Chapter 31 - Five Months

When Mac's eyes fluttered open they slowly focused on the stark white walls and the tiny TV in the corner whose volume was turned so low it was almost inaudible. Swallowing made her throat hurt and the odd scent of antiseptic had a nauseating effect.

Her body felt like a Humvee had run it over leaving her for dead, every bone ached and groaned when she tried to move. It was her chest that hurt the most, each breath feeling oddly labored. The oxygen tube at her nostrils helped ease the strain on her lungs but they still felt overworked and tired.

Then there were the cables, the IV tubes which ran to a stand beside her bed, whirling with activity. She tried to focus on the packages, to see what medication was being pumped into her veins but, in the end, it didn't matter.

"Ugh." Mac winced when she tried to move. From experience she knew that extended time spent in a hospital bed meant her body would be stiff and slightly unresponsive.

When Mac went to reach for the bed controls, she found a heavy warmth pinning her hand to the mattress. Her eyes followed the source where she found Harm's palm covering hers. His body was hunched over so that his head rested on the edge of her bed.

Even in sleep, the exhaustion was written on his face, mapped out through every worry line, each crease. Whe Mac squeezed his hand, Harm's head snapped up and those dazzling blue eyes focused on hers. "Hey."

"Hi." Mac whispered.

"Welcome back, Marine." Harm brought her hand to his lips, gently kissing each knuckle and then her palm with such tenderness that it made tiny butterflies flutter in her stomach. "You scared the hell out of me. Don't do that again."

"I promise." With her opposite hand she made a tiny cross over her heart.

"I thought…God, Mac…I thought you were gone."

"What happened?" How she'd wound up in the hospital was a little fuzzy. The memories coming in bits and pieces that she was trying to put together.

"God, Mac. There was so much blood and I couldn't stop it. I tried and tried."

Blood.

The crack of a gunshot deafening her ears and reflexes too slow to stop the pain. Mac's memories backtracked to Manderley, Webb Sadik. A guard had come and she'd eagerly left the room she was trapped in hoping Harm would free them both. As she descended the stairs, she saw Harm on his knees, he was in trouble and although any sane person would have run from the shouting and gunshots - Mac ran towards them.

Something slammed into her chest like a searing sledgehammer that immediately stole her breath. It hurt like hell, burned something awful and the hand that came over her heart confirmed what Mac assumed - she'd been shot.

The wound was bad enough to weaken her in seconds, sending Mac's body tumbling down the rest of the stairs until she lay like a heap on the ground. She was sure her life had been taken and God was only granting her a little time to say goodbye.

Here she was alive and mostly well. She survived but, did her captor? "Webb?"

"Dead. Drove a knife into his chest. He bled out."

She frowned. "Sadik?"

"Also dead. Chegwidden shot him while trying to escape. They're both gone, Mac. It's over." His hand squeezed hers and he saw a sad smile spread on her lips. "What is it?"

She shrugged. "Kinda feel defeated, I guess. None of that should have happened. We messed up, you could have been killed."

"I'm still here. I'm alive."

"We both are."

"Yeah we are and it feels like a miracle."

The warmth of his hand over hers filled Mac with a sense of peace. This would be the first time in almost two years that nothing was weighing them down and no one was in the way. "You and me, no more hiding."

"Nope."

"I think I'm going to enjoy that." A shadow at the door made her voice trail off. Through the small opening a tall man wearing a dark suit could peer in. His hardened expression made her weary and the peace she previously felt rushed out of her. Something was wrong.

Mac pulled her hand out of his grasp, her fingers then feeling around for an object she could use as a weapon but finding none. "Harm."

"It's okay." Harm turned to look behind him, his jaw clenching when the man at the door tapped his watch. "It's for me." He waved the man off and faced her. "Will, he's dead."

The comment came from out of the blue and as she watched the man glare at them and then disappear, Mac realized why they were there. "And you killed him."

"I shot him, yeah. He was in the way. Wouldn't let me find you." His reasons sounded ludacris now but, back in Webb's apartment, Kitcher had been almost manic. "I don't regret it. He wasn't a saint. He's as crooked as Webb I just have to prove that."

"Where they taking you?"

He honestly didn't know. Details weren't afforded and it was only due to Kerhsaw's intervention that Harm was given time to visit with Mac. Now that she was on the mend, his sentence would begin but, where and how was still a mystery. "I don't know. I suspect London but it's probably not that easy."

"London? But that's-" If her head didn't hurt so much Mac could rattle off exactly how many miles and how many hours away that was. All she knew is that it was on the other side of the World and they were being torn apart again. "How long?"

"I don't know. MI6 wants answers and they don't like the ones that Kershaw gave."

There was another shadow at the door but this time the man stepped inside. He was older, well dressed, with an earpiece that disappeared beneath his collar. She saw the weapon at his hip and by the way he stood, Mac could tell the man was former military. "Yes?"

"Colonel, excuse me ma'am but, Mr. Rabb needs to come with us."

"Can you give us a little while longer?"

The officer glanced at his watch. "I shouldn't but, I'll give you five minutes. Just make 'em count." He stepped out a moment later but stood outside the door he left ajar.

Mac watched him stand and search through his pockets for a small bag with a drawstring. From inside dropped a round, metal circle onto the palm of his hand. She noticed the object immediately, it was the ring Harm made for her back on the houseboat.

His simple, 'handmade' engagement ring that meant more to her than any diamond ever would. "When I asked you to marry me, I meant it." Harm clarified while slipping his ring back on her finger. "I love you, Mac."

"Feels nice to hear you say it. I thought you never would and I figured your actions were good enough. I could have lived with that."

But, he couldn't and not sharing his feelings was eating Harm up inside. "I've been in love with you longer than you can imagine. I'm just a little slow sometimes." He grinned. "Just wait for me. I know that isn't fair but, wait."

Mac sat up a little straighter and pulled him closer. "I'm not going anywhere, flyboy. Just be careful."

"I will." His lips brushed hers and damn did he wish their kiss could have lingered. "Sleep, Mac. The doctor says you'll have some recovery ahead."

Her eyes were already closing as he pulled away from her. "Bet I look like shit right now, don't I?"

"You're beautiful, Sarah." She was still pale although the color had returned somewhat. He was anxious to see her without the myriad of cables strung across her body and breathing without the tiny tube of oxygen beneath her nostrils.

Soon, he hoped. But it likely wouldn't be soon enough.

Five Months Later

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, VA

"No deal." Mac sat at her desk and looked up at Sturgis who had that infamous, exasperated expression. She knew his client was guilty as sin, he did too if not the former bubblehead would not be so quick to avoid a courtroom. "And before you 'C'mon Mac' me, remember there's camera footage. One year confinement and he's out on his ass. A man like that has no business serving in the Corps."

Sturgis sighed. "He wants to take his licks and stay, says he was wrong. Mac, Lance Corporal McCleary is young and made a mistake. He has a promising future."

"No deal. I don't know what it is about that kid but, I don't have a good feeling. I'm following my gut on this one, Commander." She had already reduced the sentence from two years and wouldn't budge. McCleary had taken classified documents and claimed it was a mistake, that one of his workmates had put him up to it. "I'll crush you in court, Sturgis and you know it. Take the deal."

"Fine. One year and he's out of the Corps." Giving in was the sensible thing to do. Mac would obliterate him in court given the intensity with which she fought every case since her return. The Colonel had always been a force to reckon with but, of late, she was relentless and a little terrifying. Sturgis knew the reason resided 3,000 miles away.

Throwing herself into cases limited the time she'd obsess about Harm. It quieted the ugly voices that designed a future without him. Even if she couldn't rush across the World to save him, Mac could make sure her part of the World was cleansed of the scum that tried to ruin it.

The dark circles under her eyes and the shadow which fell across her face made Sturgis consider a "welfare check." He came around and lowered himself into a chair, the creaking sound of the wooden frame snapped Mac out of whatever dark thoughts she entertained. "I don't want you chewing my head off for asking - how are you? And don't say 'fine.'"

Mac gave him a knowing glare that softened at his genuinely concerned expression. "Okay, I'm not 'fine.' I'm… numb." She sighed. "I'm depressed. I'm lonely and I miss the hell out of him. I never knew I could miss anyone this much."

"How long?"

She consulted her internal clock, a major source for her foul moods since awakening in the hospital and finding him gone. For a moment, Mac thought the men in suits were a dream or nightmare, even a figment of her imagination. "Two months, one week, six hours, twenty four minutes and-"

He waved her off. "The Admiral says he's alive."

"But, I haven't heard from him. At first I was afforded a quick call twice a week and now it's nothing, not even a letter. I'm scared that they'll never let him go and I can't do a damned thing about it."

Sturgis wondered, and not for the first time, if he should have imparted her little secret to Harm. They loved one another then, he knew but for all of his poking and prodding, the two stubborn friends never crossed that line until things were a little out of control. "I probably should have broken my promise to you. Maybe Paraguay would have never happened."

"I have a decade of regret when it comes to us, don't add to the pile, huh?" She snorted and then pushed away from her desk. "You've been a good friend, I appreciate you."

"As a good friend that I am, come to dinner with me and Varese. Nothing fancy. She wants to try out that Thai place downtown." He saw the shadow fall across her face again and the excuse that was surely coming after it. "Don't say no. It'll be good for you to get out."

There was nothing for her to do in an empty apartment other than to stew and think and worry. Mac knew Harm would want her to have a life. "What if he finds someone else over there? It happened to his dad."

Sturgis stood. "Harm isn't his father. Have you been thinking of moving on?"

Had she? "Yes and I know I wouldn't be able to."

"Keep the faith, Colonel."

Sturgis stepped out of Mac's office and made a beeline to Chegwidden. The JAG was unoccupied for once and after a few quick minutes in the anteroom, the Commander stood before his CO. "I know this is about Colonel MacKenzie. She's been a bit more…intense than usual."

"She has and Mac refuses to spend any time with any of us outside of the office."

Chegwidden frowned. He'd been monitoring her progress with a magnifying glass from the physical therapy to get Mac's body back to normal and also the psychologist he ordered her to visit. The return to her post had been seamless but he knew she'd never be the same.

Work kept her occupied and not happy. The woman rarely smiled or laughed or joked anymore. Her concern for Harm meant regular updates that Chegwidden more or less lied through. The truth was that Harm had gone missing weeks ago and thought to have escaped.

Although AJ didn't bekieve his former officer would be that stupid, he didn't know the conditions that MI6 kept him in. "This is meant to be kept in confidence, Sturgis."

"Please don't tell me he's dead."

"Harm's missing and no one knows where he is." He tossed his reading glasses on the desk and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I had hoped this would wrap up quickly. I didn't expect this."

"She'll be devastated."

Chegwidden nodded slowly. "Keep it under wraps for now, Commander and that's an order."

"Aye, sir."

Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment

Georgetown

Sturgis and Varese insisted on seeing her up which wasn't exactly a bad thing. They sat at her dining table playing cards and drinking coffee until the wee hours of the night. It was a distraction that Mac needed but didn't know how to find.

She laughed over the pair's blunders on their first dates including Sturgis mistakenly buying flowers Varese was so allergic to they wound up in the emergency room. Mac was happy for the couple and content that Sturgis had found a woman less complicated than Bobbi Latham.

It was almost midnight where the pair left and Mac found herself feeling generally good. She showered, slipped into comfy PJs and dropped into the chaise of her new sofa with a contented sigh. All of the furniture was new and so was the paint on the walls. When she was cleared for physical activity, Mac put her efforts into changing her apartment in the hopes of erasing the bad memories.

A small fortune was sunk into making her home cozy again and even the pale peach on her walls were now covered with a light gray with white trim. New paintings were hung and pictures of her and Harm adorned the mantle. The holidays had come and gone but she didn't dare put away the tree whose lights currently illuminated the living area.

All that was missing was Harm.

Her own contacts in the CIA had kept a pulse on his situation. He'd been incarcerated in England for two months and offered release if he would aid in finding Sadik's second in command. Harm agreed and that's when the breakdown in communication began.

She knew he was missing but then when and where was classified information Mac didn't have the authority to review. Her expertise as an analyst used random chatter to find a location in the middle east but the trail ran cold and she was back to square one.

Mac knew Harm was alive or had been. The evidence came in the form of a broken message on her answering machine. She wouldn't play it tonight and refused to sink herself further into depression.

Harm was coming home - he had to.