Survivors Guilt: Loss in Victory

by WistfulSin

Navigating the strange complications of a deepening relationship, Hiei struggles to open himself up as he aids Shinpi in her relentless search for the demon responsible for a youki inhibitor endangering Makai. Their worlds get upended when the fight finds Shinpi, threatening to rip through the lives of those who hold her dearest. If you knew the price of victory, would you pay it?

9. Hayato

A/N: This chapter is insanely long and I am insanely tired, so enjoy. There are probably some typos but I'll try to go back and fix them later. If I don't post this now it'll take me another week. Goodnight world. Enjoy.

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I didn't have a mother, none of us on the mountain did. I didn't even know women existed until I was an adult, so it was not something I missed or longed for until much later. In fact, I didn't care either way until I met Aiofe. Because of this I can't say for sure exactly how I came to be, only that one day I was.

I opened my eyes for the first time because there was sound and it roused me from what I think was a deep sleep. I discovered I had a body, that I wasn't just a thought hovering in warm air, because my limbs that moved when I moved and they were decidedly attached to me. I had wings that pressed around me, trembling with the urge to stretch beyond the confines of our haven. And I had the urge to breathe. I remember lifting my head from the tight ball I had rolled myself into, content in the warmth radiating through me, eyes open to see shadowy figures, blurry and loosely formed, through the wall of my shell.

Curiosity was my first emotion, and it drove me to move my arms toward those figures. An unstable feeling stole over me as my haven, or what I later learned was an egg, rocked. I wanted to get out. I touched the inside of the shell, not knowing what it was called, and found it hard, my fingers sliding off the slick interior. My hand pulled back, my body the one in control, fingers curling into my palm then suddenly forward it went, crashing into the that hard barrier with enough force that the contact echoed in my new ears. Over and over and over I kept hitting with both hands, tearing at the membrane with my teeth and fingers. I didn't think about it. It wasn't a decision I made, to be born, it was just something my being chose to do. My left fist broke through first.

The sounds were clearer and decidedly loud to me, the inside of the egg chilling as outside air seeped in and I experienced wet with a sense of mild discomfort. I did not like the feeling of being cold or how it clung to my damp skin. I wanted to be warm again. I kept digging my way toward the light and the voices outside of my now unlivable prison. There was no going back to the comfort I had once known, there was only going forward.

"Hayato, you're here."

I fell out of the hole I'd made, hitting the ground with a reverberating thud that shuddered through my tender bones. Dizzy, I lay still for a moment inhaling the strange world around me. Dirt attached itself to my skin, gritty on my arms and the side of my face. It smelled soft and unfamiliar. Shivering, I sat up and my wings shook on my back, stretching and folding as I unsteadily rose to stand. I fell again, and this time I hunkered down where I was as I careened into being alive, clashing with this new existence and finding it overwhelming. Pushing my legs a third time, I found my feet.

Literally.

I stood and I looked down and saw my bare toes. When I wanted to move forward, head bowed, the appendages lifted from the earth and then fell back to it. Fascinated I practiced this new skill, enraptured. I could move. My hands caught my attention next, hanging loose at my sides. I had used these already, hadn't I? To come here. They did things like hit and scratch and push me off the ground when I fell.

Finally I lifted my head and a wash of color, a see of shapes knocked me back down. There was too much at once. Things that moved, and were moving toward me, things that were still and loomed dangerously high. I chirped, curling back into my safe ball, wings cupping my frame as I tried to create a new egg for myself. The sensation of being touched caused me to startle, a louder squeak erupting from my throat as I lifted my head in shock.

"Hayato." That word again, directed at me. I stared into the face of the man crouching in front of me, his hand on my head. "The world is large, isn't it? You'll grow into it one day."

Large? Grow? These concepts meant nothing to me. The words meant nothing. My head tipped to the side at the strange sounds falling from the mouth of the creature before me. Then I twisted my head the other way, blinking up at him. His hand moved off of me and I realized it had been warm, like the egg, so I scuttled closer to him and bobbed my crown against his palm. He made a peculiar sound I'd later know as a laugh. Then he scooped me off the ground into his arms.

I flailed, panic rising in my stomach. My wings beat him, too small to matter really but still earnest. I struggled until he hushed me gently, bringing me to his chest where once again I felt that sense of protective warmth. I settled quickly, nestling into that sensation. The texture I encounters wasn't like the egg at all. It was rough against my cheek, like the dirt. It smelled different than the ground. Offering a small sound, I grew still. That large hand rested on my back, pressing me closer, offering more warmth. The hum of his voice soothed me, offering a sense of peace.

"Hayato." He repeated. "Let's get you cleaned up."

I quickly discovered that clean meant wet. He carried me and as he did, I was able to see more of the world around us. Some other faces like his, with the same dark angled eyes and the same dark hair. They had wings too, like me. Some of them had beaks, large and tapered, black feathers coating their limbs. Others had noses that extended from their faces, thick eyebrows set into stern expressions. Still more looked like the man who cradled me gently, with skin like mine, wings too, and sharp noses that fit their faces. He brought me into a building and the chilly air evaporated in the wake of warm humidity. I loosened, intrigued, as I pulled away from him to inspect this new source of comfort. He set me down gently and I remained fixed in place as my bare soles adjusted to the new texture of the floor. It wasn't uneven and softly abrasive like the ground had been. It was stiff, flat and smooth. My wobbly steps were easier to manage in here.

"This is the bath house." He told me. "This is where we come to wash ourselves."

I ignored him and his strange sounds, inspecting this strange place. The air was thicker here. It reminded me of the egg, that close warmth wrapping around my naked form. Steam rose off the reflective surface of the strange substance ahead of me. We stood a little above it, so I sidled closer filled to the brim with curiosity. Leaning over the edge of the floor, I looked down and for the first time saw my face. Tilting my head I studied the thing I saw. Dark eyes like the man's. The same dark fluff on my head, though I didn't recognize it as mine. I moved closer, not realizing there was nothing to support my footing. With a panicked cry I fell into the water and started to thrash.

"Hayato!"

Pulled up by two hands gripping me under my arms I was rescued from the evil being lurking in that monstrous place. I continued to fuss angrily. I didn't know who that thing was but I did not like them and I did not want to see them ever again.

"You must be careful." Long fingers took my chin and forced me to look into the man's face. "You're still so small my boy, you have to be cautious in this world. If you let it, it will consume you."

It would not be the last time I heard this sentiment. Small, young, naive, the words changed but the warning remained the same for all of my early life. I had to be careful or the world would hurt me.

"Let me show you how." The man set me on the floor where I remained, unwilling to risk another encounter with the foul beast waiting to kill me, and he stripped out of his clothes. With care he picked me up and carried to me steps that sank into the bath. As soon as I realized where he meant to take me I once again started to struggle in his hold. I did not want to go back in that awful place. "Hush, Hayato. Just wait. It'll be alright."

He slowly lowered me into the water. I scrambled to climb up him to avoid it but he managed to get my toes under the surface. Then my legs. When nothing pulled me under I softened, the heat spreading through me. I think I was sore from the trial of coming into the world because the water eased my muscles. I sank down into it, still held carefully in the arms that protected me. Once again I encountered the face that had tricked me and I lashed out at it with my hand, palming the surface of the bath in an instinctual attempt to keep that beast away from me.

Once again, that laugh sounded and I craned my head around to inspect the source.

"Hayato, you're a funny thing." He told me, patting my head with a smile. "That's you, silly boy. That's your face."

He leaned over me and I could see his face too. I slapped both, watching the water ripple. Then I hit them again for good measure, and also because I like the sound he made.

"Those are our reflections." He explained when the water settled again he pointed at my reflection, the trickster that it was. Then he pointed at his and named them both. "Hayato. Myogi."

For most of my early life the mountain top was the only world I ever considered. Though I look back now and see it as such a small place, I cannot deny that it has always provided me with a wealth of knowledge and experience. As a child, fresh and blank, Myogi would walk me through the towering forests teaching me the names of the trees, the plants. I saw. I touched. I felt, memorizing sensations and seeking more and more. All the small details of the world loomed large. There was a period of time, likely only a few months though it felt like a lifetime as a child, where I became consumed with exploring my world to the point that I rarely even recognized that Myogi was trying to give my world words of explanation. His voice was comforting but far less important than attempting to see the tops of the trees as I craned my head back so far that I fell on my backside. The softness of the moss on a rock didn't need a name, it just needed to be touched again and again. I had to experience the world before I could bear to call it by name.

The scent of damp wood and soft earth became analogous with home. My lullabies were the sounds of the bugs buzzing in the air as the wind whispered through the leaves of the massive maple trees and their beech brothers. The shifting of the branches of ancient pines spoke to me softly. These songs came from a place that had existed before us and would continue to grow long after we were all gone.

Some lessons came easily without speaking. Not everything tasted as good as it looked, and not all things that tasted good looked the part. Myogi spent an unfair amount of energy pulling things out of my mouth or hands. He would pluck me away from the edges of drop offs. Constantly I abandoned the safety of his side to inspect particularly interesting fungi or flower, to chase frogs and hop after bugs. I would mimic the noises the creatures of the forests made when I heard them.

Except for Myogi. I didn't try to speak his language for a while, too engrossed in my own priorities of exploration. Though, eventually I parroted his words aloud in raptured awe as I connected the sounds to the objects I coveted and when he patted my head or smiled with pride I would then recite them to myself again and again and again. I wanted to know things. I wanted to understand everything. Language became another subject to dig into, I wanted to know the words for everything.

Our clan was close, inter-related but we were not an overly affectionate people. Some of us were born of women, some from eggs like me. Myogi was, is, a good man full of patience and kindness, but he did not coddle, though for a short time I did sleep next to him, until I had words and the sense to not wander around at night. He did not rock or cradle me.

The first time I explained that to Hichi she seemed aghast, apologizing to me for what I'd lived through. I didn't understand her fuss. I wasn't neglected as a child, I was perfectly happy. I was more than content to stay in my bubble of safety, in my world at the top of the mountain.

I think I was around three when I came to fully understand that Myogi was our leader and we called him father. He was the father of my brothers, and the son of the last leader. I can't say how many generations there were of us, no one seemed to know, only that an eternity before one of our ancestors had claimed the mountain as their home and we had owned it ever since. It was the place we were truly safe. Only the oldest, strongest were allowed to leave the mountain, and they only did so to sell our crafts, to buy supplies, food.

I was around seven when the older brothers started explaining where they were going when they left us with their wares. I listened to their stories full to the brim with fascination. As soon as I realized there was a world outside the limits of the forest I wanted to go there too. The need burned in me to see if everything was the same or if it was all different outside our home. I just wanted to see.

I was not permitted this luxury.

I had no reason to go anywhere. I was young, inexperienced and had little to offer in the way of help. I was told, repeatedly, I would only get in the way. That the more I wandered off the less likely I'd ever be able to leave because no one would want to chase me down. The world was dangerous and hungry.

"Why does Taro get to go?" I asked, indignant that I wasn't allowed to descend with one of my older brothers. I was around seven at the time, I believe.

"He made the swords, he is the one who gets to sell them." Myogi sighed, exhausted with my arguing. The only trait of mine more persistent than my curiosity has always been my stubbornness. "Why are you so eager to go, Hayato? There is nothing out there for you. This is where you belong."

Some of the brothers never stepped foot off the mountain. I did not intend to be one of those unfortunate souls.

"I know that." I told him, scowling. "I'll come back! I just want to see-"

"Want to see what?" He frowned too, looking all the more tired.

I'd grow to know the feeling of being an immovable object in the path of an unstoppable force quite well later in my life, so now I feel his pain. I was awfully frustrating to deal with in those moods.

"Everything!" I vocalized, throwing my hands wide. "The older brothers tell me stories every night about the strange things they encounter. I want to experience those things too!"

"You're too young, too small." He shook his head. "And you have no reason to descend the mountain. As you are, Hayato, the world would eat you whole. You need to stay here where you can be safe."

All I heard was that I needed a better reason than curiosity. So I sought one out.

The forge was a dangerous place and many of the brothers didn't participate in blacksmithing. Not everyone had the right touch for it, or the right temperament. I wasn't allowed to enter until I was nearly eleven. But I watched from the windows and the doors. I did small tasks for the brothers who crafted the shields and weapons and armor. My goal was clear from the start: I wanted to entreat them to take me on.

Myogi was not amused with my ploy but he didn't forbid me from it either. I took that as permission to continue.

The reason it took so many extra years was simple. I hadn't come into my powers. I could fly, I trained with our staffs and learned to hunt. I could hold my own if pressed. I had many skills, and I had energy, but not true power. Not until I was eleven and arguing with a brother who taunted me over my uselessness.

"I'm not useless." I trembled in my anger, fingers curled to palms, talons cutting in my flesh. My wings rustled against my back in my growing agitation.

"You can't even hide your wings." He shot back at me, gesturing to his tattooed skin. "You're just a dead weight kid. Figure out something else. You'll never make it as a blacksmith. You don't have the strength for it."

"I will." I shook, fists tightening. The words came out hot and angry. "I will because I want to do it."

"Wanting something doesn't make it yours." He told me then laughed. "Only children think that way."

"Not yet." I remained steadfast. "It's not mine yet but it will be."

Heat pumped through my veins, pulsed with my anger. Without even thinking about it I wrenched a hand back and then shoved it forward. A ball of blinding white flew from my palm and the brother had to jump out of the way to avoid being struck by it. The ball slammed into a boulder with a pop that grew into a sizzle before it died out. In my shock I dropped my anger completely.

"Tengubi." Brother Taro exited the forge, wiping his hands on a cloth. I watched as he looked over to Myogi, whose lips had pressed into a thin line. Then he looked over to the brother I had been arguing with. "I don't think you can do that, can you Tenshi?"

Tenshi dusted himself off with a glare, but offered no answer.

"Taro." Myogi called firmly. "He's young."

"He's old enough." Taro responded to our leader with a shrug. "I think he just proved that. Besides, it's not like he'll master it overnight. There's still time."

Myogi continued to scowl as he turned his attention to me. With a jerk of his head he gave me permission to fallow Taro into the forge and I was struck in place by this sudden change. Grinning I looked at my hands, then back to him and ran off after my older brother.

Taro was technically, my uncle, but we all called him brother. He was Myogi's true brother and had been second in line to ascend to leader. He joked constantly he was glad his time had never come because he couldn't stand the idea of giving up his smithing. He was a master of his craft and he taught me everything I know. It took a few more years but eventually my work grew in quality, durability, design.

At seventeen I descended the mountain for the first time, following the river to the valley below. I had nearly perfected my skills in smithing, not quite to Taro's quality but not so distant from it anymore. I stood tall but gangly, not quite filling out my frame, even with years of manual labor layering muscle onto my bones. We walked instead of flew for not other reason than the fact Taro wanted it that way. He said it offered him time to think. I believe he wanted to give me the chance to study the new sights. Immediately I fell behind as I found myself entranced by the cedar trees lining our path. I touched it's bark, picked at some leaves to rub them between my fingers until Taro called for me. When I trotted to his side he put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing.

"I promised Myogi I'd keep you safe, so you gotta keep up." He reminded me before tussling my cropped hair. "I know it can be a little overwhelming Hayato, the world is large."

"It's amazing." I breathed.

"It's just a valley. There's far more interesting things ahead." He teased me.

We stopped into a shanty, the smell of food wafting through the loose boards out to the road we'd been on. The hut was no where as well made as our own, the roof riddled with spaces that would leak. Taro guided me to a small, rickety table. I was in awe of the creature who came out to greet up. I must have been staring because their eyes fixed on mine, lips turning down at the corners. I had never seen anything like them before and I was struck.

"Your skin reminds of me opal. It's shining." I told them, reverent. "It's beautiful."

Their posture shifted immediately, a smile gracing their mouth to the point of revealing some teeth. They softened their shoulders and leaned toward me just a little bit as they pushed long navy hair away from their face. "That's a new one."

"Forgive my brother he has never seen a woman before. I apologize for him." Taro announced as he stepped on my foot under the table, giving me a look that clearly meant I was supposed to backpedal.

"Woman?" I blinked at him, then turned back to her. "No wonder he can't wait to go on these trips."

She laughed and her cheeks tinted slightly and I was fascinated. Maybe this was the true danger that kept us from going home, I thought to myself. Beautiful creatures like this just existed out here in the world like treasures hidden in plain sight.

"He's right, I have never met a woman before." I went on. "Could you tell me what color your eyes are? I've never seen it before."

"Wow, Taro. You really brought this adorable young man down with you?" She turned back to my older brother and gave him a look. "I already like him better than you."

"Her eyes are violet." Taro supplied for me. "And she is dangerous so don't get too close. She bites."

I retracted some at this news and offered her a wary glance. She laughed again, shaking her head. "He's lying to you. I don't bite unless threatened. What's your name little brother?"

"Hayato."

"Well, let's fill that stomach of yours Hayato. You have a long way to go."

Taro's favorite part of traveling turned out to be women. He was an incorrigible flirt. He knew so many people as we traveled, introducing me and going out of his way to learn the names of those he hadn't already met. He taught me the art of selling our wares, how to accept haggling, how to barter. He took me to other vendors and showed me their materials, explaining their uses. We received requests for custom orders and arranged payments. My first trip off the mountain was calm and successful. When I returned in one piece Myogi offered me a welcoming smile and then nodded to Taro.

"He thought you might not want to return." Taro explained. "He was scared if you left you'd find something more interesting to pursue."

I nodded, pensive.

It had never occurred to me that I could choose to not come back. I couldn't imagine it though, never seeing this place again. Going on trips was one thing, but to try to make a home in the strange lands off the mountain? I didn't know how. I would never be able to survive on my own and I knew it. Myogi had been right about that, the world out there would devour me.

A handful of years later I stepped out of trees, the catch from the day's hunt in my hands, to be greeted by an uncommon sight.

"We need more. They are taking our towns. We have to be able to stand up to them." It was rare to see an outsider in our forests, much less in our village. But there he was, the demon pleading with Taro and Myogi for more weapons. "The demon directing them is relentless. He destroyed and entire village a few days ago."

"Weapons take time." Taro looked over to Myogi with a frown. I stepped closer to listen. "We don't keep a surplus."

"Maybe you should. He's headed this way." The demon explained. "It won't be long until this is your fight too."

A few of the other brothers had begun to gather around. Myogi looked at our faces and muttered something to Taro who nodded.

"We'll do what we are able." Taro announced. "When they're ready we'll bring them down to you."

"You're from the town on the edge of the valley." I realized aloud. The man turned to glance at me. "I've seen you before. Your home is fairly close, barely more than a day's hike from the base of the mountain."

He stared at me, then took my words as some message I didn't remember offering as he once again turned to our leader and older brother. "He's right."

"Hayato we need you." Taro pointed to the forge and I passed off the animal in my grip to another brother before dutifully following. We spent the next several days working nonstop on weapons. Swords. Shields. Bracers. Spears tips. Arrows heads. Armour. It took all of us that were trained to amass such an output but we managed. Once we were finished a small group of the oldest brothers were chosen to deliver the items to the town waiting in the valley.

"I want to go too." I declared, offended when my name wasn't called.

"No." Myogi shut me down. "You don't understand the gravity of the situation, Hayato. You don't know what is waiting."

"I would if I got to go." I argued.

"Enough." He spun and glared at me. "Enough, Hayato. You are staying here."

"Fine. I guess I'll get back to work then."

Containing my temper was difficult, my palms radiated heat, but I did my best. I didn't know, he was right. I didn't understand. It wasn't until only one of the party returned that any of it made any sense. We all listened in horror and confusion as he explained that Taro and the others were trapped in the town, fighting with the people. A warlord had advanced and they had shown up just as the fray began.

"I only barely got away to come and explain." Tenshi trembled as he rested on the ground. "They need more supplies."

"I'll go." I volunteered quietly when no one else rose their voice. I swallowed. "Taro is out there with our brothers. I'll take the supplies to them and return immediately."

Myogi didn't respond to me at first, to any of it. When I turned to face him he looked older. Then he asked for Tenshi to elaborate on the situation. How much did they need? How many were there?

When I packed to go they strapped a spear to my back. Myogi grabbed my shoulders, fully developed for at least two years, and he looked me in my eye. I stood taller than him, something I had never noticed before. My long hair had been tied back. "If you cannot save them you save yourself, Hayato."

I nodded, grabbed all the I could carry and flew.

I had never seen true violence, never experienced it. The smoke rising in thick plumes from the burning homes choked my lungs, burned my eyes. I landed in center of a fight, casting my delivery to the side as I shoved a hot ball of white-hot fire toward a demon out of pure instinct to get them off Taro. He limped to his feet with a wild look in his eye. I tossed him a short sword because it was the closest thing to my hand. Then I pulled the spear from my back and slid my feet apart as I had been trained to do. I slammed the staff end against the side of the head of a demon who advanced on me.

Fighting, as it turned out, was not the same as training. Fighting took more time, and demanded more of everything I had. It didn't give room for mistakes or to think. Real opponents didn't help you stand up and allow you to try again. I didn't know how to pace myself, didn't realize I wasn't made of infinite resources.

My tengubi stopped coming as freely. I had never tried to use it as a real weapon before. The fire in my veins aided me in the forge and it did help in this battle, but not enough. Nothing I had was enough. I heard my brothers call to me. I heard townspeople screaming and raging. I smelled smoke and tasted the acrid air. The bitter truth started to eat at me as made the wrong move and a demon sliced against my ribs with a short blade. The cut burned and stung, the scent of blood reeked when it wasn't from hunting game. My foot slipped, finding no purchase on earth slicked by crimson. I tried to keep upright, I tried to push back.

I heard Myogi warning me that there was no reason for me to descend the mountain.

I heard Tenshi declare I was useless.

I heard Taro tell me that Myogi thought I wouldn't come back.

I was exhausted, out of my element and for the first time in my life all I wanted to do was go home. I mustered everything I had left, every last ounce of anger and energy lurking in my reserves and I shoved it all through my hands, threw it as far and wide outward as I could manage. Burning skin and hair clogged my nostrils, bright and indomitable flames arched into the sky as they ate through the buildings in tendrils of red and orange. There was a moment of reprieve and I heard footsteps racing away from me as I heaved what would surely be my dying breaths. I had surrounded myself with a fire too hot for them to combat to get to me. But I had managed to create enough of an opening for them to flee.

The flames started to die as huts collapsed in on themselves. I fell to my knees. Soldiers poured around me and I waited for them to attack but they didn't.

"Keep him alive. He's one of the tengus. He'll be able to tell us how many more there are. The others got away."

I spit as someone's feet and pain radiated through my temple as I was struck to the ground.

I awoke to chains on my wrists and ankles, my body stretched as far as it could go, my back straining. And my wings too were caught, yanked to their fullest extensions. The skin around my shoulders burned with the urge to break open, to let my wings be pulled free of my body. My entire body throbbed and ached. My ribs stung where the cut had been etched into them. I cried out as the sound of something moving preceded my wings being stretched farther outward. A man's voice filtered to me through the agony, amused and taunting.

"How many of you are there? I know you tengus are the ones responsible for supplying the resistance."

"Then you already know more than me." My entire form quaked from exhaustion and pain, both mingling and overwhelming my system. I had never had to endure anything near torture before. I had never even bothered to imagine what it would be like.

"I'll give you one more chance to answer me." He walked from the shadows with a sneer and grabbed my jaw. He had to reach up to do it.

"You'll need someone taller if you mean to strike me in the face." The comment bubbled up from my chest, and I wasn't even sure whose voice spoke it because it had not sounded like me.

He kept his hold on my jaw, revealing his mangled teeth to me in a snarl and then looked behind me. He maintained his grip as I screamed out, body burning and going cold as my left wind was twisted. The snap that sounded in the room was swallowed by my gargled sob, the sound unfamiliar to my ears. I had never known I could make such awful noises. I sagged in my bonds, tears flowing down my cheeks. Sharp fingers tightened on my jaw, forcing me to look into black eyes.

"Let's try this again." He demanded.

Three days they kept me strung up in that room. Three days of slowly breaking my bones and ruining my wings to make sure I had no hope of escape. There were long breaks in between moments of torture, where they just left me there. The guards would talk amongst themselves, and I learned enough about my location through listening to them to know I wasn't going home. I was trapped in a compound occupied by prisoners and the warlord's men. They loved to talk about the arena and watching those taken fight to the death for the hope of freedom. Their joy at describing the brutal methods of victory solidified the knowledge that I was going to die there. If not in that room then in the arena. It's where everyone wound up sooner or later.

I never answered his questions. It cost me my wings but I never answered him. The pain clouded my mind, kept my body from functioning properly. Once they realized they had little left to take from me, they had me drug through a hall of cells picking one to toss me into. My teeth clacked together as I hit the floor, a groan drawing from my throat when I rolled to my side to glare at the men leaving. I spit on the floor, the substance more blood than saliva.

"You must've upset someone important for them to gift me with your presence."

I was in agony, knowing for the first time in my life that death was imminent and that voice had the audacity to sound amused. For a moment I thought I'd been cast into another chamber of torture. I prepared myself for it, but when I spied the owner of that voice I found myself locking eyes with a young woman. She looked unscathed, no bruises or cuts that I could see. Her hair was the color of red flames, her eyes the same gleaming blue as cobalt glass. I couldn't imagine what had landed her in that cell with me. Had she been taken from another village? Was she alone? How long had she been there?

I had met women before. Several, in fact. None of them had prepared me for Amon-Shinpi.

We introduced ourselves and she called my name lovely. I didn't trust her eyes though. The way she moved. She didn't act like a prisoner or the victim of torture. She acted like a predator trapped in a cage.

I suppose there is something to be said for first impressions.

I kept my front to her because she showed too much interest in my ruined wings. I knew I wouldn't be able to stave off any more attacks by I was willing to try. She grabbed my hand and I jerked away so fast my back hit the wall, causing me to hiss. She asked too many questions, assumed too many answers. It chafed my instincts to allow her closer to me.

"What possible secret could a carpenter be harboring that would place him here? Something important. Something necessary."

She paced our cell, confirming my urge to keep her at a distance by doing so. I did not like that she could so easily deduce details about my life. The fact I was holding a secret. The fact I worked in a trade. The fact I had upset someone powerful so they dumped me at her feet. I listened as she rambled to herself, pulling answers from thin air with all the conviction of someone holding indisputable proof.

"Your loyalty much be unbreakable." She told me, expression glinting, finishing her rant. She seemed proud of me, and that struck me as truly odd.

"What are you doing here? You don't seem to be in bad shape for a prisoner." I swallowed, my body growing weaker by the second.

"Prisoner? Oh no. I let them capture me. I'm here because I want to be." Amon-Shinpi offered me a beaming grin that was horrifically out of place in that dank, cramped cell. She explained herself with warmth.

"You-you're insane." I blinked at her, appalled. Who would purposefully get captured by the maniacs? Who would risk this pain? Because she thought she could destroy them? It was a fool's quest. Out of the question. That didn't seem to bother her though. Concern bubbled in my stomach as I watched her carefully. "How are you hoping to destroy this place?"

"Sheer overwhelming force." The words were offered with a shrug and no doubt.

None.

Our conversation lasted a little longer, her explaining how she'd killed her previous cellmates. That she was raised a pacifist. She seemed offended when I asked if she meant to kill me. She gestured to my injured wings, citing them as a reason to not murder me. She complimented the dedication it took for me to learn a trade.

"I could use a friend like you." She told me and if I had been in better health I probably would have laughed. Instead all I could do was stare at her. She was insane, completely and undoubtedly.

A friend? Like me? Like her? We didn't even know each other.

What the hell were friends anyway? I didn't have any to name. I had my brothers. I had Myogi. We had patrons and acquaintances. That was it. That was all I knew. All I needed.

She offered to heal me and I denied her. She persisted and I argued. I questioned her word and she told me she held to it. Then she attacked me, too fast for me to resist or fight against. I truly hadn't even seen her move. Suddenly her hand had my wrist as she manipulated me to press against the cell door, forcing me to grab at the bars for support. Her hand pressed between my shoulders, the contact birthing a cry from my lungs. And then, remarkably, warmth flooded my system. Not the piping heat of my anger but a softer, comforting warmth akin to sunbathing in the spring. That was soon forgotten in the wake of my bones snapping back into place. I can't remember if I screamed or not, but when it was all said and done and I was able to stand she stood before me unflinching in the heat of my anger. I know I must have looked feral. I felt it.

White heat entered my palms. I was ready to defend myself.

My anger faded as her fingertips grazed my cheeks, soft expression offering some form of apology. My fury didn't seem to matter to her, or at least not in the way I had wanted it to matter. Instead it earned her sympathy, her compassion. "I know it hurts. Recovery often can, but you did well my little bird. Spread your wings if you can."

When I was able to extend my wings, any remaining rage died, replaced by a surge of awed joy. "You saved my life. Why?"

"You were in pain." She shrugged as though it were so simple. As if that was a reason to do something so strange. I'd never met a healer before, definitely not one who was insane and allowed themselves to get imprisoned. She promised to get me out if I stayed close to her.

I had no reason to believe her. My trips down the mountain had been rife with advice to trust no one but our own. Stay close to the brothers. Anyone offering help wanted something in return. She waited, carrying the weight of my suspicious stare without concern. In fact she smiled at me, chin lifted slightly, eyes lit up with confidence. There was no doubt in her mind, I realized, that I would agree. Maybe that was because she was my only choice. Maybe it was because she knew I was curious to see what she was going to do. Whatever the reason, she was far less surprised than I was when I spoke again.

"I'm not a carpenter, I'm a blacksmith. I forge all sorts of weaponry. That's why they brought me here. I've been arming the opposition and they wanted to know how many there were." I explained, glancing toward the bars of the door in case someone was listening. This could be a new form of interrogation for all I knew.

She didn't ask me to elaborate. Instead the truth hung between us, taking up space in the room. Her hands moved behind her back, and she offered a single nod. "Can you fight?"

"Adequately, if I'm pressed." I nodded in return, thinking back to barely holding my own against the soldiers.

She said nothing but the look she gave me was one of disagreement. She didn't believe me, that was immediately obvious. It was also interesting because when most others saw me they assumed I was a fighter. I was large, broad. I carried a staff. My size alone was enough to deter provocation. Her eyes eyebrows rose as she pointedly looked to the side.

"Right. Well, I think I'll take the lead on that front. Perhaps you could just make sure I'm armed." Amon-Shinpi suggested but it was more than that, I felt it in my spine. It was an order phrased gently.

"How? The only time prisoners are allowed weapons is when they are in the arena." I knew this. She had to know it too. She'd been there longer than me, I suspected. She rocked back onto her heels in a cheeky, nearly childish way, hands still behind her.

And then she grinned like a knife, her eyes glinting in a diabolical way that I knew, even without actually knowing, that this meant trouble. Big trouble. Trouble for everyone in the room, the compound and maybe beyond but especially for our captors. I suspected the only one who wouldn't be caught in her plan would be herself. Every warning ever uttered to me as a child and until I'd come to help rescue my brothers echoed in my head. I should have been afraid, should have retracted any notion of my help.

I didn't.

I was too curious to see what she would do. If she could pull it off. Either I was going to die there or she was going to set me free, and if I was going to die it was going to be watching her enact whatever plan had bloomed to life in her brain. It was just too intriguing to not go along with. It was also the first time anyone had looked at me and immediately decided I was useful and capable. I'd done nothing to earn her trust. I'd done nothing to make her believe I could help her accomplish her goals.

She knew nothing about me but she put her life in my hands, and took mine in hers. Just like that.

Who wouldn't want to see how that played out?

Amon-Shinpi, as it turned out, was dedicated to keeping her word in all things. Her mind was quick, sharp, and dangerous. She'd told me she would get me to freedom and she wasn't intending on being made a liar. As she explained her plan to me, I listened with rapt attention because how could I not? Something about her just demanded obedience. It didn't take me long at all to come to the conclusion that this woman was drawn to chaos, to uneven odds, like a moth to a flame. She hungered for any chance to prove herself, to best someone, to prove she could even if she didn't.

This time she did.

She waited a day before demanding to face me in combat, a treat the guards apparently were desperate to see as she'd refused to participate until then. She hadn't attempted to wound me or fight me in our cell, but still I felt uneasy at the thought of facing her with any sort of weapon in her grasp. When we were marched from our cell to the area she walked tall, her strides even and confident. I shuffled, ducking down to prevent hitting my head on the shorter doorways. The chains locked tight around my wrists clanked with every move. They brought us to two separate rooms. Well, cages might be more apt a description. Barred walls just like a cell but on all four sides. In each room were several weapons, none of them clean, waiting to be chosen.

"They don't want us to kill each other without the fun of watching." Amon-Shinpi's voice breezed to me as I rubbed my freed wrists. She paced around her room. "Not the best selection though. I've seen better maintained weapons rooms."

"Have you?" I asked dryly, watching her through the bars. "Imprisoned often are you?"

"Often makes me sound like a criminal." She tutted in that same withdrawn tone. "It's not my first time, for sure. Perhaps it'll be the last, but make no mistake Hayato I rarely end up places I don't want to be."

"I know I said this before but it bears repeating. You're insane."

"Stick to the plan, little bird."

I watched her fingers graze over several brutal choices, heavy barbed weapons designed to crush and hurt. I waited to see what she'd choose before picking mine. A staff found itself cradled in her hands, a look of calm intensity smoothing over her face. Then she nodded and offered me a sudden smile through the bars.

"Are you sure? It's hard to be fatal with one of those." I started walking as she did, eyes glued to her.

"I'm not trying to kill you." She reminded me pointedly.

"What if I decide to kill you?" I wondered aloud.

"You won't."

"I could."

"No, I mean, you won't be able to kill me. I'm not worried about it. Just choose a weapon so we can move on with this." She waved her hand through the air to get me to hurry.

The crowd beyond our cages roared loudly with vicious voices full of blood lust. It echoed in my ears. Amon-Shinpi looked through the bars of the gate that lead to the arena floor and for the first time I saw her unsettled. Not worried, but not that spitfire she'd been before. Her shoulders came down and her chin tipped toward her collarbone slightly, eyes set on something in the distance. I plucked a staff from the pile for myself, holding it firmly. When I went to stand before the draw-gate I followed the line of her gaze to see what had caught her attention.

A man, sitting above everyone else in an elevated platform. He sat with only one other being.

I looked back to Amon-Shinpi. Her lip had pulled back slightly to reveal sharp canines.

"I loathe men like him. Blood hungry and gorged on assumed power. Every time I see one of them I get the overwhelming urge to strip them of everything they think they own so I watch the fury of humility shine in their eyes before I kill them." She growled quietly. "I will burn his crimson stained kingdom to the ground at his feet."

The hairs on my neck and arms raised, drawn by the visceral emotion in her words. I was suddenly very glad that our first meeting had gone the way it had, because I knew right then had I been any form of threat she would not have hesitated to end me. And she was right, of course. She had no reason to worry about me trying to kill her. Even I could tell simply by standing beside her in that moment that I would never have gotten close enough to succeed. The gates rattled and started to rise, startling me from my thoughts. Adrenaline beat into my veins. We stepped out onto the arena floor, moving to the center as all good sports do. The sand and dirt were wet with spilled blood. Where the red had dried, the earth remained stained.

"Breathe, Hayato. You're not in any danger." Her voice coaxed me to raise my eyes from the ground. "Look at me, little bird. You're safe."

She meant it.

I breathed.

The fight began and just as quickly it was over. I hadn't managed to land a strike and had only barely defended the first two before she swept my feet from under me, coming to stand over me with her staff pressed to my forehead. The crowd cheered, chanting for my death. But even with their taunts and yells, all I did was watch Amon-Shinpi. She smiled, barely, and I swallowed. I wasn't afraid, not of her and not of dying in that place. I think I should have been scared of both but something about that look told me it was going to be fine.

With some alarm I realized I trusted this insane young woman.

"Time for phase two." She whispered and then turned with her arms raised to bait the leader of the compound. She demanded he face her in combat. Then she called him a coward when he made no move to obey.

Her words stirred up the crowds and the inmates, some of whom waited in the wings for their turn to fight. When two guards were called to retrieve her, she immediately over powered them and tossed their keys to me. I fumbled in my rush to do as she'd planned, my fingers clumsy as I unlocked the gate and passed the keys down to another captive. It didn't long for the prisoners to storm the stands.

It took even less time for Amon-Shinpi to claim the warlord's head.

She gave a speech that roused all the demons listening from their revenge. Not an ear wasn't turned to her. She asked them to remember the pain they'd suffered so they wouldn't inflict on others. She asked them to be better than those that hurt them. Then she threw the head to the ground and jumped from her perch atop the stands to land near me.

"Am I still insane?" She asked me with a cheeky grin that seemed less sinister than it should have given the blood on her face.

"Absolutely." I didn't hesitate to answer.

"Are you ready to fly, little bird?" Her head tipped to the side as if she knew I was in doubt.

"Where are you going to go?" I asked quietly.

"Home, I think. If they'll have me." Her head tipped back so she could look skyward, uncertainty tainting her expression. Then she looked at me with an exhaustion that comes from the soul.

I wasn't ready for her to go yet. I didn't know why. I just knew I wanted more time. That's why I rushed to ask her to join me. "I'd like to show you where I come from. Perhaps I can repay you with some weapons."

After a breath she righted her head and offered me a smile as she nodded. "Lead the way."

Our trip took a few days, given how far we'd been pulled from the village I had gone to arm. The area was unfamiliar to me, but I had a general sense of which direction led us to the mountain, an instinct that pulled my feet forward on a path I had never encountered before. The desert that held us hostage burned through the soles of my boots, stinging my feet. I considered flying but knew that my transient companion wouldn't be able to keep up if I did so. The wind kicked up sand that chaffed my cheeks and face, the heat threatening to strangle me, every inhale scalding my throat and leaving sharp grit on my tongue. Amon-Shinpi had raided the storeroom of the stronghold before our excursion. She'd reclaimed a metal mask she wore over the lower half of her face, obscuring most of her features. A bright blue scarf that matched her eyes wound around her head concealing her flaming hair, and it covered most of her face to further protect her from the assault I faced. Her trousers were rugged in material, sun-bleached and dirt stained, a long sleeved shirt tucked into her pants. A vest covered her shirt, and that was itself covered by a worn leather waistcoat pulled close by a belt. Her boots were sturdy, coming up to her knees and laced tight. Another belt rested around her hips adorned with satchels, and a few knives. A rucksack was thrown over her shoulder. None of the colors seemed to naturally belong together, the outfit a patchwork of black, brown, blue and red. Disastrous as it looked, it kept her safe from the elements.

I was a bit envious. Keeping my complaints buried in my stomach, I glanced her a way with pursed lips, my hand raised to shield my eyes from the sun.

"Come here." She demanded, not waiting for me to comply before yanking on the shoulders of my shirt to force me to lower myself. Without allowing me to argue, as she never actually offered me a choice, she removed her scarf and expertly wrapped it around my head in the same way it had protected hers. "You're woefully under prepared, Hayato. What were you doing getting mixed up with degenerates like a war camp?"

"It wasn't intentional. You might be surprised to learn that most of us don't get taken prisoner on purpose." I grumbled in response, rising back to my full height once she released me. We began walking again as she pulled her pack around to her front and rummaged through it, producing a second severally more weathered scarf in black that she draped over her head. "My brothers were in a village near our mountain supplying the villagers with weapons when they were attacked. I went to reinforce them with added arms."

"And promptly got captured." She guessed with humor.

"Not promptly. I did put up a fight." I frowned as I remembered those pained moments. "I might have burned down someone's home in the process though. I hope no one was hurt."

She snorted derisively, then chuckled and I pressed my lips together.

"You're an honorable man, Hayato. You risked your life to help your family, facing long-odds. I think that's an endearing trait." She told me, but still her voice rang with humor.

"Why are you laughing then?" I demanded.

"Because it's funny. You threw yourself into a heated battle and not only managed to get captured but in the process you burned down someone's home." She chuckled again. "I'm beginning to see a pattern here. You did the same with me, didn't you? Threw yourself into a situation you were decidedly unprepared for. It worked out in the end. That's something, at least."

"Are you always this self-assured?" I huffed, arms crossed over my chest. "Or should I say arrogant?"

"I am both." She showed her first hint of humility as she sank into her shoulders slightly. "It's a personality flaw, assuming I'm always right. I've just trained myself into it, unfortunately."

"Because you normally are right?" I guessed.

"Even so, it's not very warm to be arrogant."

"Do you want to be warm?"

"I want to be better than I am."

Her answer struck as extremely strange and somehow painfully resonant. My entire life had been about learning more, chasing curiosities, but I'd never really considered perfecting myself. When I thought of myself, it wasn't as something that could be improved upon. What would I change about myself if I could? What part of me needing perfecting?

Through the days it took us to travel up my mountain, we talked. It was my first time truly engaging with someone outside my clan. Of course during my travels I held conversations with others, as was only natural, but they were fleeting and inconsistent. Insubstantial most of the time. I quickly realized how much of the world I didn't know, not just the places I hadn't been but the deeper knowledge I lacked. There were questions I had never thought to ask, but Amon-Shinpi had. She was like me, always curious and always searching. When she spoke to me it was without hesitation, and even when she teased my lack of information she did it with kindness her answers or corrections following quickly. When she spoke, it was with conviction, just like how she moved.

"You have to allow your experiences, especially failures, to shape you. We are nothing more than accumulation of what we've done and been through, which means it's direly important that we examine everything and learn from it. Those lessons are imperative to our success in life, to our survival and to our growth." She explained to me as we sat together on the ground in the dark, harbored under a rocky overhang. "That's the most important thing my grandparents taught me before they passed. Perfection is truly impossible for us to achieve but the path to it is attainable and it is open to all."

"I was raised to be thankful for what I had and to not get hungry for more, because it is dangerous. Everything outside of our clan is threatening, imposing. It took proving myself over and over to be able to descend the mountain the first time, even then I knew I must be guarded and skeptical." I told her, expecting another laugh at my expense. Instead she nodded as she listened to me intently, her eyes focused uncomfortably on my face.

"There's merit in being thankful for your home and your people. There's nothing wrong with being safe." She agreed readily.

"You don't seem well-versed in safety." I suggested and she shrugged.

"Safety of self has never interested me."

"Why is that?"

"Likely because I have never thought of myself as something in need of protection from external threats."

"That's not quite it though, is it?" I hadn't meant to utter the question out loud, it was meant to be a thought and nothing more. But her attention on me sharpened with curiosity and accusation, almost as if she were daring me to continue. I swallowed and wondered at her reaction, squinting to assess her. In a move I thought her incapable of, she looked away first an indignant huff. I realized suddenly and with some shock that I had plucked at a strained thread in her.

"We all make choices we must live with, Hayato. Some of those choices carry heavier consequences than others, and sometimes they aren't really choices at all. They are framed like an option but they are truly the only way. Whenever you face a moment like that, where there is only one true path and all others are illusions for comfort, you accepting a weight you'll never be able to shake off." After her words she pulled a flask from her hip and I thought for a moment it might be water for how deeply she drank but the reek of ferment struck me across the face to dispel my innocent notion. Eyes on the container she bared her teeth to her own thoughts. "I chose to become something unworthy of protection when I chose to do what no one else could. Nothing steps in front of a shield. Nothing protects a sword. They are meant to stand alone and do their jobs."

"You're not a weapon, Amon-Shinpi."

She drank again before capping her flask, reattaching it to her belt. Leaning back against the rock sheltering us she closed her eyes, arms crossing over her chest. "We should rest, we have more walking to do tomorrow."

When we crested the mountain the next afternoon we were met with awe and tearful welcomes. We broke through the trees into my village and suddenly I was swarmed, arms around me in such numbers I had no idea who was touching me. Dozens of voices cried out that I'd come home, that I was back, that I was alive. Eventually the brothers parted and Myogi was there, his hands cupping my face as tears rolled down his cheeks and then he pulled me close in a tight embrace. Taro was close behind him, thick arms tugging me to him as soon as I was released from Myogi's hold. His hand cradled the back of my head as he repeatedly told me how happy he was that I had come home.

The word didn't strike me how I'd thought it would. Home. I was back, that was certain, but home suddenly felt far away.

"How did you survive? I saw them take you. We feared the worst." Taro's voice grew thick near my ear as he refused to let me go, despite me attempting to pull back. His question made me finally struggle with intent and he allowed me to escape.

"She saved me." I blinked at him, moving to gesture to Amon-Shinpi where she'd been by my side. She wasn't there. I was in a see of my kin but the redhead was nowhere to be seen until I glanced toward the trees and found her leaning against one, her mask hanging around her neck and her scarf shrugged on as though it were a shawl. There was something about the way she was watching that felt soft. It made my chest ache.

"Her?" Myogi's distaste caught me off guard. He stared at my companion with harsh scrutiny. "Why would a bandit care to save you?"

Amon-Shinpi didn't rise to defend herself or offer an explanation. Instead she met his stare with one of curiosity, head tipped slightly to the left.

"Bandit?" I asked, then I laughed and it earned the attention of everyone around me.

"He's not wrong." She vocalized. "I have spent some time recently as a bandit."

"I can hardly believe you capable of blindly robbing and killing." I shook my head.

"I am never blind, my friend." She grinned and it pulled up the left, revealing a sharp canine that seemed to unsettle my comrades. "I chose my victims carefully and with purpose. And I didn't kill most of them, I merely frightened them."

"That I can believe." I kept my response quiet, rolling my eyes. I turned back to Myogi and Taro. "If it wasn't for her I'd have been tortured to death. They took me and they broke my wings-" at this there were horrified gasps, hands tugging on me gently to examine the damage, "-but Amon-Shinpi healed me. She helped everyone get out, destroyed the entire compound."

"You helped." She was suddenly at my side, her appearance sending some of my brothers skittering back. Her hand came up to my shoulder as she grinned at Myogi. "Your boy here is a hero. He's quite brave, you know. Even though they tortured him he did not betray any of you. He's awfully amazing."

I blushed at her praise.

"I told you it was dangerous." Myogi turned to me with a frown. "You were taken and hurt. You see now why we don't descend the mountain unless we have to, Hayato. I'm glad you're home where you can stay safe."

Stay safe.

I didn't argue with him about it, but I wanted to. Instead I nodded and changed the subject. "Amon-Shinpi risked a lot to bring me here and to keep me safe. I told her she could stay with us for a time to recuperate. I wanted to show my appreciation."

I knew it wasn't what anyone wanted, because there was a lot of shifting and many glances cast around before it was finally admitted that it would be the hostly thing to do. Amon-Shinpi herself said nothing about it, instead squeezing my shoulder just slightly with a knowing smile. Once it was settled that she would stay for a few days, I could barely contain my excitement. I immediately drug her to my the hut I shared with a few other brothers, explaining who all lived in it as she offered me her strict attention. I had led her through the whole village before she finally asked me where the baths were.

"Thank the gods." She declared as soon as she crossed the threshold and inhaled the humid air. "I can't tell you when my last bath was. Thank you for allowing me to come in here and to stay with you. I imagine it's making your brothers uncomfortable to have me around."

"Are they?" I frowned, too caught up in my own emotions to think much about anyone else's.

She glanced at me then shrugged the question off along with her rucksack. Her scarf and mask followed, then her jacket. It took me a few moments to realize she was undressing to bathe. It wasn't a bad idea. I hadn't had a bathe since being kidnapped. When I started to disrobe as well Amon-Shinpi stared at me as if I'd suddenly sprouted another head. Then she laughed, loud and ringing causing me to stop what I was doing to look over at her.

"I get it now." She told me. "You're not as familiar with women as your brothers, are you?"

"What are you talking about? I've met plenty of women." I argued. She laughed again, pulling her shirt over her head. "Why is that funny?"

"You'll figure it out later." She assured me as she continued to strip before plunging herself into the warm, waiting water. Once she was properly submerged she let out a contented sigh.

"Why was it funny?" I demanded, sinking into the water cautiously.

"Is this a communal bath?" She asked me instead of answering. "I guess I already know the answer."

"What does that matter?" I frowned and again she didn't answer me.

Her cryptic hints meant nothing to me until I was in the forge the next morning with Taro.

"That girl, you two bathed together yesterday." He spoke with a grin. "Myogi is beside himself. He knows I'm a tramp, now he thinks I've warped you too."

"A tramp?" I asked, pulling my hands away from the metal I'd been shaping. "Why does bathing make me a tramp?"

"You and that girl, you're an item right?" He teased me. "I can't blame you, she is rather pretty under the dirty clothes and that mask. And it seems she's pretty strong from what you've said."

"She's stronger than anyone I've met." I told him seriously.

"Is this where you work?" Amon-Shinpi's voice cut through our conversation as she walked into the forge, eyes wide with interest as she took it all in. "You really are a blacksmith."

"I told you that." I pointed out.

"I know, I just sort of thought you were a little soft for it. I was really convinced you were actually a carpenter." Her attention wandered to my current project. "I guess I was wrong. What is that?"

I raised the short sword barehanded, my hands accustomed to the heat. "It's a sword."

"It's blue." She reached for it and I immediately had to push her back just before her fingers closed around the metal. I knew from other brothers who didn't have tengu-fire that being burned was a real thing. "What the hell, Hayato?"

"It's too hot!" I fussed, using my reach to keep her back.

"You're holding it!" She shot back at me.

"I create fire, idiot. It doesn't hurt me!" I dropped the blade into a vat of water and the resulting intense bubbling and steam stopped her. With head tilted she blinked then backed off.

"Show me." She demanded earnestly.

"I just did?" My wild gesture to the simmering water earned an eye roll.

"No, Hayato. Show me your fire."

I stared at her for a moment, eyebrows raised. After a beat, I asked to make sure, "My fire?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Come show me. Try not to burn down any houses."

"You told her about that?" Taro hissed a laugh as he tried to whisper. "You're so naive, Hayato."

"Shut up." I snapped at him, following Amon-Shinpi outside. We moved a little away from the building before she turned to gesture to me. I focused myself and allowed the heat to well up in my palms, creeping upwards, the hot white light glowing around my arms. She stared, fascinated and approached but remained a short distance out of reach. As she paced around me I was reminded of the way it felt to be trapped by the guards. I turned to keep her in sight.

"It's not flames." She commented idly.

"I suppose not." I agreed. "It's fire all the same."

"It's white."

"So is the center of a flame. The hottest point."

Slowly, she reached her hand forward. I pulled back slightly to avoid any contact between us but she didn't seem to worry. Instead her eyebrows pulled down as she studied the heat emanating from my skin, the light radiating outward. A rush of wind swirled around us, then her hand raised and I raised mine too, unfurling my fingers as she opened her own palm to me. The air ran between our hands in a constant flow carrying the worst of the heat away from her. Still, I noticed her skin grow red. She didn't lower her hand. She dared a little closer.

"I have played with fire all my life and I've never seen anything like yours." Her words were quiet, soft. "My grandfather's flames were blue. He taught me how to fight them from a young age. He couldn't have prepared me for a power like yours."

"It's just tengu-fire." I responded, matching her tone. "Plenty are capable of it. It's not that rare."

"I've never encountered it before."

I nodded, understanding. It wasn't rare but it wasn't common for us to flash such displays without reason.

"Let's fight." She suggested and without warning she spun around me, thrusting her palm toward my chin. I barely stepped back in time to avoid the collision. I swiped at her and missed as she darted away. The next time she came for me it was a similar dance.

It didn't take me long to realize that her approaches were designed for me to avoid them. She was baiting me and my reactions. After a few more moves I smothered the heat and recalled my energy, leaving my skin bare and cool once again. At this she showed disappointment, her stance lessening as a pout stole over her mouth.

"There's no point in a fight I can't win." I told her. "You're far above my abilities."

"It doesn't have to stay that way though." Her response quickened my pulse as Taro called for me. "We could make each other better."

"You have nothing to gain from me." I shook my head, glancing toward the forge. "I've seen you work, Amon-Shinpi. There's nothing I can teach you."

"You sell yourself short, Hayato. You should work on that."

Her words bothered me, tugging at something already unraveling and I chewed on them as I went back to work. Taro teased me some more about her, but I didn't listen. I was too lost in my head. Her words were a pox on my existence, throwing everything I knew into disarray. I allowed myself to be swallowed by them, mulled over.

In the village at night, Amon-Shinpi did for the younger ravens what my older brothers had done for me. She spun them stories of the rest of the world, cities and empires and kings and bandits. She told them fearful things and illustrious tales. Around the fire as they sat together, she manipulated the smoke with her wind to create shapes and them moving over the children's heads. Her words carried with them a weight that settled into everyone's bones, not just the fledglings. We all were moved, all stilled. There was something about the way she spoke that demanded understanding, demanded attention. During the early morning she hunted with our best, using a bow with more precision than I'd ever seen before.s

"She's a wolf." Myogi told me with some disdain. "A powerful one at that. It's not unusual for our kind to mingle with them. It's just strange that she's alone. Most wolves have packs."

"She has a family." I told him, so sure of myself. "She told me so."

"She's not with them?"

"She said she's on her way home."

It wasn't long, a few more days at most, that Amon-Shinpi told me she was taking her leave. She had somewhere to be. Some people to reunite with. I listened, having spent the previous day shoving my most prized creations into her hands. She wore my bracers, carried my short sword with it's blue blade, packed my knives, donned a quiver full of arrows tipped with heads I had hammered. Naturally she had tried to deny my gifts. She'd pushed them back into my hands but I would have none of it. She had saved my life. I wanted to repay her.

I wanted to bribe her into staying a little longer.

It didn't work.

"I must do this." She told me with a sad smile. "I'm glad I got to meet you before I went, though. You're a rare man, Hayato. Treat yourself well."

"You say that like we won't meet again." I waved my hand through the air. "Surely you'll remember how to find me. Come back and visit."

"I don't think I'll be able to."

My hand fell to my side.

"Hayato, once I return home I'm not sure I'll be able to leave again." Her words hit me with a physical force. I felt their impact in my gut. "I've been away for a long time and I have to return to face my family."

"They aren't your enemy." I whispered.

"I might be there's." She admitted sadly. "There's much about this you don't know, Hayato. So much it's better if you don't understand. Just know that I consider you my friend and I'm happy I got to spend this time with you."

That word again. Friend. It sounded different now, powerful and pained.

"I have to go home."

Home. That word that felt so hollow in my bones and chest when Myogi spoke it felt thick and weighty when it fell from her lips.

I curled my finger to my palm.

It was irrational. Nothing about it made sense other than the fact I felt it was the right thing to do. Like instinct had pulled me back to the mountain, something drew me to stay with her. It stretched between us and I knew, without a doubt, I couldn't let her leave alone.

"I'm coming with you."

She argued, of course. At the time she still thought her family would kill her for her crimes. She didn't want me to die by association. She feared for my life. Myogi agreed with her, tried to reason with me to stay. Taro too, argued that I needed to think more. Just one woman wasn't worth abandoning everything I'd known. I couldn't articulate to them that I wasn't abandoning them. There were no words to express just how much I needed to stay beside Amon-Shinpi or why. I didn't fully understand any of it either. I just knew.

I knew I needed to go with her.

I knew that nothing anyone said would stop me.

So I went. After all the yelling and arguing and packing of my things, after Amon-Shinpi herself had demanded I stay behind with harsh words, I still left.

It was the best decision I had ever made and it was purely my own.

"You don't have to come." She warned me again, trying to get me to leave.

"I have a feeling your side is where I need to be." I rebuked her as we planted our feet on the valley floor, leaving my homeland behind.

"My side is a dangerous place, little bird." Her word were calm but meaningful.

"Are you denying me, little wolf?" I asked in response to which she finally smiled, taking the lead.

"Don't call me little."

We traveled a few weeks together, talking about the world the whole way. She explained to me her past, what she'd done to get exiled. I told her about my life. We visited a few villages and towns, stopping to eat and sleep. I remember there was a part where we went to Tourin and Shinpi spoke to the monks and told them she was finally going home. They commented on how long her hair had grown, it rested just beneath her chin. One of them asked if she was ready to face what lie ahead. She told them she finally way.

She also told them to tell their king that he was an ass who was too scared to fight her.

They didn't find that as funny as she did.

We debated and argued and laughed together. It was freeing, being given the reign of my own ideas and encouraged to express them. She pushed me to try new things. Sometimes that meant getting into trouble. Sometimes it meant watching her get out of trouble. All the while it was fun and fulfilling. I felt the most alive I'd been in all my twenty-something years of existence.

We stood on the threshold of her home, which she'd described to me in agonizing detail over our time together. We had entered Sayol and marched across it, walking through the trees in a path only she seemed able to see. Then we found ourselves outside the castle and she gave me another chance to run. She'd given me so many. She'd tried so hard to spare me, to send me fleeing.

"There's a chance they'll kill me, you know." She warned me. "I am a fugitive. I killed the former king."

"Then we'll die together."

My words made her stiffen, those blue eyes piercing me through the soul with a stare that probed for deception hoping to find some. She wanted me to be lying. I wasn't. I meant my words. I had lived more in the last month of knowing her than I had any of the years before and if this was the end then so be it. I would die a man who had finally come to know some aspect of himself and I would die at her side, fighting. That seemed more than I truly deserved.

It never came to that.

We barely made it through the gates before she was swept off her feet by her wailing sister, Kuya. Then her parents found us, tears in their eyes. They dismissed her notions of exile and instead embraced her with adoration and love. Kotaru and Aiofe held their children close. Eventually they regarded me, too, and asked who I was. Made a joke about us being married. Amon-Shinpi had none of it. They pulled her back into the fold as though she had never left.

Amon-Shinpi was wary of their reception at first. It took some time for her to realize they truly did want her there. I learned that she had spent the better part of the last four or five years under the impression she was exiled and that her family wanted her dead. A figment of her own guilt, her parents explained. What she had done, she had done for the people of Sayol. She had fought with valor for the protection of her people. It wasn't a victory anyone wanted to celebrate but her being alive meant the world to her family.

It wasn't long before they pulled me into the fold too. First with training then with schooling. I worked my way up to stand at her side, as her friend and guardian.

Training came to me harshly. I wasn't accustomed to the idea of real combat, my only taste of it having ended with me being taken captive. This family danced through forms and styles with intention and prowess, and they expected me to follow suit if I were to join them. Even Kotaru with his one arm partook of training on a regular basis, but it was Aiofe and Amon-Shinpi I faced most often. It wasn't hard to discern where my friend had inherited her fighting spirit from.

"Stand up." Aiofe reached for me and gently helped raise me from the ground after she knocked me down yet again, her hands small but firm where they gripped my arm. She dusted some dirt from my tunic with a patient smile. "You have to think harder about your actions, Hayato."

I frowned at her, wondering how much harder I could possible think about this. "She's too fast."

"She is." Aiofe agreed with that soothing tone she always took when she was delivering a lesson. "She's unstoppable, truly. She's always been that way. She's always needed to be the fastest, strongest, best. It's in her nature."

"Well, it apparently is not in mine." I sulked, sneering at the floor to the side of her. A palm cupped my cheek, drawing my attention back to her now glittering eyes. She offered me a smile that made me feel ashamed.

"She didn't start that way. No one is born the best." She explained. "She had to learn a lot of terrible and hard lessons. She had to breathe in dust and dirt just like you are doing. There were nights where she couldn't sleep because her body hurt her so much."

"You made her train so hard?" I was appalled. In my clan we did not begin training until we were ready and only if we wanted to.

"No. She did that to herself. Kotaru never wanted her to hold a sword." Aiofe shook her head. "She was determined though. She's always determined. It's why she finds so much trouble."

"I can see that."

She offered a short laugh then looked me over knowingly.

"Thinking harder isn't going to help me. She's merely better than me. I can't catch her." I explained trying to hide my annoyance. "There's nothing I can do."

"You're a little bit of a defeatist." She accused then laughed again. "She's faster than you. She's stronger. She's smaller. She does, indeed, outmatch you."

I went to agree once again when she cut me a glimmering, sly expression.

"So what are you going to do about it?" She demanded. "If you want to stay with her, Hayato, if you want to stand beside her you have to be able to keep up. So. How are you going to beat her?"

"I can't." I explained again, my frustration growing. "She's like the wind your highness, she's impossible to stop."

Aiofe tapped her fingertip against my nose and nodded. "You're exactly right on one front, she is like the wind. Now. When the blows and howls, what protects us from it?"

I stared at her and thought for a moment. Then I glanced around us to the room. The realization clicked in me. "Walls."

"Maybe you can't beat her." She told me, patting my chest. "But you can stop her. You just have to plant yourself and become immovable. Be the shield to her sword. Be the wall that keeps everything else."

"I just have to stop her." I nodded to myself and glanced at the woman who centered in our conversation. Amon-Shinpi, who stretched her arms and back. She glanced our way and then threw her hands in the air as if to demand to know what was taking us so long. "That's a tall order."

"Tell me about it. You didn't have to raise her." Aiofe snorted. With one more squeeze to my arm she raised her eyebrows before pushing me forward. "Good luck."

"Finally." Amon-Shinpi started walking toward me, wooden sword tied to her waist. "Can we get on with this?"

"Plant yourself." Aiofe told me quietly, at my back.

I swallowed and nodded subtly. I could do this. I could. How hard could it be to be immovable? All walls had to do was stand.

I forgot in my haste to apply this new idea that there were some storms that could tear through the thickest walls and leave them strewn across the ground in chunks of rubble and wood. I lay on my back a few minutes later, a new bruise forming on my ribs as I stared up at the ceiling.

"I think that's enough for today." Amon-Shinpi crouched next to me with a look of mild concern drawing her brows together. I turned only my head to look at her. "You're doing good, Hayato."

"I'm not doing anything." I protested angrily. "Except laying here. Again."

"Are you angry?" She tipped her head to the side.

"Of course I'm angry!" I raised my voice without intending to. "Do you have any idea how damn frustrating this is? Nothing I do matters! You just barrel through me every time and I can't do anything to stop you!"

"That's not true." She frowned. "There's plenty you could do."

"Oh, then tell me please. Because right now all the advice I'm going on is to plant myself and be a wall."

"A wall?"

"Yes. A wall. That's what your mother said to do."

"I hate walls." Amon-Shinpi looked around us with mild distaste. "They are so confining. One of the best parts of being on my own was the fact I didn't have to deal with walls unless I wanted to. I don't know why anyone would ever want to become one."

"To stop you." I grumbled, pulling myself up to sitting with a grunt. My ribs were not happy with my last failure. "You're the wind, I'm the wall. That's the plan."

"That's a really dumb plan." She laughed at me and plopped herself down, leaning back on her palms. I had the overwhelming urge to push her over. "Walls are the worst, Hayato. Don't become one."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" I demanded again, at the end of my wits and patience.

"Be a tree." She told me as if this were obvious to everyone except me and I was a fool for not coming to the conclusion myself.

"I'm sorry, what?" I blinked at her, completely done. "I am not going to sit here and allow you to make fun of me."

"Come with me you giant baby." She picked herself off the ground and extended her hand to me. "Let me show you something."

I stood on my own, without her help, and this seemed to humor her greatly because she couldn't stop grinning. She led me out the castle and then off the grounds, through the town to it's center. We stood in the shadow of the massive tree present on her family crest.

"This is Aishling." She gestured to the tree as she turned to face me. "It's the whole reason we live here. Aishling was planted by my grandmother after she yanked this oasis up from the desert."

"I thought Aishling was the name of the city." I stared at her, picturing Aina, whose portraits adorned the walls of the castle, raising and entire territory from the desert. Aina, whom my friend considered one of the weaker members of her family. Their matriarch. I wanted to know that story.

"It is. This is why. Look, Hayato, in this family we have a mantra. We protect Aishling and Aishling protects us." She gestured to the massive tree again. "This tree means everything to us. It has weathered everything ever thrown at it. It's the symbol of the Takanis and our prosperity. It's roots are deep and ancient, sprung to life by the blood of our ancestral mother."

She took a few steps toward me, lowering her voice. Then she poked me in the chest.

"If you want to be something that stands up to anything that comes it's way, if you want to be that strong then don't think of walls. Be a tree. Be Aishling." She moved to my side and looked up at the branches with me. "My grandmother used to tell me that trees cannot grow strong without the wind. But trees also have to be flexible enough to bend when necessary or a strong enough gust will push them over. Maybe you shouldn't think of me as the enemy and instead start thinking of me as a way to get better. Though, aside from that there remains one problem."

"Which is?" I pressed, digesting everything she told me.

"Trees can't grow if they don't lay down roots." Her hand touched my fist, balled at my side. Without even thinking about it I allowed her to pry my fingers loose so she could lace hers in the spaces between. "I want you to stay here, Hayato. I want this to be your home. But that means nothing if you don't feel the same."

I kept my eyes on Aishling because I wasn't sure what else to do. I hadn't expected such a candid confession from Amon-Shinpi, and I certainly had expected to want to hear it so badly. Her words struck me in the chest, unlocking something I had been keeping buried so deep I hadn't even known it was there. My fingers squeezed around hers.

"How hard can it be to become a tree?" I asked aloud, more of a thought than anything else.

"For you?" She answered my stray question. "I don't think it'll be that hard at all."

That finally drew my attention to her. I traced the thoughtful reverie lining her expression as she stared up at the tree's widespread branches, cobalt eyes memorizing the patterns of the leaves. Slowly, her mouth shifted into a smile.

"I think this will work." She declared. "It definitely will, in fact. We'll make sure it does."

"Of course." I voiced my approval without hesitation. The way Amon-Shinpi used we was different than how Myogi spoke the word. It held a different conviction on her tongue, an altered meaning. It wasn't a pronoun in her mouth, it was a state of being. We. I wanted to be in that state with her, because it was the most comfortable I had ever been in my life. "Otherwise, what's the point?"

Going forward I worked tirelessly, on my own time and with Amon-Shinpi. I trained into the night. First thing in the morning. I studied her until I could see her moves before she made them. I let her adjust me, my form and my plans, until we were both happy. In between these sessions I learned from the tutors that Kotaru and Aiofe hired for me.

They spared no resource or expense when it came to my education. This seemed normal to everyone except for me. The townspeople spoke of how valued lessons were to the royal family, how the king and queen had pushed for formal schools to be established at no cost to the community. They wanted everyone to have the same privileges as their children. I had never heard of such benevolence. In our world, nothing comes for free especially not kindness yet the Takanis often gave so much away. Knowing this was a gift even if they didn't see it as such I hoarded it, devouring every morsel of information given to me so that none of their efforts would be squandered.

"Why don't you take notes?" Kuya asked me a few months into this routine, entering the room after one of the tutors had left for the day. "It's a lot of information. Surely you can't retain it all in the moment."

She set a tray of food on the table I had claimed as my own for the sake of studying. Offering me a cup of tea she perched against the edge of the table watching me with unguarded curiosity. I accepted the drink and felt heat enter my cheeks under her golden-eyed scrutiny. Kuya wasn't wild and sharp like her sister, she was often softer spoken and gentler by nature. She did things with great care at her own pace to assure perfection.. Though that did not mean she was a fool by any stretch of the imagination. Her eyes saw just as much, though the details read differently to her.

"I didn't mean to pry." She immediately moved to apologize at the sight of my expression. "It's your business of course."

"I can't write." I told her quietly. "I've never had a reason to learn. My memory is plenty though, I can recall even small details if requested."

I did not want her to think, and thereby tell her parents, that I was wasting their time by not absorbing the information offered to me by the tutors. I didn't want them to take this precious gift away, to find me undeserving suddenly, so my tone grew a little too earnest, pleading.

Her mouth formed a delicate O and it made me all the more embarrassed. "Oh, well, that's fine. If you don't need to know, you don't need to know."

I squinted as she floundered, then she fled from the room and I was left alone with two cups of perfectly sweetened tea and a few snacks.

Amon-Shinpi burst into my bedroom a few hours later, wild eyed and grinning. I startled at her sudden entrance, halfway through changing my clothes to prepare for our upcoming training session.

"You can't write?" She asked, nearly gleeful, hands grasping the edges of the doorway as she leaned through the frame. "Hai! How the hell could you not tell me this?"

"Hai?" I asked, confused, gripping my tunic as my eyebrows rose with curiosity.

"Kuya told me. She was embarrassed that she embarrassed you." She looked around my room as I stood there bare chested.

"Could you please close the door?" Pointedly I flattened out my confusion and curiosity into stern annoyance, a mask I'd eventually wear fairly constantly because of her antics.

"Oh, of course." She nodded, stepping completely into the room and drawing the door closed behind her instead of leaving. She paced into the space and started to inspect it without shame or hesitation.

"By all means, come in." I declared, incredulous. Even my clan respected personal space, a notion lost on this woman by the weight of her actions.

"Thank you." She offered without seeming to process my attitude. I huffed and waited. Her face scrunched up in distaste as she took in my sparse collection of belongings. "It seems a little barren in here."

"Do you need something?" I demanded then, truly annoyed. "Other than to make fun of me?"

"Make fun?" She spun around, stricken. "Oh Hai, no. I just didn't know you couldn't write. If you want to learn I could teach you. Or we could hire someone who actually knows how to teach. Everyone complains about my penmanship. I rush too much, mother says."

"Why do you keep calling me that?" I tipped my head to the side to study her. "Hai. No one has ever called me that before."

"Oh. It's a nickname." She shrugged, going back to picking at my bed with my plain sheets tossed over a simply mattress. "Like how Kuya calls me Hichi. It's what we call you when we talk about you."

I pulled back and then opened my mouth, not sure why I was so surprised. "How often do you two talk about me?"

"All the time. You're about the one interesting thing to discuss right now." She shrugged, her back to me. "She won't ask me about where I've been so instead we talk about you."

The insult I'd felt before eased into interest. I had noticed that the family tiptoed around Amon-Shinpi's disappearance and reappearance. The entire city seemed to avoid the topic. No one but me asked her to elaborate on her tales, to define her experiences. Everyone else just seemed to want to forget she had ever left at all. It was like they wished to erase the last few years of her life completely.

"Why is that?" I wondered aloud.

"I think they're scared of what I might tell them." She answered, her voice different than before. Reserved. Controlled. Her movements were decidely precise as she kept her back to me pulling my pillows from the bed before running her fingers along the edge of my mattress as she paced the length of my mattress until she came to the end where my discarded blanket waited in a heap. "Maybe they're scared to hear that I'm exactly what everyone called me when I was gone."

"You don't have to do that." I told her, watching her stop mid-action as she tried to make my bed, pulling at the woolen material to stretch it from foot-board to head.

"I don't mind. It's unseemly if I don't." She went back to it, lifting the material and pulling it down so it flared out and slowly came to rest atop the sheet and mattress. Her practiced hands began smoothing over the wrinkles, pressing and searching and eradicating until the surface was as flat as an iced over river. Stooping down she collected my pillows.

"I mean, you don't have to hide your emotions from me. I don't need you to protect me from them."

Her hands stopped again, her back straightening as she stiffened. This time she grew incredibly still, motionless.

"I don't think I feel like training today." She dropped my blanket and marched toward my door. "Mother might though. You should ask her."

Then she was gone and my door drew closed inaudibly, pulled so carefully by her hand.

It was a few days later that I waited in the garden for the right moment to strike. I'd been stewing on our conversation for all that time and I couldn't contain myself anymore. Amon-Shinpi hadn't approached me much since and it was upsetting to say the least. She was my one connection to this world and it didn't sit well with me that she was avoiding me. Worse, I knew why.

I knew even while I lounged against the castle wall, tucked from view facing the garden, that I was about to get myself into trouble. Amon-Shinpi would likely be furious with me, but we already weren't talking so I didn't feel I had much to lose with her. Even still, my mind was made up. I had to do this. I had to confront the invisible wall dividing her from her beloved family. I knew that this act was well outside my rights. It didn't stop me from marching right up to Kotaru and Aiofe as they strolled through the flowers so I could interrupt their smiling conversation. Coming to stand before them, feet planted and shoulders squared I didn't bother faking a smile. Instead I let them see the grim seriousness that rested in my soul.

"She missed you." I told them without waiting to be asked what I was doing. "When she came to my village all she did was tell stories of her family. When I asked her where she was going, she said home."

"Hayato-" Kotaru started, his own expression fading from his usual calm happiness to something with more substance to it.

"But more than miss you, she was terrified of coming home to face that she had disappointed you." I charged through his words, remorseless. "There is nothing in this world that means as much to Amon-Shinpi as her family. I barely know her and I know this is the truth."

"Hayato." Aiofe spoke my name firmly.

"No." I shot her a look. "I will not stop. I don't care if it means I have to leave. You need to hear that you are hurting your daughter, the daughter who would kill or die to protect you. The daughter who sent herself away to avoid seeing the shame in your eyes when you looked at her. I don't think you fully appreciate exactly what it is that she's done for you."

"You have no idea what we went through." Kotaru's voice came out cold. His anger was quiet, unlike his daughter's. But it felt just as sharp. Aiofe touched his arm, clearly alarmed. In any other moment I would be alarmed too, but I wasn't. Because I wanted him to be angry.

I stared him in the eye, seething with my own justified rage.

"Do you even know how she met me?" I demanded of him, my anger bubbling over. My palms grew hot and I knew that they were turning that harsh, burning white. I curled my fingers inward to hide the light. "She saved my life. Because your daughter is an honorable and powerful woman who could not bare to see injustice persist. She destroyed a warlord's entire camp because she saw his men kill a child. When I was thrown at her feet with my wings broken, she healed me without pause. She saved countless lives and you don't even care. You don't see her. You see what she did, you see what she's capable of and you're afraid. And quite frankly, she deserves more."

When Kotaru opened his mouth I shook my head.

"If it weren't for her I'd be dead." I dared him to argue with me. I felt it all surging up through my body, my anger. My wings ripped through my tunic, shredding the material as though it were dry leaves as they released themselves from my skin. The heat spread from my palms up my forearms. My fingers had grown into claws, my nails sharp and long and ready. "You have no right to make her feel unwelcome in her own home!"

"Hai!" Blue eyes filled my vision suddenly as Amon-Shinpi's hands grabbed my face and pulled it down toward her. She stared at me, holding me, concern etched into her brow. "Calm down."

"No!" I tried to pull away but she didn't allow me to. I couldn't even pretend I was a match for her strength, not even like this. "No, they need to know."

"Shh." She hushed me gently, quietly. Her voice had grown impossibly soothing and soft. It was the same cajoling tone Kuya often used and I hesitated at the sound of it. "It's fine, Hayato. I already know what they think. This won't help me, okay? You have to calm down."

She moved her hands down from my face to my neck, then down my arms until her palms pressed to mine. The whole time her eyes never left mine. She didn't flinch or retract from the heat of my anger. She only offered her stalwart support as her fingers once again found homes between my own.

"It's okay." She whispered gently. "It's okay, Hai. It's okay."

But it wasn't. It wasn't okay and I wasn't ready to be told that it was. This was an injustice. It was wrong. It had to be corrected.

"They need to know that you're a hero." I told her quietly, emotion leaking into my voice, clouding the anger with frustration and to my surprise a tinge of despair. "They need to know."

She squeezed my hands again, shaking her head slightly. Tears glistened in her eyes, her lips pressed together so hard they shook. Her hands left mine as I felt my anger desert me. I moved to wipe at the tears spilling over her lashes. I hadn't meant to make her cry. With a voice that wavered she reached up and brushed one of my cheeks with the back of her hand. "You're crying, Hai."

I hadn't even realized I was until she pointed it out. Then I couldn't stop. I grabbed her hand and held it to my face for a second before the smell of blood and scalded flesh struck me, the slick feeling of blood coating my fingers. I staggered back from it. I gaped at the ruined skin of her palms and fingers, singed and missing. Horror filled my stomach, threatening to disembowel me from the inside. My breath came out in a hiss between my teeth, uneven.

"It's okay." She assured me, offering a calming smile. "I knew what I was doing when I grabbed you, Hai."

"You're an elemental." I quaked, appalled at the crime I had committed unknowingly. The idea of hurting her, of being capable of it disgusted me.

"Unfortunately, fire is not something I have control of." She shrugged and still the pain didn't register on her face. "Are you done yelling now?"

"I think so." I nodded, feeling small and ashamed and full of bile.

"Good, then take me inside where you can clean my wounds." She nodded toward the castle and I glanced behind her to the king and queen. "You can practice healing me, I'll walk you through it if you need. We fix what we break."

"Amon-Shinpi." Her father called, his voice tight.

She didn't look at him over her shoulder but I saw her face change. Breathing out she stood taller, looking me in the eye and then offered one steady nod. "Hayato needs me right now, we can talk later father."

I didn't know where to look so I just stared at the ground as she lead me toward the castle.

It was hours later, after I had cleaned Amon-Shinpi's raw skin and watched her heal herself once my unsteady attention proved me incapable, when I was hiding in my room so I could blame myself in peace that there was a knock on my door. I didn't answer to it at first, scared of it who it might be. My fears were confirmed when the king's voice sounded through the wood.

"May I speak with you?"

Having no choice, I got up from my bed and moved to open the door for him. I kept my eyes averted, partially out of respect. "How may I help you?"

Just like his daughter, Kotaru made his way into my room without waiting to be invited. Once inside he looked around, brows pulled down. I watched him warily. "She looks a lot like you."

"She does." He nodded, the news to surprising to him. I suppose he'd have known already. "I wanted to discuss the business from earlier with you."

"I understand." I closed the door and prepared myself for the worst. "I was out of line, sire, and I know that I was. I lost my temper. It wasn't my place."

He raised his hand to cut me off and I heeded the unspoken command.

"It's terrifying." Kotaru told me, displaying a level of vulnerability I hadn't expected to see in a king. He swallowed and licked his lips. "She's my daughter, Hayato. I love her more than I love myself."

I nodded without a word.

"Losing her was the worst thing that has ever happened to me." He explained. Then he gestured to his missing arm. "Even losing an actual piece of myself didn't hurt me as badly as when we found her hair and nothing else. The idea that she was out there in the world, alone, it kills me inside."

I listened without movement or comment.

"That night I lost my father, my mother and my daughter." He went on. "And I thought I would never see any of them again. You have no idea how many nights I stayed awake praying she'd come home, wishing to know the gods were real just so that they could deliver me my child again. Hoping she was at least safe where ever she was. Amon-Shinpi's always been smart, resourceful."

"I know." I told him. "You all love to talk to me about how she's always been. What she was before."

He mopped at his face with his hand. "You need to understand that I would do anything for my children."

"Then ask her where she went."

Kotaru lifted his gaze and stared me. Maybe it was my tone. I'd already dug my grave, might as well pull the dirt back down on top of me.

"She did a lot of really amazing, interesting things. She told me those stories and I knew I had to come with her." I looked around the room they'd given me as my own. "She's smart, resourceful, strong, and compassionate. She's amazing."

"She is." He agreed.

"And she hates herself so fucking much." I leveled him with a look.

Kotaru swallowed, his expression grim.

"She told me you might kill her if she returned and I chose to come anyway." I explained to him. "She was ready to die for what she'd done here. But she came back anyway. I think that says a lot about her."

"About you too." Kotaru suggested.

"We're not talking about me. We're talking about her."

"I didn't know." He told me, looking lost and frustrated. "I didn't know why she ran. We would have never blamed her. We will never blame her."

"She thinks you're scared of what she's become." I told him. "She's remarkable and she lives in fear that the ones she loves most are disgusted by her."

"We aren't." He insisted.

"Maybe you should tell her that." I gestured to the door. Then I lowered my hand. "I'm sorry for speaking so harshly and out of turn."

"No you're not." He didn't seem angry, just honest. Of course he was right so I didn't argue. He offered me a crooked grin that looked familiar, but faded as he spoke. "We're an emotional family. It's not that uncommon actually. Did she really think I would kill her?"

"She seemed to expect it as a necessity." I nodded, gesturing loosely with my hand. "I think that might be more on her than on you though. Guilt seems to be the one thing that breaks through her pride."

He started for the door but paused once he was beside me. His hand came out to grasp my shoulder and I was amazed that his whole family seemed to love touching so much. "I'm glad you're here, Hayato. She needs someone who will stand for her the way she stands for everyone else. Keep protecting her."

"I will." I promised. "It's the only reason I stayed."

"You know, everyone else in this castle serves Aishling. We all work our whole lives in service of Sayol and this city. It's nice to know that someone is here who is willing to serve a higher purpose." He released my shoulder. "I would rather cede this entire land than see my children come to harm. You being here just to keep my daughter safe and in good company means the world to me. It's a comfort no amount of power or privilege can buy."

I watched him open the door, perplexed. Then he offered me a laugh and a cheeky grin, shaking his head.

"Welcome to the family, Hayato."

The first time I watched Aiofe best her daughter in training I couldn't contained my awe. Dirt from the floor rose up as the decisive thud of her back connecting with ground sounded her loss. For a moment she just lay there, stunned on a bed of her flaming hair, and then she laughed. It was a wholesome sound from deep in her stomach that filled the room with warmth.

"Are you okay?" I called, practicing my letters in a diary on the sidelines.

"In order to grow the spider has to shed." She responded.

"Hit her again would you?" I looked to Aiofe with a dull expression, earning myself a wry grin in return. "She's up to that cryptic nonsense again."

"Yes, Hai, I am fine." Amon-Shinpi flipped to her feet and brushed at the dirt on her back. "I'm just delighted to be learning something new. Every time I think I have all the answers a new problem demands a solution."

"You lost." I pointed out.

"We rarely learn from victory." She winked at me, walking over to pull on my arm to get me to rise. "Your turn ean beag. Show mother what you've learned."

---

"I think that's enough for now." Hayato leaned back in his chair with a wry smirk that earned Kurama's immediate ire. "I've been speaking for so long."

Kurama had to agree, he had been talking for quite a while. The sun's weary light had begun to filter through the windows announcing daybreak in lines of muted gray. The wind continued to howl and rage, the storm still heavy in the air outside the temple walls.

"I feel you might have found it in yourself to be more succinct." Kurama noted dryly, rubbing at his face as he tried to forcibly stifle a yawn. So much for him being the conversationalist of the group. Hayato had outpaced him by miles this time. And the raven had seemingly done this intentionally.

"I could have been, but then would you have truly felt the experience?" Hayato asked. "I mean, you wanted to hear the truth didn't you? So you could learn about Hichi."

"I could have learned more about her if you hadn't spent the last several hours detailing your own mundane existence." Kurama remarked, exhausted and beyond the need for decorum. "I think you kept me up on purpose so when we walk out of this room she'll assume I was the culprit."

"You think I'm so insidious?"

"I think you're an ass."

Hayato smiled and the expression rang clear and loud to Kurama as confirmation of his accusation. So be it.

"We'll finish this story another time." He assured the raven with a glower. "I do need to sleep at some point."

"Naturally. I'm sure Hiei and Hich will both be awake by now anyway." Hayato nodded. "We can both rest easy."

Kurama rose from his seat, a million questions buzzing noisily in his brain. Before he walked a step he leveled his conversation partner with a stare. "Did you really hatch from an egg?"

"Of course." Hayato's off-guard expression turned quizzical.

"I thought you made that part up to mess with me." Kurama admitted before a yawn that he couldn't stifle escaped his mouth. "Interesting. I'll have more questions later, Hayato. Try not to die in your sleep."

"I wish you the same, Kurama."