Anger & Rage
tw: brief description of a child choking
If there's one thing little Riku knows about his mama, it's that she's never angry.
Later on when he grows up, he realizes that of course his mama was angry sometimes. It would be impossible and even freakish if the woman never showed that sort of emotion. To him, as a naive child, his mama's just perfect, is all. Later on, he'll know that she was never a perfect person and never claims to be. It was just child ideology,
Still, that wasn't to say she never felt or showed other negative emotions. Annoyance, displeasure, frustration and even jealousy on some occasions. But still, never anger or rage.
But there's one memory he has, maybe the event is what opens his eyes that his mama is perfectly capable of rage and why it's better that she doesn't show it.
It's his brother's fault.
Well, okay. Maybe that wasn't true but his brother was somewhat the catalyst in invoking their mama's rage.
It's because of that tall, wiry man.
It wasn't out of the ordinary for Ryuu and Riku to stop and talk to Suna's villagers on their way home. Everyone likes to remind them of just how great their parents are, how grateful they are to the couple that constantly work to keep Suna up and running. It's…exhausting sometimes but the two boys take it in stride, as young as they are because they're proud. Because fuck yeah, their parents are awesome.
"Just smile and nod," Mama always says.
So that's what they do, the villagers gush, the twins nod politely and they move on. It's fine, it's normal. But then they come across the tall, wiry man. He's not a villager either of them recognize but he smiles politely.
His teeth are too big for his mouth, Riku remembers thinking.
"Your mother is a wonderful lady," he says by way of greeting. "She looked after my wife in the hospital. She's made a full recovery."
Ryuu and Riku nod and hope the man will move on quickly but he doesn't. "My wife wanted to show her appreciation and made these for your family." He practically shoves a tin of cookies into Ryuu's hands. "Please, enjoy them!" He finally leaves rather quickly, which is kind of strange but he's strange so they're glad he's gone.
"You should probably throw those away," Riku advises as they continue their journey home. "I don't think mama and papa would like us accepting gifts from strangers."
Ryuu ignores his brother, opting to pry the lid off of the tin. He inhales deeply, smiling at the sweet smell of cookies. Almost too sweet. "They smell really good. Mama won't mind."
But they both know mama will mind. Especially if they eat something sweet before dinner.
"Ryuu," Riku warns, cutting his phantom eyes at him. But his brother is a lot like their mama in the sense that he's stubborn. Papa likes to say she's bullheaded even and that's where her annoyance stems from.
By the time they return home, Ryuu hides the tin away. Mama pokes her head out of her little greenhouse, a little building their papa and uncle surprised her with one year when the twins were much smaller. It's different from the big greenhouses on the outskirts of Suna.
Those greenhouses are for the village, the produce and flowers and herbs. Their mama's greenhouse is for her. It's chaotic on the inside with fauna and flora from Suna and Konoha managing to inhabit the same space. It's her safe haven, one that brings her joy.
"Hi, cubs," she calls from the glass door. "Good day at the academy?"
"Yes, mama." They both smile at her.
"Great! I think Daddy and Uncle are bringing dinner home. I still have some work to finish here so work on your studies, yes?" She blows them kisses before ducking back inside her greenhouse. Ryuu and Riku duck inside, greeting Ume as they slip out of their sandals and dust sand off each other.
Eventually Papa returns home too, patting them both on the head in affection. Their Uncle was still out, waiting on their food and so Papa joins Mama in her greenhouse.
"Riku," Ryuu whispers when they're nearly done with their studies. He nudges his brother in the side, a little too harshly and probably on purpose. "Try one, they're really good!"
Right, the cookies from the tin. He's all but forgotten about them until Ryuu shoves a cookie in his face. The sweet smell of sugar and chocolate is so strong it's almost sickening. He definitely does not want that cookie.
"No thanks, Dragon." Riku grimaces and pushes the offending treat away. "I like the cookies mama makes."
"Yeah," Riku agrees immediately, eyeing the cookie. It's good but not as good as mama's cookies."
Their conversation dwindles and they go back to their studies and then something strange begins to happen. Ryuu has gone still, so still that he almost looks like a corpse. And then something rattles in his throat. Riku realizes that the strange rattling is Ryuu trying to breathe. His face has gone pale and he's clutching at his chest. His mouth falls open and his shoulders shake violently.
He can't breathe.
Riku goes running, screeching his little head off for his parents. He tumbles out of the kitchen door and ignores the hot sand burning his feet as he thunders towards the greenhouse.
His parents are standing together in front of the workstation, unaware that their son is slowly suffocating. Mama has one of those silly grins of hers. Lovesick, Aunt Susu once called it. Lovesick for your papa.
He shoves the door open with a great big push, the glass rattling dangerously. Just like his brother's shoulders. It obviously startles his parents and they turn towards him with wide eyes.
"Riku." Mama's mouth twists downwards. "You shouldn't open doors like that—"
"Ryuu's dying!" Riku screeches like a wailing banshee. "He can't breathe!" Tears are gushing down his face because the fear gripping him is almost too much.
Riku, though mischievous like his brother, would never try to play a trick on his parents like that. He knows that and they do too, evident by their very serious expressions. Mama darts by him, ripping her gardening gloves off. Papa follows but remembers to scoop Riku up on the way out, pressing his tear-stained face into his chest.
By the time Mama makes it into the living room, Uncle is at the front door, confusion evident as strangled gasps bounce off the walls of the living room.
Ryuu is on the floor now, his pale face having gone blue. His face swells and tears gush down his round cheeks. He flops around the floor like a dying fish out of water, knocking into furniture. He rolls into the end table, rattling it so hard that it knocks the lamp over.
Papa's sand catches it and hastily throws it aside in his panic. It crashes into the wall and shatters into large pieces but no one pays it any mind as they all rush forward. Ryuu gasps and gurgles, clawing at his neck, fingers shredding the thin skin there.
"Hold him!" Mama orders. Papa shoves Riku at Uncle and does just that, leaning over Ryuu to hold him still. Uncle coils around Riku and backs away, his large hand resting against the back of his nephew's head. He shouldn't see this and so he buries his face into his smock.
Riku turns, just a little, to see.
Mama leans over Ryuu, whispering softly as she holds a hand over his chest. Chakra encases her hand and she pulls back, almost as if she's beckoning someone to her. She does it several times before thick, black sludge melts out of Ryuu's chest.
Uncle puts Riku down and vanishes into the kitchen, emerging immediately with a container. He joins Riku's parents and holds the bowl out. Mama practically throws the black goop into the bowl with a scowl. She repeats this for several moments until the bowl is nearly overflowing with sludge.
Ryuu doesn't move.
His parents and Uncle watch intently but then Mama leans over, pressing her ear to Ryuu's chest. Her eyes go wide and tears run down her face as she sits up. She places both hands on his chest and pumps hard, Chakra gushing into him.
"It's okay, little Dragon. Come here to mama. Mama's here, I'm going to make sure everything's right. It's okay."
Ryuu finally inhales after several tense seconds. He sputters and coughs and begins sobbing uncontrollably but mama scoops him up like he weighs nothing more than a feather and hugs him to her chest. Papa's shoulders slump in relief and he reaches forward to press a reassuring hand against Ryuu's back. Almost like he wants to feel his back expand with oxygen.
Riku starts forward, wanting to join his parents in making sure Ryuu was alive when that sickeningly sweet smell smacks him in the face. His nose scrunches and he realizes the smell is coming from the black sludge in the bowl. He eyes the bowl for a long moment before glancing at the abandoned tin of cookies.
Oh. Oh.
Mama climbs to her feet, cradling Ryuu like he's an infant again. He's too big for her small frame now but she hangs on anyway, silent tears gushing down her face. Papa sweeps Riku up into his arms as well but Riku is still staring at the tin of cookies. Uncle takes the bowl of sludge away into the kitchen, out of sight.
Mama sways from side to side and hums softly, cheek resting against Ryuu's head. She hasn't done that in a long time. Ryuu insists he's too big to let her baby him anymore. But now he clings to her, her familiar movements, her humming and scent offering comfort.
Eventually his grip loosens and his terrified sobs dwindle into sniffles and whimpers. Mama kisses his forehead and whispers to him. When she leans over and deposits him on the couch, he's fast asleep. Papa sets Riku down next to his slumbering brother and then his parents vanish into the kitchen.
Riku reaches over, hand resting on Ryuu's chest. It rises and falls steadily. He's alive. He's okay. His face isn't blue and bulbous like a swollen fish anymore. He's not dying. Not anymore.
Riku slides off the couch and picks up the tin of cookies. He approaches the kitchen, hiding in the shadows of the hall as his parents and uncle gather around the table.
Mama dunks her fingers into the bowl of black sludge. She sniffs at the goop and frowns hard before shaking it off back into the bowl.
"Poison?" Kankuro asks.
"Poison." Mama confirms.
"It smells sweet." Papa observers.
Uncle frowns harshly. "To hide how it truly smells, no doubt. It's a trick used often when working with poison."
"How did Ryuu come into contact with poison?" Mama wonders, drumming her nails against the table.
Riku knows that he has to tell them but he's scared. They weren't supposed to take things from strangers and if they did, they were supposed to show their parents first. To avoid the very thing that just happened. He's afraid that his parents will be upset.
Angry.
But Papa knows he's hiding in the shadows. "Riku? Are you okay?" He turns to look at him. No, he's not okay. His brother nearly suffocated right in front of him. He shuffles into the kitchen, avoiding the three gazes that rest on him. "Riku?" Papa tries again.
Riku holds up the tin of cookies. Mama sighs softly. "Honey, now's not the time for cookies."
Uncle squints and sniffs the air, smelling that strange sweet smell. It leads back to the tin his nephew is holding out to them like a coveted offering. "Where'd you get those cookies, Riku?"
Mama and Papa look at him, confused but Riku ignores it. "A man gave it to us."
"A man? What man?" Papa asks.
"I don't know. He said mama took care of his wife and that she wanted to say thank you. He gave us these cookies."
"Did you eat any of those cookies, honey?" Mama leans towards him. The smell finally hits her.
"No but Ryuu did. And then he started choking."
There was an emotion in his Mama's eyes that he's never seen before. It was more than her annoyance, frustration or displeasure. It was something dark and black, black like the goop that nestled into his brother's throat. It was something heavy and bad and…Riku doesn't like it.
The skin around her eyes shifts unnaturally and the veins strain against her skin, ready to burst. He's seen his Mama's Byakugan many times before but there is something different about it now. Something different about her eyes. About her.
"Can you…" she pauses and exhales softly. "Can you tell us what the man looks like?"
Of course he can. The man was so strange looking, his appearance stuck with Riku. Long blond hair, black eyes, tall and skinny. And a grin too big for his face, teeth too big for his mouth.
Papa's hand rests on Mama's back and Uncle is holding her by the wrist. Her shoulders are tense and her jaw twitches. She smiles though, smiles at Riku and leans over to cup his face, palm resting gently against his cheek.
"Good boy." There's something stiff about her smile. "I love you. I love you and your brother, you know that."
"With your whole heart," Riku agrees and nods.
"With my whole heart," Mama finishes. "You did good, little cloud." She pats his cheek sweetly and moves away. She glances at Papa and Uncle but there's something strange about her face. She looks like his mama but at the same time, she doesn't.
She stands very slowly, deliberately. Like she's waiting for them to protest. But neither men do, hands falling away as she turns and leaves the kitchen. Leaves the house.
She's gone for hours. Ryuu manages to wake up and as soon as Papa and Uncle are sure he's okay, they make the two tell them the story of the man who gave them the cookies. They listen quietly, faces blank.
Papa lectures Ryuu for what feels like hours about taking something—anything—from strangers. Not all people are good people. There's bad people, people who won't care that he's just a child. People who want to hurt them because of their parents.
They eat dinner soon after that but Ryuu hardly has an appetite, not that anyone blames him. Papa sends them upstairs to bathe and go to bed and Mama still hasn't returned. What if the man with the too big of a grin has found her? What if he stuffed poison down her throat? How would they know if she's suffocating like Ryuu was only hours ago?
Papa tucks him away into his bed and reassures him that everything will be okay. Mama is okay. "But how do you know, Papa?" Ryuu whispers as Uncle runs rough fingers over his forehead. Checking his temperature, making sure there's no remnants of black sludge clinging to his insides.
"I just know." Papa's answer is simple but he sounds too sure for either child to doubt him.
Ryuu falls asleep immediately, rendered truly exhausted. Riku doesn't fall asleep so easily. In fact, he stays up for another hour, staring at the ceiling when he hears the front door open. He very carefully climbs out of bed and sneaks out of his bedroom.
He hides away at the top of the staircase, laying down flat on his belly. He can see the front door from his hiding spot.
Mama's home.
But something's wrong.
The veins clustering around her eyes deflates, sinking back into her skin. Her eyes are blank as she stands there, motionless. There's red blotches across her jaw that trails up into her hair. The front of her shirt is stained with something dark. Her right arm, up to her elbow, is covered in half dried…he doesn't know what it is. Paint? It's red.
"Xin?" Papa calls from somewhere further in the house. It was always strange to hear his mama's actual name. It was different but that's because she was different, she was from Konoha, after all. It was some sort of inside joke because Papa and Uncle always laugh at that explanation.
Somewhere, Uncle swears.
Papa approaches Mama, a wet hand towel in his hand. He cups her face and wipes the red dots from her jawline. There's a strange stench wafting from her. Something poignant and dark. Something that makes Riku shy away from his mama. She lifts her hand, allowing him to clean the red away from her skin. Some of it has already dried and flakes irritably as Papa works to clean it away.
Why was his mama covered in paint?
"Did you find him?" Papa asks after a long pause. Uncle is standing somewhere behind them, waiting for the answer as well.
"I did."
"Where is he?"
"No one will find him again."
"Why's that?"
"Ukyo and I have been growing several carnivorous plants down in the greenhouses."
"Xin," Uncle sighs. "Those plants aren't big enough to consume an actual person."
"They can consume chunks though."
Riku frowned. What was a carnivorous plant? And what did consume mean?
"Xin—"
"He tried to kill my baby—he hurt my baby." Her eyes flash and Riku shrinks away. She's not even looking at him but her expression is nearly enough to send him running. But this was his mama. He wasn't afraid of his mama. He wasn't.
"Okay. The twins are sleeping. It's been a long and stressful day. Let's shower and go to bed." Papa's voice is calm and soothing, placating. It works, somewhat, because mama seems to relax.
That's his cue, Riku realizes. They can't find him up and out of bed. He gets up and quickly scurries back into his room. Ryuu is still asleep, snoring. Breathing. Living. He crawls back into his own bed and curls up under the blankets. He can hear his parents and uncle shuffling around, readying for bed. He slowly sinks into slumber.
He's mostly asleep when mama sneaks into the room with papa following. She smells clean, like soap. The stench from earlier is gone, washed away from her skin, down the drain.
Mama leans over Ryuu's bed and watches him for several moments. The room is silent but she sniffles a couple times. Finally, she peels his blankets away and gently scoops him up into her arms. Papa does the same with Riku, picking him up with ease.
They take the two boys into the bedroom, settling them in the middle of their bed. They climb in after them and coil around them in a big dogpile. It's warm and nice for all of them.
Riku realizes several years later, when he's older and mature and wiser to the world, that there was a reason he didn't witness his mother's anger. Despite being teased by his father and uncle and their extended family that she has the worst temper, she hid it away from her children.
There was a reason the other Shinobi knew not to push her buttons past annoyance and frustration. There was a reason anyone with a brain always watched her hands when she was agitated. Why they avoided being left alone with a frustrated kunoichi and her plants with sharp teeth.
There was a reason Xin kept her anger and rage locked down within her.
Because anger and rage for Xin meant death and murder for whoever was unlucky enough to cross her.
The bloody plants will tell you that.
TeeBeMe: I was devouring a box of GirlScout cookies and thought "this is the perfect way for someone to take my ass out because I will fuck up a box of girlscout cookies."
Also, my knowledge on carnivorous plants is limited and mostly what I know is from cartoons and a musical but I'm pretty sure they don't eat actual people lol. But hey, it's fiction.
Isn't it always interesting when a child realizes that their parent is an actual person who experiences ugly emotions as well as good ones? Too bad Xin's a former psycho but she has enough sense not to purposely traumatize her kids, she loves them, she promises.