-Chapter 8-
Confluence
"Cousin Eiko has been visiting Alexandria often since we came back from Lindblum; lessons with her have been taking place on my off days from regular lessons. She certainly has vast knowledge about the history of the Eidolons which has made me understand who they are and what they are known for. She felt my need to understand who they are before we move forward with learning how to communicate with them was considered the most important part of learning the ways of the summoner. I understand that this great power requires much responsibility and it is one I chose to undertake.
However since my lessons with Eiko begun…I've started noticing papa has been acting slightly different lately. I always ask him if he is alright and his responses are he's just fine, just tired and worn out from his rehearsals and long nights helping auntie Ruby with her theatre. Part of me feels like he's not alright, he was not one to always be so tired from his work. I've known him long enough to know that he hasn't been speaking the truth about his well-being.
Have I done something wrong to him? Is me undertaking these lessons effecting him?
He has giving me his good graces…but is it really hurting him inside? Is there something else on his mind that is worrying him? I don't want papa to have to worry about me, I know I've asked much from him lately about who I am and what I am capable of. I've even asked mother if he alright too, she can tell there is something bothering him also.
I don't want papa to think I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, I want him to see that I want to be as responsible as he and mother are with everything they do for me."
"Zid?"
"Hmm?"
"You haven't touched your soup yet…is it alright?"
"Huh…oh it's fine…just…not really hungry."
"Hmm…"
Zidane found himself slowly twirling his spoon in his bowl of tomato bisque soup, beside it some untouched slices of white bread, a small cup of grapes and a glass of water. His eyes seem distracted, his own wife noticing he's not spewing his usual flirt filled words that always put a smile on her face. The moment felt awkward to her, she gently lifted her spoon towards her mouth and took a soft sip of her own soup while keeping her eyes on her husband. She lowered the spoon back into the bowl.
"Zid…Zoe would like to go on a walk with you, will you be happy to go with her?"
The family pet's ears perked up to her name being called as she rose up from laying on the floor and started panting happily.
"Huh? Oh…yeah of course…I'll take her out…" his voice sounded so bland to her; his cheerful voice always made her enjoy their times together when it was just the two of them. It helped her get through the day, knowing when dinner time was just around the corner, he would be the voice that takes away all the negative energy she may be feeling along with her daughter's presence to add the cherry on top.
"Zid…is something bothering you?"
Zidane held his spoon in place; he looked at Garnet's brown eyes, her black soft short hair, her soft and smooth skin, her small hint of red lipstick, his perfect love of his life before him looking to him with much concern. It had been awhile since Zidane had ever felt distraught; the last time he ever felt closely to this was during her emotional outburst when he thought he was failing her as a husband. He was slowly recalling the words of his friend during their trip to Lindblum about his daughter. Which led to the possibility of what if his daughter were to inadvertently become hostile? He would never let himself live the end of it knowing that he failed her.
"Just…something that Blank brought up when I went back to see if anyone was back at the hideout." He said as he leaned back against his white cushions chair and letting go of the spoon.
"Hmm? What did he say?"
"Just…little something about Sarah…that's all…"
Garnet laid her spoon beside her bowl on top of a clean napkin. She felt a small weight on her knee as she looked down spotting Zoe. She let out a small smile and laid a hand on top of Zoe's head and looked back at Zidane.
"What did he say? Is it something he was concerned about?"
Zidane nodded his head gingerly.
"Dag…am I…being over protective…of Sarah?"
Garnet felt surprised by Zidane's question; she knew he was protective of herself and their daughter but being over protected was something she rarely thought of him as.
"What makes you ask that?"
Zidane looked out towards the dining hall exit, expecting someone to walk in on them.
"I'm not sure to be honest…"
She took her hand off Zoe's head as the pet started to whimper a bit, she looked down to her. "Zoe go to Zidane." She asked as Zoe lifted her head off the Queen's knee and jotted towards Zidane. Zoe started sniffing Zidane's pants as he felt her nose brushing against him. He looked down towards the family pet seeing her look up towards him and letting her tongue hang out with joy in her eyes.
"I guess what I meant to say was…I don't even know what I'm even saying…"
Garnet let out a small sigh.
"Zid, it's not like you to be confused and this distraught. Did Blank say something that…upset you?"
Zidane shook his head, he looked up towards Garnet.
"No…he didn't upset me…it's jus…we had a brief chat about Sarah…that…she's growing up and I might be holding her back…"
Garnet let out a small gasp.
"You would never do such thing…is it because of what happened at her birthday?"
Zidane closed his eyes.
"Maybe it is…" he opened his eyes looking towards his wife. "I feel like…I still see her as the small little girl who ran around the palace with her cheerful laughter, full of bubbly energy and always wanting to play when she's not at lessons…I keep forgetting she's growing up and she has…so many questions about the world around her and who she is too…"
"Oh my…" Garnet softly responded. "Do you miss the days when she was a child?"
Zidane closed his eyes.
"…Sometimes…"
He opened his eyes again and kept his attention towards Garnet.
"I forget that she's grown so much and is only getting older and smarter. Apart of me feels like she might go down that awful path Kuja went through…she's been asking so many questions about him…"
Garnet shuttered at the thought of her own daughter falling in the path of their once villain who was a threat to the home they lived in. It goes without say in her own mind that occasionally she did wonder if her own daughter would start asking about her relatives from Madain Sari.
"Zid…be honest with me…are you afraid she might follow his path?"
Zidane closed his eyes.
"I…I think I am…" he stuttered.
Garnet saw on her husband's face as clear as rain; to see his own daughter following the footsteps of their former adversary. It was without a doubt their shared fears, for Zidane however it hits much closer for someone who can relate more closely with Sarah in light of their own heritage as a created species.
"I don't blame you at all Zidane."
Zidane opened his eyes and looked at his wife.
"What do you mean?"
"I would be lying if I wasn't just as concerned about her following that same path too Zidane." Garnet said as she looked off blankly at the nearby windows just passed Zidane. "Zid I'm not just worried about Sarah's well-being…I feel as if…there may be more…political unrest that may soon be coming her way."
Zidane arched an eyebrow.
"What do you mean?"
Garnet closed her eyes and let out a sigh. She opened her eyes and turned her attention towards her husband.
"I've been hearing rumors from Minister Blair that…many nobles are not exactly…too pleased with what had happened at her birthday…" Garnet lowered her eyes. "I feel as if our actions we acted upon were not well met…"
"Dag…we made that choice together on it…I know it's not in your favor but…we have to protect our daughter…and…I feel like I'm not making things any easier for her…"
Garnet shook her head and looked back at Zidane.
"It's not your fault…I understand all the stress we've been putting on her seems to be taking a toll and…she's trying to find an outlet to release it…"
"Don't say that…we both swore to do whatever it take to look out for her…even if we have to revisit our pasts…"
Zidane looked down towards a whimpering Zoe who started nudging her nose against his stomach; he laid his right hand on her head as the dog pulled her head back and started licking Zidane's hand.
"Zoe…what are you doing?" Zidane let out a small smile.
"She must sense the stress in you…" Garnet said.
"Yea…some smart pooch she is huh?" Zidane looked back towards Garnet.
"Dag…I think Sarah is starting to catch on to a lot of the stuff we did back then…I'm just worried everything that's happened to her since her birthday is about to catch up to her…I'm kinda nervous about her taking lessons from Eiko…"
"I understand…but we can't lie to her either and we'd only be holding her back if she didn't learn about who she is…"
Zidane glanced towards his glass of water, seeing the small hint of swirls reacting to his left leg shaking in place. To raise a child was an unexpected life experience he never thought he'd find himself in; which to his own surprise he was able to raise a child in the world of the palace where as to his average life with Tantalus was more about heists and theatre. No doubt in his own mind his daughter is bright with smarts and curiosity she inherited from Garnet. To not nourish it in his view would be seen as a failure on his part.
"Maybe I have been too overprotective of her..."
Garnet shook her head.
"You haven't been…your only just nervous about her own future that's all…" The Queen reassured.
"You…you think so?"
Garnet smiled.
"Zid I've seen the way you smile when you held her over your shoulders, the same smile you have when you see her return from her studies, the same smile you have when you return home from your tours & rehearsals, and the same smile you see every time she enters the room. Even to this very day, you have that same smile I see, it's the very one I know you truly care for her."
Zoe suddenly rested her head on top of Zidane's lap as he looked down towards the dog. Zoe's eyes looked directly towards his blue eyes feeling at peace. Zidane couldn't help but let out a smile.
"That's the same smile you give our daughter and the same you give to me when you are at peace Zid."
Zidane looked up towards Garnet's delightful smile towards him.
"Zid…I know you're afraid…and it's alright to be afraid, I'm very certain that our daughter will understand you if you told her the truth. We all know each other best. All our daughter will ever ask for is our honesty as we have with her."
Zidane felt more relieved than he felt earlier; his wife's words sunk well with him. He wondered if his fearful feelings were part of being a father. Being his first child many feelings were very new to him, he had no other father like figures he could go to for advice; despite Baku being his only father figure he tried his best not to ask him only on account of his tough upbringing.
"We may have our moments when we feel as if we've done harm or may have no given our best to those we love but when they bring joy to us, we do what we can to keep the trust we've bonded with. You Zidane have taught many of us how to care for those around us for no reason at all because it's the right thing to do, no matter how hard the task is."
"….Using my words against me huh?" Zidane smirked. Garnet let out a soft chuckle.
"I learned from the best…didn't I?" the Queen teased.
"Damn straight!" He responded proudly. "Dag…thanks for that…I…I really appreciate it."
Garnet smiled.
"Anything for you Zid."
…
"Have you ever had that problem too?"
"Huh? Uhm…no…I…I haven't…"
"Alright let's try…this…"
"OW!"
"OH NO! I'M SO SORRY!"
"It's…it's…oh dear I forgot my line again."
"Hahaha! It's okay, that's why we improvise!"
Sarah walked beside Rose who was watching her friend adjust her posture, arching her back straight and lowering her raised elbows just past her mid-drift.
"Now, say it once more while twitching your head outward, it looks more believable if you do like so." Sarah twitched her own head to her right with her face cringing. She looked back towards her friend as she watched. "Give it a try. Remember your line is it's alright, tis a flesh wound."
"Hmm….HMM."
Rose twitched her head to her left. "OW!" she screamed as Sarah watched.
"Oh no! I'm so sorry!"
"It's…it's quite alright. Tis a flesh wound."
Sarah smiled. "Better! I liked it!" Rose blushed a little as she held her cheeks. "Is…it alright? Did I say it correctly?"
Sarah wrapped an arm around her friend's shoulders as Rose let out a small yelp in surprise.
"See you can be an actress too! I've been taking some extra curriculum in theatre since papa is a professional actor. I wanna learn as much as I can before helming the throne."
"Me…me? An actress?" Rose said feeling a bit confused.
"Why not? Why settle for less when we can do so much together." Sarah smile while looking towards the windows in her room. "When that day comes, I'm gonna be the first Queen in Alexandria's history who'll be an actress too!" Sarah pointed toward one of the windows.
"Uhm…that sounds…quite a challenge Your…er…Sarah…" Rose looked towards the window.
Sarah released her hold on her friend as she walked towards the window; she pressed her hands against them opening them to the sounds of the outside world. A small breeze brushed her hair as she took a sniff of the clean air.
"Rose come take a look." She looked over her shoulder while beckoning her friend.
"Uhm…sure…" Rose walked towards her friend as Sarah smiled. Rose stood beside Sarah as they booth looked out the window. The warm clear skies air felt nice against their skin, Sarah felt as if she was flying on the Red Rose deck as she closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of the canal flowing around the palace, the sounds of birds chirping their hearts out, and the bustling crowds of Alexandria.
"Isn't it beautiful Rose?" Sarah looked to her friend; Rose gingerly looked back to her friend.
"It…it is…it's a beautiful day, it's sad that…the summers won't last for long though."
"I know…I wish this weather would last forever, gods if only Ifrit would find a way to make this warm air stay this way."
"If…Ifrit?" Rose blinked.
"Ifrit, eidolon of fire, he's the one who helps bring in the warm air when Shiva isn't sending us through the winters season."
"Oh…I've…never known that…I don't think any of our studies taught us…that…"
Sarah looked towards her friend.
"Nope, I've been taking lessons from cousin Eiko about Eidolons. It's been something I've wanted to learn since coming back from Lindblum."
Rose arched an eyebrow; she was surprised by her friend's newest addition to her lessons.
"When…did Lady Eiko become a scholar? I never knew she was one."
Sarah smiled.
"She's doing this for me as a favor, it's kind of a special kind of lesson I wanted to venture into."
"Oh…does…does this mean we won't have…time to let for one another?"
"Of course not Rose, I would never let any more studies affect time between us. Gods no!"
Sarah wrapped her arm around Rose's waist as her friend let out a small yelp being pulled closer.
"Rose I want you to know why I did what I did on my birthday, it's been bothering me for quite some time now…I know that something inside of me holds some powers that I want to keep in check. Because the last thing I want to do is hurt someone I care for."
Rose felt her cheeks burning slightly she looked into her friend's blue eyes meeting with her brown eyes. She always felt it was her duty to protect her friend yet her own friend wants to protect her as well.
"But…isn't…it my…my duty to do such protection?" Rose said as she gently brushed Sarah's arm off her and took a step back.
Sarah shook her head.
"It's also my duty to protect the people here as well and it goes double for my own family and for you as well."
Rose let out a small sigh.
"I…I know I'm not enlisted but…I want to protect you as well."
"Rose."
Sarah placed her arms on Rose's shoulders.
"You're my best friend in the world, I trust you with my life, I know if there ever comes a day where you have to protect me against myself, I know you'll do the right thing in your heart. Please promise me you will do that…won't you?"
Rose felt her chest tighten up by the words. She didn't fully understand what Sarah had meant by protecting her against herself. The young lady could see it in her friend's eyes how serious she was about her words. Was it an act as a princess or an act as a friend?
"I…I don't know…if…if I can…I feel so weak…" Rose solemnly said looked away towards the window. Sarah gently placed her left hand on Rose's cheek and moved her face back towards herself.
"Rose you're not weak…I don't need you helming Alexandrian armor to prove to me you are strong. I don't need you to be a General to prove to me you are strong. I don't need you taking your mother's sword to prove to me you are strong. All I ask for you is to always be true to yourself because then you are showing me how strong you really are to me."
A small breeze flew passed the two women as their hair flew gently along. Rose studied her friend's hopeful face, the warmth from her hand on her cheek felt like freshly blossomed dandelions. The soothing voice of her friend eased the young woman's anxiety; it slowly became clear to her that all her friend wanted was for her to always be herself.
"I…I promise Sarah…" Rose said with a small hint of courage in her voice. Sarah smiled and embraced her friend. Rose gingerly wrapped her arms in response as her eyes peered towards Alexandria in the distance.
"I…I hope I'm doing the right thing…" Rose thought as she and Sarah pulled away.
"It means a lot to me when we make promises Rose, I know you'll do what's right." Sarah smiled.
Rose nodded.
"Say Rose, do you mind if I ask you something?"
"Wha…what is it?"
Sarah extended her hands towards the tea table in the center of her room as Rose looked along; she looked back at Sarah and nodded. The two walked together towards the table as they both took their seats, Rose blankly stared at the small vase full of wisteria fully blossomed on the table.
"I'm still in love with these wisteria you made for me, it really does match atmosphere of my room." Sarah complimented as her friend looked towards her.
"Tha…thank you…they were quite a challenge to put together…it took me nearly four days to perfect them." Rose said softly as she felt her hands held together gripping themselves tightly.
"I hope they weren't too much trouble, every plant inside my room have lasted so many years, usually from what I hear they only can last for such a short amount of time but yours have proven many florists wrong."
Rose could feel small heat like sensation on her cheeks, as she looked at her friend smiling at her handy work.
"I'm…I'm glad…"
Sarah tilted her head.
"Rose…are you alright?"
Rose hastily nodded her head.
"I…I am…but you wanted to ask me something? Was…was that what you meant?"
Sarah shook her head.
"Not exactly but…I wanted to ask if…if you've noticed my papa acting…a bit different lately?"
Rose was a bit surprised to hear such a question being asked of her. It was extremely rare for her friend to ever ask about her father acting out of character. For as long as Rose knew Zidane, he always appeared as the strong minded person who never let anything get in his way, only the very few times when he felt a bit down, he immediately bounced right back and was strong minded again.
"Lord Zidane? What do you mean by…acting differently?" she asked feeling puzzled.
Sarah looked out towards the leading out of her room for a moment then back to Rose.
"Papa hasn't been himself since coming home from Lindblum…he's been distant around me lately. When we speak to one another he sounds so reluctant, always making excuses like he's too tired or not feeling well. I feel as if something is bothering him yet he won't speak of it."
Rose blinked in disbelief; Sarah's own father making excuses was certainly not something anyone in the palace knew Zidane was not one for pushing away his own daughter.
"Maybe…he's been tired from all his travels? He…he always seems so busy…" Rose said trying to find some meaning behind Zidane's recent acts.
"But it's not like papa to ever look tired or exhausted, he always have a sprout of energy in him around me and mother."
Rose gave thought of all the times seeing Zidane flirting with the Queen in plain sight, sharing laughs with Sarah, and even making joking remarks at her own father that made Steiner fume with fury at random times where they always ended with the two sharing a laugh together.
"Maybe…maybe Lord Zidane may have much on his mind?"
Sarah shook her head.
"I feel as if I've added more stress to him…taking lessons from cousin Eiko…"
"Did he…give you his permission to take lesson from Lady Eiko?"
Sarah nodded.
"He did…perhaps…maybe everything that had happened since my birthday…maybe he's had to undertake repercussion from all the nobles with mother…" Sarah lowered her head as Rose looked on.
"But…Sarah…your father seemed more aggressive during your birthday when he and your mother told…all the nobles to leave…"
"Which makes my point even more valid…the nobles must all hate him for what he and mother did…"
"I…I don't think he seemed to care about them…least ever since then…he hasn't seemed to have changed…at least that I observe…when I do see him."
Sarah raised her head with her eyes looking towards Rose's gentle brown eyes.
"What of lately?"
Rose held her chin trying to think of her recent encounters with Zidane, their conversations were casual most topics of Sarah, her own studies, her parents, and her swordsman training. She couldn't think of any of the moments seeing anything out of the ordinary, unless she was distracted by her own thoughts.
"I…I'm not sure of to be honest…I'm sorry…I'm…I'm not of any help of this but…I feel as if there must be a reason for the way he has been acting lately…maybe it's the stress from the nobles? I'm not so sure…"
Sarah let out a sigh, she looked towards the large painting of the palace in her room as Rose looked along too.
"Rose…sometimes I wonder if I've caused enough harm to my parents lately…now that I want to learn more about myself and my heritage…I feel as if I've committed an unspoken taboo in our family. Yet I want to understand my capabilities because…I don't want to make the same mistake my uncle did…"
"You mean…Kuja?" Rose said as she tenderly bit the bottom of her lip.
Sarah nodded.
"I know uncle caused much grief in my family…I don't want to make that same mistake with my own fears…my fears could lean more closer to a dark place where if I were to accidently fall in to the same trance state as he did…I could…I could…potentially cause more harm than good…" Sarah looked towards Rose as her friend looked to her as well.
"Trance?"
"Trance is an is an emotional trembling that causes our emotions to surge into a power entity like being that raises our strength and give us powerful abilities that normal magic."
Rose shook her head in disbelief.
"Is it…dangerous?"
"It…it could be…if not used correctly…"
"How does one…learn of this?"
"I'm not so sure…mother and papa couldn't really give a good example of how one trances…it seems to vary from person to person. It's quite possible we all have the ability to trance yet unleashing it seems to be different individually speaking."
"Oh…that's…rather fascinating."
"Hmm…I feel bringing up this topic and learning more of my heritage might be the reason papa might be distant with me lately…I feel as if I must do something to assure him that…I'm not going to fall like uncle did."
Rose nodded.
"Sarah…have you spoke with your father yet about this? About…how you feel about his…acts?"
Sarah shook her head.
"….I…I haven't…"
"Maybe if you both sat together…maybe together somewhere in private…maybe that would help ease the strange act you…you are observing?"
Sarah let out a sincere sigh and smiled.
"You always seem to have the right words for everything Rose."
Rose blinked in disbelief.
"I…I do?"
Sarah nodded.
"It may not seem much but…everything you help me with always gives me a push in the right direction. I've been meaning to ask papa but…I always felt a bit worried I might upset him more and I shouldn't, he's my papa and I know he'll always be honest with me."
"Hmm!" Rose nodded.
"Thanks for listening to my banter Rose; I know I can always trust you with anything on my mind."
"Hmm…it's my pleasure…and…I know you'll always do the same…for…for me…" Small hints of red crept on Rose's cheeks as she looked away slightly as Sarah let out a soft chuckle.
"Come on Rose, why don't we go back to your place real quick so I can watch you train with Uncle Steiner?" Sarah hovered over her table with her arms laid on top. Rose let out a small gasp with a tiny hint of her chest compressing.
"You…you wish…to watch me train with…father?" she nervously responded.
"Yep! I wanna see my best friend in action! I bet you're an amazing swordsman too!" Sarah smiled.
"Uhm….uhm…uhm…certainly…it would be…uhm…an honor."
Sarah smiled happily.
…
"Zi…Zid I'm trying to-"
"No stopping me now!"
"Zi…ZID! Stop I can't concentrate!"
"I'm such a stud aren't I?"
Garnet playfully slapped Zidane just above his shoulders as he kept brushing his head against her short black hair while failing to resist laughing. Zidane playfully brushed his hands all over Garnet's upper torso from behind as she was sitting at her desk inside her study room. Garnet knew this was just another day in her life but one she didn't mind at times, when permitted of course, she kept finding her right hand fidgeting with her quill while her left was trying to keep Zidane off her.
"Zid…please I really do need to finish this letter to the residents over near the chapel." The Queen pleaded as she felt Zidane's cheek meeting her own.
"Okaayy." He playfully responded as he stood tall and laid his hands on her skin exposed shoulders from her white floral dress.
"Think they'll like your new plans for that area?" he followed up.
The Queen nodded.
"I truly believe building a new library will certainly encourage the youth and children more exposure in literature since the nearest one is quite a distance. Plus I'm sure many of the older residents there will certainly seek relief in a relaxing and peaceful environment." She said feeling pleased with her latest decision. She continued writing as Zidane watched, amazed by her decisions making a difference in her kingdom, despite many setbacks since revealing her true herself from many outside influences many people in Alexandria felt Garnet's knowledge of the world she exposed herself outside of the kingdom help her understand what Alexandria needed to be successful rather than be focused on more financial gains.
"This is why people love your decisions you make for them, you see the long term effects with the short term goals reaching to everyone's future." Zidane said as his hands gently began massaging the Queen's shoulders.
"Hmm, I have you to thank…if you hadn't shown me what Gaia was like…I would've been more secluded to only what's here rather than expose the world to everyone here in Alexandria." She responded as her she felt her shoulders feeling relieved by the tension she felt.
A gentle bark could be heard as Zoe watched the couple enjoying their time together while sitting beside Garnet's oak desk. They looked over to her as she started panting.
"And you young lady will have another place to visit when Sarah takes you out for your walks." The Queen said as she and Zidane smiled.
"And mebbe get yourself a boyfriend there too." Zidane teased as Garnet playfully batted Zidane's left hand. He laughed.
"Oh Zidane." She sighed happily as he smiled.
A loud knock came on the double doors leading out from the study room as everyone looked over; while Zoe's ears perked up and started sniffing in the direction of the knock.
"Oh that might be Melody; it must be time for dinner." Garnet said while looking up towards Zidane.
"Ahh is it that time already?" He said as he took his hands off Garnet and started stretching out his arms in the air.
"Please come in." the Queen announced.
The doors opened up as they were met with their daughter coming in, catching them by surprised but was very glad to see her. Sarah closed the door and approached her parents, as Zoe excitedly trotted towards the princess panting happily and circling around her. Sarah smiled and kneeled a bit brushing her pet's head for a bit, she stood up and gently bowed to her parents.
"I'm sorry for bothering you mother and papa." She said as she smiled.
They both shook their head.
"You're never a bother to us." Garnet replied. "Is everything alright?"
"Well…" She looked at Zidane, he instinctively knew he was her target; the look in her blue eyes despite being glad to be in her parent's presence he could tell he was on her mind.
"Papa…may…may I speak with you? Perhaps outside in private?" she asked.
Zidane quietly took a deep breath, he looked down towards Garnet as she looked up to him; her happy expression became concern yet she knew herself where this conversation was about to go. She gave him an encouraging nod; he could feel some pressure knowing that he had to face his daughter for his recent distant vibes he was giving off to her. They both turned their attention to their daughter; Garnet laid her quill on her desk and stood up from her chair.
"Why don't I let you both speak in here instead?" Garnet suggested.
Sarah looked to her mother; she was surprised by her suggestion.
"But…mother this is your private study, I don't wish to cause you to leave your own private chambers for papa and I." she said feeling slightly worried.
"It's quite alright, it's almost dinner time, perhaps I shall meet you both in the dining hall to give you both some space, it's more private here than out in the hallways." Garnet smiled.
"Oh…" Sarah looked to her father as he nodded at the idea.
"Your mother is right Sarah; I don't think we should be talking in the hallways where people could eavesdrop." She agreed.
"Hmm…" she looked to her mother giving her an assuring look; she nodded.
"Thank you mother, for allowing us to be here in private." Sarah held her hands together.
Garnet smiled and walked around her desk, she stood in front of her daughter as Zoe looked up to the Queen and started wagging her tail.
"Take as much time as you both need, I'm sure you both need it." Garnet hinted as she knew what their conversation was going to be about. Sarah nodded; the two embraced one another for a moment then pulled away.
"Do you want me to take Zoe too or?"
Sarah shook her head.
"She may stay, I almost haven't seen her all day, I'd like for her to be here." Sarah said as she looked towards Zoe who turned her attention towards her with her perked ears. The princess returned her attention towards her mother.
"Hmm, alrighty then." Garnet looked over to her husband. "Take as much time as you both need." Garnet winked at Zidane as he let out a sigh.
"We will." He said.
Garnet smiled and looked back towards her daughter.
"I'll see you both soon." She placed a hand on Sarah's cheek as she took one last look before taking her leave. She took her hand off and walked around her daughter making her way out of her study as both Sarah and Zidane watched. The moment the door shut, Zidane felt like the door being shut sounded louder than it normally did, as he watched his daughter still looking towards the door.
Sarah slowly looked down then slowly turned her attention towards Zoe for a moment as her pet tilted her head with both ears slowly flopping down. The princess' eyes slowly followed the red carpet beneath her feet leading up towards her mother's large oak wooden table with her father behind it as he observed her. She slowly found her eyes looking up towards her, her mind was nervous, she let out a small sigh and looked up to her father.
"Papa…I…I've been meaning to ask you something…." She said.
Zidane felt his eyes opening up wider as if something was about to be thrown at him. He slowly paced around his wife's desk, standing in front of it and jumping backwards sitting on top of it. Although frowned upon he was the only person in the entire palace to sit on the Queen's desk. Sometimes causing Steiner to lose his temper anytime he spotted the genome doing such an unfathomed deed. Sarah however knew this was typical of her father, going against society norms in the palace and being carefree of the world around him.
"What's on your mind?" He said while letting his hands grip the edge of the desk.
Sarah looked down at her pendant, lying against her three colored tunic. It was her trademark look many people around the world knew Sarah for, her blue, mint green, and soft red colored tunic, wrapped in a light blue obi, her pink long sleeve blouse. The princess let out another sigh and looked to her father.
"Papa…have…have I upset you…about my wishes to learn more about…myself and my heritage associating with the Eidolons and…trance?"
Zidane's tail let out a gentle twitch the moment his daughter finished the last word. He kept looking at her as if she was still a small child before him. He could feel the inside of his chest feeling numb in the moment, he kept looked up and down his daughter, from the top of her hair to the tips of her black flats, as if he was trying to find the answer on her somewhere. The reality is he knew what his answer was but was finding the courage to say it.
"Well…" he paused as he could see her worrisome blue eyes gazing at him like a lost puppy looking for a home. He had to do a double take on what he was about to say.
"I…the truth is…"
Sarah raised her hands to hold her pendant in between them, her tail slowly curled around her right leg in plain sight of his eyes. He noticed her small sky blue bow his sister gave to her still on her tail, showing small signs of the color fading. He shook his head and looked back at his daughter's face.
"The truth is…I'm…I'm worried about you learning all of this…" he said gingerly.
"Why?"
"Because…"
He closed his eyes.
"Part of me feels like…you're not ready to learn about all your potential powers…" his hands tighten the grip of the edge of the table. "Because…part of me feels like, you're still that small little child running around the palace carefree in the world, full of bubbly energy, wanting to play every time we're together…and helping your mother feel better about her traumatic stress."
Sarah felt her hands gently gripping her pendant tightly, part of her face felt slightly weak at her father's response.
"But papa…this…this means much for me…I…I want to understand why I am able to do all of this…I want to know what I can do…to prevent myself from harming others." She slightly raised her voice as Zidane closed his eyes.
"I understand Sarah…I really do…" he lowered his head feeling slightly ashamed.
"I just…have a hard time believing you're all grown up…" he raised his head as she let out a small gasp. "Sometimes I forget you're not little anymore. You've matured so fast and are learning so much about the world around you…I just…forget about the fact that you're all grown up now…" He let out a gentle smile.
"Then…I must ask…again papa…are you upset about me learning about everything I've asked about? Eidolons? Trance? And taking lessons from cousin Eiko?"
Zidane shook his head.
"Of course not…"
"Then…why were you so distant with me since we returned back from Lindblum?" she lowered her hands beside her hips.
Zidane let out a long sigh and looked around the study room.
"I was afraid…" he said as he stopped to look at a large painting of Black Mage Village above a large book case. Sarah looked along as she wondered why her father was looking at the painting.
"I was in part…afraid that you would make the same mistake…he did…"
Sarah looked at Zidane.
"Uncle?"
He nodded.
"But…uncle was afraid papa…wasn't he?"
"….Yeah…he was…and…being afraid was what led him down a dark path. Being afraid led to him to anger…that anger drove him to hate…and that hate turned into suffering…"
Sarah looked back at the painting; the painting was a gift from the people of Black Mage Village that her parents and friends saved during their excursion against Kuja. She remembered hearing the stories of how her aunt Mikoto watches over the genomes and black mages. She never had a chance to visit the village; even as a child. The opportunities were missed while she was a child only in part of having to take lessons in the palace which led to more study time after lessons, along with her time spent with family and her friend Rose.
"Papa…did you think I would…follow uncle's footsteps?"
Zidane cringed at the thought of his daughter becoming like Kuja; he and Garnet's worst nightmare. He looked back at his daughter with her worries in full view. Could he really see his own daughter fall into the same dark path as his own brother did? It was thought deep in the back of his own mind; he was more focused on spending as much time enjoying all the good the world had to offer Sarah rather than learn the reality of who she was and what her heritage was. It was inevitable that she was bound to learn sooner or later about his and Garnet's own past.
"I…I would hope not…yet with Eiko willing to teach you about Eidolons…I worry about what kind of impact it may have on you. I don't really know much about them compared to her but for me all I know is what trance can do to people…and the last thing your mother and I want to see…is to see you go down that path…"
Sarah felt her left hand suddenly become slightly damped and brushed; she looked down in surprise as Zoe gently began licking her hand. It surprised the princess, she couldn't understand why.
"Zoe, do you mind not doing that?" Sarah gently said as the pet's ears perked but continued licking her hand. Sarah slowly moved her hand away but Zoe's head kept following along.
"She's worried about you as well." Sarah looked up towards her father. "She probably knows you're feeling bothered by this conversation and wants you to feel better."
She looked back down at Zoe again seeing her continuously lick her hand.
"But…she doesn't understand what we're saying…" Sarah said.
"Animals have senses that we don't have when it comes to emotions. When they sense someone feeling down, they act upon it to do anything they can to make that person or animal feel better."
"They…they do?" Sarah looked back at her father.
Zidane nodded his head.
"Your mother told me about it awhile back actually…I never really knew about it actually. Then again I never had a family pet…your grandpa was always against the idea." Zidane starched the back of his head.
"Oh…you mean…this is our first family pet together?"
"Yup…very first one…I guess luck has it this lil gal is a keeper, very aware and well trained." Zidane smiled.
Sarah looked back at Zoe, the moment made her smile.
"Hmm…I guess if she can sense our emotions…then…she's as helpful as can be."
"That's right angel." Zidane smiled.
"Hmm." Sarah looked back towards her father. "Papa…I want you to please heed my promise to you."
Zidane arched an eyebrow, he slid off the desk and walked towards Sarah, she slightly looked up to him as he stood before her.
"I'm all ears." He said. She nodded, she raised her left hand as Zoe watched and sat looking up at the father and daughter. Sarah looked towards her father's right hand and for it, and then held it with both of her hands. She curled her fingers in his hand and looked up to him.
"I want you to know that…I understand you are afraid of my intentions to learn about my heritage. That may spark fear of the possibility of falling further into a dark place in my life; however I only wish to learn more of who I am because I understand these powers I may possess may be perceived as acts of evil when I only intend to only use in acts of good. As mother before me did I too understand that as a summoner I must adhere to my calling when the time may come. I only want to use them to protect those I love and care for the same way mother and cousin Eiko did. As you with your powers as well, I will not give into temptations to use them for evil and use out of fear as I did on my birthday. I know you may see me as a child still but I want you to know…I'm no longer a child anymore, I only chose to learn all of this for no benefit other than to understand the knowledge behind it and the responsibilities I carry with them. I also wish to assure you that…I am not upset at you for the way you distanced yourself when I took this path; I understand your feelings and your fears…and I still love you. I know it must be hard for you to hear all of this and see me undertake this path. I promise you papa I will cause no harm to others."
A small hint of tears could be seen in Sarah's eyes, Zidane watched his daughter keeping her hopeful look to him. The same daughter he saw from taking her first step as an infant to standing before her the most mature daughter he raised. His hand gently gripped tightly with his daughter's he saw her tears gently falling along her cheeks. Her path meant the world to her, he did not want to hold her back, he knew he had to let go of the small child he still sees her as, letting her take on the world the way she wants to. He let out a relieving sigh and leaned in gently to kiss his daughter on the cheek; he pulled his head back and smiled.
"I'm sorry for hurting you Sarah…" he said.
Sarah shook her head and smiled.
"I don't think any less of you papa."
"I'm…I'm just…so proud of you, you've grown so much all these years."
"And you have too papa."
Zidane smiled, he gently placed his free hand on her cheek as a few more tears gently brushed onto his fingers.
"No matter how old you get…you'll always be my little angel."
Sarah let out a relieving sigh.
"And you'll always be my papa." She sniffled as he brushed the tears off her cheeks.
"Sarah…I've said this again and I'll keep on saying it…if there is anything you need…please don't hesitate to ask and…I fully support your intention to learn about you heritage."
Sarah slowly let go of her father's hand and wrapped her arms around him as he embraced her. She rested her head on his chest brushing against his ribbon and jabot.
"Thank you…papa" she sighed happily.
Zidane rested his head against his daughter's short black soft hair.
"Anything for you Sarah and anything to make your life better and happier."
Zoe started panting happily and started brushing herself against the father and daughter's legs as her tail wagged fast.
Unbeknownst to them beyond the doors of the study room, leaning their back against the door on the other side, an eavesdropping mother smiling with a single tear falling along her cheeks.
"My parents have always told me, they will always support my life choices where ever they may take me. My own papa admitting me his fears made me understand him as a father. It's not easy seeing your own child wanting to learn more about their heritage when it is not one of ordinary circumstances. To witness someone close to you seeking havoc in the world you live in, is without a doubt a frightening thing to see and to see it take face again in the form of your own child, is a frightening experience no parent should ever have to see; much as seeing your child pass before yourself.
Papa has seen many things in this world and on Terra, to see uncle fall into a dark path and taking out one's anger over someone's fear can certainly cause much despair among those who seek redemption. Uncle was in fear of his own life and took his anger on those around him who savored life for the gift it has to offer. Our fear of dying should not be any reason to take out one's anger, causing to spiral into a hateful experience which leads to suffering.
If papa had continued to fear my choice, it wouldn't have been long before he showed his anger towards me. If I hadn't confronted him, it could have harmed our family and all he had worked for would be for nothing. I could never be upset at papa for being fearful; it's only a natural feeling to have when we see the ones we love go learn of the many traumatic experiences one goes through to understand who we are as people. I'm very grateful for papa being understanding of my wishes.
I love papa very much, I won't let him and mother down. I won't let our people down but most importantly.
I won't let myself down."