Humanity's Strongest Woman

by xDollfie

In every empire, there is an epic era that defies the boundaries of time and immortalized itself in the history books. For mankind, an epic era they will never forget has finally emerged. The war between humanity and Titans has finally come to a head. Love cease to exist in a time like this, but they found it, and promised that it'll be worth it. Every stubborn inch of it [LEVIXOC]

50. Sinner To Be Saints

Thank you 92 is half of 99 and blackbutler415 for giving me your opinion!

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Humanity's Strongest Woman by xDollfie

Chapter 44 — Sinners to be Saints

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Year 842, Starke Estate.

"Uncle, mother will be looking for me. Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

Holding onto her uncle's hand on the patio, thirteen-year-old Ida shivered as her pink dress danced along with the cold wind. The view of the sprawling gardens of the Starke estate filled her vision, rendering her prisoner to its beauty. Though every fiber of her body was urging her to return to the masquerade ball where it was warm, the young Ida was stubborn.

She desperately wanted to talk to her uncle before the evening ended. The servants said Jaron was looking for her—an occurrence that scarcely happened. Weeks ago, her mother told her they were due to move to Shiganshina. Now that the deadline was fast approaching, Ida wanted to find out what the fuss was about. She wanted to understand why they were moving and if this was why Jaron was suddenly looking for her.

Jaron smiled, slowly assuaging her curiosity as he took his eyes off the panoramic view.

"Ida, listen to me. Regardless of everything, you are my niece—my blood." He stared down at her like he would his own daughter. His eyes held twisted adoration for the young girl. As Ida peered up at him with innocent eyes, Jaron went on, pride pouring from his voice, "Because you carry our name… you also carry the world's legacy. I'd like to give you a chance to follow my path and turn yourself into a God."

Ida bunched her brows in confusion. There was so much in Jaron's answer that she didn't understand, the principal one being what he wanted to turn her into.

"God?" she voiced in perplexity. The concept didn't make sense to her.

How could humans become Gods?

Jaron squatted down. When his eyes were completely leveled with hers, he inclined his head towards the world inside his palatial mansion.

At this prompt, Ida followed his gaze as well.

Ballroom music swayed in and out of the seven open windows surrounding the large patio. All around, people were dressed in tuxedos and beautiful dresses. They were dancing along with the ballroom music, looking so regal that she could not help but feel like she was in a castle with royalty rather than at her uncle's birthday party.

To Ida, there were no other groups more regal than the group of people in that very room. Even at that age, she was already aware of the power, influence, and wealth each individual possessed. Even at that young age, she admired them.

"In that room are some of the most powerful people in the Walls," Jaron whispered, sharing in her wonderment. Ida continued to admire the world within the ballroom as he spoke, "But that isn't the whole world… long ago, we rightfully ruled the entire world until we were forced back here by an ideology of a weak man." He turned back to her. "Would it not be amazing to have the whole world kneel before you, Ida?"

Bewilderment overcame her at his odd inquiry. "Why me?"

Something stirred in Jaron's prideful eyes. The stern power that normally inhabited his gaze subdued subtly. It gradually became replaced with an emotion that mirrored sadness.

"Because you are a Starke," he said simply, "because the man that leads us now is leading everyone to their graves, and it is our duty to take his place."

"But they shouldn't kneel before me, uncle. They should kneel before the royal family. We live to serve them, don't we?"

The textbook loyalty her mother instilled in Ida made her uncle's eyes flicker.

"No, Ida, no. Forget what your mother told you, forget everything and listen to me."

He cupped a hand over her right cheek with eagerness. The melancholy in his eyes morphed into resolve.

"You are a Starke, remember this," he gripped her hand with his other hand. That grip alone told her how much strength he possessed. "You are a Starke and you should take pride in it. You will bend to no one, not even to the royal family. And if you follow me to the right path, we will rule over this world one day, and people will be safe and happy under our reign."

Ida was still confused with everything that he was telling her. But because it was the first time Jaron was being so kind to her, she was curious.

"Then how will I become a God?"

At her question, Jaron's once enthusiastic visage faltered slightly. Grim wisdom darkened his features. As this occurred, the skies above were faltering with their tranquillity as well. Soft rumbles disturbed the skies, indicating to those below that a storm was about to commence.

"You will go through one of the most difficult ordeals anyone could only ever dream of going through. You will sacrifice people you don't want to. You will have to lie and betray without batting an eye. There will be days where you will be in so much pain that breathing will feel like a burden rather than a blessing. There will be days where you'll wish you weren't born, where you will pray for death—for an easier way out, but…" Jaron paused, "... but you will be powerful, and that's how you become a God."

Jaron's sharp green eyes grew sterner as his features multiplied in solemnity, "To get into a position of power... some things are unavoidable, Ida."

"Does power truly matter in this world?"

"Of course."

She tilted her head. "And I need power to change the world?"

It was the first time she saw such a sad smile on her uncle's face, "Yes. Only power can grant your wish."

"But… mother told me that—"

"Your mother is weak and selfish, that's why she's leaving," Jaron interrupted. "She is weak like your late grandfather, and like many that came before us. Their weakness made the world as it was today, but we will be different. We can change the world and make it peaceful."

For the first time in her life, Ida felt pure fear slither through her body. Her uncle looked so serious that even if a part of her still didn't believe they could change the world, there was a bigger part that was now apprehensive of that belief.

Jaron caressed her cheek gently, "You don't have to leave with your mother, Ida. You can stay here, beside me as my daughter and heir. I'll train and guide you. You'll take my place in the future. You'll be powerful. And eventually, you'll inherit my will and become a God. Do you not want that?"

Nervously, Ida regarded him, feeling unease with the whole conversation. She didn't quite understand, but there was something that told her she couldn't and shouldn't accept this. Not when it meant she would be apart from Elsie. It was a tempting proposition, but no amount of power or the wellbeing of the world even, mattered to her more than being with the people she loved.

"But I don't want to be the heir," she mumbled. "I don't think… I'd want power."

Jaron appeared taken aback by her reply. "You… don't want power?"

"Power never makes anyone happy," Ida reiterated what Elsie had once said. "Power is a double-edged sword."

"But power can save people, Ida. Do you not want everyone to be safe? Power is power and those that have it can change the world. We have to be sinners to be saints," Jaron contended, a twinge of desperation in his baritones. He wanted to convince her.

He wanted to believe that she was like him.

Suddenly, Jaron grabbed onto her shoulders and stared deep into her eyes, "Tell me, Ida, what is your greatest wish—"

Before he could finish his question, the melodic chiming of midnight emitted from Jaron's clock. The sound drifted from inside the mansion and coursed into their ears. It was soft in sound but powerful enough in decibels to indicate to them that it was time to part ways.

"Sire," Anders came into the patio where they were at. "The Reiss family is leaving and is asking for you. I believe it's pertaining to what you asked of them."

"I think I've taken up too much of your time, Ida," Jaron straightened his black suit after he stood up. "What we spoke about… we'll finish all of that later."

Ida grabbed onto his pants. Her heart skipped a beat when Jaron peered at her in curiosity.

"Uncle, I…" Ida pressed a fist to her chest, unable to look directly at him. Somehow, she felt ashamed, "I… don't know if I want to be in this world you talk about. I don't want to be a God. My greatest wish is… to be happy with the people I love. I want to be with my mother—"

Before she could finish, Jaron snatched his pants away. Ida cowered when she saw his glare. The disgust that inhibited his gaze had her throat closing up.

Eventually, Jaron's eyes thinned when he detected how she was shrinking before him.

A snarled laughter left him, "It seems that the time is not right for you yet." Jaron gritted his teeth and shook his head, "How cursed it must be, the preservation of the most undesired trait for a Starke…"

Fire in his eyes, Jaron stared contemplatively into the decedent ballroom. His voice returned to a smooth tenor while keeping its dark undertone.

"The day will come, my dearest niece. When you will understand that in order to be a saint, you have to be a sinner, the day will come… and when it does, I hope that unlike your mother, you will choose to embrace your destiny."

Ida did not know then how much their lives would change after that night—that her mother would become a Titan Shifter and was living on borrowed time. She had no idea then that the memory of this talk would fade away into her subconscious as the shadows of their cruel world she couldn't escape from took over and plagued her reality.

Jaron was at the patio door when he spoke again.

"Because whatever it is you wished for… in our world, the only way to get what you want is to fight for it."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Present Day.

Two months after the victorious recapture of Wall Maria by the Survey Corps, life had moved on for the people of Paradis, though it wasn't without difficulty. With the truth of the world being made known, the populace was split between three camps: those who notoriously believed it was a conspiracy, the neutral ones who couldn't really care and went about everyday life, and the vehement patriots who believed everything and campaigned for freedom for Paradis.

In between all the conversation were rumors of the reclusive lord of the biggest lands in Sina; the current Lady Starke, more formally revered as a hero from the battle of Shiganshina. It was no surprise to anyone that she, along with Eren Yeager, would be at the center point of discussions.

While some respected her as a savior, there were many who condemned her, believing her responsible for the curse that plagued them all. It didn't help that the new Lady of the Starkes had barricaded herself in her estate in Sina following her retirement from the military. Word on the street was, even the top brass of the military had not seen her since.

But despite the disagreements of opinions, the general consensus heavily supported the Survey Corps. If the people of the Paradis had anything to say about it, the retrieval of Wall Maria not only expanded humanity's territory but represented the hope to fight back against the Titans.

With Premier Darius Zackley ruling in the name of Queen Historia, no one could deny Paradis was starting to flourish after the Survey Corps' successes, both economically and technologically.

This was the reason why, as heroes of Shiganshina made their way to the central government headquarters for the highly anticipated annual military summit, they were met with occasional cheers from the populace.

Everyone knew that this year's annual military summit would be an unforgettable one—it would not only serve to forge communication between the three branches of the military, but the results from the discussion would also determine Paradis's future.

But no one could have looked more bitter to attend than Levi Ackerman, who not only appeared as if he was ready to conquer the world, but in certain vantage points, as he walked behind the new Commander of the Survey Corps, it also appeared as if the Captain was distracted with something else.

Some would dare even say he was upset and troubled over someone.

"If you scowl any harder, no one will dare to approach us." Hanji chastised lightly. They were standing away from Eren and the rest, in the large hall while they waited for the time for the tribunal to commence. "Make my life as Commander easier, will you? I'm nervous too, it's our first time without Erwin."

Levi scowled, "As if I give a shit."

The Commander pursed her lips. The man had become even harder to approach and more irritable since Erwin died and Ida left. He'd been avoiding people as much as he could, only appearing whenever necessary. Hanji was worried about him.

"Well… I need to go talk to Pixis. Commander stuff, you know. You okay alone?"

Levi grunted an acknowledgment and tucked his hands in his jackets. Wordlessly, he steered away into the sea of officers and soldiers until he reached a pillar. The Captain couldn't have looked lonelier as stood behind it, hidden under the shadows. His eyes wandered across the chattering high-ranking military. No one seemed to notice him.

The brief concealment liberated him, for he was lost.

Lost in the memories. Lost in his grief. Lost while his thoughts took over his reality. Levi was on the verge of being completely adrift when he heard voices from two conversing officers. He recognized them as members of upper echelons in the Military Police.

"You heard that too?"

"Of course I did. Cathan and his team were stationed on guard duty for her. But she didn't even allow them into the estate—no, they didn't even see her!" The officer was exasperated. He angrily shook his head, "That man she has guarding her—Seth Fischer was it?—told them they didn't need the protection of MPs since the estate has stone walls unlike the Queen's farm, and that Ida was capable of her own protection."

The other officer shrugged, "Can't argue with that. She is a hero of Shiganshina after all."

A snort of displeasure left the first officer. "I call bullshit. Who knows? Maybe she's not even alive, then we are thoroughly fucked."

"Did Nile say anything?"

The older officer grimaced. "That bastard? No, he didn't. Too busy licking Zackly's ass probably."

"Shh! Don't say that."

"But it's the truth," the officer argued. "If we had a competent Commander, he'd drag that red-haired bitch out of her castle and to his damn summit. She has a bigger role to play in this shit than any of us, so why is she not here?"

"Maybe she's still mourning over the death of her father? I heard how he died. It was brutal." He sighed regretfully. "Honestly, it was a pitiful end for an ingenious man like Erwin."

The older officer scoffed and adjusted his glasses. "That isn't the point, Will. Ida Starke is a protected person—it's our duty to assure her wellbeing and it's her duty to cooperate with us. I say fuck her feelings. And in case you forget, the Queen lost her father too. She still adhered to her duty and reported to us frequently."

He jabbed his comrade in the chest, his voice taking a darker turn, "Mark my words, Will. We have no time. That Devil's descendant or whatever she is called now needs to cough up a damn way to remove this Titan curse from all of us instead of hiding in a castle, and she needs to do it soon."

Levi's eyes narrowed as he watched them leave the vicinity, threading deeper into the sea of browns. He tightened his jaw, furious that he was reminded of his ex-lover. But the contents of the conversation were hardly surprising. Last he heard, even Hanji had trouble meeting Ida.

In fact, if it wasn't for the letters he knew Hanji exchanged with her, Levi too would have thought something had happened to her.

How Ida barricaded herself in her estate was worrying. How long has it been? Two bloody months now? What was she doing?

Unable to come up with an answer, his mood soured. Levi decided that it was best to converge with his Commander to hurry things along.

Hanji best be fucking done talking by now.

He quickly maneuvered his way through the hall, coming across his squad with Queen Historia. Levi had just reached Hanji and the rest of the Commanders when suddenly—

The room slowly collapsed into silence, starting from the entrance of the hall. Gradually, reserved murmurings erupted.

Refusing to crane his neck like everyone else, and at a height disadvantage, Levi looked to the large two-story doors that were held ajar. Curiosity glowed in his reserved eyes. He wondered what the commotion was all about.

The controlled chaotic ambiance taunted the anticipatory air until the sea of officers parted, and the silhouette of the new attendee appeared before him.

Shock filled Levi's gaze when he realized who exactly the new attendee was.

In her dark blue dress, Ida stood out among the sea of brown formal attire. A long white shawl covered her arms, draping to the front of the dress. Shoulders stiff and eyes firm, the extraordinary air that exuded from her was undeniable.

At that moment, Ida couldn't appear to be more like a stranger to him. Seth came up beside her and murmured something to her ear. She gave him a small nod.

And then, she slowly tilted her head.

To him.

Green frigid eyes landed on Levi briefly. His hands fisted by his sides as he watched her with bated breath.

At that frozen moment in time, the world around them receded. All that existed was the emotionless gaze Ida held on him, and the serious gaze Levi held on her.

Then, with tactical deliberation, Ida straightened her stance and walked towards him. But she merely slid past Levi without so much as another glance and went straight for the upper brass behind him.

When this happened, the seriousness in Levi's eyes became replaced with a look of unquestionable desolation. His strained expression and the tense tightening of his jaw conveyed that he had realized that she wasn't the person he knew anymore.

Yet, after swallowing tightly, Levi did not release any sign of emotions, becoming resolute about something. An abrupt coldness teemed in the contents of his eyes. It was evident that just like Ida, he had pushed back his human emotions.

"Ida!" Hanji jovially broke the silence. "Look at you! I didn't know I would see you here!"

"It's been a while," Ida smiled daintily, yet her green eyes were unexpressive. "I hope I'm not too late?"

Nile snorted and crossed his arms. "And here I had heard reports from my men that you were most likely dead."

"I'm happy to see you again, child," Pixis said affectionately, the wrinkles around his eyes becoming more pronounced. "Hmm… you seem to have gained a little weight too."

She didn't reply to the Garrison Commander's off-handed comment. Instead, Ida zeroed in on the person she came to visit—the highest-ranking man in the Walls.

"Premier, thank you for the invitation. I've come to attend the summit. But I was wondering if you could spare me some time before it started, in private?"

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

"Vice-Captain Ida Starke of the Survey Corps. Or would you prefer Lady Starke now?"

The way the words tumbled out of the Premier—nearly mocking and derogatory—riled deep emotions within her. Yet, Ida did not allow a single change to be present in her stony expression. She glanced around the private room that Zackly had led her to.

"Ida would do, sir. There really is no need for formalities, I know how much you detest the nobility and their pomp."

Zackly chuckled and gave her a once-over of her attire. His small eyes scrutinized her cautiously as to measure up her intentions. This made Ida clutch her shawl around her tighter, fearful that he had noticed something. She couldn't read the Premier's stony face to decipher his thoughts.

To her relief, the graying man simply gestured to the side table where two armchairs stood.

"Do take a seat," he said. "Tea?"

"Why not."

As he poured her a cup of tea, Ida felt well out of her element. She had never had a private audience with the man alone before. Maybe it wasn't really a good idea to leave Seth outside the door.

"Thank you," Ida accepted the teacup. "I apologize for my sudden request, I'm sure you're busy."

"Not at all. It's not every day I receive such an invitation from an honored guest." Zackly took the other armchair. "Word is, it's hard to even get a glimpse of you since your retirement."

"Contrary to rumors, I'm still fully devoted to helping humanity."

Zackly laughed. "Really? I was beginning to think otherwise. After all, I can see now that the comfortable life of nobility does suit you."

Ida's eyes thinned. If she didn't know better, she would've thought that he was sincere with his last statement. Placing her teacup down on the saucer, she went straight for the purpose of her visit.

The sooner she got things done here, the better.

"I'll make it quick then. I need a favor from you."

"Hmm. Is this regarding removing the Titan power?"

"Clearly. I wouldn't come to you for a favor otherwise."

Zackly nodded systemically. "The Survey Corps would surely assist you—"

"Not quite," Ida interrupted. "What I need can only be sanctioned by you."

He raised a brow, noting the uncertainty in her eyes. "Oh?

Ida threw her shoulders back and straightened her spine, desperate to shake this unsettling feeling off her chest. She couldn't help but fiddle with the ring on her finger. Eventually, she sighed with resolution.

Enough fussing around. She had made her decision. There was no turning back now.

"About the…" she paused to utilize the right word, "…prisoners that you keep."

The outright mention of his torture chamber did not seem to perturb the Premier at all. Ida fought hard to keep the grimace off her face when Zackly stewed in the silence. Though he kept his expression stoic, it was the way he studied her that conveyed his interest. He was wondering why she had brought his sadistic inclinations up now. It was open knowledge, but everyone, even Ida, had turned a blind eye to it.

It disgusted her when she first heard of it, really. Back when she was a soldier.

Ida hated how corruption and debauchery were still evident among their ranks. Even if the prisoners from the uprising were preventing the advancement of humanity back then, they were still humans.

They were their people.

They didn't deserve to be… used for his pleasure.

But as swift as the thought came, Ida vetoed it forcibly from her brain.

"What about them?" Zackly finally probed, carefully.

"I…"

Fuck. Get a hold of yourself.

Ida sighed gustily, "I need them. I need… live specimens for my experiments."

At long last, a sliver of emotions entered Zackly's eyes. Ida was vaguely surprised at the rare occurrence. She knew he had his full attention now. His lips curled behind his thick gray beard. Long gone was his apathetic façade, now Zackly appeared openly amused.

"You're starting to become more and more like your uncle, Lady Starke."

The knot in Ida's stomach tightened. She was offended, and she wasn't going to let his comment slide, Premier or not.

"My experiments are geared towards understanding the Titan power that runs within us and whether it can be removed scientifically. For that I need to understand what makes us different on a biological level." She bestowed him her sweetest smile, "I can assure you. I am not a delusional psychopath who enjoys torture like my uncle, sir. I only ask what is necessary for me to do my work efficiently."

Perhaps she had sorely underestimated him, but she was quickly reminded that Zackly had a long-standing history of mingling with the past nobility. He could read through her clipped manner of speaking with ease—she was not just referring to Jaron, but him as well.

Zackly regarded her with an equally feigned smile. "You're playing God with people's lives, what's the difference?"

"I'm sure you would know better than I do," Ida had enough with the pretenses and her impatience was showing. "Last I remember, you seem to enjoy playing God too, I heard that it's fun for you."

Zackly laughed good-naturedly at her comment. "That makes both of us."

"Sir, I'm just trying to save humanity—"

As a response to her unpleasant reaction, Zackly leaned forward and locked his fingers together. "The moment you decide you deserve to hold someone else's life in the palm of your hands, you are playing God, and you become no different from me, Ida."

His words of wisdom struck her deeply. Ida steeled herself; gaze unwavering.

"I'm sure it will pain you to part with your precious playthings, sir," Ida steered the conversation back on point. She knew her acidic personality was starting to surface and she could not afford to offend the most high-ranking man within the walls any further, "But will you help me or not?"

He smiled, appearing to contemplate on her true intentions.

"Interesting. I was wondering what you were up to during your disappearance, but you surprised me yet again. Fine, I will deliver the prisoners to you. Though I believe we should call them patients from now on."

Ida closed her eyes momentarily, evidently relieved. There she got what she wanted. This conversation was nearly done. Not that it made her feel any less shitter about herself.

A sadistic smile was projected into his voice when he added his next words, "But I must warn you, I can't say for sure that they'll be in… excellent condition."

She swallowed tightly at his remark and forged on, "I only need a handful. A mixture of both who are Subject of Ymir's and those who are not. You can keep the rest for your pleasure."

"Hm. And this would all be kept between us, I'm assuming?"

Ida could ascertain by the fluctuation of his voice that he was excited.

She nodded. "Of course."

"Excellent."

"But I would also need to form my own Titan Research team," Ida couldn't recognize her own voice. It sounded too mechanical. "I'll need trusted doctors, surgeons, and I want Commander Hanji Zoe to be part of it as well."

"My my," Zackly raised a brow. "Hanji knows about this? Now, that is very surprising to hear. Would she be okay with this?"

Despite the steely exterior Ida was determined to hold, she felt herself flinch involuntarily. She had wanted Hanji on her team for her insights, but she had no plans on… truly divulging what goes on.

Hanji would never agree with this, would she? God forbid Levi discovers this too.

They were different from her.

Too noble. Too righteous. Too… inherently good…

But how long could she keep this from Hanji?

The Premier stroked his beard in thought. "Well… I'd be eager to help you. Support you in whatever you need even. However, I find myself having… doubts."

She understood what he was implying immediately. Forget Hanji or Levi. No one in their right mind would agree with this. The repercussions that would come were inevitable.

Zackly was worried about his standing as the leader of the Walls. She was planning something diabolical, immoral even in the eyes of moral court. There was no justifying her actions. No justifying this sin.

Even… if it was to the benefit of humanity.

"Of course, do not worry, I'll fund the entire expenses myself," Ida assured swiftly. "Even if the public finds out about this, the backlash will fall upon me. The Military will not be held liable."

"You're willing to take the blame for this if word got out?" The glint in Zackly's eyes told her he was intrigued by her proposition.

"Someone has to play the role of the Devil—of the sinner," Ida feigned a dry smile. "And it seems that I am the most fitting for this role now."

Perhaps Zackley had found hilarity in her willingness to be the scapegoat, but his smirk only spread wider.

"You exceeded my expectations, Lady Starke." Behind his glasses, the amusement in his eyes shone. Zackly was looking at her in a new light. "I don't see why I would reject your proposition."

"Wonderful." Ida abruptly rose to her feet. "I will be leaving then. We'll keep in touch."

Unfortunately Zackly didn't share her eagerness to cut short this conversation. "But regardless of our cooperation—and in light of our newfound friendship—I find it necessary to remind you about something, Ida."

As soon as she heard this, Ida felt every nerve of her body stiffen involuntarily.

Zackly appeared to have caught on to this reaction because his voice soon turned cold, "You have made your stance quite clear the last time. And it is not that I doubt your ability to remove the Titan power within us, but we are in delicate times. The Walls are fragile, no longer the strong protection we once thought. Those Walls won't stop Marley from attacking. Not for any longer."

She heard shuffling behind her. He was standing up. Ida couldn't bring herself to look back. It was all she could do to stop herself from punching him. She knew where that old sly prick was going with this conversation.

Ida felt the breath in her lungs when she felt Zackly's looming oppressive presence behind her.

"You are now a target of Marley." Zackly circled to her front, not allowing the slightest of reprieve. "Your twin sister has an evident interest in you too. Ah, what was it again? Her parting words to you? I can't quite remember."

Ida knew he had read through the detailed report of all that happened in Shiganshina. He just wanted her to say it herself.

"You wouldn't forget the contents of such an important report sir," Ida answered tightly. "I'm sure it'll come to you."

He laughed. "Ah yes, I remember now. 'I'll come back for you. We need you'—tell me, is Commander Hanji's recount of that incident true?"

"And if it is?"

"Then, we'd need to secure the Walls' safety. And that is why… I find it necessary to remind you… of the burden you carry."

Ida intertwined her fingers tightly in front of her.

"There must always be a Starke within the Walls," Zackly carried on resolutely. "We have to plan for every scenario."

"And you have a Starke within the Walls."

"Is that confidence why you refused protection from the MPs?"

"I don't see how having incompetent men with little field experience guarding me beneficial. They are more like pests swatting around me."

"Better than nothing I'll say."

"I can protect myself," Ida snapped.

"And if you should get taken away? Killed even?"

Unable to help it, she looked away. But Ida knew there was no point. No matter how much she wanted to look away, to avoid such a conversation of the unforeseeable future, Zackly was making her confront reality.

"I take no delight in coercing anyone," Zackly said, satisfied by her silence. "But if you really do care about the well-being of the Walls, as I hope you do, you'd heed my advice. Allow the MPs to guard you and give the matter of continuing your lineage some serious thought."

Ida inhaled deeply. Fuck, he wasn't going to let her go without an answer was he?

"I understand."

"Excellent." Zackly went to the door to see her off. "I look forward to our new friendship. Good day, Lady Starke"

Pissing bastard.

"Good day, Premier."

When she left the room, the tension inside her ease, making her legs wobble. Seth kept her steady, his eyebrow bunched together in worry. Now, alone with Seth in the corridors, Ida covered her mouth. She had sensed the bile rising in her throat earlier, but she had to hold it back.

"Hey, you good?"

She nodded weakly to him. Truth to God, Ida didn't even know if it was morning sickness, or the vehement disgust she reserved for herself that was making it so unbearable to even remain standing.

"This shawl is annoying me," Ida complained, shifting it away from the front part of her dress. She laid her hand above her small bump that was kept in place with her corset and sighed. "It's stuffy enough in here already, and I have to cover myself with this shit."

"Told ya you should've just sent me here on your behalf," Seth shook his head in disapproval at her stubbornness.

"Sending you is useless. It has to be me."

Seth sighed, "Please tell me you got what you wanted, at least?"

"Everything is going as planned—"

"Ah, Ida!"

Upon hearing the instruction of a third voice, Ida hastened to remove her hands off her bump and covered herself with her shawl again. She whirled around. Pixis was approaching.

He didn't see anything, did he?

"Pixis, it has been awhile."

To her relief, Pixis only smiled warmly, "Is your audience with the Premier finished?"

"Yes. I'm just about to leave for the summit. I believe he will join us soon."

Pixis' wiry form stopped in front of her. His eyes were crinkled as he appraised her, "I am relieved to see you so well, my dear. How very lovely you look. Has it been two months since we met?"

Ida caught the slight whiff of alcohol emanating from Pixis as he spoke. Something which wasn't especially unusual. "Time flies, doesn't it?"

Pixis chuckled heartily. "It does, especially when one keeps themselves in a castle."

She tried hard to not stiffen when he brought the topic up. But Ida was never the best actor. The worries in her mind churned. Did he notice something? But no. Pixis had always had a warm relationship with Erwin. It would only be natural that he would be worried about her.

Still, Ida felt uneasy about his presence.

"And who may this be?" Pixis observed Seth beside her.

"This is Seth Fischer," Ida introduced, grateful he had swayed the conversation elsewhere, "he was part of the Survey Corps once, but now he is part of my household."

Seth dipped his head slightly. "Commander."

Pixis narrowed his eyes at him. For some reason, it seemed to Ida that he was sizing him up. She didn't know why, but it made her nervous. She couldn't read what he was thinking.

"Shall we leave?" Ida tried to end the conversation. "Nile certainly wouldn't be happy if he would have to wait any longer."

"Yes, yes," Pixis waved his hand dismissively. "Nile always did have a foul temper. Impatient one, he is."

"Indeed."

"Though I'm sure that temper is nothing compared to your precious Captain's."

A lump lodged in Ida's throat. Why did she feel as though there was double meaning behind his words? She studied him intently, but his expression did not betray his thoughts, Pixis appeared merely amused.

"Hm. I understand now."

Ida was mystified. "What?"

Before she could ask anymore, Pixis produced a small hip flash and casually took a sip. "Now that you mention it, I must leave now, my dear. I'll see you at the summit."

When the Garrison Commander finally veered down the hallway, Ida felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

"Fuck."

Seth sighed. "What did I tell you? The sooner we get out of here, the better."

Ida could sense his unease. He was worried about her state of mind, especially after being surrounded by so many people from her past.

"Shall we go back now?"

"No. We should attend the summit."

"Why are you forcing yourself?"

Her shoulders tensed up. A physical reaction which she was sure Seth had caught—not that it mattered, Seth was privy to everything she was about to do. Everything she had set out for herself to rebel against her fate.

Another layer of disgust swept over her.

She closed her eyes and breathed, allowing her contained feelings to filter out of her and to oblivion.

Soon enough, a heavy sobriety lulled her mind and heart to stability, and the layer of numbness that she had so desperately needed to keep herself together surrounded her again. Ida could not tell if she was being compelled or not, but the truth of the matter was that she didn't care.

Ida couldn't afford to care.

She had long prepared herself to shoulder this sin on herself. Whatever the cost may be for her, however much it would destroy her, and even if she knew that this would be the start of the damnation of her soul…

This was the card fate had dealt her.

In their cruel world devoid of rhyme reasons, where morality, social norms, or justice made no sense…

In order to protect the people I love…

Her green eyes steeled with resolution. "No. Let's go."

I have to be a sinner to be a saint.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

The conclusion of the summit went as exactly as Hanji had planned. The Garrison units were to thin out the remaining Titans lurking beyond Wall Rose before the Survey Corps embarked on a real expedition beyond Wall Maria once again. The first in five years. If all goes well, they would even set camp out there in the world.

But truth to be told, Levi couldn't be arsed to bother with what went down during the discussions right now. Especially when he spent most of it distracted. It was especially hard not to be distracted when Ida was seated next to Historia among the upper brass.

Levi wondered if she had noticed him throwing glances at her, but it was hard to tell. Throughout the discussions, Ida remained stoic and unmoving. Had it not been for the slight moving of her shoulders, he would not even know she was alive.

As the high-ranking Military populace convened in packs in the halls, conversing among themselves after the important function had ended, Levi finally decided he had enough with the relentless question swirling in his mind.

"Did you know?"

Hanji didn't stop in her walk when he directed the question at her. She kept her mouth defiantly shut and gazed straight ahead. Odd of her to keep fucking quiet, but that was all Levi needed to ascertain that she was aware that Ida would join the summit today.

"I was the one who asked her to come," she confessed a while later. "I requested Zackly to extend her an invitation."

"You fucking what?" Levi grabbed her arm and forced them to a stop.

"You heard the talks—the government is worried about her."

"Why should she give a shit about the fuckings pigs have to say while they are down in their cups?"

"We can't just ignore it, Levi," Hanji said seriously. "The rumors have spread to even the populace. If Ida continues to hole herself up in her castle, refusing every soldier by her door, who knows what the military would do? Her appearance is necessary to quell the suspicion and rumors surrounding her. They need to know she is on Paradis' side."

"Tch." Levi growled. He was vexed that he couldn't find anything to throw back at her. When Ida had retired from the Survey Corps, he had expected that she would be free to do as she pleased. To live as she pleased. Far from the political and military landscape.

Fucking wishful thinking it was.

Suddenly, the sounds of a familiar soft laughter captured his undivided attention. Levi turned to see Ida with Jean and Armin, all smiles and shit.

He couldn't take his eyes off her again.

Fuck, she was so beautiful. More so since he hadn't seen her in months. Her red hair was swept up in a low bun, revealing her youthful cheeks, her neck, her collarbone—all the spots he'd once laid claimed with his lips. And for a brief second, Levi almost forgot his resolve, forget the decision he'd made when she left.

She was better off without him.

"Ida! I was looking for you!" Hanji suddenly called for her. Before he could even get a word in, the Commander started her way to her, leaving him behind.

Ida smiled at the approaching woman. The two started conversing. About what? Levi couldn't give two shits right now. But if he didn't know better, he was sure Ida noticed him.

There was an annoying ache in his chest as he watched her.

Was this what it was going to be like forever? He already couldn't fucking get away from the memories.

"For fuck's sake," he cursed under his breath.

He wrestled with the little internal voice which was telling him that this was his fucking job when he begrudgingly moved his feet.

Towards her.

Levi came to a standstill beside Hanji. He tried to keep his face rigid as the two women talked, but he still became very aware of the memory of their past and of their faded future—the way she tasted, smelt, and felt. His eyes dropped to the shawl that Ida had wrapped around her and saw that she had wrapped it tighter around her when he did this. An uncontrollable physical reaction to his appearance probably.

Was she hoping he'd avoid her?

The white fabric suffocated her frame. A frown veiled his face. Why in the three Walls was she wearing that? It was near the end of winter. Levi reckoned it was colder in Sina.

"Oh. Before I forget, here." Hanji reached into her jacket for a letter that was sealed with a red wax stamp.

"What's this?"

"You should read it when you get back."

Ida examined the letter curiously. "Alright."

She suddenly looked at him. "Captain," she bit out, nodding her head a fraction.

"Starke." His reply was equally formal, awkward and stiff. Well, wasn't this going to be fucking fun?

"I hope you have been well."

He met her gaze when she said this, desperate to convince both himself and her that, despite how they parted last, he was completely fine with the situation. He hoped to the damn Walls he could manage to project some aloofness.

Though their short exchange riled deep emotions within him, Ida didn't seem peeved by it. She merely looked back at Hanji and said, "I should get going, it's a long way back to my estate."

"Oh right. I'll see you then." Hanji nodded and left. "Take care, Ida."

"Stay safe," Ida whispered cordially back to Hanji, acknowledging her existence and not his.

Levi didn't know what got into him. The sight of Ida leaving maybe. Or pure idiocy. But before he could even control himself, he reached out.

"Wait."

It was almost second nature to him—to grab her arm, to hold her onto her. It was too late when Levi realized his stupid mistake. Ida visibly stiffened. And Levi knew at that moment, she couldn't find it in herself to look back at him.

He cursed his lack of self-control. It was pathetic. Why the fuck was this so fucking hard? He had gotten over it.

But… her frosty exterior today really had broken him. His head twitched to shake away the thought.

Asshole.

What the hell had he been thinking?

"Please let me go."

There was a coldness in Ida's voice that stabbed him. Finally, she turned to look at him properly, and her green eyes were ablaze. "Let me go."

Shit, it did things to him when she looked at him like that. She was the only person who'd been his subordinate and yet was still unafraid of him or dared to defy him.

He hoped his face wouldn't betray him, and his fingers would stay steady. Levi released her.

Putting some distance between them, Ida adjusted her shawl. "I know this is as uncomfortable for you as it is for me, so what is it? Make it quick."

Levi couldn't fight the grimace. Damn her. She was turning into as much of an asshole as him. He was surprised at how much it hurt to hear her talk that way to him. As if they were strangers.

Although like hell he'd ever admit any of this to anyone.

He kept his voice steady. "As soon as the preparations are ready, I'll be leaving for Shiganshina."

Ida raised a thin eyebrow. "Just you?"

She wasn't aware of this? Leave it four-eyes not to tell her.

"Some others too. New recruits. Jean. Connie. Mikasa."

Ida frowned but didn't offer a reply. She appeared to be thinking of something. Probably why he was going there when the Titans are still not cleared from Wall Maria.

Levi daren't look at her again when he enlightened her unsaid question, "To take back the bodies. A funeral will be held."

Another silent response from her. Yet, Levi knew Ida understood what he was saying. Erwin would be among the bodies collected. Her father would finally get the proper burial that he deserved.

"Thank you for telling me," came Ida's clipped voice. "I appreciate it."

He gathered himself up and faced her again. He hoped to fuck he was managing to keep his expression neutral. But that was the thing about them—something that never changed. One look, and he knew she could see through him. Deep down, they were both still broken over Erwin's death.

She bestowed him a small wry smile.

"Come back…" Ida stopped herself short. She seemed to wrestle if she wanted to finish her sentence, which she eventually did, "Come back alive, Captain."

Same words.

His heart ached. It felt like he had just been bludgeoned.

Shit. Why the hell was this so hard?

She smiled again, yet it didn't reach her eyes. "I'll get going now."

Without so much as another word, Ida hastily left, signaling the end of their short exchange. Levi kept his eyes trained on her back. It was all he could do to keep his arms pinned to the side. All he could do, to prevent himself from not reaching out to grab her waist.

To pull her to him so that he could kiss away all the hurt.

All the hurt that he knew they were both fucking feeling.

But he had already decided.

And she would appreciate this, for not even attempting to hold her back now.

It was necessary in the long run.

Levi had gone over it so many times in his head since Ida had left the Survey Corps. But no matter how he looked at it, he just couldn't see a way that he'd be able to make her happy in the long run. He couldn't see a way to devote himself to his duty and her.

He was doing the right thing. She was miserable with him.

Chances were… he wasn't going to make it through the next fucking war. He was getting old, after all. Chances were… Ida would never forgive him for what he did, for choosing his duty over her. Chances were… this was their end, and Ida would never look back.

He had lost her. And he had to accept it.

His eyes narrowed when they met a familiar pair of blue.

Seth Fischer.

Well, didn't he look fucking well? Living a nice, peaceful life in Sina alongside her? Levi tried to pretend that he hadn't noticed, offering no acknowledgement to the bastard's small head tilt of greeting.

Seth placed a hand on Ida's back to guide her out of the hall.

Levi gritted his teeth and forced himself to look away from the position he had given up.

He was doing the right thing, he reminded himself again.

Regardless, he'd be damned if he saw a single shitty hair on her head harmed.

That he could promise.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

The shawl hit Seth's face immediately after the carriage door closed behind them. It slid off his face and he caught onto it. Ida had none of the poise and grace she had shown earlier at the summit now.

"Damn it." Ida gritted out angrily, already undoing her intricate updo. She raked her fingers through her newly released red hair. "I thought I was going to die back there! Ugh, I think I'm about to be sick."

She sank back onto the cushioned seats and sighed. But it wasn't comfortable enough, the corset she was wearing was digging into her ribcage. Muttering a curse, Ida propped up legs on the seats, not caring if it was the least lady-like thing to do so. She sighed again, relieved at her new shift of position.

Finally,

Stupid dresses. As pretty as they were, Ida wondered how her mother used to walk in them. It was uncomfortable, much less for a pregnant woman.

Her golden sigil ring glinted in the sunlight as her hand rested on top of her slightly swollen belly. Ida scowled. Was her attire too much?

"Fuck this."

"Might want to lay down on the cursing," Seth advised good-naturedly. "The baby might hear."

She hurled a glare his way. "Why don't you wear this dress then? We can exchange."

Seth smirked mischievously, "You know, if you wanted to see me naked, you could've just asked."

"And if you wanted to walk all the way back home, you could've just fucking asked."

"Hey, hey," Seth lifted his hands up to surrender. He knew that it was a bad joke and he didn't want to push her buttons. The last time he did, she kicked him out of her office. "Hormones, I get it. But it can't be helped, yeah? Your bump isn't that obvious now, but we can't take our chances."

Ida groaned and banged her head to the glass window. The Walls help her.

Seth nodded to the opened letter by her side. "So what did Hanji give you?"

Ida grimaced at the mention of the letter, hating to even bother with it. She had read it earlier while waiting for her carriage and the contents annoyed her. No wonder that damn glasses told her to read it later. She was too smart for her own good.

"I'll need another stupid dress," Ida grumbled. "One with probably a bigger skirt this time."

"Oh?"

"It's the Queen's birthday banquet."

"Historia's?" Seth reached out to take the letter from her. "When?"

"In a month. The military and all the other important shits are invited."

"The nobility too?" Seth seemed surprised. He rubbed his chin, considering their options. "Mhmm, Hanji did say that it's best you show yourself in public while you're still not showing so much…"

She huffed. "They can try me."

"I wouldn't recommend that," Seth studied the letter. "Thanks to your seclusion, many people think you want no part in helping to remove the Titan curse already. If you continue to hide, that suspicion would skyrocket well beyond Hanji's control."

"Nonsense, she can still control it."

"Not for much longer. We can't disregard Hanji's warning. What if they really did confiscate your assets like what they did with the previous nobility to control you?"

Her brows furrowed together. Ida hated that she couldn't even argue with Hanji's logical reasoning. Given her way, she would've stayed well at the estate. But she guessed she should appreciate Hanji's help, even if it was behind the scenes.

Ida sighed. Pissing politics. She was beginning to feel tired. But then the carriage hit another uneven patch of road and her head jostled against the window.

"Damn shitty Trost roads."

"We'll be home soon," Seth said as if he is consoling a child. "You sure you want to go, though?"

She glared. "I thought you wanted me to go?"

"Well, it's just that…" Seth shrugged. The next words left him quickly as if he wanted to get it over and done with, "He will be there you know?"

Ida had none of her acidic personality to fight against that—to even deny she'd be okay. She couldn't even pretend that she wasn't bothered, for she knew she was broken.

Levi's gray eyes had haunted her all the way throughout the summit and even now. And there was this voice. This nagging, incessant voice that whispered up to her spine and breathed in her ear.

She was making the wrong choice. She still loved him.

What if the alternative really was better than the lonely path she'd put herself on?

She wondered whether Levi cared about her still. Ida wondered what he thought about when he first laid eyes on her after months. Did he miss her? Yearn for her?

But no, she really shouldn't give a shit about that now, should she?

She was the one who destroyed everything. She was the one who walked out on him, despite their promises that it would be worth it all. To even wonder that was self-contradicting and hypocritical.

Ida smirked self-deprecatingly to herself. Count it on fate. Every time she came close to wanting something, to happiness even, fate ripped her to shreds and laughed in her face.

No.

None of it should matter.

She had a destiny to rebel against. A child's future to protect. That was all that mattered. She needed to push any other thoughts and feelings. She didn't have any tears left.

It was so fucking hard though.

Now that her rest was interrupted, Ida extended out her hand. "Give me the documents. I'll go through them."

Seth did not budge from his seat. "Now? You've been looking at them for the past months, Ida."

"We are running out of time. Hand it over."

He sighed before he eventually took the stack of documents from his bag and passed them to her. Ida looked through all the information on hand—all official documents and tax-related accounts of the past five years when her uncle was still reigning as Head of the Starkes.

She had tasked Kelson and Seth to gather all the information. The Military had already investigated the Starkes during the uprising, but Ida decided she had to look again to be sure. There had to be something—a clue of sorts, something they possibly missed out on. She couldn't leave any stone unturned.

It was Jaron's insane wealth from investments and land that made him powerful. And Ida knew that when money was involved, there would always be a trial. Someway to connect back.

Ida was desperate for a silver lining of hope. Over the past two months, she had gotten visions. But they were fleeting and useless. Irrelevant information that did nothing to help her cause. There was still so much she didn't know about the Starkes.

Most importantly, she still did not know how to remove the Titan's power from the Subjects of Ymir's.

And now… her connection with Odina and the paths had faded.

It had been weeks since she had gotten her last vision. Conventional methods are all that she could rely on now.

Transfers to various investors, household expenses, and probably bribery money to the various military men he supported. It's the same shitty thing.

Ida sighed ruefully. Her fingers grazed the paper, hopeful for a blast of inspiration from the mere touch.

A grimace of disappointment followed when none came.

"Remind me again what we are looking for?" Seth skimmed through the papers with her half-heartedly. He was less optimistic than her. They had looked through it countless times before. Clearly, Seth knew that this mystery would not be an easy one to solve.

"Anything suspicious. Jaron was making the Titan serums for Rod—that means he was producing it within the Walls. Money is needed for a secret operation like that."

"We've investigated every single transfer made to other nobles, government, and military personnel already. Every one of the damn circus, Ida. And in case you've forgotten, the Military did too. It's clean. Even if it wasn't, all those involved are all locked up, refusing to say a thing or rotting in their graves. If you ask me, Jaron destroyed every trial."

"Well thankfully, I didn't ask for your opinion, did I?"

"It's useless," Seth miserably declared. "We're wasting our time."

"You can stop looking if you want."

He shook his head, exasperated. "I've never seen a more hard-working pregnant woman like you."

"And why do you think that's the case, Fischer?" Ida couldn't help but bite back. Seth was behaving too naturally with her—he should be reminded of his betrayal. He should be reminded that she still hadn't forgiven him, nor had she forgotten.

He should be reminded that the reason why she was in this plight right now was because of the secrets he kept from her—even if he thought it was for her own good.

When she saw Seth avert his gaze in guilt, Ida dropped her glare. "You seem to have forgotten our shitty situation, so I'll repeat myself again. I need to study the Titan's power within us, and now that two months have passed and I'm unlikely to get any more visions, so we only have two options left. The first is to find out what makes us biologically different from them."

Seth blew out an uncomfortable breath. "Is that even possible?"

"Of course there is," Ida confirmed. "Grisha said it—Marley can tell us apart with something called a blood test even though we don't look any different, this proves there's a way to do it scientifically. And I've just settled a route for us to explore that with my new agreement with Zackly regarding the prisoners."

"And the second way?"

Ida slapped her paper, "Investigate the Titan serum—the thing that makes us into Titans."

Seth sighed, fingers on his temples as if he had a headache. "Fine. I'll tell you if I remember any names again then. Who knows? Maybe you'll realize something new."

As they investigated the tax documents, a contemplative silence dwelled upon them. Nothing could be heard but the noisy rattling of the carriage. Ida was starting to give up on her quest for the day when Seth offhandedly muttered something.

"Stupid."

She looked up. "What?"

"Nothing." Seth rested his head on the glass windows. "Just that, Jaron really did spend a heck ton of money on weapons, huh? I know he had his own private soldiers, but still." He snorted and a lopsided grimace twisted his lips." Makes me wonder… with the number of weapons he procured, it's as good as raising an army. How stupid was the previous King not to see this? Isn't he at least a little paranoid, having an ambitious prick like Jaron wield so much military power?"

Ida's eyes slowly expanded as she absorbed his words. Her surprised gaze chartered back to him.

"Repeat what you said," she demanded, snatching the document he was holding.

"Jaron spent a heck ton of money on weapons—"

"Not that."

"That the King was stupid?"

"He wasn't," Ida whispered, the light of realization shining in her green eyes. "Rod was dumb, yes, but he wasn't that dumb. The royal family could get rid of Jaron at any given time… That's why Jaron was always wary and careful not to incur the royal family's suspicion..."

Ida rummaged through her memory to recall all her visions of Jaron in it—all the conversations between Jaron and Kelson that Seth was not privy to. Her eyes snagged on the figure on the paper. Jaron had often made transfers to a certain blacksmith shop in Sina. Officially on paper, they were the ones who produced weapons for the Starke's family private guards.

Year 845. Ida read the date of the tax document.

The figure transferred was astronomical this year, and it only increased as the years passed. It was such a small detail. Ida hadn't thought much of it. She knew a paranoid fuck like Jaron always surrounded himself with guards.

But now that Seth had brought it up…

"The Royal family lost the Founder back in 845," she said, formulating her thoughts together. "And when a dog is down without any fangs…"

Seth didn't miss a beat. He sat up straighter as he grasped the complexity of her train of thoughts, "All the more they would be wary of their surroundings." A full smile lit his face, ready to be enlightened by her, "Rod would be watching Jaron. Then, there's a chance he saw the amount, but he didn't say anything?"

"It's either the bastard Jaron found his way to weasel out an explanation or…" Her heart thumped in exhilaration. "Or the King knew what the money was for… something that only both of them knew."

Ida bestowed a firm look when it all became crystal clear to her, "Not a word to Hanji or any of the Military shits about this yet. Did you get Ed to find the men needed already?"

He took the document from her. "Last I heard, Ed and his cronies in the Underground City found a few decent ones."

"The servants he found for me weren't too bad," Ida gestured with her chin to document. "But first, I need you to investigate the owner of this blacksmith's shop. I want to know everything about him."

Seth's eyes swelled up at this simple, yet eye-opening instruction. "You think he knows something?"

"The Titan serums are made of spinal fluids," Ida smirked in concurrence. "Hanji tried to replicate it but failed. Her guess was that they were made by technology or machinery the public didn't possess."

"And what does that have to do with anything?"

"Damn it, the old bastard is smart," Ida laughed in awe. "Don't you get it? Machinery requires metal and expert knowledge on how to forge them."

It didn't take long for Seth to get swept up in the enlightenment. He clutched the paper in a grip as gravity in his voice throbbed. "A blacksmith… can easily be a technician, huh?"

Ida nodded, arrogance beaming from her small stature.

"This Adam Legen is suspicious. Time to get working, Fischer, it seems we found our lead."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

A week after the summit, Ida found herself standing outside a small shophouse located in one of the busiest streets of the Capitol. She was grateful that she had chosen to wear a heavy cloak over her simple outfit of a white shirt and black pants. Though winter had passed, Sina's night air was still unforgiving.

The sound of metal being hammered filtered through the air, sharp and shrill.

Her green eyes charted across the signboard before her.

And to think that it was hidden right beneath the government's noses…

With a heavy exhalation, Ida pushed the swinging doors and stepped in.

The middle-aged man was by the large furnace oven, engrossed in his trade. Even from the doorway, Ida could feel the heat from the fire. The heavy smell of iron tickled her nostrils.

"Oh dear me!" The man gasped when he sensed someone behind him. He placed his hammer down and quickly patted his hands on his dirty apron. "Customer! I do apologize, I didn't hear you—"

She gazed up at him guardedly. As anticipated, the color from this tan skin rapidly drained once he saw her. It looked like he had seen a ghost. Ida smirked. This reaction was all that she needed to discern that he recognized her identity. He was familiar with the standard traits of a Starke, and Ida had a good feeling why.

"Adam Legen, am I right?" Ida said with a smooth tenor. "I believe the introductions are unnecessary."

She sensed Seth enter the shop shortly after him. The sounds of the rifle he was holding rattled in her ears. Yet, never once did Adam's worried gaze leave her.

"Lady Starke." Seemingly afraid that a direct line of sight with Ida would merit him an early grave, his gaze was lowered the entire time as he spoke to her, "My… to think that I would have someone like you come to—"

"Drop the act."

Adam flinched at the frost in her voice. Feeding on this reaction, Ida smiled coyly, "I think you know why I am here."

"If you're looking for weapons—"

Ida interrupted him. She didn't want to listen. It was pathetic. He should've known she had seen through him the moment he saw her. "I heard that you had an amicable relationship with my late uncle, Mr. Legen."

Adam straightened like a cobra of attack. "Lord Jaron used to procure weapons—"

"Weapons?"

The blacksmith seemed to have frozen all over at that probable inquiry. A look of doom cloaked his pale face.

Ida shook her head and chuckled mirthlessly. He was still sticking with that story? Maybe he wasn't so smart as she made him out to be in her head.

Seth dragged a chair next to her. "Here. We'll be here for a while."

Ida settled into the chair. She crossed her legs, never once taking her eyes off Adam. She had hoped that he would've dropped the act by now.

"Lost your tongue, sir?"

"I…"

"Alright, I'll cut to the chase. Mr. Legen." Ida took the papers from Seth and began to read it out loud, "You used to be a craftsman and technician for the Military. You were the protégé of Angel Aaltonen—the developer who invented the 3DMG. But despite impressive resume, fifteen years ago you retired and opened your own shop in the Capital."

As she narrated out the details of the background check, Adam slowly backed away, each step nearer to the furnace burning behind him. Her acute senses perked up, alertness engulfing her.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Ida looked up. Adam's fingers were etched towards the hammer—for a weapon. They were now stopped mid-air after that warning.

Good. The man had some sense at least.

"Mr. Legen," Ida sighed and handed the papers back to Seth. Her fingers fiddled with the large sigil ring of her family as she spoke, "I'm sure you can attest, we Starkes are not the most patient of people. You see, I very much prefer to stay in my manor."

Lifting her head, she stared at Adam. Her eyes thinned as she took in the insipid pallor of his face. He was terrified, shaking in his boots. He shook his head, not wanting to believe that the impossible had happened. Yet as a gleam of comprehension penetrated his bewildered eyes, she knew that he understood.

She had come here to confront him, knowing everything about his relationship with Jaron.

"I'd like to think you are a smart man." The edges of her lips curled upwards as the severity of her voice deepened, "And I'm certain you've read the newspapers several months back. Devil on Earth, the Starkes, the world beyond existing… so many things to process, no? I find it hard to keep up frankly. But times are changing. Especially after the prosecution during the coup."

Ida smiled approvingly when she saw his jaw ticked. Adam had caught onto her underlying threat. The nervousness within his eyes became more apparent the longer he stared at her. He knew what the final portion of this conversation would entail.

"Of course, I'd be inclined to negotiate with the government for amnesty if you happened to be involved in the matter of treason by assisting Jaron Starke. But…. before that, I believe it's to the benefit of humanity, and to you especially, that you be honest with me."

Adam trembled at this disclosure. The grimness of his expression overshadowed any doubt he might have. He knew she was serious. "What… is it that you want?"

Ida laughed, satisfied with his answer. "Not to worry, I will make it simple for you, Mr. Legen."

As Ida said this, Seth cocked his rifle and took aim.

Enough with the pleasantries and veiled threats, it was time she got down to business.

"Tell me what you did for Jaron Starke. Or so the Walls help me—I will make you regret it."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Lenses perched on the bridge of a nose flashed in the lamplight. Nothing could be heard but the loud crickets that surrounded the forest of the HQs. Hanji traced her inky fingers on the letter that was recently delivered from the Starke Estate. From Ida herself.

She slapped a hand to her forehead, still in disbelief over its contents.

There was no way, right? Ida would never.

The entire idea was baffling and immoral. The Ida she knew would've never allowed this.

She rubbed her eye socket beneath the eye patch. Maybe she was just tired, it was late at night. Hanji fixed her eye back on Ida's cursive, neat handwriting. She had to read again to be sure. There had to be something she was missing.

Commander,

I hope this letter finds you well.

Her eyebrows bunched together involuntarily. Hanji knew that whenever Ida referred to her by her formal title, she was deadly serious.

I'm writing to inform you of some recent developments that have been made. The premier has been informed so there's no need to update him again. Rather than finding out through other means, I wanted to personally be the one to tell you.

Ida went ahead and contacted Zackly? And she managed to get him aboard with her plans?

A brew of anxiousness surged through her chest. She had advised Ida that she needed to maintain a good relationship with the government, lest they revoke her status, but she didn't expect that Ida would act before informing her.

It was troubling to think of someone like Zackly backing her.

As we suspected Adam Legan was responsible for the creation of the machinery used to make Titan serums. He is now formally put under my sole custody. Adam had destroyed the blueprints during the coup to cover his tracks, but he claims he could still try to replicate it by memory. Problem is, Jaron had only procured the parts from him and the machinery was assembled elsewhere, so he doesn't know how the machinery looks like, how each part fits, nor how to operate it.

I'm working on it, and if necessary I'd ask for your input and guidance in this matter.

Necessary?

Hanji vigilantly caught onto the word. Why was Ida speaking as though she wouldn't be on board with the experiments and discussion unless absolutely required? For such an important matter, it was only right that she'd be involved in the discussions.

Unless… Ida didn't want the Survey Corps involvement?

But why?

Hanji bit her lip, unable to reach an answer. She was informed of the blacksmith's existence by a prior letter from Ida, but she hadn't expected that Adam would be placed under her custody instead of the Survey Corps. Clearly, Zackly got his grimy hands involved—

Wait.

"No…" Hanji breathed in realization.

Ida was moving with the Premier's support now?

Hanji rubbed her temples; she wasn't sure how she felt about all of this. To think that all this time, they had missed something so crucial—this doesn't look good on the Survey Corps.

She tapped her finger on her desk, eyebrows furrowed.

But this was good news either way—for humanity that is. They were moving a step. Even with the setbacks, they had found someone with prior knowledge of the Titan's machinery. With the help of scientists and technicians perhaps…

The Walls could produce their own Titan serum as well.

Usually, this prospect would excite her. If Hanji wasn't so disturbed by the conclusion of the letter, she was sure she would've barreled over to Levi's office, shouting at the top of her lungs. The production of serums meant they would be able to understand Titans better.

The problem was the last paragraph of Ida's letter shocked her.

Hanji sighed heavily and cast aside the letter. She didn't need to read it anymore. Twice she did. It was the same thing.

What in all the Walls was Ida thinking? This wasn't like her. Worse was to think Ida had the Premier's go-ahead. Any decision Hanji would try to make would be overruled by him.

Smile with her enemy in power, to gain power...

An unsolicited chill crept down her spine as she saw the stamp that Ida had signed off with to verify her identity—the crest imprint that only the Head of the Starkes used.

A wild thought crossed her mind.

Did Ida do this intentionally? Maybe she went to Zackly first before her because she anticipated she would be against this? It was absurd, but she couldn't deny that Ida was versed in the hierarchy of the military and political landscape.

She sighed again and vetoed her suspicion. No, that wasn't possible. She refused to think otherwise of it. But the truth was, she was troubled. She couldn't read Ida any longer. Hanji knew Ida was desperate to find the way to remove the Titan power—she was desperate because her success meant the safety of her child.

Her heart tripped over itself. Mulling over her next step, Hanji rose from her seat and left her office. Maybe some fresh air might help unclog her brain.

As she stepped out of her office, Hanji debated if she should tell Levi about this. He knew her better than she did, surely. Perhaps some insight would be beneficial.

But what would she gain from that? That he could convince her? No.

What would be her next step as the Commander? There was no denying the logic in Ida's decision—no denying that it would benefit humanity. Rationally, this was the right thing to do. They were no stranger to impossible choices like these.

What would Erwin do when faced with this moral dilemma? Or Mobilt?

Admittedly, Hanji had felt herself waver a little since Erwin and Mobilt died. It had made her realized how much she had relied on them. Continuing without them hadn't been easy, but she kept pushing on for her comrades.

Hanji sighed again, pushing back her glasses with a finger. So tired she was. Either way, she knew why Ida told her this. She wanted her to be the one to break the news.

With all said and done, they were still once comrades. Ida still cared about them.

"Ah, Mikasa."

Mikasa was wiping off her sweat when Hanji approached her in the training fields. It was past curfew, but that didn't stop the girl from getting in some exercise.

"Commander?" Mikasa appeared worried. "Is there anything I can help you?"

"Where's Connie?"

Mikasa raised a brow, lips slightly parted in surprise. "I think he's already asleep in his dorm. Do you need me to get him for you?"

"If you can," Hanji said. "No actually, wait."

"Uhm, okay." Mikasa held her arm and tilted her head, waiting for her to speak again.

Her eye darkened behind her lenses. "On second thought, it's late. Let him sleep. But tell him first thing tomorrow to come and see me in my office."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

She wanted to throw up.

Ida didn't want to hold the apprehension in. During the entire journey to Ragako Village, she wanted to pull over her carriage and relieve her stomach of the sharp anxiety. Her head spun, yet she controlled herself—face impassive, heartbeat stable.

Ida never felt more uncomfortable when she arrived at the abandoned village. Others had arrived earlier; MPs touting guns, doctors who volunteered, and even scientists or so she heard. She was vaguely impressed by the efficiency of Zackly. Give it to the most powerful man within Paradis to assemble his lackeys in just under a week.

As the raucous crowd brought the village to life once again, Ida stood frozen in front of Mrs. Springer's underdeveloped Titan.

The morning air made the crowd ever more productive as they set up temporary tents and cleaned out the empty houses, yet it had no effect on Ida. She was fully lost in the waves of memories that inundated her.

The conversation with Levi when they first found out about Titans being humans swirled in her mind.

"You shouldn't think of them as humans."

"What if they could be changed back? Shouldn't we… try to change them back? Don't we owe it to them to at least try…? Connie's mother was changed to a Titan… he probably wants to change her back as well..."

"Ida, we can't afford to think of everyone and every scenario. Nothing will be achieved that way."

She smirked morosely as the memory dispelled.

So it had really come to this.

Feeling suffocated, Ida looked to Seth and quietly said, "Is it possible to move it to Wall Sina or somewhere near the estate? Truthfully, I prefer to stay well out of the way of any soldiers."

Seth nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I know. Best to get you out of the public eye. I did ask but the officer Zackly placed in charge of this place stated it would be far too dangerous."

"Dangerous? The Titan's limbs are severely underdeveloped. It can't even move. It's no damn threat."

"I'm assuming transporting such a large Titan through the Walls would cause mass panic among the people," Seth grinned, he seemed to be enjoying the prospect of that thought. "Not everyone has seen a Titan you know."

"Fair enough," Ida exhaled briskly. Her cloak was pulled tightly over her shoulders, shadowing her face. "Guess we'll have to make more trips then. We'll make do for now. Who's the person in charge of the soldiers again?"

"Oliver Murray," Seth said. "I'll go and look for him."

She didn't recognize the name. "We'll go together."

After asking a passing soldier where their superior was, Ida and Seth went in the direction he pointed. They would've been well on their agenda for the day if not for a commotion happening.

"Where is she?!"

Another familiar voice followed the infuriated call. "Connie, stop!"

Ida's heart stopped in its beat when she saw them. The world seemed to have gotten louder, yet all she could hear was the resounding silence in her horrified mind. From a distance, she saw the faces of the people she held dear to her heart.

Connie's face was twisted in rage. He was screaming at a pair of MPs that were stopping them from entering the village. If it was not for Sasha and Jean holding him back, he would've pounced at them.

An onslaught of dread hit her. She had expected this to happen when she sent Hanji that letter, yet nothing could've prepared her for this moment. Nothing could've prepared her for her reaping.

"So, he came…"

She felt a glance from Seth, whose eyes were huge with disbelief. "You told them?"

"They deserve to know," was her simple reply.

"Ida—"

Ida ignored him. Expression frozen, she walked to the previous members of her squad. Seth tried to stop her, but she brushed him off. Her heart thrummed in her ribcage when she recalled that fateful night that Connie realized the Titan was his mother. His angry tears would forever be embedded in her memory.

"I know them," Ida intervened calmly. Pulling down her hood, she faced Connie dead on. "Leave us please, sirs."

As her ex-squadmates stared at her, apprehension in their eyes, the pair of MPs shared a glance together and heeded her instruction. Her orders were final. She was the main person in charge of this operation and they remembered.

For a long time, nothing but silence swirled around them. Ida waited with bated breath for Connie to say the words that would forever haunt her existence.

"Hey Ida, this… is a joke, right?"

Her soulless eyes appraised him as a lifeless doll would its owner. Ida knew Hanji would've filled him in on the details, but Connie needed to hear it from herself. It was why he came all the way here.

"I'm currently trying to study the Titan's power and I require a Titan if I'm ever going to replicate the Titan serum. Don't take it personally, but your mother is the only Titan within the walls. That makes her a valuable research item."

Connie was shaking now. Tears welled in his eyes. His betrayed expression pleaded for her to give him some type of emotion, some guilt or regret. Ida was too calm for him. Although he didn't show it, she saw in his eyes that he feared her—he feared what she would do and feared who she had become.

Ida forged on. "Your mother won't feel anything, Titans can't feel pain. I won't kill her."

He shook his head at her words, his fists clenching. Connie no longer made it a point to hide his disgust towards her. He hated her. Everything about her repelled him. Everything about her angered him. Everything about her was inhuman to him.

Ida was no longer able to look at him. "Connie, I'm sorry—"

"AHHH!"

That was when Connie suddenly flew at her. His fist collided with her face with a loud crack.

"Ah!" Ida's body flew back as she groaned. If it wasn't for Seth who caught her, she would've fallen to the floor.

"Ida!"

"Connie! Don't!"

Ida clutched her stomach protectively; afraid he would follow with another attack. Her assaulted jaw throbbed. But even the physical pain had nothing against the mental agony she felt. Her gaze was broken when Connie—who was now thrashing in the armlock in Jean's arm—continued to scream at her.

"That Titan is my mother and you're going to experiment on her?! She's still alive—damn it, let me fucking go Jean! Let me go!"

Sasha tried to intervene, "Connie, calm down!"

In a daze, Ida felt Seth shake her. "You okay?"

Though shocked, her mind was solely focused on the scalding words that continued to spill from a devastated Connie, "You heartless bitch! How could you?!"

She felt tears glaze her eyes as all the suppressed memories came rushing back to her. She was speechless as Connie rained judgment on her. And Ida allowed him to. She allowed him to admonish her for being the horrible person Ida knew she was.

"How could you do this to my mother?! Do you have no soul?!" Connie shrieked. The bomb he held in finally detonated. He was sick of her. He was sick of her breathing the same air as him. "I thought you cared about me!"

His own statement was the last straw that convinced him he needed to take care of her himself. The betrayal and rage were no longer containable. With a roar, he shoved Jean away from him.

Splayed fingers reached for her.

"Stop!" Sasha placed herself between Ida and Connie. Tears collected in her eyes as she pleaded with him, "Connie, calm down! We can talk about this!"

"CALM DOWN?! YOU HEARD WHAT SHE SAID—"

"Enough."

Her firm voice halted the chaos momentarily. Ida forced herself upright and adjusted her cloak. She swallowed tightly, already beginning to build back the crumbled walls around her heart. Her pain would not cloud her true purpose here—she had already made peace with this damnation when she decided to go ahead with it.

She took a step forward to close the gap between them.

Maybe it was because of the hardened look in her eyes that made her look dangerous, but Jean suddenly grabbed her arm. "Ida! Don't—"

He didn't finish his sentence when Seth cocked his rifle and pointed it at him. "Get your hands off her, Jean."

Sasha gasped. "Jean!"

Jean froze at the sight of the rifle being pointed to his face. He couldn't believe what was happening.

"Put that down Seth," Ida stated, effectively curtailing the chaos short.

Seth looked at her hesitantly, as if in a dilemma himself. Then, he slowly lowered his weapon. When he did this, Ida shook Jean's grip off her and continued walking to Connie. The boy was breathing heavily now. The anger and hatred in his eyes were so profound, they cut into her like knives.

"Did it make you feel better?" she began. "Would you like to hit me again?"

"Do you think I wouldn't?!" Connie tried to shove Sasha off, but she was determined not to let him go. "You're no longer my superior! You're a fucking coward! You left the scouts—you abandoned your comrades and now you want to experiment on my mother?! You heartless bitch! I won't let you lay a hand on her—"

"That Titan is no longer your mother, Springer," Ida stated coldly, yet secretly her heart ached for her cruel words. "It's a Titan—the only Titan alive within the Walls."

"She's not!" Connie continued to bellow. "She's still alive! She talked to me!"

"She's a Titan," Ida insisted. She didn't know if she was saying this for him or herself. "She won't feel any pain."

"Would you allow your mother to be experimented on if she was in this state?!"

"I would if she had fallen to this state."

Those words were the truth. Though it had destroyed her, she had once allowed Eren to devour Elsie. It was only stopped by the appearance of the Cart Titan. The memory of that day was a double-edged sword, and suddenly, Ida felt Connie's pain.

The awareness did little to settle the bittersweet irony swirling within her.

Always.

Why did they always have to sacrifice someone they loved for the greater good? It was just so sad. The unfortunate dilemma dismantled what remains of her broken heart. Yet outwardly, resolution shifted onto her expression.

"You're the only one who has lost a family member, Springer," Ida reminded Connie of a crucial fact. "We have to make sacrifices."

Jean's eyes thinned. "There are hundreds of Titan beyond the Walls, why must you insist on using Connie's mother—"

"And what?" Ida snapped. "Command a force to take a mobile Titan to venture beyond the walls? Risk the lives of those still living because of your tantrums?"

The pit of her stomach grew larger. She needed to get Connie out of here, it would only be harder for him if he stayed, and she knew exactly how to do it.

Desperate to end the conversation, Ida hastened to add, "If you insist on calling Titans humans then what's the difference between this Titan and those outside the Walls? Because you don't know who that Titan formerly was? Because that person is not related to you, and that's why it's okay for me to experiment on them instead?"

The shock that embalmed her squad felt like glass shards that transfixed in her chest—they couldn't believe she was saying this, they couldn't believe this was the same superior that fought alongside them. There was not an ounce of empathy in her now.

Her heart was pounding in her ears, yet Ida pressed on, "I'm sorry but… this Titan is now a being whose body and mind crumbled long ago, it doesn't even remember what their original form was."

The difference in beliefs lit another spark within Connie. In a matter of seconds, something within him snapped. He glared at her, his eyes wide with fury. He tried to lunge at her again.

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!"

"Argh!"

"Sasha!"

In a burst of strength, Connie shoved Sasha away and sprinted towards her. He should've known it was a futile attempt, that Ida could easily out maneuverer him now that she was prepared for it. She did. Ida didn't even blink when she grabbed his arm by the wrist that was aimed for her neck.

She knew she deserved it. Ida knew she deserved all the hate, all the abuse he wanted to give her—but her life was not her own now. Ida couldn't afford anymore harm to her body, not until the child was born.

Her face was stony as if she was a warrior fighting her last battle, but she had lost her will to stay with reality.

"Pity? What a worthless emotion." Ida growled, applying pressure onto his wrist to subdue him. Connie's face writhed in pain. "Would you hesitate to kill a Titan coming to kill you right now, because you felt sorry for the human that had perished long ago?"

This time, her cruel remark not only infuriated Connie, but Sasha and Jean as well.

"Ida, how can you say that to Connie?!" Sasha demanded.

Jean stomped towards her. "You're going overboard!"

"Because I'm right?" Ida migrated her glare back to Connie. With a huff, she shoved him away from her. "You want to believe that Titans are still humans because you want to recognize your mother—but you won't hesitate to kill any Titan beyond the Walls. It's contractionary, isn't it?

Sasha embraced her friend protectively. And Ida knew she was protecting him from her. Though Connie said nothing, he continued to glare at her. The icy fury in his gaze was enough for Ida to understand. He was done with her. He was done reasoning with her. She was no longer the friend he once knew. No longer the superior he respected.

She was dead to Connie now.

The line was drawn. It was clear to see that her heart was set on the ruthless plan.

"Use logic, not emotion to delineate what a human is, Springer. This is your duty too."

Ironic. It was so ironic. If she could learn more about the Titan power, it was one step towards removing it from all of them. Maybe when that happens, even Connie's mother can be reverted to normal.

Right now, as she stood in front of Connie, Ida knew she represented everything in the world that ranged from vile to insidious to truth.

But Ida was doing it for the loves of her life—Levi, her child, and even them.

Despair sunk inside her like a rock when she saw Connie close his eyes in suffering.

Ida cast her gaze away, "I'm… sorry it has to be this way."

"Hey, what is happening?!" The commotion had attracted another group of MPs. They stampeded over to them and became the barrier that kept Connie and the rest from coming back for her.

The tallest officer took notice of their uniforms before he faced her, "I didn't hear any scouts were coming."

Ida brought her hood back on her head. "They were just leaving."

She had hoped they had gotten the message. They should leave before things escalate out of control.

Seth blew out a heavy sigh. Perhaps the look of Connie looking so broken had taken his toll on him, but he couldn't meet their eyes as well. "The Military has already permitted our usage of this Titan, if you have any qualms please take it out on them."

"Let's go, Fischer."

Ida hastily made her way deeper into the village without looking back. She was too preoccupied with calming pain that rocked her soul. As she disappeared, her breathless heart was afraid of accepting the fact that she was exactly as Connie had described her.

"Ida! Wait! Slow down!"

Seth was chasing after her. But she didn't stop. She was losing it. Ida knew if she looked back and saw the faces of the people she cared about, she didn't know what she would do.

The world around her spun. As if injected with adrenaline, her heart rate raced from zero to one hundred. Nausea overcame her while her stomach twisted into unbearable knots.

Sick, she felt so sick.

Certain she had placed enough distance between the past and present, she stopped. But that was when an assault of reality overwhelmed her senses. She tried to acclimate her distracted mind with reason.

I am doing the right thing. This is the best option for—

"You okay?" Seth asked when she leaned on a wall at the other side of the village.

Ida's breaths grew cumbersome. "Ensure… that none of them get in trouble with the Military. No one needs to know… what happened…"

Seth wasn't listening, his arm reached for her cautiously, "Ida, you don't look so good."

Unfortunately, morning sickness—coupled with the disgust—had begun earnestly at this point. Ida clasped her mouth and sprinted to the forest. She heard Seth yell after her, but she couldn't care right now.

Using a trunk for support, Ida coughed out the contents of her stomach. She pushed herself up, ignoring the way her body ached from exhaustion. How stupid. Late nights and overworking, and all it took for her to lose her carefully crafted composure was one good mental trauma.

That was all it took for her to break.

Ida felt someone pat her back comfortingly. Seth had found her. "Hey… it'll be okay."

Okay?

When will things ever be okay again? When will this fucked up world grant her clemency?

Now, on her own accord and driven by her dark motivations, she sold her soul to guarantee an unknown future. The unfortunate sadness shot her heart and dismantled her throat. Dry tears didn't cover the overwhelming guilt and disgust.

As nausea eased, Ida slowly felt her world revert when she was still a soldier—back to the time she was proudest of who she was. Her throat closed as the pain welled inside her, urging her to stop thinking about such despondent things.

But it was all too late.

The dam had been opened now, and she had to deal with the mental destruction

"I feel like I'm going insane…" Ida weakly admitted, unveiling a truth that she had never shared with anyone.

She clutched her chest and grit her teeth, effectively surrendering to herself. Ida thought she could. When she woke up today, she had prepared herself for this condemnation. She had made peace with the world's rejection of someone as immoral as her.

Ida was certain she was able to live with this sin.

She continued to stare brokenly at the forest while Seth stood beside her, gazing at her like he could understand her pain.

He remained quiet as Ida went on, emotions filling her normally void heart, "Jaron once said this was a destiny that we shared… So is this what destiny has in stall for me? Is there nothing else I can do… to stop this? Do I… have to live like this from now on? Is this the only way…?" She chuckled mirthlessly at her fate. "Answer me, Seth. Why must things be like this…?"

Seth didn't respond. He did not have the answer either. Hopelessness cloaked over the tears that Ida refused to shed. She was no longer worthy of tears.

No longer worthy of feeling sorry for herself.

"Call it off…" Ida spoke in agony. She closed her eyes in resignation, utterly hating how weak she was.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't go through with this. She didn't have the strength to.

She was just as contractionary as Connie was—it wouldn't matter if the Titan in question was someone she didn't know. Pathetic. It was so pathetic after the show she put on back then.

"What?" Seth was bewildered.

"Go back… and tell those fucking soldiers that I changed my mind." Though it was hurting her to even speak, Ida needed an acknowledgment from Seth. "Now."

Seth's hand paused. She felt him still behind her. He was reluctant to heed her instruction, they needed a Titan more than anything for their research. Unlike her, Seth had always kept his eyes on their goal.

He did not waver like her in the face of his emotions.

She screwed her eyes shut as she battled with her crippling mental anguish. "I'll... talk to the premier, we can figure something else out, get another Titan or something. I'll even get one myself. Now go."

Ida would've gone and talked to the soldiers herself, but she wasn't sure she could control herself around anyone now. Her heart thumped erratically in her ribcage, and all at once all Ida wanted to do was to run away from everything. To even return to the Survey Corps. Yet she knew that it would be like dipping herself in molten liquid—the consequences that would follow would be unfathomable.

"Ida," Seth said placatingly. "You don't have to do anything. I can handle everything for you. If you run away now, if you abandon this and turn your back on everything, you will regret it. You'll be the first and last to judge yourself and that will kill you—"

Anger bubbled within her. She spun around and shoved him in the chest.

"Fucking call it off! Go!"

Screw the operation. Screw everything. Screw trying to talk to him right now. She didn't care.

It hurt too much.

He didn't understand. Seth never understood. In his life, he only ever had her—the one person he gave a damned about. He was willing to sacrifice the world for her. She had thought she was the same as him—that she could sacrifice the world for her child.

But she was wrong.

She was broken.

Silence dwelled over them. Seth divided his glances between her and the forest. As though fighting the dilemma inside himself, he sighed.

"Alright… I'll go talk to them."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

"Hello, Levi! Just on time!"

The Commander exclaimed behind the mess on her desk, a large ink mark smeared on her cheek.

Levi growled before striding over to her. "Your face, four eyes."

"Oh." Hanji rubbed her cheek, but it only smeared more ink on her face. It wasn't surprising how much it was irking him. Really, the bloody mess she was in. Bastard Erwin wouldn't have sat there with ink streaked across his features.

"I reviewed the list of candidates leaving with me to Shiganshina," Levi got straight to the point of business. He didn't want to spend any more time necessary here. "Why did you take Connie out?"

Hanji merely waved her hand dismissively. "Ah that, I gave him some time off."

Levi blinked. "What? And when are you going to inform me that a member of my squad is off on a shitty holiday you sanctioned?"

"I'm telling you now, Levi."

"After you've already arranged it with my subordinate."

Hanji raised her eyebrows. "Would you like me to call him back?"

He snorted at that suggestion. Call him back? To what, risk his life to gather up the corpses of their fallen comrades when he could've been enjoying himself on leave? Hah. But Connie was considered a seasoned veteran compared to the new runts that joined the Survey Corps. Hanji was aware of this.

What was the reason she decided to omit him?

"Erwin was never this much of a pain in the ass." Levi took the armchair in front of her. He noticed she looked a little hurt, so he added, "If it weren't for you doing a good job, I might've packed this whole sorry career in. Go frolicking off like Springer too."

Hanji gave him a weak smile. "We both know you'd never be able to put humanity's fate in someone else's hands."

"Tsk." Levi threw back, feigning disinterest. "Try me."

He knew she was right though.

Levi settled deeper into the armchair and stared at her. Hanji wasn't offering an explanation for Connie's sudden leave. Which was damn well odd. He wasn't the most involved with his squad's business, but for some reason, he felt as if he was out of the loops.

He considered how he should approach. Probably best to just get it over with.

"Anything happening with Connie?" he asked simply.

Hanji fixed him with a one-eyed stare over her glasses, her dark eye patch obscuring the other. "How peculiar. You're interested?"

He cocked his eyebrow. "Define interested."

She shifted slightly as if battling with a dilemma. Then, she sighed.

"Here." She took a letter from her drawers and slid it across the table to him. "Read it."

Levi couldn't help but frown. What the hell was this cryptic bullshit? He had expected a straightforward answer.

"Shit is this—"

He stopped himself when he saw the stamp on the broken wax seal.

"Ida?"

He regarded Hanji with a demanding glare. She nodded reluctantly. Her face was blank as she waited for him to read it.

Fuck. What sort of trouble did that brat get herself into now?

Gathering himself, Levi opened the letter. He squinted his eyes. He hated how it took him so long to work through it. His haphazard and brief education from the more literate of Kenny's cronies in the Underground, plus the few lessons Erwin and Hanjj had given him since he had joined the Corps, meant that his reading skills weren't the best, and the cursive and flowery writing of Ida did nothing to help him.

By the time he did work through the contents of the letter though, Levi felt his body propel up from his seat. The crinkled letter slammed on her desk.

"Explain." He felt himself nearly snarling.

Hanji pulled her gaze back to him. "As you know, Ida has been working on a way to remove the Titan's curse from all of us—wait, you do remember that she was forming a Titan research team, right?"

Levi grunted an acknowledgment.

"Well, she found a lead recently that might even allow us to replicate the Titan serum." Hanji was silent for a while, her mouth set in a thin line. "That is where Connie's mother falls in. She needs a Titan for her study. She wants to try to extract a Titan's spinal fluid. And when Connie found out…"

She didn't finish her summary and Levi didn't push for an elaboration. He didn't need half a brain to know how it ended. Connie wouldn't stand for it. Shitty chances were, he bolted off the Ragako, mad with rage to stop it.

The Commander sighed, "That's not all either."

A nerve ticked in his temple. "Not all?"

What could be worse than this?

"From what I gathered, Ida has Zackly's backing in this too."

Levi blinked at her. What the fuck was this? That old, sly sadistic bastard was supporting Ida?

"I don't know if I want to fucking hear this, but you are certain?"

She nodded hesitantly. "I confirmed it with Nile today. Zackly assigned her an entire Military retinue to guard Ragako Village."

He grimaced at the revelation. It wasn't surprising to hear Zackly was okay with the arrangements to use Connie's mother. But shit, Ida orchestrated all of this? If it wasn't for the letter written by her very hand, Levi would've thought it to be bollocks.

What had Ida gotten herself into?

Worse, he only fucking knew about this now?

Levi was starting to regret his little moment of weakness months back now. Maybe it was stupid of him to agree with Hanji's proposition that she should settle all correspondence with Ida. He had thought it'd be better, seeing as his past relationship with Ida and how the two women were now research buds and all, but still…

He was the fucking last to know?

Levi scowled. "Conclusion?"

"Ida called off the entire operation."

He felt slightly relieved hearing that. Fuck knows what Ida was thinking, but using your past subordinate's Titanized mother was as an experiment fodder was only something an idiot would do.

Then again, bastards like him had once used his subordinates as literal fodder to achieve a certain goal.

An annoying ache entered his chest at that thought.

"Actually, I have been wanting to talk to you about this."

"What?" Levi snapped, impatient.

"I'm concerned about Ida's relationship with Zackly."

Levi's brows raised at this. Seems like he wasn't the only one.

Hanji gestured to the letter with her chin. "I might be just overanalyzing things… and believe me I was just as surprised as you when I first heard about it. But I don't think we are at the point where we have to settle for extreme measures like using Connie's mother—"

"Wait. Wait." Levi stopped her there. "What the fuck are you going on about shitty glasses? You didn't know about this?"

"Not until Ida sent me that letter. I was the last to know too. I would've stopped it if I had known earlier." Hanji frowned as her fingers formed a steeple on her desk. "I didn't want to think much about it, but… don't you think that it's odd she went to Zackly first?"

"She isn't penpals with that shitty pig, granted, but what the fuck does this have to do with all of this?"

Hanji sighed. "Truthfully? I'm still trying to figure it all out. But, like it or not, I can't overrule a decision made by Zackly. Ida knows this. Doesn't it seem like she only informed me more so as a courtesy for Connie?"

Levi eyed her knowingly. "You think she's trying to keep us in the dark?"

"Not so drastic as that. I'd say she's trying to sidestep our influence. My guess is… she doesn't want the Survey Corps involved." She clutched at her head as though pained by the amount of information she'd just unloaded. "Ah… it's all pretty complex, to be honest. But the only thing I can conclude from this is that Ida was determined to go through with using Connie's mother regardless of our opinions. Maybe that's why she sought Zackly's backing."

Levi clenched his jaw, incredulous. He didn't have the words. He was just as perplexed as she was.

Hanji's shoulders sagged. "At this rate, I don't even know what she'll do next."

Levi studied her face—the smudge of her ink across her cheeks, the black smear on her nose. That one sad eye, regarding him behind slightly dirtied glasses. He reached into his pocket and tossed her his handkerchief.

"Face."

Wordlessly, she cleaned the ink off her face with it and returned it to him. She looked worn out as she regarded him with a small smile of thanks. They were all just so fucking hopeless, beneath their titles and soldier's uniform. So tired, and so very sad.

Yet they kept going.

"So, what do you think?"

He pondered for a moment. "She isn't like that."

"She isn't." Hanji agreed. "I can't argue with her logic behind her decision as well. As Commander, I might even say that she is trying to benefit humanity. But I can't help but feel worried at this change in her character."

Change? Did she, though? That was a very good question. One that Levi didn't even know if he wanted the answer to. Fundamentally, their relationship had changed.

But Ida was still Ida.

But it was troubling. To think she'd even go as far as trying to use Connie's mother.

What was that brat thinking? Holed up in that shitty fortress for months, only sending the bare minimum of letters to Hanji, suddenly appearing in public and now pulling this stint under them.

The words left him before he could stop himself.

"I'll handle it."

With that, Levi rose from his seat. His head was pounding, and he knew it wasn't because of the conversation with her, but more so of the decision he made.

Hanji peered up at him in surprise. "Handle it?"

Soon, her single eye narrowed. Count it on her shitty intuition, Hanji realized what he intended to do. "You're going to Sina now?"

"Anything wrong with that?"

"Interesting."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't fucking start with me, Hanji."

The smile suddenly spreading across her features was infuriating. She shook her head with a lopsided grin. "Well. You never could've never truly left her be."

Levi took a deep breath. He counted slowly in his head until he was able to hold onto the deadpan voice that the situation called for. "It isn't like that, four eyes."

She looked far too pleased with herself. "I just never could've expected it after two months of silence from you."

"Whatever."

He had his hand on the doorknob when Hanji called for him again.

"Levi."

Hanji was suddenly fixing him with the most peculiar stare. If Levi didn't know better, he'd even say she looked disturbed, as if she was wrestling with something internally. There was something about her expression that made his chest constrict uncomfortably.

He ran his fingers through his hair self-consciously. Why was she suddenly looking at him that way?

"What?"

"Tell me what she said if you do meet with her."

Levi tsk'd and swung open the door.

Gathering himself up, he made a beeline for his quarters. He still needed to pack for his trip to Sina. It was a long shitty road from Trost. He hadn't been to the Starke Estate yet, but word was, it was a massive secluded fortress.

And then, Ida could explain to him what the fuck she was planning.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Levi was no stranger to the fact Ida hated the MPs.

Oftentimes in the past, she could be found sneering at them. Higherup and newcomers alike. She hated everything about them—from the way they ostracized the Survey Corps, to their pride and even to how fraternization and favoritism ran rampant among their ranks. Ida abhorred how corrupted they were, and she especially hated their misuse of power.

Even after the coup and subsequent reformation of the Military Police, the petty brat still hadn't dropped her nickname of calling them pigs. Not that Levi could fault her, really. He was guilty of that too.

And so, it was no surprise to him at all that Ida would've hated having the MPs stick around her. When Levi arrived, waterlogged from the rain that plagued his long journey, it was hardly surprising to see the MPs that the government had assigned to protect her lingering outside the manor's gates, looking bored out of their minds, guns laid aside, as they played cards on a makeshift board.

Levi wasn't surprised to hear from the two runts that they were not allowed to step into the estate and were given a small hut nearby to live instead.

What Levi was surprised about was learning that no one, not even from the Survey Corps, was allowed in as well.

Unable to conceal his features from crumpling onto a frown, Levi continued to interrogate them, "Elaborate on what you just said."

The two MPs exchanged nervous glances with each other as if egging each other to be the one to explain.

"Oi, I don't have all day. Talk."

Levi didn't fail to notice how they jumped out of their skin at his mere presence next to him.

Seemingly afraid that a direct line of sight with Levi would cause him to shake in his boots, the shorter MP's gaze was lowered the entire time he spoke, "Uhm… well you see, there was this guy—the one living with her…?"

Fischer.

Of course, who else but the fucking Fischer boy.

Levi merely grunted an acknowledgment.

The other MP provided the rest of the explanation. "When we arrived, he came out with the butler and said that no one, civilian or military alike, is allowed in without explicit permission from him. It was the same for everyone under duty here."

Permission?

Fucking hell, Ida was nobility alright, but she wasn't the fucking Queen. He exercised the muscles in his jaw as soak in the news. Levi knew Ida wanted to seclude herself, but he just wasn't aware it would be to this extent.

"And you just let them do what they want?" Levi could feel snarling. "Guess playing fucking cards is better than doing your job, eh?"

"N-No!" The shorter MP straightened defensively. He hastened to explain himself, "But he was saying that anyone who trespasses would be killed on the spot! And you know… uh, Ida Starke isn't the type of person I'd want to mess with…"

He snorted. Yeah, that made a whole load of sense now.

Levi glared at the towering gates. The manor gargantuan size was imposing. He gathered it was nearly as big as the HQs. Outside, flags bearing the crest of the Starkes flapped in the cold wind of Sina mountains.

Shit.

What now? Force his way in? Viable, but no. It'd be chaos. He didn't have his gears with him either.

Now that he thought about it, didn't Hanji come to meet her once last month? Oblivious to how it made him feel, that damn glasses was gushing about the antique décor in the mansion for days.

Levi cringed inwardly at that memory. Yeah, maybe that's why he forgot.

"You two aren't shitting me, right?"

The two MPs exchanged a worried glance, confused on how to go about answering him.

"No, sir." One of them replied.

He crossed his arms and studied the two MPs suspiciously, somehow still not entirely convinced. They didn't seem to be lying though.

"Tell me what she said if you do meet with her."

Levi's eyes expanded slightly when he remembered what Hanji offhandedly threw at him before he left.

A blast of indignation spiked through him as Levi registered that might be denied entry because he was simply him. And while it pissed him off, Levi also realized that didn't explain why no one from the military or civilian was even allowed in.

Why was only shitty glasses allowed in? Because she was the Commander of the Survey Corps?

Fuck. It wasn't entirely impossible Hanji knew about the restriction too. Then, she held it back on purpose? Let him trudge his ass all the way to Sina despite knowing Ida wouldn't meet him?

Damn them both then.

Fucking women. Why were all hell-bent on making things harder for him?

"Did you see anyone enter before?" he asked, setting the second part of this interrogation into motion.

He nodded. "Yes, of course. We checked everyone before they were allowed in."

Not like that Ida couldn't defend herself, but it was good to know that the security was strict regardless.

"Who?"

The MP shrugged. "Workers, I guess? Some servants. Food carts. And uhm... I think there was a painter today?"

Painter? A fucking painter? The Walls.

The taller MP stroked his chin, visibly hesitant in divulging too much information, "Actually… didn't Jess say there was a special guest?"

Levi cocked a brow. "Jess?"

"She's an MP who is on night shift duty," he explained. "I remember her saying that someone visited late at night, he wasn't a worker—had a different aura around him I guess. His name was…" He looked to his friend, hoping a blast of memory would come to him, "...Ed… something?"

Edward Faust.

The name came to the forefront of his brain immediately. Brunette. Short. A shitty bastard with a bulging belly who had his grubby jeweled studded fingers in the black market. The man provided the scouts with shelter in the Underground City during the uprising.

And most importantly, Levi remembered his connection with Ida.

Now, the real question was: what was Ida doing with someone like him?

It was highly unlikely she asked an old 'friend' from her Underground City days to join her with some tea and crumpets. More unlikely was that someone like Ed had rolled his ass all the way here for something as simple as that.

Levi was well-acquainted with people like him.

Which could mean only one shitty thing.

Ida was up to no good.

He exercised his jaw when a sense of deja-vu came over him, recalling the time of the coup. Ida's strange, almost secretive behavior. He groaned inwardly.

Why the hell can't this damn woman just retire and live her life out peacefully?

"Captain Levi."

Tsk. Right on fucking time.

Levi's back stiffened as he brought himself taller. He turned to the metal gates and recognized the scarred face of Seth by the bars. He smiled and waved at him casually as if they were good buddies.

"What brings you here?" Seth asked. "Problems at the Corps? Hm, but that can't be, Hanji would've sent a letter prior rather than just showing up."

Sly bastard.

Levi clenched and unclenched his fist. Everything he had gone into keeping his features even and blank. His mouth remained firmly closed, lips pursed.

Seth raised a brow at his silence. "So? Why are you here?"

"Came to talk to her," Levi said curtly. "On behalf of the Commander."

It wasn't particularly true, but Levi couldn't be assed with the technicalities right now. Not that Hanji would've minded, he was sure. Damn it though. If Seth knew about this, the bastard would probably be pissing himself with glee.

"I see." Seth gave him a slow smile, his expression unwilling to divulge any secrets that he may or may not know. "Then, shall we talk?"

He opened the gates with a key and stepped aside, holding it open for him. But if there was anything Levi was sure about, he wasn't welcomed here.

"Keep up the good work, lads." Seth threw back at the MPs when he closed the gates behind him.

Seth led him to a more secluded part of the estate near the gardens. It was hidden behind towering well-maintained trees and was perfectly veiled from the prying eyes and ears of the MPs at the gates. They stopped at a man-made pond, housing a rock formation that had water pouring from it like a waterfall. There was also a brick bridge that sat suspended over the body of water.

Tsk. Talk about extreme.

Levi silently appreciated the beauty. He had to hand it to the Starkes that came before her—they did have good taste.

"Do you need anything from your long trip?

He didn't reply. Instead, he crossed his arms, leaned on a tree, and fixed his gaze on the pond. He didn't want to spend this shitty conversation staring up at Seth.

This was torture.

It was fucking torture.

"I'm sure you are very busy and have better things to do than talk with me," Seth started diplomatically, much to his relief. "So, maybe I will just cut to the chase."

How nice. Something they could finally agree on.

"Good."

"Ida doesn't want to meet you."

Levi schooled his features, trying to hang on to his patience. "I'm not here because of personal reasons, Fischer."

"I know. You wouldn't come here if it was just for that."

He was unable to maintain his eyes pinned to the pond any longer. Seth remained silent for a moment, before turning to observe him with his cool blue eyes. Seems like the boy had at least half a brain to know he should explain himself.

Seth sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, I know we got off the wrong foot…"

The wrong foot was an understatement. Bastard was literally beneath his boots at one fucking point.

He gave him a half-hearted smile as if reading his thoughts, "But I hope we can put it behind us. For Ida's sake at least. So… what I was trying to say is, I'm not trying to stop you from meeting her because of my own personal vendetta, it's not like that with us."

Was it not, though?

Levi fumbled a little in his footing uncharacteristically. Why did this feel so damn uncomfortable? When he found his own voice again, it was brimming with annoyance, "Tsk. I don't give a shit about that. I need to talk to her."

"And she doesn't want to meet you. I'm sure you can understand why."

That familiar numbness began in the chest again. Right on time.

Levi fixed his jaw. The last thing he wanted to be doing was discussing his ex-lover with a shitty asshole like Seth, even if it had now crazily, somehow, become part of his duty as a soldier.

He surveyed him coldly. He no longer had the patience to waste time with him. "She doesn't have a choice but to suck it up. The Corps sent me, so that's who she's getting."

Seth sighed loudly. His patience with this subject was quickly dwindling too.

"I'm sure you know this, but Ida is annoyingly stubborn when she wants her way. And frankly, I think the last thing she needs right now…" Seth hesitated, "…is to meet you."

Levi didn't miss the furtive glance that Seth suddenly threw towards the mansion windows, it took him all his control to not follow it, knowing whose gaze it would lead to.

"I can take a message if you like."

Levi snorted. He wasn't about to concede that easily. Not when he knew that brat was somewhere in the huge fortress. "As if I'd convey military information to someone unaffiliated with us."

"My affiliation with Ida makes me all the more involved."

Seth's statement made Levi's stomach lurched unpleasantly, but he forced his face into cold indifference.

"Things haven't been easy for her after all that happened," Seth forged on, appearing awkward to continue anymore, but he eventually did. "Me and her… it's all in the past. All I want right now is just to assist her, so I hope you can understand. She told me under no circumstances to let you in. Please respect that."

Levi didn't reply, but he could feel himself getting irked over the conversation.

Why was this bastard venturing onto the topic of their personal lives so easily? He got it all wrong. It shouldn't matter. It didn't matter. He was here for his duty as a soldier. He was here to ask her why she was trying to pull the Survey Corps out from important matters.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Admittedly, it did feel good to know that Ida hadn't moved on though.

Shit. Focus on your job, asshole.

Unwilling to look at him, Levi eyed at the dagger that Seth had strapped to his thigh. A sudden thought crossed his mind.

"You good with that?"

"Wait, what?" Seth followed his stare. "Oh, this." He took the dagger out of the sheath. The blade glinted in the evening sun. "Why?"

"Just answer the damn question, I don't have all day."

Seth appeared confused. He tossed the blade up, catching it by the handle. "Not too bad. I'm better at gears and rifles."

Good grip. Decent at least. He had held a dagger before. Killed before.

Levi nodded once. "Good. Be sure to use it."

"What?" The word tumbled unsurely from Seth's mouth. His eyes were wide as he stared at him.

Levi rolled his eyes in irritation. "If necessary."

"I know, but we have the MPs—"

"Yeah. That's what I thought too, Fischer. Listen," Levi unfolded his arms and peeled himself off the tree, "I don't know what the fuck that you lot are thinking, but this place is huge. Meaning—there are places where people can easily infiltrate. Sanctioning the MPs outside the gates like pretty little useless statues isn't the best security option."

Seth remained silent as he stared at the dagger in his hands. The same stream of reasoning was now visible in his reeling mind. He wore the same countenance as him. The countenance of someone who would go to hell and back to protect someone.

"Gears, have any?" Levi asked.

Their breathing synchronized in apprehension. "I surrendered mine when I resigned."

He had expected him to say that. Gears were restricted only to the military. Ida had surrendered hers as well when she retired.

"Right. I'll get Hanji to see if we can send a set or two your way. There's no need to make shitty deals with bastards like Ed."

"Ed?" Seth parroted.

Levi frowned at his reaction. Was he wrong? From how bewildered Seth looked, he wondered if he was wrong in the assumption that they were purchasing black market gears from Edward.

But as quick as the mystified expression adorned Seth's face, it disappeared. "Ah, that… I was wondering how you found out about it." He grinned at him sheepishly. "Guess, the cat is out of the bag, huh?'

Levi grimaced.

Seth eyed at his blade thoughtfully. He was silent for a long while, and Levi wondered if he was trying to second guess his intentions.

"I don't know if I want to hear this, but am I… expecting to need to kill someone?"

"Tsk. Relax." Levi rolled his eyes, sensing his nerves. "There's no immediate threat that I'm aware of. As far as I've been briefed, you lot are even buddies with the Premier now. That's good. It's just to be safe since Ida is having her biggest shitty tantrum as of late. And if anything happens to her—it's you I'm going to be holding personally responsible and that dagger would end up in you instead."

Seth scoffed. He was offended he would have to make that veil warning. "Thank you for your concern, but I don't think there's a need for that threat, Captain. I'd stick it in myself before Ida is harmed, and she's not as weak as you make her out to be." He slid the dagger back to his sheath. "Don't worry, she won't be risking her life anymore like she did when she was with you."

Ha.

There it was—that was more like the asshole Levi had become familiar with. Even so, Levi understood and even respected Seth's dedication and loyalty. Ida meant something to him too, even if that feeling wasn't reciprocated. That warranted some degree of trust.

"You can trust me," Seth added. "I'm not as good as you, that's for sure, but I'll keep her safe."

Levi cocked a brow, slightly surprised at the subtle compliment from him.

His body became more alert under a gust of scrutinizingly cold Sina wind. Again, Levi could sense another pair of eyes on him—investigating and wary. His breath hitched in his throat, but he schooled his features into an even.

When he looked up to the window Seth had glanced at earlier, there was nothing more than a swoosh of red. A fist clamped over his broken heart. A part of him was hoping against hope that he could take one glance at her.

"I would've never fallen in love with you."

Ida's voice spilled over him like acid rain, sending aches to eat at his numb heart.

As relieved as Levi was that she was thriving, it was also painful to see how easily she left. Ida really didn't give a damn after all. They were done. There was no way around it now. They were officially done.

Levi pulled up his hood. "Look after her, Fischer."

Seth nodded resolutely. It came from nowhere, but his fist suddenly thumped on his chest in a military salute to see him off.

"Captain Levi."

It was the closest the two had ever come to seeing eye to eye.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

The setting cast a long shadow as Ida stood by the window of her bedroom. Ida knew it was horrible to send Levi away when he came all the way here to talk to her. She couldn't read Levi's expression when he was talking to Seth.

What if he ignored Seth? Would he storm all the way up to her and take her with him? If he did that, what would she do? Ida wanted to believe that she was strong enough to refuse him. Yet, as she felt her body yearn for him, she was no longer sure how strong she was.

She took a deep breath and bravely looked out her window which hosted a good view of the front of the estate. Ida relaxed when she saw Levi at the gates talking with the MPs.

And then, just like that, the three-week time period of not seeing him diminished. The agony, the sadness, the yearning, the heartache… all the emotions that had been numbed since she last saw him surged through her. She swallowed past her pain and tried to keep a cool exterior.

Her broken heart throbbed when she saw him saddle his horse and pull his hood up.

Just one look, she pleaded the fates in her mind. Just look back at me one more time…

I won't look away again. Please.

She was left stunned when Levi kicked off the roads and disappeared down the mountains.

Ida thought of Levi, and remembered his conflict with wanting to start another life with her when the war ended, and remembered his conflict with choosing his duty over her.

She wanted to make it easier on him. She wanted to help him make the choice. Levi would never be able to truly devote himself to her, and he would never be able to recover if the price that he had to pay was her or their child.

But if he no longer loved her, if she was no longer the Ida he knew, then he could truly devote his heart to humanity.

She breathed in quiet anticipation for her dark future. Ida knew she was insufferably alone on the path she had chosen. She had lit the torch, and now she had to live to see the fire ravage everything.

She had to see everything to the finish line.

He looks good… healthy…

That is good enough for me.

"Wow. It's a different look alright, but you do look great."

Seth sauntered into her bedroom, whistling as his curious eyes glanced over her dress. "Can't even tell you to have a bun cooking in you." He clapped his hands in approval. "The wonders of clothing and a full coffer could do."

Ida rolled her eyes and swirled back to her dressing table. The embroidered fabric of the black dress swayed along with her. Red threads adorned the seams in patterns. It had once belonged to her mother when she was younger, and it fit her like a glove.

She took a ruby bracelet from her jewelry box and clasped it around her wrist. "So?"

"As you suspected, he came here regarding the matter of Ragako," Seth disclosed, not missing a beat. "Good news is, the problem we have is solved. When the Survey Corps goes to Shiganshina in a few weeks' time, they'll also attempt to capture a live Titan for us."

Ida canted her head with intrigue. "He doesn't want us to use Connie's mother."

Seth appeared displeased. "And I thought we agreed that it's best to not let the Corps get involved in our business?"

She kept quiet. Ida knew she was to blame for that. Their plan was perfect. With Zackly as her backer, even if the Survey Corps opposed—which she knew they would—there was no way they could interfere. Ida was in agreement that the less the Corps knew, the better. But even with such precise planning, they failed to take into account something.

Herself.

And her weakness.

Now, because of her, it'd be harder to not get the Survey Corps involved in her plans.

Seth elicited a sad sigh, as though sharing her thoughts. "I'm just wondering how the fuck we'll drag it all the way to Sina from Maria."

"If Levi proposes it, it means he probably has a way."

"Tsk. Now I see why I can never compare to him. Flowers, chocolates, even jewels… but no, he goes out to the walls like a damn hero and catches a freaking Titan for you out of all things." Seth shook his head, scoffing at the absurdity of their relationship. "Can't say it's isn't romantic."

Ida couldn't help but smile sadly at that. It was risky to capture a Titan. She would've gone out to do it herself, but she couldn't with her condition.

Levi will return right…?

He always will.

"Nothing says 'I love you' than a Titan." Seth snorted. "Well, let's hope it's a pretty one."

She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm. That darn smart mouth of his.

Ida smoothed the creases of her red sash that slid across her dress. "Bad news?"

From the mirror, she saw Seth's features hardened at her obvious ploy to change the topic. Regardless of the reaction, he answered her question nonetheless. "He didn't need to say it, but he suspects you're up to something because of Ragako, particularly your involvement with Zackley."

She nodded glumly. "The more he misunderstands the better. Let him be."

"Also, it seems like the sunshines standing outside the gates have big mouths. He knows about Ed. Thinks we are buying black-market gears from him." Seth walked up to the window and glared out of it. "Here's an idea—how about I go out and scare them off? Can't be having them loitering around when the prisoners come."

"Those are MPs under Nile's jurisdiction, I can't do that. Leave them. They'll soon be replaced by Zackly's personal pigs that are under his thumb anyway."

Seth nodded. "Mhm. That's great then."

Now, the finishing touches.

She reached for her jewelry box. Her fingers pinched around the signet ring that belonged to countless Starkes before her, but instead of wearing it, Ida only allowed her quiet eyes to take in her appearance in the full-length mirror beside her.

Her mother's beautiful dress.

Her father's Survey Corps badge was on her sash, next to the medals she had received for her service in the Survey Corps.

Her long red hair was in an updo of disheveled elegance, two soft cascading locks framing her face.

And her green eyes… cold, severe, and emotionless.

Ida realized couldn't recognize the person in the mirror anymore. It felt like a stranger was staring back straight at her. An extraordinary air of power and dignity cloaked the stranger, and for a split moment, Ida even thought she looked otherworldly. She had the aura of someone that could move mountains.

An aura of someone… who could change the world.

But she had no soul, Ida knew. The person in the mirror was nothing but a lonely mindless doll void of morals, playing a ruthless game with cruel fate and gambling with all that she got.

She was nothing but a sinner.

Was this it?

Was this the price that every head of the Starkes had paid?

As the cursed descendants of the Devil, was the price the damnation of their souls?

Ida's lips curled up sadly. She forced her thoughts aside before she was thrown into another state of misery.

"You didn't eat the cake. You don't like it?" Seth voiced behind her. He hovered over the untouched sweets at the table. "Well, at least you drank the tea. You should eat more, you're expecting after all."

Ida glanced backward, spotting the silver tray that Seth was hovering above. She smiled faintly and rested her hand on her abdomen, wishing that her child would be born soon. Her palette had since changed as her pregnancy progressed, and it looked like her child had its father's tastes.

She wondered how small its hands would be—tiny probably, and in need of protection. She wondered if her child would look like the man she loved so much, and still did. And Ida wondered if there was a world out there, where they could be happy together… as a family.

But Ida didn't allow her wishes to take root in her mind any further—it was too dangerous.

Ida felt envy for the child within her; she felt envy knowing that it'd be free from its cruel destiny and would never have to suffer like her. Not long after it would be born, it'd disappear somewhere unto the clemency of the world away from its parent's cursed bloodlines, unto the leniency of oblivion where it wouldn't ever have to feel pain.

Distracted momentarily, her eyes trailed back to the crest ring in her hand. Ida stared at it numbly, watching the gold ring glint in the evening sun.

A sudden knock disrupted her thoughts. Kelson strolled in. "He's ready for you."

Quickly, Ida gathered up the pieces of her broken heart. "Alright. Thank you, Kelson."

Seth followed her out of her bedroom and onto the long hallways. "You know, I didn't say this before, but I don't even know why you're even doing this. It's a risk."

"You said no one can tell I'm pregnant in this dress. Plus, he's just a painter," Ida replied monotonously, eyes trailed ahead. "It's a tradition in my family that every head of the Starke has their portrait painted."

He rolled his eyes, "You didn't give a damn about tradition before, what changed?"

"I want to leave something behind when I die."

"The whole planning your death part is totally like you, but you want to be remembered?" Seth said. "Now, that is unlike you, Ida."

"I don't need to be honored," Ida stated coolly. "But if someone can remember me for all I fought for… then that's good enough for me."

Seth pursed his lips and made no effort to continue the conversation.

As they ventured down the long hallways to the other wing of the estate in silence, they passed by the painted portraits of her ancestors, each with the proud crest ring on their fingers. How dignified and powerful they looked. There were still many faces she didn't recognize, but Ida could remember a few by their names from her visions.

Jaron Starke—killed by his twin sister.

Ignatius Starke—killed in battle during the Great Titan War.

Elaine Starke—killed by her father and twin brother.

Laena, Jasper, Elias, and Eliana Starke—killed by an Ackerman by order of the King.

Her chest felt heavy when she walked past her mother's portrait with her grandfather. She was wearing a flowery beige dress while her beautiful curls rolled over her shoulders. Ida had forgotten how beautiful she was.

How ironic it felt to see such a smile on her mother's face, despite the gravity of her bloodline.

Elsie Starke—killed by her own daughter.

Ida swallowed, bowing her head slightly. This was all too emotional for her and she had other emotional things to deal with.

Such tragic endings…

She wondered wryly what her ending would be like.

When she finally reached her destination, Seth pushed the door for her. Ida stepped inside the drawing-room and was immediately welcomed by the artist. He observed her attire behind his thick glasses and gave her a respectful nod.

"It's an honor to meet you, Lady Starke."

Ida raised a brow. "Honor?"

She fiddled with the ring in her hands, surprisingly cautious of what he would say.

The man laughed awkwardly, scratching his head with his stained fingers, each a different color. "You see, my daughter is a fan of yours. She's young, been listening to the town folks sayin' that you'd remove the Titan power from us and save us all."

"And do you believe that?"

He smiled kindly at her. "I do. Along with Eren Yeager, I believe you will bring us our salvation."

Salvation.

Ida wanted to laugh.

Shaking her head in disbelief, Ida made no effort to correct him and moved to the center of the room where the artist had already prepared the backdrop for her portrait.

As she positioned herself, her father's voice echoed in her ears. The realization that she was a darker shadow of Erwin hit her unlike anything else she had experienced.

"Are we the heroes who soar in the sky, or devils?"

"There is no truth in this world, just people who believe in different things. It's just a different terminology that people conveniently slap on based on their beliefs."

"Indeed. Good, evil, light, darkness. They always exist simultaneously, as if they are supposed to be the same thing."

"Those who refuse to give anything up cannot achieve anything in this world, Ida."

Steadily, Ida slid the crest ring slid on her finger.

I understand now, Erwin.

Clasping her hands tightly together in front of her skirt, Ida migrated her cold eyes ahead, just as the first stroke of the painter's brush touched the blank canvas.

No one is inherently good in this world.

There are only…

Sinners who are saints.

---

Right, I'm not going to give excuses. A delay is still a delay. I apologize.

Thank you to those who waited patiently, you are appreciated! Honestly, I've been slipping in and out of the AOT fandom nowadays; especially after the controversial ending. I'm currently in a place where I want to write new fandoms, new pairings, to just try new things. Of course, HSW is still my baby and I'll do my best to see to its completion.

I've sort of moved to AO3 (because I utterly hate this website) but HSW will still be updated HERE, but for my NEW stories, it'll be there.

My account on AO3: backyardrants (mostly haikyuu fics atm LOL). Come shout at me on Twitter rixeah too if you want! I don't bite!

Anyhows, thank you once again for reading! Let me know your thoughts, they keep me going! Until the next update! Love you all, and stay safe!