He shifts from one side of the bed to the other that night. He feels more on edge than ever that his wife is still at the office. Eventually his body overrides his mind, and he succumbs to sleep. The sensation of movement in the bed alongside the sound of rustling covers wakes him. Henry rolls onto his side to find Elizabeth crawling in to bed beside him. The clock behind her reveals it is nearly three AM.
"You can't keep burning the candle at both ends, Madam Secretary."
She offers a weak smile to him as the dim light from her lamp illuminates her face.
"We should probably go to bed," she responds in a quiet tone.
"Can I have five minutes of your time?" He queries.
"I could probably pencil you in sometime next year," she teases.
He grins, "Seriously. Obviously you would like to avoid the elephant in the room, but it seems rather implausible to do. I feel as if it is sitting on my chest."
"Five minutes, Henry. I am very tried," she replies as she sits in the bed with her back against the headboard.
"I cannot wrap my head around how this happened. I simply didn't think that it was possible. You were very clear about not wanting to take the chance on another pregnancy."
She sighs, "As did I. After hours of research it would appear that such a permanent form of birth control is still not fully one hundred percent effective."
"So the odds of this happening were…"
"Practically zero. After a certain age female fertility dramatically declines. At my geriatric age the odds of this happening were nearly nil."
"Yet here we are," his hand begins to move. He stops, choosing not to shove her further into a bubble of discomfort.
She gently squeezes his hand. "Go ahead," she offers him the green light, just above a whisper.
He places his hand against the fabric of her cotton button down pajama top.
"The odds of this whole thing going pretty horribly sideways are relatively high, you know."
"I can only imagine the sheer terror that you feel," he meets her glance. His hand recoils. He gently brushes hair out of her face, "For a few seconds a day perhaps you should bathe in hope, instead."
She purses her lips, and subtly nods. His brow furrows as he watches her non-verbal cues.
"Elizabeth, is there more?"
"I politely, and respectfully declined the amniocentesis."
He exhales, "I don't necessarily agree with that decision."
"Part of me wants all of the intelligence on the situation."
"So what stopped you?"
"A sliver of my being hopes. My high hopes ground me in the fact that the information from the amniocentesis is irrelevant. I can only take this minute by minute. If it is meant to be it will. I will accept whatever outcome I am offered."
"At what point will you allow me to shift from cautiously optimistic to excited?"
She offers a shrug, "High school graduation."
"You're incorrigible." He kisses her tenderly. The lamp goes dark, and they crawl under the covers with a cavern of things left unsaid sandwiched between them.
A few weeks later the Secretary of State feels herself zoning out as she is being briefed on the next fire she is expected to extinguish. Blake elbows her as they sit around the conference room table.
"Are you okay?" He queries.
For a moment she rubs her temples, "My apologies. I was not expecting this to escalate so quickly."
"We are expected to be in the air to Syria in a few hours," Blake points out.
Nadine's head snaps up from the file she is scouring.
"You should all finish your preparations. I think the secretary is probably a bit exhausted from her schedule the past couple of weeks. Blake, can you collect her belongings from her residence? I can tend to the rest of the preparations from here."
A series of questioning looks is exchanged as Nadine shoos the crew out of the conference room. She escorts the secretary into her office, and secures the hatch. Without a word Secretary McCord lowers herself onto her couch. Nadine hands her a bottle of water.
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Nothing a little hydration can't fix," Elizabeth confirms.
"Ma'am perhaps you should consider telling the president, before you end up in the midst of an international incident in Syria."
"No. I am cleared to fly for several weeks to come. I am not going to allow fear to force me to shirk my duties."
"This is dangerous."
"And what kind of life do my children have to look forward to if we are in the midst of world war three?"
"How much longer do you intend to keep up this charade?"
"At least a few more weeks."
"Blake is catastrophizing. He thinks you are dying," Nadine reveals.
"He can have a tendency to allow his imagination to run wild."
"What about the press?"
"This stays under wraps publicly. I do not plan to have any fanfare, or announcements on the subject now, or at any point. I have been putting extensive consideration into my strategy."
"I am all ears."
"I always circle back to sense of duty, and the inevitable event when I resign my post."
"Is that what you really want?"
"Look at the dichotomous situation. How could I possibly do either one justice?"
"Perhaps it is time for you to do what you do best."
"Almost catapult us into world war three, before pulling us off the edge in the nick of time?"
"Blaze a new trail. What kind of modern world do we really live in when people still have to choose?"
"It is a patriarchal society."
"That would cease to exist if not for the women who beget every single one of us."