Humanity's Strongest Woman

by xDollfie

In every empire, there is an epic era that defies the boundaries of time and immortalized itself in the history books. For mankind, an epic era they will never forget has finally emerged. The war between humanity and Titans has finally come to a head. Love cease to exist in a time like this, but they found it, and promised that it'll be worth it. Every stubborn inch of it [LEVIXOC]

45. Welcome Home

Happy new year! Early chapter because I got too excited and motivated due to the release of the Season 4: Declaration of war episode! Best episode EVER! Studio MAPPA did such an amazing job! Thank you for the feedback in the previous chapter.

Trigger warnings: Graphic description of grief.

Thank you Aniket and blackbutler415 for giving me your opinion!

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Humanity's Strongest Woman by xDollfie

Chapter 41 — Welcome Home

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Dragging her prisoner by her shirt, Ida's mind was completely blank and one way. Her adrenaline wore off and she began to feel the drawbacks of her injuries. Blood that didn't belong to her seeped from her clenched fists.

As treacherous steam flowed from the amputated limbs of her prisoner and clouded her vision, Ida's breathing turned haggard. Her mind churned for a semblance of comprehension of all that had happened.

"My name is Odina Fritz."

Her ancestor's words haunted Ida's psyche.

Fritz.

The real name of the Royal Family.

Ymir.

The name of the first Titan that her family created.

Odina.

The name of her ancestor; the devil on earth that created the power of Titans.

Will of Odina…?

Ida's heart skipped a beat in stunned realization. The ability to learn the truth of the world… was named after the same person who created the Titans?

What did that mean, exactly? That it was by Odina's will—her desire, that the Starkes were able to learn the truth of the world? Then, did Odina create this ability too? Was it Odina's intention for this power to be possessed in her descendants? But why would Odina do that? And was she responsible for the Starke's and Ackerman's ability of the awakening as well?

How does it all connect?

A playful giggle from behind pulled her out of her contemplation.

"Hey, are you listening?" came Ivy's jovial voice. It made Ida wonder how she had so much strength to keep talking. She didn't even make a sound when she removed her limbs earlier. "Don't be shy! We have so much to talk about, sister!"

Sister.

The word ricocheted off the dark abyss Ida was currently drowning in.

Ida clenched her teeth, ignoring Ivy. Her heart grew heavy as she envisioned her mother's face. Gods, how the hell would Erwin react to this? There was no way he would've kept silent all these years if he knew about it.

"Oh, sister," Ivy cooed tauntingly again. "Are you mad at me? Believe me, I'd give you a hug, but I have no hands now! Hahaha!"

Her taunts began to aggravate her patience. Ida whipped around, incredulous. The next thing Ida knew, she was forcing Ivy's to tilt back and positioning her blade was against her cheek.

"Oh come on!" Ivy whined. "I still want to talk to—"

In a single swift movement, Ida severed the muscles on her mouth. Blood spurted on her hands.

To her credit, Ivy didn't let out a single yelp of pain. But her eyes were elevated upwards to stare at her. It disturbed Ida to see the combination of Ivy's detached jaw and the maniacal pleasure in her green eyes.

Grimacing at Ivy's penchant for sadism, Ida turned and started dragging her silenced sister again. It was obvious that Ivy was using all her powers and remaining strength to prioritize not the healing of her limbs, but of her mouth instead.

That'll shut the lunatic up for a while...

For now, she had to focus on thinking.

Ida plunged the sole of her boots into the cracked pavement. Her legs felt weak, begging her to stop. But there was no time to waste. Thunderous sounds boomed over the horizon. Ida looked up to see the Colossal Titan falling.

She frowned. Does this mean that her squad had succeeded? Were they alive? Ida couldn't be sure. The Armored Titan and Eren were nowhere to be seen, and neither could she hear the booms of the Thunder Spears to discern their positions.

The battlefield was eerily quiet now. Too quiet. As if there wasn't a vicious battle happening in the city minutes ago. Tense lines outlined Ida's face. She had to regroup with her squad quickly, but she was low on gas. It was wiser to conserve what remains for an emergency.

Keep walking...

As Ida walked past a row of dilapidated buildings, the reality she was avoiding walked with her, literally and figuratively. She concentrated on biting her bottom lip, fighting the aggravating urge to scream. Her lungs gasped for a deep breath when the inevitable truth caught up to her.

The enemy she was holding was her twin sister. The same enemy who devoured her—no… their mother.

Her teeth sank deeper into her lip. Irony. Nothing but bitter irony coursed through Ida. Why was it that everything was powered by the loops of irony in her miserable life?

There was no escaping this truth; the resemblance was too uncanny and everything made sense. Jaron knew that Wall Maria would fall. However that bastard did it, he had ties with the enemies beyond the Walls. Jaron was a betrayer to humanity and an ally to the homeland that Bertholdt and Reiner spoke of.

Then, did Elsie know about Ivy?

Ida hastily dismissed that question. Impossible. Twins were prominent in the Starke bloodline, but it wasn't guaranteed. From what she remembered, her grandfather didn't have a twin. More likely, Elsie never knew she had twin daughters.

Elsie never knew because the bastard Jaron did something to her twin when they were born: he handed one of them to the enemy. Ida pondered over Jaron's reasonings. However crazy that bastard was, what was it that drove him to give his own flesh and blood to the enemy? What caused him to orchestrate Wall Maria's fall with them?

Her mind swirled when Ida realized she had arrived at yet another glaring question mark. It was another terrible secret she uncovered, but she was still nowhere close to the truth.

"I've always wanted to meet you!" Ivy's voice peeled Ida away from her thoughts. "I got to admit, I was pretty pissed you slashed me out my Titan! We could've fought more! Nothing says sisterly love than a fight to the death!"

Ida groaned inwardly. Great, her mouth had regenerated already.

"You know when I ate our mother, she thought I was you! Hahaha! I can see why!"

Her feet halted.

Ida froze as the memory with Elsie, pertaining to her ultimate sacrifice, poured into her mind. She forcibly held onto her composure by it's trembling tail as she listened to Elsie's final moments from her killer.

Ivy laughed, probably elated she had finally gotten her attention, "Ohhh, her face was hilarious! She didn't even know who I was! Hahaha! I laughed for a good hour after that!"

Ida fumed. Her conscience was shrieking for her to do something, but the pull to remain stoic was too strong. Ivy knew exactly how to taunt her, how to provoke her, and for whatever reason it was, she even seemed to enjoy it.

"Sister! Are you listening?!" Ivy mocked in between her hysterical laughter. "I tore her limb from limb, and she was crying in pain—"

Her anger erupted in her like a volcano. Not wanting to listen anymore, Ida sliced through Ivy's mouth with her blade again. She panted as she glared at Ivy. Ida was grabbing so hard on her handgrips that her knuckles whitened, and she was sure from the elated insanity in her sister's eyes that her face was ashen as well.

Exercising her jaw, Ida forcibly shook off the irresistible need for vengeance. Now was not the time.

"Tsk, great," Ida huffed, taking out a handkerchief from her pocket, "another deranged Starke, just what humanity needed..."

Her sister's shoulders shook when she tied the handkerchief around her head. Ida scowled when she realized she was laughing.

"Bitch," she spat, securing the blindfold with a tight knot. "When I'm done with you, let's see if you'll fucking laugh."

For now, Ivy was living on borrowed time.

She glanced back at Ivy, hating even to bother with her. It wasn't Ida's mercy that spared her. Ivy was a Starke. Her twin. Though Ida doubted interrogation would work on an obviously insane individual like her, the Survey Corps had to try. They still knew so little about her family. Her lust for revenge took a backseat to her duty.

Ida's free hand moved down to her abdomen.

No pain whatsoever...

Her shoulders relaxed and Ida sighed. It had been niggling her ever since she exerted her body. But with no actual way to find out, she could only pray her baby was doing well.

Heart heavy in her chest, Ida carried on, dragging her captive sister along.

Keep walking, if I look back, I am lost.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

His lungs were struggling for air, yet Levi paid no attention to it. Steaming hot blood — marks of his victory against the Titans the bastard had set out on him — hung onto every crevice of him. On his uniform. On his arms. On his face. But Levi didn't care. His thumping heart hammered brutally against his chest, edging him on.

Erwin's voice rang out in his head. Kill the Beast Titan.

Kill…

Kill…

Kill…

The words kept ringing even when his boots finally landed on top of Wall Maria; landing so hard his tired bones rattled. His world blurred momentarily, but Levi forcibly focused his vision. His eagle-like glare narrowed on his prey on top of the Cart Titan. The bearded asshole was staring at him with fear.

Good. He should fucking fear him. Because he will kill him.

Levi's fingers clenched around his hand grips. Eren stood in front of the Cart Titan, using Bertholdt as a hostage. His squad was nowhere in sight, nor was the person he wanted to see the most.

Erwin's voice cut through the one-way darkness of his mind again. I leave her to you. Protect Ida.

The world streaked by in a blur and Levi was only a motion when the name slowly became a mantra of fear and worry, suddenly spearing through him and mixing with his rage.

Where is she?

She has to be alive…

Protect Ida…

The words meshed together as he descended down Wall Maria. Levi knew he barely could even stand upright, but despite the exhaustion chasing up to him, he continued to fight it, he continued to heed Erwin's command.

Kill…

Protect…

Kill…

Protect...

The voices kept ringing. Erwin's voice, he knew. It commanded his body to move and invigorated his soul. The Commander's voice was like a singular spark; churning until it turned to rage. His wrath was like a fiery inferno now, purging his fatigue, pumping hot blood through his veins, and flaming his bloodlust.

The visions followed him to Shiganshina; a myriad of shadows, haunting and reaching out for him. Erwin's face. His young subordinates. The bloodied fields that were now a cemetery of his fallen comrades.

The Beast Titan took off with the Cart Titan like a cowering dog at the sight of him approaching.

"Captain!" Eren cried, visibly relieved at the sight of him.

With a click of a button, Levi hastily discarded his worn-down blades. "That was the last of my gas! I'll chase after him, so hand over your gas and blades!"

Eren hastily adhered to his urgent instruction. "R – Right!"

"Hurry!" Levi shouted. "And where's Ida?!"

"Ida went to take down the Red-Haired Titan! I haven't seen her sin—"

Eren suddenly froze when soft wheezing came from behind him. With exaggerated slowness, he turned behind him. Levi's face grew thunderous when saw what he was looking at.

The small body was charred to a point that was almost unrecognizable, but soft pained wheezing came from it. Yet to depart to the other shitty world, but undoubtedly on the brink of death. Levi frowned, his stare darting to the unconscious Bertholdt next to Eren.

The serum.

Dread engulfed Levi at that thought. The sacred item that could bring Erwin back suddenly weighed heavier in his pocket. The tiny hope was still flickering at the back of his mind.

It was the fear and horror in Eren's eyes that told him who the body belonged to.

Armin Arlert.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Ida's shoulder stiffened when she heard the familiar sounds of gears. Her gaze migrated upwards to where it came from. Across the worn-down buildings, Mikasa emerged to the sky. Her heart raced in nervous anticipation.

There!

Grabbing hold of Ivy with one arm, Ida secured her in a tight armlock. She shot her grapple and launched them towards the area that Mikasa emerged from.

Relief washed over Ida when she spotted Connie on the roof. "Connie!"

Connie spun around at her call. "Ida!"

She landed on the ground right as Jean simultaneously ran up to her, no doubt relieved that she had survived. Ida couldn't stop herself from smiling, she felt as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

"Sasha?!" Ida asked with urgency. "Eren and Armin?!"

"Sasha's injured but she's okay! Mikasa went to look for Captain and the rest!" Jean cast his gaze to the person she was carrying. "Is... that the Red-Haired Titan…?"

Ida grimaced. "Yes, but forget about that for now, what about Erwin and the—"

She cut herself off. Her heart skipped a beat. Ida had been too focused on Jean and Connie that she hadn't even realized that someone else was with them. She turned slowly, afraid her eyes were deceiving her. Steadily, her heart revved to life and jumped in shock.

Was she dreaming?

Tears manifested in her green eyes.

Was this a ghost she was seeing?

As though to answer her question, Hanji smiled softly after giving her a once-over. A thick bandage wrapped around her left eye, but Ida was certain it was her. Ivy landed with a loud thud when Ida suddenly released her hold on her. Her body moved instinctually. She needed to confirm it herself. Within a split second, Ida rushed to Hanji and tackled her into a tight hug.

"Whoa!" Hanji stumbled, not expecting the abrupt embrace.

She's alive, Ida realized in shock, gasping. Oh God, she's really alive!

Assured that Hanji was there in the flesh, Ida broke the hug and grabbed her biceps. "Damn it! I thought you were dead, you shitty four-eyes! How did you—"

She must've gotten too excited, because suddenly all of her pent up fatigue emerged, rapidly draining her reserved strength. Ida wavered to keep her balance as an impending migraine ensued in her head.

"Ida!" she heard Hanji scream, catching her before she fell to the ground. She felt her shake her, urging her to stay awake. "Hey! Stay with me!"

"Don't worry, I'm okay," Ida said softly, trying hard to regain her footing. Her mind was swirling. "I can… I can walk."

Her single eye assessed her face and Hanji tightened her hold on her. "You're pale. We need to get you to safety."

Ida moved out of her arms and massaged the sides of her head. "Don't worry… I'm okay, just a little tired. I can maneuver still."

"Don't be stubborn—"

Ida interrupted her with a thankful smile. "I thought you died, how did you…?"

The grave rigor in Hanji's face eased slightly, but it was quickly replaced by sadness. "Mobilt saved me."

The statement was delivered in a careful tone. It was subtle, but the guilt was so profound in her baritones. That was when Ida knew: Mobilt had sacrificed himself to protect her.

Her heart twisted her chest. Ida could almost feel the deep-rooted agony that Hanji was holding within her. But the firmness in her single hazel right eye said it all: there was no time to waste, no time to grieve, no time to commiserate even.

"Are you sure you are okay?"

Ida realized that Hanji's stare was resting on her abdomen. "Okay…" she murmured. "I think…?"

She nodded. "I'll check your vitals later. But we should get you checked by a doctor the moment we reach the walls. We'll regroup with Levi soon. Don't worry, I'm sure he's alive."

Ida's stomach wrenched. It wasn't how Hanji said the last statement, more so or why she said it. There was an undertone to it that Ida didn't miss. Maybe it was Hanji's way of reminding her she had yet to tell Levi anything. Her heart swelled and exploded at her reminder. She hadn't thought about this yet, but what would she do if Levi was dead?

Oblivious to her turmoil, Hanji craned her neck and looked past her shoulders. "That hair color…"

The anticipated misery permeated her at the reminder. Ida had nearly forgotten about that. Grabbing Ivy by the cuff of her shirt, Ida threw her sister next to the steaming body without limbs. Ivy's body crashed to the wall and slid down next to Reiner without so much as a sound from her.

"Another well-kept secret of my fucking family," Ida said, dusting her hands. "The Red-Haired Titan is a Starke."

Jean frowned. "Huh?"

Ida didn't reply but walked to Ivy. She pulled on the knot and the blindfold dropped to the ground. Successive gasps erupted from Hanji and Jean behind her. She grimaced. Thank the Titans, the lunatic had finally fallen unconscious. That's one good thing at least.

With exaggerated slowness, Ida faced them, expression hard. She gave them a moment to process as Hanji and Jean bounced their eyes back and forth from Ivy and her, mouths wide in disbelief.

Jean turned ashen and backed away. "What…?"

"My twin," Ida confirmed their unsaid question, the damning statement piercing through her chest. "I think we should take her back to the Walls for interrogation, I can keep cutting her limbs so that she won't transform."

Hanji opened and closed her mouth, obviously having a hard time coming to terms with the revelation. Not that Ida could blame her, she could hardly believe in the verity of the situation herself.

"Your twin...?" Hanji finally muttered, slapping a hand on her forehead. "But if she's your twin then she would be born behind the Walls, then why…?"

"I don't know either. And why haven't you killed the Armoured Titan?"

She didn't miss how Hanji threw a fleeting glance at Jean. "Ah, yes, that. We're waiting on Mikasa to check out the situation on the other side and to retrieve the injection from Levi. I told her to send a signal to kill him if she's unable to do so—"

They were interrupted by a hysterical burst of laughter from one of their captives.

"Hahaha!"

"Fuck," Ida cursed, grumbling a string of expletives. "Damn it, and here I thought we could have some peace."

Jean appeared confused. "What do you mean?"

She gestured her chin to her sister. "The bitch is focusing all her powers to regenerate her mouth."

"Oh no!" Ivy cried, unable to contain her laughter when she saw who was beside her. "Armored, you're here too?!" She wiggled her amputated limbs. "Hahaha! Look at both of us! How pathetic! We're like sitting steaming chickens! Hahaha!"

A frown marred Ida's features. By the Walls, what wouldn't she give to kill her right now? Ida could only thank the Gods Reiner didn't reply to her.

Ivy gasped in delight when she saw the new company present. Euphoria embedded in the edges of her twisted expression. "Sister!" she called excitedly. "Are these your friends?!"

Ida used her disgusted expression to lament her insanity when Ivy fell face forward from her movements. Even in the absence of limbs, she attempted to crawl slowly to them, pushing against the dirt like a caterpillar.

"Hello! I'm Ivy!" she chirped. "It's nice to meet you! I'm Ida's twin sister!"

Hanji furrowed her brows. "Well… she's…"

"Crazy?" Ida folded her arms. "Tsk. Get used to it, it runs in my demented family."

Ida was just about to step forward to silence Ivy again when a red flare pierced through the air of Shiganshina. She stared at the signal representing Reiner's imminent death. Against the backdrop of her sister's laughter waltzing into the air like a dreadful plague, Ida's eyes blossomed when a horrifying thought struck her.

Red signal.

Something had happened on the other side. What happened? Was Erwin safe? If Mikasa is unable to bring back the injection, then does this mean something had happened to Levi?

Ida felt her dread return tenfold as the concerns increased in mass in her head. No, impossible. Nothing could happen to him. It wasn't like Ida could immerse herself in her worries though because suddenly the ground trembled beneath her.

"Huh—"

Jean's piercing cry sliced the tension in half. "Hanji! Ida!"

The thunderous footsteps of a giant rumbled the dirt beneath her boot. Ida whirled around and froze. Out from the alley of two houses came The Cart Titan, charging at full speed towards them, jaws wide open for the kill.

An attack?!

Then, everything played in slow motion. Jean launched himself towards Hanji, grabbing her out of the way with brute force. Simultaneously, Ida shot her grapple and propelled herself out of the way in the nick of time.

The wide jaws snapped together just a hairline away from her. Ida crashed into the ground, rolling to spread out the impact of her landing. "Argh!"

Blinking the dust away from her eyes, Ida looked upwards with her marred vision. Her breathing hitched. The Cart Titan was standing a few feet from her; a blonde man atop its back. Her palms grew sweaty when Ida saw the Titan marks underneath his eyes.

The Beast Titan…

She snapped her teeth in anger, already mentally formulating an attack. But the blood pumping through her veins stuttered to a shocking halt when she realized something else.

No…

Body clamped between the Titan's jaw, Ivy lifted her head and grinned. "Don't worry, sister! I'll come back for you! We need you!"

Fuck! The mental curse jolted her heart. No, she can't—

Before Ida could get to her feet, the Cart Titan took off.

"Hanji-san!" Connie shouted from above the roof, panic clouding his voice. "They took the two of them!"

"Wait! Connie! Don't—"

"No! I'll go after them!" Ida brandished her blades, already starting her run. "Stay here—"

Hanji grabbed onto her arm before she could propel away. "Stop! We don't have much gas now! You'll get killed by them!"

"I have some left! The three of them can't transform! If I kill the Cart Titan, there's nothing else they can do—"

"Think about the child inside of you," Hanji interrupted sternly, the octave of her voice dropping so that her statement was privy only for her ears. "We don't know what abilities the Cart Titan has. Don't, Ida. We have no choice. Stand down."

Ida jerked at the mention of the life growing within her. She swallowed tightly. Her throat felt as if it had been split open. Desolation swept her mind as her full rationality recovered and the red haze that clouded her vision dissipated.

Mindlessly, her hand rested on her belly.

"Damn it!" Jean punched the ground in anger. "It's all my fault… I just… did something unforgivable…"

"I told you it's my decision," Hanji gestured to Jean with her chin, signaling Connie to assist him off the floor. "We'll go to where Mikasa is." She looked back at her. "Ida? You okay?"

Ida only stared blankly on the ground, she had heard her but she didn't know what to reply. Was it really okay to just let them go? They'd risked so much to capture them. She had risked so much to capture Ivy.

So close. Fuck. They were always so fucking close. Just one step away. But what other way was there now?

She hissed and racked her fingers through her disheveled red hair.

"Ida?"

"I'm fine," she said forcibly. "You're right, we should leave."

Ida stubbornly shrugged off the accumulated concerns. With four Titan Shifters on the loose now, it simply wasn't safe. There was no other choice, she wouldn't risk her child. Content with her compliance, Hanji instructed Connie to carry Sasha. Meanwhile, Ida narrowed her eyes and took the opportunity to assess her surroundings.

Empty. Still. Silent.

Her sister was truly gone.

Unable to contain her emotions, Ida slammed a fist on the wall beside her. "Shit…"

Questions that will never be answered by anyone but Ivy ran through Ida's mind at a relentless rate. Why was Ivy working with the enemy? How did she survive all this while? Why was she attacking humanity? What did Ivy know about the Starkes?

And finally, the most important question of all: what did Ivy mean by they needed her?

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Screams.

Someone was screaming.

"Mikasa! You have to know how much we need Erwin!"

Though they were right beside her, Hanji's desperate shouts sounded a far way off, echoing and thundering. Then silence. Nothing but a blank foreboding silence saturated Ida's world and engulfed her entire being.

The world stood still as Ida froze there, the seconds distending to eternities. Other than the silent screams of anguish bellowing within her, nothing was discernible to her ears.

What…

What was happening?

It was an outwardly experience that Ida could never properly describe. She couldn't think, she could hardly breathe, and she could hardly even keep herself standing.

Suddenly, a sharp incoherent buzz hummed in her ears. Her world tilted as every deadly emotion she harbored chased after each other in her veins. Dread, it seemed, was the more prominent one. Ida felt as though someone had pushed her soul out of her body. She had no semblance of what was happening around her, nor what was going on in her body.

She was a machine, focused on just one thing, and one thing only:

Erwin. Erwin. Erwin.

Is that...

"Erwin…?"

As though his name was the trigger, as soon as it left Ida's lips, her body moved on its own.

"Erwin!" Ida rushed and knelt beside him. Her outstretched fingers trembled as her wide eyes took in his insipid face and trailed down to the thick bandage on his torso. "Oh God… Oh God…"

Hesitantly, Ida touched the soiled bandage.

Wet. Warm. Red.

Blood…?

"Ah… ah…" Ida hyperventilated, unable to process what was happening. Her eyes were unblinking and blank as her extremities went cold. Her gaze shifted from her father's blood on her hands to Erwin's deadly pale face.

"Ah…"

No…

"Erwin!" Ida grabbed onto his shoulders and urged him to wake up, but Erwin didn't move. "Erwin?!"

He isn't moving. Oh, God… Erwin isn't moving—

Her vision blurred with sudden tears as Ida clawed on her face and screamed. Erwin was dying. He was truly dying this time. He was fading right before her eyes, and she was helpless to help him. Ida ran the tragic scenario in her mind, the control she held already withering under the fire of despair burning within her.

No, no, no….

She would've given anything to trade places with him; do anything to see him welcome her back.

He couldn't die. Ida couldn't even imagine a world without him. Erwin had to hold on. He had to return home with her. She'd be lost if he left her alone.

"Medic!—where's the—"

Something grabbed onto her, forcibly tearing her away from Erwin's side and back on her feet.

"Ah… medic… where is the..." Ida wheezed, delirious. As she stumbled to find the strength in her legs, her eyes never left her dying father. The sight of blood leaking from his stomach instilled another level of fear into her. "God no... oh my God…"

She was ready to keel over when the force on her bicep tightened.

"Ida!"

The sudden force of the familiar voice caused her to jump. The dark spiral she felt herself being dragged into was lifted when she realized Levi was in front of her, a darkened expression on his face.

"Levi…?"

Another set of tears threatened to rise up through her. Ida heaved heavily, trying to breathe, but her lungs were failing her.

Levi's gray eyes were stern. "Listen to me. You have to leave here."

Leave? But how could she leave when—

Oxygen lodged in her chest when Ida took inventory of what was in Levi's other hand: an injection. Then, awareness started to return to her. Her stomach twisted when she comprehended what Levi was going to do.

Inhaling a shuddering breath, Ida finally found the strength to assess the other bodies lying on top of the roof.

An unconscious Bertholdt….

And…

Her heart skipped a deadly beat.

Armin…?

The incoherent buzz in her ears returned, mixing with the distant soft cries of her squad. Floch was holding onto Eren who was grasping for Levi on the floor, screaming something to him with tears in his eyes, she could barely make out what he was saying. Something about dreams it seemed, but… why was Eren talking about this now?

What was happening…?

"Ida," Levi's rough voice flowed into her membrane. Like the strong grip on her arm that stabilized her, his voice had the ability to rip her away from her dark cyclone. "Hey."

His fingers, still stained with Titan blood, released her arm and went for her cheek. Gentle his touch was, but it left bloodstain marks on her face.

Her mouth opened and closed, but no words came out.

"Listen to me," Levi tried again, his voice gentle. He wiped away her tears. "We can't waste anymore time, you have to leave. I'll make everything right."

Her eyelids finally listened to her. Ida blinked. Tears cascaded down her cheek. "Levi… what… what is going on?"

"You have to go." Levi was a personification of calm amongst all the chaos that was happening simultaneously around them. "I'll bring Erwin back."

"The rest of the legion…"

"Dead," Levi said gravely, his expression so dark it had no semblance of warmth. "No one survived the suicide charge."

Suicide? Then, did Erwin willingly go to his grave? Why? For the good of humanity? Righteous bastard. Is that why he was lying there half-dead right now? But what about her then? Did Erwin even consider her? Didn't she make it clear enough to him that she wanted him to survive no matter what? That she would never allow him to die?

Ida barely processed the information in her disjointed and congested mind.

"We have no choice but to sacrifice Armin," Levi said without a moment's hesitation. "We're running out of time, you need to leave now."

Levi placed a hand on her back and guided her to the side. She mindlessly followed him, too weak to fight him off. Then, she caught sight of the burnt small body again.

Armin Arlert...

Slowly, it hit Ida that she was watching a tragedy unfolding in front of her. There was no happy ending here. There was only one injection. One Titan Shifter. Armin or Erwin. Only one could live. Only one could be granted a second chance. Besieged with horror, she mindlessly tripped in her steps, face paling.

Oh...

She would have to lose one of them.

Unfathomable pain ripped through her when the bleak realization shattered her world.

She grabbed onto Levi's jacket to stabilize herself. "Armin… will die…?"

"Yes," Levi answered harshly. In a rare display of emotions, his own gray eyes were also shrouded with pain. It was clear that the bleak fate resulting from his decision, of his responsibility, devastated him tremendously.

He touched her face again. "I'll bring Erwin back."

Suddenly, Levi turned to his ashen-haired subordinate, pushing her to him. "Jean, take her!"

Her body stumbled backward from the impactful push. Every muscle in her body froze when Jean's arms snaked around her.

"Everyone get out of here!" Levi shouted. "I'm going to have Erwin eat Bertholdt!"

"Fuck…" she heard Jean cursed. She looked up to him. Tears were streaming down his face. "God damn it…"

Jean shot a grapple to a nearby roof and Ida felt her own body fly with him. Everything was a blur. Her eyes remained fixated on Levi who was grabbing Bertholdt by the scruff of his neck. Slowly, she migrated her gaze to Armin's body which was burned so badly she could hardly recognize him.

Sobs choked her chest yet she held it in.

And like a coward, Ida shut her eyes, refusing to look at the truth.

Those crystal-clear blue eyes that would light up at the fables and tales beyond the walls, the cute button nose, his innocent smile… Armin's optimism never failed to cheer her up. Ida truly loved the boy like he was her younger brother and yet…

Yet…

Yet…

The selfish, disgusting truth was that she would've chosen Erwin in a heartbeat.

Not because he was the Commander of the Survey Corps, not because he was essential for humanity's survival, not because he was the monster this world needed…

But because he was her father.

The only blood relative that Ida recognized left in this world.

When Jean landed with her on another roof, Ida's legs gave way and she tumbled into a kneeling position. Jean tried to support her back up, but Ida didn't even budge. She didn't budge physically, but mentally, Ida was being pushed over the brink of insanity.

"Ah…" She clutched the area above her heart. The intense agony was starting to spread from her chest right down to her shuddering fingertips.

She didn't want to believe it. Ida wanted to deny the truth for just a while longer, but this was a nightmare that had turned into a reality, and she had no choice but to accept it.

Armin was going to die.

But Erwin would be saved.

Ida hyperventilated softly. Too much. It was too much for her to take. Relief, guilt, disgust, and grief all sat like a package in her stomach. It was getting so hard to breathe, it was getting so, so hard…

What was she to do?

Feel guilty? Grieve like the rest of her squad? Be happy that Erwin still had a second chance to live? Cry for her father, mourn for her friend?

What was one supposed to feel in this situation? How was she supposed to face her subordinates after this? How was she supposed to live with herself after this?

This sin was too much to bear.

But…

If this meant Erwin would be saved then...

A guttural sound erupted through her nose as her fingers clawed at the shingles of the roof. The soft sniffles of her squad only served as a sledgehammer to her conscience. Jean was crying next to her, silent in his comfort, but still physically there to support her. They were both unable to look at the scene happening in the distance.

The finality of the situation too much for both.

The only person who had seen Ida truly, truly break since their previous squad's demise was Levi. Now, even though Ida kneeled on the roof with her comrades and knew that they would do her no harm, the tears could only well up in her eyes but couldn't fall.

And with determination, Ida finally faced the truth head-on. When stripped bare with all her sins for the world to see, she acknowledged that she was bringing her father back to a world of hell even after he had found peace. She was willing to sacrifice even Armin.

Selfish, selfish, selfish, and yet... Ida would've offered her soul and taken this sin on herself.

See Erwin...

I told you before, didn't I? I need you.

Shamefully, Ida shut her eyes in agony, forcing the accumulated tears to stream down her bloodstained face. She swiped the tears and blood off her cheek. When Ida forced herself to look back at where Levi was, the image was blurry.

Even if I know that living as a monster was hell for you, even if I know that you want to rest, even if I know you have played your part…

I'm sorry that I couldn't let you go.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Erwin has to live...

It was all that Levi sought as he grabbed Bertholdt.

Erwin's voice….

It was all that Levi wanted to hear as he dropped Bertholdt at the center of the roof. Hot bile rose in the back of the throat as he took the boy in. Bertholdt may have torn down the Walls, but he was still human. He couldn't have been older than nine or ten at the time of Wall Maria's breach.

Shit. A fucking kid.

But this kid was an enemy of humanity.

And he had a duty to fulfill and a person to protect.

Ida's smile…

That was all that mattered to Levi as he barreled back to Erwin, fingers firmly clutched around the injection box. Every atom in his body screamed in exhaustion. Shit after shit thrown at him—it was starting to take a toll on him.

He had to make things right again. For her. For the Survey Corps. For humanity.

But...

Levi didn't know why, but his body stopped. His shadow was motionless as the setting sun distorted it into mile-long columns. He found himself surveying the scorched city. The bone-shivering wails of his comrades that died for humanity were nothing but distant echoes, but they reminded him of his duty all the same.

This was his responsibility.

Erwin had entrusted the Titan serum to him, believing in his decisions.

And Levi would never betray that trust; he would never allow Erwin to regret the choices he made.

Levi was pulled from his mental turmoil momentarily by soft wheezing from behind him. He refused to look back. He refused because it would only remind him of what he had to do, of who he had to sacrifice. But his thoughts betrayed him as feelings of pain coursed through him, followed by immense guilt.

And suddenly, he could hear them. Armin and Eren.

"It's a saltwater lake all the way to the horizon! The sea!"

"But he's different… for Armin… it wasn't just about fighting! He had dreams too!"

His gray eyes dilated in the purest of agony.

"Every single one of you brats…" Levi mumbled, unable to fight the pained expression off his face. "Ranting and raving like a bunch of children…"

Dreams, what the fuck was so great about it?

Kenny's voice buried deep in this subconscious didn't miss the opportunity to remind him.

"Everyone had to be drunk on something… otherwise you couldn't keep going…"

"Everyone is a slave to something… even he was…"

Levi set his jaw and commanded his feet to move. Armin, Erwin, Kenny, all those damned assholes and their shitty dreams.

Forcing his melancholic musing aside, Levi squatted next to the man he had sent to his grave earlier; the man who he told to give up on his dreams and die for humanity. His agonizing heart dropped to the abyss of his stomach when he realized what he was about to do.

Shit Erwin, I have to do this.

For Ida.

For humanity.

Levi pressed the needle against the skin of Erwin's arm. Again, he found himself pausing. Against his better judgment, Levi once again found his stare moving to where Armin was laying. His eyes thinned.

Burnt to shit, and yet still clinging onto life. The image was haunting and heart-wrenching.

But Levi could remember.

He remembered the boy; how he looked like before. Armin was never much trouble nor was he strong. A weak brat who was always smiling, but he was clever. Clever enough to achieve the recognition of Erwin. He would've been an asset to humanity as well.

Armin was a weak, clever shitty brat…. with different dreams...

Before Levi could even prepare himself, Ida's voice rang in his head, ripping his souls into shreds. "I don't think that it's wrong to dream… Look at Armin, that kid… even now he isn't thinking just about the basement, but he wants to see the world beyond..."

His breath stalled in his constricted chest.

They were all slaves to something, Levi thought sullenly as an agonizing pain sheeted through him. Even him.

He readied his thumb on the plunger. All Levi needed to do was to press, yet it found it difficult to do so.

Why?

As though to answer him, Erwin suddenly pulled his arm away, slapping his hand with the injection. He raised his hand high above his head. His blue eyes, which were once bright with life and ambition, opened slightly; blank, hollow, and dead-like.

"Teacher…" Erwin murmured, "How do we know there's… no humans… outside the walls?

His eyes enlarged in shock. "Erwin?"

There was no response. The shock lasted momentarily, and Levi realized that Erwin was experiencing hallucinations of his final memories. And strangely enough, anger rose through him as Levi watched his Commander's borderline lifeless face.

Even now….

Why was it that even now when Erwin was barely clinging to his life; he was still a slave to his shitty dreams?

Then, his daughter's words came flooding back to him. "I thought that he was so pitiful. He looked like he wanted someone to save him from his own dreams. Like he wanted to…"

His heart breathed faintly, as though daggers had suddenly transfixed themselves in his chest. Levi was taken aback by the chaotic emotions suddenly reeling inside of him.

"You've been with him longer than I have… do you think that… he's beyond salvation?"

As Ida's voice flowed through his subconscious, the reasons for his hesitancy became clear. Slowly, Levi lifted his head up and felt the world vibrate with colors and jump to life.

Salvation…

Levi breathed in deeply.

And just… allowed himself to remember.

He remembered Erwin's smile in their final moments; peaceful, unburden, and free. It was the most peaceful smile he had seen on Erwin's face. And he thanked him. Erwin thanked for making a difficult choice on his behalf; the right choice that allowed him to die as an honorable man.

And when he left to charge to his death, shoulders squared and strong; Erwin was a free man, no longer a slave cemented to his dreams.

No longer a monster that humanity needed.

Erwin Smith had finally found his salvation.

Levi's expression darkened and he looked back to Erwin's face in dismay.

Then, would Erwin blame him for dragging him back from death? For turning him back into a monster after he had let everything go?

After all that he had done and sacrificed, Erwin deserved the rest, didn't he? It was time for him to go to the place where he belonged, beyond the walls and beyond the world of war. Levi had the ability to give him that. He had the ability to grant him peace.

Levi looked at Armin's body on the roof, torched and tiny.

"I'll bring him back." His abating soul was hanging on by mere strings when he remembered what he told Ida earlier; what he had promised her.

But Ida knew, Levi was certain. She might've acted like a selfish brat most of the time, but Ida was far from that. No matter how hard Ida tried to deny it, deep down, she would've known what was truly best for Erwin.

With a heavy heart, Levi commanded himself to stand up.

Injection in hand, he walked to the tiny burnt body, his strong beating heart whimpering in torture. The indistinguishable screams grew louder within him. Ida's screams, he was certain. But Levi only kept walking, decision set.

A mental image of Ida's smile flashed by him. "Levi!"

His heart wrenched as the inevitable consequences tugged at him. This decision would undoubtedly shatter her and change their relationship. Perhaps she would resent him, blame him, cursed him, damned him to the depths of hell.

Another sin to add to his list, Levi supposed. He would eventually pay for this too.

But he would be making a choice he would never regret. A choice Levi was sure the both of them would never regret.

Ironically enough, as Levi grabbed Armin's withered frail hand, he realized that for the first time he was making a choice without humanity in mind. He was making a selfish choice based on his emotions.

For his Commander, for his daughter, and for himself.

Because he was tasked with this responsibility, he had to endure and be the one to make the choice.

Levi pressed the needle into Armin's vein. He waited until he saw the blood fill the bottom of the syringe. His eyes felt dry, but his vision started blurring anyway.

He had the chance to stop there. Levi had the chance to turn back around to Erwin. For Ida who undoubtedly loved her father, he had the chance to do things right by her. But no matter how painful it would be for her, for them, Levi couldn't bring himself to back out now.

Erwin's face emerged from his memory bank. "Thank you, Levi."

He pressed the plunger down, felt it bottom out, but he continued to press, just to assure himself that he had actually done it. It was quick and easy, but Levi felt as though a damned eternity had passed.

And Levi counted.

He counted until the numbers ran together, until all he heard was a numb hum in his head.

"I leave her to you."

Levi could imagine the betrayal in Ida's eyes when Armin opened his eyes, took a gasp of air, and began hyperventilating. Swiftly, he took the syringe out of his arm. He dropped Armin's convulsing hand, stood, and threw the empty syringe off the roof.

Wretchedness cascaded over his pale face as Levi turned away from Armin.

I will protect her, Erwin. I swear it. Even if she doesn't want me to.

When Levi reached Erwin's battered body, he knelt, collected him in his arms, and stood up straight. He shot his anchors to the roof where the rest of his comrades were and propelled towards it, holding Erwin close to him.

The Commander's body in his arms was still warm, still breathing, and still suffering.

But not for any longer.

For Levi had given Erwin peace, given him mercy, and ultimately… given him freedom.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

When Levi landed with Erwin in his arms, he felt though he had left what remained of his beating heart on the other roof. Yet he kept his expression cool, icy even.

He turned in time to watch Armin writhing on the roof, arching his back at an impossible angle before he was smothered in muscle and tissue that grew around him. Armin slid off the edge of the roof, and the legs grew, feet touching the ground.

Then the mindless Titan with the simple features of Armin's rose, hands outstretched to Bertholdt's body. Berthdolt woke up and screamed for help. Levi couldn't hear the words, but screaming had a certain pitch of betrayal, and he could hear every syllable of that.

Morosely, Levi averted his eyes, knowing his duty was done.

There was no turning back. Only forward. Towards despair and the future.

Without an exchange of words, Levi held Erwin's body out to Hanji. Shock and sadness were present on her face when she took him in her arms. She leaned down, placing Erwin to rest on the roof. The dark expression on her face spoke volumes, but she didn't say a single word.

It was Floch who asked the question that was hovering in her mind. "Why… did you…?"

"Do you think… that you can forgive him?" Levi said, his voice softer and more miserable than he had ever heard it. "He had no choice but to become a devil. It was us who wished for that. And in the end… when he was finally set free from hell… we wanted to bring him back once more."

Hanji didn't respond. She leaned over Erwin and pried his eyes open to assess his state.

"He's dead," she whispered conclusively.

The immeasurable pain that came with the news vibrated to the depths of his soul. Hanji stared at him, her one eye painfully devoid of emotion. Then, she craned her neck and looked past his shoulder to something behind him. Her mouth slowly went agape, but no words escaped her.

Levi's chest tightened. He had a good idea who she was staring at.

When Armin's Titan convulsed once before it began shrinking and disappearing behind the building, Eren and the rest sprinted to him. Simultaneously, Levi stood up to his full height.

He inhaled a deep breath. Every part of him knew then that this was going to be the start of the worst fucking conversation he would ever have in his life.

Finally, Levi turned around to confront his bleak fate, ready to bear the sin himself.

And there she was…

The one person Levi treasured more than his life.

Ida...

She stood there, paralyzed and frozen to the core. Their anguished eyes met in silence. There was an indisputable potency of shock, betrayal, and hurt that materialized in the glassy green eyes that used to hold so much love and adoration for him. The way Ida looked at him cut Levi like scalding knives.

She didn't say a word, but Ida's haunted expression said it all: she could not believe what he—who she had trusted with all her heart—had just done, and the only thing she wanted was for him was to tell her that this was all just a painful nightmare.

But Levi couldn't give her that.

And so, he stepped forward, erasing the once pained expression on his face with resolution.

"Ida," he began steadily, showing no emotions in his dark eyes. His tone was business-like, detached. "He's gone."

Levi knew that his simple words acted like a sledgehammer that pummelled every nerve in her body into smithereens, but it had to be done. This was his sin to bear and the consequences he had to face. The foundation of the little strength Ida stood on fractured under his confirmation and she stumbled.

"No…." Ida shook her head. Her body trembled, unable to contain the cancer-like flood ravaging within her. "It's all just a bad joke—there's no—impossible—you wouldn't—please Levi—"

"Erwin's gone," he persisted, ignoring her blatant denial. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't bring him back. I can't."

She had to accept. She had to move on. She was strong enough to.

Levi tried to reach out to her, yet Ida escaped from his hold, causing him to breathe in pain while he stared at her longingly. "Ida…"

Suddenly, a loud strangled sound that sounded like a mixture of frustration and agony erupted from her. Rage tormented her green irises as Ida whipped out her blade from her tank and charged at him.

"Levi!" he heard Hanji shout for him.

He didn't need that warning. Levi grabbed her blade with his bare hand. He knew it wasn't swung with the intention to truly kill. The dangerous coldness of the weapon frosted his skin as the surface wound on his hand started to bleed. Levi paid no mind to it and desperately tried to reach out to her.

"I would do anything for you," he went on agonizingly. "And the sole fact that I can't stop you from hurting right now is fucking killing me more than you'll ever know. But Ida, we have to move on. We must."

Seconds passed, growing in tension. Nothing but Ida's heavy pants could be heard. She kept her torn eyes on him. Even through her relentless anger, Levi saw the concern in her eyes. He could feel Ida straining her muscles and using all her willpower to restrain herself. Despite everything, Levi could still sense her unwillingness to hurt him.

He could still sense her instincts to protect him.

And this killed him. It was agonizing just to see her this way and it was a double-edged sword. Because it reminded Levi of the love he shared with her… and reminded him of the fact he had just destroyed it with this betrayal.

He had just fucking destroyed everything.

"Why?!" she finally demanded, her voice heavy with shrill.

"You know the reason why. We should let him rest."

"I don't know," she insisted brokenly, tears starting to form in her eyes. "I don't—"

Her words stabbed him like knives, but still, Levi carried on relentlessly. "You do."

Another broken cry escaped her. Suddenly, Ida threw her brandished blade to the ground. Her tears wouldn't stop when she finally backed away from him. "Ah… ah..."

Ida pressed her fist against her stomach, moaning agonizingly. But Levi knew it did nothing to help. The tears… the pain… the betrayal… the anger… none of it stopped for her, it only grew more relentless, more agonizing.

"Ida—"

"Me?! Of all people you did this to me!" The sobs spilled out of her chest and into her broken voice. "After all we've been through, how could you do this to me?! To Erwin?!"

Levi was speechless, his expression completely broken while he stared at her in misery. He tried to reach out to her, but when her fists collided with his chest, Ida lost it.

"How could you?!" Ida continued to push him because Levi allowed her to. Because even then, he knew he deserved every abuse she wanted to give him. "How could you do this?! Humanity needs him! Erwin is the Commander! We need him! You fucking bastard! Damn you! You lying piece of shit! You have just damned humanity—"

That was when Levi had enough.

"Ida look at me! Fucking look at me!" he commanded, cupping his hands over her cheeks. They panted together. Surprisingly, her nerves calmed as their eyes held one another's.

Pain contorted his features when Levi pressed his forehead against hers, his eyes pleading for her understanding. "We shouldn't bring him back, not when he had found peace. We can't. Erwin… he's already gone."

"No, no, no," Ida resisted, pushing against him, refusing to be held, but Levi refused to let her go. More guttural sobs elicited from her, and Ida doubled over screaming. "NO!"

Levi's breathing grew heavier, yet he didn't allow any outward expressions to portray how hurt he was to see her like this, knowing that he was the one who did this to her.

What could he do? Apologize? But shitty apologies wouldn't help now. It was the last thing Ida needed. The last thing Levi could bring himself to do now.

And so, all Levi could do was to hold onto her tightly as she trashed to get away from him. His heart fractured into tiny pieces as he patiently waited for her to calm down.

When she finally expended her strength, Ida sobbed and clutched onto his shirt, looking up to him with unyielding desperation in her eyes.

"Please, please, Levi…" she carried on, never more broken and vulnerable than he had seen her. "Please tell me it isn't true… Erwin is the Commander, humanity needs him—the serum… it's all just a joke… right?"

There was unbridled grief in his gaze; it was one that mirrored every inch of hers. The only difference was that there were no remnants of tears in his eyes.

The grip on his shirt grew tighter, and so did the desperation on Ida's face.

"R–Right?" she probed for a reaction, never more hopeful. "You wouldn't—not to me… you know how much I need him..."

Her gaze was fixated on his, green eyes drowning at the sight of her very last lifeline; Levi had her now—he was her last hope. Her last shred of sanity was him, the man she loved, and she couldn't believe that he would ever hurt her.

But he did.

And she had to accept it.

Slowly, Levi closed his eyes in despair and he felt himself exhale excruciatingly. Erwin's death by his own hands was a tremendous toll on him, and yet seeing his daughter react this way was more painful than he could've ever imagined.

Agonized and torn with himself, Levi couldn't bring himself to look at her, and so he hugged her, one hand on the back of her head, while he nuzzled his cheek against the side of her neck like a broken-hearted wolf.

"I used the serum on Armin… I chose him."

The ache in his voice from knowing that he couldn't grant her deepest wish tortured him.

"Don't," Levi's quiet words were broken, his expression torn apart from agony. "Don't do this to yourself… this isn't what Erwin would've wanted for you."

Her breath lingered on his skin. Ida did not speak, her body was as stiff as a pole, but Levi could hear her words and feel her pain by the way she breathed. Then, what killed him more was the fact that he could feel a single teardrop transfer over from her skin to his.

He gritted his teeth to prevent an agonized scream from escaping. Close. He was so close. Levi could feel himself breaking. Every nerve in his body screamed out in tears, but he couldn't break outwardly. He could never. Erwin had entrusted her to him, he had to be the pillar of support for her; the strongest, forever enduring, forever unbreakable.

As though Ida knew of his inner tsunami of pain he was going through, her arms slowly reached up and touched his back. Levi pulled her tight against him, holding her with such care that she would know that he hated seeing her like this. She was ripping his heart from his chest.

Please, Ida, don't do this. Fuck. Don't do this to me.

Accept it.

Silence ensued before Ida said something in a shuddering voice.

"If we hurry back... there would be Garrison medics by the gates..."

Levi peeled himself away from her, furrowing his brows in confusion. He was silent when he searched her face. The hot tears were still cascading down her cheeks, but Ida's eyes were so far away, shifty and distracted, and clearly in denial.

Drained, Levi didn't have the mental or physical strength to stop her when Ida fumbled out of his grasp and staggered to Erwin.

"There's a famous doctor at Sina too... if we hurry back now, will he be able to save Erwin...?"

Levi looked back to see Hanji weeping, her hand covering her mouth to muffle her sobs. Miserably, she attempted to stop her. "Ida… don't. Think about the—"

Ida ignored her and fell to her knees in front of her father's corpse. "Answer me..."

No one.

Not Hanji, not Floch, not even Levi had the heart nor the strength to answer her. They could only helplessly look on at the grieving image of Ida losing her only family member left: a daughter mourning the loss of her father.

A dry smile tilted her lips and Ida caressed the sides of Erwin's face.

"Erwin… it's not your time yet… Humanity needs you—I need you… didn't you promise me you won't die on me? Didn't you promise that you won't abandon me, mm?"

Levi looked away, unable to bear the pain echoing in his chest at the sight of Ida completely shattering in front of her father's corpse. He bunched his fist together. Helpless. Fucking helpless he was against the elevating agony that was ripping through every nerve in his body and helpless to comfort her. Nothing would remedy this.

"Dad…" Ida took Erwin's lifeless hand and pressed it on her cheek. "Wake up… please, just hold on for me. We will go back to Rose soon… we will go home… you will get treated… just hold on till then… a little while longer… p–please don't leave me..."

Her lips quivered uncontrollably while Ida spoke, the words spilling out of her like they were pieces of her heart. "If not for me, then… that's okay... but what about your dreams? Didn't you want to see the basement, mm? We can go see it together…"

Levi felt as though Ida had torn his soul to shreds. His senses reminded him of everything – every memory Erwin and he had together, every smile that Ida gave him, every idle conversation that the three of them shared… but it also reminded him of the impossible.

Erwin was dead.

But Ida could not accept his death.

Levi moved to her, his eyes gentle, yet firm and unyielding. "Ida—"

"Hold on, please…" she said brokenly, every syllabus conveying the immense amount of agony she felt. More tears poured out of her eyes as Ida laid her head on Erwin's chest. Her fingers curled around his shirt, and Ida wouldn't let go of the corpse. "Ah… I–I should be hearing something... I should be hearing... his heartbeat… why… can't I hear it…?"

Sorrowfully, Hanji nodded to him, gesturing that he should do something. Levi touched Ida's arm, intending to pull her away, but it only caused Ida to react even more violently, more hysterically.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed, slapping his grasp away from her. "Don't fucking touch me!"

Pushed over the edge, Ida grabbed onto Erwin as though afraid they would take him from her.

"God no, no, no—you promised me—you promised that you would live for me! So why?! WHY?! WHY?! DO I NOT MATTER TO YOU?! IS YOUR DUTY MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME?!"

Her voice cracked under the immense pressure. Unable to contain everything, Ida screamed as she hit Erwin's corpse. It caused a shudder to crawl down Levi's spine. Her scream sounded more animalistic than human.

Levi rushed to her urgently, trying to edge her away, "Ida—"

"WHAT ABOUT YOUR DREAMS?! WHY ARE YOU IN THIS STATE?! HUMANITY NEEDS YOU! I NEED YOU!"

Unable to rein himself in anymore, Levi forcibly grabbed her and pulled her away. Ida tried to resist in vain. "LET ME GO—HE WON'T DIE—I WON'T LET HIM—"

"Fucking hell, Ida!" Levi encased her tightly in his arms. "Stop this!"

She wasn't listening—Ida was inconsolable at this point and beyond the realms of hysterics. Even safely in his arms, she was still attempting to reach out to Erwin. Her fingers outstretched as Levi pulled her further away.

"WAKE UP GOD DAMN IT!" she screamed at the lifeless Commander. "I WON'T LET YOU DIE!"

They both tripped on their footing and fell to the grounds. Pain rippled through him as Ida wept, hyperventilating in defeat. Levi was still holding onto her firmly, still hugging her from the back. With one arm snaked around her to restrain her, he could feel every shudder that accompanied her sobs.

"Ida," Levi gritted his teeth, his eyes stinging. "He's gone."

"No, no, no!" Ida shook her head furiously, holding onto his arm around her chest. Her fingernails dug into his flesh. "I won't let him—I won't! Humanity needs him—"

"IDA!" Levi screamed next to her ear, causing her to stiffen and pause from the thunderous sound. Closing his eyes in pain, his tone dropped to a gentler one. "He's gone…"

Wretchedness befalling him, Levi buried his face in her neck. "Ida, he's gone…" he could only repeat his words, though he knew they did nothing to help her. "He's already… gone."

How else could he help her? How else could he end her pain? The irony of the situation caused sparks of anger to rile deep within him. Fuck, who was he kidding? He couldn't help her. He was the one who did this to her. Ultimately, he was the one who chose to let Erwin rest.

He was her father's murderer.

Crumbling in his arms, the octaves of Ida's sobs grew louder, harder, elevating in alignment with the grief she was experiencing. Her body sank into his frame, defeated. Each body part fits—they fit so easily, so perfectly. Everything was so familiar. Just like the night before the expedition where he held her lovingly, devouring in each other's love and warmth.

But there was no love now, no semblance of warmth. Just pain and cold grief, and they were all reminders of the nightmare, of the betrayal, of the beloved person they had lost. Loyalty prevented him from bringing Erwin back. Love prevented her from accepting.

"Please…" Ida's shoulders shuddered. Tears choked her throat, breaking her voice apart. "Levi… please, tell me it isn't true… I–I'm not as strong as you think I am… I'm not as strong as you… I can't let him go… I'm not strong enough… I can't…"

His hand wound its way in Ida's hair and he pulled her to him. His other arm curled around her shoulders. Exhausted, Ida didn't resist and buried her face in the crook of his neck, weeping. His chin rested on top of her head.

And all Levi could do was repeat the words repeatedly until Ida had accepted it.

"He's gone..." he said, in the gentlest voice he could muster. "You can let him go. He's resting peacefully now."

This time, Ida didn't ask any more questions, nor did she plead for him to lie to her any longer. Instead, she squeezed her eyes together. Another painful sob parted from her lips and she merely wept.

And that was when Levi knew, Ida had finally accepted.

Breathing through the fluid aches of his heart, Levi looked up to the sky and remembered the promise he made with Erwin—to protect her, to stay by her side.

And so, they sat there, holding each other. Two heartbeats enduring on with incomplete hearts; the missing pieces claimed in the hands of those who were forever lifeless and cold.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

"Lay him there."

The door creaked open. Ida held onto the dusty wooden frame and stepped to the side. Connie walked in, carrying Erwin on his back. Hanji solemnly followed shortly after him. Ida ignored the potent pain enveloping her insides as she watched Connie place her father's corpse on what used to be Elsie's bed.

When he was done, Connie nervously shifted on his footing, unsure of what to do next. "Uhm… so…"

"Connie, start with this room," Hanji began her walk to the exit. "I'll start with the other—"

"No."

They came to a standstill and stared at her skeptically. Ida tilted her lips as she regarded them. "I know this place better than you do. I'll search my house alone. We still don't know if our enemies have retreated. It's best if we are on guard, so go back to where the rest are."

Hanji and Connie exchanged eye contact, their concerns apparent. Ida knew they were being careful around her, but it wasn't really necessary.

"Ida, you said it yourself, it isn't safe—"

"I want to be alone with my father please."

Hanji slowly closed her mouth, appearing to relinquish her arguments. On the other hand, Connie was more vocal with his thoughts. "I can search the other parts of the house. You won't even know that I'm here—"

"Connie," Hanji interrupted him. She shook her head at him, a sign to retreat on the matter.

Unable to counter that direct instruction, Connie exhaled tiredly and looked back at her. Concern engulfed his eyes.

"Then," Hanji threw her a fleeting glance, "we'll be waiting for you on top of the Wall."

"Get some rest," Ida said evenly. "I'll fire a signal flare if anything happens."

Hand on Connie's back, Hanji guided the boy out of the bedroom. It was only after she heard the door close did Ida renounced her feigned smile. She walked to Erwin and sat on the edge of the bed.

Carefully, Ida pulled down the Survey Corps cloak that was draped over Erwin's corpse and touched the sides of his face.

Cold, cold, cold, and yet still so warm.

"You're late… dad..."

Ida could not speak any longer. Her throat was so constricted that she felt like she was choking. How could she be fine without him? Was it really that easy to leave her?

Inhaling a shuddering breath, Ida squeezed her eyes shut. No tears. Her eyes were dry now. Strange, she was crying her soul out earlier. And so she waited, she waited for the tears to come. But none came.

Her eyes were still dry when she scoured the nostalgic bedroom. How ironic the situation was; she had finally returned home with her father and was sitting in the bedroom which once belonged to her mother.

Only that it wasn't just the three of them together as Ida had imagined it when she was younger, was it?

There was no Elsie Starke.

There was no Erwin Smith.

It was just her, and her alone. One single heart that was still beating.

Both of them… are such bad parents… Ida thought mindlessly, surprised that the overwhelming sorrow she expected to feel was nowhere to be found. Her fingers curled around the dusty bedspreads beneath her, hoping that she could feel her mother's warmth somewhere, but again, there was nothing. Are you happy now, mom? Erwin's come back home, after so long, after all the waiting that you did… he's finally home…

She smiled morosely.

Ida did not understand. She was supposed to be angry; she was sharp-tongued and violent when she was angry. This was another one of fate's cruel jokes. How many times had she gone over this imaginary scenario in her head? She had wished so many times Erwin would return home. Now that he actually was home though, all her emotions failed her.

No matter how much she tried, Ida did not feel anger, nor sorrow, she just felt… empty.

But maybe this was for the best. What is done is done. There was no point wishing for an answer to this nightmare. Trapped in an endless cycle of misery, living in the faded past—she knew this feeling well. There was nothing waiting for her here, all she needed to do was to accept and move on.

Her fingers felt stiff when they reached for Erwin's collar. But the green bolo-tie that represented the Commander of the Survey Corps was already gone from his body.

Levi, she realized blankly.

Instead, Ida took the Wings of Freedom emblem off his uniform.

Chills formed on her skin while she stared back at the innocuous, yet mocking item; an item that meant nothing to the dead but meant everything to her. An item that represented everything that the owner died for, and yet represented every reason why she had to carry on.

Her numbness lifted marginally. Ida cradled the emblem close to her chest like she had found a hidden treasure. Erwin didn't need this anymore, she told herself. She had to keep a memory of him, a memory of their good times while she tried to live past the misery that awaited her.

Can she just give up here? She was so, so tired.

Ida wanted to do that, but as she felt the weight of Erwin's emblem in her grasp. The living had to continue. All that was left, was for her to accept, soldier on, and move on. Though dazed with heartache, Ida listened to her own rationale. She kept the emblem in her pocket and laid a small kiss on Erwin's forehead.

Rest well, dad. You're free now.

Ida rose to her feet. She was having a hard time seeing through the sudden blur of her vision, but she moved around the room with familiarity.

Her fingers grazed on her mother's dresser. It was caked with dust, accumulated over the five years that it had been abandoned. But she remembered this dresser. She was shorter then, her head had barely reached the top. Submerged in that memory, everything vibrated with colors and came back to life around her, as if time had frozen here and she was back in the past. Ida could even hear the waves of laughter and feel the warmth.

But the colors, the laughs, and warmth were gone in just a second, and nothing but a crumbling dusty room greet her.

She smiled dryly and obediently began her search.

As she rummaged through the room, Ida tried to ignore the anguished realization that this place, though familiar and nostalgic, no longer felt like home to her, but it was futile. Everything reminded her that this was no longer her home. She was almost ready to leave the room when she mindlessly opened the drawer to a desk and saw one particular item stare up at her.

Her eyes zeroed in on the portrait. Ida closed her fingers around it and held up a portrait that her mother had drawn of her father.

She remembered the portrait, but Ida wasn't prepared for the sudden surge of anger that embalmed her. She glared at it, falling deeper into the locked emotions of her childhood.

.

.

.

Year 842, Shiganshina District

"That's the bells of the gate opening! The Survey Corps are returning from an expedition beyond the Walls!"

Bolting into the kitchen where her mother was cooking dinner for that evening, a thirteen-year-old Ida ran towards her. Elsie couldn't even get in a reply when Ida grabbed her hand and attempted to drag her out of the kitchen and out of their house.

"Wa–Wait, the dinner!" Elsie screamed. "Ida! What are you doing?!"

"The heroes are returning home! We have to hurry, mom!"

Angered that she wasn't listening to her, Elsie snatched her hand away. "What are you doing?" she demanded sternly. "What heroes?"

She was too young to notice the hidden anger underlying Elsie's words. Her mother had always had a gentle and loving disposition, so Ida wasn't aware of the signs. "My father is in the Survey Corps, right? Erwin Smith!"

A dark veil fell on Elsie's features. "What?"

"Let's go see him!" Ida said, still attempting to drag her mother to the streets to watch the Survey Corps procession. "I know you want to see him! Every time the bells ring, you look out of the window!"

"Ida! Stop this!" Elsie grabbed onto her shoulders to stop her. She appeared conflicted, almost as if she was wrestling with a decision. Then, in a firm voice, asked, "How did you know that your father was in the Survey Corps?"

Breaking out in a toothy grin, Ida extracted a portrait from her dress pockets. "Look! This is my dad, right? You drew this! Is he really this handsome? I realized he was wearing the Survey Corps uniform—"

Her mother snatched the portrait from her hands with such force that Ida flinched. Elsie's green eyes bulged in anger. "This was in my notebook! Ida! I told you never to touch it!"

"Why not?" Ida blinked, alarmed at how her mother was reacting. "Didn't you say it was just a notebook where you write down your recipes—"

"Never!" Elsie snarled, never looking more dangerous to her. "Never ever touch that book again, do you hear me?!"

Ida frowned, confused at how her mother was acting. "Why? It's just a—ah!"

She winced when Elsie suddenly grabbed her arm in a vice-like grip. "Never!" Her fingernails dug into her flesh in painful desperation to get her to understand. "Do you understand?!"

"Mom stop, you're hurting me—"

"Do you hear me?!" Elsie ignored the pain on her voice and face. Her green pupils were expanded and lost as if trapped in a vicious turmoil. "Never try to seek him out! Is that clear?! We'll only hinder him—what did I tell you?! He doesn't want us! He doesn't need us! Your father is a great man destined for greater things! Do not ever appear in front of him no matter the circumstances!"

"Ah!" Ida moaned in pain when her mother finally let go of her.

She stumbled, nearly falling. Tears embellishing her vision, Ida rubbed her aching arm. Meanwhile, Elsie paced up and down the room, raking her fingers through her hair as she mumbled something to herself.

Ida stared at her gentle mother in fear. She looked, and acted, like a completely different person. It was the first time she had ever seen her this angry. This first time she was so violent. She couldn't understand why she was behaving this way.

"Mom…?" Ida croaked, fearful. "I–I didn't look at your notebook, I found the portrait on your bedroom floor, it must have dropped—"

"Go to your room!" Elsie screeched, not wanting to hear her explanation. She grabbed onto her arm again and dragged her to her room with such force that Ida couldn't help but cry on the way there.

"Mom—I'm sorry—ah!"

She stumbled into the room, sobbing.

Elsie towered against the door frame. As young as she was, Ida could see the pain in her eyes. She hastily twirled around. "This will be the last time we speak of your father."

With that warning, her mother slammed the door shut.

.

.

.

The very same portrait Ida had found years ago, now in her hands again, taunted her eyes.

Liar.

Disgust heaved inside her while Ida's eyes became consumed with hate. She was put through hell because of all the secrets her mother kept. Precious time was wasted because she spent years upon years hating her father... because her mother led her to believe he had abandoned her…. she could've used the time to develop a proper relationship with Erwin, but she didn't…. because of her…

Because of Elsie, and the guilt she had for keeping the secrets of the world from Erwin.

Love? Yearning?

Now grown up and hardened, everything became glaringly clear. Her mother didn't love him. How could she keep such secrets from the one she loved? How could she keep his daughter from her own father? How could she guide her daughter to hate her own father?

And before she passed, Elsie fucking justified her actions with just one phrase: "all is fair in love and war."

Rage engulfed Ida. That fucking monster justified keeping secrets of the world from the people of the walls, justified intentionally keeping Erwin from his own daughter, justified everything with… love?

Love for her?

Love for Erwin?

Bullshit.

Shaking, Ida screamed in anger and flung the desk across the room.

Crack!

Every nerve, cell, and atom in her body felt the pain and reality. The mind-numbing pain was released, and Ida began to drown within it.

"Fuck," Ida laughed bitterly, combing her fingers through her hair. "To top it off, you gave birth to a bitch of a daughter who is now the enemy… another fucking Starke…"

Ida clutched her aching chest. It was starting to get suffocating, the emotions were starting to run rampant again. Then, she realized that the desk had slammed into the wall with unforgiving force and broke apart. Ida should've felt relief to see her mother's treasured desk break apart so easily, but no such relief befell her as she stared at it.

The drawers had spilled from the desk and the wooden plank that acted like a false bottom was laying beside it. In between the hollow space of the drawer, there was something... sticking out of it?

"A book…?"

Ida's eyes enlarged at the sight and her anger rapidly drained from her. She walked over to it and picked it up, not believing her eyes. This was the same notebook that Elsie had forbidden her to touch.

She quickly examined it and gasped in her mind when she realized that it might contain information that could answer all her questions. Ida flipped through the pages in haste. There was no mistaking her mother's handwriting.

Oh God, it's a diary…?

The paramount realization left her stunned. Pages and pages. Elsie had written a lot in her lifetime. Ida rushed to the front page.

Year 829.

It was the year that she was born. A lump formed in her throat and Ida hesitated in reading further. She had spent years looking for answers, but now that it was right in front of her, Ida was terrified.

Hesitantly, her shaking fingers landed on the faded page.

But before she could read on, a surge of electrical energy ran through her fingertips, shooting all the way to her brain. The words of the notebook clashed together, blurring. Ida gasped as she felt the diary slip out of her hands.

And then, as if actively ridiculing her, Ida was transported into a memory.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Year 842, Starke Estate

Ida knew what was happening when she opened her eyes. She quickly took in her surroundings, hopeful she was back in Odina's memory. Unfortunately, the location she transported to this time was familiar. Too unfamiliar, in fact.

Jaron Starke's office.

Hatred shot through her when Ida realized she was probably in Jaron's memory.

Dread churning in her stomach, she hesitantly turned around. She gasped when she saw the two figures standing in the middle of the room.

"Elsie and Jaron…?"

Confused, Ida hastily took inventory of her mother's dress. The Walls, she remembered the dress. It was a blue dress that she wore when she lived in Shiganshina. This memory was more recent than she had anticipated.

Jaron and Elsie met each other? Ida realized with a startling jolt. But it didn't make any sense. Elsie had told her they were disowned by Jaron, and that he wanted nothing to do with them again.

The world breathed in quiet anticipation as Ida watched them, debating on the answer. Jaron was cupping Elsie's cheeks and her mother's hands clasped on his wrist. Their foreheads were touching, their eyes closed. Seconds passed with both never moving.

Ida held her breath when Jaron finally opened his eyes.

Green they were. The usual emerald eyes of the Starkes, gleaming like jeweled eyes. But Ida was surprised to see yellow streaks in Jaron's irises that were never there before. It was there only for a moment, the next time Ida blinked; it was gone.

"You look unwell," Jaron said, still holding onto his sister's face. "What's wrong?"

There was endearment in the way Jaron looked at Elsie. Lies, Ida knew. Her uncle was nothing but a snake, covering up his hypocrisy with feigned love.

Elsie averted her gaze away. "It's nothing, brother."

He tucked a strand of Elsie's hair behind her ears. "Come now, sweet sister. If you call me brother, do know that I only desire for you to be happy. Is Shiganshina not to your liking? I've told you before, that place is a rathole and unsuitable for someone of your caliber. You only need to ask if you wish to move somewhere else."

Jaron's finger curled underneath her chin and he raised her eyes. He searched them analytically.

"We hardly see each other apart from our monthly meetings ever since you moved. I'm concerned about you."

Ida furrowed her brows and vigilantly caught onto the words Jaron used.

Monthly meetings?

Then it suddenly came to her. Elsie had always left for two days every month when they moved to Shiganshina, but she explained it as visiting a friend. It was such a piece of subtle information that Ida had never thought otherwise of it.

Ida swallowed tightly. Does this mean that Elsie was traveling to Sina to meet with Jaron all this while? But for what purpose?

Jaron smirked when his sister was silent. "You met him today, didn't you?"

Elsie tensed up in a physical reaction. Only one person could ever elicit such a reaction from her, Ida knew. They were talking about her father.

The realization left her stunned. Erwin and Elsie met? Even after we moved to Shiganshina?

Why was it that not one of her fucking parents told her about this? How much did she not know?

When cornered by her brother, the fear on Elsie's face was profoundly clear. "I…"

"Your guards informed me of what happened. I know the meeting was not planned, the Smith boy just happened to be in Trost, and your carriage had a loose wheel. Is this what's bothering you?"

"It's not that…"

"Money, then?"

Elsie bit her lower lip and her eyes darted elsewhere. "No…"

"Then whatever is it?" Jaron released his hold on her, expressionless. "I must warn you, you're on my last shred of patience, Elsie."

He crossed the large study, a powerful and commanding aura enveloping him. Pouring a glass of wine, Jaron eyed his sister like a hawk and waited for her to fess up what was bothering her. Ida could understand her mother's hesitation, it was obvious that Jaron never liked Erwin.

"Ida…" Elsie's fingers clenched around her dress, "…she found out about Erwin…"

Ida's once calmed body froze like ice, surprised by the contents of the conversation.

What?

Jaron paused mid-way in drinking his wine and stared at her from across the room. His green eyes slowly thinned. As though unnerved from his reaction alone, Elsie descended into a panic. "It was an accident! I didn't mean to tell her! There was a portrait and—"

Jaron raised his hand up to stop her and took a long sip of his wine. The burgundy liquid swirled in the glass as he watched it pensively. He was silent for a long while before he spoke again.

"Well, it wasn't as if we could've kept it from her forever. My niece was always an inquisitive child." His eyes shot back to her, dissecting and penetrating. "But that's not the real problem, is it?"

Elsie hesitated, but she eventually confessed, "She wants to meet with him… I wish for them to meet too, at least once, just for some closure for Ida. I thought it over and I don't want her to think that he… abandoned her..."

The strings on Ida's heart twisted into agonizing knots. All this time, Elsie knew what she was doing—she knew she was leading her on to hate her father. The emotions bearing down on her were overwhelming, but she endured it. She had to listen to everything before her emotions drowned her.

Jaron nodded calmly. "And what did the Smith boy say about this?"

"He…" Elsie paused, "…Erwin shared his sentiments with me today, I didn't tell him where we lived now. But he expressed his wish to meet her too, for our daughter's sake. I rejected him and brushed him off, but..."

The residual anger pumping in Ida's veins ignited with this knowledge. Erwin never abandoned her. Never did. So why? Why the fuck did Elsie prevent them from meeting? She watched the siblings with vigilance, knowing the answer was with them.

Jaron set his wine down on his desk. "If that is what you wish."

Elsie snapped her eyes to him, appearing surprised at his reaction. When she saw Jaron smiling, the anxiety lifted off her shoulders. Hope shone through her relieved expression. "Would you really allow them to meet?"

Jaron chuckled. He walked to her with a handsome smile and held her. "Is that so unbelievable? I've told you before, I desire only to see your smile. I'll give the order right away." Raising his voice, Jaron called for someone, "Anders."

The door opened and Anders entered the office. Ida recalled that he was Jaron's faithful butler. The older man had served in the estate even before she was born. "Sire, you called?"

"Who is the current Commander of the Survey Corps?"

Anders bowed his head slightly. "It's Commander Keith Shadis."

"And Erwin Smith?"

"He recently was promoted to Squad Leader."

Jaron's smile spread across his face. "Fantastic, take some men with my sealed letter to the Survey Corps and fetch my niece from Shiganshina…"

Jaron looked back at his sister when he paused. Elsie smiled back appreciatively. For a moment, the twins smiled at each other, familial love and affection reveling in each other gazes. It was a look that Ida found strange, and a look she was not used to—familial love was the last thing she would use to describe their relationship.

But then, Jaron's eyes turned hard, unforgiving, and his smile morphed into the same sly smirk she remembered.

"...then behead that bastard Smith in front of my niece."

Elsie's smile vanished rapidly. Simultaneously, the color drained from Ida's face as she tried to wrap her head around what Jaron had just said.

"Jaron!" Elsie clung to her brother in desperation. "Please, you can't! You can't kill him!"

Disgust poisoned Jaron's face. "Where is your fucking dignity?!"

It all happened quickly. Jaron shoved Elsie away from him so hard, her mother fell to the floor. As if that wasn't enough, Jaron followed up with a hard kick. Ida's first instinct was to run to her to help Elsie, but she recalled she didn't have a physical body in memories like these.

Rage imploded inside of her. Ida had thought to dig Jaron up from the grave and kill him all over again, but nothing would remedy her wrath.

This…

This was the reason why.

Her lord uncle was powerful back then, Ida knew. A fragile, sheltered woman like Elsie could do nothing against him. Angry tears pricked her eyes and her vision blurred. Fire seared through her soul again.

Red. Red. Red.

All Ida could see was red.

Guilt mixed with wrath pooled in her chest, causing a chip of her sanity to splinter off, but Ida could do nothing but stare, helplessly watching on the scene from the past. Her stubborn mind was eager to find out everything before she allowed her emotions to erupt.

Elsie crawled back to Jaron. "Please—"

"You're a Starke—my lady sister! Do not grovel!"

Elsie covered her mouth and sobbed, still grabbing onto his pants. "Please… you can't—"

"I can't?!" Jaron's voice was shrill with anger. "The Reiss King turns a blind eye to everything in exchange for keeping our mouths shut about the truth of the world! Corruption, deceit, murder—there's nothing I can't get away with!"

Elsie wept harder, but that didn't stop Jaron from raining his wrath on her. Nothing would stop him now—Ida knew when her uncle's temper was riled up, violence would follow shortly.

But Ida only witnessed Jaron's anger directed to the servants, never could she imagine he would bestow the same treatment to Elsie. Regardless of their differences, in a sick twisted way—if only for the image of their house—Ida knew Jaron cared for his twin.

"In addition, I have it on good authority that Erwin Smith had shamelessly seduced my sister." Nothing but disgust adorned his face as Jaron glared at his sister. "Do you know what the King's punishment is for men of his station who trifle with noble ladies?"

Elsie didn't reply. She merely continued sobbing until Jaron's disappointment turned back to anger and then to loathing. "Anders, please reply on behalf of my sister, she seems to have lost her voice."

"I believe it's hanging, Sire," Ander supplied faithfully. His tone was nonchalant, as though the abusive scene had happened often and was nothing to be surprised about.

"The head of the house's choice actually," Jaron's lips morphed into a slow calculating smile, "and I can be quite imaginative."

Jaron bent over and grabbed a fistful of her mother's hair, forcing her to look up at him. "Ah! Brother—please stop—"

"Do you understand now?" Jaron snarled. "You will never speak of this again. And keep Ida away from that imbecile—by whatever means—if you care for their life. I will not repeat myself again. If I find out she ever meets with him, I'll deliver both their corpses to you."

The threat was the breaking point of Elsie's silence.

"Why?" Elsie said calmly, yet her eyes blazed in anger. She had enough of her brother's poisonous instigations. "Their meeting would harm no one! Just once—they deserve it! They are not to blame for my mistakes—"

Jaron didn't even wait for her to finish when he slapped Elsie across her face with determination. She bit her lower lip as she took the insulting slap.

Ida blinked, stunned. Two fat drops of tears rolled down her cheeks. She knew if Elsie hit him back, she could lose something far more important to her.

Elsie could lose Erwin and her.

Huh?

Ida's eyes enlarged when she saw the small billow of steam escaping a wound on Elsie's cheek. Jaron's crest ring had scratched her face during the slap.

"Titan Shifter…" she whispered, horrified. "She's a Titan Shifter…?"

She clasped her agape mouth. Oh God, Elsie was already a Titan Shifter in this timeline.

But if Elsie had such tremendous power, why didn't she fight back?

"Why are you glaring at me, sister?" Jaron said when he saw the rage in her eyes. "Do you want to kill me? Go ahead, transform. Kill your own lord brother with the powers he bestowed on you."

Elsie said nothing but kept her head downcast.

"Here, I'll help."

Suddenly, Jaron retrieved a dagger from the pockets of his jacket and unsheathed it. Without any remorse or hesitation, he grabbed Elsie's face and slowly, as though to draw out the pain more, ran the blade across her cheek. Blood and steam gushed out of the wound as shrill screams resonated in the air. Ida trembled where she stood. Her chest started to rise up and down rapidly as she watched the horrifying scene in front of her.

Transform… Ida begged. She blinked, and a set of tears poured from her eyes. Please, transform... fight back… don't worry about me...

But her pleas would never reach Elsie. This was all in the past. And so, all Ida could do would stand frozen as her mother's screams filtered through the atmosphere.

Pain tormented Elsie's expressions, but even then, she never transformed.

Why…?

Ida never took her eyes off the abusive scene. She needed to sear this memory in her mind; a reminder of what her mother went through. But it was too much. The screams—her mother's screams. They wouldn't stop—they only got louder, more agonizing.

Crushed under the bitter truth of her past, Ida's strength vanished and she crashed to the ground on her knees. Pain spiked through her, the first spark that would inevitably cause her to crumble beyond validation. Ida blinked and blinked, her entire body was numb and paralyzed once she thought of her childhood memories, all her happiness with her mother. All her smiles. It was all tainted now. It was tainted with the truth.

Every ignorant smile of hers… was at the expense of her mother's screams.

When Jaron was satisfied with the torment inflicted, he placed the bloodied dagger below his sister's chin and lifted her tear-stricken face up to meet him.

"You seem to have forgotten, so allow me to refresh your memory, sister. I have King Uri's trust. Should anything happen to me, I have already delivered orders to kill Erwin Smith. Or better yet, if you were ever inclined to foolishly transform, the King would realize that we have a Titan Shifter in our hands…" His lips curled upwards. "Then, he'll massacre our whole family, like how the royal family once did with Ackermans. One whiff of disloyalty and even your precious Ida wouldn't be spared."

Jaron rose to his full height and adjusted his embroidered blue jacket. Then, looked down on his silent sister kneeling in front of him again.

"Remember Elsie, you're a lady of the Starkes," Jaron said frostily. "Your daughter is a Starke. We are Starkes and whatever consequences befall on me, they would go to your daughter too. Family and loyalty is the only thing that matters to us Starkes. You can't run from this, you know why the Walls were erected."

Dazed from pain, Elsie only obediently nodded. There was a moment of contemplative silence before her uncle decided to leave another reminder.

"I've told you this before... the day you selfishly chose to give birth to your daughter and break off your marriage with Rod Reiss, you damned everyone here. You disregarded your duty as a Starke. Mark my words and paint them on a fucking wall if you must. You destroyed my plans to save our race because you decide to keep Ida. Your daughter will be a harbinger of death to everyone in these walls. Should whatever calamity happen in the future, know that it's on you. What were you expecting? That you'll be happy with him and your daughter?" Jaron laughed. "Oh no, sister, no... there is no happy ending here, you made sure of that."

Nothing but a defeated sob escaped Elsie's lips. Satisfied, Jaron stroked her hair and shut his eyes for a long moment as if to collect himself. Then, what Jaron did next sent Ida's skin-crawling: he looked in her direction. It was ludicrous, Ida had already determined they couldn't see her in memories like these. But she felt as though Jaron was staring at her—as if the words he would deliver next were also meant for her.

The strange yellow streaks in his green irises appeared once more, gleaming.

"This… is the price of your sins, Lady Starke."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Bells...

They were ringing.

Broken and dazed out of her mind, Ida's body was slumped on the floor. Her head rested on the side of her mother's bed—one hand holding onto Erwin's hand, another on her mother's diary. The afternoon sun glowed elegantly outside the bedroom window, yet it failed to harmonize with the disarray Ida was feeling.

She didn't know how long she had been out of it, how long she was holding onto her father's hand, but it was cold now, his hand was so cold. The coldness enveloped her and threatened to take her with him. Ida knew the icy stiff touch of corpses, yet she couldn't bring herself to let go.

Fools.

All of them.

Erwin, Elsie, fucking self-righteous loving fools.

Ah, the bells are ringing again...

Soothed by the imaginary sounds, Ida closed her eyes. All she could hear were the bells and it kept her sane. They used to ring throughout Shiganshina whenever the Survey Corps departed and arrived back on their expeditions. Comforted by the sounds, Ida allowed the bells to keep ringing, each loud ring ricocheting off the hollowness of her body—as if they were filling her up and welcoming her home.

"Ida…?"

She didn't open her eyes. Maybe this was something she was hearing too. Erwin perhaps? Had he come to take her with him? She had hoped Elsie would be there too, Ida wanted to meet her—she wanted to apologize. To both of them.

Or maybe, this was all a nightmare...

Except Ida was miserably aware that it wasn't. The pain… the mind-numbing pain was too real and too unbearable to be a dream.

"Ida."

She felt something touch her. Ida didn't respond. She couldn't respond. Then, her body was suddenly forced upright. Ida didn't even try to resist the force. With great difficulty she pried open her eyes; her eyelashes were stuck together with remnants of her tears.

Levi…?

She felt him gather her long hair away from her face and let it drift on off the other side. "I've already searched the house," Levi whispered, "we have to leave. Get up, you can't stay here any longer."

Ida stared dumbly at him—she did not feel, she did not think, she did not process anything. She hadn't been as hysterical, but the guilt was still with her—along with other thoughts that continued to drown her.

Everything in her life… was constantly drowning her.

The bells rang again in the abyss within her.

Ring.

She closed her eyes in a trance. Ida remembered she used to look forward to the bells every single time when she was little.

Because it meant that the Survey Corps was returning home; her father was returning home.

Each ring brought images from a distant past—visions that didn't feel like her own inundated her mind. But they were her own, Ida was certain—her own childhood dreams. In those dreams, she could see Elsie's smile and the interior of their small humble house. Erwin would only return after the bells had rung.

And they would be happy. It was their happy ending that they rightfully deserved. They were finally all home.

But there were no bells now, just mournful silence. There was no family to welcome her back, just the touch of corpses. There was no home to return to, just a set of crumbling four walls in a decimated city.

Erwin wasn't coming back; Elsie was never coming back.

The reality of everything hit in droves, repeatedly at where it hurt most. The pain shredded her aching soul and threatened to take her along to the comfort of the reaper. But what touched Ida's face wasn't the reaper; it wasn't here to bring her to the unattainable past she was stuck in but to the future.

"Ida, look at me."

Strangely enough, her body obeyed. Levi was staring deep into her eyes, a disturbed expression on his face. He was concerned, it seemed.

"Your eyes… what the hell are those yellow marks in your eyes?" Levi frowned, studying her irises. "Did something happen?"

Ida could not find the words to speak. She did not have the energy or the mental processing capability. Ida had always prayed that she would be one of those people who could stand strong and continue on with their lives when tribulations came their way. But as she laid the floor beside Erwin's corpse, Ida couldn't deny she was only strong only to wallow.

Everything was too much for her. She just wanted to stay in her own state of misery.

It hadn't occurred to Ida that Levi had been indirectly wallowing along with her until returned her gaze to him. Without thinking, she reached out and ran her fingers down to his cheek.

He was real, she realized numbly. Levi was beside her, and not an imaginary figment of her dreams. "Why are you here…? The rest..."

"You were taking too long. They are on top of the wall waiting for you. It isn't safe here."

Ida handed him her mother's diary and forced her vocal cords to work. "I found this… it's my mother's diary. Take it and go..."

Levi didn't take it, but his expression darkened. He merely stared at it and then looked back to her face. "I came to take you back."

Back?

She didn't want to go back. She was so tired, she wanted to be in this room. Ida just wanted to hear the bells again—if they stopped ringing then she didn't know what she would do. She had done her duty. She had done her job.

"Leave me."

"Ida—"

"You got what the Survey Corps needed, go."

Levi wasn't listening, he was still trying to get her off the floor. "Stand up."

Ida shook her head, her emotions simmering within her leaking out. As if pained by the fact she had already emotionally distanced herself from him, Levi tried to reach out to her. "Ida—"

And that was when she lost it. Suddenly in Ida rose an uncontrollable fury, a fury that was fuelled by pain and mostly by the roar of grief that was climbing inside of her—Levi didn't understand, it was all too much for her. Rage poisoned her rationale. She shoved him away before she could even process what she had done.

"I said go!" she shrieked, her voice breaking. "Take it and leave me alone!"

Levi's eyes widened in fury. Her stubbornness began to aggravate her patience. "I don't give a fuck about the book right now!" he bellowed out. "I give a fuck about you!"

"No, I can't, I don't deserve—"

His brows creased into a deep frown at her logic. "And you think sitting here in this room would change anything?!"

Ida wasn't unable to see reason in his argument. She was too blinded by her emotions. "I don't want to go back—I can't—you weren't there, you didn't see what the Will of Odina showed me! The reason why Elsie was tormented all her life was because of me! Because of me—because she loved me! Even as a Titan Shifter she couldn't fight back Jaron, because that bastard threatened her using Erwin and me! Elsie couldn't even let Erwin meet me—all these happened because of me… because I was born…"

Ida's own words hit her like a ton of bricks, finally pushing her over the edge she had been trying so hard to hang on. She covered her mouth and started to hyperventilate. She found her vision blurring and realized that it was because her eyes were flooded with tears.

"All this happened because I was brought into this world. My birth destroyed Jaron's plans—my mother was supposed to marry Rod Reiss… but because of me…" She bit her quivering lips. "Jaron changed his plans, he colluded with the enemy—Wall Maria fell… because of me… Erwin and so many had to die… because of me... because I am a Starke..."

"Ida, stop this. Stop saying shit like that." Levi voiced when he saw the state of misery she was falling into. "Wall Maria would've fallen sooner or later, your existence changed nothing."

Ida wasn't listening. It was agonizing to hear the care in his voice. "Erwin… he wanted to meet me, he never abandoned me. Elsie hid everything from me—and that righteous bastard didn't tell me anything either, because he didn't want me to hate my mother, because he thought he deserved my hatred… And so I hated him, I blamed him, I spent years hating him… And now… he's gone." Her heart twisted into knots. "Erwin is gone... he's really gone…"

She pressed her fist into her stomach, moaning in pain. It was like living in a nightmare she couldn't wake up from. Ida could see it all so clearly. All those times where she mercilessly shrugged Erwin off, those cruel words she used to say to him, and sandwiched between those memories, Ida saw the paperwork on her desk for the estate she purchased in Trost for Erwin to retire when he came back, but it was all gone now...

Everything was gone.

The air escaped her and her body collapsed. Levi caught her in his arms as her tears took over. "I didn't need him to be someone extraordinary, I just needed him to be my father… I just needed him to live for me… but he's gone, oh god, he's really gone, and I…"

Levi stroked her hair affectionately. "We'll get through this together. Erwin, he's…."

He trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

"Ida," Levi finally said, his voice breaking faintly when he watched the tears eased out of her eyes. It looked like someone had just stabbed him in the chest. "Erwin would've wanted you to move on. You have to."

As Levi said this, Erwin's face came into her mind, "You should never blame yourself. You shouldn't because you are my daughter that I'm proud of."

"You were born because of a mother's love," Elsie's voice from the distant past cut through her soft sobs that filled the room. "So, take pride in that, and never blame yourself."

But even then, Ida ignored all of it. She ignored her rationale. It was too painful to even remember—too painful to even think about. She didn't want to remember. She wanted to hear the bells—she wanted them to keep ringing.

If they kept ringing, then she wouldn't have to move on. If they kept ringing, then she could still see her parents. If they kept ringing, then… she wouldn't have to confront her pain.

Levi swallowed miserably, going on with great difficulty, "Damn it, Ida. I don't know what else I can say but they are gone—Elsie, Erwin, and everyone else, they are gone. You can't fucking stay here." He pressed his forehead on hers. "I won't let you."

The bells were ringing again, and it was only getting louder.

Ring.

The Survey Corps was returning home.

Her father was returning home—back to Elsie, back to her.

Levi's countenance contorted with desolation when she didn't reply, "Don't. Don't fucking do this to yourself."

He gently peeled away from his chest and cupped her tear-stained face in his forever bloodstained hands. Gentle, gentle, gentle, his hold was so gentle and loving. He looked at her, the pain and guilt were never more prominent in his features.

"Stay with me."

Ache splashed over his face when Levi said that. And for the first time since the eruption of her emotions, Ida saw his pain, and she felt it—and knew how hard it was for him. Levi loved Erwin too, and it was killing him internally to see her this way.

"Ida…" Levi whispered, his voice full of anguish.

I am here—she could read his eyes—don't leave me.

She drew in a shuddering breath, suddenly unable to tear her eyes away from him. Levi never appeared more human to her than at this moment. But with all the power and strength he had in this world, he didn't have enough power to change the past. He didn't have enough power to change the choices that would scar them forever. It was ironic. Their entire relationship was ironic.

But how strange it was—Levi had betrayed her, he had saved Armin instead of Erwin. Though Ida could understand why he did that, she should've felt immeasurable betrayal when she looked at him. She would never forget how Erwin died, and if she could not forget, how could she forgive?

So why?

Why was it that even in the deepest of her sorrows, she felt herself soothed by his voice? Why was it even in anger, she continued to adore him? This pathetic fact alone killed her.

Her heart ached when Ida found herself remembering something else—she remembered the dreams of their shared future, and… of the life growing inside of her. The imaginary heartbeat within her womb thumped erratically.

"I'm not letting you die. Not like this." Levi's face softened when he noticed the pain coursing through her expression. "I won't let you go." They held eye contact. "Damn it, I know—I know that I have no fucking right to ask this of you, to ask anything of you, but I can't leave you here. I won't."

Ida didn't move, she didn't speak, she was too stunned. She had heard the desperation in his voice and the desperation in his hold. Levi was worried about her safety and he was worried about losing her. His presence along with the presence of the life inside of her forced her awareness back.

The bells were still ringing, but they were soft now. Too soft.

And slowly and reluctantly, along with the disappearing rings of the bells that heralded welcomes and departures; of the future and the pasts, Ida made a decision and began to let Erwin go in her heart. He was at peace. He was with Elsie.

And she had to carry on.

Her mouth took over. "Every time the bells rings… I would always look to the front door, praying that my father who was in the Survey Corps was safe—that he was alive, and praying that… he would come back home… back to my mother who loved him, and to me…"

Ida grabbed onto the wrists of his hands that were still holding onto her face—she held fast onto her salvation, her future. Through her blurry vision, Ida looked at Levi and saw the care in her gaze. How could such a man like him have such a tender gaze?

"He's home now, Levi… Erwin has finally come back home…"

Her voice trailed off, and Levi made no effort to pick up the conversation. Words were useless past a certain point.

Instead, Levi jerked her hand and took her into his arms. His heat transferred to her. Warm. Levi was warm unlike the coldness of Erwin's hand. Ida felt him release a shuddering breath, almost as if he was desperately trying to hold back his own chaotic emotions.

"I'm sorry…"

The broken voice was faint, inaudible almost, but Ida had caught it. Levi's genuine remorse elevated those heartfelt words.

Ida didn't reply, but she allowed him to hold onto her. His heartbeat pounded against her like a hammer on a nail, incessantly, painfully, but it reminded her all the same—Levi was still alive. She still had him—as long as she had him... then...

"It's good that you have Levi."

Spurred on by Erwin's voice, hesitantly, Ida felt herself reach out.

"And that you're not alone anymore."

Ida embraced him back.

She could move on. She could forgive. When it was Levi… she could always forgive.

As though grateful for her returned gesture, Levi buried her face into the crown of her red hair and inhaled deeply. And he held her. Levi held her as though she was the most precious treasure he had left... as if he was afraid she was leaving too.

Her vision was fading and Ida knew her body was finally giving up on her. Through her blurring vision, she found herself looking at where Erwin was lying on the bed again.

The bells...

And for the last time, before she carried onto the future with Levi and fainted in his arms, Ida allowed herself to submerge back into the imaginary scene of her unattainable childhood dream.

Warm. The home she was in was cozy, heated from the fire and the bright sun that shone through the windows. She was young again, a child innocent to the cruelty of the world. Elsie was beside her, alive and well. Laughter permeated their home.

And then the bells rang. It would ring louder, and louder, heralding welcomes and departures.

Before finally, at the last thundering ring, the same front door that was always closed opened.

And there he was, finally home. Erwin was standing by the door in his uniform, handsome and gallant. He would smile when he saw her—how beautiful his smile was—and she would run up to him, greeting him with three words.

Three words that Ida never got to say to him.

Three words that Ida wished she could all her life.

"Welcome home, dad."

---

I debated whether to let Erwin live, but as much as it pains me, I decided he had to go for the purpose of the plot to balance the scales. I'll miss writing him. This chapter really hit home for me, not because Erwin is my favorite character but more so for personal reasons. Had to take several breaks to calm myself, so I hope it's okay.

I like how everyone is busy guessing about Odina from the fanart album/names in the reviews. But I won't be answering some of your questions, because it will all be revealed in future chapters. However, I will say that I will cover everything from 1) Origins of Ackermans 2) Ymir/Odina's origins 3) Creation of Titans power 4) Great Titan War 5) Creation of Walls 6) Twins of the Starkes 7) Ida's powers origins/purpose of it 8) Baby-drama with Levida. Of course, it's written from a Starke-centric perspective. I might post the next chapter instead of the Special (4) because I'm almost halfway done with it.

I'm surprised someone caught that Odina is the feminine variation of the Norse God Odin. Kudos to that reviewer! ALSO, IF ANYONE HAS ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR BABY NAMES YOU CAN DROP THEM TOO! xD

Stay safe and I'll see you in the next update! Do leave a review with your thoughts or comments if you want to support my work, it truly does motivate me to carry on! (: