm his voice sounded. "Is that you?"

Elsie seemed to have frozen over at his appearance, but slowly, she turned her head and met his gaze. He could detect the suppressed shock and caution in her otherwise neutral expression.

The two Garrison guards beside her lifted a brow and tensed at his appearance. Erwin could sense they were analyzing his uniform, their hands tightening around their guns. Before they could chase him away, Elsie raised a calm hand to stop them.

"Stand down," she commanded. "I know him."

A tense silence waltzed between them. Sounds of light breathing accompanied its presence. The silence danced against bittersweet memories that both of their gazes shared. Erwin was quiet until he couldn't stand the silence anymore. "What are you doing here, Elsie?"

"Lady Starke," she amended sternly. "Address me properly by my title, soldier."

Erwin forcibly composed himself. He observed Elsie throwing a cautious glance at the Garrison guards beside her. A dawning bout of knowledge illuminated in his blue eyes. He immediately understood the complications. The guards didn't know about their prior relationship. Besides, her brother certainly would not have approved of their meeting. He had been reckless.

"Apologies, my lady." Erwin dipped his head slightly. "What brings you to Trost?"

She straightened her posture and spoke in a dignified voice, "My carriage has a loose wheel. We stopped here to acquire another more suitable carriage. I'm heading back to my estate in Sina."

"From Wall Maria?"

"That's none of your business."

He held back any questions, acknowledging that it was strange for a sheltered high-born lady — especially one from such a prestigious household — to even step foot in Wall Maria. What was she doing there?

Putting his curiosity aside, Erwin was perceptive enough to realize why Elsie was behaving so formally and vitriolic with him. The Garrison soldiers beside her never took their eyes off him.

"Could we talk in private for a moment?"

Elsie's shoulders stiffened at his request.

"Alright," she agreed, facing her guards. "Do not follow me."

The Garrison guard to her right immediately combated a retort. "Lord Starke issued firm orders that you are not to leave our sight—"

"I believe my order was clear," Elsie cut in, commanding in attitude. "Report this to him if you wish. You may watch me from afar. I'll stay within your sights."

She passed Erwin before her guards could throw in another argument. He followed her until they were a few feet away from them, safe from their prying ears.

A strained, awkward silence slipped between them, heavy with tension. Their eyes never left each other, but Erwin could read the painful memory of their past in her emerald eyes when Elsie bequeathed him with a cold look and nothing else.

Thirteen years he hadn't seen her, yet Erwin could still remember everything about her. He took another selfish moment to stare at her, hoping to imprint her image into his mind and store it in his cherished memory bank.

"How are you?" he asked sedately.

"Well," she replied curtly. "I see you are doing well in the Survey Corps."

He nodded, proud of his uniform. "Still alive, thankfully."

Elsie's lips thinned. "I don't have much time and I'm sure pleasantries isn't what you wanted to discuss."

Erwin had to hold back a grimace at the sharpness of her tone. He braced himself. "Our daughter…" he brought it up casually, not wanting to beat around the bush. "She's thirteen this year."

Her visage immediately darkened. "Erwin, we had a prior agreement," she reminded, looking away. "Whatever my daughter does, is none of your concern."

He felt a sharp twinge in his chest at her choice of words. Her daughter.

"She must've asked for me, she's at that age," Erwin fought to state his point with an aggravating calm that he knew would've annoyed her. "If she does, Elsie, I'll be more than willing to meet her."

Her eyes enlarged with realization. "That's going against what we have previously agreed on."

"Is that what concerns you?" Erwin could not help but frown. She was acting beyond his measured calculations. "A prior agreement made years ago when we were no more than teenagers? What matters is what Ida wants, whatever happened between us, that does not change the fact that I'm her father. She needs closure."

Erwin was reminded of the fiery temper of his ex-lover when she glared at him, bequeathing him the full brunt of her fury.

"And might I warn you, Smith," she snarled, her cool voice vibrating with an undercurrent of admonition, "that I could've you stripped of your rank, flogged and thrown into prison."

Although Erwin's grim expression remained, he soothed his need for an emotional retort. Years of the Survey Corps had severely stunted his emotional meter. For thirteen years now, Erwin had lived his life deliberately and planned, developing such an emotionless unbreakable façade, that it surprised even himself.

But now, as Elsie Starke stood in front of him, she represented his insidious past. A distant past when he was a different man. Elsie was embodying everything he had abandoned for his dreams. His heart pounded in his eardrums. His staunch stare was enough for her to look away again. Erwin knew she could read the emotional conflict that exuded from his otherwise calm form.

Silence claimed Elsie's lips, yet the subtle fury exuding out of her was palpable. Her jaw tightened dangerously before it loosened, and she released a perceptible sigh.

"Erwin." Elsie's voice was no longer tempered with fury. It teemed with regret. "If you really desire the best for Ida… then please, leave us alone and never seek her out."

"I am her father still."

A subtle dash of guilt glazed Elsie's eyes. He knew what he said touched a sensitive nerve within her. He just didn't know how sensitive that nerve was.

She faced him resolutely. "Yes, but you made your choice years ago. There's nothing you can offer her now. All that you're doing is making her life harder for her as it is."

Pain, indignation, guilt, and shame were all present in his expression as Elsie went on, "You're a perceptive man, you should be able to grasp my situation with my brother without me saying much."

Blue eyes bloomed rapidly. Erwin quickly placed the pieces together. Her dress. He had wondered why she was dressed so simply. It didn't suit her rank. Of course, why didn't he think of this before he approached her? Her brother would've probably held a grudge against her for having a child out of wedlock, smearing the household name.

What about Ida then? What of their daughter? Was she treated well?

But even if she wasn't, what could he do?

He was powerless, just a Squad Leader, not yet a Commander. And even if he was a Commander, he was enlisted in the Survey Corps, a military branch that held a little prestige and political power.

Erwin's fingers curled together by his side. He had made a misjudgment. He had followed his emotions instead of his head. Now that he had given further thought about their circumstances, the best thing that he could do was to never seek their daughter out. He would risk worsening their relations with Jaron.

Besides, he could not deny that Elsie was right. He made his choice years ago.

"She's doing fine," Elsie seemed to have read his thoughts. "I'll not let anything happen to her. I'll protect her, Erwin."

Distressed, he shut his eyes momentarily to calm himself. "What about you?" he inquired evenly. "Are you... happy?"

"I'm happy." She feigned a light smile. "Happier than I've ever been."

His intuition was telling him that Elsie was lying, but there was little he could do at this point. It was best if he removed himself from their lives. He was living on borrowed time anyway. He didn't even know when he would fall in battle. They would be happier without him.

"Alright," was all that he said, and he knew that she understood him enough to know his silent understanding of the matter.

He had thought her eyes were glassy when she hastily swirled around.

"I have to go," she said, her voice suddenly strained. "Take care, and no matter what Erwin…" she paused. "...come back alive."

The sight of her leaving made his heart skip a beat. He acted on pure impulse. Ignoring his shrieking conscience, the pull to remain stoic, Erwin grabbed her wrist. He could feel her body going rigid at his touch.

With exaggerated slowness, she turned to face him.

Guilt encroached the painful soul.

They had said their goodbyes years ago, and they were adamant to never stray from their path. However, Erwin would be a liar to say that he didn't miss her; that he didn't miss the past.

But he had made his choice years ago and now, there was no looking back.

He avoided her questioning gaze and tucked his other hand in his pocket, extracting something out. He placed the item in her hand, curled her fingers over it, before releasing his hold on her.

"Apologies, I acted out of my station." Erwin dipped his head. "Good day, my lady."

Elsie lingered around for a few seconds before she clutched the item he placed in her hand to her chest. She forced herself to turn and leave, never looking back.

"Are we ready to leave?" Elsie asked sternly when she was back with her guards. "I need to hurry to Wall Sina if I'm to arrive back at Shiganshina tomorrow."

"We've already procured another carriage."

"Then lets us leave this instance," Elsie instructed. "My brother is waiting for me, and I don't want to leave my daughter at Shiganshina by herself any longer than necessary."

With a guarded expression, she climbed into the carriage and waited for the door to close behind her. When it did, Elsie unfurled her fingers around the item Erwin had given her.

It was an ivory handkerchief. She bit her lip as she stared at it, fighting the urge to scream out in the purest of aggravation.

"Why…" she murmured to the empty carriage. "Why do you still remember…?"

It was a gesture that held so many bittersweet memories for her. On their first meeting, Erwin had given her a handkerchief to wipe the ale she spilled on her dress when he bumped into her. And it was on the same day of their fateful meeting that her brother had hit her in front of him, reminding of her position, of her duty, of her blood.

"I'm sorry for what you had seen," she told him in a gentle voice. Remembering the handkerchief Erwin handed her previously, she returned it. "I'm afraid I have to leave now."

Erwin stared at the handkerchief she had proffered to him but made no attempt to take it.

"Keep it," he said instantly.

"B — But—"

"Just take it as a gift," Erwin couldn't help but give her a reassuring smile, noting the red mark on her cheek — it must've hurt. "For you surely need it more than I do."

The tears accumulated in her eyes before they spilled out her lower lashes one by one.

She knew that this was Erwin's way of telling her that he understood their circumstances. He didn't blame her, not even after she selfishly separated his own daughter from him without an explanation.

Pressing the handkerchief to her chest, her shoulders shook and she fought to keep the tears from escaping her eyes.

"Forgive me, Erwin..." she whispered, her voice breaking at every syllable. "Forgive me…"

For all that was immoral, wrong, and righteous, Elsie wept for all that she had to do.

If only her heart would allow her to stop these webs of lies. If only hearts could speak. If hearts could speak, then she could explain everything that was holding her back from inviting him back into their life. But it was futile. For thirteen years now, Elsie was engulfed in a war zone between the pure truth and twisted lies, ripped apart by the impossible depiction of heart and mind.

The depths of their relationship were impossible to describe and impracticable to label because of the endless complications. Like broken porcelain, no matter how much she desperately wanted to change their circumstances, some things once broken would always be beyond salvation.

o o o—xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

The memory came again for him.

The fateful meeting, Elsie Starke, and the heart-breaking scene replayed perfectly in his mind. This time, the content played in vivid colors, sounds, and emotions. Erwin Smith could feel everything as though it was just yesterday, and the truth was, he was overwhelmed.

Alarmed by his emotions, he inhaled sharply and got off his chair. He looked around his office, slowly acclimating himself with reality. He went to the window and opened it, bringing his hands up to massage his temples. He thought the fresh air might help to dislodge his headache but the memory played again in his mind, causing his head to pound even harder.

In the last few days, the sentimental memories that he had kept so carefully hidden were emerging. It had been so long since he had allowed himself to reminiscence about the past. Even in his memory and dreams, his unforgivable sins lived on.

The thundering sounds of horses' hooves and soldiers chattering excitedly brought him out from his contemplative state. He looked down at the courtyard from his office window, surprised to see his two prized soldiers. Levi and Ida had returned to the Survey Corps.

On cue, the door slammed open. "Erwin!"

Hanji bolted to him with a gleeful enthusiastic expression plastered on her face. "They came back!" she announced with joy, a devilish glint in her eyes. No doubt she couldn't wait to tease them. "Oh, I can't wait to—"

"I'm aware," Erwin interjected sedately, exhaling. "If you're going down to meet them, tell Ida that I require her in my office."

"Huh? Not Levi?"

"No," he answered. "Just her."

Hanji lifted a brow, appraising him up and down. Unable to restrain her observant nature, she threw all reservations out the window and asked, "You okay? You seem to be spacing out these few days."

"I'm fine."

The Titan scientist seemed to have been perceptive enough to understand that he wasn't in the mood for one of her eccentric rambles. "Understood, I'll tell Ida to come to your office."

"Wait," Erwin stopped her when she was at the door.

She turned to see that the Commander was now facing his back to her. His gaze was undoubtedly on Levi and Ida at the courtyard. "Yeah?"

"Hanji." The subtle urgency in his voice caught Hanji's undivided attention. He faced her. It scared her, how truly conflicted he suddenly appeared. "Do you remember when we were still squad members, I told you that in order to save humanity... some actions are unavoidable and sacrifices have to be made?"

"I remember," she confirmed. Her concern for him heightened. Why was he bringing that up?

Erwin smiled bleakly. "Good. Every now and then, make sure you remind me."

However much Hanji was puzzled by how they ventured on to the discussion at hand, she decided to go along with the conversation. Though Erwin appeared as collected, she could feel his desperation. Whatever his reason, he really wanted to have this conversation with her. She could feel it.

She stared at him with uncertainty. "When will I know you'll need a reminder?"

Erwin pulled away from her gaze and looked down from the window, back onto Ida. The constriction in his chest was growing tighter. At that fleeting moment, Ida looked to him to be more than just a soldier, but his salvation.

Even now, he had the choice of living solely as a father figure to his daughter that he abandoned or the Commander of the Survey Corps.

A tense moment passed, before his lips parted, "When I look distracted..."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

The ride back to the headquarters was an uneventful one.

When the run-down buildings of the headquarters came into view, Ida felt something shift within her. To her surprise, it wasn't dread, but more so of a wistful longing for the place.

A flag bearing the Survey Corps insignia hung limply above the fortress's squat wooden guardhouse where two soldiers in tan uniforms were leaning against the raised portcullis, trying not to get caught playing cards. They gasped when they saw Levi and her, promptly getting into a salute, but the Captain ignored them and steered his horse to the stables.

Her green eyes scoured the courtyard that was filled with soldiers. It looked more densely packed than before. From the looks of it, Ida surmised that there were more transfers of recruits from other branches. A blush burned her cheeks when she noticed that everyone was looking at her direction. She felt as though she was on a walk of shame. She peeked at Levi, but he looked just as indifferent as ever.

Ignoring the curious looks and the whispers, they went to the stables to park their horses.

"Captain! Ida-san!"

She whirled around at that familiar voice. "You guys," she said quietly with a smile. Gods, she really did miss them. Her heart warmed at the sight of Eren, Jean, and Armin walking towards them with bright smiles on their faces.

"It's been a while!" Armin said kindly.

Levi gave a grunt as a reply. Meanwhile, Ida laughed and laced her arm around the blonde's neck. "You're as cute as ever, I see. You guys, look well."

Eren nodded stiffly. "Welcome back!"

"Anything to report?" Levi interrupted coolly. Despite being in his casual clothes, he still exuded nothing short of power and authority.

Ida glared at him. "We just got back. Can't you wait a little?" She ruffled Armin's crown with affection while Levi made an annoyed sound under his nose. "Where are the rest?"

Eren grinned sheepishly. "I think they are training right now."

"Captain Levi!"

They turned at the sharp voice. Mobilt was running towards them. Behind him, Hanji followed calmly with a jovial smile blooming on her face. Ida furrowed her brows in confusion. What on earth was the assistant rushing for? It was almost as if the two soldiers had exchanged positions. She hardly saw Mobilt this flustered.

The assistant panted heavily when he reached them. "You're finally back! It was terrible without you, we had so many problems!"

"Problems?" Levi repeated, his voice growing sterner. "Then explain from scratch, an explanation that even the most idiot person can understand."

Mobilt nodded quickly. There was something about his demeanor which told him Levi wasn't in the most pleasant of moods. Before he could start his explanation, the Captain added, "Also, I need a report on our progress for the past two weeks too."

"Wow, you're already in a working mode, Levi!" Hanji exclaimed. She leered towards him with a suggestive spark in her eyes. "How did you enjoy your honeymoon—"

"I see that you still have a brain that's worse than a Titan, shitty glasses," Levi spat hotly, cutting through her sentence. Ida did not miss the curious stares from the younger recruits when he said this.

Hanji shrugged and migrated her attention to Ida. "Erwin wants to see you."

Ida blinked. "Just me?"

"Yeah."

Shit. Ida glanced at Levi, hopeful that he'll help her. To her utter dismay, he only regarded her with a serious gaze. Her stomach dropped. She knew she was on her own for that.

"Captain, regarding the new recruits and the budget for the production of thunder spears…" Mobilt said nervously, bringing a disgruntled Levi back to the main topic.

"Tsk," Levi gestured for the assistant to follow him. "Go and report to him," he instructed Ida before turning away.

She watched him leave with an aching feeling in her chest. It had just been a few minutes since they had arrived back, and he was already acting like the stiff Captain she remembered. Ida pouted at the situation. This was the absolute worst. It was at that precise moment where Ida hated her instincts the most, she knew what was coming when Erwin called for her.

"So…" Hanji hummed with a suggestive tone, bumping into her softly. "Had a good holiday?"

Fuck.

She realized why Levi was so keen to leave now. Not only did he leave her alone to face the music with Erwin, but now she was an open target for their curious comrades as well. That damned midget. She was going to make him pay for this later.

Whatever the consequences it was on him as well? Yeah, right.

"It was okay," Ida provided stiffly. She tried not to blush so much when she realized how everyone's attention was on her alone. Clearing her throat, she changed the subject. "Why did Mobilt look so distressed, what did you do again?"

The image of Mobilt looking so distressed and worn down was too strange for her to ignore.

"Oh, that." Hanji chuckled in amusement. "While you two were off somewhere, Mobilt took over both your workload."

"He's been complaining about it," Jean added. "On top of his normal job as an assistant, he hardly got any sleep the past week. I've been helping him with it too."

Ida felt another layer of blush waltz on her cheek. Mortified that irresponsibility had caused so much inconvenience for them, she readied an apology, but before she could verbalize it, Jean said something else that got her reeling in embarrassment.

"Well, it's great that you enjoyed yourself," Jean said with a sly teasing smirk. "I sure hoped that I could take a two-week break too." He shrugged. "But well, duty calls."

The suggestive tone got her frozen in horror. Her jaw might have hit the floor had it the ability to unhinge that far. The galls of the kid! A few months ago, he was cowering in front of her!

"But it was just okay, she says. Poor us, we were so busy with the preparations," Hanji added for good measure, causing her squadmates to slap their hands over their mouths, holding in a burst of roaring laughter.

Ida was about to throw in a sharp retort to cover up her embarrassment when Hanji stood beside her and clasped a hand on her shoulder. "We kept it a secret, don't worry! On the official reports, you both left for other matters."

Distressed, she didn't think about it and just reacted. "It's not what you think," Ida said quickly. "There's nothing going on between us."

They all stared at her with open mouths before bursting into laughter, causing Ida to turn red for probably the fiftieth time that day.

"What?" she protested loudly. She felt hopeless at this point. How on earth was she going to explain their sudden disappearance for two weeks?

"Nothing!" Hanji gave a hard slap on Ida's back. "I'm happy for you both!"

Another layer of blush stained her red cheeks. Ida was ready to deny whatever they were thinking. Levi and her had come to an agreement that they would keep their relationship under wraps. Deep down, she knew it was futile to deny. But she had to try anyway.

"Listen," she sighed, looking uncomfortable. "I don't know what you're thinking, but I don't want any rumors to spread."

Nobody laughed at her this time, but everyone gave her a knowing smile that shook her just a little.

And for some reason, Ida couldn't help but smile back at them too.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

She could feel Erwin's expectant stare on her.

Ida fidgeted in her seat in front of his desk. The disapproval and disappointment radiating off him were palpable. As anticipated, Erwin eyed her skeptically, drawn by her restless body language, and shook his head. He sighed again as he massaged his temples.

Meanwhile, Ida tried to keep the stern expression firmly solidified on her face.

"Ida Starke."

Uh oh. It was about to begin. She knew that tone. It was the professional matter-of-factly tone that he used whenever he reprimanded soldiers for disciplinary matters. Now, it wasn't her biological father in front of her, but her commander.

She gulped nervously, portraying her sweetest and most innocent smile. "Yes, sir?"

"What are you smiling at, Ida?" Erwin reprimanded sharply, his thick eyebrows meeting. "I'm sure you know exactly why I called you here."

Her forced smile disappeared instantly. Crap. That didn't work either. She should've known she wasn't going to get off the hook that easily. There were no fruits of labor for her valiant efforts.

Ida exhaled gustily, attempting to organize her thoughts. "Alright, fine," she begrudgingly said, crossing her arms. "But why the hell am I the only one summoned?"

This was the absolute worst. Not to mention how awkward it was. If only Levi was here, he could tank the full brunt of the consequences for her.

Erwin measured her with a searing glare. "I doubt that someone as strict as Levi would ever come up with such an irresponsible idea by himself, but I'm perfectly clear, however, that you on the other hand is notoriously capable of such a thing."

She couldn't help but grimace when she heard his argument. Frankly, Ida couldn't fault him on that logical reasoning. Damn it.

"Don't misunderstand," Erwin continued stiffly, "Levi will get an appropriate punishment as well, I don't intend to look past this behavior that does not befit his rank."

"Tch." Ida didn't feel any better hearing that. "Fine, so what will it be?"

His eyebrows creased further. "Are you not even going to explain yourself?"

"As you said, I'm notoriously known for being a brat," she retorted sarcastically. "But I promise, it won't happen again."

Not like Levi will allow that, she thought miserably. Ida felt a disappointed tug in her heart, she missed that cabin already.

Erwin sighed exasperatedly at her reply. His headache was getting worse. "Alright, I'll spare you the lecture about decorum in the military. In any case, I doubt that anything I say will make you regret your actions."

She nodded blearily. At least he knew her well enough.

"I'll have to dock your pay for six months."

"You do realize that I'm funding almost half of the Survey Corps' budget, right?" Ida grumbled with a curtained tone.

At her sarcastic jibe, Erwin bestowed an icy glare that could rival glaciers on her.

"And you do realize Ida, that the punishment could be much worse than this according to the military protocol?" He raised his voice so she could understand the magnitude of his warning. "Fortunately, we are in crucial times, and the last thing I want is to handle a scandal involving two of my best soldiers when we should be focusing our manpower on our preparations."

Guilt encroached her like a snake. Lowering her head to avoid eye contact, Ida bit her bottom lip and nodded weakly, finding it challenging to ignore the guilt in her heart.

Shaking his head, Erwin carried on with his lecture, "Since you brought that up, I'll also place you on double duty. You'll have to take on more responsibilities, which includes training the new recruits. In addition, you're required to serve a few days of solitary confinement too."

"Fine," Ida pouted. "I apologize, it won't happen again."

"Alright," Erwin said sternly, straightening up the papers on his desk, "I believe that was all we had to discuss. You may go."

With a swell of sadness from the scolding she received, Ida dejectedly got off her chair and went for the door. It wasn't until she turned her back on Erwin did he say something that caught her completely off guard.

"Are you happy?"

She faced him, wondering if the comment was sarcastic in nature. But then a dawn of realization enlightened her. Erwin didn't make eye contact with her, finding an intense interest in her report instead, but she could feel it. He was truly asking her if she was happy.

A comfortable silence passed between them. The air had since gotten warmer for her.

Ida felt her heartstring tugged at the sight before her. Suddenly, he didn't seem like her Commander anymore, but her only biological family left. Not too long ago, she had confessed her love for Levi before him. Erwin didn't say much then. Now that she thought about it, he didn't even put in much effort to form a strong familial bond with her as a confidant, so it amazed her that he was asking such a thing.

"How stupid," she murmured, smiling radiantly. "You shouldn't worry about me, Erwin."

Erwin's eyes slowly met hers when she said this and he stopped writing. Not so much that there was a genuinely happy smile on his face, but seeing her smiling made him want to smile too. But the fact that she had just received a reprimand was a powerful deterrent.

"But to answer your question. I'm happy, happier than I've ever been."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Fingers on his temples, Levi stared at the paper in his hands as he nursed his pounding headache. He had long decided that this was easily the stupidest thing about being a civil servant. Paperwork. Piles and piles of useless paperwork. What a load of worthless effort over absolutely nothing.

There was no need for the squad leaders to be aware of every tiny useless change here and there. But it was all about shitty accountability. Despite his distaste for it, he prided himself on being a diligent worker, so his work was usually completed way before the time given.

Though currently, Levi found that not only was he way behind schedule, but his work was endless too.

With heavy eyebags underneath his eyes, he glared at the pile of reports that rested on his desk like a fucking tumor. Over the past week, he realized that the pile delivered to him was larger than usual and it didn't take long for him to discern what was happening.

This was Erwin's punishment.

He wasn't going to let him off the hook so easily for going absent without leave. Though Erwin did not say a quip regarding the incident to him directly, he showed his disapproval in the most aggravating way possible: by assigning him more work.

A 'tch' escaped him. Vexed by the shitty situation he found himself in, Levi forcibly reprioritized. The date to retake Wall Maria was looming closer, there was no time for sleep anyway.

Being tired was an understatement. Levi was completely, painfully, and utterly exhausted. In the span of the last couple days, he had gone through so many documents he thought he might go blind from reading another report. As if the shitty menial tasks he had to perform weren't making him exhausted enough, he was also not getting enough sleep.

He felt himself wavering in his seat, his balance sublimely challenged by gravity. He should open his eyes to avoid collision with the floor, but his eyelids were so heavy. The sensation of resting his eyes was too euphoric.

If only he could have a couple more seconds to rest—

"Pardon my intrusion!" The door to his office slammed open. Levi jolted when Sasha's roaring voice breached his once peaceful state. "Captain, are you there?!"

"What?" Levi groaned, hurling a steel-edged glare in their direction. Why the hell was everyone so noisy?

She ran towards him with Connie following behind. The two recruits promptly plopped another stack of paperwork on his table, panting. They looked like they ran here. Sasha faced him, ready to explain why she was here, but instead of explaining she paled at the sight of his face.

"C – Captain, what happened to you?!" Sasha squeaked, backing away from him dramatically.

"Tch." Levi scowled. Impatient, he turned to Connie instead. "You explain instead of her."

Connie ground his teeth. He found the Captain difficult to handle when he was in these sorts of moods. "Uh, you look…"

Levi merely grunted in response. Judging by how shitty he was feeling, he knew he probably looked like shit as well.

Sensing his Captain's foul mood, Connie shifted on his feet and got to the main point of their visit. "Uhm… Hanji-san wanted your help to check these documents about her recent experiment—"

"No," Levi snapped, doing an awful job of hiding his irritation. "Get someone else to do it, I've no reason to give a shit one way or the other."

The two friends peered at each other for support, sending not-so-subtle messages on who should be the one to convince him. From the way these two idiots were behaving, Levi could tell that Hanji had specifically told them to pass the workload to him.

Fucking shitty glasses.

Hanji or not, Levi wasn't about to take on the extra work. Not when he had enough on his hands as it is. He was just about to make his stance clear again when someone else came into the office.

"Levi, I got you tea."

Ida stopped at the door, stalled by the tense atmosphere. Her eyes migrated from his face to the two younger soldiers. Sure enough, Sasha and Connie looked at her with expectant eyes. Their nervous body language said it all, they were relieved to see her.

She glanced cautiously at him and placed the tea she was holding on his table. "You look like shit, have you been sleeping enough?" she muttered, skimming through the items on his cluttered desk. "Why don't you take a rest, you're scaring them."

Scaring them? Levi scoffed inwardly. They should've known better than to bother him with such trivialities.

Taking the tea Ida delivered, there was merely a grunt in response from him. He was skimming through another report when Ida snatched it from him. "Go to bed."

He glared up at her. "It's three in the damn afternoon and I have work to do."

Ida held her gaze defiantly. "You're overworking yourself, there's too much work for you to complete in a day."

"You know damn well why that is so."

As soon as the words escaped his lips, Levi's stern expression morphed into one of regret. It seemed as if he was chastising himself for blurting out that insensitive comment.

Instead of getting upset as he expected her to, Ida nodded understandingly. "I know, so I'll take over your work for today," she said in a mild voice, surprising everyone in the room.

Sasha and Connie, as well as Levi, stared at her with open-mouthed confusion. Her carefree irresponsibility was well-known and taken to heart. Why on earth was she offering to take on extra workload now?

Ida only smiled. "I've done your paperwork before, remember? It isn't that hard."

Without waiting for a reply, she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of his chair.

She pushed him towards the door. "Just go, I'll handle it."

"Oi—"

"I won't slack off," Ida promised, wagging her finger. "And I won't take 'no' for an answer, so get out of the office."

"My God, woman," Levi grated. He looked like he was about to retort with more angry words. Instead, he closed his eyes and said, "I need it all done by tonight."

Ida nodded eagerly. "Done."

"Don't regret this and come crying a few hours later," Levi grumbled.

Cemented by her resolve to get him out of his office, Ida crossed her arms and gestured her head to the door. Levi made a sound underneath his teeth. Damn it. He took a few more moments to stare at her. As reluctant as he was to leave, dealing with Ida's stubbornness was something he would much rather avoid. And she was right. He could take a rest.

When he passed by the recruits, Ida noticed they had a small, but highly entertained, smile on their faces. It appears they were amused seeing Levi acting the way he did with Ida — she was practically sending their revered Captain to bed like a naughty child.

Unfortunately for them, it wasn't just Ida who noticed these smiles.

"What the hell are you brats smiling about?" Levi suddenly roared. "You two must really want to spend some time in solitary confinement."

All smiles evaporated like water under the sun. They lowered their heads at once. "N — Nothing, sir!"

Satisfied with their quick reaction, another irritated 'tch' escaped him when Levi finally left the room.

Relieved by his departure, Sasha exhaled gustily. "Ah, I thought I was going to die there!"

"He looked like a demon with those eyebags," Connie nodded, his shoulders relaxing.

"Well, Ida-san!" Sasha grinned at their savior. "The documents Hanji wants signed are there, we'll take our leave now—"

"Who says that you two are leaving?"

"Huh?" Connie and Sasha echoed in unison, mystified.

Ida faced them, smiling as a tiger would at its prey. "It's not as if I can finish all these by myself. You two are going to help me. And don't you dare slack off, there won't be any dinner for you if you do."

The blood drained from Sasha's complexion at that threat.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Humming.

Ida was humming while doing her paperwork.

Sasha stopped her quill mid-air.

Since when did Ida hum? Sasha was sure it was her. She looked at Connie. He looked equally as appalled hearing her hum. Considering all the gossip that Eren told her though, and how Ida was cheerier since her sudden two-week leave, it could only mean one thing.

"I thought she hated paperwork more than anything," she whispered to her best friend beside him. Never could Sasha imagine Ida looking so happy while completing work that wasn't even hers.

Connie stole a few more glances at their superior behind the desk. "Is this the power of love we heard so much about?" He shivered. "Shit, they are really in a relationship, huh? You think while they are here… at night… they would be…"

Sasha just looked at him, as though telling him to categorically avoid that train of thought.

"Heh," Connie chuckled nervously, stealing another surreptitious glance at Ida. "Maybe she can give some advice to that block-head Marlow, that idiot. It's so obvious that Hitch—"

He must have said that a bit too loudly because the humming stopped, and Ida looked up from her documents. "And why would I give advice to him, Connie?"

Damn it. Damn the shittiness of his luck. He should've known better than to gossip in front of her.

Frazzled by her searing glare that was clearly demanding an answer, Connie stammered. "I — I, uh well…"

Having noticed his dilemma, Sasha swooped in to save him. "You look happier these days! Did something good happen?"

"Happier?" Ida raised a thin eyebrow. She thought through it for a while, before she said, "What makes you say so?"

"You've changed," Connie answered, rubbing the back of his neck. He was relieved that they had successfully steered the conversation elsewhere.

Meanwhile, Sasha eagerly nodded in agreement. "It feels as though you've opened up. You're much nicer now."

Ida cleared her throat. The red hue on her cheeks made her embarrassment obvious.

"It's nothing," she murmured. "Fine, since you kids are so nice today, you can leave for your dinner. I'll handle the rest."

"Really?!" Sasha beamed, ecstatic that she didn't have to be stuck with boring paperwork.

Their superior said nothing but nodded.

"Woo!" Connie cheered as he rose from his seat. "Let go, Sasha!"

"But before that," Ida stopped them. "I'm still waiting for that explanation on Marlow, what advice does he need? Is there something bothering him?"

Connie paled. Darn it! He had hoped they had successfully distracted her from that topic.

Unfortunately for him, Sasha was too caught up in a jovial mood over the dinner that she babbled everything. "We just thought that seeing as you are in a relationship with Captain, you could give him some advice!"

Ida stalled at her statement. She seemed to have frozen over in her seat. Meanwhile, Connie gaped at Sasha, shocked that she brought it up with her. That food-loving idiot! What in all the walls was she doing?!

"I…" Ida stammered, clearly caught off guard. "I don't know what you're talking about. We were never in a relationship."

"Eh?" Sasha tilted her head to the side. "But I've seen Captain leave your room once or twice in the morning—"

Before she could only continue any further, a quill flew past her, missing by just an inch. Sasha and Connie yelped in fear. Turning back the source of the projectile, Ida's face was nearly as red as her hair.

Oh fuck.

"You stinking brats! How dare you tease your superior?! Is this what I teach you kids?!"

"Shit!" Connie gasped, grabbing onto Sasha to make a run for it. "Damn it, Sasha! Run!"

Without wasting another second, the recruits fled the room. Ida chased after them, hollering at them to stop. By the time she reached the door, the fleeing pair had already escaped by making a sharp turn down the hallway.

"Come back when you're five years older!" she shouted, knowing full well that they could still hear her.

A burst of hearty laughter flowed down the hallway. Ida knew it was them. She shook her head. Before she catch herself, a smile graced her expression. Kids these days.

"Ida-san!"

She turned, meeting with a recruit. He was an unfamiliar face. He probably joined the Survey Corps during her leave, she reasoned.

"Your name, recruit?"

"Floch Forster, ma'am!" He saluted stiffly. "I was told to deliver this report to Captain Levi, but I can't seem to find him!"

Staring at the report the recruit was proffering towards her, Ida sighed when she grabbed it. "I understand, you can go now, I'll take it from here."

As Ida watched the new recruit walk away, she was suddenly reminded of the other business that she had to take care of. The newest member of her squad, Seth Fischer. She had been putting it off ever since she got back, but she figured that she couldn't avoid the matter any longer.

Once and for all, she had to sever all loose ends.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Seth Fischer could never put into words what it mentally felt like to prepare oneself for an inevitable conversation that one dread. No matter how many times he ran over this conversation in his head, he always faced the reality of reminding himself of the blood on his hands. The crimson color became stained ribbons that clung to his palms and fingers.

"You've seen better days."

He turned to Ida who was seated calmly beside his sickbed when she said this. Green eyes. Judgmental eyes. Beautiful eyes. She looked better, healthier even. Once he assessed her physical and emotional state, Seth couldn't bear to look at her for another second. The guilt was too much for him to bear.

His gaze found immense interest in his hands that laid on his lap instead. "I heard you were away on official matters..."

"Is that what they told you?"

He smiled knowingly. "I figured that wasn't the case. I might be cooped up here for the past weeks, but I was aware he wasn't in the headquarters either when you were gone... Eren and the rest were kind enough to visit and update me."

"I see," she said flatly. He could tell Ida was determined to not let the threatening silence to cascade between them, because she followed up with a question. "How are you feeling?"

"Recovering," Seth replied, smiling inwardly at how their conversation had turned to be one between acquaintances. "I'm scheduled to be discharged from here in a week, but it looks like I can't participate in the expedition for Wall Maria." He waved his hand that was in a cast. "Would take a month to recover at least."

Ida appeared torn and regretful, but her apology was surface level. "I'm sorry about what happened. It should've never come to this."

"Don't be," Seth found her sentimental comment depressing. Sadness and misery didn't describe how he felt anymore. He didn't want her to blame herself. "I've thought about what you said, and… I was wondering if your offer was still available? You were right. The Survey Corps isn't for me."

"Always," Ida said without hesitation, a poignant understanding dimmed in her green eyes. "It'll do you good to just… live normally, I guess…"

He felt the air escape him. Normally? The morbid comment slammed him back to the bleak reality. How could he live normally after what he had done? What was he without her?

But Ida wouldn't want him around her anymore. Not after what he had done. In her eyes, he was certain that he was beyond salvation.

"Yeah," he agreed, his tone feigned with humor. "Living lavishly in a big mansion, leeching off you, that sounds like a normal life indeed."

He must've said something wrong because silence cloaked Ida's lips afterward. Suddenly, the tension was palpable. She remained quiet for a couple of seconds after, staring at him keenly. It was like there was something else bothering her.

"I will never forgive you, Seth."

Dread coursed through him. His eyes flicked over to her, seeing nothing but an emotionless veil on her features. His fingers curled against the sheets. The condemnation in her tone was bringing back the sensations of pain. Looking back at his hands, Seth swallowed dryly.

"I know," he whispered. "I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness."

His obvious conflicted state seemed to have no effect on Ida, because she carried on talking, unperturbed. "Your intentions might be good, but I was never a magnanimous person Seth. You betrayed me, and most of all… you killed them. I can never bring myself to look past that."

He felt sick to the hilt. He had known all of this, it had churned in his mind a thousand times, but hearing this from her was the final seal on his death sentence. But Seth never blamed her. He couldn't. He deserved it.

Because of him, Ida was strung between the painful reality and stinging fantasy, having nothing but rags for appearance, scars for a heart, and resentment for a personality. For a long time, she walked around with scars from the festering wound caused by his betrayal and his selfishness.

"I can never forgive you," Ida repeated with a vehement ardor. She sounded strong, represented by the intense hatred she reserved only for him. "But…"

Seth found himself positively drawn to her abrupt and sudden break that ended her confessional attempt. He turned to stare at her, wondering why she looked so hesitant.

Condemned me, his soul was pleading, but he was only met with a dawn of pain that illuminated in her honest eyes. It wasn't your fault, it was all mine.

His lips parted at her agonized form. "Ida—"

"You don't need my forgiveness, Seth," she interrupted hurriedly. "It's not me that you need forgiveness from, before anything, you need to forgive yourself for what you have done. Only you can do that."

His erratic heartbeat stilled at her words. Her statement carried sharp chills down his spine.

Ida cracked a small smile that radiated pain. The agony in her tone was evident, yet her facial expression carried her regrets the most. "Forgive yourself, for how you chose to survive. The truth is Seth, I come to realize that… unless we let go, unless we forgive ourselves, unless we forgive the situation… we can never move forward. It's not my forgiveness that will free you, that can only come from yourself. I hope you know that… despite everything I wish you could forgive yourself and move on."

Time stood still.

His stomach churned. An electric impulse ran under his skin. For the past weeks, Seth pictured this very instance on his dark days — the moment where Ida would finally be ready to face him again.

Was it possible to forgive all the pain he caused to her? Was it even possible to forgive himself? Why was she doing this?

Seth stared at her with a heavy, aching heart. Ida only smiled sadly at him. In the short moment, they appeared like the couple they once were. She was his first love again. But the cold look returned to her emerald eyes.

The realization trickled from his physical wounds into his heart.

His Ida was gone. He killed her. She would never smile in front of him again. Her beautiful soul was now reserved for the man now standing beside her — the one who didn't share a marred history with her wrought with blood and betrayal.

But he had to move on, for both their sakes.

The wounds that he had left on her were finally healed by another. And she was a different person now. He couldn't hold her back. Not anymore. He had no right too.

"Yeah," he murmured, and this time, his smile was genuine. "We have to move forward."

Ida's eyes never left Seth's while she acknowledged his words. Slowly, she rose from her seat and smoothened out the creases on her uniform. "Thank you for everything, Seth."

His heart warmed and he nodded. She was no longer the broken girl that needed guidance in the Underground City. He thought of how strong she looked now, how unbreakable. As long as she was happy, then nothing else mattered.

Ida had chosen her road, and now it was time for him to do the same.

But then a disturbingly paramount thought entered his mind. His throat grew dryer when the impact of the jarring thought rammed into him. The present situation was barely holding onto his strong will by its trembling tail.

No, he said in his mind. He couldn't tell her. Not ever.

"Ida," he said, careful to keep his expression and tone neutral. "Are you... happy with him?"

Her frown was imminent. It was obvious that she had never expected that question to come from him. He could sense that she was measuring up the severity of the question before she answered, "The life that I'm living currently... is all that I could ever ask for."

The statement faced him with its blank depiction. But the implications of Ida's answer were clear. In the split second that they made eye contact; Seth could read her mind. She was speaking the truth — she was happy, she was at peace, and she was in love.

Suddenly, the momentary peace he found himself in minutes ago when he thought he should forgive himself disappeared, and Seth was back drowning in a vortex of regret, pain, and guilt. He steeled himself for the inevitable grim reality.

The truth.

He should tell her the truth about the Starkes. About the true nature of her family's power. He shouldn't keep any more secrets from her. History would only repeat itself if he did. It was now or ever. This was his chance to tell her all that he had been keeping from her and the Survey Corps.

But he couldn't.

He couldn't risk it. He couldn't risk her. It was the only way. No one could be trusted.

"That's great," he forced a plastered smile to his face. "But Ida, no matter what path we might take, I want to know my promise still stands. I'll protect you, no matter the price."

Ida's features contorted at his promise. "This again?" She shook her head. "Seth, I don't need your protection."

Seth feigned a smile and easily lied by saying, "Yeah, you don't."

But you do.

Because you are a Starke.

The last Starke, and because of that, you will always be tied to a certain destiny. But I won't allow that to happen. Not ever. Even if the price was the destruction of the world, I will stand by you. My silence will be your ultimate protection.

"I have work to do," Ida was already making her way to the exit, "I'll arrange for your transport to the Starke Estate, you'll leave by the end of next week."

Once Ida left the room, the sick ward he was in grew just a tad bigger. Seth exhaled sharply as he buried his face in his hands. His face teemed with agony when he remembered what he had learned about the Starkes from working under Jaron Starke.

'The last Starke,' those words kept repeating in his head, plunging him deeper into the abyss.

Ida was the last Starke.

He clutched his chest. Their history had dearth, built on top of pain and insufferable affection. The flood of memories of her smile remained overwhelming, even after all this time. It was hard to suppress such strong ardor for her, especially after he came to terms with what sort of despicable person he was.

He wanted her to live, to be happy.

As he thought of this, the mental imagery of Levi Ackerman appeared at the forefront of his mind. His fingers curled together. If love was in the equation for them both, then Levi had to protect her. He could only hope that he would always choose her.

Whether Seth wanted to or not, Ida represented home, stability, and belongingness. She represented the social and emotional capital he was robbed of as an orphan. Their makeshift family in the Underground was the only group of people who loved him unconditionally. Seth didn't even know what unconditional meant until he met them. Although Ida would never see him as family again, the cloak of lies was too comfortable to take off.

All these years, it kept him warm and sane.

Because of that, he would always selfishly value her life above anything.

He felt a low sweeping swoop to his stomach when he thought about how Ida had accused him of hiding things about the Starkes a month ago.

Forgive himself?

He smiled bitterly. Fool.

"Ida…" Seth whispered to the room, "...you should've known that I was beyond salvation..."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

"I thought I told you not to overwork yourself," Ida frowned, closing the door behind her, "Why are you looking at reports at this hour?"

It had been about three days since that incident with the paperwork. Full of spite that she had spent hours stuck in Levi's office buried under a pile of paperwork, she went to Erwin the next day, hellbent on getting him to drop the punishment. The stiff Levi might've been okay with it, but Ida certainly wasn't.

Levi peered up from his report. "Did anyone see you come in?"

"No." She walked towards him. "It's in the middle of the night, who do you think would be awake? It's way past curfew."

He didn't reply and focused on his work instead. The image of Levi dressed casually in white shirt and black lounge pants reminded her of the cabin that they stayed at. Ida smiled at the reminiscent thought. Anything that could evoke such wonderful nostalgia was a beauty in her book.

"I'm so tired. I held the live exercise today for the new recruits," Ida said, stretching her arms. "There was a new brat there, I think his name was Floch, but yeah it was a kid with really bad hair, it was like a rat's nest." She wrinkled her nose. "He was boasting about joining the Survey Corps to his friends all throughout the session, as though they weren't in the Survey Corps themselves."

"Tch." Levi scoffed. "Their brains have all been hopeless from the very start. Best you get it drilled in their hollow heads that their job isn't a shitty game."

She grabbed the paper from his hand with a playful smirk. "Just like what you did with me?"

He flicked her forehead and snatched the paper back. "You were way worse, brat."

She pouted and snorted rudely. "It's late you should sleep."

"I'm fine," Levi dismissed her concerns. "I've rested enough."

Rolling her eyes, she went to the bed and laid down. Lying on her stomach with the pillow underneath her, she glanced at Levi who was still on the couch. Damn stubborn midget. She knew he was a workaholic but how stiff can he get?

"If you are not going to sleep, I'll just stay awake with you," she declared with huff.

Levi returned his stern gaze to her. "Just go to bed first, I'm looking at the supplies list for the expedition."

"I don't want to."

The argument went on for a few more minutes. Whenever it looked like he was about to combat her wishes, Ida always made sure he saw the crease of a frown form on her face. Evidently hell-bent on not upsetting her too much, Levi hissed and finally got off the couch. Silently heeding her command, he moved towards her.

She smirked when she saw him approaching. Once he was within her reach, she grabbed him and dragged him down.

"Shit!"

She wrapped herself around him tightly. Once Ida was certain he wasn't going to get away and was safely secured in her make-shift prison, she faced him and said, "If you're going to stand up, then you just have to shake me off."

Levi didn't reply, but he glanced towards the ceiling instead and grumbled. Ida smiled when she saw the muscles of his jaw tightening. Content at his silence, she laid her head on her chest. "I know retaking Wall Maria is important, but at least take a rest. You're tired, aren't you? You shouldn't push yourself so hard."

When he didn't answer her again, she looked back at him. "You sleep better when I'm around right?"

"Idiot, you're just like a damn kid," Levi sighed and closed his eyes. "Fine, suit yourself."

"Just go to bed," she whispered soothingly, caressing his hair. "I'll stay here and leave before everyone wakes up."

Moments passed in silence with Ida still stroking him to sleep. To her surprise, Levi fell asleep quickly. Not fully asleep yet, Ida lifted her drowsy lids and stared up at him lethargically. There was adoration in her riveting green eyes. It was like this scene was all she was waiting for.

"Honestly," she murmured, smiling. "You're this tired and you still tried to fight it off."

Untangling herself from Levi, she placed a warm comforting hand on his cheek.

A person who had received a certain obligation, she thought sombrely. Soon, he will have to be at the frontline and put his life at risk again. Sacrificing his own life for the sake of other people. A cruel fate that ultimately requires him to endure all by himself.

Despite her somber thoughts, Ida's heart warmed. She leaned forward and kissed his nose lightly. "Goodnight, Levi."

Levi's sleeping face still had a slight scowl to it, but she thought he looked so innocent when he was asleep. She must have looked like a crazy lovestruck fool, but she adored it.

Changing my twisted destiny, saving humanity are all important, but I'm not going to let this man bear this heavy fate alone.

Resolved by her own statement, Ida snuggled next to him and spooned up behind him. He stirred in his sleep. Instinctively, Levi turned and draped a hand over her frame. A quirk of a satisfied smile appeared upon her drowsy face when he did this. She melded into his frame with a sigh and rested her face on his chest, blissfully happy.

As she drifted off to sleep, tired from a long day and drunk on his scent and warmth, Ida prayed that the days where he can fall asleep peacefully like this would continue.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

There was a screeching sound followed by the loud crash of the prisoner's chair falling backward. Erwin regarded the man on the floor who was quaking in fear with an impassive expression. The prisoner's eyes were round as saucers, inundated with horror at what he had just heard.

Ida crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, her attention solely on the scene occurring before her.

When Erwin had asked her this morning to accompany him for inspection in one of the detainment camps, she had not expected him to bring her to meet a prisoner.

She smirked, relishing the sight of Djell Sannes groveling on the floor in front of Erwin. Where was the self-righteous and hypocritical arrogant man now? Spending a few tortuous weeks under Darius Zackley's pleasure had broken him. He was nothing more than a shell of his former self.

"T — That can't be…" Djell spluttered. This was the worst possible scenario for him. "That teacher…"

"Yes, Mr. Smith was my father." Erwin reiterated stoically from behind the table. "It's a common surname, it's likely that the Military Police overlooked this connection."

His wheezing hampered Djell's ability to think — there was so much to address at once, and he could sense just how bad this situation was for him.

"I know nothing!" Djell shouted, dread shadowing his words. "P — Please, just kill me! I — I can't bear it any longer! I'm so sorry!"

"I don't need your apologies, Sannes," Erwin stated calmly. "I'm not here to hold you accountable for what you did. I understand that you were just a recruit back then and you heeded the chain of command. There was nothing you could do."

"Then…" A spark of hope had ignited in Djell's frightened eyes. "Why are you here?"

"You're the last survivor of the squad who captured him. My father was a remarkable man. Surely, his final words had left an impression on you." Erwin's eyes narrowed. "Tell me all the information you managed to get out of him."

"T — That's it?" Djell stammered. "That's all you want to know?"

"The details of his death do not interest me. What interest is what information you managed to get out of him," confirmed Erwin apathetically. "It's necessary that you cooperate, Sannes."

The handcuffs around the prisoner clinked noisily when he shifted into a kneeling position.

"H — He said something about monarchy altering the people's memories… and that it was near impossible for humanity not to have passed down oral history. He also said it's debatable that we are the only humans left alive… and that us... t — torturing him only proved that it was true..."

Ida grimaced when she heard the last bit. Was this how her grandfather died? Under torture?

Erwin only nodded. "Anything else?"

"N — No! That was all he said! Trust me! I told you everything I remembered!"

A short pause reigned. Ida could tell Erwin was measuring him up for any traces of lies.

"I understand." The chair creaked when Erwin stood up. "If you remember anything else, tell the officers here to send for me."

When they left the interrogation room, Ida couldn't contain her curiosity any longer.

"What was that all about?" she demanded the moment the door closed behind her. "He said nothing you didn't know already. What an absolute waste of time."

"I was hoping that he might have more information, something else that my father theorized."

"I got that," Ida observed his profile while they meandered down the hallways, "but I fail to see how visiting an old fart and getting your father's last words would help us regain Wall Maria."

Erwin didn't even blink when he said, "My father was the one who led me down this path."

Ida was surprised at his reply. But it suddenly came to her, Erwin was talking about his dreams. He came here not as a Commander, but as a man curious about his father.

The conversation with Elsie about her missing father who was destined for greater things sprinted through her memory land. Suddenly, Ida understood why Erwin was willing to abandon even them for his dreams. They were embedded in him since childhood. It was his life mission.

"Why am I here then?" Ida asked quietly. "You could've interrogated him yourself."

Even under her dissecting gaze, Erwin steeled himself behind a signature calm. "You wanted to know about my dreams, I only thought it was fitting that you were there."

She couldn't stop herself from frowning. Ida hadn't expected Erwin to remember her request. But since he was being honest, Ida thought it was only reasonable that she dropped all pretenses too.

She paused, looking nowhere in particular as she gathered her thoughts. "This isn't what I meant, Erwin. What I wanted to know was why? Why are you so hell-bent on proving your father's theories true?"

He was silent for a few moments. "It was my fault he died."

Curiosity dissipated out of Ida's eyes. Stupefaction took its place. "What?"

"I was young and naïve. I told my classmate what my father told me in confidence." Erwin's voice was frosted with the same tone of indifference. There was absolutely no guilt in his voice. "I was proud that someone else shared my suspicions, and because of my actions, he was killed by his own son's foolishness."

Ida's breathing stilled at this revelation.

A tsunami of emotions thrashed in her already disjointed mind. She didn't know what to say. Instead of replying, her mind ventured on to a recollection that marked itself in her heart: the last scene of Elsie Starke biting her hand and transforming. It tortured her. It acted as a reminder of how her existence was the reason her mother sacrificed her life.

Ida felt her insides rip at every damning thought. She took in a sharp breath, realizing now why Erwin was so adamant about walking the road he had chosen for himself. Just like her, he blamed himself for the death of his parent.

This was what allowed Erwin to keep moving forward despite who he had to abandon along the way or rough the road was. Ever since his father passed, he lived with regrets but also with the purpose to justify his father's death by finding the answers of the world.

"I never got to see his body, all I heard was that he got into an accident." Although Erwin's voice remained composed, pain was now throbbing in it. "I never knew the true results of my actions. I had my suspicions but that was all. It wasn't until recently that I decided to look into his death."

When Ida migrated her eyes to Erwin, it was expressive in his face that this was a difficult memory for him to revisit.

"Do you blame yourself for it?"

"Perhaps." He smiled bitterly at himself. "But Ida, his dreams and mine were one and the same from the beginning."

She collapsed into silence at Erwin's confession. Hearing the bitterness in his voice while he explained it to her, it seemed as if he was reminding himself of that fact rather than informing her. She couldn't help but feel disappointed with his answer.

"Grisha Yeager, the basement…" Ida was caught off guard by the darker and more serious tone his voice took. "Elsie's final words also indicated that she knew of this man. The basement lies the truth of humanity and my father's legacy. No matter what I—"

"Have to go there," Ida finished for him thoughtlessly.

She bit her lip in frustration, already regretting what she just said. Ida was cursing her past self for asking Erwin such a request in the first place. Because right now, Ida didn't want to know. She didn't want to know because it meant that she had to understand. And Ida didn't want to understand. Not when it meant she would've to allow a handicapped Erwin to go on the expedition to Wall Maria.

"Is this so important to you?" she asked quietly, dreading his answer.

"Yes," Erwin confirmed without hesitation.

"Even more than humanity's victory?"

The blunt accusation quickly caused a hushed silence to fall between them. Erwin stared at her blankly. It was times like this that Ida wished she could see past his unreadable expression.

The cold glint in Erwin's blue eyes began to diminish and a languid smile tugged on his lips. "What do you think of me, Ida?"

Her stoic expression descended into a confused one. "Huh?"

"Do I look like a selfless commander to you?"

Something stirred inside her when he mentioned this. The way he was behaving disconcerted her. Though he gave no physical inclination of his thoughts, Ida could sense that the conflict deep within. It was a leading question. Erwin didn't want her answer, he wanted her to know exactly what type of person he was. He wanted her to condemn him. To tell him that he was immoral, vile, and wrong for holding onto his own personal ideals.

She knew this well because she saw herself in him. Erwin was questioning his own motivations, just like she did in the past.

Erwin continued to speak when it was clear that he had claimed Ida's attention.

"It wasn't until I joined the Survey Corps that I realized that I was fighting for myself and for a dream that only I wanted to see." Erwin gave her a small smile. It was his way of trying to lighten the tension forming between them when he caught the disapproving spark in Ida's eyes. "I led men to their deaths, inspired them, and roused them… not because I genuinely cared about humanity, but it all because of my own selfish dreams."

Ida shut her eyes briefly. Normally she would let him have his way because she realized how stubborn Erwin could be, but this was different. This wasn't the Erwin she knew. She also couldn't ignore the insinuating tone from the last part of his speech.

"But that doesn't matter does it?" Ida said with cool conviction. Resolution saturated her stare. "None of this matters. All that you did — if it was merely for just your dreams, then yes it would've made you the most detestable villain there is. But your dreams are also what got us this far… if it can save humanity as well then…"

When she saw how dark Erwin's eyes were, she relinquished her verbal thoughts and went silent.

She realized how damned he was then. At that moment, Ida thought that they truly were father and daughter. She could understand his situation because she had struggled with the same dilemma once.

They weren't like the selfless Levi or Hanji or any other good soldiers who started their journey as scouts because they cared about humanity. Back then, she only wanted to find a purpose in her life, and she stayed on because she wanted to protect the people she cared about.

It was the same for Erwin. Everything was started because of a dream from childhood, and he acted on it to achieve his private goals. But unlike her, he found himself giving out commands and leading others. He became an inspiration to the Survey Corps. The ingenious Commander selflessly fighting for humanity.

This new facade gave birth to the greatest conflict within him, powered by his self-contradiction.

Under a fabricated false ambition of fighting for humanity's future, Erwin continued to fool himself under the expectation of others. Drowning in an abyss of his own poisonous thoughts, he was enslaved in his own lost self. Every inspirational speech he made about how it was for the sake of humanity's future tormented him because he felt that he was lying to the soldiers who followed him.

And as the death counts of his subordinate rose every expedition, the sins on his shoulder grew heavier and gave fuel to the fire of his internal conflict.

Unable to keep silent any longer and feeling anxious over how tense the conversation had turned, she exhaled wearily.

"Erwin," Ida veered her attention back to the hallway in front of them. "You're not the kind of person who would prioritize only your own dreams. Even if that's the case, I don't think that makes you a bad person either."

He regarded her poignantly. "What makes you say I won't ever choose my dreams over humanity?"

"You won't," she assured confidently. "I have faith."

"Haven't we established that I'm not a selfless commander?" The content of the question was stern, yet it didn't match his gentle voice.

"That doesn't mean you will."

He smiled at her insistence. He took a second to wrap his mind around something and then nodded.

Ida cleared her throat. "Where to next?"

Erwin seemed to have picked up her reluctance to continue the topic. "I have a meeting with the Garrison, you can head back to the headquarters first."

"Forget it. My schedule is free today, I'll accompany you."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Year 849, Trost District

A numbing ache ran through Ida's legs as she marched down the streets with the legion that was cloaked with a shameful solemn silence. Her uniform always felt unbearably heavy after an expedition. She wondered wryly if it was because of the bloodstains. Expelling a tired sigh, she focused on the profile of her Captain that was walking in front of her, blocking out of the jeers that came from the civilians.

"Look at how many of them are injured this time, a waste of taxpayer's money!"

"Why are we paying these heretics to commit suicide at the hands of Titans?"

"Galton?! Galton where are you?! Where is my brother?!"

It felt as though the razor stabbed through her flesh when she heard that name—as if she was the one bleeding. Galton, Ida repeated the name in her mind. The blood on her uniform was his. Not too long ago, she was trying to stop the bleeding, only to fail miserably when his body gave up.

Right now, the soldier named Galton was now covered in a white shroud in one of the carts.

The numb hollow feeling attacked her chest again. This was her third expedition. She should've been used to this by now. But the insufferable guilt never left her. It was always there, lurking in the shadows, ready to be awakened at the most opportune time.

"Commander Erwin!"

At that loud call, the miserable legion came to an abrupt stop when a woman placed herself up in front of Erwin who was at the forefront. The anger on her expression was profound. What was happening?

"How many more?!" the woman yelled. "How many more will you lead to their deaths?!"

"Tch." Ida heard Levi made an irritated noise before he started to make his way to where Erwin was. "Another one."

Another one? Ida raised a thin eyebrow. She looked at Oluo beside her to gauge his reaction. He looked disturbed as well. Was this a common occurrence?

Deciding that it was best not to ask any questions, Ida tugged on her horse and followed her Captain to meet with their Commander. Levi's strides were striking and confident, and she could feel the deep-rooted anger within him.

When they arrived at the scene, Erwin was still trying to composedly placate the woman to let him through.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry for your loss but—"

"Sorry?!" The woman bellowed. Her teeth clashed into a tight grit as her eyes bulged. "You led hundreds of men and women to their deaths, and for what?! For a meaningless death! When will you stop?!"

The anger was too much for the woman to bear. The injustice and the spiteful revenge boiled in her brown condemning eyes. Behind the tears, pain dwelled. Her fingers tightened around the small rock in her hands. "You heartless devil!"

In that moment of uncontrollable agony, she flung the rock towards Erwin with the intent to do harm.

But it didn't hit Commander as the woman had expected it to.

Thwack!

Ida clasped her mouth in shock, in disbelief over what had happened. Levi had bolted in front of Erwin and took the hit for him. Blood oozed out from the fresh wound on his temple. While Erwin was calling out for Levi in concern, Mike had already restrained the hysterical woman that was drowning in a vortex of her grief.

"He deserves to die!" The woman was shouting, thrashing to break free Mike's iron lock grip around her. "He killed my son! That monster— it was him, it was all because of that devil—"

"Are you finished?" Levi's stone-cold voice pierced through the woman's wails.

The woman stopped abruptly, flinching. When she finally migrated her tearful eyes back to where the Commander was, she froze when she saw Levi with blood dripping down the sides of his face. The Captain's glower was so menacing, that Ida felt her throat closing up.

Levi scoffed, standing up straighter. Ida was amazed that he was able to look so conscious after taking that direct blow to the head. "Hurry up, Erwin. Let's go."

Erwin's eyebrows creased in concern. "Levi—"

"I'm fine," Levi dismissed him before he could get another word in. "Let's go before they start throwing more shit at us."

When the legion started their march again, Ida watched Levi's back with a disquiet behavior that she didn't claim as her own.

Why?

She could never understand why he took the blow for Erwin. He was the Commander. In fact, from what Elsie told her, Erwin desired to be Commander as well. A swell of anger brewed within her. Instead of feeling pity for the position that Erwin was in and despite knowing the injustice behind it all, Ida was angry for all the wrong reasons.

Her father left her for this. For a life of scorn and ridicule. To fight and risk his life for ungrateful civilians who detest them.

The responsibilities that came with being the leader of the Survey Corps meant that he should tank the full brunt of the scorn as well. He shouldn't have it any easier.

She hurried her steps until she was beside her Captain. Ida felt a tinge of concern when she studied his profile. Even for someone like him, that must have hurt. Levi was holding a handkerchief to the wound to stop the bleeding.

"You should get it checked when we get back. It looks bad."

"Get lost, Starke," Levi spat without looking at her, annoyance brimming in his tone. "I'm not obligated to see you until we reach the headquarters, so kindly piss off."

Ida set her jaw and continued walking beside him. "Why did you do it?"

"Are you deaf? I said piss—" Levi stopped suddenly. "What?"

"I said, why did you block that hit for him?" Ida clarified, trying to keep her voice clear and still. "Why are you so loyal to someone like him?"

Levi's narrowed his eyes, mystified by what he perceived to be, a naive question. The expression lasted a full five seconds before reverting into his usual sneer. "I won't say this again, Starke, piss off. I'm not in a mood for another one of your tantrums."

"Why?" she said, undeterred.

At his insistence to extract an answer from him, Levi looked at her firmly, meeting Ida glare for glare.

"You think it's easy being Commander?" Levi snapped. "You think it's easy to do what he does? I realize your hatred for him, but surely a brat with a hollow brain like you understands that it's no easy task."

"I know that, but—"

"Oh, you do?" Levi said sarcastically, his patience wearing thin. "Without him, there'll be more deaths than you can fucking count. He was the one who invented the long-distance scouting formation. Every strategy, he was the one to came up with it, not to mention his efforts to keep the Corps together."

His glare intensified. "You chose to stay in the Corps, you know better than any of those dumb shits what it's like out there and the hell that it'll bring if those Titans breach the Wall again. He is needed more than any of us. He would be the one who will lead humanity to victory against those shitty monsters beyond the Walls."

Clearly annoyed that he had to explain something like this to her, another 'tch' escaped him. Levi tugged his horse roughly. "Get lost before you piss me off anymore."

This time, Ida allowed him to leave. Her pace slowed down until she was back with her squad. Petra placed a comforting hand on her shoulder when she sensed her sour mood.

Stupid midget, Ida grumbled miserably to herself. Of course, I knew all of that already.

But it still annoyed her, nevertheless. Elsie had always said that Erwin was a great man, and it irritated her that it was the truth. It irritated her because she had spent her childhood with a missing father. It irritated her because while she was yearning for him, he had gone onto do something amazing for the world when he did nothing for her.

Ida wanted to hate him. She deserved to hate him, and for that, she was determined to pick him apart.

Her miserable wistfulness gripped her suffocated heart. Erwin wasn't the perfect commander in everyone's eyes, she was certain. After all, he played God with everyone's lives. Being such an important figure in the legion, Erwin never had to place himself in a dangerous position before. He gambled with everyone's lives but his own.

She expelled another tired breath.

But despite the irrational perspective she was forcing herself to look at, Ida came to a despondent conclusion that extraordinary people like Erwin and Levi were fated for extraordinary lives, no matter how sad or twisted it was. They would be the ones to save humanity.

She bit her lip, finding it challenging to ignore the discontent in her chest. If Ida was being truthful, Erwin always struck her as the type of guy who had always been inherently "good" — it was just that he was required to do bad things. This was probably why she hated him. Because extraordinary life or not, it was disappointing to know that Erwin would sacrifice everything to achieve his goal, even such normal — and what she believed to be necessary — human desire like family.

As though to further attack her, Elsie's voice from the past came to her mind: "Your father... was a great man, but he could not stay beside us because he was destined for greater things."

Living as just her father? Ida inwardly chuckled at her childhood thoughts and lifted her head to stare at the two men fated for an extraordinary life.

She smiled bitterly at herself.

Who was she kidding?

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

It had been a while since he had been at Trost's western tower, which housed the controls for the gate as well as the offices of the officers who controlled it. By the time Erwin was done with his meeting for the preparations for the retake of Wall Maria, the paved training yard was empty. Most of the Garrison soldiers were still at dinner, lingering over their meager rations to stretch their hour of free time.

Ida was nowhere to be seen when the meeting concluded. If his memory had not mistaken him, she did say she was going to look around the Garrison base while he was in the meeting.

The soldiers on watch saluted him when he approached them, eager to make a good impression now that word had gotten out that the Survey Corps had risen as the dominant military power. When Erwin asked if Ida had returned to the headquarters already, they kindly pointed to the direction of the top of Trost Gate.

Following their directions, there was Ida, sitting alone with her back against one of the big cannons, eating an apple while watching the sunset.

"You sure took your time." She didn't look at him. "I was so hungry I thought I might starve to death waiting for you."

Erwin walked out onto the gate until he was standing beside her. She held out another apple towards him.

"You haven't had dinner yet, right? You should eat something," Ida shook the apple as a gesture for him to take it, "for such an important man, you really do take such bad care of yourself."

He took the apple from her awkwardly. Erwin stared at it, not knowing what to say. It was a strange gesture coming from her. Ida hardly showed him any concern. Meanwhile, his daughter's gaze was back on the sunset before them.

While Ida was engrossed in the scenery, Erwin's attention was irrecoverably on her. He observed that her expression was calm, almost poignant. She was thinking about something.

He placed the uneaten apple on top of the cannon and tried to make casual conversation.

"You seem to like it here."

"Yeah, I do. If you take out the ugly Titans beyond there, the scenery is pretty calming. You?"

"Standing on the wall always makes me emotional. It's been a while since Rose became the first Wall instead of Maria." He walked towards the edge of the wall. "This is the boundary line for now, for the areas of humans and the area of Titans — the line between life and death."

He looked down at the fields splashed with new green. No Titans were visible today. Just flocks of geese arrowing across the last delicate clouds, flying in for the first signs of spring. A strong gust of wind blew past him, flapping his empty right sleeve in the wind.

"When I stand here, I feel that I can see myself very well…" he finished thoughtlessly.

"What's up with you?" Ida tried to scrutinize him for some emotion with the statement he posed. "You seem to be unusually chatty today, Erwin."

Again, Erwin did not shift his sight from the scenery. "Am I?"

"Did those stupid officers give you a hard time at the meeting again?" Ida shook her head, aware of the scorn he received from the other military branches in the past. "You have the civilians' support now. Those pigs should just learn to shut up and cower behind the walls."

He finally withdrew his gaze from the world below and settled his full attention on his daughter. He smiled at her in amusement. "Are you getting angry for my sake, Ida?"

Ida stared at him, mystified. The expression lasted a while before returning back into her usual scowl. "I – I get angry at anyone who talks shit about my Commander. You represent us. Any insult directed to you is an insult directed to me."

A mingled chuckle escaped him when he spotted the red blush on her cheeks. "Not to worry, no one gave me a hard time."

"Good," she nodded. "The next time some asshole calls you stupid names, I'll punch him for you."

"There's no need for that. I'm already used to being called names. Savage, mad man…" He paused. "…devil..."

Ida's caught onto the pause. A frown touched her eyebrows. Erwin could tell that she was studying him intently. All of a sudden, the light-hearted mood between them had turned tense. He could sense it.

"My grandfather… Elsie's father…" she started, drawing his attention. "He called the Starkes — his own family — the devils on earth."

She shifted uncomfortably on her feet.

"But I decided not to care what people call me, nothing anyone says can dictate my fate." Ida moved her gaze back to the sunset as her contemplative mind sailed on. "After all, what do the people within the walls know? What right do they have to judge us? A few months ago, most of the population thought that worshipping a God at church is the same as fighting."

Throngs of cold air threw her hair messily over her face. "I don't know what's up with you today, Erwin. But you shouldn't forget who you are. The world won't anyway. Those titles that you have, be it good or bad, you should accept it. The choices that we make… they are all our choices made by our freewill. We shouldn't regret them, or try to justify them. We only got this far because of it. It wasn't all in vain."

Though her voice was casual, Erwin deduced that there was more to her statement — a more specific reason as to why she was saying this now. He knew what it was; he'd be a fool if he couldn't figure it out by now.

Ida understood him. For all the remorse, inner turmoil, and conflict that was plaguing him since the coup, she could understand it all. How she did it was a wonder that even a brilliant strategist like him couldn't decipher, but he figured that his behavior today probably gave her some hints.

And right now, Ida was telling him that it's okay.

It was okay to be selfish, to harbor selfish dreams, and that regardless of how the world saw him, he should accept it.

Her green eyes became gentler. The way she looked at him gave away the truth. Ida had realized that he was questioning his motivations for all his audacious actions that cost hundreds of lives.

But even her rare, kind look was not enough to chase away the terrible unshakable guilt that was slowly consuming him.

Because what did the lives of those fallen soldiers give meaning to? Was it for humanity? Or was it just for his dreams? After all, he had abandoned his family to chase after something so fickle. Someone as despicable as he could do worse.

"Devils are the evil that goes against Gods," Erwin walked closer towards the edge of the Wall, "It's a fitting name for me more than you I'd say. Besides, there isn't a person like me who would go to such lengths to challenge the Titan."

He peered down the edge. He could see the scratches on the wall that the Titans had created. His stomach churned as he continued mindlessly, "But there is hell right below us, and unless we fly, we immediately become prey."

"Can you save the senile talk when you become older? I don't think I can take it yet." Ida grumbled, scowling. It was obvious she didn't like where he was taking this conversation. "Babbling about things like hell, devils, Gods... what's the point of it?"

He knew her well enough not to take offense to her crude manner of speech. He should've stopped talking, but Erwin needed her to know. He was a crippled soldier heading into a dangerous battle; odds are, he wouldn't be returning. This was an opportunity granted to him. A chance to be honest. A chance for both of them to fully understand each other as father and daughter. A closure was needed.

Erwin had given up the chance before. His choices had cost him his soul when he heard she died in the fall of Wall Maria. Never again would he allow that to happen.

"The sky was never for humans to take, Ida." Erwin tilted his head up to gaze at the sky. "Then what do we, who attempt aerial combat while shouldering temporary wings… are we the heroes who soar in the sky, or devils?"

"We are neither," Ida answered, almost too quickly. "There is no truth in this world, just people who believe in different things. It's just a different terminology that people conveniently slap on based on their beliefs."

"Indeed. Good, evil, light, darkness. They always exist simultaneously, as if they are supposed to be the same thing."

The scene of the wall cracking during Female Titan's attempted escape came to the forefront of his mind. And it was as if Erwin was there below the Walls again, and he could see the truth of the Walls that kept them safe by using the same monsters within them.

He smiled inwardly at that thought. Peel of the faces of Goddess Maria, Sina, and Rose, and they'll have the same face of the devil. The parallels were almost ironic.

Ida didn't say anything, but her eyes narrowed. Erwin could tell that the cogs in her brains were turning; she was trying to decipher the cryptic messages.

"I think you seriously lost your mind," Ida scoffed. She got off the cannon she was leaning on and tossed the half-eaten apple off the wall. "I'll really kick you off the wall if you say any more melodramatic shit, Erwin."

A bitter smile waltzed on his expression. They stood side by side on top of the wall in silence. When Erwin looked at the sunset beyond the Walls to where Shiganshina is, he thought of the mysterious basement Grisha Yeager. The place where the truth of humanity laid. The place where his dreams would finally come true.

Just a while longer.

Soon, he would reach his goal.

All he had to do was to take one more step.

Standing at the edge of the Wall, Erwin thought wryly of how minor the difference was between both sides. Heaven and hell. All that took to determine which side he was on, was just one more step.

He had come too far. He had sacrificed too much and abandoned too many. Just one more step and it will end. Even if he had to fall back to hell—

"I won't let you fall."

A gust of wind drifted past them when Ida spoke. Her clear voice cut through the numbness of his mind. Bewildered by her statement, Erwin faced her.

"Never, I won't ever let you fall," Ida's voice teemed with conviction. "No matter how many times you struggle between the lines, I will be here to grab you. Did you forget, Erwin? I won't let you die, even if you have to, even if you want to, I won't let you go."

As if the last sentence was too much for him to bear, Erwin exhaled sharply. There were so many internal conflicts bubbling within him that it was taking a toll on him. He knew what she was doing. Ida was making an eternal promise of loyalty to him. She was telling him that he would come back alive, and she would do anything in her power to see it so.

"Ida, the battlefield is unpredictable. But no matter what happens, you should never blame yourself."

"If I let my Commander die, I'm a shit soldier. I deserve the blame."

Erwin shook his head resolutely. "You shouldn't... because you are my daughter that I'm proud of."

He saw her shoulder tense up when he referred to her as his daughter. Ida stared at him with rising incredulity in her features. It was as if she couldn't believe her ears. "I… really think you've gotten dumber as you aged..."

He gave her an apologetic smile. "I doubt that."

"Best you believe it," Ida grumbled, her cheeks turning a bit red. "Senile old fart."

He laughed softly, and this time Ida joined in seconds later. Her green eyes glazed with his confessions after the laughter died down. There was a certain air of peace that came with the companionable silence.

"Erwin…"

"Hmm?" He made a noise without realizing it.

"Elsie said I've inherited your strength."

Erwin pressed his lips together. He didn't feel compelled to ask her why Elsie said it. He opted to regard her with silence instead.

"And so, I'll only say this once," Ida released a long sigh. Her voice grew sterner. "I'm equally as vicious when it comes to taking the things I want because I'm just as ruthless as you. And I don't care what you are, or what stupid dreams you secretly have, or even if you're playing God. Because before anything, you're my father, and I'll never forsake you."

She looked away again, as though to hide her expression.

"So, don't. Don't… feel like you need to repent for what you've done."

A stagnant silence hung over them. The only buffers of sounds shared in their environment was the howling wind. Instinctively, Erwin's hand went to touch his severed stump.

"Ida," he began sternly. "Most scouts write a letter before they depart for an expedition."

In an instant, her expression was shrouded with sadness. Awakened by the thunderous conviction in his own voice, Erwin closed his eyes, regretting using that tone with her. He didn't want to give her hope. But neither did he want to hurt her.

Not allowing this to beset what he wanted to say, Erwin continued to speak, a tornado of wind accompanying his gentle voice, "I could never write a letter to my parents since they died long ago, and even if I wrote to your mother and you, I'd probably burn it and throw it away before I'd sent it out."

An annoyed groan escaped her. "Erwin—"

"It's good that you have Levi." Erwin cut in. "And that you're not alone anymore."

"I won't need to write any letters," Ida said angrily. "And neither would you."

"I want you to be happy."

Ida scoffed. "Humanity needs you."

"I know."

She snapped her gaze back to him. Ida needed him to know how important this was. "And I need you too, dad."

Behind the anger in her voice, pain dwelled.

Still holding onto her gaze, Erwin reached up. His calloused fingers glided down the frame of her warm cheek. She had inherited her mother's striking beauty, but that stern, determined stare was definitely his.

An aching expression accompanied his bitter smile. "I know that too."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

It was late into the night when she returned to the Survey Corps.

She opened the door quietly to his office. Ida smiled when she saw Levi was seated on his couch; one hand on his head, another still holding on a piece of paper. His eyes were closed, he looked like he was taking a break.

Her heart warmed appreciatively at the sight. After a long day of travels, all Ida wanted to do was to spend what remains of the day with him.

Ida moved through the immaculate office silently. Once she reached the back of the couch, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his frame, embracing him from behind. Levi jolted slightly at the sudden touch. He was so consumed in his own thoughts that he didn't realize there was another presence in the room.

Suddenly all her troubles, although they still existed powerfully in her mind, appeared far away when in the presence of him.

"Long day?" she asked quietly.

Levi touched her arm that was draped around his neck. He straightened up, relieved to see her. "Have you been lazing about again? I didn't see you the entire day."

"Yeah, I can tell that you missed me too, jerk." Ida made a face at the disapproval that was embedded in his tone. "I wasn't lazing about, Erwin asked me out of the headquarters."

"What?" Levi frowned. "Tch. It's a damn nuisance, but I guess it's impossible for someone like him to be handling trivial matters."

"Not that." Ida shook her head, smiling that he thought that Erwin had assigned her work to do. "We just spent the day together while he was out doing whatever Commanders do."

Ida's voice was flat, but the sentence alone meant that something in her had changed drastically.

The slight surprise embroidered on his face, Levi nodded before saying, "You forgave him."

She didn't reply. Ida sat down on the couch. She rested her head on his shoulders, sighing in bliss at his warmth. It had only been a day, but she missed him dearly.

"What?" Ida noticed how he was staring at her dubiously. "You think that I'm incapable of forgiveness?"

Levi snorted rudely. He used the stack of reports in his hands to gently hit her head. "I think that you're a shitty brat who holds onto petty grudges."

She smiled wanly as she dodged his teasing hits. "Hey, I hated you too."

"Yeah, you made that damn clear the day you arrived, brat," he grouched, already glued back to his reports.

She nodded, unabashed. "So, did the kids give you any trouble while I was gone today?"

"Historia visited today."

"Oh," she said, surprised at the royal visit. "I missed her."

"Eren was holding hands with her. Trying to trigger some shitty memories he said. That miserable hand-holding session managed to eat up so much damn time because four eyes insisted on documenting the whole shitty thing in case something did happen."

"Sounds like a fun day," Ida commented quietly while Levi read his reports. "Mikasa wasn't too happy about that, I'm guessing?"

Levi looked up with a raised brow. "What do you mean?"

"She likes Eren, can't you tell?"

"No, why the hell would that concern me?"

"Pfft, it's so obvious." Ida laughed with humor. "Kind of like when everyone knew that we had a thing for each other in the past."

"Tsk. They might be idiots, but they're equally persistent at coming up with stupid things in their hollow heads."

"I kind of like that we are in a secret relationship," Ida said offhandedly. She threw him a sheepish grin and added, "Well, secret-ish."

Levi grunted, and he looked almost amused. "You always liked strange things."

"It's exciting," she admitted with an eager nod to her head. "Sneaking around each other's rooms and leaving before everyone wakes up."

He flipped the report. "You're probably the only one who finds things like that fun."

She smiled at his remark. In her periphery, she watched him diligently read the reports. Levi looked so serious and focused that Ida couldn't help but adore it. A companionable silence settled between them. Even when there were no words exchanged, the silence was peaceful, almost hypnotizing. It somehow acted as a reminder to Ida as to what she had to talk to Levi about.

Seemingly anticipating the train of her apprehensive thoughts, Levi's stern voice swam through the wave of the serene silence.

"Something seems to be bothering you. What's wrong?"

It occurred to Ida that even under the façade of her smile, Levi knew her enough to discern when she was troubled. It showed how close they'd become when, even under the greatest of her bluffs, he could see right through her.

She took in a deep breath.

"Did you know?" She met his eyes, any sign of warmth now replaced with deep sobriety. "About… Erwin? I mean… did he ever tell you about…"

He stared quietly at her when she trailed off. His eyes dimmed of warmness and brimmed with a flood of understanding. It looked as though a thrash of reality had hurdled itself in his face. Levi put his reports down beside him. Suddenly, his gaze found an intense interest at the wall.

"I had my suspicions but I only found out during the coup."

Resolved in maintaining composure, Ida nodded weakly. "I felt a little betrayed when I realized he didn't really have humanity's best interest at heart… It must be the same for you, huh?"

Ida wasn't certain if Levi was aware of the awkwardness she exuded. If he wasn't aware then he was really oblivious and if he knew, he did a good job of hiding it.

"We all carry our own motivations for fighting," Levi replied steadily. "But he isn't the type to prioritize his own interest over humanity, so it hardly matters."

Ida bobbed her head absentmindedly, allowing the silence to shroud them. Her mind mulled over a disturbing thought before she voiced it to Levi, "When… he spoke about the dreams that he had… he looked so conflicted when he questioned his own motivations. Like a broken man with only one wing, weighed down by the corpses of our comrades."

Her tentative smile faded when she finished. Her mind ran in circles, replaying what occurred earlier. As though to lessen her sadness, she sighed and snuggled closer to Levi.

"I wished I forgave him sooner." Ida lamented, leaning forward and laying her chin on his shoulder. She hugged his arm tightly, wanting nothing more than to feel his body heat. "I spent my entire life looking for something to blame for my misery. But now I regret hating him, especially when I knew so little of the circumstances surrounding my parents then. I could've used the time we had… to understand him." She paused. "But now that I do, I thought that he was so pitiful. He looked like he wanted someone to save him from his own dreams. Like he wanted to…"

Ida blinked, never finishing her sentence. It was too much for her. Too much for her to even think about.

Apparently, the topic was too much for Levi to handle as well because a shadow now rested on his features. He wore the same countenance as hers. It was a countenance that spoke of dread.

Before he could catch herself, his fingers rested on either side of her cheeks, the smoothness caressing his own fingertips. Ida could feel his attentive gaze on her and it caused her heart to warm despite the somber conversation.

The silence became her hellish cue.

"What do you think?" she murmured. "You've been with him longer than I have, do you think that… he's beyond salvation?"

More than once, in the course of Ida's words, Levi ran his fingers through her hair with an aching expression on his face.

"Dreams or not, he's a crippled soldier," she said quietly, getting to the main point. "We'll be retaking Wall Maria soon, but I think he shouldn't go to the next expedition. He's too important for us to carelessly risk his life."

The same stream of reasoning was also visible in Levi's reeling mind.

"For once, I agree with you," he finally spoke in a deadpan. "I'll bring it up with him soon, but for now, can we just stop talking about shit like this?"

Levi straightened in his seat when he realized he might have been a bit too unfiltered with his distaste toward the topic. He didn't miss the frown on Ida's face. Clearing his throat, he changed the pace of the conversation.

"I had a long pissin' day, Ida."

She nodded, understanding his reluctance to continue the subject. Ida knew that Levi held the utmost reverence and loyalty for Erwin, much more than anyone else. As if to assure her, Levi slid his hand towards her to rest on the curves of her palm. Ida relaxed into him, as though he'd just lifted an invisible, heavy tension from her shoulders.

Her fingers threaded through his, and she brought it to her lips and she kissed his knuckles.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He raised his brows at her. "For what?"

"This." Ida sighed and closed her eyes. "For just being here with me and standing by my side."

"Shit, Ida; it's just listening to you rant, nothing I haven't done before." The words were thrown offhandedly, but Ida knew better.

"Yeah," she agreed with a smile, "but now… I feel that we're truly in this shit hole together. It's been a long time that I have ever confided in someone so honestly. You're the only one."

She waited for another snarky retort, but none came. Something in him, a guilt of sorts, was present when he heard her say this. Perhaps he felt that he shouldn't have the honor of being the one person she trusted because he didn't seem happy that she chose to tell him and only him.

Before she could further ponder on it, Levi pulled her closer to him and leaned forward. She melted into him quickly, familiar with the way his body moved, the direction his head tilted, the tempo of his kiss.

When he pulled away, he gazed into her eyes with sincerity, "I'll listen to you however many times you wish."

A small, appreciative smile graced her countenance.

And now, at this moment, Ida knew he meant it.

Through hell and back, he'd be with her till the very end.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Year 850, A Few Months Ago.

"Levi, I have a problem."

Still wiping the desk down, Levi grumbled at his appearance. "What are you saying, Erwin? Aren't we constantly facing problems? Shitty Titans out there, idiots brats in here."

Erwin exhaled sharply. "It's in regards to Ida."

The name having caught his attention, Levi placed his cleaning rag down and crossed his arms. "Tsk. What is it then, speak."

"I was thinking of assigning her the job to guard Eren Yeager as well at the Military Tribunal," Erwin explained, taking a seat, "it'll put the Survey Corps in a more favorable position to gain custody of him."

Levi's analyzing stare never left his profile. "And?"

"You know how she's like when it comes to taking orders from me," he shared wearily. "And I don't know how else to convince her."

An irate scoff escaped him. What a fucked-up mess. "That damned brat hates you."

"I swear to you, I'm aware of that Levi," Erwin exhaled at his sarcasm, a worrisome frown on his expression. "You understand her better than me."

"So, you want me to convince her?" Levi grouched, guessing what Erwin intended to ask of him. "Tch. This is a damn nuisance, Erwin. You're her Commander. Wouldn't it have been better to just come straight out with an explanation and be done with it?"

Erwin shook his head. "It's more favorable for me to let her think of me as she wishes."

"For fuck's sake," Levi cursed under his breath. He hurled a death glare at him. "I'll usually say suit your damn self, but this is getting troublesome. That brat is a soldier before anything."

Erwin took a moment to gauge his reasonings. His fingers interlocked together when he leaned forward, his head downcast. A long, audible exhale escaped him.

Upon seeing this rare conflicted state of Erwin's, his expression softened slightly.

Levi's mind swirled with agony. What the hell was eating him up? He wasn't usually like this. His stomach lurched unpleasantly as his concern for him heightened. He tried to provoke a reaction, "Oi Erwin."

"On my way back from Sina today," Erwin started stiffly. "I stopped by Nile Doks' house."

"Don't change the damn subject."

"Just listen, Levi," Erwin said tiredly, meeting his gaze with seriousness. "Marie, his wife just had her second child. I visited them to deliver some gifts." A sad smile spread on his face when Erwin looked at his open palms. "They were so happy, a picturesque of a perfect family, and yet… I couldn't bring myself to feel happy for them."

His voice throbbed with pure angst, and for the first time, Levi realized the internal conflicts that waged within him. When he spoke again, there was remorse in the commander's voice. It was unlike any tone he'd ever heard from him.

"I thought that it was because I envied them, but I realized my unhappiness was not because I had abandoned my chance to have a life like that, it's more so that I felt that I didn't have the right to feel genuinely happy about the birth of a child." He paused and his head dipped further. "Not when I've sent so many children to their deaths."

Erwin's cryptic words were still spinning in his mind when he abruptly got off the chair. He walked towards him and clasped a hand on his shoulder. Levi knew that this gesture was meant to assure him that he was fine. But he couldn't help but notice how his blue eyes were frazzled, distracted.

"Ida is right about everything about me," Erwin coaxed a wry smile. "Despite whatever circumstances surrounding what occurred in the past, I was the one who made the final choice to choose humanity and my dreams over my own family." He paused. "Her hatred was warranted, Levi... I am beyond salvation."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

His departure was done without much fanfare.

After signing the resignation papers, Eren and the rest of the younger recruits were kind enough to see him off. They said their goodbyes and promised that when they returned from the expedition, they'll have a meal together again. It did little to ease his guilt. Before, Seth had deliberately formed a relationship with them with the ulterior motive to get on Ida's good graces.

Bag draped over his shoulders and the younger recruits surrounding him, Seth spotted Ida watching him across the courtyard. She wasn't alone though. Her Captain was right beside her, with the same hateful scowl plastered on his face. He felt his chest constrict when he saw both of them staring at them.

The goodbyes of his friends seemed to fade into the background as Seth's thoughts drifted to the thoughts of what he would leave behind today.

Even now, he could walk up to her and tell her the truth.

To confess that he was lying all this while, that he possessed more information about the Starkes as she had suspected, and that her destiny was already sealed.

Like a tidal wave, Seth was rapidly washed with a terrifying memory. A pang of uneasiness burst through him when he replayed the haughty voice of Jaron Starke when he once suggested setting his sister free from the tower: "Let Elsie go? Fischer, have you ever wondered why twins were so prominent in my family? She was born for me. You don't seriously think that the awakened ones of my family only possess supernatural strength and agility, do you? Ha, we are much more special than that boy."

He straightened himself, squeezing his fists together by his sides. The thought of what awaited him in the future — the results from the retaking of Wall Maria, the truth of the Starkes, the betrayal in Ida's eyes if she ever found out he was keeping secrets from her again — was far from pleasant.

But it was necessary. All of it. She'd understand, one day. This was all done for her.

However many levels of hell he would descend, Seth made a resolution that he would fall from grace willingly. Because salvation, he was certain, lives in the way he loves. It was a road that was discovered by only a few, but one made for all.

He steeled himself and strode towards the carriage awaiting him, a newfound, weighty purpose propelling his footsteps.

He'd be back. Whether Ida knew it or not, only he was truly on her side in this world. One day, he would undoubtedly return to her side. No, Ida will need him back by her side.

Of that, Seth had no doubt.

---

Oh Seth, what are you hiding again? History repeats itself. This won't be the last we see of him, he'll have a part to play in the future! I've been wanting to explore Erwin&Ida relationship for so long, I hope that it's okay!

I apologize if the plot has been so slow-paced lately, but I really wanted to enjoy the peacefulness and the calmness – I won't get the chance again frankly. Readers of the Manga would know how tense & action-heavy the plot would get. I hope that everyone can be patient with me! *bows*

Thank you to all those who reviewed/fav/follow! Your support means the world to me and encourages me to continue!