Cat Lady.

Xin was positive that this was considered breaking and entering.

And okay, it was, actually. She was literally breaking into the apartment above her but listen. Listen. She has a perfectly good explanation and no, it's not because she's trying to burglarize the place. She has enough trouble trying to keep her apartment clean with her things, what's she going to do with stolen goods?

Nothing.

It's Ume. Ume, her mischievous black cat that might be a midget with bright blue eyes that were a little unnatural. And usually she finds the cat's mishaps amusing and cute.

Now? Not so much.

"I fuckin' knew you were up to something." Xin watched as Ume scaled her way up to the apartment above her, using the iron railings of their apartment's balconies to get to the unit. A normal person would've just gone upstairs and demanded their dumbass cat back.

Not Xin. Dumbass cat, dumbass owner goes hand in hand.

So she scales the iron railings to go after the little dumbass. She's about halfway up there when she realizes that if she slips up, she's going to end up splattered all over the pavement below her. But she's no quitter, dammit, so she keeps going.

Now, Xin likes to think she's in okay shape but by the time she reaches the balcony, she's out of breath like a motherfucker. She struggles over the railing and tips over, hitting the floor of the balcony like a sack of potatoes. She rolls on to her side, resting her weight on her hip and takes back that mean comment about Tenten being a freakish health nut.

Does this mean she'll start working out? No but the thought remains.

Ume is, oddly enough, waiting for her. Literally. She's sitting in front of the glass doors, which for whatever reason is left open, tail swishing lazily. "Fuck you, Ume. Come here."

She has the nerve, the audacity, to prance her prissy cat butt into the apartment like she owns the place.

"Oh, what the fuck."

Xin rolls onto her hands and knees and just knows she's going to feel this bullshit in the morning. Yoga always seemed like it was a safe bet, maybe she could try yoga. Tenten could fuck off with her complicated ass gym routine though.

The apartment is empty, which again, why were the balcony doors left open if no one was home? Whatever, doesn't matter. What matters is that Ume is going to town on a bowl of cat food in the kitchen.

"Motherfucker, are you stealing from another cat?" Xin hurries over to her gluttonous child but realizes there's no other cats around. Xin, being a cat lady herself, could always tell when someone owns a pet or not. Whoever lives here did not own one.

So why the fuck did they have cat food just sitting out?

"Oh my God, this has been happening frequently, hasn't it? You absolute vagrant. I knew you were getting fatter! I was feeding you the right amount but you've been packing the weight on!"

She snatches her fur baby up with an offended scowl, ignoring the ensuing temper tantrum thrown by said fur baby. It occurs to her then that she doesn't have an exit strategy. She can't very well go back the way she came, not with a squirming cat in her arms. This was not planned well.

She could just…walk out the front door. It's not like anyone's home or—

At that precise moment, someone unlocks the front door.

"Oh, fuck." Panic seizes her and Xin does not do well with panic. So what does she do? She just stands there. Literally, like a goddamn tree. Brilliant.

A big bulky blond comes in first and Xin automatically searches for a weapon. No, she doesn't want to hurt anyone but this guy clearly works out and the element of surprise is immediately out of the window because he notices her immediately. "Uh…"

She scrambles for something, anything and comes up with a simple: "Welcome…welcome home…?"

Okay, yeah that's good.

The blond makes a face. "Aye, man? Did you have company last night or something?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck. There's another one and he's scarier looking than the blond. Literally, dude looks like he's a part of the Yakuza. Jesus Christ, where was the knife block? The second guy is tall and broad and has red hair that reminds her of dried blood out in the sun too long. Oh, he's definitely part of a gang or something. Fuck, she was going to get her ass kicked.

"No?" The redhead eyes her warily. "Call the police."

The police? Wait, they couldn't do that. If her Uncle Fugaku or either one of her cousins showed up to arrest her, she'd never live it down. Her parents would never shut the fuck up about.

"Wait, wait! I can explain, honestly!"

"Bro, how did you even get in here?"

"I…uh…I climbed up the balcony."

"Yeeeeah, I'm calling the police."

"Waaaait!" Xin shifts Ume against her chest and flaps her hand like an agitated bird. Desperate times call for desperate measures, she'd throw Ume at them if she had to. It was all her goddamn fault anyway. "I was just chasing my goddamn cat!"

She grabs Ume with both hands and brandishes her like a weapon, resembling the opening scene of the Lion King when Rafiki holds the lion cub up for all of the animal kingdom to see. For a moment, her mind wanders and she almost starts to sing the Circle of Life.

Wait. Focus. Now wasn't the time for an impromptu Disney sing-along.

Ha, as if. It was always the time.

"Your cat?" The redhead repeats. He doesn't have eyebrows, she notices. She wonders if he shaves them off or if it's a genetic thing. Not the point.

"Yes, my cat! She vanishes sometimes so I followed her to figure out where she was going!"

"I thought she was a stray."

"Told you not to feed that cat, man."

"A stray? How dare you? What stray do you know has a shiny fur coat like this?"

"That's…not even the point. Who the fuck climbs a balcony?"

"Oh, that's where you wanna take this? Who the fuck leaves their balcony doors open? Don't you give a fuck about flies?"

"I leave it cracked for the stray."

"Not a stray!"

The apartment comes to a standstill because this is just…awkward as fuck. Ume mewls irritably before wriggling out of Xin's hold. The little cretin actually goes to the redhead, rubbing affectionately at his legs. Xin gapes at the nerve of it all. "Ooooh, fuckin' traitor. Wait til we get home, you ungrateful gremlin."

Neither men seem impressed and honestly she can't blame them. She broke into their shit for her cat. It's not the worst she's done though.

"Okay. Look. I'm sorry about this but you really shouldn't feed her. She's on a good diet and if she keeps coming here, she's going to get fat. Isn't that right, Porky?" Xin scowls at the cat. "So, I'm just gonna…"

She approaches the redhead like he's a wild animal. He could be, she doesn't know him from a can of paint. He's a lot taller than her and she realizes that he could very easily pick her ass up and toss her over the balcony if he very well pleases. Please, Jesus, don't throw her over the balcony. He doesn't. Thank you, Jesus. So she picks up her spoiled cat with a nervous smile. "I'm just gonna go…we can forget allll about this, yeah? Have a lovely evening!"

"….and that's what happened."

Hinata often likes to think that her sister wasn't a whack-job, she was just a little quirky. She was a bit impulsive but that's not always such a bad thing. Her quick thinking has gotten her ass out of a lot of bullshit so sometimes she lets her slide.

This was not one of those times.

"I'm sorry, how was that reasonable? You said you had a reasonable explanation as to why you committed a crime."

"I had to save my child."

"From what, exactly? Obesity?"

Xin levels her sister with a blank look. "She was gone for hours! I needed to figure out where she was going!"

"So you scale your apartment building and break into your upstairs neighbor's apartment."

"Some bad choices were made but at least now I know."

"Oh my God." Hinata wasn't really sure what to make of her sister sometimes. "You need to apologize, Xin. I get that you wanted to find Ume but that was ridiculous."

"Apologize?! When Hell freezes."

Apparently, Hell was frozen because just two hours later found the Hyuga sisters standing outside of the scary redhead and blond's apartment with a plate of freshly baked cookies. Xin would literally rather be anywhere else in the world but her sister guilts her into this.

The blond answers the door and he just stares down at the two for a long moment. "Oh, God, there's two of them."

Xin was ready to throw down but Hinata pinches her shoulder. "Listen, my sister just wants to apologize for the other day. She made cookies."

"Yes, so please don't threaten to call the cops on me."

The blond must think she's a comedian or something because he chuckles. There was nothing funny about being arrested by your own goddamn uncle. He leans back from the door, looking back into the apartment. "Gaara! C'mere!"

"Gaara?" Xin mutters under her breath to her sister. "The fuck kind of name is that?"

The redhead, Gaara, appears at that very moment, startling her. He eyes the sisters the same way the blond had, wondering what the hell she was doing there and why there was now two of them.

"So you can use a front door."

"Okay, I'm out of here."

Hinata catches her before she could storm off back to her own place. "Now, now. I know the circumstances were a little odd but my sister means well. She baked you some cookies as a truce," Hinata nudged at her elbow.

Xin offers up the plate. "Ah, I don't know what you two like but who doesn't like cookies?"

Only a complete and utter psychopath.

Gaara takes the offer so he's not a psychopath, at least. The tall redhead and short bluenette eye each other for a long moment. "..Thank you."

"Yup."

"Please don't break into my apartment again."

"That's a fair demand."

"And your cat's here."

"For shit's sake!"

Thus begins the very odd friendship of Apartment 666 and Apartment 777. Mostly due to the fact that Ume refuses to stay out of Gaara's fuckin' apartment. But she often finds herself running into Gaara and Naruro now that she's met them.

It wasn't strange for them to bump into one another while getting their mail or doing their laundry or just leaving for work at the same time. It's strange and though Naruto and Gaara think she's a whack-job, there's no denying her fantastic cookies.

"How the hell did you get that scarf around Ume's neck?

See, Ume had a very strange aversion to collars. No matter how many times she tries to get one on the cat, she manages to somehow get it off. Xin gave up after losing about four different collars. Gaara snorts at the question. Xin had been shocked when Ume sauntered in the apartment last night, sporting a blood red bow wrapped snug around her fat ass neck.

Her neck really wasn't fat but Xin was petty.

"I tied it around her neck? That's why she looks like a stray, she doesn't wear a collar."

"Are you criticizing my parenting skills?"

"I'm just sayin'."

Xin huffs irritably, honestly Ume was probably in his apartment at this very moment, lounging around as if she owns the place. Her fuckin' cat was an embarrassment, just out there making it seem like she was an unfit mother.

"This makes us like co-parents or something." She doesn't mean to say it out loud but it's out there. In the air. Festering. She nearly groans at her dumb ass because who says shit like that?

Gaara grunts. "Guess so."

It's kind of funny because they don't know each other all that well. They know basic shit like their names and ages but that's about it. They make assumptions about one another, like how Xin is batshit or if Gaara is really in a gang or not.

He's not, but still.

The point she's trying to make is that she didn't want to sound like a damn dumbass. They don't know each other too well but she may think he's…cute.

"You should…uh…give me your number."

He looks down at her, amused. "I should?"

"Of course! To let me know when she's at your place so I can know when to come get her. I'd rather her not scaling the side of the building if she doesn't have to. She could slip and fall."

"She's a cat, Xin."

"Yes, and she's getting fat."

"I don't like your tone."

"I don't like my cat having to face the problems of child obesity but here we are."

"So, it's my fault?"

"I didn't say that but if the shoe fits.."

Naruto groans loudly from behind them, startling both of them. "For the love of Kermit the Frog, ask her out on a fuckin' date so we can get on with our lives!"

"….Kermit the Frog?"

But he storms by them, vanishing inside of their apartment building. Xin's eyes are big as she blinks after him but Gaara is glaring straight daggers. He was going to kick the shit out of Naruto when he got the chance. He grumbles irritably under his breath but shoves his phone into Xin's face.

It catches her off guard because she'd been agonizing over getting his number the entire day she'd been at work. She nearly burned her hand, she'd been so distracted.

When she hands the device back with her number input, he chuckles dryly. "Was the cat emoji next to your name really necessary?"

"Cat lady," she shrugs.

"Having one cat doesn't make you a cat lady. You have to have a dozen of them and be hopelessly single."

"Well, I'm working on it. Hopelessly single sounds about right though."

But Gaara only grinned wolfishly. "I guess so but not for long."

Nope. Not long at all.

TeeBeMe: a friend of mine has a fat cat named Picasso and he's the cutest thing, I fuckin' love that fluffball. Ume not liking collars is based off of my own gremlin/cat not liking them. I've wasted a lot of money on collars for Nimbus.