"I guess the question is, are there any people on this island?" Ash asked, as they camped on the beach. "And if there are, then can we get a lift?"

"Ou, une autre possibilité, vous sortez Lapras à l'extérieur des bains à remous et vous vous envolez une personne à la fois," Clefairy suggested.

"...sorry, there was a mention of Lapras?" Pikachu said.

"Pas de soucis alors," the Fairy-type muttered.

"We could try having Psyduck help?" Ash suggested. "He might eventually get a move that would help."

"There might not be an island left," Squirtle told him.

"What do you mean, eventually?" Tracey asked. "Don't you know what moves he has?"

"He can't use any moves when he's awake, generally, except Hypnosis," Misty supplied. "On himself. Then when he's asleep he can use Sleep Talk, but this crazy Mew that Ash knows loaded him down with dozens of powerful moves… I don't think we've even found more than half of them, we stopped testing after the time he got some kind of weird purple laser beam that cut a hill in half."

She rounded on Ash. "So no, we're not doing that!"

A familiar silhouette went overhead.

"Oh, hey Zapdos!" Ash called, waving. "Any sign of a town?"

"No town, though I think I saw one building," Zapdos replied, coming down to land. "This place is weird, though. All the Pokémon here are pink."

"So are you," Pikachu said, then checked his own tail in case it had happened to him as well.

Zapdos blinked, then twisted her head around to look at her own plumage.

"Maybe it was a bad idea to eat all those berries?" she guessed.

"That's kind of interesting," Tracey said, looking like he wanted to take out the coloured pencils. "I wonder what caused it?"

"I just said," Zapdos complained. "Berries."

"Berries," Ash passed on.

"So it's dietary?" Tracey guessed, then noticed a Pokémon coming along the beach towards them. "Hey, is that a Galarian Ponyta?"

"No, I think that's Keldeo," Misty corrected.

"What's a Keldeo?" Tracey said.

"C'est quoi ce Galar, tu veux dire le nord de Kalos?" Clefairy queried.

"What's a Ponyta?" Keldeo checked. "Any idea where we are? I've been here a couple of days now… there's some really rude Pokémon up there. One of them knocked me off a cliff!"

He tossed his head. "I mean, I can fly, but it was still rude…"

On Navel Island, Ash heard the challenge for that gym.

He had a few questions.

"So… before we even get started, I need to climb the mountain without the help of any Pokémon," he said. "Uh… does that mean that Pikachu can follow me but he can't, say, navigate? Or does he need to go up separately?"

"He can come with you, but he can't help you," Danny replied.

"I think I get it," Ash frowned. "So… it's kind of about making sure that you're not leaning on your Pokémon so much that you can't do things without them? And then the rest of the gym challenge is about working with your Pokémon, so it means you have the right balance?"

"...actually, I just kind of like mountain climbing," the Gym Leader answered. "And I don't want too many challengers. I'll be coming along with you, though, and if the weather gets bad then I'll call the whole challenge off and we'll use Pokémon to get out of there safely."

Ash nodded. "Okay, I guess that makes sense."

He waved at Misty and Tracey. "See you at the top, guys! I'll try not to keep you waiting!"

"So… how long do you think counts as too long?" Misty asked, right up at the top of the mountain. "This is Ash we're talking about, he could have got lost, but I'm not an expert on mountain climbing."

"I'm guessing because it involves too little water," Tracey said. "Or all the water's frozen. Hey, Squirtle, can you go back to that thing you were doing before?"

Misty's Squirtle obliged, jumping back up on top of a snowdrift, and Tracey got to work on his sketchpad.

They sat there in companionable quiet for another few minutes, then there was a familiar squeak as Pikachu jumped up over the lip of the plateau.

"Ka, Pikapi!" he called down, and Ash hauled himself into view a few seconds later.

"Ash, there you are," Tracey called. "How was it?"

"Not bad, really," Ash said, dusting himself off. "I fell down a couple of bits, but apart from that I just kept going up, so I didn't get lost."

He peered back over the edge, then shrugged. "Huh. I guess the Gym Leader's taking a different route?"

Pikachu asked a question. "Pikapi, ka-kachu?"

"...why would anyone have trouble climbing up a cliff like that?" Ash asked. "There were hand holds."

Danny arrived a few minutes later, saying something or other about how normal people didn't have the upper body strength to free-solo up an almost sheer cliff, and repeated the way the gym challenge was meant to work. It was a kind of three step process, where both sides had to freeze a natural geyser to make an ice pillar with one of their Pokémon.

Then, three Pokémon each would work to turn the pillar into a kind of dugout bobsled.

And, finally, the trainer and three Pokémon – which could be a different three Pokémon – would ride the bobsled down the mountain to a finish line. Whoever was quickest at two of the three steps would win.

"...so, this sounds very dangerous," Tracey summarized. "Especially that last bit."

"It'll be fine!" Ash replied, already thinking. "So… I guess Shaymintwo is mostly out for this, it's a bit cold for him. And I think… right!"

He held up a Pokéball. "Lapras! You're up first!"

Lapras emerged, yawned, then blinked.

"…I usually work in the sea," he said. "And this isn't the sea."

He looked around. "I think it's the opposite."

"Yeah, I know, but you know an Ice attack, right?" Ash checked. "One that can freeze that geyser?"

The Transport Pokémon nodded. "Yes, I do!"

"Looks like you're set for the first challenge," Danny said.

"What happens if someone isn't?" Ash asked. "I mean, not everyone has a Pokémon with an ice attack, right?"

He frowned. "Actually, back on Mikan there was a challenge where a Pokémon needed to know Water Gun."

Danny shrugged. "Go away and get another Pokémon, I guess."

"He's… I can't believe I'm saying this, but Ash has a point," Misty weighed in. "For a normal gym it's one thing, but after climbing a mountain?"

"I mean, I guess they could ask Suicune for help?" Ash guessed. "She travels a lot."

"…well, Ash having a point lasted a long time," the Water specialist sighed.

"...if that ever comes up, I'll say they can use the cable car for a rematch," Danny decided. "All right, on three. One, two, three!"

Lapras immediately fired out a blast of icy breath, and the geyser began to freeze, but since it was still flowing the ice just got carried along in the flow.

"Oh, that's harder than I was expecting," the Ice-type muttered. "Hold on, I'll give it another go."

"I don't think you can do it all in one go," Ash said, looking at how Danny's Pokémon was freezing the geyser from the bottom up. "...wait, hold on, how's that working? Wouldn't the ice block the geyser?"

Lapras took a deep breath, then tried an Ice Beam. The base froze up, and the geyser immediately cut off.

"...oh, now I get it!" Ash said. "Lapras, that Nidoqueen's leaving a hole so the geyser keeps going until she's done!"

"Right!" Lapras replied, as Nidoqueen finished. "Take this! Sheer Cold!"

The first shot missed, but the second one froze the entire geyser in one flash of blue light.

"Better late than never," Danny said. "Two left…"

"We need to shape some ice, so…" Ash sent out Charizard and today's Legendary Beast, who turned out to be Entei. "Think you guys can do this?"

Danny blinked. "That's a weird Arcanine."

"He's a Legendary Pokémon," Misty corrected.

"I know that's what Arcanine is," Danny said. "I'm just not familiar with that regional variant."

"Okay, so, Charizard, you shape the outside," Ash instructed. "Entei, once that's done, you work on the inside, and Pikachu can clear up the rest with Iron Tail!"

"Entei?" Danny repeated. "That's kind of a pretentious nickname, isn't it? I think that's the name of a Fire-type Legendary Pokémon."

Charizard rolled his eyes, then sent three jets of flame scorching out. Between them they did the entire outer edge of the sled in about three seconds, then Entei and Pikachu jumped in to clear out the insides.

"There we go!" Ash announced, not long afterwards. "One finished sled!"

"Not bad, kid," Danny admitted. "My guys still aren't halfway through."

Everyone looked at the other sled that was taking shape, then there was a whoosh sound and when they looked back Ash's one was gone.

"...huh?" Ash asked. "That's not fair! What happened?"

Kachunk – kachunk – kachunk – kachunk – kachunk

Five completed sleds rained down around them. Charizard caught two of them, both still steaming, and the other three hit the ground with a crunch before rolling upright.

"I'm getting the hang of this!" Lapras said proudly. "If you freeze it all at once just right then it pops off and you can do the next one!"

"...the sad thing is, you still finished before me," Danny admitted.

"Before you choose the next Pokémon, I want to say… I'm not towing this," Entei informed Ash. "There are limits."

"That's okay," Ash told him. "Uh...what about, Pikachu for getting through the obstacles, and Zorua to help me steer, because he's kind of… you know, versatile."

"That's one word for it," Pikachu agreed.

"And then Charizard too?" Ash suggested.

Charizard half-nodded, then paused.

He looked at Danny, and smirked, then folded his arms.

"I don't know," he said. "I mean, racing against them? Where's the challenge?"

He shifted his weight, tail waving. "If there was some kind of real competition, then I'd be interested..."

"Charizard, what's gotten into you?" Pikachu asked.

Charizard held up a hand. "Wait for it…"

Then the ground began to shake.

A Pokémon made of electrical energy burred into view and snatched up one of the spare sleds Lapras had made, holding it over its head.

Solgaleo came loping up the mountainside, a strange rooster-like Pokémon on their back, and the rooster jumped off straight into a sled. Solgaleo meanwhile did a sliding turn, ending up just in front of the sled, and two tendrils of shadow reached out to grip onto Solgaleo's mane.

Entei sat down on his haunches. "Marshadow! So that's where you went off to! And is that Tapu Koko?"

The sled next to that one was occupied by a bemused-looking girl with two hair extensions and a white beret, and then in the one next to her were two Pokémon – both the same species, but since one of them had a name aside from that and the other didn't it was a bit hard to describe them.

"Mewtwo!" Ash waved. "How did you and Ambertwo get here?"

A golden portal opened up in the air, Mewtwo said. Then someone asked if we wanted to go ice sledding.

And neither of us have! His sister agreed. So here we are!

Three dragons swooped down from overhead, and Kyurem hammered the ground with a blast of ice to make an extra sled. Reshiram and Zekrom landed on either side of it, turbines whirring for now, and Kyurem took their place in the sled itself.

Then Regigigas put Regice down and sat on top of the Ice Golem, with Regirock and Registeel on Regigigas' shoulders.

"Thought so," Charizard said.

And here are our racers, already raring to go at the starting line. First we have Danny Phantom, the Ghost type gym leader of the Orange Islands and his team in their Specter Speeder! ...Hoopa is being informed that his last name is not Phantom and he does not have any Ghost Type Pokémon. Hoopa is disappointed.

Next we have Ash Ketchum with his Charizard, Pikachu and Zorua in their What The Sled, which is as close to the audience's inevitable reactions as Hoopa is allowed.

After that is Bianca on the Alto Flair, pulled by presumably Latia and/or Latios. They're both invisible so you will just have to take Hoopa's word for it.

Next up is 01110011 01101100 01100101 01100100 on Regieleki which is technically not against the rules but Hoopa is not going to award a hunk of ice with a trophy.

On number five there's Regigigas on the Hardware Over Software, also known as Regice, with Registeel and Regirock... ballast, presumably?

After that is one of the mythical guardians of Alola, Tapu Koku on the AWOL, pulled by Solgaleo and... Marshadow? Hoopa has never heard of that one.

Coming in at number seven is Kyurem on the Hero Of Something Something, pulled by Zekrom and Reshiram, who have agreed to an armistice for the duration of this race to find out once and for all which of them something or other. Hoopa won't tell them that they can't compete if they're on the same team if you don't.

And rounding out the field are Mewtwo and Ambertwo on the Hoopa Calls Hax. Hoopa has no idea who invited the Strongest Pokémon twice to this race, honest.

Oh, and what's that? It seems that Dastardly Darkrai and Victini have procured a sled for themselves and they're up to their old tricks. Presumably their old tricks since Hoopa hasn't really seen them race before.

All right, everyone, time to race! Hoopa hopes you'll be surprised!

"Who are you talking to, Hoopa?" Meray asked.

"Hoopa is talking to Hoopa," Hoopa replied, folding their arms. "And Hoopa was not finished!"

Whee! Latias announced, as she and her brother shot forwards. This is fun!

Look out, Latios cautioned. Remember, this isn't like Ash's video games.

He spat out a Psywave, which smashed through a rock in their way, and Bianca did her best to hold on as they zipped down the mountain.

"Don't go too fast!" she called. "Or I'll fall off!"

Latias giggled. We're already way out in front!

They banked around a wide turn, then Latias spotted something just up ahead.

A slightly wobbly sign pointing off to the left, away from the course.

Snowman making field.

Today only. Hurry while stocks last!

Latias gasped, then turned left, and Latios squeaked in surprise before taking the same turn – he had to, or otherwise they'd end up too far apart and snap the ropes. Latias!

Hey, I've never built a snow man before! Latias replied. Or even a snowmon! And I didn't know how much I wanted to until I knew it was an option, so let's go!

Latios looked back to see what Bianca thought, but she was clinging on as tightly as possible to the edges of the sled.

Which didn't really help.

I believe I am starting to get the idea of this, Mewtwo declared. It's a matter of balance. You lean to the side to steer, and if there are obstacles in your way you have to make sure you don't hit them.

He levelled his paw, and used Psystrike to blast a boulder out of the way. One way or another.

Makes sense to me! Ambertwo agreed, leaning sideways herself. I keep having to remember not to use my tail for balance, now, it'd mess that up. Right?

Correct, her brother said, as they accelerated down the mountainside.

Ambertwo suddenly pointed. Wait! Up ahead, that's not a real path!

Mewtwo fired another Psystrike, which revealed that the narrow path Ambertwo had pointed at was actually a painted bit of cloth over an ice wall.

Though, since the entire ice wall had exploded out of the way when Mewtwo hit it, it wasn't strictly speaking a problem any more.

Mewtwo threw them into a sliding turn, dodging two more obstacles and hitting a jump that took them over a pit, then they thumped into a large cardboard cutout of Darkrai.

Unlike the previous obstacles, it didn't spontaneously explode when Mewtwo did anything more than look at it, and he raised his palm for a much more definite Psystrike.

Snow went everywhere.

Some way to the right, Solgaleo's paws dug into the snow.

"That way," Marshadow stated, and the big Legendary nodded – shaking out his mane – before jinking them a little to the left and accelerating towards a long stretch of clear terrain.

About halfway down, a painted bit of cloth fell down, and Solgaleo, Marshadow and Tapu Koko crashed down into a pit.

Solgaleo hit the far end of the pit with a ground-shaking thump, their sled broke in half when it hit Solgaleo, and Marshadow dove into Tapu Koko's shadow just before the Electric-type hit the sled in turn.

"Ow," the Guardian said, indistinctly.

Reshiram, Zekrom and Kyurem had initially made good speed, the Vast White and Deep Black Pokémon powering up their turbines to full power and boosting down the course, but Kyurem had known it couldn't last for long.

As it turned out, they'd made it almost to the bottom of the snow section, but then someone had put up a sign labelled THIS WAY TO GOAL, and now the old argument had started up again.

"That is not the true path," Reshiram said, firmly. "It is a falsity that distracts from the true path we should take."

"But to reach the goal is our ideal!" Zekrom replied. "We can't ignore such a sign!"

"You just never want to do what I say!" Reshiram said, claws on hips.

Zekrom snorted. "Well, you never suggest the ideal path!"

"Only because your idea of ideal is idealized beyond truth!" Reshiram shot back.

Kyurem sighed.

"Watch out!" Ash shouted. "We need a good path – Pikachu, blast through those ice chunks! Charizard, Zorua, aim us for the chunks, they won't be there when we get there!"

Zorua jumped to the side of the sled, taking on the form of a Staraptor, and spread his wing out to one side. That acted like a big sail brake, helping the sled to turn at the same time as Charizard – in harness at the front – pulled them in the new direction, and Pikachu's lightning bolts stabbed out to shatter the ice.

"Look out!" Zorua called, and Ash turned to see what Zorua meant – only to find that the Dark type was pointing off to the other side, and having to turn to look that way instead.

The Regieleki who'd picked up a sled earlier was now running back up the field, moving with blistering speed and still carrying its sled, and it and Ash went past one another at a distance of maybe two feet.

"Zorua, change to something heavy on the other side!" Pikachu called. "We're going to need extra grip for this bit or we'll slide too wide!"

"Right!" Zorua agreed, flicking back to his base form for a moment before switching to a Crustle.

"Great teamwork, guys!" Ash said. "We're about to reach the rocky bit, we're doing well!"

Hm, Mewtwo said, looking at the Darkrai cutout.

It was still propped in front of them, which was quite impressive given that they were now in a twelve foot deep blast crater.

This has sort of stumped me, he admitted.

Why don't we just go round? Ambertwo suggested, her mental tone sounding like she was trying not to giggle.

...that is an option as well, yes, Mewtwo admitted.

He reached out of the sled, pushing, and they moved three feet to the side. Then both Genetic Pokemon had to give it a quick boost, but then they were off again.

"There it is!" Ash called. "I can see the finish!"

He ducked a bit lower over the sled, trying to reduce air resistance, and Charizard's wings hammered the air as he got ready for the sprint.

The Regi team was still really close to them, Regigigas using both Regirock and Registeel as ski poles to get a bit more acceleration, and Ash glanced to the side to try and see who was pulling ahead – then blinked, as Regigigas raised Registeel only for the Steel-type to twitch to the side.

Then the whole team swerved away, Registeel pulled violently towards half-a-dozen Magneton in a plastic box, and there was a crash which echoed up and down the mountain.

"Oof," Pikachu winced.

Another sled came out from behind where the Magneton box had been set up, and Ash gasped.

"Darkrai and Victini!" he said. "And that's the original sled we made!"

"Wow!" Zorua yipped. "They must be out to mess up the race!"

"…this is my life now," Pikachu said, twitching his ears. "I'll just accept it and move on."

It looked like the dastardly Darkrai and his Victini sidekick were going to win, speeding away towards the finish line, but then the sounds of a Dragon-typed argument came resounding across the slopes.

"The finish line is that way! Can't you see the truth of that?"

"My ideal is not listening to you any more!"

Reshiram and Zekrom (and an increasingly resigned Kyurem) were weaving wildly back and forth but overall moving almost exactly ninety degrees to the direction the rest of the racers were going. Their turbines kept pushing the sled this way and that, heading on a course that looked like it might just collide with Darkrai and Victini, and the two Legendaries slowed down to try and avoid collision.

Then Regieleki blitzed past, Regidraco crammed into the gap at the top of the sled, and collided with Darkrai and Victini. All four Pokémon then collided with the Tao Trio, sending Legendary Pokémon raining down all over the racecourse, and Charizard weaved through the last obstacles before pulling them over the finish line with a roar of triumph.

"Now that was a race!" he shouted.

"…I have no idea what just happened, so I'm going to focus on the bits I do know about," Danny said, a few minutes later. "Firstly, here's my gym badge."

"All right!" Ash cheered, holding it up.

"Secondly, I don't care who, but can someone make sure the Legendaries are cleared up?" the Gym Leader added. "I don't want my next race to end with someone crashing into a one of a kind Pokémon, especially because it'd count as interference."

AN:

I'm not apologizing.

Hoopa commentary provided by a friend of mine.