Letting Bella go home was… difficult. We had only two days of spring break left, and I mourned the lost time. Instead of spending that time enjoying each other's company – running through the ancient forest, sharing a hunt, watching the ever present cloud cover pass overhead in our meadow, the looming grey that used to feel so oppressive now felt like a comforting blanket thrown over us as we held each other in the soft green grass. All of my fantasies vanished, slipped away before I had the chance to turn them into reality. Instead, the final two days were spent scouring the woods for any trace of Victoria.
We didn't find anything.
It was infuriating.
What was just as equally infuriating was Bella's forced indifference. Bella put on a good show of it, but it was easy enough to see if you knew her as well as I did. The tightness around her eyes, the stiffness of her body as if she were anticipating an attack at any moment – she was restless and uneasy and I would have done anything to relieve her of this unnecessary stress.
Unfortunately, we had to return to school, lest we raise suspicion and put our cover in jeopardy. If it weren't for that I would have spent however long it took to hunt down the rogue vampire and return her decapitated head for Bella throw into the fire – my lack of tracking abilities be damned. Bella had healed completely, and had even joined the tracking efforts, but even with two werewolves and seven vampires there was just nothing to be found.
With only a few hours until school, I forced myself to give up the hunt in order to actually hunt. I headed out with Jasper and together we took down a couple of deer before the itch to check on Bella became unbearable. Jasper knew better than to say anything to try and stop me, he simply nodded once in my direction before he took off in search of further sustenance.
I came to a stop in the thick woods that bordered the Swan house, allowing the sound of Bella's heartbeat and gentle breaths calm me as the remnants of her scent wafted from the house and coated my skin like a balm. I timed my breaths to Bella's gentle snores, a soft smile curled my lips as I closed my eyes in ecstasy as the proof of Bella's existence consumed me.
My steady breathing caught in my throat as Bella's breathing pattern shifted dramatically. I tried in vain to match her new rhythm but it was no use. Bella's breathes were erratic and unsteady – a pained whimper, like a kicked dog, crashed through my mind like thunder and I was halfway up the tree that stood outside her window before I had even registered the thought. I peered in the darkened window to see Bella thrashing in her bed, pale legs tangled in a bed sheet and sweat slicked hair cast about her head.
"No." Bella groaned as she grasped at the bed sheet beneath her in white-knuckled fists. I itched to open the window and go to her, but I could already hear Charlie stirring in the next room and I didn't want him coming in to find his daughter in distress and a vampire in her bedroom. Bella let out a keening wail, mournful and terrified, my chest tightened painfully as I fought the urge to rush to her side. My fingers twitched towards the window frame, I was mere inches away from prying it open when I saw Charlie burst into the room. Dark mahogany hair a wild mane about his head, mussed from sleep and so very different from the carefully combed style he usually wore, his deep brown eyes glowed with streaks of yellow as he frantically scanned the room before zeroing in on Bella's frenzied form. Without wasting a second he rushed over to her side.
"Bella!" Charlie barked, Bella only responded with a whimpering cry. Charlie reached forward and took each of Bella's shoulders in hand and shook her lightly, "Bella wake up! It's not real! It's a nightmare!"
With a gasp and a half-formed scream Bella regained consciousness. Unnaturally yellow eyes blinked open, wide but unseeing they flashed feverishly around the room before settling on Charlie's hunched form. Bella's arms flailed before she planted her hands on her father's chest shoved him away with a rabid growl. Charlie grunted, a stifled oof sound as Bella's hands connected with his chest and sent him flying across the room. The Chief collided with Bella's hardwood desk, which groaned under the sudden weight before collapsing completely in a shower of wood-dust and splinters. Moving slowly, Charlie removed himself from the destroyed desk, he stood up and brushed off any saw-dust and wood splinters from his sleep clothes as he did so.
"Fuck." Bella sobbed, "Dad, I'm sorry."
My hand was still hovering near the windowpane so I curled my fingers and rapped my knuckled against the glass. Bella yelped as she turned to look at the sudden noise and I smiled apologetically through the glass. Charlie frowned as he shuffled across the room and slid the window open before stepping back with his arms crossed over his chest. He stepped back and raised a single eyebrow expectantly. I smiled sheepishly and quickly folded myself through the open window, stepping silently into Bella's room.
I stared down at my shoes as I shifted my weight nervously. "I… was just passing by when I heard Bella scream."
"Son, we both know that's not true." Charlie huffed tiredly. I glanced up to see Charlie looking me over, judging me with his calculating gaze – so many times those eyes had stared at me with cold disapproval, or cautious consideration as if he couldn't figure me out, like I was some sort of alien cipher and he was missing the key that would decrypt my actions and motivations, this was unlike any of those times. Charlie looked at me with what seemed to be an odd mixture of exhaustion and reluctant acceptance. He sighed as he tiredly scrubbed a hand down his face, "I'll go put some coffee on." and with that he trudged out the door, leaving it pointedly open as he went.
I turned to look at Bella to see her still sleepily staring off after her dad, her cheeks flushed and sweat sheened, her brown hair damp around her temples and curling while the rest was a riot of knotted waves. From where she sat upright on her bed she blinked slowly and focused her gaze on me.
"What are you doing here?" She demanded as the glazed look in her eyes receded only to be replaced by suspicion, "You said you were going to hunt with Jasper before school tomorrow." Bella continued accusingly.
"I did hunt." I replied defensively as I crossed the small room to sit down on the bed next to Bella. Bella's shrewd eyes flickered between my own as she studied them intensely. "Besides, it is tomorrow." I snarked as I nodded to the digital clock on her bedside table. Bella turned and looked at the clock, her eyes narrowed as if the gadget had personally betrayed her by declaring that it was a few minutes past 5:30 AM. Bella then turned her gaze back to me with a thin frown on her lips and her brows furrowed, I reached out and tucked a damp curl of hair behind her ear. "I'm alright, love. Promise." I reassured her. I ducked my head slightly, my eyes soft as I studied her. "The question is, are you?"
Bella withdrew from my imploring gaze, she curled up into herself, pulling her legs up to her chest and hugging them close – it was painful to watch the woman I loved, a woman who was larger than life, try to make herself so small, as if by making herself as small as possible the monsters that lurked in the shadows of her mind would no longer be able to find her. "It was just a nightmare." Bella mumbled weakly with a careless shrug of her tense shoulders.
I raised a single, incredulous, eyebrow at her before turning my head to look pointedly at the splintered remains of her desk. "Really?" I intoned sardonically.
Bella huffed out a tired breath that made her shoulders heave with the motion of it, "Fine. It was a really bad nightmare." she muttered bitterly.
"Tell me." I shifted closer to her on the bed and rested a comforting hand in-between her shoulder blades. Bella's back was still clammy with sweat, and she radiated a damp heat that seeped into my icy flesh, I hoped that my cool touch was something of a comfort to her in this feverish state."Please?" I begged.
Bella hugged her legs closer still, and then hid her face from me in the tangle of her limbs. "You died. You all died." she whispered miserably. "I was… lost?" Bella's words were strangled, tight and breaking as she struggled to recount the tortures her own mind subjected her to. "In the woods. And then I caught your scent. I found you… but-" Bella paused and her entire frame shook with the weight of her fear, she tried to take a deep breath to calm herself, and her small hands gripped her sleep-pants in white-knuckled fists – as Bella let out the breath in her lungs it became choked in her throat, and her entire body shuddered with the strength of the gut-wrenching sob that caused shards of glass to slice open my chest, carving my iron flesh into bloody ribbons only to expose my unbeating heart to the harsh, unforgiving world. "Everyone else was… already in pieces, but you were calling out for me. Begging for my help and I couldn't. I couldn't move. I was so scared, I was so terrified and I did nothing as Victoria tore your head from your body."
"Oh, Bella." the words left my body in a saddened sigh. I slid closer to Bella until I had inserted myself between her back and the headboard, I curled my arms around her shivering form and pulled her snugly to my chest. Bella squirmed in my grip, and I loosened my hold to allow her to turn to the side. Bella buried her head in my shoulder, sniffling as she nuzzled against my shirt and I could feel the wet dampness of her tears as they soaked through my shirt and bathed my skin in their salty tides. The exposed flesh of my dead heart was torn asunder, "It's okay, love. You're alright. Everyone is okay." I cooed desperately.
"It's not okay, though." Bella argued in a pitiful moan, her voice breaking under the strain of her woe. "Victoria is still out there."
We will find her. The promise died on my lips. I will protect you. I couldn't compel the words to leave the confines of my throat. It all seemed like such empty platitudes – I could say them but did they actually mean anything? I was no closer to finding Victoria, none of us were, and I could promise to protect her, sure – but we both knew that Bella didn't need me to protect her and I was sure the offer would have rankled Bella's pride. Anything I could have said felt inadequate in the face of Bella's very justifiable fear.
Thankfully, I was saved from having to say anything at all by Charlie speaking up from the kitchen below us, "Coffee's ready."
Bella squirmed awkwardly in my arms and with a rueful smile that she didn't see I stood up to give her room to get up without falling over. Bella didn't waste any time and quietly shuffled out of her room and down the narrow stairs, following the rich scent of freshly brewed coffee into the cozy kitchen that was warm and inviting – a welcome relief from the harsh cold of the early morning air outside, and the cruel realities of our own minds.
Bella settled down at the table and cocooned her cup of coffee with both hands as she reverently inhaled the steaming vapour. I eyed Charlie as he meandered around the kitchen, after being punched through a steel door I had a greater respect for the strength the werewolf held, even in his human form – not that I was afraid of him, just … respectfully wary. I knew that unless I gave him reason to, he would not use his superior strength against me, and I was awfully motivated to not give him any reason. Charlie was busy preparing himself a mug of coffee so I decided not to say anything as I silently slid into the chair next to Bella, I scooted the chair across the linoleum floor until our legs were pressed together, thigh to knee, an implicit display of my love and support.
Charlie sat across from us, his hair was still mussed from sleep and I could see the bone deep fatigue in his eyes. "I heard what you were saying upstairs." he said as he took a careful sip of his scalding coffee and I felt Bella's body tense next to mine. We both waited for Charlie to continue, but he just gazed into his coffee as if the dark liquid held the all of the answers to our many troubles. He swirled it around in the mug pensively before he took a small sip, and then returned to studying the contents with a meditative focus. "And there's nothing you can do about it." he finished resolutely.
Bella bristled at her father's dismissive attitude. "Real encouraging, Dad." she sneered, her eyes narrowed in a reproachful glare. "Simply inspirational. What time is your TED talk scheduled? I wouldn't wanna miss it." Bella continued, her voice dripping acid as her lips curled into a cruel mockery of a smile.
I frowned in unabashed disbelief at Bella's words and behaviour – I had become accustomed to Bella's unique brand of brashness, her bold, carefree audaciousness was so at odds to how I had grown up expecting women to behave, the same sassy overconfidence that I grated on my nerves when it came from Rosalie just made me adore Bella all the more – but this was not like that. This was not the usual sass and bravado, this was … mean. Bella aimed her words with a razor sharp edge with the intent to wound her father. It was so unlike her, to wilfully hurt those she loved would usually be unthinkable to her, and yet… there Bella sat, with a vicious glean in her eyes as she waited for her blow to land.
My eyes flickered to the Chief, waiting for his response. I didn't think that he would respond with his own cruelty, but then again, I didn't think Bella was capable of such caustic words to begin with, so perhaps my understanding of human behaviour – or rather, werewolf behaviour – was more lacking than I had realised.
I waited, unsure of myself and my presence in this too small kitchen, unable to get a read on either of the preternatural beings that sat before me around the worn and stained table. If the Chief did return Bella's viciousness I did not know what I was going to do – I should not be here. The urge to leave was strong and it was borne from an animalistic sense of self-preservation – if the Chief took the bait and engaged Bella in a war of words I would feel obliged to defend Bella, with my body and mind, even though I knew it was a losing battle.
Charlie smirked, the expression holding only the smallest slight of anger, however, much to my relief, he seemed to be more amused by Bella's words than anything else. He chuckled tiredly and sighed, "You spend as long as I have being hunted by vampires and you learn to let go of things you can't control." Bella twitched at my side, she sat up straighter and seemed prepared to say something but the Chief did not give her the chance. "We are doing everything we can. She's no longer in the area, and we can't find any scents or tracks that suggest otherwise. All we can do is stay alert and start doing some routine patrols of the area in case she comes back." Charlie levelled Bella in a stern stare, unwavering in the face of his daughter's fear and anger, and yet behind the cold wall of inflexible steel, I could see the warmth in his eyes – a love and care that ran bone deep,
the grief he carried with him, that pulsed inside of him like a second heartbeat that screamed protect her. Protect her. Protect her."If you let yourself obsess over this you will drive yourself mad, Bella." he warned.
Bella's resolve wilted as she slumped down in her seat, "Okay." she whispered meekly into her half-empty coffee cup. "I'll try." she peered up at her father and seeing his pursed lips and questioning eyes she quickly added, "Promise."
Charlie nodded once and downed the rest of his coffee as he stood up, he deposited his cup in the kitchen sink and disappeared upstairs, and as the muted early morning light began to peek through the curtains I reached out and placed a hand on Bella's forearm. "I better get home and get ready for school. I'll come by to pick you up?" I asked gently.
Bella nodded sedately. "Sounds good, see you soon."
With that I quietly left out the front door and raced towards home. My heart felt as if I had left it behind on that threadbare tabletop, I shook myself as I pushed myself faster – I would be seeing Bella in a matter of minutes, she would be okay without me for that long, I was being ridiculous. The knowledge that my anxiety was unfounded did nothing to soothe it, if anything it made it worse. And I knew that the only thing that would make me feel better would be to have my Mate by my side once more.
A/N: Thanks for reading! I look forward to your thoughts. Just a reminder, that this is the Companion fic to In the Light of the Full Moon, which is completed and I'm working on the sequel at the moment. This fic is Edward's POV of the original fic. Also, thanks for sticking with me, this year has been crazy, after losing everything in the February floods it was pretty shitty there for a bit, and I feel like I'm only just getting my feet under me again, but writing and posting this and hearing how much you guys enjoy it has been a little spark of joy in an otherwise shitty year, so thank you.