Chapter 39: The Silent Werewolf
The New Year brought many joys to the Princes and the Evans family. They celebrated together at the Manor and reunited just before the party after the latter family returned from London.
Severus and Lily felt tempted to have a New Year's kiss but felt too self-conscious to do so around their respective parents. They settled for a dance together instead, watched fondly by Eileen and Robin. Petunia didn't look jealous that Lily had a dance partner. In fact, she didn't really dance. Lily was sure her sister wanted to dance, and the party did have a few boys there, but she showed no interest in the boys present. One such boy had asked for her arm in a foxtrot, but she politely declined.
"What's wrong, Tuney?" asked Lily.
"Think I've got a poorly ankle, when I slipped on Grandpa's footstep," explained Petunia.
"You haven't been limping," countered Lily puzzledly.
"I don't want to be a hobbling mess, Lils," said Petunia, though she was blushing.
"Yeah, yeah, Tuney must be prim and proper and perfect at all times," teased Lily with a dictating tone.
Petunia smacked her sister's arm.
"You're one to talk about someone being perfect!" she retorted.
"Oh, let's not go there again, Tuney, please!"
"So…how come you and Sev didn't kiss?"
"W-what?"
"You love him, Lily. I can see it."
"We're just…not ready yet," mumbled Lily.
"If you say so," replied Petunia disbelievingly.
The families all went to bed half an hour later and they dreamed of the happy days that lay ahead in 1974, including the upcoming birthdays of Severus and Lily in only a few days or weeks' time.
The best friends' birthdays went by very quickly.
It was when they returned to Hogwarts. Severus was surprised with a party in the Ravenclaw common room, Quincey hosting it with the other Ravenclaws and letting all the members of the Union. Severus loved his birthdays and Christmas celebrations more and more with each year that had passed lately, mostly because quite unlike the majority of his old life, he was loved. He also spoke to his mother via the Floo Network, during the party.
"Don't be up too late, now, will you?" she warned.
"No, Mum," he promised.
He had been given many gifts too, including a brand-new cauldron, made of gold. It was a joint gift from Lily, Eileen and Robin.
"Lily," he murmured in awe.
"I forgot all about it after what happened with Remus, Andromeda and Malfoy's bunch, but during Christmas, when we were unwrapping gifts in London, I remembered how much you wanted that gold cauldron in Ceridwen's in Hogsmeade, so I owled your mother and we agreed to share the purchase. I only donated a small amount compared to your mum and Robin, but I did my best, and I also gave you that too."
She pointed to a still-wrapped gift, that looked like a book.
"I don't care, you thought of it! Mum wouldn't have known. I never asked for the cauldron for my birthday or for Christmas! I forgot too! Thank you, Lils!"
"Any time, Sev," giggled Lily.
They looked like they wanted to kiss each other, but too many people were watching, and they resisted.
Lily's birthday went just as well. She had a morning Floo chat with her parents and Petunia. The latter looked around at the common room in awe. It was almost as interesting as sticking her head in a fireplace to have a wizarding phone call with her younger sister.
After that, gifts were exchanged in the Gryffindor common room before classes began, then that evening, the Union and the other Gryffindors had another party in Lily's name. She had many wonderful gifts, including an emerald necklace from Severus.
"This is so beautiful!" she cried.
"Happy 14th," whispered her best friend as they cuddled, and he put the necklace on her.
Lily knew with certainty that she and Severus would be dating soon. If he didn't make the first move, she would.
At the end of the party, the group also acknowledged the unfortunate absence of Remus.
"To his recovery!" toasted Lily, with her bottle of Butterbeer, provided by the house elves at Regulus and Melody's request.
The elves were growing fond of the Union members.
And that was how the birthdays passed, and soon came Valentine's Day, and although the students were beginning to think about their exams, the hype for kissing and chocolates and a visit to Hogsmeade was buzzing across Hogwarts.
Severus asked Lily if she would accompany him but didn't dare say it was as his date. He was still too reserved, and still frightened and ashamed of his past.
Lily eagerly accepted.
"But only if you take me to anywhere But Madam Puddifoot's!" she giggled. "So much pink!"
Severus chuckled in agreement.
"I wouldn't take you there even if you implored me!" he said.
"You'd do anything for Lily, don't lie!" teased James, whom was with Rebecca, his arm around her waist.
"Oh, shut up!" snapped Severus, though not with as much conviction as he would have done with the original James.
James laughed and led Rebecca away.
Quincey and Mary, meanwhile, had openly announced their relationship properly the day before Valentine's Day, and were planning to visit Madam Puddifoot's again. Quincey had a weakness for over-sugared tea and Mary loved the exaggerated romantic theme, especially in the company of her boyfriend.
Sirius and Marlene were also going, along with James and Rebecca. But both the males felt bad about going around enjoying themselves with Remus in his current state. But that was when Peter stepped up to the mark.
"I don't mind staying behind with Remus," he said, "It's not like I've got a date on Valentine's Day."
He looked slightly forlorn as he said this.
"Thanks, Pete, but don't beat yourself up about it. The perfect girl for you is out there somewhere," said James encouragingly.
"And for Remus, too!" added Sirius optimistically.
Peter blushed, but there was clearly hope in his eyes. He rushed off upstairs to join Remus.
"Do you think that's a good idea?" asked Severus. "He doesn't know about Remus' condition, and if he acts like he has been lately…he might figure it out."
"I'm not too sure Peter is clever enough," said Sirius.
Severus knew that could be the case. Despite being friends with a werewolf, Peter nearly flunked an exam question about them on the day Severus' friendship with Lily died in the original universe.
"Alright…if you say so," he replied.
Soon, the friends had split up to do their own thing in Hogsmeade for Valentine's Day. Mary was appalled that Lily had actually told Severus that she didn't want to join them at Madam Puddifoot's. But eventually, she concluded most cheekily that Lily just wasn't as romantic as she was.
"You wait till I find you later!" called Lily, as Mary ran off.
Severus didn't hear what Mary had said but knew Lily would make good on her word to get even.
The two of them went on to the Three Broomsticks, and they saw some other friends there. Alice and Frank were sharing meals together, and Nora was on her first date with a Gryffindor fifth year.
They found their own little space to sit together, and Severus went to order some Butterbeers and a lunch each.
"My treat," he said to Lily.
"My, my, such a gentleman!" giggled Lily.
Severus tried not to blush.
"So, tell me, Sev…is this meant to be a date?" teased Lily, feeling that now was the right time.
Severus was flummoxed at her prompt and sudden question. His face fully flushed this time, and he nearly fell out of his seat. It was almost comical to the cheeky Lily.
"I-I…"
Lily worried a little at his hesitation.
Severus was so keen to admit his feelings for Lily openly, at long last. But at the same time, his memories of the past were blocking him. They were an obstacle in his way, and he feared the idea of entering a relationship with Lily without her knowing what the boy she wished to date really was…a ruthless spy, a former Death Eater…a killer.
Lily rose from her seat.
"I see I got the wrong end of the stick."
"No, no! Don't go, please!"
Severus sounded so desperate that Lily froze, almost shocked at how terrible he sounded.
"Y-you just took me by surprise," he murmured, trying to control himself.
"But do you think we may ever see each other in that way?" asked Lily, trying to sound indifferent with whatever answer he provided.
Severus decided to be as honest as possible. The guilt of his memories was too much to bear at the moment.
"I'm already there, Lils. But…I don't know if I am ready to…get into that sort of thing yet."
Lily breathed out deeply. Severus had just admitted that he saw her as more than a friend, and it didn't entirely surprise her that he was not ready. Although, her thoughts of his reasons were due to his abusive father and his mother's relationship being his primary example of a coupling.
"I understand, Sev. I'll be here when you are…cos…I'm there too!"
Severus was so happy that Lily had just confessed her own feelings for him after all. She was falling in love with him. She did care for him as more than a friend in this world. He was getting his wish after all this time.
The rest of the day went by without any trouble.
On the walk back to Hogwarts, the two friends met up with Quincey and Mary, and they endured the pair's romantic dinner scenario, and how they felt closer than ever on this Valentine's Day.
"He got me this promise ring!" squealed Mary to Lily, once they were separated to go to the Common Room to get ready for dinner.
The ring was sparkling red to represent the house Mary was in, and it had carved around it, Q and M.
"That's so cute!" said Lily keenly, holding her friend's hand closer to observe the ring.
"I don't think it's real ruby," said Mary, "His family aren't rich, but I still love it so. It shows how much he cares about me and our relationship."
"What did you give him?"
"A trip to second base, and a pair of lovers' underwear."
"You're awful!" gasped Lily, clasping her hands to her face. It had gone bright red.
"Yet you all love me!"
"Do not!"
Severus and Quincey, on the other hand, had no intention of boasting about their day with their respective girls.
"So, how was your day?"
"Not bad."
Just then, Peter, James and Sirius came running up the corridor, spotted the pair and delightedly called to them.
"Remus is making progress!" cheered Peter.
"He's talking again? He's healing?" asked Quincey eagerly.
"Not exactly," replied James, "but he has stopped making those weird noises. He no longer looks like he wants to maul you, but he does look…haunted."
"What did Pomfrey say?"
"That he is likely losing his weirdness gained from the attack," said Sirius cryptically, "but he likely has a very muddled memory. It'll take time still, at the most, a year or two."
Severus and Quincey looked forlorn to hear that.
"But at the same time, Pomfrey says it could be as soon as Easter. We just don't know yet. Time will tell."
Severus and his friends spread the news amongst their Houses, and to the others in the Union the following morning, and each of them prayed to Merlin, and in Severus' case; the Higher Ones, that Remus would recover as soon as Easter after all.
But Easter passed by in almost no time, and the exams were due to begin soon. Any hopes of Remus recovering in enough time to not be held back for a year were now nullified. To make matters worse, he made no further progress in his recovery since Valentine's Day.
Severus went to visit him alone. He felt deeply ashamed at how much Remus had missed. While he still to this day could never forgive the original Marauders, he had grown to truly care for this version of Remus as a good friend, and to know that even if he did fully recover, he would be stuck in Hogwarts for another year…a year without his friends once they graduated.
He had also had his own concerns beyond Remus. He had spoken to Lily Potter recently, and informed her that despite his fair fortunes of late, he still had darkness in his heart. He still couldn't bring himself to stop hating the original Marauders, and he still only felt an acquaintanceship with the new ones, bar Remus. He also felt hate for both Dumbledores. Oh, he was indebted to the original one for being there for him, albeit distantly, and for granting him his chance for redemption, as well as his second chance at life…but he hated him for corrupting his soul with murder, and for all the injustice he had suffered because of Dumbledore's prejudice and 'Greater Good.'
Dumbledore had overlooked every bit of suffering he had endured at the hands of the Marauders, and although he gave as much as he got, he hardly found it fair that it was always four against one. Remus may not have harmed Severus, but he turned a blind eye and if a staff member ever caught them, Remus, as a prefect reluctantly lied to turn all the blame of the incident onto Severus.
Even more reprehensible, Severus never to this day received justice for the attempt on his life by Sirius Black. Dumbledore may have had reason to hide the truth to protect Remus, but he never offered Severus any form of consolation nor compensation for what could have been his murder. The last straw was Lily abandoning him for one slur of the moment. Dumbledore then proceeded to manipulate Severus and allowed Harry and Lupin to humiliate him many times over without punishment.
Lily Potter understood Severus' hatred and despair.
"Your justice came with your second chance though, Sev," she had said.
"No, I came back to try and make things right in another world and I got the bonus of having a chance with this world's Lily," he had replied. "I wanted to end another Voldemort myself since I got my memories back. I owe it to the world I left such a dark smudge on. But Potter and his cronies…they had all their privileges handed on a plate."
"They still had hard times too, Sev," said Lily with a hint of hardness in her tone. "James lost his parents and his own life far too early, Sirius rotted in Azkaban for 12 years and two years later died without pardon, Peter wasted his life as a coward, and both my Remus and your new Remus have had discriminated lives as werewolves."
"You and Potter had each other, and now your families too. You were never separated after death like we were…Black should have gone to Azkaban that night he tried to make me into dog food! He got what he deserved, only under the guise of another crime! Wormtail got what he deserved too and you know it. And I care for this Remus, but that one was nothing more than a coward and a liar!"
"Sev!"
Severus had been so sad to hear that tone again. It was like Lily always took her husband's side on things…like him nearly dying didn't really matter. Like all the suffering that ruined his childhood at Hogwarts was worthwhile because she found love and friendship, and that was all that mattered.
These thoughts angered him and he dropped the Stone.
He wasn't due another talk with Lily until summer. And at the moment, he wasn't sure if he wanted to.
And now, as he sat with his wakeful but silent and still friend, Severus sighed in despair.
"Can you understand me, Remus?"
There was no response.
"I just don't know what to do. You're my friend, you all are, to an extent. But I just can't forgive them."
He didn't speak out who 'them' were.
"I hate them so much, Remus…and I hate those Death Eater wannabes who did this to you. But how can I ever hate her, even when she chose those shitheads over me?"
Severus genuinely didn't know what to do when he died again. He couldn't bear the idea of leaving Lily Potter as a friend, as she so readily did to him. But at the same time, he couldn't bear the company she kept, and even though he had the new world's Lily likely in dating's grasp, it still made him sick to his stomach to envisage his best friend kissing James Potter, or speaking highly of him as her soulmate and husband.
"How can we remain friends at the end?"
Remus had no answer and apparently, no comprehension or concept of the one-sided conversation in the slightest.
Sorry, it's taken a month. Been busy at university. But this filler chapter is now over, and I can't wait to tell the next few chapters! Big changes are coming, some good, some bad, very bad! Keep reading, reviewing and loving, please! Thank you!