Our weekend was rather usual. I paid Lissa a few visits, but I spent the majority of my time with Dimitri. We talked, a lot. Some of our conversations ended up with me going to Lissa. They weren't arguments, but they weren't topics I liked. I knew he didn't want me to feel this way, guilty, but he did make a huge sacrifice being with me. He could have had a family with Tasha, But he chose not to. He chose me… Even saying those words, in my head, out loud, I still can't shake the guilt. When I went to his family in Russia I heard tons of stories, they adored Tasha, they always thought Dimitri would make that deal… Imagine their disappointment if we went to see them now. I smiled to myself, His sisters would kill him for not visiting. I made no attempt to hide my evil snicker.

I felt his gaze travel over me, it was the morning. Dimitri and I both took shifts last night for Christians surprised date with Lissa. We were both still tired. "What are you smiling about?" He questioned me. "Just thinking about how amazingly your sisters would beat you up" I smiled even more.

He tensed a bit at the mention of his family, the family he hasn't seen much since he turned back. Their relationship was still pretty much the same but just as he barely trusts himself with me.. he barely trusts himself with them. "What did I do to get beat up this time?" He put up a half-smile, trying to hide his previous reaction. "I don't know, just figured you'd need a good beat down" I looked at him, smiling innocently.

"We literally spar together, beat me up whenever you want," he said, a slight chuckle leaving his lips. "I planned on it" I replied snarkily, "just thought your sisters might want some of the fun".

"I miss them" He mumbled, he always had this mask on while he was working.. We are taught to have that mask, I hated it though. Here he was, using that mask. I slide my hand toward his hand, snaking it in to his and interlocking our fingers. "We will get to see them again." He didn't respond to this, so I took it as an invitation to keep talking. "As a guardian, we hide emotions. We keep a mask" I continued, "But you don't need to have that mask up around me." I use my free hand to tilt his head toward mine, now our eyes locked together. "The whole mask thing kinda sucks... I loved teasing you in high school, being the only one who knew what you felt " He looks towards me and I can see the smallest of a smile creep across his lips. "Thank you, Roza, that means the world." I did it, I was breaking the mask again… It was an accomplishment, he already broke mine.

"I had a question" I looked over at him, I wanted to speak about my thoughts earlier…

His gaze met mine again once more, head tilted as he answered, "What is it, Roza?"

I brushed my thumb against his knuckles, sighing in content as I felt the familiar rough skin of his, giving me an ounce of relief. With doubt on my mind, I finally decided to ask. "How much.." I paused before continuing my sentence, "How much does it bother you I can't give you kids?" My throat felt dry after I asked, knowing his answer still wouldn't satisfy my guilt. His past words rang in my head before he replied.

The room went quiet for a few seconds, his breath hitching against me. Knowing him, this was going to be an awkward conversation for us both. Why wouldn't it be? It wasn't like this was easy to talk about, in fact, we both tried to avoid it. We'd talked about it previously, but this did not make it any easier, given it always ended with me abruptly leaving or changing the subject.

"You know my answer, Roza" He looked down at me, even with me laying basically on top of him I could still feel the towering of his height. I knew his answer, but it didn't mean I didn't wanna hear it.

"Say it" I mumbled into his chest, our hands were no longer locked, instead my arms wrapped around him.

I heard him sigh, "Roza, I choose to be with you over having kids". And as kind, as his words were, it did not change the truth. There would always be a pain in my heart knowing I couldn't give him what he wanted. There was a wet warmth on my cheeks, and I realized I was crying.

Shocked, I gasped softly, wiping my eyes and cheeks off. But of course, he knew me all too well. It was rare I cried, ever really. Only in front of him did I feel safe, but even so I hadn't realized I was doing so. His body shifted, sitting up with me as we faced each other. Cupping my face he wiped away the stray tears still falling with his thumb. Our eyes met once more before he gently pressed his lips against mine. And somehow, more tears fell. It was comfort, I could feel comfortable. I liked this feeling.

I feel him gently pull his face from mine, only millimeters apart. He placed his forehead against my own, and I heard him start to speak."Roza, I didn't know how you would feel about this so I didn't bring it up.." He paused, I knew it was about the topic I had been crying over... To be fair, I did kinda storm off to Lissa every time we talked about it this weekend. I wiped my tears, looking up at him. "There are other ways that we could have children, Roza."

My thoughts halted. Other ways? I nodded as he spoke to me, my head leaning back against his chest to relax. So much stress building up from one conversation was a lot. He caressed my cheek, reassurance.

"I don't want to get into details.." He started, me tracing his chest as he continued. "But there are so many other possible ways for us to have children. Maybe not biologically ours, but to hell with that-" I felt Dimitri lift my chin off his chest, our eyes making contact. And as they met, relief washed over me. Soon, as before, our lips met.

"Roza, know you are my entire world. And I would do anything and more to make you happy," Tears stung my eyes as they had earlier. How could I say no to this suggestion? I know I would also do anything to make him happy, but the guilt was still heavy in my heart. Knowing whatever we tried, it would never be fully what he wanted. He wanted to be a dad, and I was all for that, but even with other ways.. would he be truly okay with our kids not being fully ours? But knowing him, he'd love our child no matter what. Hesitantly, I nodded to him.

"Okay, we can try other ways.." Dimitri could see through me, having known me long enough to know something was on my mind. "Is this what you want as well, Roza?" I froze, it was- but it wasn't. I wanted him to live his dream of being a father, to have a family with him. "Yes. It is,"